Podcasts about love sense

This is a republishing of an archived episode with Dr. Sue Johnson, who sadly passed in April 2024.Dr. Sue Johnson was a leading innovator in the fields of couple therapy and adult attachment. She was the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 30 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. Sue was the author of numerous books including, Hold Me Tight, the Hold Me Tight Workbook, and Love Sense.Sue received numerous awards acknowledging her development of EFT, including the APA's “Family Psychologist of the Year” in 2016 and the Order of Canada in 2017.In This EpisodeDr. Sue Johnson's WebsiteThe International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)---What's new with The Trauma Therapist Project!The Trauma 5: gold nuggets from my 700+ interviewsThe Trauma Therapist Newsletter: a monthly resource of information and inspiration dedicated to trauma therapists.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-trauma-therapist--5739761/support.

"The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships"

Dr. Sue Johnson is a leading innovator in the fields of couple therapy and adult attachment. She is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 30 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. Sue is the author of numerous books including, Hold Me Tight, the Hold Me Tight Workbook, and Love Sense.Sue's received numerous awards acknowledging her development of EFT, including the APA's “Family Psychologist of the Year” in 2016 and the Order of Canada in 2017.In This EpisodeDr. Sue Johnson's WebsiteThe International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)---What's new with The Trauma Therapist Project!The Trauma 5: gold nuggets from my 700+ interviewsThe Trauma Therapist Newsletter: a monthly resource of information and inspiration dedicated to trauma therapists.This show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/5739761/advertisement

❤️ IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN  2:25 What Dr. Sue witnessed wasn't working in people's relationships and how that inspired her to dive into more research around attachment and develop Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples 11:42 Why it's not enough to be a great communicator and why emotional connection is paramount 21:05 The impact of feeling safe and secure with your partner 23:51 Dr. Sue's favorite part of couples counseling 25:25 How we are not wired to be emotionally alone and need community and the science that backs it up 32:39 The #1 indicator of resilience and happiness 34:55 How to be there for your partner by talking to their amygdala (emotional part of the brain) vs their prefrontal cortex 40:36 What not to do when someone has experienced trauma 44:27 How to crack the code of love so you can heal and build a loving and passionate relationship that lasts 50:10 Dr. Sue's take on the role of boundaries and the dance between closeness and space 56:02 What a Thriving Relationship is to Dr. Sue Johnson   ❤️ MORE INFO ABOUT OUR GUEST  Dr. Sue Johnson is a renowned and pioneering researcher, clinical Psychologist, and developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, a tested, proven, and evidence-based intervention for couples. She has received many awards for her research and was named "Psychologist of the Year” by the American Psychological Association. She is the bestselling author of Hold Me Tight and Love Sense: the Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. https://drsuejohnson.com/   ❤️ THE THRIVING RELATIONSHIPS SHOW  Join Christine Eartheart, Founder of the Center for Thriving Relationships, as she interviews some of the most inspiring luminaries, thought leaders, and researchers of our time to gain their unique insights on every imaginable aspect of how to experience more love, healing, and understanding in all our relationships.   ❤️ THE CENTER FOR THRIVING RELATIONSHIPS https://centerforthrivingrelationships.com/ https://www.instagram.com/centerforthrivingrelationships/ https://www.facebook.com/ThrivingRelationships  

Gerry Scullion is a design professional with 21 years of experience in designing, training and coaching. He is the Founder of "This is HCD," a global human-centered design podcast on Spotify and a community builder. He is now endeavoring with education for kids. Disclaimer: Views and opinions are his own. This is episode [in full] is the complete conversation of episodes #134 to #141 of this season.

Want to level up your relationship and be that unshakable powerhouse couple? Laila Presotto is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, having been trained by Dr. John Gottman, who is a leading research scientist on marriage and family with over 25 years of landmark research and is the author of several books including “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work” and “And Baby Makes Three”. Laila uses this method when working with couples to help turn their relationship problems around and create a stronger and more resilient union. The goal of this method is to help couples break through barriers in order to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy in their relationship. It can help couples learn how to work through potentially destructive problems, how to detect the most common stumbling blocks within a relationship and more importantly, how to avoid them altogether. These intervention and assessment strategies are based upon data taken from Dr. Gottman's study of more than 3000 couples. Laila is also certified in Dr. Sue Johnson's externship in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, where couples learn to recognize how to de-escalate problematic cycles and restore their emotional bonds. Dr. Sue Johnson is the author of “Hold me Tight” and “Love Sense”.

Want to level up your relationship and be that unshakable powerhouse couple? Laila Presotto is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, having been trained by Dr. John Gottman, who is a leading research scientist on marriage and family with over 25 years of landmark research and is the author of several books including “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work” and “And Baby Makes Three”. Laila uses this method when working with couples to help turn their relationship problems around and create a stronger and more resilient union. The goal of this method is to help couples break through barriers in order to achieve greater understanding, connection and intimacy in their relationship. It can help couples learn how to work through potentially destructive problems, how to detect the most common stumbling blocks within a relationship and more importantly, how to avoid them altogether. These intervention and assessment strategies are based upon data taken from Dr. Gottman's study of more than 3000 couples. Laila is also certified in Dr. Sue Johnson's externship in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, where couples learn to recognize how to de-escalate problematic cycles and restore their emotional bonds. Dr. Sue Johnson is the author of “Hold me Tight” and “Love Sense”.

EPISODE 152 - Dr. Marisa Cohen is a relationship researcher, marriage and family therapist, and teacher of college-level psychology courses.  She is also the author of From First Kiss to Forever: A Scientific Approach to Love, a book that relates relationship scientific research to everyday experiences and real relationship issues confronted by couples. Dr. Cohen is passionate about discovering and sharing important relationship research from the field, and has given guest lectures at locations including the 92nd Street Y, Strand Bookstore, and the New York Hall of Science. She is also a 2021 TEDx Speaker, has appeared in segments for Newsweek, and is the subject of a piece focusing on her work, which aired on BRIC TV. Her work has been quoted in publications such as Bustle, Good Housekeeping, The Cut, InStyle, The Washington Post, Men's Health, and Women's Health. She has also appeared on many podcasts and radio shows to discuss the psychology of love and ways in which we can improve our relationships. In the episode, Dr. Cohen explains common misconceptions couples have about what makes a happy, successful relationship; advice for growing (and changing) with your partner rather than growing apart; tips for being more successful at online dating…and more! EPISODE WEBPAGE: thehealthinvestment.com/152 P.S. – If you're liking The Health Investment Podcast, be sure to hit “subscribe/follow” so that you never miss an episode

Girl chat with Dena and Shannon

Fruit of the Spirit - Love--Why are we looking at this------ Then he said to the multitudes that came out to be baptized by him, -Brood of vipers- Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come-- Therefore, bear fruits worthy of repentance, and do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I say to you that God is able to raise up children to Abraham from these stones. And even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore, every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.---Luke 3-7-9---We have seen in earlier sermon that whenever the Scripture talks about fruits, it is about Christ likeness because of our new birth - sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.-------Love- - Sense of deep influence and attachment to something or someone.---Greek has many words to describe different kind of love, the one used in Galatians 5-22 is Agape.-------- agape -agapao -Noun--- To esteem, love, indicating a direction of the will and finding one's joy in something or someone.---Regarding agape, the opposite sense would be ----------------Example of Agape love would be to look toward the example set by our Triune God.----------Characteristics of love -seen in Jesus Christ---1.-----2.-----3.-----4.-----5.-------Summary and Applications-

Fruit of the Spirit - Love--Why are we looking at this----- Then he said to the multitudes that came out to be baptized by him, -Brood of vipers- Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come- Therefore, bear fruits worthy of repentance, and do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I say to you that God is able to raise up children to Abraham from these stones. And even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore, every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.---Luke 3-7-9---We have seen in earlier sermon that whenever the Scripture talks about fruits, it is about Christ likeness because of our new birth - sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.-------Love- - Sense of deep influence and attachment to something or someone.---Greek has many words to describe different kind of love, the one used in Galatians 5-22 is Agape.-------- agape -agapao -Noun--- To esteem, love, indicating a direction of the will and finding one's joy in something or someone.---Regarding agape, the opposite sense would be ----------------Example of Agape love would be to look toward the example set by our Triune God.----------Characteristics of love -seen in Jesus Christ---1.-----2.-----3.-----4.-----5.-------Summary and Applications-

When raising a family distances us from old friends, starting a new friendship from scratch can be intimidating! Remember this isn't your first rodeo. Today's episode with local therapist Collette Dawson-Loveless, LCSW, will help you jump the mental hurdles and make meaningful connections even as an adult! Listen for her tips about building vulnerability, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding roadblocks on your path to connection and support. --------------- To learn more about building connections, Collette suggests the following books: Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson Attached by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A. Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin Psy.D. Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel M.D. and Mary Hartzell M.Ed. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/everydaystrong/message

In this episode, we look at the soundtrack of the 1995 movie of Sense and Sensibility by Patrick Doyle. We explore the themes used for the sisters contrasting both a classical style with emotional impactful moments and how their journey is told throughout. “Orchard House (Main Title)” - Little Women: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack by Thomas Newman, 1994 “My Father's Favorite” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “Concerto in F Major for Piano and Orchestra, K 413: II Larghetto” - Mozart: The Piano Concertos, music by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, performed by Murray Perahia and the English Chamber Orchestra, 2006 “Quintet No. 1 for Guitar and Strings in D minor G. 445” - Boccherini: the Guitar Quintets, music by Luigi Boccherini, performed by Pepe Romero and Academy of St. Martin in the Fields, 1993 “A Particular Sum” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “My Father's Favourite (From “Sense and Sensibility”)” - The Music of Patrick Doyle: Solo Piano, music by Patrick Doyle, 2015 “All the Delights of the Season” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “Third and Last Book of Songes, No. XV.  Weep you no more, sad fountains” - Dowland: The Collected Works, music by John Dowland, performed by Consort of Music, Anthony Rooley & Dame Emma Kirkby, 1978 “Weep You No More Sad Fountains” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, performed by Jane Eaglen, 1995 “All the Better for Her” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “Patience” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “To Die for Love” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “The Dreame” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, performed by Jane Eaglen, 1995 “Devonshire” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “Grant Me An Interview” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995 “Leaving London” - Sense and Sensibility - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, music by Patrick Doyle, 1995

Thanks for joining me on the Relationship Fitness Podcast! Today's episode focuses on two important topics. We are discussing what you need to understand about your relationship skills to take them from sucky to super successful. We'll also break down the importance of giving and receiving feedback in constructive ways. Join me! Fact: Your relationship will match up with your skills If you have great relationship skills, your relationship will be great! Likewise, “just OK” relationship skills will yield a “just OK” relationship, and sucky relationship skills will only bring a sucky relationship. It's not difficult to see the correlation. Realize that the honeymoon phase will not last forever, and if you don't work at your relationship skills, you'll find yourself in what I call “relationship drift.” This will take you into the dreaded stage of being “just OK.” The reason you have sucky relationship skills is because your parents had sucky relationship skills; unfortunately, those skills are passed on from generation to generation.  Fact: You CAN improve your sucky relationship skills The good news is that we can do better! How? Keep learning more about relationships. Watch my videos! Listen to and read what the experts say. Continue learning about love, relationships, and your partner, because the learning process never stops. Don't let your learning and growth descend to a plateau, but keep pushing higher. None of us will ever arrive at the point where we know it all and perfectly understand the science of relationships, but we can keep trying! Fact: Taking criticism is crucial The success of your relationship doesn't depend on how hard you work at it, but whether or not you're working on it the right way. You may work really hard at something that irritates the heck out of your partner, but it's pointless if you don't understand each other. We have to get really good at giving and accepting critical feedback. Ask for feedback with questions like, “How can I improve?” Be willing to have candid conversations and don't take criticism personally. It's a 10x relationship skill!   ***Leave me your comments. I want to hear your feedback about how you are giving and receiving criticism. Let's help save the world--one relationship at a time!   Connect with me: Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page Instagram: Relationship.Fitness Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required) Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com Mentioned in this episode: Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey? Begin with my FREE eBook: How To 10X Your Relationship In ONE Conversation Get my bestselling paperback book "7 Secrets To An Extraordinary Relationship Your Parent Couldn't Teach You" here. P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required) P.S.S We'll be on Spotify REAL soon!!

The great, big classics of Literature have been taught, debated over, dismissed, and then taught again in an attempt to answer one essential question: do we really need to still read this? In this series, this is the question that August and Kendra attempt to answer. They each choose one historically lauded work from the English canon and try to prove why it is still worth reading by going into what they love about them and why they are so culturally pervasive.

Our culture values independence. We live in a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" society. "You can't rely on anyone but yourself." Dependence on the other hand is seen as a weakness. Something to be ashamed of. It's not a quality we often use a compliment.So how do independence and dependence work within a marriage? Can we still be independent individuals once we get married? Is there any benefit to dependence within a relationship? In this episode, we discuss some of these ideas and actually break down the pros of dependence within a marriage.PROS? Of being dependent?! Yes, you heard right! For one, you have someone to rely on. Someone to support you. It helps you feel more connected within your relationship. And, here's the big one, when you are in a healthy, dependence relationship, it actually helps you become more independent. YES, dependence can actually lead to greater independence. They work hand in hand. Find out exactly what we're talking about in our (In)Dependence podcast! Our book recommendation this week is "Love Sense" by Dr. Sue Johnson. Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Today's guest is licensed professional counselor, Taylor Heath. Her professional focus is counselling people that are experiencing struggles with mental health and addiction. In this episode, Taylor shares her expertise on attachment. Attachment begins at birth as we form connections through the child-caregiver relationship, but it continues across the lifespan and influences our adult relationships, decision making, and even our mental health. Taylor explains differences between secure and insecure forms of attachment and how they can play out in our professional and personal lives. We also explore the complicated interaction between disrupted attachment, substance use, and mental health. Taylor speaks about the pathways we have to repair attachment wounds as a means of promoting recovery and mental wellness. References from Episode 6 Taylor Heath https://christianfamilysolutions.org/about/provider-staff/taylor-heath/ Christian Family Solutions https://christianfamilysolutions.org/ Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT https://g.co/kgs/3RnMEg The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Neff and Germer https://self-compassion.org/mindful-self-compassion-workbook/ Addiction, Attachment, Trauma, and Recovery by Oliver Morgan https://g.co/kgs/tCCVsu

After a year of letter corresponding, Sheila and Joe decided to meet in person for the first time. She took the bus to the prison and waited for Joe in the visiting room. That first meeting lasted five hours. Two years later they were married. It would be twelve more years before Joe was released from prison and they could begin their life together on the outside. Andy talks with Dr. Sue Johnson, relationship researcher, teacher, developed of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and author of the seminal books Hold Me Tight and Love Sense.

We're back with Series 3, this time recorded from isolation. As we delve into a virtual recording of our latest series, we spark conversations around sustainability that we think make sense. This week we're joined by: Ash Bhardwaj, travel-writer, filmmaker and storyteller. Ash sits down with us (virtually) to discuss his latest adventures in trekking the globe, the importance of storytelling to paint a better picture of the world we live in and his thoughts on how the current pandemic could shape the future of travel. In his own words, don't travel less, travel better. Check out Ash Bhardwaj, and don't forget to check out what we're up to here.Love + Sense,Homethings See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Loneliness is a pandemic on its own that has been predicted by experts to only get worse with time. Join me on this very deep and informative episode as I breakdown the entirety of loneliness and offer solutions on how to turn your life around. LINKS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/letstalkwithuche/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Lets-Talk-About-Us-With-Uche-108407607392501 Website: https://www.letstalkaboutus.org/ Email: letstalkwithuche@gmail.com OTHER LINKS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FncTDZxNbM4 https://www.google.com/amp/s/globalnews.ca/news/3342454/6-things-you-can-do-to-fight-loneliness-and-1-thing-you-shouldnt-do/amp/ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/loneliness/ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/loneliness/7-tips-for-how-to-deal-with-loneliness/ Love Sense: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Sense-Revolutionary-Romantic-Relationships/dp/0316133760/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=love+sense&qid=1594075608&sr=8-2 5 People You Need to Be Happy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vKdRuusqHA&t=58s --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

We're back with Series 3, this time recorded from isolation. As we delve into a virtual recording of our latest series, we spark conversations around sustainability that we think make sense. This week we're joined by: Alex and Freya, the co-founders of Alexander Clementine, a revolutionary underwear brand that uses seaweed instead of cotton. Listen in as we learn about their unique silk-like Tencel and Seacell™ blend, which is not only softer than cotton but uses 95% less water in its production giving it a huge edge over traditional cotton underwear. We discuss what it's like to launch a business during lockdown and their thoughts on the future of sustainable consumption. Check out Alexander Clementine, and don't forget to check out what we're up to here.Love + Sense,Homethings See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this episode, I am answering a listeners's question in how to reconnect emotionally with his wife.  In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:  The four stages of separation distress.  The benefits and value of going slow to maintain emotional balance and regulation.  How to reveal and soften to help create safety.  The importance of being emotionally present and attuned to your significant other.  Where men often get stuck in connecting emotionally, especially when there is conflict.   Mentioned:  Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson ERP 220: How To Deal With Stonewalling In Relationship (podcast) Still Face Experiment (video) Dr. Susan Johnson talk "Conversations at The Royal: Love Sense" (video) Love Sense (book) by Dr. Susan Johnson Hold Me Tight (book) by Dr. Susan Johnson The Gottman Institute (website) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:  Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com  Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.   

We're back with Series 3, this time recorded from isolation. As we delve into a virtual recording of our latest series, we spark conversations around sustainability that we think make sense. This week we're joined by: Tori Tsui, climate activist who was recently sponsored by Stella McCartney to sail to the United Nation Climate Change Conference (COP25) and is a prominent figure in other projects such as raising the importance of young activist voices within the Latin American and Caribbean communities through the Sail For Change initiative and hosting a #digitalstrike across her own platform against the deforestation of the Amazon rainforest.Check out Tori Tsui, and don't forget to check out what we're up to here.Love + Sense,Homethings See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We're back with Series 3, this time recorded from isolation. As we delve into a virtual recording of our latest series, we spark conversations around sustainability that we think make sense. This week we're joined by: Anna Brightman, co-founder of UpCircle, a brand that uses repurposed food ingredients to create organic and sustainable beauty products.Listen in as we discuss the importance of recycling food waste, the sustainability of brands trying to make a positive impact and ask the question: how achievable really is a zero-waste lifestyle?Check out UpCircle, and don't forget to follow our journey on Kickstarter!Love + Sense,Homethings See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We're back with Series 3, this time recorded from isolation. As we delve into a virtual recording of our latest series, we spark conversations around sustainability that we think make sense. This week we're joined by: Emily Broughton, founder of Saving The Grace, a sustainable living platform focussing on the 5 waves of change.Listen in as we discuss conscious living for water healing, why Emily created an app called Quantum and the challenges faced of living sustainability within a city. Check out Saving The Grace, and don't forget to follow our journey on Kickstarter!Love + Sense,Homethings See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We're back with Series 3, this time recorded from isolation. As we delve into a virtual recording of our latest series, we spark conversations around sustainability that we think make sense. This week we're joined by: Mairead Cahill, founder of Wonderoom, a platform for inspiration and connection on sustainable living.Listen in as we discuss how to switch up the sustainability game, why there's such a buzz for conscious brands and Wonderoom's new #FeelGoodAtHome series on Instagram.Check out Wonderoom, and don't forget to follow our journey on Kickstarter!Love + Sense,Homethings See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The Solution: The first space court martial. Your hosts talk more quarantine, sex workers, Love Sense, Elon Musk, shooting Trump into space, and the disappointment of Barack Obama. patreon.com/eatabagpodcast twitter.com/eatabagpodcast reddit.com/r/eatabagpodcast eatabagpodcast.com

When we're stressed we usually turn the volume up on our emotions or turn the volume down on our emotions -- and then in relationships, we fight over the volume knob. In this episode, we discuss attachment styles and strategies to deal with stress, and how it impacts interactions in our relationships -- informed by Emotionally Focused Therapy, and the work of Sue Johnson. Hold Me Tight or Love Sense are great starting places for her work. We also asked the question: Does God want us to deny our emotions? God often urges us to not be afraid, worried or anxious throughout scripture. So does that means that we're doing something wrong if we feel one of those things?

"Relationships are the keystone of our lives. They are as important to us as our next breath." In this episode of the Mindspace podcast, Dr. Joe speaks with Dr. Sue Johnson. Sue is a pioneer in the field of couples therapy. Alongside Dr. Les Greenberg, Dr. Johnson developed emotionally focused couples and family therapy (EFT), which is a couples therapy based on the newest research surrounding relationships: attachment theory. She is also the author of many books like Hold Me Tight, Created for Connection, and Love Sense and is the founder of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), which offers training to therapists in EFT. Dr. Johnson and Dr. Joe spoke about: What is emotionally focused couples and family therapy (EFT)? What is attachment theory? The importance of building a securely attached relationship rather than focusing on communication skills over emotions How we are bonding mammals The 3 factors that define the quality of intimate relationships The 5 stages that an EFT therapist guides their clients through The differences between EFT and more conventional therapies The state of the modern world and EFT’s perspective on it If you’d like to seek services in couples therapy and EFT, please visit our site for more information.

One of the popular messages shared by both therapists and media alike is that we are supposed to be in complete control of our own emotions before, or even IF we then turn to others and that it is necessary to love yourself first and only THEN will someone else be able to love you. But according to Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of the highly successful evidence-based couples therapy model, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), our new knowledge “stands that message on its head.” Dr. Johnson, in her latest book, Love Sense https://amzn.to/2RYEwq6, The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, says that “we are designed to deal with emotion in concert with another person, not by ourselves.” Tony breaks down attachment issues at their very beginning, when we’re born, and then builds on why it is so important to have a secure attachment as a base to operate from in order to be more successful in navigating the complex world of human relationships. “We have cracked the code of love,” says Dr. Johnson. -Tony's new best selling book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" is now available on Kindle. https://amzn.to/38mauBo-Tony will be speaking in the Midvale North Stake on Sunday, January 26th in Midvale, UT. His talk is titled "Hang in There! You're Doing Better Than You Think." The talk is free, the address is 97 W 7500 South, Midvale, UT.-Tony will be presenting at the Outlier Podcast Festival in Salt Lake City on January 25th, 2020. You can find out more info here: Outlier Podcast Festival | Salt Lake City at The Pod Mill @ 30 South Main Street Salt Lake City UT January 24-25, 2020 http://outlierpodfest.com/ Get a 15% discount to attend the festival by using the discount code "Outlier".-Tony Overbay, is the co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4. The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and remains there as the time of this record. The book has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields.-The book tackles tough questions with answers from both the expert and the addict's point of view. Tony, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and creator of The Path Back, an online pornography addiction recovery program that has helped hundreds of people overcome turning to pornography and other compulsive sexual behaviors as a coping mechanism, and Joshua Shea, former addict, and author of the book “The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About” read their respective answers to questions such as "Finding out he's addicted to porn has turned me off to sex completely, what should I do?" And "How much do we tell the kids?" And "Does this mean that God is mad at me, or doesn't love me?"-Reviews include: "This is the most helpful book for porn addicts and the people who (still) love them. One of the most courageous and timely books to help with a widespread and almost never talked about epidemic that is ruining marriages, careers, and lives. It will give hope to millions of people who are addicted to pornography. -- Mark Goulston, MD, FAPA, Author of Just Listen Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.-You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs, and podcasts.-The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://Betterhelp.com/virtualcouch Betterhelp.com is the world's leading provider of online therapy. Their mission is to make professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient, so anyone who struggles with life's challenges can get help, anytime, anywhere. Head to http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch for 10% off your first month of services.

Have you ever bought a new car, and then all of a sudden felt like everybody was driving the same model? The same can be said for almost any type of purchase, or hairstyle, even some of the phrases that you say, right? (See what I did there, have you noticed everyone saying "right" after almost all of their sentences, even if you don't agree with them?). Most likely you're experiencing what psychologists call "Confirmation Bias." Simply put, confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor and recall information in a way that affirms one's beliefs or hypotheses (thank you Wikipedia!). In today's episode, Tony goes over Kendra Cherry's article from Verywellmind.com How Confirmation Bias Works (https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-confirmation-bias-2795024). He also references Russ Harris' books The Happiness Trap (https://amzn.to/2ZeuPYm), and ACT Made Simple (https://amzn.to/2KJGDdb), as well as Sue Johnson's Love Sense (https://amzn.to/31S9wtd). Today’s episode is sponsored by Betterhelp.com. Use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch to receive 10 percent off your first month of Betterhelp.com's online counseling services featuring access to over 4,000 licensed therapists, who are available within 24 hours of your initial assessment. If you aren't comfortable with waiting rooms, or taking a chance on a therapist that you're not sure has the expertise that you are looking for, visit Betterhelp.com/virtualcouch and read the hundreds of reviews, or start the assessment process today and discover the world of online counseling, over 500,000 people are doing it to amazing results.

Dr. Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, and a leading innovator in the field of couple’s therapy and adult attachment. Dr. Johnson is the founder of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy, which is backed by over 30 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. Dr. Johnson is founding Director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) and Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant University in San Diego, California, as well as Professor Emeritus, Clinical Psychology, at the University of Ottawa, Canada. Dr. Johnson is the author of many books, including Hold Me Tight, Love Sense, and Created for Connection. Emotionally Focused Therapy builds on the idea that adult relationships are complex, and it gives therapists a guide to help their clients in couples therapy. EFT seeks to help the couple bond and become a secure base for each other. EFT is a short-term and structured therapeutic approach, which teaches couples how to change negative communication patterns so they can feel closer and more connected to each other. The emerging research on neuroscience validates the importance of healthy attachments. When there is a breakdown in our relationships, our brains interpret this as danger, which leads to a fight-or-flight response. EFT seeks to help a couple bond and become a secure base for each other. Dr. Sue Johnson on Twitter: @Dr_SueJohnson

EPISODE 13 Improving Our Relationships After Experiencing Trauma Today’s episode is one I have been looking forward to releasing because I know it can help so many people! I am honored to share a conversation with a colleague who I admire greatly. Maritza Plascencia, LMFT,  lives and works in the OC. She has worked in the trauma field since 2007 and is a graduate from UC Irvine with a Masters in Mental Health from the California School of Professional Psychology, Alliant International University. Maritza specializes in domestic violence, sexual assault, EMDR and EFT (emotional focused therapy). In her private practice she works with couples, individuals in both Spanish/English but has found a lot of success with biracial, bicultural couples who actually pursue her “spanglish” therapy. Early on her career, Maritza came to realize she wanted to work with trauma following her journey of healing from PTSD.   Mrs. Plascencia begins by sharing her own definition of trauma. We also talk about the definition of attachment, and the way trauma can impact the how we relate to others. Some of the resources Maritza shared on the episode are: ‘Love Sense’ and ‘Hold me Tight’ by Dr. Sue Johnson. 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk ‘Healing Trauma’ by Peter Levine ‘When the Body says No’ by Dr. Gabor Maté Avatar (2009 Film)   For more information about Mrs. Maritza Placencia you can visit her website: www.mindfulquestrelationshipcounseling.com, on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mindfulquestrc/or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/mindfulquestrelationshipcounseling/   For more information about ‘The Beyond Resilience Life Podcast’: https://www.instagram.com/thebeyondresiliencelife/ https://www.facebook.com/drlydianagarcia www.thebeyondresiliencelife.com Contact Us: info@thebeyondresiliencelife.com

World-renowned couples therapist Dr. Scott Woolley joins his daughter Grace Jensen to explain the science behind falling in and out of love. Simply put, love is fueled by emotional vulnerability being seen, accepted, and reciprocated. (6:10) Because emotional safety is essential to love, being able to repair emotional wounds is vital for a continued loving relationship. (13:18) Dr. Woolley and Grace discuss the process of digging deeper, pausing to gain perspective, and how emotional perspective is crucial to healing these hurts.Typical conflict styles are described starting at 20:10. “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson is highly recommended, along with her online program, which can be found here. Dr. Woolley then shares “the secret to a happy marriage” when Grace asks him what he thinks of the mantra that communication is everything. (44:55)Get Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson here.Get Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson here.Huge thank you to our sponsors for this episode!Get 40% off hair scarves and scrunchies at https://www.prettiesbycourtney.com/ by using the code NEWLYWEDSHOWGet 50% off bows and bow ties at https://www.shoplittlehoney.com/ by using the code NEWLYWEDSHOW

One of the popular messages shared by both therapists and media alike is that we are supposed to be in complete control of our own emotions before, or even IF we then turn to others and that it is necessary to love yourself first and only THEN will someone else be able to love you. But according to Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of the highly successful evidence-based couples therapy model, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), our new knowledge “stands that message on its head.” Dr. Johnson, in her latest book, Love Sense https://amzn.to/2RYEwq6, The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, says that “we are designed to deal with emotion in concert with another person, not by ourselves.” Tony breaks down attachment issues at their very beginning, when we’re born, and then builds on why it is so important to have a secure attachment as a base to operate from in order to be more successful in navigating the complex world of human relationships. “We have cracked the code of love,” says Dr. Johnson. Tony's new best selling book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" is now available on Kindle. https://amzn.to/38mauBo-Tony Overbay, is the co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4. The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and remains there as the time of this record. The book has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields.-The book tackles tough questions with answers from both the expert and the addict's point of view. Tony, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and creator of The Path Back, an online pornography addiction recovery program that has helped hundreds of people overcome turning to pornography and other compulsive sexual behaviors as a coping mechanism, and Joshua Shea, former addict, and author of the book “The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About” read their respective answers to questions such as "Finding out he's addicted to porn has turned me off to sex completely, what should I do?" And "How much do we tell the kids?" And "Does this mean that God is mad at me, or doesn't love me?"-Reviews include: "This is the most helpful book for porn addicts and the people who (still) love them. One of the most courageous and timely books to help with a widespread and almost never talked about epidemic that is ruining marriages, careers, and lives. It will give hope to millions of people who are addicted to pornography. -- Mark Goulston, MD, FAPA, Author of Just Listen Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.-You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs, and podcasts.-The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://Betterhelp.com/virtualcouch Betterhelp.com is the world's leading provider of online therapy. Their mission is to make professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient, so anyone who struggles with life's challenges can get help, anytime, anywhere. Head to http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch for 10% off your first month of services.

"When we come out of the shadows, does the darkness stay with us?" We launch our new series on Arthur Curry and Mera by diving into the original graphic novel, "Mera: Tidebreaker." Written by Danielle Paige and illustrated by Stephen Byrne, this young adult adventure kicks off a new series of DC Ink titles geared to score teen readers. Brad & Lisa discuss how these characters fare in the footsteps of "Twilight" and "The Hunger Games," and how this angsty insight alters the perception of superheroes Aquaman & Mera. As always, we have a trusty relationship guru to guide us through the plight of our lovers. This month we're using "Love Sense" from author Dr. Sue Johnson and contemplating attachment theory's effect on romance. Are we ever free from the generations that came before? Probably not. Follow the podcast on Instagram and Twitter @CBCCPodcast, and follow the hosts @MouthDork and @sidewalksiren.

Welcome to Part 2 of my conversation with SUSAN JOHNSON, inventor of Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, which is an evidence based therapy for couples that she's been developing and refining for more than30 years. How do you develop and refine a psychological intervention? Well, on the one hand, you spend a lot of time working with your intervention targets—in Sue's case, romantic couples in distress. On the other hand, you put a lot of time and energy into subjecting the intervention to scientific studies, not only to see whether it works, but to pick apart HOW it works, what the mechanisms are. Sue's work has influenced thousands of therapists and couples over the past several decades, and her work continues to this day, as professor emeritus at the University of Ottawa, as founder of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, and as inductee into the very prestigious Order of Canada in recognition of her profound service to her adopted country. In the last episode, I mentioned her books HOLD ME TIGHT and LOVE SENSE. I advise you to check them out if you are interested in sprucing up your relationships and learning a little about what Sue calls the science of love. Sue is certainly passionate and committed to this work, but you'll also find that she's unusually thoughtful about it, too. Sue is a first generation college student who grew up working in a pub, in Chatham, Kent, southeast of London. I think you can hear that background in her, in the way she allows herself a sort of straight-talky candor and accessibility. But don't let that accessibility fool you. Sue is one of our deepest and most sophisticated thinkers. So here in Part 2, we dive a little deeper into the scientific side of Sue's life and into the development of EFT. And we talk a little bit about what life's all about, too. Wisdom, folks.   *    *    * Music for this episode of Circle of Willis was written and performed by Tom Stauffer of Tucson, Arizona. For information about how to purchase Tom’s music, as well as the music of his band THE NEW DRAKES, visit his Amazon page.  Circle of Willis is Produced by Siva Vaidhyanathan and brought brought to you by VQR and the Center for Media and Citizenship. Plus, we're a member of the TEEJ.FM podcast network.   Special thanks to VQR Editor Paul Reyes, WTJU FM General Manager Nathan Moore, as well as NPR reporter and co-founder of the very popular podcast Invisibilia, Lulu Miller.

Welcome to Part 1 of my epic conversation with SUSAN JOHNSON, inventor of Emotionally Focused Therapy—EFT—which is an evidence-based therapy for couples, one focused on repairing and enhancing the kinds of emotional bonds that we all depend on for our health and well being.   The author of numerous scientific articles, Sue has also written a bunch of books—some for practicing psychotherapists and some, notably HOLD ME TIGHT and LOVE SENSE, for the general public.   In 2017, Sue was honored by the Canadian Government with membership in the Order of Canada, one of Canada's highest civilian honors, which recognizes outstanding achievement, dedication to the community, and service to the country. Sue is Professor Emeritus of Clinical Psychology at the University of Ottawa, and the founder of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy. *    *    * Music for this episode of Circle of Willis was written and performed by Tom Stauffer of Tucson, Arizona. For information about how to purchase Tom’s music, as well as the music of his band THE NEW DRAKES, visit his Amazon page.  Circle of Willis is Produced by Siva Vaidhyanathan and brought brought to you by VQR and the Center for Media and Citizenship. Plus, we're a member of the TEEJ.FM podcast network.   Special thanks to VQR Editor Paul Reyes, WTJU FM General Manager Nathan Moore, as well as NPR reporter and co-founder of the very popular podcast Invisibilia, Lulu Miller.

Listener’s question: “How to not let your anxiety disorder become a third person in your relationship and the hardest part of how to let your partner in on it and help them understand the anxiety attacks aren’t because of him.” Second Listener’s Question: “I recently came across your podcast and I was really intrigued by your words and style of work.  I was hoping you would possibly be able to help me out with a relationship issue of my own. I would really appreciate your advice.  I’ve been dating my boyfriend for around two years now. I really do love him so much and we have a great relationship. I have a lot of anxiety in general and I’m just always expecting for “the other shoe to drop”.  I have a paranoid fear of being cheated on. For absolutely zero reason. He’s never done anything to make me believe he would do that to me, or that he is even capable of doing it. However, for some reason it plays in my head over and over, that it COULD happen.  I do everything I can to get this thoughts out of my head but they seem to come, basically daily. It’s starting to drive me a little crazy because all I want is to fully enjoy my relationship with him. He’s a wonderful man and I know he loves me too.  What do you suggest I do to stop these intrusive thoughts of being hurt? It seems to be a huge fear of mine that I almost expect to happen in any relationship. “ Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear stories, explanations, and examples. 1. Careful to not hide and cover up. It is painful enough to deal with anxiety symptoms. Attempting to appear okay, when you are not okay will not help your partner understand and be there for you. Don’t blame yourself. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, over 40 million people have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders can occur for a number of reasons: Genetics. Environmental factors. Brain chemistry. Medical factors. Withdrawal from an illicit substance. 2. Educate your partner. What happens when someone experiences anxiety. Symptoms may include: worry, overwhelm, fear, increased heart rate, muscle tension, difficult sleeping, shortness of breath, restlessness etc. Future-based thinking and uncertainty of one’s ability to meet the challenge. Understand anxiety and how your brain creates it. Amygdala (alarm system. threat, fear) Cortex (thinking, logic, awareness, details) Amygdala can turn on the flight/flight/freeze response in milliseconds. The cortex can not control the amygdala through deliberate thought process. Amygdala can override the cortex, can control or influence thoughts and focus. The cortex can initiate the amygdala’s response with fear and worry thoughts. Identifying Anxiety-Igniting Thoughts, by Catherine Pittman, Ph.D.  Download Pdf Cortex-based tendencies are called anxiety igniting thoughts because they have the potential to activate the amygdala, which could be a primary source of your anxiety. Pessimism. Worry. Perfectionism. Guilt & Shame. 3. Help your partner understand your personal experience. What your past experience has been with anxiety. What it looks like for you. What triggers your anxiety. What helps and what does not help. Your attachment style. 4. How to deal with anxiety.  Learn ways to change your brain. Restructure your thoughts. Name it to tame it Thought stopping. Cognitive restructuring. Work to build safety and a secure bond with your partner. Practice mindfulness. Soothe and calm anxiety Relaxation techniques Exercise Adequate sleep Distraction.   MENTIONED: Identifying Anxiety-Igniting Thoughts, by Catherine Pittman, Ph.D. (pdf) ERP 052: How To Save Your Relationship By Understanding Your Attachment Needs (podcast) ERP 142: How To Increase Relationship Satisfaction With Mindfulness (podcast) ERP 143: How To Increase Relationship Satisfaction With Mindfulness – Part Two (podcast) ERP 144: How To Increase Relationship Satisfaction With Mindfulness – Part Three (podcast) Hold Me Tight, by Susan Johnson (book) Love Sense, by Susan Johnson (book) Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic, and Worry (book) The Feeling Good Handbook, by David Burns (book) The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, by Edmund Bourne (book) Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (book) The Highly Sensitive Person (website) Photo by A. L. on Unsplash   TRANSCRIPT: Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Dealing with resentment in relationships help couples move forward positively with their lives and allow couples to have deeper connection. I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! ❤ If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

In this Podcast I will be talking about the most important factor in a relationship, which is the person involved.

How do you sustain attraction in your relationship over the long term? What can you do if you no longer feel “the spark” with your partner? And, what can you do if your partner no longer feels attracted to you? In today’s episode, we’re going to cover the mysterious force that brings us together when it’s there (and sometimes tears us apart when it’s not there): Attraction. And to celebrate the 100th episode of the Relationship Alive podcast, we are joined by two very special guests: John Gottman AND Sue Johnson. John Gottman and Sue Johnson have both been with us here on the podcast before, and our conversation today will reveal to you some surprising, well-researched truths about what fuels the spark in your relationship. The good news: While most relationships go through difficult times in which one or both partners can feel disconnected, the good news is that desire and connection can be rebuilt. This is almost always the case, even after a major betrayal. That said, while most couples can go from disinterest and disengagement to passion, it is difficult to find desire from a place of disgust. When a person is repulsed by another’s appearance, taste or smell, there is no a lot you can do. If, however, it is just that the attraction has waned then there is much to rediscover and rekindle! Not quite feeling it? Are you experiencing a lack of desire in your relationship? Does it seem like the spark is dim? Research shows that when desire is missing it is due to the fact that one is not being responsive to their partner. It is not, as many assume, caused by a deficiency in your partner but rather in yourself. In some ways it is like the old mother’s quip about “if you are bored it is because you are boring”. So much of what we experience in relationships is a reality of our own making. While this realization can feel daunting and humbling, it is also the key to feeling empowered and remembering we are agents of change. Unpack low desire and understand where the shutdown is coming from: A decrease in attraction to your partner should be viewed as a symptom, rather than a cause. You have to unpack the symptom of not being a attracted and look at the anatomy of it. What is at the core root of this? What might be causing this reaction? Often it has to do with responsiveness and the following trio of relationship dimensions: The Trio: Responsiveness is the key to rekindling passion and connection in a relationship. Responsiveness can be broken down into the following trio of key relationship dimensions:   Building Trust: Trust is built through attunement and transparency. There should be no hidden agendas or secrets. You must take care to see each other and to truly listen. Tune in and receive each other and each other’s words with openness. Listen reflectively, with compassion versus defensiveness. Building Commitment: The key to building commitment is to make positive comparisons to real or imagined alternatives. You can build commitment by cherishing your partner and what you have and by nurturing gratitude for what you have together. When, instead you do the opposite and make negative comparisons to real or imagined alternatives you begin on a pathway of nurturing resentment for what is missing in the relationship and you begin on the pathway towards betrayal. Come back often to gratitude and appreciation for what is. Building Physiological Calm: Building physiological calm is a complex thing, however it is the crucial third leg of the stool that makes relationships solid, satisfying, and sustainable. Find mutual ways of relating to each other that are soothing and non-arousing. Through collaboration and togetherness you can create an experience of co-regulation in which you can feel calm, playful, and open.   Respond to your partner: This trio of attunement, commitment, and calm must be constantly tended to. Be sure you are noticing and responding to your partner’s needs and emotions. This tuning in will in fact increase your attraction and your sense of closeness. By actively cherishing your partner you actively build passion! So don’t wait for moments to emerge to notice each other- build these moments into your everyday. Post-betrayal growth: Growth and reconnection are possible even after the most difficult of experiences. In the case, however, of trauma - which many affairs can create - trust will not be rekindled unless the symptoms and effects of PTSD are addressed. PTSD- which involves a constellation of symptoms and emotions, is a natural reaction that occurs when someone is faced with an experience that overwhelms their ability to manage in a regulated way. To address PTSD for partners who have been betrayed due to an affair there must be a supportive process that involves the following 3 phases: Atonement- The person who had the affair needs to listen openly and compassionately to their hurt partner and begin to create an emotional bridge Attunement- Strengthen the bridge and build trust by listening to each other and navigating conflict with non-judgement and non-reactivity. Really hear each other and work through accumulated regrettable instances that have not yet been processed in the relationship Attachment- Invest in the relationship- commit to each other daily and rebuild through responsiveness. Grass is greener/Down the Cascade- It is helpful to know that when you notice yourself making comparisons you are already a ways down the cascade towards disconnection, and even betrayal. This is true because you have likely been investing less in the relationship as you are protecting yourself by imagining the ‘other’. When we do so we are not open or willing to be vulnerable, and this leads to feeling unfulfilled and imagining the grass as greener elsewhere. You can do something about this! Tune back in. Truly listen. And turn towards your partner’s bids for connection. As you invest more attention and intention in the relationship you will begin to see your partner through fresher and more appreciative eyes, therefore making the grass over there less green and inviting. Keep stoking the fire- That incredible sense of being in love does not have an expiration date or a shelf life! You can keep this spark going indefinitely. Research shows that couples who have vibrant and fulfilling sex lives continuously incorporate the following 13 behaviors/actions: The Baker’s Dozen: Say I love you every day and mean it Kiss one another passionately for no reason at all (6 seconds at least) Give each other surprise romantic gifts and give compliments on regular basis They know what turns their partner on and off erotically and have a love map Physically affectionate even in public Keep playing and having fun together Cuddle often (gateway to great sex!) Make sex a priority Stay good friends Talk comfortably about their sex life Have weekly romantic dates Take romantic vacations They turn towards their partner’s bids for connection Not rocket science!  Put this list on your fridge! Celebrate it and become an expert at it! Make it your own! Stay mindful that courtship does not end after you say “I do.” Vibrant and fulfilling shared lives requires that trust building and commitment building gestures occur daily. Choose your partner each day, and remind them time and time again that they are the one you choose, they are the love of your life.   And then...SUE JOHNSON!   Lost attraction? Attraction can be lost for many different reasons. One of the main reasons is that people have gotten caught in a negative emotional ‘dance’ and they are left feeling exhausted, abandoned and rejected. This can be so painful that people start to feel helpless and begin to grieve and give up. When people say they have fallen out of love or that they aren’t attracted to their partner, what they are really often trying to say, but do not know how, is more like “Our dynamics have left me feeling overwhelmed, and lonely and so I have detached more and more and am now not feeling the attraction”. If you are feeling less attracted to your partner, ask yourself if perhaps you are caught in a dance of disconnection. Pull towards: Attraction is about much more than sexuality! Attraction is about being pulled towards someone. We are drawn in by their presence, their openness, and their responsiveness. Because attraction develops from how we engage with each other, it makes sense that when we begin to pull away from our partner whether due to frustration or protection, we don’t feel as drawn towards them sexually. Disconnection happens in all relationships. Feeling disconnected and then losing a sense of attraction happens often- the key is not to avoid this, but rather to know how to turn it back on. It’s not that happy couples don’t fight or get disconnected, of course not, it is that they know how to turn towards each other and feel safe enough together to risk reaching and re-engaging with each other. Pull your partner in. What do you do to help pull your partner towards you? How do you help make them feel safe and connected? Openness and receptiveness are part of the basis of building secure bonds and can help put your partner at ease. Risk being vulnerable by sharing how you feel with transparency and responsibility. For example, instead of saying “why don’t you talk to me more?” (which turns off their attraction neurons because it is threatening) try “you know, I was realizing today that I have this longing for us to talk the way we used to. I have this longing just to feel you close to me and to know that I have your attention. It is scary for me when I feel this distance between us.” Allowing yourself to admit your feelings vulnerably (using I statements) will draw your partner in as they will be curious and compassionate, rather than defended. You can even allow yourself to share with them that you are feeling confused and don’t know what to do about the fact that you feel less attracted to them. Sharing in this way can allow the two of you to heal each other and learn from each other so you can reconnect and this alone usually solves the problems. NOTE: If this open dialogue is a new way of communicating then be patient and don’t expect your partner to respond in new ways immediately. Even if they don’t get it the first time, with repetition their nervous systems will pick up on the fact that you are coming from a loving place, rather than a blaming one. Love CAN be a safe adventure- Think of the way babies pull us towards them- their wide eyes, outstretched hands, cooing… and then think about how you can’t NOT respond and engage. This emotional dance of responsiveness and synchronicity is intoxicating, and leads to the most rewarding moments in human life. Finding these moments with your partner will re-engage them out of shutdown. We are wired to feel thrill when we are reached for. Reaching can look like many different things- everything from asking your partner to engage in a project/adventure/task/moment, sharing bravely and openly in a way they feel trusted, or even asking your partner to help with something and letting them feel needed. Relationships that cultivate connection thrive because they have the safety needed for play and new possibilities of intimacy. Present not perfect: Thankfully you don’t have to be perfect in love! In fact, you can mess up often as long as you are dedicated to creating repairs after ruptures. In order to work through the fears we are so often present with in our relationships when it comes to conflict and disconnection, fears of not being good enough or not knowing how, try taking on the mantra “I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be present” Give attention to grow attraction: Attraction fades when there is not enough attention and attuning being given in the relationship. Do not let your relationship run on empty- find ways, daily, to fill up your tank by giving each other time and attention. Do things together! Be together! Love each other up!     Resources: Episode 1 - John Gottman - How to Be A Master of Relationship Episode 27 - Sue Johnson - Breaking Free from Your Patterns of Conflict Episode 74 - John Gottman - How to Build Trust and Positive Energy in Your Relationship Episode 82 - Sue Johnson - How Safety Leads to Better Sex GOTTMAN - Learn more about Gottman’s work and find extensive resources on his website Interested in a workshop or a training? Check out what is happening now! Read John Gottman’s books JOHNSON - Read Sue Johnson’s books Love Sense and Hold Me Tight Check out Sue Johnson’s website for videos, resources, and upcoming events www.neilsattin.com/attraction  Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with John Gottman and Sue Johnson Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out

After a year of letter corresponding, Sheila and Joe decided to meet in person for the first time. She took the bus to the prison and waited for Joe in the visiting room. That first meeting lasted five hours. Two years later they were married. It would be twelve more years before Joe was released from prison and they could begin their life together on the outside. Andy talks with Dr. Sue Johnson, relationship researcher, teacher, developed of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and author of the seminal books Hold Me Tight and Love Sense.

How do you have better, more passionate, more connected sex with your partner? If you’re looking for information about how to deepen your sensual connection so that things actually improve over time - then you’ve come to the right place! Today’s episode features Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), and author of several best-selling books on how to do relationships well, including Hold Me Tight. Sue’s work masterfully blends attachment theory with how to thrive in partnership - and she’s here today to talk about how knowing your partner more deeply, and building safety, can create deep passion in the bedroom. (You also may recall Sue Johnson’s first visit to the Relationship Alive podcast in Episode 27 - Breaking Free from Your Patterns of Conflict.) The theory and science of relationships has not really looked at sexuality. Newer research is finally beginning to look at sex in the context of relationships. Of course sex can be recreational, but the vast majority of people are experiencing sexuality in the context of long term relationship - and thus this context should be included in our studies. It is as if we are only now beginning to see the whole picture and are able to create a map to help us understand how sexuality impacts, and is impacted by our knowledge about love and attachment bonding. Sex is a conversation by other means. Think of sex as a conversation. If asked who you would have a better conversation with: 1) someone you feel safe and connected or 2) a stranger, most people would say option 1. This is true in sex as well. We have gotten caught up in a false idea that “the known” is less fulfilling, but this simply is not substantiated. Myth: Familiarity is going to kill desire.  In terms of sexuality we have become caught up in this idea that familiarity is going to kill desire and that feeling safe and connected is a disadvantage - but this is a cliche and there is no supportive research. Johnson explains that in fact, “what we know... is that the people who report have the best and most frequent sex, and find it the most thrilling, are people in long term relationships.” Research is showing more and more that the comfort and connection that happens in secure bonding adds to sense of eroticism. There is a distinction between a sense of familiarity where people are just tired of each other and not really connecting, versus what happens when you are actually safe and fully alive and present and connected with each other. Understanding this difference is critical to relationships! We know that the most basic element in secure emotional bonding is emotional responsiveness. When a secure bond is present there is emotional openness, accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. Intimacy develops because people who have secure attachment are able to find and create deeper moments of connection. ARE- Accessibility + Responsiveness + Engagement. The million dollar question in relationships is “Are you there for me?”. ARE is the answer to this question. Having a connection with your partner in which you are both showing signs of ARE results in a stronger bond, and better sex. Novelty: What is novelty? Novelty occurs when there is a sense of longing, erotic play, spontaneity, and attunement in a relationship. The ability to play arises when connection is met with a sense of attunement. If you are really engaged with somebody and open to being spontaneous with them, you will find that every time you interact together there is a level of novelty! This is true because ultimate intimacy is unattainable - the closer you get to somebody the more you know that you can never know them and this tease becomes a spark for passion and eroticism! Nature has found a way to shut-down habituation. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, floods us with a sense of connection and belonging and shuts down habituation centers of brain. Habituation occurs when people are not engaged with each other, and/or are taking each other for granted. Habituation is what kills eroticism, not familiarity. People who tend towards avoidantly attached patterns often have an external view of novelty - believing that sex will be boring unless there is a constant introduction of new toys, positions, behaviors, etc. Sex that relies on sensation and performance, however, leads to needing more and more to achieve sexual arousal. This becomes a negative cycle in which the other partner feels used, and disconnected. Safety and thrill: In order to understand the importance of safety to the sensation of spontaneity and thrill, imagine yourself on a zipline. Likely, you would only be able to fully enjoy yourself if you trusted you were securely attached and that all safety measures were in place. In the same way, if you have a secure bond - safety can be a safe adventure, and play and spontaneity are possible! That said, if you want to turn your partner on, the very best thing you can do is to spend a few minutes talking to your partner, and helping each other feel connected. Remember: safety in your bonding is a prelude to great sex. Falling in love again and again and again. The more we understand how sex and bonding are related, the more capability we have to reconnect with our partners and reignite a sense of passion. Knowing how to do this means that passion might not have an expiration date! What to do when things feel dull? The irony is that despite sexuality being ubiquitously displayed in the media and in the public, it is often missing in our intimate conversations. The best thing you can do to move out of habituation and boredom is to openly speak about sex with your partner. Talk about what really turns you on: what you like and what you don’t like. Expand the conversation to include not only what turns you on in the bedroom, but what turns you on in everyday life as well! The secret is in the connection and flow between us. Look at the big picture: What is happening in the bedroom is more than likely an extension of the rest of your relationship - how much sensual connection do you experience throughout the day? Look at everything in context - how do you dance together? Imagine yourself dancing without music - it just doesn’t have that passionate flow we all enjoy so much. Attunement and connection is the music that fires up our sexual interactions and makes our passionate encounters multi-dimensional. Jealousy: Jealousy is the result of a deep sense of threat. It occurs when we become worried that our partner is giving their attention and interested in someone else that makes them turn away from us. One of the reasons that affairs are so threatening is that it threatens the bond that is core to who we are in relationship. The search and craving for emotional connection is one of the most powerful instincts in our species, and therefore, any threat to this bond is registered and felt as dangerous and potentially life-threatening. There is truth and science to this in the sense that emotional isolation is a risk factor for every illness and disease that we know of. Bowlby’s 3 needs in adult relationships: John Bowlby explains that the three core needs in adult relationships are 1) bonding and attachment, 2) sexuality, and 3) caretaking. The attachment is the most basic core level and it defines the other two. It is primary in the sense that while you can live without an orgasm, you cannot live well without emotional connection and affection. We have too narrowly defined sex as performance and sensation - leading us to a disconnected sense of lovemaking that leaves us unfulfilled. Unfulfilled? Unsatisfied? Stuck? Wondering how to break free from a flat or unhealthy pattern of sexuality that you may have become habituated to? Invite in the findings from new bonding science that correlates emotional connection with fulfilling sex lives. Be willing to look at the whole picture - placing your lovemaking within the context of your relationship. Remember to re-establish safety with your partner before jumping into the details about your sex life. This may, for some of you, require involving a therapist- and if so, do! For others this may mean becoming clear that the intention of the conversations you are seeking are about connection and understand, versus shaming, blaming, or judging. Once you have re-established a safe container for this conversation, begin to notice, together, your unique sexual dance. Ask yourselves and each other what patterns are present. What steps are taken to initiate sex? Who does what, and when? Use action verbs! What emotional music is playing (or not playing) in the background of your sensual lives together? With safety you can be free to become curious and vulnerable and to begin to look openly, engage, and share on a deep and intimate level about your sexuality. You can begin to explore what great sex is for each of you. You can share your fantasies! You can play and be spontaneous! You can discover and relearn what excites you! Be open to being surprised by yourself, and each other! A great lasting relationship and a great erotic life together awaits. Resources: Read Sue Johnson’s book Love Sense and Hold Me Tight Check out Sue Johnson’s website for videos, resources, and upcoming events Sue Johnson’s talk at the Psychotherapy Networker on Attachment and Sex www.neilsattin.com/sue2 Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Sue Johnson Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out

Dr. Sue Johnson is known for her innovative work in the field of psychology on bonding, attachment and adult romantic relationships. Dr. Johnson is the author of the books Hold Me Tight and Love Sense. She has also developed Emotionally Focused Couple and Family Therapy, which is an approach to helping couples both resolve relationship distress. We have a lot more great content to help you learn to live your power and purpose here on the Podcast. Subscribe to the show to make sure you get every episode as soon as it is released. Visit MastinKipp.com/Subscribe for more.

Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, discusses the importance of adult bonding, why people should care, the research that backs it up and much, much more.

Speaker: Vince Klassen It's the first Sunday in December. Its the beginning of the Xmas run. Some of us are excited. And some of us are dreading it. The newest research in psychology seems to tell us that our dread makes perfect sense. For some, that's comforting....to know that we are not crazy. But no matter how you react to the impending season of parties and gathering and get togethers and so forth, I think we can make this season less draining, and dare I say energizing? And not only that, I think this work has the potential to revitalize our spirituality. If nothing else, this one will make you be mindful. Reference Materials: If you want to get a sense of your attachment style: Simple Attachment Type Quiz - http://personality-testing.info/tests/ECR.php A fantastic book that tells the history of attachment but more importantly, helps you work through your attachment issues with your primary partner. I got the initial example from this book. Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson - http://www.amazon.ca/Love-Sense-Revolutionary-Romantic-Relationships/dp/0316133760/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1448931322&sr=8-1&keywords=love+sense One of our favorite resources for adults in what he calls primary attachment relationships. This is a must listen (it's only in audio form) Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin (please note he uses our old language. So Island = Avoidant; Wave = Anxious; Anchor = Secure) - http://www.audible.com/pd/Science-Technology/Wired-for-Love-Audiobook/B016WTDRKM?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&mkwid=s0JRjSof1_dc&pcrid=87217303089&pmt=b&pkw=_cat%3Aaudible.com&source_code=GO1GBSH12101490AE&gclid=CPy_pfm5uckCFcVffgodIDoAVg Fun extra reading Attachment and relation to False Self - http://www.researchgate.net/c/nuikok/javascript/lib/pdfjs/web/viewer.html?file=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.researchgate.net%2Fprofile%2FChristine_Selby%2Fpublication%2F34033503_The_relationship_of_false_self_behavior_to_object_relations_attachment_and_adjustment_electronic_resource_%2Flinks%2F5404e29e0cf23d9765a6cd63.pdf%3FinViewer%3D1%26disableCoverPage%3Dtrue%26origin%3Dpublication_detail Bible passages used: Mark 12:31 Video clips used: Parenthood - No Harm Done

Today we'll be talking with Dr. Sue Johnson, ground-breaking researcher, author, clinical psychologist, and leading innovator in the field of couple therapy. She is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) and the best-selling author of Hold Me Tight, and her latest book Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. Today we're going to get down and dirty, talk about the tough stuff, what love is, what it isn't, how to cultivate love, and what to do when love's gone wrong. That plus survival of the nurtured over survival of the fittest, why attachments a GOOD thing, oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, why happy rats do the backstroke, and why we have things backwards when it comes to sex. Well welcome to the show Sue, are you ready to shine? Okay, before we dive right in, I've got to ask, is it great sex that builds strong relationships, or strong relationships that build great sex? Topics and Questions Include: Is it sex that makes great love, or love that makes great sex? Why Love Sense is a warning, a revelation, and a promise How the “Code of Love” has been cracked Why Facebook's killing romance! Why Love is not a mixture of sex and sentimentality, but an ancient wired-in survival code. Why society has it wrong when it comes to standing on your own two feet. Why Gorillas don't hang out alone And why intelligent Gorillas check out things TOGETHER. And why only the idiot Gorilla's go it on their own! The science behind love and humans as social beings Why Darwin never said it's “survival of the species” Why it's instead Survival of the Most Nurtured Why women getting shocked is a good thing! What in the world is the Cuddle Hormone? Why you have a direct connection between sex and your nervous system Why adult love and attachment is really just an adult version of the bond between mother and child How a mountain becomes a molehill through love and attachment How Winston Churchill found true love and how that helped the world! Why we need others to give us safe haven and a secure base to go out from into the world – and how this makes us stronger! How this affects women with careers Why long-term relationships are the exception rather than the world – and what in the world we can do about it? Why big fights are never about what you think they “ARE”. What is a Hold Me Tight conversation? Why James Bond does NOT have it going on! Why we've got things backwards when it comes to sex! Why Wailing Monkey Clasping Tree isn't quite the way for optimal sex! Why sex novelties aren't always the answer. What dramatically helps you for the bedroom! How tuning in and safety and tuning in leads to erotic play Why good sex is an enormous act of coordination! What assembling Ikea furniture and great sex have in common! How to find passion again and again – rather than keep it on ice! Online Pornography, the “porn trap” and sex addiction. To save the World read Hold Me Tight and Love Sense!  

In this podcast we interview Dr. Sue Johnson, who is a leader in the field of relationships and couple therapy and is the primary founder of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, which is used as an approach to working with couples throughout the world. She calls herself an attachment theorist and researcher and she helps people learn how to have relationships that heal. Dr Johnson has conducted innovative and cutting-edge research with couples and different populations and discovered many interesting things about the science of love and romantic relationships. In this interview she discusses how she developed her passion for relationships and helping couples, how her new book Love Sense evolved out of her best seller Hold Me Tight, how she was influenced by the work of John Bowlby and his attachment theory, what the research is telling us about love and why and how we love, current thinking on adult bonding and attachment theory and what's changed in the field of couples therapy in the last 15 years.