Nearly Mindful

You can be stuck deciding whether to go back to school. Stuck in a job you've outgrown. Stuck wondering whether it's time to leave a relationship, move across the country, start something new, or finally do the thing you've been talking yourself out of for years.You can definitely be stuck in being stuck. It's a vicious loop.* Why can't I just make a decision?* What is wrong with me?* I should have figured this out by now.* And my fav: Just DO it!Spinning about it doesn't help much, does it? That's likely why you haven't moved yet. We're afraid of making the wrong choice, and hey, there may be real risks involved. Part of you may want change, and another part wants the safety of the known.Have you been staring at the problem so long that all you can see is the problem? Our minds get good at what we practice. You've prolly heard the phrase “neurons that fire together wire together.” It's a simplified way of describing neuroplasticity: repeated patterns of thinking and behaving can strengthen the pathways associated with them. So we do them more. And more.Cool when we're learning to drive, play the piano, meditate, or build a habit. Not so much when we keep circling the same worries:* I can't leave this job because…* I can't go back to school because…* I can't change this because…* I have to stay because…* I'll lose…Pretty soon, instead of poking around to see what's there, we're rehearsing why we're trapped in it. Again. I'm not saying the obstacles aren't real, but consider that they may not be the whole story.I'm pretty familiar with this stuck stuff.I spent a few years in technology and digital marketing. I was good at it. I had experience, a reputation, and built an identity around my work. But it wasn't really where I wanted to be anymore.It took way too long to figure that part out. Then, how could I bring out the parts of me that weren't getting to play? Would that be OK? I knew how to fit into that work persona. Other people knew me as that person too. Walking away wasn't simply changing careers. It meant questioning an identity I'd spent years building. That was heavy, and it brought up hard questions.If I'm not doing the thing I know I'm good at, what makes me valuable? What makes me me?The stuck feeling wasn't something I needed to force my way out of. What I needed was to understand what was keeping me there. Once I could see that, I had more choices.Before “What should I do?” maybe try “What's going on here?”When we want change, we tend to jump straight to “fixing” and solutions. And ur friends and family will happily join in with advice, helpful or not.Quit the job. Stay in the job. Go back to school. Don't go back to school. Move to Tahiti. Definitely do not move to Tahiti.There's useful territory to explore before deciding.Try finishing this sentence:I'm stuck because…Don't think of it as an assignment. Just notice what comes up.Your first answer might be practical: “I can't afford to change careers.”Then something else like: “I'm afraid I'll have to start over.”And underneath that: “I'm not sure I'll be good at anything else.”Now we're looking at something different. The money still matters. But it may not be the only thing involved.What do you actually want to change?We might have a clear image of what we don't want.* I don't want this job anymore.* I don't want to keep having this argument.* I don't want to live here.* I don't want to feel like this.Okay… So what are you hoping will be different?More creativity? Stability? Freedom? Connection? Work that feels meaningful? A relationship where you feel heard? A chance to find out who you are now instead of continuing to live as the person you were ten years ago?Sometimes we can be ignoring a need we haven't named yet. Once we name it, the picture can change.Maybe you don't need a new career. Maybe you need more creativity and a sense of agency in the one you already have.Maybe you don't need to move. You need more community and connection where you are.Maybe something in the relationship needs some deeper conversations.Or maybe, yes, it really is time to go.The point isn't to talk yourself into staying or leaving. It's to see your situation clearly enough that you have a choice.Give yourself more than two optionsStuckness has a way of making life look binary.Stay or leave.Do it or don't.Succeed or fail.Most of life has more options but we aren't really seeing them.* You can take one class instead of enrolling in a degree program. * Talk to someone already doing the work you're considering. * Visit the place you're thinking about moving to. * Ask whether something can change at work before deciding you have to quit.* Spend an afternoon making art without demanding to decide whether you're officially an artist now.None of these may be YOUR answer, but they are new directions to explore.It might be just one tiny step that gives you information that another month of thinking never could.You may not be stuck at all. You just don't know that YET.You don't have to solve everything today.Start with one question. Notice what comes up. See whether there are possibilities you couldn't see when all your attention was focused on being stuck.As you understand where you actually are, your choices may become clearer.And clarity doesn't always mean change.You may decide to leave the job, take the class, move, have the difficult conversation, or begin something completely new.You may also discover that you don't want the change you thought you wanted.That's OK, it's learning something important about yourself.Maybe you take a leap, or just one small step.Maybe you stay exactly where you are, but now you understand why you're choosing to stay.I wrote something to help you go a little deeperAs a coach, I've had a lot of conversations with people who know something isn't working but aren't yet clear about what needs to change.That's why I created I'm Stuck. Now What?It's a short ebook and workbook designed to help you slow things down, look at what may actually be keeping you stuck, and ask better questions before making a big decision.It won't tell you whether to quit your job, leave your relationship, move across the country, or reinvent your life.It will help you look at the situation from a few different angles, notice what's underneath the obvious answer, and identify a reasonable next step. Get full access to Microdosed Mindfulness at www.microdosedmindfulness.com/subscribe

Don't you hate it when people say that? “It is what it is.”

When I was a little girl, I wanted a horse. What little girl doesn't want something that will love her unconditionally in a challenging world?I wished. I pleaded. I begged, but none of that worked. One day a neighbor needed help caring for a horse, and I was willing to show up. That was the first of many lessons about this thing called hope.Hope is a lot more than wanting something badly enough to make it pop out of the ether. It isn't blind optimism or a promise that everything will work out and our dreams will automatically materialize.Hope is a kind of trust. Trust that people will keep their word. That goodness will still show itself.That when something is wrong, someone will be brave enough to speak up and say so, and that someone else will be able to listen.That sense of trust maybe feels impossible to come by right now. Sometimes we're feeling plain hopeless. That feeling carries so much weight, doesn't it?It might also hold fear, grief, and the sense that nothing we do will make a difference. Pretending that weight isn't there doesn't help anything does it?Hope is a light we hold for one another until someone can see their own again.When hopelessness becomes the only thing we can see, it can feel like that's all there is. Our attention tightens around it, grasping. We stop noticing the tiny signs that something else is still possible.This can be when we need to borrow hope from someone else.If we pause long enough to notice, there are people all around us carrying hope. People helping their neighbors, speaking up, keeping their promises, and caring about what happens beyond their own front door. Their hope reminds us that we belong to something larger than ourselves, and that we don't have to find our way through this life alone.We can let that hope soak in and then we can share it with someone else who needs it too.Genuine hope creates a ripple effect. It moves from one person to another, becoming larger and stronger as it goes.Hope doesn't demand we believe everything will be fine. It asks us to believe that no matter how small, what we do still matters.Even when things are ugly, people live that truth every day. That is where I find hope these days.Just one person carrying hope can create that ripple effect, and the ripple can impact far beyond what we ever thought possible. Get full access to Microdosed Mindfulness at www.microdosedmindfulness.com/subscribe

Sometimes we use the word gratitude to soothe what aches. We tell ourselves we should be grateful because things could be worse, or because we already have enough.But sometimes that “gratitude” is covering up something else entirely.In this short episode, I'm wondering what happens when we stop performing gratitude and get curious about what we actually feel. Get full access to Microdosed Mindfulness at www.microdosedmindfulness.com/subscribe

Imagine a meditation hall filled with perfectly serene people. Straight backs. Peaceful faces. Not a wandering thought in sight.At least that's what it looks like.The reality? Most of us are paddling away beneath the surface like swans on a lake, wondering if we're doing this right while quietly assuming everyone else has somehow figured it out.This week's guided meditation explores the difference between performing mindfulness and practicing mindfulness. Not with judgment, but with curiosity. Together we'll look at self-doubt, comparison, the subtle ways we try to appear calm or mindful, and how easily we can move away from what is actually here.The good news is that the moment we notice we've wandered, started comparing ourselves, or slipped into performance, we're already practicing.We can simply return.Coming back. Coming back.I recognized myself in this one. You might too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.microdosedmindfulness.com

Sometimes we forget that we're allowed to simply BE.Not fixing, planning, solving, or carrying the weight of everything for everyone else. This is your time to step out of the noise and into the simple experience of being alive.To notice the breath, the body, the sounds around you, and the quiet awareness underneath it all.Nothing to achieve. Nothing to prove. Just this moment, exactly as it is. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.microdosedmindfulness.com

So much suffering comes from believing we are separate, alone, disconnected. Life shows us again and again that we belong to each other, to this world, to this moment.This meditation explores nonduality in a simple, human way through the metaphor of the wave and the ocean. Together we'll soften the feeling of separation and remember that we are not apart from life at all, even when our mind tells us differently. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.microdosedmindfulness.com

Let's explore how our thoughts shape our experience and how easily we can get pulled into them without realizing it. Using a simple story of a painter and a tiger, I walk you through a grounded way to notice thinking, let it be, and gently set it down so you can stay present without fighting your mind. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.microdosedmindfulness.com

Life keeps unfolding, whether we feel ready or not.This meditation is an invitation to stay connected to yourself as things shift, without needing to fix or figure anything out.Together, we'll rest in a sense of inner steadiness that can support you wherever you find yourself.

A Meditation for human dignity, compassion, and shared humanity in a time we all need to feel at home on our hearts and minds. Offered on the day we celebrate the words, thoughts and good works of Reverend Martin Luther King. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.microdosedmindfulness.com

A Meditation for human dignity, compassion, and shared humanity in a time we all need to feel at home on our hearts and minds. Offered on the day we celebrate the words, thoughts and good works of Reverend Martin Luther King.

Today, we'll explore rest—not as something to earn, but as a basic act of compassion toward yourself.Rest is a right, not a privilege. It's a form of healing. A radical actof self-kindness.When you find yourself caught up in the turmoil and you can escape for just a moment, allow yourself to take a moment for rest. Learn more on the website.

A short meditation from my class on manifesting our intentions. Listen to it a few times as you begin to get comfortable with manifesting your intentions.

In this meditation, we'll explore the art of returning our hearts to steadiness during times of stress.

Life's unpredictability can be challenging, but this guided journey empowers you to find peace within the present moment. Release the grip of frustration and stress as you learn to accept life's circumstances with a sense of calm and resilience

We can find the center of ourselves in a place where grace offers comfort, care, love and the ability to hold space for ourselves as well as others. A meditation on grace from Nearly Mindful and Janet Fouts.

Saying "I'm sorry" can become a reflexive response to so many things, but do we really mean it? Saying I'm sorry isn't always an acceptance of responsibility, or fault, offering to fix it, or taking the blame for something. And yet we say it. So what can we do to express regret for something someone is experiencing? Listen on.

When we're busy, busy, busy, it's a good idea to take a few breaths to re-center so we can be at our best!

Mind too busy to meditate? Yeah, I get it, I've been there too, but my eyes were opened with a little practice, and I see it differently now. So can you. Have a listen and let me know what you think!

Sometimes we overload ourselves with the worries of others. We want to help, to support, but we also need to take care of ourselves as well as the other person. If you, like me, are a "fixer", wanting to be there for someone to the point we wear ourselves out? Listen to this podcast and let me know what you think.

This Hawaiian forgiveness practice is about accepting responsibility for wrongs that are done. Not just wrongs by us or to us, but accepting responsibility for what is going on in our world and offering to reconcile with those wrongs on a universal scale. We can heal our fractured world by repeating this beautiful prayer as a mantra, repeated over and over to soak it into the depths of our beings, connected with all other beings as well.

Pretty much nobody just sits down, starts meditating, and is immediately changed. Like everything else you aspire to do, you gotta practice to develop your skills. You gotta do the work to reap the rewards. The work is the practice. The joy is in the practice too.

When things get rough on this roller coaster ride we call life, the memories of what brings us happiness or joy can sustain us. This is simply a reminder to be present with matters most. Different for everyone in one way or another, but alike all the same. We are one human race, with similar desires, problems, needs, and sources of joy. All are to be held precious!

Listen to my dear friend Dr Cecilia Lopez on those automatic thoughts that influence our behaviors in so many ways. Dr. Lopez has been practicing therapy for eight years in California’s South San Francisco Bay Area. She has a doctorate and master’s degree in counseling psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She has worked at a non-profit as a clinician for seven years and now runs her own private practice. Cecilia takes pride in helping others work through mental, emotional, behavioral and stress-related challenges by supporting the development of skills and insight that promotes a life of well-being and flow. She playfully refers to herself as a "Fear Coach". Her passion for helping others and her energetic (and sometimes playful) personality provides an ideal blend for promoting the improvement and awareness of mental health. Follow her website: drcecilialopez.com, podcast Mindful Living with Dr. Cecilia Lopez and look for her work on TikTok!

My wish for you for 2021 is to know that you are good enough, strong, enough, smart enough, and to wish for you all that you need to be your best self.

If we can take just a second or two to appreciate before we move on? We open the door to making appreciation and gratitude an integral part of our lives. We can LIVE in gratitude and enjoy the benefits all the time.

When we allow ourselves the freedom to simply Be, without having to DO, it can be incredibly freeing. Give it a try?

This concept of equanimity, of letting go of struggle and letting what is be– can be challenging and yet, liberating. We can struggle and struggle, or we can change how we approach life and challenge.

This meditation offers a short 5 step practice to get grounded when you're feeling anxious or stressed. Gi e it a try!

We have such interesting relationships with the days of the week. Monday is the beginning of the week for most of us, and can have quite a lot of emotion connected to it. Take a listen and let me know how you feel about Mondays!

Sometimes we feel like a feather on the wind, our emotions ruled by external forces and unable to get grounded. Those are the times when we forget that we have the power to choose our own path.

When we are running so fast we can't even remember how we got here or what we were supposed to be doing? That's a very good time to take a moment to check-in. To just be, even if it's only for a heartbeat. To stop the endless stories in our head and focus on what is truly real, in this present moment. Listen to learn how to create more space for yourself. Right now.

These days we are on edge, quick to judge ourselves (and others) and all of that judgment weighs on us. This meditation/journaling exercise is a useful way to let go and move to forgiveness.

I am so grateful for the beauty and gift of trees, so naturally, I wrote this meditation to honor them and Mother Earth.

There is a beautiful word in Spanish - querencia. It can loosely be translated as a place where one feels safe, at home, where one draws one’s strength from. WE all have this place inside us, we need only to find it.

These are difficult times, CoronaVirus is filling our minds with fear and grief. How do we find that sense of security, wellbeing and peace? It's right here, inside you.

It's not always easy to really connect with emotions just as they are. This meditation can help you turn the microscope of attention, to process the emotion by expressing it more fully.

Learning to meditate is actually much simpler than many think. It's the stories we tell ourselves that are holding us back. Here's an alternative idea in a super-simple meditation practice. Read the script at http://www.nearlymindful.com/blog/training-attention-and-meditation

It's my belief that becoming a more mindful person is more easily done by taking small actions throughout the day. These mindful moments may help you make mindfulness a bigger part of your life, and that benefits all of us.

When we are in a stressful, perhaps chaotic space, this meditation can help focus on the present moment and quiet our heart and mind

On this Martin Luther King Day, let's talk about how we see through different lenses, how judgment appears and what we can do to see things from a little distance, and a different perspective.

It’s so easy to get hung up in rumination about things that we can’t fix right now. The short #meditation might be helpful. #NearlyMindful

#MindfulMonday We have been constantly bombarded by judgment since the day we were born. Did we walk soon enough, talk soon enough, excel at school, make our teachers, our friends, our parents happy. Are we successful at business, in love, in life? No wonder we wallow in self judgement most of the time! But we don't have to! We are enough, just as we are, and if we just check in with ourselves more often and the stories we tell ourselves, we might just realize that.

#MindfulMonday We are constantly told as we grow up and go through our adult life that we should play to our strengths and that understanding our strengths and our weaknesses can help us to be more successful. But it’s really our approach to those strengths and weaknesses that needs to be addressed. Do we trust ourselves as a friend, to be there when we need us?

#MindfulMonday Do you know what phubbing is? It's the practice of snubbing others, either unconsciously or consciously, with our phones. I know, I know, it’s your communication tool, but bear with me, OK? According to a study by Meredith David and James Roberts of 145 adults, phubbing decreases marital satisfaction, in part because it leads to conflict over phone use. The scientists found that phubbing, by lowering marital satisfaction, affected a partner’s depression and satisfaction with life.

#MindfulMonday We encounter emotional triggers throughout our day and sometimes we respond to them more skillfully than others. We can adopt a gentle acceptance of our emotional response. Instead of fighting against the trigger, we can recognize it and by doing so minimize it’s hold on us. This gives us space to be more skillful in the conversation, allowing the emotion to pass through us like a rather than fighting it.

When we give ourselves time to pause, it can open new doors that we haven't been able to see. We simply need to pause and allow what is to show itse;f. Take 5 minutes to practice with me, won't you?

#MindfulMonday A body scan meditation helps you get in touch with the physical feelings in your body. Connecting these feelings with your emotions is an important step to self-awareness. Give this a try!

#MindfulMonday Offering yourself some self-compassion is the best thing you can do for yourself when you're feeling stressed.

#MindfulMonday This whole concept of forgiveness is somewhat confusing to people. We may think that if we forgive someone we are letting them get away with it, right? Saying what they did is OK? But forgiveness really isn’t about the other person at all, it’s about you.

#MindfulMonday The challenge, of course, is to find ways to make mindfulness more a part of your day, bringing it into every aspect of your life. The easiest way to do this is to start small. Do small acts throughout your day until it becomes second nature. Here are some ways to bring moments of mindfulness to your day.