No Chill Enneagram

Welcome back to the Area Code neighborhood: Feel For the Game. Nick and Noah return with a series of (mainly basketball) conversations about nostalgic moments in NBA history, current issues plaguing the league, how coping and mental health play a role in sports, and more. Tune-in as they unprofessionally, but sincerely explore why sports are bigger than just the score of the game. Subscribe now, and follow along to find out how many times Noah makes an unwarranted Kansas Jayhawks basketball reference. Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feelforthegamepod/ ✌️

Well, friends, we’ve come to the end of the line. We started this podcast three years ago because we needed a safe space for fellow enneagram fanatics who didn’t take themselves too seriously. We’ve made a lot of friends, and gotten some hateful one-star reviews along the way. In this final episode, we are getting it all out of our system once and for all. Except that we’ll probably keep talking about the enneagram an obnoxious amount, just not on this podcast anymore. If you’ve ever wished that we would type improv techniques or rank couple pairings, then boy do we have an episode for you! We can confidently say that we have gone where no enneagram podcast has gone before, nor should they ever go again.

In our penultimate episode of No Chill Enneagram, we aim our sights on two superheroes that give Bethany and special guest, Jennifer Clark the vapors, and Richard a negative self-image. A Marvel tour-de-force, Falcon and the Winter Soldier came out of the gate with some pretty fun action scenes and capped off the series with a deeply empathetic take on what it means for a black man to defend a country that failed to defend him. We loved it, and so we discussed it. And typed the characters. Enjoy!

This week, we welcome back Patnacia Goodman to discuss The Princess Bride, available to watch at your local library or wherever they rent stuff. Is the Princess Bride a love story with some action in it, or an action story with some romance? Does it pass the Bechdel test? Why does Fezzik make us a little sad? We answer these questions and more in this action-packed episode of No Chill Enneagram. And no, don't worry, there's no kissing.

This week, we discuss New Girl, available to watch on Netflix, with Patnacia Goodman. New Girl is like Friends, but for not-old-Richard-types. It's an unflinchingly raw and honest take on cross-gender relationships, what it means to "adult", and the vulnerabilities we expose ourselves to in the modern age. Also, it's freakin hilarious. We don't have a lot more to say to preface it. Just watch the show, then listen to our take on some of the most root-forable relationships on TV.

This week we discuss Brooklyn 99, available to watch on Hulu, with special guest (and enneagram 9) Sam Stevenson! Brooklyn 99 has managed the impossible: it made policing seem funny. While some of the early season jokes don't exactly hold up (a mentally unstable policeman, ha ha!!), the show's dogged focus on the people in the 99 and their wildly disparate dispositions and seasons of life results in one of the most relatable shows on television.  We here at NCE believe that much of the reason for this is the show's deep knowledge of its own characters, the way it managed to mete out personal growth in small, delicious morsels without completely rewriting or overhauling a character. In the end, these characters fear, desire, and aspire to the same things they always did, depending on their numbers of course.

We interrupt our regularly secular program to discuss A Week Away, the Christian Camp musical featuring some glorious '90's CCM (available on Netflix). This episode called for special guests D.L. and Krispin Mayfield, two equal halves of the podcast Prophetic Imagination Station.  There's something a little TOO appealing about A Week Away, the High School Musical/Camp Rock-inspired camp tale about teenagers who sing songs their Christian parents would love. We're not sure exactly who the target audience is for this surprisingly divisive and weird amalgam of genres and nostalgic references, but we do have opinions!

Listen to Comedy Has an Ouchie's "To Be Asian Is an Honor" here. Look, we can't exactly vouch for the, erm, realism of anything that happens in Bling Empire (available to watch on Netflix). But what we can do is type these characters as just that: characters. Sure, one way of describing Bling Empire is "What if Crazy Rich Asians, but real," but another way of thinking of it is "What if Keeping Up With the Kardashians, But Interesting". This episode, we had special guest, Jennifer Clark (who HAPPENS to be Richard's wife, but THAT DOES NOT DEFINE HER) talk about what it was like to see herself in a reality show full of rich people, where she did and did not feel represented, and yes, we all weigh in on that one relationship.

This week, we discuss Mean Girls, which is available to rent online wherever movies are available to rent, and also your local library probably has it. Look, we're worried about Ms. Norbury. But we're also stressed out by Regina. And we're totally bewildered by Cady. That's why we brought return guest, Shannon Whitehead, to join us and help make sense of this whole social dynamic. And don't even get us started on Aaron Samuels, the quintessential mediocre white man who manages to pass as EXTRAORDINARILY DREAMY and A REAL CATCH all while refusing to make a single reasonable decision the entire movie. Anyway, this is us having opinions about Mean Girls. Enjoy.

This week we discuss Schitt's Creek, available to watch on Netflix. At the end of a long winter, we settle in to discuss the show that helped us make it through. Schitt's Creek is funny, yes. But more important: Schitt's Creek is the most warm-hearted show on television. It loves its' characters (yes, even Roland) and as a result, we love them too.  There's no better show to show us the brightest, quirkiest side of every number on the enneagram. No better way! Don't even try!

In this episode, we're joined by Katelyn Beaty (author of A Woman's Place) to discuss seasons 1 and 2 of Fleabag, which is available to watch on Amazon Prime.  Ahhhhh, Fleabag. It's hilarious, uncomfortable, cringey, but also weirdly relatable? And suddenly extremely dark?  Of course it is, because Fleabag is actually a deeply considered series about what it looks like to run from grief, and the ways we push one another way in our attempts to escape it. But it's also a case study in what happens when we NEED one another, not in the good-hearted, humanistic way. In Fleabag, every person is just 100% stuck in their numbers, and all their friends and family like it that way.  But what numbers are they stuck in! And will they ever escape! And why is hot priest Getting Away With It??? All of this and more in this episode of No Chill Enneagram: Watch Party!!!!

In this episode, we discuss WandaVision and The Marvel Cinematic Universe. All bazillion of these films are available to watch on Disney+.  This week, we welcome Jesse Eubanks, Enneagram expert and Marvel mega nerd from The Enneacast to spend WAY too much time typing literally every major character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And let's just say Richard (enneagram 4) has a bone to pick with the internal makeup of the MCU. You can probably already guess what it is.  ALSO: We discuss the modern suburban fantasy gone horribly wrong, WandaVision! For more super-fun No Chill Enneagram content, check out our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast.

This week, we discuss season 7 of 90 Day Fiance, available to watch on Hulu. Don't get us wrong. 90 Day Fiance is a GIFT for anyone who just wants to judge unhealthy people. But it's also an exercise in empathy, an opportunity to understand exactly what drives a person to complete and total disintegration, to the point where they can only work out their shit on someone else.  That's what we found so fascinating about watching an entirely too large stable of couples attempt to become soul mates in the shortest amount of time possible.  Join us, along with special guest Joy Beth Smith (enneagram 2) on an epic journey to type and judge, ahem, evaluate the integration level, of every. single. couple. on season 7 of 90 Day Fiance. It's for science. For more super-fun No Chill Enneagram content, check out our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast.

This week, we discuss the profoundly moving, In and Of Itself, available to watch on Hulu. Look, we don't like to do this. We don't like to be those annoying people that insist you "have to watch" every show they think is remotely interesting. But this time, we're serious: you absolutely have to watch In and Of Itself.  And then you absolutely MUST listen to our enneagram-focused discussion of the... stage play? magic show? one man show? Whatever it is, it's the sort of thing that will make you want to sit in the dark for a while and just, process stuff, you know?  We discuss all of this, plus what enneagram number Derek Delgaudio is, why he disintegrates on Twitter, and what we thought of those celebrity cameos.  ENNEAFAM : This week we'll be having a Hulu Watch Party where we chat amongst ourselves while rewatching In and Of Itself. Want to be one of the 6 others who joins us? Just follow us on Twitter and pay attention! We'll send out a link and the first 6 who join will get to hang out.  For more super-fun No Chill Enneagram content, check out our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast.

This week, we discuss the pros and cons of both Wonder Woman movies, available to watch on HBO Max. If superhero movies are modern day parables or whatever, Wonder Woman is a story of how men can't help but work out their shit on other people. ENTER: Wonder Woman, the no-nonsense superhero who's way less about brooding and much more about setting people straight with a little dose of reality. PLUS: Why Barbara is amazing, despite what she thinks about herself. For more super-fun No Chill Enneagram content, check out our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast.

This week, we try to crack the code of the mysterious Search Party, available to watch on HBO Max. Ahhh, Dory. She's complicated, mysterious, remarkably disintegrated - and maybe she's utterly untypable too? Bethany and Richard set out to disentangle the many apparent fears and motivations of everyone's (least?) favorite millennial representative. Meanwhile, we have very little trouble figuring out her utterly disastrous friend group, and we marvel over the real heroes of the show: the lawyers. PLUS: We discuss what primed Dory and her friends to make utterly terrible decisions, time and time again. For more super-fun No Chill Enneagram content, check out our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast.

We didn't have the opportunity to record a full-fledged episode for you this week, so we're dropping a patreon-only exclusive for EVERYONE to listen to. A few months back, when Hamilton expanded from a Broadway sensation to a Disney+ sensation, we took some time to type the folks in that play. It's a more casual, meandering version of what we're doing now, but we think it's probably enough to hold you over until next week. Enjoy! There's lots more where this came from, so if you want to hear our thoughts on the enneagram and tik tok, target, or tiger king, sign up for our patreon at https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast.

In this episode, we tackle the crowd-pleasing Ted Lasso, available to watch on Apple TV+.  Look, it doesn't matter who you are, what your enneagram number is, and how disintegrated you might be, it turns out it's literally impossible to come in contact with Ted Lasso without loving him. Even if you're an egotistical soccer phenom, or a high octane boss-lady, or a hard-hitting, highly skeptical journalist, you've gotta give credit where credit is due, you know?  So uh, what number has that super-power, and how can we become it? This week we discuss the mystery of Ted Lasso, and work to deconstruct the exact qualities that make one almost supernaturally likeable.  ALSO: How does a man like Ted end up divorced? It's weirdly plausible.  We're taking next week off, but if you'd like to work ahead check out Search Party and Wonder Woman/Wonder Woman 1984. 

In this episode, we discuss Pixar's latest animated tear-jerker, Soul, available to watch on Disney+.  Okay, so according to Suzanne Stabile, you're not supposed to type a child. But a pre-born soul is okay, right? Either way, we've gone an done it.  ALSO!! We discuss the 4's proclivity to zone out and fall into manholes, and how fatal that can be when your environment is a comically dangerous one that doesn't value simple safety measures like blocking off open manholes and moving bricks in safe ways.  AND OF COURSE!! We give life advice for anyone who's about to be born (through the lens of the enneagram, of course).  Watch assignment for next week: Ted Lasso, available on Apple TV+. It's only like ten 30 minute episodes, and they go down smooth.

(AND THAT'S OK!!) This episode, we listen to Taylor Swift's Folklore, watch Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions (available on Disney+), and discuss the marvel of a healthy enneagram three. First, for the haters: we were like you once too. But Folklore is a remarkable achievement in self-awareness and empathy, and you might want to check it out before you roll your eyes and move on. Second, for the fanatics: we understand what it's like to hear someone write off something they love as a meaningless fad. We're enneagram fanatics. Been there, done that. But hear us out as we grapple with what, exactly, kept us from accepting Taylor for who she is. Third, for Taylor Swift: We have some advice for you. Because clearly, you're struggling in life. You're going to need it. Fourth, for Scooter whatever your name is: wow, I bet you have some regrets, huh! Watch assignment for next week: Pixar's Soul, available to watch on Disney+.

No Chill Enneagram: Watch Party kicks off the season with a double feature of Christmas angst. It's Christmas-time!! We know we're supposed to feel happy, but sometimes we don't feel happy. Wtf is up with that? That's the age-old question asked by quintessential enneagram four, Charlie Brown, in the classic animated special, A Charlie Brown Christmas (available to view on Apple TV+, PBS, DVD, or through piecing together various legally shady YouTube clips).  In response to Charlie Brown's concerns, his friends basically give him a giant middle finger, but they also save his life. Friends can be like that sometimes.  Meanwhile, over in the land of Jingle Jangle (available to view on Netflix), an enneagram five finds himself frozen from fear of failure, destined to be filled with regret in his old age. But at least the story has a satisfying ending!  Watch assignment for next week: Taylor Swift's Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions, available to view on Disney+.

Hi. How are you doing today? It’s been a while, we know! We're doing pretty okay, for now. But you know. It's touch and go. Ask us again tomorrow.  But first, let's talk about this year. That's right, we confront the 9 Worst Things That Happened to Each Number in 2020. It has not been fun! So we thought a little commiseration might help. Then, we run down the ways each type can find joy, or at least cope, with the rest of this year from H E Double Hockey Sticks. And WHOOPS! We talked about politics because it’s kind of the big fat angry elephant in the room that we can’t just can’t avoid.  Finally, we discuss the year from a personal perspective, and hint ever so slightly at the year (and season) to come. No Chill Enneagram is leaving you (again) for now. But we shall return!

Casey Haas (pronounced like "Horse" if you're from Texas, or "House" if you're from Boston) is one half of our step-sister podcast, Fun Sexy Bible Time. She's a home-schooling Investigator who totally understands why fives freak Richard out.  During the hour-long period she's NOT surrounded by little people, we asked her home's resident introverted 5 a bunch of questions, like: are you all introverts? What does a 5's inner critic sound like? Hey, wait a minute! How can you be a 5 and have an inner critic? And tell us everything you know about the Royal Girdle of Korea!  It made (slightly) more sense in context. 

From the beginning of No Chill Enneagram, we were chasing the ghosts of ambitions just out of reach. At the center of those ambitions was to somehow get Queen Suzanne on the podcast.  Well, we have arrived.  We spend time talking to The Queen about what she's like in stress, what about Enneakids these days launches her into stress in the first place, and which number the world needs most right now. MAYBE IT'S YOU??

We saw Hamilton and we have thoughts.  To hear the full episode, become a No Chill Enneagram Patron for as little as $2 at https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast.

This week, we're joined by the author of The Enneagram of Discernment, and the co-host of Fathoms: An Enneagram Podcast, Drew Moser! He's an enneagram 3, which means he's always struggling just to BE COOL MAN and enjoy his accomplishments, or even the accomplishments of others. We talked about what he's like in stress, and then we get down to business.  The business? Well, it's all over the place this episode, guys and gals. There are lows and highs. We process a recent enneagram-world-scandal which honestly isn't funny at all, and then we take a hard left turn into a segment where we make some hard decisions about weddings, videogames, and candy. This stuff is important.  Finally, we run down the not-at-all-timely 9 reasons each number would get canceled. Listen, you're not going to like yours okay. It's going to keep you up at night. Don't say we didn't warn you.

This week, we talk to Nick Rynerson, stalwart 6 on the enneagram. He is Richard’s boss, the Chief Creative Officer at Useful Group, and host of the podcast Burn After Listening, where he ponders music. (Subscribe here) Look, it can be hard being a 6. Are you phobic, or counterphobic? Both? We ask Nick the same question and get to the bottom of what fear looks like in someone who’s ready for almost every disaster known to man. Financial decline, worldwide pandemic, civil unrest, freaking aliens, Nick is ready for it all. Just don’t tell him his musical hero died. He’s not ready for that. Even if they’re freakin 66 years old.

We don't have much to say beyond that in this moment, but here are some podcasts and books that do: Podcasts: Sounds of Justice Truth’s Table Pass the Mic 1619 Code Switch United We Pray Books: The Color of Compromise - Jemar Tisby The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness - Michelle Alexander Finally, we recognize that our audience may not all be on the same page regarding these issues. If that is the case for you, we sincerely recommend starting here: White Fragility: Why it's so hard for white people to talk about racism. The print version is sold out, but the Kindle version has INFINITE COPIES available.

In these uncertain times, the last thing we need is some do-gooder newsletter telling us how to feel or what to do. That’s why we’re aiming all our firepower at the Enneathought Bot who won’t leave us the bleep alone for just one bleeping day!! If you’re not familiar with the Enneathought, imagine getting a fortune cookie fortune sent straight to your email inbox every day, only it knew you well enough to make you feel like crap, and also doesn't read the room AT ALL.  With the help of Fun Sexy Bible Time’s Casey Haas (an Enneagram 5!), we bring some of the worst Enneathoughts to the table and tear them to shreds.

Look, here's the deal: sometimes we're overcome by a global pandemic. Happens to the best of us. And then you know how it goes. You find yourself trapped in your home for literal MONTHS on end, and in the meantime you realize that everything you thought you knew about humanity and community and social assumptions is wrong. All of that happens. So who you gonna call? Chris Heuertz, of course! He's the author of just-released The Enneagram of Belonging, and the host of the brand new podcast that was accidentally perfectly timed for the pandemic: Enneagram Mapmakers. Okay, but what would you talk to Chris about, if you had the chance? Maybe you'd just want him to tell you it's going to be okay, or more importantly, that YOU are okay, right now as you are. Maybe you want to ask him "Enneathought is out of control, right??" and hear what he has to say. Or maybe you need him to help you empathize with Captain America. Because it's hard for everyone right now. Even superheroes need a break.

It’s about that time! Yep, it’s time for an enneagram 8 to dispel all the myths about 8s in one fell swoop, and single-handedly set us straight! And somehow, we felt good about it! Let’s be honest, sometimes the enneagram can be so white. Karen González, a writer, speaker, and immigrant advocate tells us why the enneagram seems so dominated by the majority culture, and that leads to a whole wild conversation about nature/nurture/sexism/racism/existentialism just kidding about that last one. Karen González just does stuff! She was exactly what we need right now. BUT ALSO: 8’s in stress can be paranoid, secretive, and fearful! It’s a whole thing! Find out more. OH, AND: What enneathoughts make Karen FURIOUS? PLUS THIS: We type The Good Place characters! This was inevitable. ---- Want more NCE? Find bonus segments, behind the scenes nonsense, and more at our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast

We’re all in this together, but in what exactly? Like, what are we all trying to do again? We can’t exactly go hug everyone or help them in any physical way. So WHAT ON EARTH ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO TO HELP!!  There are exactly 9 answers to this question. We run down them all with special guest, Jennifer Clark. ----  Want more NCE? Find bonus segments, behind the scenes nonsense, and more at our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast

We know when we're needed, so we did what it took to record a very timely bonus episode about living with the Corona Virus.  We talk about what each number does when confronted with a worldwide pandemic and touch a little bit on existential dread. FUN!! 

This week, we speak to Natalie Schlabs (RHYMES WITH SLABS, DUMMY!), a Nashville singer-songwriter who battles her inner critic like a dang warrior whenever she gets on stage. But it’s ok, she’s got that 7 energy to help her out when things get too real. We talk about the multi-layered perfectionism of 1s, why she’s always yelling about dishes, and why starting a Kickstarter is just too much man (kickstartnatalie.com!!!) ALSO: We run down stage-craft for every number. You’ll NEVER GUESS which number just wants to hide once they’re up there, ok yes you will. PLUS: Type your baby in the womb! Yes, it’s possible! (no, it’s not, but maybe it is????) ALSO PLUS: An EXCLUSIVE clip of Natalie’s upcoming single, which is a totally platonic ode to podcast friendship!! ---- Want more NCE? Find bonus segments, behind the scenes nonsense, and more at our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast

If you've never heard of a "Fat Activist," you're about to! Amanda Martinez Beck, the author of Lovely and the co-host of the Fat and Faithful podcast, is one of those, and she has a lot of really smart and wise things to say to EVERY SINGLE NUMBER about the lies they believe about their bodies. Yes, even 4s.  We also talk about why 2s are constantly answering personal questions by talking about their family members, how marathons can kill you, and why talking about bodies is so dang awkward in the first place. ALSO: Bleep you, enneathought. You're a jerk.  ---- Want more NCE? Go check our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast

Sure, Michael Wear may have directed faith outreach for President Obama’s historic 2012 re-election campaign, served in the White House faith-based initiative during President Obama’s first term, and written the acclaimed book "Reclaiming Hope," but probably more important than any of this stuff is that he's a HUGE Ariana Grande fan, and an enneagram 4. That's why we had him on to geek out on both subjects - we stay away from that politics thing for the most part, and focus on what really matters: "Thank u, next," and why an enneagram 2 could never write a song like that.    FEATURING:    Nixon? Why he's a classic non-resourceful four.    An Ariana Grande Song for every type!   Why 4s wash the dishes so dang much! ---- Want more NCE? Go check our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast Find out more about Michael Wear here: http://michaelwear.com/ 

Maybe you know Beth McCord as Beth McCord, or maybe you know her as YOUR ENNEAGRAM COACH, the one on Instagram gettin’ all up in your brain. This episode, we pick her brain about: Stress numbers, HOW DO THOSE WORK!! Enneagram Blind Spots!! See the Enneagram 9 SNEAK ATTACK in action!! Let’s say coaches were coaching a team made up of one single number, what is the optimal way they should coach? PRACTICAL!! ALSO: Beth waltzes onto our podcast and savages Richard, just roasts him completely, you’ll never see him the same way again. He’s burned up and gone now. For more Beth McCord Brain Dumping, or for the Marriage Story enneagram talk we mentioned in this episode, check out our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast

Look, everyone knows a person cannot survive on bread alone. They also need money to buy that bread. And depending on their type, they also need water, or coffee, or Fruity Sweet Juice (TM).   On this BONUS edition of No Chill Enneagram, Bethany and Richard reunite to discuss the future of No Chill Enneagram and rundown the ideal drink for each type.   Want continued access to these kinds of bonus episodes, AND to support our show and ensure it's ongoing success??? Ratings and reviews are so two-thousand and late. Here's a link to our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nochillpodcast

Don’t cry little buddy. Sure, No Chill Enneagram is going away for a while, but it’s not like there aren’t 463 other enneagram podcasts out there for you to peruse. You’ll be just fine, we’re sure of it. Sometimes, though, we’re not fine. Not in the least. And we want to be honest about that - in a funny way? So for the last half of the finale we dimmed the lights, eschewed the guests, and had some real-talk about our lives, our hopes, our dreams, and the various ways we make ourselves miserable. Also we type like 7 million reviews, because we made a promise. Bethany will miss helping you guys. Richard will miss being known by you. Both of them will miss making a show with each other. We’re not going to beat around the bush here. Bethany and Richard are sad about this. BUT - the next season of No Chill Enneagram will be here before you know it, like a budding rose on a bright summer day, which i dunno if that’s a real thing but they are nice words that I strung together. Anyway. Watch this space. Next season you’ll have a role to play beyond giving us stars so we type you. In the meantime, take the time to seek out some other podcasts, like: The MillEnneagram for Idiots and Coffee Journey (Typology). We hear it’s ok.

The Enneapocalypse has begun. It's the final count-down before we rebuild again for season 2. It's the end of the NCE world as we know it, at least for now, and we feel fine. Or at least, we'd like to convince ourselves we do. In reality, we're freaking out a little bit, not the least of which because we still have something like a MILLION reviews to type in one single season finale. ALSO: we need to catch up with all of our new friends we've made this season! So we spend time talking to our own artist extraordinaire Matt Metcalf, and our podcast frenemies from The Enneacast, Jesse Eubanks and Samantha Stevenson. OH AND DON'T FORGET: We need to give one more F-U to the enneathought, because come on guys, you're just messing with us aren't you Augh, and we wanted to have all these deep convos about what we've learned and and and and... ok well we'll just have to save the rest for part two. We're not ready to let go quite yet, so enjoy part one of an epic sign-off.

Maybe you’ve heard of Sleeping At Last. He’s kind of a big deal, and HE HAS A NAME THANK YOU VERY MUCH. It’s Ryan. Anyway, Ryan was relieved to find out our show is not very serious, so we cornered him and forced him to rail against the Transformers movies, which he absolutely did not do to an adequate degree. STILL: There’s a lot of fun stuff in this episode, like a deep conversation about what it’s like to be a successful, artistic, productive nine, and what it feels like to have your songs featured on, like, a billion episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. ALSO: We know you’re anxious to hear Ryan’s song about 8s, so we gave him a little help and wrote the lyrics for him. He was astounded by our artistic prowess. Listen to this episode, then go listen to Sleeping At Last some more, then come back and listen to this episode again, then go listen to Sleeping At Last one more time, then listen to your mother on the phone, she misses you, then listen to this podcast again.

If you know who Chris Heuertz is, you are the right amount of obsessed with the enneagram. You will also be shocked to hear that he voluntarily guested on No Chill Enneagram. We can't explain it either. The enneagram works in mysterious ways. When you have someone as wise as Heuertz, you ask the important questions like "The enneagram is so hot right now, how annoying is that??" and "How can we become enneagram experts, in like the next 5 minutes, and could you get us a certificate or something?" PLUS: Chris explains why the number we ranked lowest in our first episode (so sorry) gets a bad rap. AND: We give Chris the opportunity to take over the show. Does he embrace unchecked power? Let's find out together... YOU WON'T BELIEVE: Chris types reviews with us, and masterfully so. Oh, and he says enneagram slang can happen, so that settles that.

If there’s one thing the enneagram community was missing, it’s an arbitrary and misguided awards show. But don’t worry! Richard is a 4, so he’s all about finding what’s missing and trying in misguided ways to fill that unfillable void. So here we are: the inaugural No Chill Enneawards! This episode, we unveil a new logo, and we bring on the person who created that masterpiece! Our favorite third wheel, Matt Metcalf, joins us to pick apart the nominees for awards like “Best Type 3 of 2018,” “Most Chill,” and “Best Enneagram Twitter Gif Account.” Give it a listen, and expect to explode with rage and/or frustration at your favorite famous person being slighted for something that never really mattered in the first place! (especially if you’re very invested in Taylor Swift)

No Chill Enneagram is here to end the war on Christmas once and for all!! This week, Bethany drops in on the Clark household IN THE FLESH, you know, just for fun, all the way from Portland. They hang out and build snowmen and then record a podcast or two together. They're joined by Richard's wife, Jennifer, the 6 in the house to discuss the holiday season. We also read Christmas ennea-grams from our listeners, guaranteed to warm the cockles of your heart, which isn't as gross as it sounds. Also, yes, we went there: we typed Santa. The answer is definitive. ANNNNNND: We type Christmas traditions. You'll never guess what a gingerbread house is. PLUS: The enneagram gift guide! FINALLY: Need help surviving the season? We've put our heads together to come up with some good ways for each number to survive. We're going to get through this, together.

This week, we talk to musician and enneagram 7, Jonny Barahona (pronounced... beautifully), about what it's like to be the life of the party, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. WE'RE TAKING EVERYONE AND GOING TO KARAOKE AND YOU CAN JUST DEAL WITH IT, CHERYL!! AND IF YOU TELL ME TO GET SOME REST ONE MORE TIME I'M NEVER COMING TO YOUR BACHELORETTE FINALE PARTY AGAIN! PLUS: Remember back when Bethany and Joy Beth decided 2s should NEVER date 4s? Well two can play at that game. Guess what number 7s should never date???? AND: We do some weird stuff, just to mess with Jonny. Silence, Sports, So on. BUT FIRST: The Stairwell Saga. Gripping!

This week, the dynamic enneaduo welcome Emily Lund, a six who keeps moving to new places all by herself, which means she's up for a challenge, that's for sure! PLUS: The news is killing us all. We run down how each number can cope with a brutal news cycle. AND: Yeah, we did that - we ranked the enneagram numbers again, this time on a scale of most to least trustworthy! This stuff is important, someone's got to do it. FINALLY: We figured out why 50% of the earth's population are 6s! Tune in to find out! NO BUT FINALLY FOR REAL NOW: Probably that statistic is totally false, if we had to guess. We think some monk somewhere made it up just to mess with us.

You guys! We’re getting paid to do this! This week, thanks to Lifeway.com, we spend a bonus episode typing bible translations. The NIV! ESV! CSB! NKJV! KJV! All of these are assigned to enneagram types! Just like God intended! PLUS: Bethany has an extremely awkward neighborly encounter! Richard tells a story about hiding in the bathroom! Lifeway.com has a bunch of awesome Bible translations and is always running great sales on Bible editions. In fact, at Lifeway.com all CSB Study Bibles are 50% off until October 29th, and all Study Bibles are 36% off through the end of the year! That’s a lot of percents! You should probably get yourself a Bible to match your type.

This week, we welcome Barnabas Piper. We call him Barn, but you may not, sir. He prefers to go by "John Piper’s son." Barnabas has a dillema. He's not sure if he's an enthusiast or a challenger. Meanwhile all of his friends and family members are like "seriously??" giving each other the side eye with their arms crossed, tapping their feet like sonic the hedgehog, because they all TOTALLY know. Anyway, we pull the blinders from his eyes and show him the truth. What is it? Tune in to find out. ALSO: We type denominations! PLUS: We get to the bottom of the age old No Chill Enneagram question - why is our audience mostly ladies? What's the deal with that? Am i right, BROS? AND: You know those friends who just HATE the enneagram? We show you how to type them against their will with a list of ways each type rejects the gram. AND OF COURSE BECAUSE WE HAD TO: We type John Piper, Barnabas' dad, finally and definitively. We officially know him better than he knows himself, probably. Listen to Barn's podcast, The Happy Rant, and follow him on Twitter: @BarnabasPiper

This week’s guests need no introduction, except that they do because until now they’ve been ANONYMOUS. This week we’re unmasking the brilliant minds behind The Enneadog, everyone’s favorite Enneagram meme factory. We find out how their insane experiment got its start, how it helps keep them sane in the midst of being barraged by Totally Legit But Still Hurtful Criticism of their work, and of course we talk about dogs. Oh, and we force them to explain how in the world they got EnneaQueen Susanne Stabille to follow them, AND reply to their tweets and can they put in a good word for us please etc?? ALSO A SPECIAL SERVICE: We tell each number what kind of dog they need. FINALLY: The best internet gifs, TYPED! It’s the thing you didn’t know you wanted, but it exists now and you do want it, it turns out. Follow the Enneadog Twitter account at @enneadog (duh).

It's the long-awaited 5 episode! This week, we welcome our special very guest, Shannon Whitehead. She Works In Content. You probably wouldn't understand. Shannon is a 5, so we force her to hand over the reigns of her life to us, so we can make some decisions for her that she's been putting off. BUT DID YOU KNOW: that Shannon is a crime documentary buff? We put her expertise to good use and recommend a crime documentary for Every Number! Even 6s, but that's just a thought exercise because 6s SHOULD NEVER WATCH A CRIME DOCUMENTARY OK. ALSO: We determine how every number would get away with doing crimes. SO DARK! There's so much more, but we don't want to pressure you. Think long and hard about whether it's a good idea to press play. Take your time. We'll wait.