No Man Knows My Herstory

Sisters Cari and Kelsae address feedback by a listener that Club Fuck Packer is anti-semitic. TL;DR it is, we're sorry, we'll do better. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/062

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss the nonsense one Elder Oaks got into during the month of February. But Sisters, you may say, it is now March. That’s right, it is. And honestly they’re still upset about what he said, so chances are you are too. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/061

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of suicidal ideation/other consequences of poor mental health due to participating in a cult. This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss that old Mormondy Mormon favorite, enduring to the end and the myriad ways it can mess up your mental health. It’s almost like being told to just hold on in spite of everything being awful to get some imaginary benefit after you die is bad for meaty monkey brains. In fact, it isn’t almost like that. It is that. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Mormon-Mormon-Mormonism is bad for brains, so just stop already and get a therapist. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/060

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and how it pertains to the ex-Mormon experience (hint: all cult survivors have trauma!). Sisters Cari and Kelsae (but mostly Kelsae, let’s be real, yay for MSWs!) discuss symptoms, brain chemistry, and one special part of your brain that may interpret your history of trauma as meaning that you are in danger only all the time. Join us on this journey, though lo, it is fraught. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/059

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss the recent changes to the temple ceremony which remove some of the most overt sexism. This is clearly cause ol’ Rusty has the red phone to Jesus and not because of the work of exMos, progressive Mormons, or, oh I dunno, Ordain Women, am I right? Tangents abound, as does rage at anyone telling anybody to give the Mormon cult any kind of credit for these changes. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/058

This week, Cari and Kelsae review the results of a survey they put out into their Facebook group regarding negative experiences within Mormonism. They also say goodbye to 2018, both for the podcast and themselves, and set some intentions for 2019. There have been big changes, which we are proud of, and we hope you have some to be proud of, too. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/057

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: A few mentions of suicidal thoughts. This week, Cari and Kelsae get stoned and watch a recording of the Mormon endowment ceremony, per listener request. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll rage against the cult. If you are watching the ceremony along with us, use the link in our full shownotes (on our website!) to the version we watched and pause the video after every room change. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/056

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: Frank discussion of suicide (including some details of a recent suicide in the news), suicidal ideation, and mental illness. Sister Cari put together this minisode discussing the recent suicide of a 19-year-old woman at BYU. She talks about her own BYU experience, and how the culture (heavy on the cult) of the institution helped create the situation of her own suicide attempt at age 20. She also talks about how her experience writing for the 100 Hour Board (an online, formerly BYU-affiliated publication) led to contact with many, many desperate BYU students, each of whom thought they were alone. There’s a lot of sniffling. This is a heavy one. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/minisode-byu-suicide

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss Leah Remini’s show Scientology: The Aftermath and why y’all should go watch it. They’ll get to the temple (they promise), but it just wasn’t happening this week. But seriously, go watch some cult documentaries. Scientology may be a scarier, more aggressive cult, but watching the experiences of Scientologists has helped Sisters Cari and Kelsae put their own experiences into context. (And yes, if you’ve done the math, Cari was 10 in 1998, not eight, and yes, Cari is a real life math tutor. In the words of Nina Bonina Brown, “Sue me.”) For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/055

This week, Sister Cari does a solo episode in which she shares apostate, queer, and just general gratitude from members of the No Man Knows My Herstory Facebook group. Also, we are doing an endowment ceremony episode next week, so think back to your innocent days of believing the temple would actually be awesome and spiritually enlightening instead of creepy and culty. Imagine what you believed about it all before you knew better, and bring that state of mind with you into next week. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/054

534367 This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss recent comments made by the prophet of the Mormondy Mormon Church of Latter-day Mormons and his wife which are, let’s say, concerning. There’s a lot of joking, fun-poking, and swearing. Ol’ Rusty Nelson would not approve and Jesus is probably totes offended. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/053

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss the BITE Model as it pertains to the Mormon mission experience. Spoiler alert: Mormon missions are extremely cult-y. Also, Cari and Kelsae both totally know that the honorific for male missionaries is “Elder,” regardless of what you might hear on this, their very own podcast. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/052

This week, Cari and Kelsae put together a minisode responding to some listener feedback in lieu of just taking the week off. Life is all kinds of up in the air right now, friends, so bear with us. Also, at the end, Cari says “auspiciously” when she means “ostensibly” and as she writes this she’s too anxious to just assume you’ll know she isn’t an idiot. Cheers! For fancy social media links and other info about the podcast, head to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss the gaslighting pile of crazy that was this latest session of MORMON General Conference. And now, a tribute to Russell M. Nelson and Lucifer himself: MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON MORMON. CONTENT WARNING: Mention and discussion of suicide, specific to LGBTQ folk and teens. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/051

This week, Cari and Kelsae celebrate No Man Knows My Herstory’s one year anniversary! They share some memories of creating the podcast, discuss some big changes in their lives over the past year, and share listeners’ feedback, news, and stories. Thanks so much, listeners. We continue to be blown away by your support and how awesome y’all are. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/050

Hi friends! Cari and Kelsae are practicing some mother-effing radical self care and taking another week off. We swear to gob the retrospective episode is coming! Here’s a few minutes of us saying that very thing, AND ALSO! We went to the screening of the new documentary Room To Grow tonight, so there’s a few minutes of that too. If you’d still like to send in something for the retrospective episode, email us at: nomanknowsmyherstory@gmail.com.

We need a break this week, friends. Don’t fret, we’ll be back next week to celebrate the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY (!!!) of No Man Knows My Herstory! Holy fetch. Please enjoy this short message of us saying that same thing (basically) and don’t forget to email us your favorite, most interesting, most swears-in-one-episode memories! Send ‘em to: nomanknowsmyherstory@gmail.com. GO AND DO THE THING!

This week, Cari and Kelsae revisit boundary setting with Mormon family members and hear feedback and stories from listeners. It’s a wild ride. Keep yourselves safe out there, friends. CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of self harm, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and general discussion of traumatic family interactions. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/049

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss McKenna Denson’s showing up to Joseph Bishop’s ward and calling him and the Mormon Church of Mormon Latter-day Saints right out. McKenna is a hero; we’re sure of it. Also, please send us your stories of your Mormon family members pushing or decimating your boundaries, or of you standing up to them, for our upcoming follow-up episode to last week’s. Email those to nomanknowsmyherstory@gmail.com, please and thanks! CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of sexual assault throughout this episode. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/048

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss creating and maintaining boundaries with families, especially abusive families or families who are still involved in a cult which harms you. They talk about their own personal journeys setting boundaries with their families and all of the accompanying pitfalls and feelings. Feelings are gross but also important, or so Cari’s therapist tells her all the effing time. Also, Cari and Kelsae are soliciting your stories of your families and why they need boundaries or how boundary setting went. Please email those to us at nomanknowsmyherstory@gmail.com. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/047

Hello friends! Cari and Kelsae are taking the week off. Please enjoy the following short audio message saying that exact same thing. okayseeyounextweek, byeeeeeeeeeeeee. For fancy social media links and other info about the podcast, head to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss two major topics: an article in the Salt Lake Tribune this week about a trans individual who will likely be expelled from BYU for seeking top surgery and self-care in unsafe, traumatic situations. They know a little bit about that due to where they are broadcasting from this week. Listen for the full scoop! For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/046

This week, Cari and Kelsae play a version of Cards Against Humanity made by the folks behind Zelph on the Shelf. It’s silly! It’s irreverent! It’s short! Hecklers rejoice! For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/045

This week, Cari and Kelsae continue last week’s topic by ranting about yet more crappy Mormon tropes. Among these are fake service, “knowing,” codependency, and nonsense reasons to explain why folks apostatize. We’re excited to be doing all this yelling together again. Reunited and it feeeeeeels so goood! For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/044

This week, Cari goes solo since Kelsae is out of town at mothertucking RollerCon! Thanks to the lovely fans in our Facebook group who supplied her with suggestions, Cari discusses just a few terrible Mormon tropes and other crappy, trauma-inducing nonsensical ideas, including the idea of the “adversary” (that totes means Satan, you guys, and it’s super creepy) and of suffering in this life being justified by rewards in the next. There are a lot of clips of talks and intermittent solo ramblings by Cari. It’s okay if you miss Kelsae this week; Cari does, too. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/43

This week is Kelsae’s motherducking birthday episode. Kelsae is coming out -officially! - as a lesbian at the age of 31, fresh out of a mixed-orientation relationship. Cari and Kelsae discuss the consequences of being raised as queer Mormon kids and how they are still paying the price. CONTENT WARNING: Mentions and brief discussions of sexual assault, rape, abuse, and suicidal ideation. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/042

Sisters Cari and Kelsae are taking the week off again (because self care is important, folks!). We'll be back next week for a very special episode to celebrate Sister Kelsae's 31st birthday. Hooray! See you next week!

This week, Cari and Kelsae have a follow-up to last week’s episode, including encouragement to leverage your privilege. Oh, and there was the time they had a phone conversation with Tyler Glenn about our opinions regarding Believer and LoveLoud. Cari and Kelsae: Now conversing with legit rock stars. CONTENT WARNING: Discussion about suicidal ideation and self harm (including some specific methods) during Good News Minute section. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/41

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss the Dan Reynolds documentary Believer, which was made available on HBO this week. Lots of people have been lauding it, but (spoiler alert which should surprise no one) Cari and Kelsae think it has a lot of shortcomings to say the least. There's a lot of anger, a lot of swearing, and a lot of Imagine Dragons songs unfortunately now stuck in our heads. This documentary is NOT about queer people or the youth suicide epidemic in Utah or the Mormon church's anti-gay policies. It is about Dan Reynolds deciding that gay people are people. Let's be real. CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of suicide throughout. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/40

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss American LGBTQ history and heroes because queer folks deserve to feel proud of where they come from rather than just not hating themselves. They discuss Stonewall, the US AIDS epidemic, LGBTQIA activists to know, and more. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/39

This week, Cari and Kelsae review some stories of LGBTQ early Mormons. They discuss Evan Stephens (director of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir who was totes gay), Ada Dwyer Rusell (an actress of Mormon descent who was a lesbian), Kate Thomas (writer of an openly lesbian poem that was published in a Church magazine), and Almerin Grow (Salt Lake resident who was exiled to southern Utah by Brigham Young for gender nonconforming behavior). Happy Pride month, y’all. Go find the LGBTQ early Mormons in your family tree and we’ll share them on the podcast this week (nomanknowsmyherstory@gmail.com). For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/38

This week, in celebration of Pride month, Cari and Kelsae discuss a rad lesbian from Mormon herstory, Cari’s great-great-great aunt, Louie Felt. Louie and her longterm partner, May Anderson, ran the general Primary for decades and started the Friend and Primary Children’s Hospital. Warning: The story of another Felt family member toward the end takes a dark turn. We would love for you to hunt down the stories of your LGBTQ Mormon ancestors and share them with us! For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/37

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss several mental health disorders and how Mormonism feeds into them. Mormonism is the worst. So is mental illness. Sorry if you, like us, have both. CONTENT WARNING: general discussions and mentions (no explicit details) of sexual assault, rape, self harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempt. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/36

This weekend is Cari’s 30th birthday, so it’s a short one. There’s one brief note about last week’s episode about white privilege, and then they do something completely different and read a story of their own creation. Have a chill Memorial Day, apostates. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/35

This week, Cari and Kelsae, two white ladies, gather up other white ex-Mos for a discussion about white privilege and how it makes us into a**holes. White ex-Mormons, particularly those who create ex-Mo content, should be talking about white privilege, implicit bias, and racism. We need to hear more from marginalized groups. We need to believe them when they say they are hurt and we need to support them in the ways they want to be supported. We also all fail, and we should own it. In that spirit, here’s the episode. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/34

This week, Cari and Kelsae give you two topics for the price of one. They discuss the announcement that, after 105 years, the LDS Church and the BSA will go their separate ways and the LDS Church’s concerns on Utah’s medical marijuana initiative. Cari may need to take a chill pill in parts of this but hey you knew what you were getting into. Please listen, Utah voters, and make sure your neighbors have access to the medicine they need. For full show notes and links, go to: https://www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/33

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss Elder Quinton L. Cook’s recent General Conference address, Prepare to Meet God, wherein this so-called apostle of the Lord introduced the concept of “nonconsensual immorality” and conflated it with good old fashioned immorality. Body autonomy is the theme of the day as Cari and Kelsae rip that miserable special witness of Christ a new one. CONTENT WARNING: Cari shares a specific event of sexual assault from 30:50-31:50. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/32

Cari and Kelsae were not planning to do a Joseph Bishop episode, but do an episode they did. They start off with why they were initially quite resistant to talking about Bishop, then launch into their reactions to the events that led us through the scandal through late afternoon 3/30/18. They discuss the systems in place within the Mormon Church that create and protect sexual predators. CONTENT WARNING: sexual abuse, assault, rape, etc. discussed in detail through the episode regarding multiple sexual abuse cases. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/28

This week, Kelsae and Cari talk about self-compassion. Kelsae gives us some of the key points of Dr. Kristen Neff’s book, Self-compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and both Sisters discuss and feel a little grief for their poor Brendas (their critical self-talk). Come, listen to an apostate’s voice expound the importance of just being fetching kind with ourselves. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/31

Hi friends, this isn’t a real episode. Cari and Kelsae are taking the week off for self-care reasons, but will return next week with pleeeeenty of swears. Don’t fret. In the meantime, go check out some of our previous episodes and hang out with us, but like, back in time. It’s what all the cool kids are doing. For fancy social media links and other info about the podcast, head to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss substance abuse, addiction, and guidelines for healthy use of substances. Cari used to work in substance abuse, so she shares her knowledge, and Cari and Kelsae each discuss their experiences with substances after leaving Mormonism. There are so many misconceptions about addiction in society and especially among Mormons. You won’t become an alcoholic if you taste your first Mike’s Hard Lemonade. We promise. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/30

This week, Cari and Kelsae talk about the most recent General Conference. It was, in a word, unimpressive, despite what a lot of active Mormons are saying. There are two new apostles, seven new temples, and two program changes to discuss. Buckle in. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/29

Cari and Kelsae talk about how they discovered they were queer and all the pitfalls that come with being queer women in a religion that erases female sexuality. They talk about exploring queer identities and labels and not feeling queer enough. They finish off by discussing the privilege queer people in heterosexual relationships have and how to not be a jerk. Learn it and learn it well, or Cari will get preachy and read you for filth. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/27

This week, Cari and Kelsae need a fetching break. It’s been a week, friends, complete with families and dealing with our wily brains in new and painful ways. We’ll be right back to our normal content next week. For this week, though, Cari and Kelsae play a little Mad Libs-type game with Mormon hymns and children’s songs. Pay close attention for a few answers that turn out better than expected. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/26

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss what they wish their parents had done for them when they were cute little queer kids. C&K are still cute (adorable!) and queer (women are so rad, you guys), but now they are traumatized atheists, and they have a bone to pick with Mormonism and its culture. Any rage expressed is directed at no one except their own pasts and TSCC. CONTENT WARNING: general discussion of suicidal ideation/attempt. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/25

As sisters in Zion, we had some values gingerly pounded into our brains. Turns out they messed us up, but the good news is that we don’t have to accept any values we don’t want to adopt. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/24

Cari and Kelsae discuss cultural humility, an important concept in social work and medicine, and the importance it places on continual self-evaluation and breaking up of power dynamics rather than on knowledge. They tie this in with allyship, and they discuss what makes or breaks good allies, especially allies of the LGBTQ community. They may or may not call out at least one prominent Mormon and discuss concerns about the ex-Mormon community at large. They have no anxiety about any of this. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/23

This week, Cari and Kelsae answer listener questions, since the crazy is too strong to be trusted with answering email and PMs. Plus, find out how to join Club F#ck Packer! Cari and Kelsae talk about existential crises, anger, and the frustrations of trying to communicate with TBMs about negative experiences with Mormonism. Sounds like fun, right? We’re just barrels of laughs. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/22

Cari and Kelsae continue their discussion about the LDS church’s recently updated website on suicide prevention. This week, they focus on the messages being sent to people whose lives are personally touched by suicide. Unfortunately, the church does not exceed our expectations. The website is blame-y, vague, and contradictory. This is not the most or the best the Mormon church could do, especially on such an important topic. CONTENT WARNING: Discussion of suicide attempts and ideation, including personal experience. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/21

This week, Cari and Kelsae talk about the recent updates targeted to local LDS leadership made to suicide.lds.org. Recently, Elder Rasband was added to a statewide committee meant to address the growing problem of suicide in Utah. Does the Mormon church give good resources, enough training, or good guidance to its local leadership? No, no it does not. And it’s dangerous. CONTENT WARNING: general discussion on suicide, some mentions of suicide attempt(s) without details. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/20

This week, Cari and Kelsae discuss the topic of informed consent (as in social work, medicine, and BDSM [surprise!]) as it pertains to the Mormon Church. Spoiler alert: the Mormon Church does not meet even the basic standards in giving informed consent, leaving its membership without adequate information to make decisions about their participation. For full show notes and links, go to: www.nomanknowsmyherstory.com/episodes/19