Phil and Maude on Successful Relationships

“O, wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us!” Robert Burns PHIL: Maude met with someone from her past who reminisced about how he remembered her, and this blew Maude's mind because her recollection … How to See and Be Seen in Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: Maude posted a meme on Facebook: “Be loving today – you can be right tomorrow” that generated an unusually enthusiastic response. Why were people so taken with this attitude? Let's first consider why we like to be right. We … Be Loving Today – You Can Be Right Tomorrow Read More »

PHIL: When we talk about peace with people who have not experienced it directly, they conceive of it as an absence. It has long been associated with death—the Latin, “Resquiescat in pace,” or R.I.P., stems from the eighth century. But … What is Peace in a Relationship Actually Like? Read More »

PHIL: It's time to talk directly about being present. We have mentioned it recently when writing about other topics like listening, paying attention, and hanging out. But what does it involve? I have written elsewhere that we have a verbal … You Can't Love If You're Not There: Why Presence Matters Read More »

MAUDE: Pay attention! Listen! These seem like rather simple admonishments. And yet, so many of us find it very challenging to do so. Listening to others with an open heart and full attention seems to have become almost a lost … How Attentive Listening Strengthens Your Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: Peaceful relationships are attractive. Once you have experienced the kind of deep calm and relaxation that such a connection provides, it is natural to want more. Developing these kinds of interactions through the many methods we outline in our … How Peaceful Relationships Create the Freedom to Be Yourself Read More »

Here's a conversation we had the other night about why differences aren't a problem for us. They don't need to be a problem for you, either. PHIL: Let me try and describe the nature of our relationship. I look at … Why Differences Don't Need to Create Problems in Your Relationships Read More »

Phil and I have, since the very early days of our relationship, set aside a time every evening to be alone with each other. We do many different activities during this time: crossword puzzles, talking, reading aloud to each other, … How Hanging Out Enhances and Strengthens Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: Respect. Like many words, it has come to have several meanings. There is deference: you should respect your parents or pay your respects to someone. But in a relationship, it has a different meaning. When we started to talk … Why Respect is Important for Creating Peaceful Relationships Read More »

When we write these posts, we sit down, talk together, then write separately. This offers you the same subject from two different perspectives with a certain amount of overlap. PHIL: We usually pick what to write about by looking at … How to Find Joy, Peace and Inner Strength Through Your Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: It was recently our 20th anniversary of meeting (and a joyous celebration it was!), and Phil and I were talking about the components of our relationship and other deep relationships with friends and family. The flavor of those peaceful … Why Peaceful Relationships Depend on What You Do and Don't Do Read More »

MAUDE: Recently, Phil and I and another friend attended a gathering to listen to our government representatives talk about the current situation. It was held a few blocks from where we live, here in Santa Barbara, CA. As we walked … Why It's Important to Relate to Community as Well as Individuals Read More »

MAUDE: Phil shared a thought last night: “Why get cross with anyone? You will only have to fix it later. It's like knocking over a vase of flowers because you don't like the arrangement. You'll just have to mop up … Embracing Acceptance: How to Let Go of Annoyances in Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: In these challenging and turbulent times, it is important to fill your moments with presence; to be calmly, lovingly present. One of the best ways to do that is through your relationships. Stay connected; put extra attention and effort … Rely on Relationships to Stay Sane in an Insane World Read More »

PHIL: We were talking about the role of acknowledgment in relationships. At basis, it's a recognition that the other person exists. You are saying “I see you”, which is incredibly affirming. It's more than saying “Oh, there you are”; it's … Why Acknowledgment is Like a Magic Charm for Relationships Read More »

Here's a conversation we had that illustrates how you can connect without a negative charge on a topic that could be loaded. PHIL: I think this might be the perfect time to talk about something that happened a few days … How to Let Conflicts Go Until You Can Talk Without Charge Read More »

MAUDE: Last week, Phil had a big birthday. I had been thinking of how to celebrate him for many months, and had made numerous suggestions to him for grandiose celebrations, parties and trips. He never responded with the least enthusiasm … Pay Attention – It's How to Best Support Each Other Read More »

PHIL: It may seem obvious; of course you talk to your partner. But lots of conversations are about the shopping or politics or how bad the traffic was, while there can be a whole interior monologue going on that never … Just Talk to Each Other – It's That Simple Read More »

PHIL: I had an imaginary conversation in my head: “Tell the truth; it's so much easier than lying.” “But people would say mean, nasty, hurtful things!” “Oh, just tell the truth, but not in a mean, nasty, hurtful way. Instead, … The Importance of Sharing Your Truth in Relationships Read More »

PHIL: We have a peaceful relationship. We don't quarrel, attack each other or act passive-aggressively. Magic, huh? We do this through trust, acceptance and choosing to live peacefully. Our values are aligned so we can always find a point of … Let's Create Peace in the World, One Relationship at a Time Read More »

PHIL: A few days ago, I had the sense that I wasn't giving you enough attention; that I was wrapped up in myself and my thoughts and resented being disturbed and intruded on. I thought that that's not a very … A True Connection Between People Brings Peace and Joy Read More »

When you practice fairness in your relationships, it is transforming. It is a quiet yet powerful type of assurance that acknowledges without words that you are always on the same side, wishing the best for each other, and knowing that it is mutual.Read more ›

MAUDE: We wrote a post last week about dealing with strong negative or difficult reactions to the decisions, actions and behaviors of others, most particularly those with whom you have deep relationships. We suggested turning inside and looking at your … How to Avoid Reacting With Blame and Anger in Your Relationships Read More »

This week several things happened that illustrate an important aspect of experiencing peace within relationships. MAUDE: My older son and his wife just purchased a condo in Mammoth. They decided to celebrate that with the family and invited us all … How to Replace Blame With Honesty in Your Relationships Read More »

Hi, Phil and Maude here. We had a conversation the other evening about a different way to respond to the variance between each of us. We like, recorded it on a phone and, um, kind of cleaned it up a … A New Way to Look at Differences in Relationships Read More »

MAUDE: One of the many things that happened this week was a visit from a very dear friend, who stayed with us for over a week. This visit was profound, yet simple and easy at the same time. It gave … How It's Possible to Practice Acceptance in Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: We had a couple of heart-to-heart conversations this week; one about desires on my part, and one about the desires of Maude. I don't want to describe them because they both involved other people, and the point of mentioning … How to Remove Tension and Find Peace in Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: I want to jam on the idea that all people are different. No one is exactly like anyone else. So in your relationships, especially the close ones, you're going to run into differences. They're inevitable. The fact that the … How to Embrace Differences, Not Trip Over Them Read More »

MAUDE: In our post last week, we wrote about the struggles we have all been going through in the tense situation before this country's election, the raging wars in the world, climate change, and the overall uncertainty and anxiety caused … It's Important to Know You Can Choose Peaceful Relationships Read More »

We share an inner peace that is beyond any of the effects of the changing world we live in. This path of peace never wavers and serves to strengthen our individual struggles. Find and create a Sacred Space for yourself.Read more ›

Speaking directly doesn't happen naturally because we all create a persona for the outside world. It's easy to take that feeling into a relationship, but here's why that is a bad idea: it's a limitation on feeling our full self; we cannot sit comfortably at the center of our being.Read more ›

Today is our wedding anniversary and it brought us to reflect on what we have learned about the potentials of all relationships from the experience of ours. Here are our musings on just that for our blog this week.Read more ›

Yesterday was The International Day of Peace. It's a great time to think of what you are doing within your own life to make peace a living reality. Here's an example of one of our favorite projects: I Declare World … Peace in a Relationship—How Can it Change the World? Read More »

One of the steps to a peaceful relationship is honesty. When you share honestly with another, you set aside fears and defenses. You can share a bit and when you are accepted and respected, when you feel seen and heard, you dare to open a bit more. Read more ›

One of the signs of a peaceful relationship is when the element of service to the other person is a core value for that relationship. Learning what this is takes paying attention to the other person, and being open to listen and hear what they might need or want for support. Read more ›

Every relationship feels entirely different when you are truly present in it. This difference can be recognized by both parties, whether consciously or unconsciously. When you have the experience of each person being present, many of the fears that people bring to relationships dissolve.Read more ›

The most important element to creating and maintaining peaceful relationships is that both people share peace as a central Core Value. This is not having thoughts of peace in some theoretical sense; it is experiencing peace as a visceral reality.Read more ›

Most relationships will blossom when they have acceptance, appreciation and acknowledgment as an underpinning. In any relationship, it is important to be accepted for who we are, to be appreciated for who we are, and to be acknowledged for who we are.Read more ›

The extent to which you have a feeling of support in your relationships will determine your sense of calm, serenity and peace. It consists of both giving and receiving. There is joy in this sense of mutual support.Read more ›

All too often, people become so used to the contact and connection in their relationships that they start to take them for granted. You stop really noticing the experience of that connection; how it makes you feel, why you treasure it, why it's so important.Read more ›

Watch for the dangers we all face every day of succumbing to doubt, loss of hope, or just plain tiredness. Turn to your relationships. Listen to the quiet and strength of hope you can find within yourself and each other.Read more ›

Speaking your position that has two benefits. The fact of putting it into words makes it much clearer, and the more specific the words are the clearer you can be. And having spoken it, you can start to move past it.Read more ›

Peaceful relationships can come down to whether or not you speak with respect, love and kindness in your tone of voice and basic attitude, as this kind of communication creates an environment of calm, openness and comfort.Read more ›

You know the feeling of being at odds with another person? Don't go there in the first place, and if you're in there, get out. Don't just look at what the other person is doing; look at what you are doing, too. Focus on finding a resolution that works for both of you. Read more ›

We have a direct experience of a peaceful relationship, we've had it since our early days, and it has remained completely consistent. It is so different from our previous relationships that we feel compelled to write about it. Our message is that it exists, therefore it is possible.Read more ›

Trust comes from openness and sharing, being interested in who the other person is, interacting without being defensive, wishing the best possible outcome for each other, and coming from love, not fear.Read more ›

When you are in a conflict, stop, center yourself, breathe, and ask yourself what is important here. This pulls you into the present and gives you the opportunity to stop being reactive, and instead, choose a better way to respond.Read more ›

It is a common belief that conflicts are inevitable even in the most loving of relationships, but when the underlying needs are examined, it is nearly always possible to find a mutual solution.Read more ›

The sense of loving connection between two people is the heart of every relationship. It is important to take the time to feel and recognize the connection, and to develop the sense of what makes each one precious and unique in its own way. Read more ›

Why aren't people totally honest with each other? Maybe they think it will cause strife in the relationship. But strife isn't the only reason for not being honest; shame is, too. There is something you are uncomfortable sharing, but you need to regard honesty as more important than shame.Read more ›

When you are in the present with another person, it is a palpable experience. You can strongly feel when someone is actually there with you, just as you can feel when they are not. Share your inner life with the other person for the best possible relationship.Read more ›