ReThinking Caregiving

It's been almost two years since I started this podcast. I would like to thank you for taking us with you in your car, while you do the dishes, on your walks. I feel humbled that my knowledge helps you out there, even though we have never met. I am taking an indefinite break from doing this podcast.Thank you once again. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

As the new year starts, you are probably going through the caregiver experience once again. You know it is tough, but you can do it.  You were built for this. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

Being diagnosed with life threatening cancer can be one of the most challenging situations one can go through. As a caregiver, you don't have it easy either, walking beside your spouse as they go through this life altering experience, observing how your own mind brings up all the unprocessed stuff that you probably were not aware of until this time, can be nerve wrecking.It is so easy to be grateful when things are going the way we want them to.. but studies show that gratitude helps us become resilient, gives us hope, in times of adversity.In this episode I share a few stories of some caregivers and patients that found good things happened to them as a result of the cancer diagnosis. I hope you learn something. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

I have done this, and you probably heard other people who have done the same.  When we meet people who are going through a difficult time, we are quick to say comforting words to them, in an attempt to make them feel better.But what is the real reason behind this? Why do we want other people to feel better? What is wrong with experiencing the other side of life?In this week's episode, I talk about why we are so preoccupied with making other people feel better. Take a listen.Resources:Get our FREE guide on how to improve your own wellbeing so you are in a better position to help your spouse. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

You have probably been encouraged to be positive as your loved one is going through cancer treatments. Nothing wrong with that all... However, I spoke to a caregiver who said that all this feeling positive all the time, was making her feel like she about to explode. In today's episode, I talk about how to be positive, as well as the importance of creating space and learning from negative emotion. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to care for your well being, so you care for your loved one. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

‘Many' caregivers say that they experience a lot of shame from different situations. Or maybe you said something or you behaved in a way that you didn't like. Or maybe you think you should have done something differently. Feeling like you are not enough, because you have a certain image of how you want things to be.Shame can be such a debilitating emotion when we let it run our lives. In this episode, I walk you through how you can identify the causes of shame, how to process shame, and what you can do the next time you feel ashamed!Resources:Get our FREE guide on how to take care of your own well-being so you can help care for your loved one. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

The Holiday Season is here, for some caregivers, they constantly wonder whether it maybe the last one with their loved ones.  In this episode, I talk about how to approach the holiday season even when this maybe your loved one's.It is not the holiday season that is causing you to dread the holiday season, it is what you think about the holiday season. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your well being. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

As human beings, we do what we do so we can feel good. But many of us were brought up to believe that it is the other peoples responsibility to make us feel good or worse etc..The problem with that way of thinking is that we can't control the actions of other people.  Manipulation, threats and ultimatums work for shorter periods of time. In this episode, I talk about why it is important to take responsbility of our own thoughts and actions because only you, knows what you want or how you want to feel. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

You know that you want to create a deeper connection with your loved one. But you are not sure why instead, the distance between you is growing. Many times we live unconsciously, creating results in our lives that at the end of the day we don't want. Our brain is the command centre,  of everything in our lives. When don't know how to direct the brain to where we want to go, we will always ask our selves why we get the results we get in our lives. In this episode, talk more about how our thoughts about circumstances in our lives create emotions within us, and how those emotions fuel the actions we take or lack there of. I hope you find some nuggets in this episode. Support the showFollow Us on Instagram & Facebook

Sometimes when we are caring for our loved one, it is easier to forget the patient's interests. We don't even consult them about what they need, we think we know what is best for them. We don't want to face the reality that is our loved ones are dying, the treatments aren't working etc.. because we don't want to feel the emotions associated with that.When we embrace a crisis, we see the options available to us; many people describe this stage as peaceful, because there is no fighting reality. Who do you want to be? The person who opens up to a crisis and becomes stronger? Or the person who pushes their head in the sand hoping for things to go away?As human beings, we are incredibly resilient. A lot of people have gone through indescribable tragedies, and they are still here today.Resources:Get our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your wellbeing so you can be able to care for your loved one. Support the show

What other people say to us are outside of our control. But our thoughts about what they said create emotions in us, then those emotions drive the actions we take. What your loved one said doesn't affect you , until you have a thought(s) about it.In this week's episode, I talk about how what happens outside of us, is neutral until we have thoughts about it. Take a listen. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to care for yourself first, so that you are in a bettter position to help your spouse and children. Support the show

Our thoughts cause our feelings, then our feelings fuel our actions - In this case the action is - eating.There is an emotion that precedes the action of eating; there is a thought or story that precedes that emotion. What would you be doing if you were not eating? You could feel all the feelings that come up. Feelings are just that - feelings. Though they may be uncomfortable, they don't kill us. When we allow them to be there, instead of resisting, they will go away and then come back.Support the show

We have been conditioned to think that we can solve for our children's emotional wellbeing. The truth of the matter is that we cannot. Dr. Wayne Dyer said that our children come through us - because that is how procreation works. But they are not for us. Contrary to what we have been told, we don't own our children. Just like us, our children have good and bad days. Because life is 50% good and 50% bad. Because we have both positive and negative emotions. Our children are not problems to be solved. It is not our job to make them happy. Because happiness, just like any other emotion, comes from our thoughts. Children are going through biological and changes in their bodies, their brains aren't yet fully developed to comprehend and understand concepts the way we adults do.We can let our children feel sad, angry, frustrated etc.. because those emotions are a part of being human. All human beings go through those emotions. It is appropriate to be sad, frustrated, angry etc…when your parent is diagnosed with a life threatening cancer. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being first, so you can help care for your loved one. Support the show

One part of our brain's job is to look out for harm and unfamiliar situations. This helped our ancestors live well during those times they lived in caves. This part of the brain protected our ancestors from wild animals, eating poisonous plants and berries etcFortunately, today we don't have the same worries as our ancestors did. We have houses, electricity, we have better hospital facilities, treatments, our chances of being eaten by wild animals are minimal compared to many centuries ago; but our protective brain hasn't evolved.In this episode, I talk about the different ways we can redirect our primitive brain to minimize are reactive-ness to circumstances in our lives. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your wellbeing first, so you can help care for your loved one as they go through cancer treatments. Follow us on Instagram & Facebook Support the show

As a caregiver, there are a lot of things that are unknown.  A lot of things your brain will interpret as scary - sending you down the rabbit hole of fear. The more you try to resist the emotion of fear, by eating, drinking or whatever we human beings do to try to ignore feeling fear, the more your brain will fixate on it.Fear has its benefits. When you are about to be hit by a car then you jump to the curb. When your child is about to fall and catch them. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to get started on taking care of your own wellbeing. Support the show

Not taking care of your own wellbeing.I.e being aware of what you are thinking - not all of it of course. How to become aware of what you are thinking. I.e journalingQuestioning your thoughts, helps you realize what beliefs and expectations you have for yourself and your spouse. Answering your own questions - to avoid overwhelm and confusionEmbracing negative emotion - helps you become brave + teaches you compassion- when we let ourselves experience painful emotions, it deepens our compassion for others who are experiencing painful emotions. ( allowing ourselves to meet bad experiences without resistance and rejection, we get closer to the best versions of ourselves.)How do you embrace negative emotions? There are different ways to do it.Not setting boundaries for themselvesResources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your own wellbeing first, so you help care for your spouse.Support the show

During the caregiving experience, there can be a lot of people coming and going in your life. Many of those people mean well, but we can have certain thoughts about well meaning people, thoughts that may cause overwhelm. In this episode, I talk about the boundaries; how do we set healthy boundaries without manipulating the other person?Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being first, so you help care for your spouse. Support the show

What ever thought you choose to believe, the brain will find evidence to prove it to you. When you think that you wish you had more freedom, your brain will find all that evidence to prove what you are thinking- leading to a belief. When your brain offers you a question of how can I create freedom in my life,  answer that question.  Don't let the question swirl around in your brain.  Unanswered questions cause confusion and overwhelm.  Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being, so you can be in a better position to care for your loved one. Support the show

Your husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. A lot is changing at a fast pace, your family dynamic is changing. Accepting his diagnosis seems so hard right now.  It is so distressing for me as his spouse to see him so scared. People are wondering how I am coping, but to be honest, I am falling apart on the inside.You love your spouse, and want him to be well. He is not doing well. What would you want to feel in order to support them? What thought would you want to lead to that feeling?In this week's episode, I talk about how you can best your spouse during their cancer treatments. Resources:Download our FREE guide on how to take care of your own well being first, to be able to help your spouse. Support the show

We can't make life unfold the way we want it. We get frustrated because of the thoughts we have about how life has unfolded. Should or should not are perception words. They indicate that something, a situation is supposed to be different than what it actually is….You try to get your spouse to feel good, and not be down etc…. But you can't prevent him from feeling negative emotion. It is a part of their life's journey. HOlding space of for the people in our lives when they are experiencing negative emotion; is one of the most difficult things we can learn to do as humans. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your own well being first, so you are in a better position to do the same for your loved one. Follow us on Instagram & FacebookSupport the show

Overwhelm is a cue that you are holding on to unquestioned thought(s). Overwhelm is caused by our negative thoughts about a given circumstance(s). This leads you to question what you are doing as a caregiver, which inturn leads you to stop what you are doing. In today's episode, I talk about how our thoughts cause overwhelm, and what we can do to relieve it. Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your own well being first, so you can help care for your spouse. Support the show

As a caregiver, sometimes you find Caregiving challenging, and you don't want to do it, other times you may not want to do it. But you also think that well… someone has got to do it, it is my responsibility to do, this is what loyal spouses do.  Nobody else is going to do it anyway.  Then you feel guilty or resentful. Take a moment to part yourself on your back, you are just a human being with a human brain. You are doing a tremendous job;however, allow for your humanness maybe you are operating on less sleep, don't we all become agitated when we don't get adequate sleep? How are you physically and mentally? Are you nourishing your body properly?The thing is that when you judge yourself harshly, chances are that you judge harshly the other people in your life. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your emotional wellbeing first, to be in a better position to care for your spouse. Support the show

Part of our brain's job is to protect us from harm. It is always watching out for danger.  When something is deemed dangerous - Cancer is associated with pain, nausea, cancer treatments can take a toll on the body etc … and sometimes death.   A fight or flight response is triggered.  You feel fear, become angry, in an attempt to drive the thing away.Fear is a strong emotion that is most often triggered in the present moment in a response to a known, definite and immediate threat.  When you experience intense fear and anxiety, and you feel frozen, know that it is your primitive brain trying to protect you.In today's episode, I talk about a few techniques you can use to stand back and let fear pass through you, instead of reacting instinctively. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your emotional wellbeing first, so you are in a better position to care for your loved one. Support the show

When our lives are turned upside down, we want to identify as victims or the person responsible for whatever happened. We move towards guilt and shame. And we can still identify ourselves in those roles, we just have to do it with awareness.But this is the hand of cards we just got dealt,Does blaming yourself make the diagnosis go away?We have ideas of how should be…Support the show

Your loved one abandoned medical treatments for alternative healing options. You are frantic, you think that he is being reckless, you pressure them to recommit to medical treatments. How would you be showing up if you let go of the idea that your spouse should commit to the treatments that you think are right for him?In this episode, I talk about how to navigate a situation like the above.ResourceDownload our FREE resource on how to take care of yourself, so you are in a better position to care for your spouse.Support the show

Many caregivers experience overwhelm as a result of the responsibility of caregiving.  In this week's episode, I talk about a simple way to manage overwhelm, by learning to discern between fact, opinion and stories that we add to circumstances. Tune in and listen. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to get care for your well-being so you can help care for your spouse. Support the show

 When you are lying in bed, your body is healing, destroying cancer cells. Even though it doesn't look like you are working. What is more important than fighting cancer in your body? Your body is the no.1 priority. Accepting - This going to be emotionally terrible.  It is not true that we should be happy all the time. Half of the time it will be terrible. I am going to get through this, even though, in spite of, even if….. We want to be happy, but when things don't go like that, we feel disappointed. What if you didn't require this of yourself? Be able to embrace not feeling good. It is okay. Of course, you are feeling this way… this is the way. Use your energy to heal your body.Being mad that reality is the way it is………….doesn't help Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your wellbeing, so you will be in a better position to care for your spouse.Support the show

 The doctor said that given the stage of the cancer, chances are slim that the treatment will help her.  When you feel devastated because you have a thought that you don't want your loved one to be miserable for the time they have left, what are you not doing?You are not being present with your loved one, - which is actually what you want. Looking for information, overthinking, wondering how to make it easier for him, trying to come up with ways to make him happy, all these things take you further away from your loved one. You are not supporting yourself through grace and kindness. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your own well-being in order to be able to help care for your spouse. Support the show

 Your spouse's lashing out has nothing to do with you personally. Let us take a peek in to their brain. The doctor said that the treatments aren't working. Your spouse is scared and fearful of dying, living you and the children. Maybe you had goals as a family, he is now realizing that he will miss out on achieving those goals. That is why they are angry. The thoughts that you have about his anger are causing you pain. Not his behavior. You are making this behavior mean something about you. You think that he should behave a certain way, and not say certain things, it is your expectations that are causing you frustration.  Think about it, what do you do when you think he shouldn't be lashing out? You probably don't want to be around them, which takes you away from what you actually want - making an intimate connection with your spouse, especially now that things seem to be deeming. Could you feel compassion for him and say, of course he is scared and fearful? Anytime we come from a fearful space, we come across as angry. When some people are facing their mortality, they get angry.  Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your well-being, so you can be in a better position to care for your loved one. Support the show

Worry itself is harmless; but when we resist and fight worry, we get stuck. Think about this for a moment;  how do you show up when you are worried?  Does the way you show up serve you in your role as a caregiver and interaction with your spouse? Where does worry come from? It comes from our thoughts, that we believe and attach ourselves to. How can you politely acknowledge worry without attaching to the story (thoughts)?When you feel worried, can you look at it with curiosity?  Can you  let yourself feel worried?  What if worry can be there, and you can keep doing what you have planned. When your brain is focusing on worrying, how would you like to direct your thinking instead of worrying? Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for yourself, so you are in a better position to care for your loved one.  Support the show

Many of us are experts in self-criticism, beating ourselves down.  Guilt is our default emotion when we experience humanity, aka …making mistakes.Self compassion is about extending feelings of kindness & understanding to ourselves when we face failure, hardships and uncertainty. Has an element of wanting the best for yourself.We can be compassionate with ourselves even when we recognize that we have some not good serving thoughts."I.e I am aware that I am thinking that I should have figured this out already, and that is okay “I have figured out other situations before, and I know that I will get through it!”We feel the effect of the emotion of compassion, we allow humanness. Going through tragedies is a human thing. We embrace that.  Being kind to yourself as you face the unpredictable and uncontrollable path of a loved one going through cancer treatments. Ask yourself, what do I need? How can I support myself in this challenging situation?With self compassion, you observe what is going on, then restart, so you have a base on which you can take helpful action. I.e I feel fearful and that is okay. I am afraid because of how I think my spouse's cancer diagnosis will affect him and impact the children.Fear is an emotion, I can embrace fear and still take action. Trying to control the trajectory of the disease is mentally exhausting because it is outside your control circle.  Because you are human, sometimes you feel annoyed by things that are outside your control.  Ask yourself whether getting annoyed will give you the outcome you want, it will quickly bring you back to compassion. The more you practice non judgement of yourself, for how you think or feel, the more you will become nonjudgmental towards other people. I like to think of other people as a different perspective of myself. Because you recognize they are all human, trying to do their best.Non - judgement starts within us. You understand that others have gone through what you are going through and are facing similar challenges.Put an end to your debilitating, destructive habit of self negative talk, and create a warm, loving, caring space for yourself. Nothing good comes from self judgement and unkindness.Download our FREE GUIDE on how to improve your well-being first, so you can help your spouse.  Support the show

  Rage is a secondary emotion, arising from say feeling hurt, betrayed, used etc… There is a thought or thoughts or belief that you have that are causing you to feel hurt, or betrayed. In this episode, I talk about the possible causes of rage and how to process and embrace it, so you don't become paralyzed by it.  Rage just doesn't happen, it comes from thoughts, sometimes the thought or thoughts maybe a little hard to spot, flying under the radar but believe me they are.  What is the story that you are telling yourself that is causing this emotion sadness, grief etc?That this shouldn't be happening to you? Life isn't fair?That this is your time to live life? Now you feel betrayed?I want our old lives back, I should be living like i did before my spouse's diagnosis.  Thoughts like these cause anger, sad & resentmentWhat is the truth of why you are angry?  Is it because my spouse is sick, and I am terrified of losing him?  Is it because I am terrified of the reduction of our family finances changing since my spouse isn't working full anytime now? And the bills keep coming? Be honest with yourself.Are you scared of raising teenagers alone? Are you worried about the impact your spouse's illness might have on your children? Give yourself space to acknowledge that disappointment. I am feeling angry because I am thinking that life should make sense.When you allow yourself to feel, it doesn't stay very long. But when you resist feeling or postpone, it hinders us from going on. Be willing to open up instead of resisting and closing. If we resist the pain, we make it so much worse. Accepting pain, feeling sad, helps us process whatever is going on better.Name the emotion, hand on heart, stomach, Breath through it. Nothing has gone here, even though I am feeling this way.  I am  angry and scared that my spouse is going through cancer treatments, I am terrified he may not make it. This is a part of being human. I am letting it go through my body.  The emotion will rise and rise again, keep breathing and describing what is going on in your body. This could go on for months, I can handle this today, I don't know about tomorrow……. I will take it from there. Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your well-being, so you help care for your loved one as they go through cancer treatments. Support the show

 We try to escape being human i.e. going through negative emotions that is how people get addicted using drugs, food, alcohol. We can just learn how to feel our negative emotions, and become emotionally strong.  Not only that, but we sometimes feel terrible, unhappy etc.In today's episode, I talk about how the emotions of grief, loss, sadness will appear again and again, because emotions are a part of our being, we acknowledge them again and again, with compassion, supporting ourselves through it all, - you take your hand and place it where it hurts, or where you feel a knot or over your heart if it's racing. Nothing has gone wrong,  I am upset my loved is going through cancer treatments, or he is dying, or I am scared for our future...  Be present with whatever comes up, you will feel the grip loosen.  It can be useful to think that whatever you are going through, someone else out there has gone through it, and many people are going through it!We are conditioned to think that we should be happy all the time. But we don't want to feel happy when something sad has happened.  How can we be sad and…It is not true that we should be happy all the time. Half of the time it will be terrible. I am going to get through this, even though, in spite of, even if….. We want to be happy, but when things don't go like that, we feel disappointed. Be able to embrace not feeling good. It is okay. Of course, you are feeling this way… this is the way. Use your energy to be support yourself now that you have taken over your loved one's responsibilities at home. Things are changing at home, and I am figuring out how to accept that!Download our FREE GUIDE on how to get started as a caregiver. Support the show

  Can you get curious to see what may be going on for your loved one? Are they scared? They are human as well, trying their best way they know how to navigate this beautiful path called life. You may not agree with the way they do things, but are you willing to be wrong about that? Can you bring yourself to look things from their point of view? Doesn't mean you have to agree with them, but can you hold space and grace for them? Can you find some compassion in your heart for him/her? Download our FREE GUIDE on how to improve your wellbeing as a caregiver, so you can be in a better position to care for your spouse. Support the show

Someone reached out to me and asked me what I mean when I say that we can use our emotions and thoughts (beliefs) as information to learn more about our selves. Life is unfair is one of the most used beliefs among people going through cancer treatments. I choose to think that life is neutral, it follows no one's schedule etc..  But as human beings, we have expectations, plans etc.. When life happens - as it has always done, and our expectations aren't fulfilled, then we get annoyed about life being unfair. But it is our beliefs about the beautiful thing called life that cause us pain. In this week's episode, I explore a few beliefs that cause us pain. Beliefs are thoughts that we have been thinking over and over, they become automatic for us. Download our FREE GUIDE on how to get started as a caregiver. Support the show

 First, you are just human, we are just going to observe frustration and anger, and see what comes up for you.What comes up for you can be an insight  into what beliefs you have, and what are you making things mean? I could have done more to slow down the process, but how would you have done that? Is there an upside to that thought? We have no influence over the trajectory of the disease. We only think that we do, but we have no control over what may or may not happen.We are all walking this beautiful path called life, sometimes we stumble, other times we fall, certain times we get knocked over, it may take a moment before we get up, we dust off and continue walking. Things are always in transition, day to night, spring, summer, autumn and winter, childbirth, death, from infantry to toddler, to preteen, teenage, adulthood, etc…nothing is constant.  The only thing that is constant is change.  Download our FREE GUIDE to help you to get started on your caregiving experience.  Support the show

The caregiving experience is one that can a roller coaster of emotions, from anger, sadness, fear, joy, laughter, calmness, to frustrated etc..Despite what we are conditioned to believe,  emotions are a huge part of our being;  we can't get rid of them. But we can use them as information to understand what is going on within us, what belief systems do we have etc..In this episode, we take a look at how we can use anger to find out more about what is going on for us, how we can find peace within us, when we embrace our anger. I know it sounds...out there, but it works.Remember to get yourself a copy of our FREE GUIDE to help you as you go along your caregiving experience. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

I had the opportunity of helping my mom back on her feet after going through major surgery. My experience this time was far better than the first time, because I have the skill set of watching in fascination and compassion as my brain was freaking out and offering me all sorts of scenarios. I hope you learn something from my experience. Download our FREE guide on how to get started as a spousal caregiver. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

When we don't improve our own well-being, we end up getting in other people's business, creating emotional pain for ourselves. This results into distance between the people that we care for. In today's episode, I talk about simple ways to care for our own well being, so we can create the connections we want with our people. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for your self, so you can be a caregiver to your spouse. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 Be compassionate with yourself, even when you have a moment. Embrace and drop in your body, where do you feel tense? Does it feel like a knot in your stomach, or is your head spinning?   Emotions are the language of the body, while thoughts are the vocabulary of the brain. Embrace whatever emotion that you feel is moving around your body. Support yourself, nothing has gone wrong, I am scared, I am angry, because my loved one is going through cancer treatments. I am a human being, I am going through a human experience. When you treat yourself with kindness and compassion, it is easier for you to treat other people in your life the same way.  You will realize that other people are having their own human experience the same way you are. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for yourself, so you can be a caregiver to your spouse.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 Families and patients need various types of support, and education, as they ponder what happens at different stages of end of life.What options they have; what about physical and emotional needs, have someone actively listening to them etc…In today's episode, Grief Coach, Death Doula and Dietitian Kathleen Putnam talks to us about how to bring dignity in a way that aligns with the dying person's values and wishes. Everything from how to help with making difficult decisions when someone is grieving. Resources:Kathleen Putnam's Website |  Death Cafe Monthly |  Challenging Conversations - join us! | Website Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

The cancer diagnosis isn't going away? How can we be present with our loved ones despite the presence of the diagnosis? How can we bring awareness? Many times, fear can grip in, and prevent us from making meaningful connections during difficult times.  Being there for them, let them voice out their fears without interfering, lecturing and trying to rectify things. Letting things unfold without trying to change the reality. To be honest, we can't change the reality, we only think we can.. We let reality be exactly that… Creating room, acknowledging and extending compassion to our selves, by allowing whatever it is we feel to be there, but choose other actions. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your well-being, so you can take care for your spouse.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 My guess is, you don't want to feel the way you do, but you don't know how and what to do. You are only human, and caregiving is a humongous task to take on, for anyone…When events happen in our lives, our brains offer us different thoughts about those circumstances. It is up to us to choose which thoughts we believe  and which ones we don't believe. Those thoughts that we choose either cause us emotional pain or freedom and empowerment. Take a moment, how do you feel when you believe a thought like your needs don't matter? My guess is when you don't show up as the best caregiver or spouse you want to be.  It can be a good skill to question your brain about certain thoughts. Yes brain, I think that at this point, my emotional needs don't matter, but from what we know, each of us is responsible for our own emotions. So if my needs don't matter, it is because I am not taking care of my own needs. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how take care of  your own well-being, so you can take care of your spouse.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 Self compassion, you are just a human being. You make mistakes, just as other people make mistakes, forgiving yourself first, will humanize the other people in your life for you.  Not having the desire to care for someone you find abusive is you being human. In all honesty, caring about someone is not for the weak.We can't change other people, and comparison is the thief of joy.  We get emotional pain when we compare people in our families to other  people.  We are all different, and unique in our own way.  We can choose to embrace other people in our lives for whom they are, instead of trying to turn them into what we want them to be.  We miss out on the person in front of us.Our brains are very powerful organs. Whatever we decide to believe, our brains will produce evidence for that. If we only see the negative in people, the brain will produce plenty of evidence for that. This doesn't mean to become door mats for other people, we can set firm boundaries to protect ourselves and the other party. You can look at the situation, then make a conscious decision. Making conscious  decisions is about responding to situations or people instead of reacting. This is a better for your own wellbeing. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on  how to care for your own well-being, so you can care for your spouse. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 Your loved one is withdrawn, they won't respond to your communication. This is coming out of the blue, since you two had a solid relationship prior to the diagnosis. You feel devastated and hopeless because you are probably thinking that he shouldn't be doing this. He should be opening up to you, because you want to be there for him/her during this challenging time. You can see that when you believe the that he should not be excluding me, there is an uneasy feeling, devastation discomfort, fear or panic. All these emotions take you further away from connecting with your loved one. We all have different ways of navigating challenging situations, maybe this is his way of doing that. Who says it is wrong? Perhaps he is figuring it out, he is coming to terms with the news of the diagnosis. Of course, he is withdrawn, his life was turned upside down in a blink of an eye. You could be hopeful that he will open the lines of communication when he is ready. Be compassionate with yourself, you are a human being, your life was turned upside down as well. Be compassionate for yourself, you are going through a tough time right now. You are just human, you want the best for your loved one. Even though the lines may get blurred sometimes. Especially for us who are control enthusiasts. Meet him where he is at, instead of trying to bring him where you are. Not the way you want him to figure it out. Let him handle things his way, not the way you want him to do it. It is okay to be uncomfortable when the people we care about aren't doing well or when they aren't doing things the way we want them to.We can learn to make ourselves feel good, instead of relying on circumstances outside our control to make us feel good. I.e. Coercing your loved one to open up, is meant to make you feel better about your self, by trying to manipulate the situation. We can learn to be uncomfortable, when the people we care about aren't doing things the way we would otherwise want them to.  What is the worst that can happen? It is just a feeling. Anger, anxious, sadness, frustration etc… it is a sad time. Feeling devastated is normal. It is okay, nothing has gone wrong. It is okay to be devastated.  When we judge a situation, we add layers of stress to the situation. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for yourself first, so you can help care for your spouse. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 Accepting doesn't mean we can't respond or take action. In the case of a cancer diagnosis, while we can't reverse the diagnosis, or we don't have influence over the trajectory of the disease, we do have control over our own response. In my humble opinion, it is accepting what is right there in that moment, not wishing how it should have been at that moment. Then again, responding from that stance. Accepting can mean acknowledging reality and then saying that this is not right for me, I choose to do something differently - instead of wishing the reality was different.  Resources:Download this FREE GUIDE to guide you on how you can care for yourself, so you can be a caregiver for your spouse. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 As you go about helping your spouse go through cancer treatments, some days are a real struggle. You can be anxious over the smallest things, trying to keep up with all the items on the to-do list. You are putting your own emotional and physical needs aside. It is common to feel anxious, fear and constant worry in your daily life. In today's episode, board certified Family Physician, Dr. Lisa Yeung, discusses with us how to recognize the warning signs of stress and anxiety. And why it is important to nip them in the bud. Resources:  Free Yourself from Stress & Anxiety Guide:  FreeGuide.LisaYeungMD.com  | Instagram | Facebookgroup Download this FREE GUIDE on how to care for yourself, so you can be a caregiver to your spouse.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 At some point, as you help nurse your spouse back to health, you may find yourself coming with unsolicited advice about what your loved should or should not do. Maybe they aren't eating enough “healthy” food, or not  taking the precautions that you think they should be taking. You think they should stay home and not be going out to meet people etc. Because you are scared for them due to their low immunity. We can be scared and fearful on behalf of our loved ones, but we can choose to act differently, not from fear. Because taking action from fear, leads to micromanaging other people. To be honest, no one likes to be micromanaged, not even small children. We work through our own fears and insecurities, first, then we can be there for others. Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to take care of your self first, so you can a caregiver to your spouse.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

You are your spouse's primary caregiver, You handle all the doctor's appointments, medication, and most of the day-to-day care. Not only that, but you wake up early and go to bed late every day.You watch your children and friends live their lives without a care in the world; while you are “stuck” at home caring for your spouse. Your older children are rarely around to help; even though they're maybe living a few minutes away. They don't help with his care at all, even though you ask politely.Sometimes you feel resentment because you are the one caring for your spouse.You feel like such an awful spouse for feeling resentment towards your spouse, and children.Resentment is an emotion that is brought about by thoughts. In this case, your siblings, children or family members aren't helping you with your loved one's care.  When we complain about other people's likes and dislikes, and we get emotional pain, then we project that on to them as though those complain were their own. Then we attempt to change their mind. We are in a really limited place to teach.  Resources:Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for yourself, so you can be a caregiver for your spouse.  Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 Studies show that our emotions are caused by our thoughts. This is why two people can be in the same situation, but may feel different emotions because they have different thoughts about the same situation. “If we focus on what's ugly, we attract more ugliness into our thoughts, and then into our emotions, and ultimately into our lives”. Dr. Wayne Dyer Frustration is an emotion that is brought on by a thought or thoughts that you have. In this case it may be it is hard to overcome the harsh comments and brush them off.  We can't change the event - “spouse's anger outbursts” but we can change the way we feel about his out bursts. You can approach the situation with curiosity instead of judgement.Don't people get angry when things aren't going the way they want them to go?Your spouse is going through life changing cancer treatments, he is probably scared of the long time side effects, or not having control over the trajectory of the disease. Maybe he is scared of not making - we don't know. Thoughts come floating in our brains like snow or rain falling. We can observe them, they are harmless, until we make them something. Is it unusual for people going through cancer to get angry?I think that he can be as angry as he wants, as long as you don't make his outbursts mean anything about you or him.  It is just an observation, no judgement, or story attached.  Be gentle and understanding with yourself, accepting and forgiving yourself for all your flaws. You are easy on yourself for you having limitations. Resources: Get yourself this FREE guide on how to be a caregiver for yourself, so you can be a caregiver to your spouse. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )

 We think that we have control over circumstances or events that happen outside us, but if the last two years have taught us anything, it is that we don't have control over events outside us. When stuff happens, we blame our selves for not being able to prevent those things from happening, but in actual sense, it is just life unfolding the way life does and has done for as long as we know. When we are struggling with accepting that circumstances have changed and there is nothing we can do, Sometimes it feels better getting mad at the doctor other than feeling vulnerable and powerless. But there is power in feeling powerless, we see all the options in front of us, when we accept what is. Download our FREE GUIDE on how to be a caregiver for yourself, so you can be a CAREGIVER for your spouse. Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ReThinking )