Creating Real Marriages that Last with Dr. Mike Glenn

Living Intentionally as Family

Join Mike Glenn and Paul Wilkerson as we discuss the implications of the passover meal.

In effort to demonstrate God’s sovereign rule and the hardness of Pharaoh’s heart, God allows nine plagues.

Mike Glenn speaks with Creative Director, Darrel Girardier and Lockeland Springs Campus & Teaching Pastor, David Hannah, about Exodus 5.

Today on Creating Real Marriage that Last, Darrel and I discuss memorizing Scripture. Most of the time when a Scripture has become significant to us, it’s become significant in a moment of time. Then, when you see that passage again, you remember that moment. You remember God’s faithfulness. Scripture is everywhere—our phones, computers, bookshelves—but the one place we don’t have it is in our own lives, in our own minds. We talk about the importance of Scripture in our lives, specifically in our marriages and families.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last with Dr. Mike Glenn, we discuss what Mike's granddaughter is teaching him about evangelism. Evangelism is the natural overflow of the Spirit’s work within us. The closer you get to Christ, the more people you’ll reach.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Darrel and I discuss an alternative theory on the “Dones.” Nones are those who will say they have no faith affiliation at all. Dones have faith in Christ, but they are not involved in local church body. One of the things the church has failed to do is call people to this grand adventure of faith. Our people do wonderful things in corporate America, in their workplaces. They’re creative, energetic, brilliant people. They come to church and we ask them to sit. The church has a unique opportunity to call these people to more, to be involved, and to do significant things for the kingdom.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last we discuss the topic of technology and distraction specifically as it relates to the church. Andrew Sullivan recently wrote an article called “I Used to Be a Human Being” for New York Magazine, and it’s sparked interesting conversations for many. He talks about how the church should become a place of rest and quiet from the noise of the world. It should be a place with less distraction, not more. We’re trying to reach people in an overstimulated world. The last thing people need is to walk into a church with more overstimulation. They become numb after a while. Surveys have told us that the favorite part of our worship services is the prayer and alter time. It’s incredibly important to people in our church because no one gives them permission to just sit quietly for a few minutes during the week. Worship is best when the people come in to celebrate what God has done and look forward to what God will do, and it’s our job to create an environment for that to happen.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, I talk about how I miss my mom. I have coffee with her five or six times a week, but it’s not the same as it used to be. It’s been almost two years since we moved mom up here after her diagnosis with Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia. People ask me how my mom is doing and my standard answer is, “She’s better because she’s worse.” She’s more content and at ease in her surroundings now because she has very little recollection of Huntsville. What hurts me is that a lot of you didn’t know my mom. My mom was the strongest woman I’ve ever seen in my life. So to see her not know what to do or not remember, that breaks my heart. It’s a very emotionally fatiguing journey. But, if you love your mom, you’re not going to give her what she wants because that will hurt her or someone else. She's trusting me to be strong.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I discuss vision statements and how to move them from simply being a big idea to a practical guide. Companies and individuals often develop vision statements to help drive the direction they’re going. But, vision isn’t all you need. Having a vision statement is only the beginning of the process. It’s the step when you decide on the destination. Once you have a vision statement, you have to break it down into strategies. Once you have strategies, you have to create a tactical plan for executing those strategies. You also have to help people understand how they connect to the vision. If you communicate a big vision statement, but never tell people how they connect with it, they won’t be engaged.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I discuss the ways our digital and social media driven culture affect the church and how we approach reaching people in this new reality. The Tennessean reported in June that 3/4 of their readers were exclusively mobile users. There are also more mobile users in the church. People are going to bring their phones into church services. You can be upset about that, but they’re still going to do it. Since it's the new reality, you need to learn to work with it. You can find ways to give them a couple of Twitter moments in the sermon—sentences or ideas that are 140 characters or less that they can share with their followers. You can continue the conversation after Sunday by writing social media posts or blog posts that engage people online. It’s all about communicating with people where they are.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, we discuss the upcoming election. In this election there is not a clear “Christian” candidate. Neither of the major parties has been intentional about winning the vote of evangelicals. It’s important to remember that we’re not the first group of Christians to be in this situation. The church has always lived in a non-Christian culture, and has often been led by non-Christian leaders. It’s also important to remember there are other political positions being elected also—senators, representatives, city council members, governors. More of us in the local church need to be involved by running for office. Sometimes we don’t have good choices because all the good people choose not to run. We need to get more involved in the political process. Aside from political positions, all of us can do things to make our neighborhoods and communities better. Those are the wins—the things we should all do to make the greater good a little better for people in our own communities.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I talk about my 25th anniversary as Senior Pastor at Brentwood Baptist Church. We talk about some of the leadership lessons I’ve learned over the years, including some of the things I’d tell the version of me that started here 25 years ago. I also share about what excites me most about the years to come.

On today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I discuss the new sermon series on the story of Joseph in the Old Testament. I love this story. It’s the story of how Joseph endures it all, but he doesn’t let his circumstances define his behavior. What Joseph knew, despite all the circumstances around him, was that God had made a promise to Abraham and somehow this promise was going to come true. That’s what helped him keep going.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Darrel and I talk about how leaders should respond to moments of crisis. The first step is to be mindful that bad things are going to happen, and they’ll happen in your neighborhood. While we may not know the specific nature of the crisis, we must accept the reality that it will happen. You don’t have time to become ready when they do; you have to already be prepared. Most of the time that means having already established relationships with key people in the community—the mayor, police and fire departments, and other pastors in the area. Be a part of the “what if” conversations and have a plan ahead of time. We also discuss how to lead staff through crisis moments and the opportunities you have as a church to be there for people who are hurting.

On today’s episode of Creating Real Marriage that Last, Darrel and I talk about how to gain clarity as a leader and determine how to focus your time and effort. When you’re a young leader, you think your job is to make everybody happy. So, you say “yes” to everything, but this ends up hurting you, your family, and even the people you serve. As you get older, you realize you’re not going to live forever. There are literally a handful of things that truly matter. Everything else is a distraction. So, it’s important to spend some time getting to know who God uniquely created you to be. Sometimes the most freeing thing you can say is, “I’m not any good at this.” That allows someone else who has that skill or that gift to step up and serve. It’s about building a team of people who can accomplish the mission together, rather than one person trying to do it all.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I talk about TED talks and how they relate to preaching. TED talks initially began as an opportunity for leaders in technology, entertainment, and design to get across new ideas in 18 minutes. Now there are TED talks in all disciplines. They have redefined the genre of public speaking. There are fascinating implications for effective preaching based on these talks. Most people can’t focus on what you’re saying for longer than 18 minutes, so you have to narrow down the points. A compelling story is transformational. We say a lot and think we’ve communicated a lot, but that’s not the case. You have to be intentional about preparing every sermon.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I talk about the kind of leader I am. I’ve been the pastor of Brentwood Baptist Church for nearly 25 years. The reality is I’ve pastored 4 or 5 different churches, all at the same address. The church I pastor now is very different than the church I came to. I’ve grown with the church as each new phase or transition required a different leadership skill from me. I’ve had the privilege of working with great leaders who have helped me learn and grow. The scary thing for me is the reality is that no church can outrun its pastor. As the pastor, you always have to be out front leading the group, encouraging them to continue on.

On today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, we discuss falling in love again and again. Jeannie and I have been married for over 36 years. When you’re on the journey of marriage for that long, change is part of it. That’s one of the beautiful things about a committed marriage—you see each other grow. On this episode we also discuss what it means to renegotiate marriage over the years, some of the life events that create change in a marriage, and celebrating the moments that made you fall in love all over again.

On today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, we discuss how different Jeannie and I are. Early in our marriage we fought a lot about our differences. I was self-centered and wanted her to be just like me. Everything changed when I began to truly pray for Jeannie. Jesus showed me He had a purpose in creating her exactly the way she is. I began to realize that if I’m fighting how she’s different than me, I’m pushing against how God has created her. So now, the questions I’ve learned to ask are: Who did Jesus create Jeannie to be, and how do I help her be all the Jeannie she can be? My role as her husband is to maximize the investment that Jesus has made in her.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriage that Last, we discuss what happens when Millennials run the workplace. A lot of the millennials are really good at stuff I don’t know anything about. But I’m learning that if I want to continue to be effective, I have to let them teach me. When I’m working with a Millennial, I start from a position of humility. I say something like, “Hey, I noticed you’re really good at this. Can you explain this to me?” When you ask for help, Millennials are really eager to show you what they know. They also want to find out if you’re the real deal. I learned that during my time with Kairos. From authenticity comes the opportunity for ministry.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriage that Last, we discuss why setting aside time for prayer, reflection, and quiet is so important. We all have demands on our time, but no one was more needed than Jesus. Even with all that others required of Him, He made it a habit to disappear for quiet moments of prayer with His Father. The world is not going to give you the time and space to be quiet. You have to be intentional. Look at the rhythms of your life and find what works for you.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, we talk about the importance of not forgetting about the future. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed by the never-ending list of things we have to do right now, that we literally forget there’s a tomorrow. You also have to balance looking ahead at the future with investing in your relationships now—especially with your spouse. We also discuss how to bring up conversations about the future (finances, funerals, etc.) with your spouse.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, we’re talking about the priceless gift of your full attention. If you’re spending time with your spouse or your children, and you’re trying to do something else at the same time, you’re not giving them your full attention. It’s not possible to multitask and do multiple things well at the same time. So, we talk about how to communicate with those you love and give them the gift of your full attention.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, we discuss two great lies we’ve been told by our culture. The first lie is we can be anything we want to be. The reality is that there are things you’re good at and things you’re not, and that’s OK. We all have limits. The second lie is that you can be anything you want to be if you just work for it. That’s not true either. I’m never going to be a talented musician simply by practicing. It’s not my gift. If I were to work really hard at it, I’d just end up feeling drained and disappointed. Your gifts come easily to you, and often it’s someone else who points out those things that you’re really good at.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I talk about giving gifts to your spouse. Guys have trouble with this. A lot of guys feel guilty about spending too much time at work and allowing their priorities to get messed up. So, they buy a really nice gift once a year, thinking it’ll make everything better, but it actually makes things worse. You can’t make up in one gift what you haven’t done all year long. What she really wants is your attention throughout the year.

Today on Creating Real Marriages That Last, we talk about the importance of a healthy view of ourselves. Often we’re so afraid of being prideful that we have gone to the other side and now fail to love ourselves at all. To fail to love ourselves is to discredit the Artist. God introduces Himself in Scripture as an Artist. His crowning creation is humanity. Healthy self-love comes first from the understanding that you bear the Imago Dei—the image of the Creator Himself. We also discuss how parents can help their children develop a healthy view of themselves by filling them with the truth of God’s love for them.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, I discuss some of the reasons I’ve chosen to step down from my role as the leader and teaching pastor of Kairos. I’ve been part of this young adult ministry since it began 11 years ago. However, a few years ago I began to realize it was time to pass the leadership on to another person. Now, Chris Brooks has transitioned into the role, and he’s already doing a great job. In this episode I also share my advice to leaders as they consider the future of their ministries and determine when it’s time to pass the baton to someone else.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo and I are discussing Millennials in the workplace and church. There is a growing weariness among young adults. They’ve seen the disappointment of their parents in their careers, money, and relationships. So now they’re looking for meaning and want to follow their passions to make a difference in the world. As a pastor, I have to learn how to reach this generation in a way that’s different from the generation that came before them. Listen in as we discuss some of my thoughts about Millennials.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, we’re talking about the idea that the first seminary was in the home. Look at the story of Apollos in Scripture. Priscilla and Aquila brought him in and discipled him in their home. This idea is reinforced when we talk about the reality that parents are the first disciplers of their children. I learned to love Scripture from my dad. The gospel music my mom played on the piano became the soundtrack of my life. Discipleship happens best in the ebb and flow of daily life experiences.

On today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo Girardier and I discuss new year’s resolutions. Mine for this year is simply “Less is more.” My big thing is to determine how much can I get rid of and eliminate so that I can make space for the things that really matter. We also talk about the church in the new year, including my biggest concern and what I’m most excited about for the church.

In this episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, Amy-Jo Girardier and I talk about Christmas. We discuss traditions and helpful ideas for celebrating Christmas with your family. Make sure you’re celebrating Christ, not the big celebration culture presents to us. Prioritize a worship experience somehow, whether it’s a Christmas concert, a Christmas Eve service, or something else. Worship is what Christmas is truly all about. Protect worship and time with close family and friends. That's all that matters. These are just a few things you can do to help make this Christmas less stressful and more special.

In this episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last with Dr. Mike Glenn, we discuss prayer. Amy-Jo Girardier and I discuss what Mike's parents taught him about prayer and how to teach your kids to pray. We also discuss how you can incorporate prayer in your family's life.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, we talk about how you can build your spouse's confidence. You should be an expert on who your spouse is and what he or she does well. Notice your spouse’s gifts and encourage him or her in those gifts. When you compliment or praise your spouse, it has to be grounded in reality. Nothing is more damaging than false praise. Point out concrete examples of things your spouse does well. Remind him or her that you will always be there, even if failure occurs in one area of life. That’s how you help build your spouse’s confidence.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, we discuss working with young adults. I’ve had the privilege of leading young adults at Kairos every Tuesday night for over 10 years. Before this ministry began, I had no idea the amount of hurt these young adults are carrying around. I was looking at them thinking they have the whole world, but they’re just trying to breathe. On the Emmaus Road Jesus teaches us to walk alongside people and listen to their stories. That’s what we need to do with these young adults. We need to listen to their stories and walk alongside them, teaching them how to follow Jesus. It’s a privilege to watch them grab hold of who they are and experience total redemption in their lives through Christ.

In this episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, we talk about young adults living who are living with parents. It’s a much more common occurrence than it used to be. When I was growing up, the idea of a young adult moving back in with parents wasn’t even a thought to me. To be fair, there are a lot of different dynamics happening for young adults in today’s world. There’s the incredible burden of college debt, and jobs are difficult to find. Kids are maturing more slowly than in previous generations, and some parents are less mature too. For a young adult to move in with mom and dad isn’t always bad. It’s OK as long as there is a plan for moving forward.

Today’s Creating Real Marriages that Last podcast is an excerpt from a sermon I preached in 2010 about God’s original plan for marriage. These days people study all the keys to having a good marriage, but at times they've missed the forest for the trees. We've become so consumed with the “how” of a good marriage, that we’ve missed the “why” of marriage. So, in this sermon I talk about God’s intention for marriage, based on Genesis 2.

In today's podcast, Mike discusses what it's like to become a new grandparent.

Today on Creating Real Marriages that Last, Darrel and I talk about Millennial parents. Studies tell us that many Millennials are choosing to wait to have children after they are married. This generation knows what was missing in their own lives and now crave stability more than anything. They’re rejecting what they saw in their families. So, they are prioritizing their marriage and children. For the Millennial, there is no sense of permanence in the world. That’s why many of them are choosing to make the home a safe, stable, healthy place. Some are even choosing to work from home so they can enjoy their families even more. They want their work to have meaning, and they also want their marriage to have meaning.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, we discuss “what a real man knows.” I often remind young men that in marriage, women are not looking for a boy to raise. They look for someone who knows who he is and is confident in his own skin. They also look for someone who has a plan for his life and can provide for his family long term.

In this episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, I discuss how to “divorce-proof” your marriage. In our culture, we see people approaching marriage more like a dating relationship. A couple gets married, and then we hear that they broke up. It happens with celebrity all the time and often just seems like the norm. But, realize that just because everyone else acts that way, doesn’t mean we have to. Christian marriage is about making the kingdom of God known in the context of our homes. You have to do all you can to protect your marriage.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, we discuss how to fight fair in marriage. The point of an argument is to solve a problem. So often, a couple gets into the middle of a fight and it becomes about power or ego or something else. But the issue never gets resolved. You always have to keep the focus on the issue at hand. We’ll discuss ways to fight fairly. There are also a lot of terrible ways to fight, and we’ll talk about those too.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, I talk about how it’s natural that couples adjust how they make their lives work together through different seasons of life. Some of this happens weekly as you check in with each other. Sometimes it happens when one spouse sees a need for an adjustment and brings it up. For instance, when my mom moved up here, Jeannie pointed out that I was worn out because I was still living out my normal schedule as if nothing had changed. In reality, everything had changed, so we had to figure out how to make adjustments accordingly. It’s all about having the courage and the confidence to talk with your spouse and work together to solve these challenges.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, I discuss the reality that marriage is never 50/50. A great marriage is always the husband giving 100% and the wife giving 100%. The secret that I’lll tell you is, you always have to come up with 200%. That means sometimes a season in marriage requires one spouse to give 140% because the other spouse can only give 60%. There are different seasons, and it’s all about the ebb and flow of those seasons in a marriage. The danger of assuming marriage is only 50/50 is making marriage more of a contract than a covenant. Often people enter marriage with an attitude that says, “I’ll do my part as long as the other person does their part.” But that’s not what marriage is. Marriage vows basically say, “I want to be here in this marriage come hell or high water.” No matter what. When you go into marriage with that kind of reckless abandon, you’ll experience a joy and adventure greater than you could ever imagine.

On today’s episode of Creating Marriages that Last, I share some thoughts on what your spouse needs to hear from you every day. A wife needs to hear that her husband loves her and why. A husband needs to hear his wife respects him and the reason why. That’s the difference between a husband and wife. Each is created to need and want a different kind of affirmation within the sanctuary of marriage. One thing your spouse never needs to hear is sarcasm. Remember, your marriage is a safe place and your words can wound, even when said in a way that you consider a joke. Choose to be intentional in how you speak to your spouse. Look for ways to lift one another up, instead of tearing each other down.

In today’s episode of “Creating Real Marriages that Last,” I share with my co-host Amy-Jo Girardier about the myth of finding balance between work and life. Unlike eastern philosophy, upon which the idea of “balance” is based, the biblical understanding of life is much more linear. The picture of life as a journey is much more accurate. At different times in our lives, we must make decisions about what is most appropriate to focus our time and energy on based on our priorities at the time. For me, the most important relationship in my life is with Christ, so I protect the time I need to focus on growing in my relationship with Him. If Jeannie or my sons need me when I’m in a meeting or with a group of people, they get my attention first, before anyone or anything else. It’s not that we always say, “No” to the other things in our lives that call for our attention. We just learn to say, “Not now” and instead focus first on those things we consider most important in our lives.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, Darrel and I discuss how to spiritually lead your children. I often say that children “catch” what you say much more often than they listen to what you actually tell them. You can’t teach them to become someone you’re not. You must be the example to your children. My dad taught Sunday School for over 40 years. Week after week, I watched him sit in his chair with his Bible in one hand and Sunday School quarterly in the other as he prepared to teach the lesson. That’s where I learned to love God’s Word. I saw that he was captivated by the Word and that made me want to study it too. You influence your children more than you realize.

In this episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, Darrel and I discuss the reality of having to become a parent to your parents. Recently, I moved my mom closer to where I live. To say I moved her is an understatement; I drug her to Nashville. I don’t think she’s forgiven me yet. She may never forgive me. It's been a challenging transition for the both of us. But I hear often that I’m not the only one going through this.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, I talk about the importance of continuing to “date” your spouse after you’re married. For the husband, this might mean calling your wife up on Monday and asking her out on a date for the weekend, or bringing home flowers for her just because. Doing these things not only strengthens your marriage, but also shows your children how a healthy marriage should be. One of the most important things a father can do for his children is love their mother well.

In today’s episode of Creating Real Marriages that Last, I talk about the role of the church in caring for widows. One of the great things about the gospel is it gives us a new family. And one of the ways we see this is through the “adoption” of widows into families within the church. Many women who have lost their husbands don’t have any other family nearby. What if we invited them to lunch with our families or to come with us to a ball game? These women have a lot of wisdom to teach us, and we can ease some of the loneliness they face. I’ve learned that it takes time to love people well, but it’s always worth it.

This podcast is an excerpt of a sermon I recently preached from Ephesians 5. When we talk about the issue of marriage, let’s confess that we as the church of Jesus Christ have surrendered the biblical understanding of marriage to a romanticized fantasy that is perpetuated by our culture. The first place that biblical marriage has to be restored is in the church. We can’t continue to do cute weddings anymore. We must hold weddings, and encourage marriages that are committed to the lordship of Jesus Christ.