Dying Kindness

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I‘m going to die someday. So will you. Let‘s all do what we can and make key decisions now in order to be kinder to those we‘ll leave behind.

Cianna Stewart


    • Jul 25, 2024 LATEST EPISODE
    • monthly NEW EPISODES
    • 21m AVG DURATION
    • 44 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Dying Kindness

    44: A Book About What Dying is Really Like

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 25, 2024 11:56


    Most of us have never seen a death up close, let alone many. How, then, can we know what to do or say to support someone else who's dying? How can we know what to expect for our own deaths? "With the End in Mind" by Kathryn Mannix is a book of stories drawn from the author's long career in palliative care. Each story gives perspective on a different aspect of the dying process, providing insight and information to help the reader be more prepared. In this episode, I discuss the book and why I think everyone can benefit from reading it.

    43: How to Write an Obituary

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 14, 2024 18:20


    So it's time to write an obituary. Who should do it and how? What needs to be included? What should be left out? Where does it go? What is an obituary for, anyway?

    42: What does "Quality of Life" mean?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 30, 2024 13:29


    The phrase "quality of life" comes up often, particularly when completing an Advance Directive or when dealing with the medical system. But what does it mean? And who gets to define it? 

    41: Hello again. Birthday. Restart. Community.

    Play Episode Listen Later May 16, 2024 8:28


    Hello! After a long while, I am restarting this podcast. Because it's my birthday and that's my present to my self (and to you).

    40: Aging While LGBTQ

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 22, 2023 14:00


    A brief overview of the range of issues faced by LGBTQ seniors towards the end of life.

    39: Sharing Collected Art

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 3, 2023 7:10


    Do you have art that means a lot to you? Will others know why they mattered to you or what they're worth? Here are some quick tips to help other treasure your treasures.

    38: Why I've Been Gone

    Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2023 5:52


    I haven't posted a new episode for a couple of months. I've been grieving the death of my friend, Jen Angel.   Some good articles about Jen: Food, Love, and Revolution: Jen Angel's Legacy by Carwil Bjork-James, Yes! Magazine Jen Angel Wanted to Abolish Police and Prisons. She Wouldn't Want Her Death to Be Used to Incarcerate Anyone. by Brook Anderson, In These Times   and Jen's entry in Wikipedia

    37: Preventing Dementia, Going Alcohol Free

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 31, 2023 30:29


    I want to do what I can to age well, including preventing getting dementia. I'm learning (and sharing) a range of steps to protect my brain. One of the big ones is deciding to reduce my alcohol intake, going alcohol free.   Interviews with Joshua James & Danny Meeks, Ocean Beach Cafe   Referenced: Keep Sharp: Build a Better Brain at Any Age by Sanjay Gupta Huberman Lab podcast episode, "What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain, and Health" "Alcohol and Dementia — What's the Link? a Systematic Review"    

    36: Goals and Plans for 2023

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 6, 2023 13:00


    What you can expect for Dying Kindness in 2023, including ways that the decisions we make decades before retirement impact our ability to age well, and affect others in our immediate circle, beyond those we know, and for generations to come. 

    35: Home for the Holidays? What to Look Out For

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 23, 2022 24:38


    Most people want to die at home, but the ability to stay home depends heavily on how well it's set up to age in place. This holiday season, take advantage of being home to look around and take notes on what might make it hard to age well at home.

    34: Why You Should Write Down Your Recipes

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 8, 2022 14:11


    Do you have a signature dish? Have you written down the recipe? Why you should record how to make foods associated with you so others can make it when you're gone.   Buy "Like Water for Chocolate" by Laura Esquivel at Bookshop.org (affiliate link) DyingKindness.com  

    33: Why You Should Prearrange Your Funeral

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2022 57:46


    Maybe you've told people what you want done with your body when you die. Have you also written down exactly what you want for your funeral? And have you paid for it?  Dean Lambert from the Love Always Project knows firsthand how easy it can be to miss important details when planning a funeral. He shares his 30 years of experience as well as personal stories to encourage everyone to arrange and fund their own funerals in advance.   In this episode: https://www.lovealwaysproject.org/ https://www.dyingkindness.com/ https://www.dyingkindness.com/support/  

    funeral love always project
    32: Holidays for the Dead (replay)

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 27, 2022 15:49


    Samhain. Halloween. All Saints Day. All Souls Day. Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). All of these holidays are about the connection between the living and the dead. And they all present the dead in different ways. Taking a look at these differences can be a fun way to think about where we get our concepts about death and how our loved ones might relate to us after we die.

    31:Trusts vs Wills

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 14, 2022 15:56


    What is a revocable living trust and who needs one? What's the difference between a will and a trust? If you have a will, do you need a trust?    Mentioned: Natural Organic Reduction in California: https://recompose.life/2022/california/ https://www.dyingkindness.com/ Dying Kindness bookstore: https://bookshop.org/lists/dying-kindness  

    30: Eco-Friendly Burial Options – You Can Help Expand Them

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 30, 2022 26:24


    A discussion with Edward Bixby of the Green Burial Council on eco-friendly burial options – and the consumer's role in helping expand what's available.   Mentioned in this episode: https://www.dyingkindness.com/ https://www.greenburialcouncil.org/ GBC map of certified providers: https://www.greenburialcouncil.org/interactive-maps.html https://destinationdestinymemorials.com/ https://www.steelmantowncemetery.com/ "Climate Change: The massive CO2 emitter you may not know about" by Lucy Rodgers for BBC "Lawn Maintenance and Climate Change" paper by Princeton Student Climate Initiative "This heatwave is a reminder that grass lawns are terrible for the environment" article by Akin Olla for The Guardian  

    29: Who They Gonna Call?

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 13, 2022 12:18


    In addition to choosing an emergency contact, you should prepare contact lists for who they should call if you ended up in a crisis or need longer-term support. In this episode, Cianna goes over what kinds of contact lists you should prepare for different situations.

    28: Preparing for Writing Your Will

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 17, 2022 11:04


    We all know we should write a will, but how do you get started? Here are some tips on what to prepare that will make it easier and will save you time and money when you sit down to write your own will. Referenced: DyingKindness.com Episode 4: The Value of Physical Stuff Book: The Poetry of Impermanence, Mindfulness, and Joy (affiliate link)  

    27: Planning for Long-Term Care, with Matt McCann

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 3, 2022 61:31


    People are living longer and longer. While generally that's a good thing, it also means that more of us are going to need long-term care – and that can get expensive. What is long-term care? What options are there? And how can we plan for it?  In this episode, Cianna talks with leading LTC expert Matt McCann. McCann is recognized as one of the nation's leading long-term health care specialists, and is the publisher of LTC News.   Mentioned in this episode: Consumer focused news & resources: LTCnews.com  McCann Insurance Services: RadioLTC.com Information from U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services: LongTermCare.gov American Association for Long-Term Care Insurance: AALTCI.org Medical bills are leading cause of bankruptcy U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services report shows “70% of adults who survive to age 65 develop severe LTSS needs before they die and 48% receive some paid care over their lifetime”  About Larry Lujack

    26: In The First Hours After Your Death

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 20, 2022 16:37


    If you were to become incapacitated or die suddenly, what would your people need to know?  This is a replay of Episode 1, updated to include an announcement for BinderDash, a workshop + co-working session to help you get the Essentials of your Death Binder done: https://binderdash-august2022.rsvpify.com  

    Brief Thoughts on SCOTUS and the Future

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 9, 2022 7:38


    The decisions made by the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) during this past session raised some concerns about how certain classes of people and situations will be different treated from state to state. Cianna shares some initial thoughts about steps to take related to advance directives and other concerns around death and dying moving forward.

    24: What's in an Obituary? A conversation with Michael Osborne, Famous & Gravy

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 21, 2022 46:14


    What's the point of obituaries? Why are some people so into reading them? Should you draft your own obituary as a Dying Kindness? Today we talk with Michael Osborne from the podcast Famous & Gravy, a podcast about what really matters in life, and what's gravy... one dead celebrity at a time.   Referenced: Famous & Gravy Generation Anthropocene New York Times Obituaries Obituary for Shirley Temple Black Famous & Gravy episode on Shirley Temple Black

    23: Joint Account vs Power of Attorney for Finances - which is better?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 7, 2022 20:34


    For most of us, there will come a point when we'll need to have someone else help manage our finances. Two common approaches are to set up a joint bank account, or use a Power of Attorney for Finances. Which is better? How do you decide which to use?

    22: How much does a funeral cost?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 24, 2022 14:36


    A funeral can get expensive. In this episode, I break down the elements of a traditional burial funeral in the United Stages, and the median costs.

    21: ”Asking for Help” vs ”Being a Burden”

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 19, 2022 15:53


    After a lifetime of independence, it can be tough to age or get ill and start to need help. So many of us fear becoming a burden so we resist asking for help. But at what point will our independence become a problem? What's the difference between asking for help and being a burden?

    20: What Goes Into A Living Will?

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 5, 2022 32:34


    A discussion of the kinds of things that you could (and should) include in your living will, including examples that Cianna wrote into her own.  Topics: Living Will, Advance Directive   Mentioned: DyingKindness.com NOLO Press Book: The Art of Dying Well Book: A Beginner's Guide to the End Dying Kindness Bookshop  The Death Deck The Conversation Project Estate lawyer: Kathleen Hunt Book: Death Poems

    19: Which Forms? When? Living Will, DNR, POLST, Advance Directive

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 22, 2022 22:52


    Living Will. DNR. Advance Directive. POLST.  You know these forms are important. But are they the same? Do you need all of them? What are they for? And when would you need them?   Forms are location specific. Do an online search for "[where you live] and [name of form]" or ask your lawyer to get the right version for you.   Recap of summary:  Everyone over the age of 18 should specify their wishes and designate a health care proxy, ideally with an Advance Directive or Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney If you're close to the end of life or frail and the risk of complications from resuscitation would not be worth it, that's when you want a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order If you're close to the end of life and don't want to artificially extend your life and you want to be sure that your wishes are honored (and it's available in your area), get a Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment (POLST)

    forms dnr living will advance directive polst medical power physician orders life sustaining treatment polst
    18: Choosing Who Will Defend Your Wishes

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 2, 2022 22:19


    Selecting the right Health Care Agent is a critical factor in ensuring that we get the kind of care we want when we're critically injured or nearing the end of our lives. Your agent will be responsible for implementing your Advance Healthcare Directive, and (even more) for understanding why you made the decisions you made so they can respond to unanticipated situations. How do you choose the right person? What, exactly, would you be asking them to do?   Referenced:  Review of studies on racial bias in pain perception in NCBI: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17187552/

    17: On Wanting To Do What We Love As Long As Possible

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2022 7:35


    Thinking about dying has me thinking about aging. And as I took my aging body on a hike, I decided maybe it's time to get used to using hiking poles—and this had me thinking about what we can do now so that we can keep what we love doing for longer.

    16:Your Final Resting Place

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 16, 2022 15:51


    Do you want to be buried near your parents? Want your children to scatter your ashes at your favorite beach? Would your family visit your memorial tree in a forest? What kinds of things do you need to take into consideration when you're choosing your final resting place?   Bonus in this episode: An interview with Mike Szymanski, creator of the #DoxieTombstone in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

    15: Final Disposition of Your Body

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 1, 2022 19:30


    Burial or Cremation? That question is important, yes, and it's not the only thing that needs to be decided about what will happen with your body after you die. This episode covers some of the practical decisions that need to be made regarding final disposition.

    14: Getting The Conversation Started

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 18, 2022 39:28


    Sure, it's important to talk about death and what we want. But how do you even begin this conversation? What if you're ready to talk but someone else is resistant? And what do we even need to talk about? In this episode I interview Kate deBartolo from The Conversation Project, and Lisa Pahl and Lori LoCicero from The Death Deck. They share tools and personal stories that can help you get the conversation started, regardless of how comfortable (or uncomfortable) you and your loved ones are with the topic.   https://theconversationproject.org/ https://thedeathdeck.com/ https://www.instagram.com/thedeathdeck/    

    13: What's in a Death Binder?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 5, 2022 13:58


    Just what kinds of things would be useful to the people we'll leave behind when we die? What decisions need to be made? What goes into a "Death Binder"?

    12: Lessons for Living and Dying Well

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 23, 2021 37:33


    Presenting three books with good lessons learned from the dying on how to live (and die) well: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - Bronnie Ware The Four Things That Matter Most - Ira Byock When Breath Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi Related links:   Bronnie Ware's blog post that started it all: https://bronnieware.com/blog/regrets-of-the-dying/   Link to Ira Byock's book page: https://irabyock.org/books/the-four-things-that-matter-most/   Lucy Kalanithi speaks at TEDMED https://www.ted.com/talks/lucy_kalanithi_what_makes_life_worth_living_in_the_face_of_death

    11: From Death Phobic to Death Doula

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 7, 2021 45:37


    Karen Reppen describes herself as being once "the most death phobic person on the planet." Now she's on the board of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance (NEDA) and an advocate for death education. In this interview, she shares what she learned on her journey to overcome her fear of death, what an end-of-life doula does, and thoughts on NEDA's role in the death positivity movement.

    10: Holidays Can Be Complicated

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 24, 2021 13:58


    Logistics are not the only things that complicate death. The holidays can be an emotional time. Here are five ways to help take care of the emotional side of the impact your death will have on those you love.

    9: What is a Good Death?

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 9, 2021 22:39


    We often refer to the idea of a "good death" without really digging in to what that means for us. But being clear about it is critical when it comes to completing an Advance Care Directive.

    good death advance care directive
    8-HolidaysForTheDead

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 27, 2021 15:02


    Samhain. Halloween. All Saints Day. All Souls Day. Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead).   All of these holidays are about the connection between the living and the dead. And they all present the dead in different ways. Taking a look at these differences can be a fun way to think about where we get our concepts about death and how our loved ones might relate to us after we die.

    7: An Estate Lawyer Teaches Me Things

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2021 41:48


    Have questions about estate planning? Listen in on my first conversation with an estate lawyer, Kathleen Hunt. I ask basic questions and learn so much!

    6: Ashes to Ashes... and More

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 14, 2021 23:03


    What can be done with cremated remains? So many things!

    5: Hospice - Edwina Moldover Interview

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 7, 2021 34:09


    "Hospice is not giving up." Retired hospice nurse Edwina Moldover clears up misconceptions about hospice and says that the biggest mistake we make is not accessing hospice earlier.

    4: The Value of Physical Stuff

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 19, 2021 15:36


    When we die, we'll leave behind a lot of physical stuff. How should we think about the value of that stuff? And how can we make it easier for our loved ones to distribute it after we're gone?

    3: After the First Days - The Will

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 15, 2021 14:41


    What can a Will convey - and when is it not enough? Discussed in this episode: Wills Estate Planning with a lawyer Time and costs of Probate Court Thresholds for automatic Probate Beneficiary Designations Interview w/ Miguel Torres, MilesTorresLaw.com Poem: New Orleans Limbo by Andrei Codrescu from Death Poems, ed. Russ Kick    

    2: In the First Days of Your Death

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 1, 2021 12:15


    Notes on what decisions will need to be made by your loved ones in the first few days after your death.   In this episode: Final disposition Finances Obituary Social media

    1: Urgent Needs in the First Hours

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 1, 2021 14:49


    If you were to get into an accident, what would your loved ones need to know right away? This episode introduces Dying Kindness, and walks through some practical notes on what you should have prepared for the first few hours of your possible incapacity or death.   In this episode: Emergency contact Need-to-know list Health Care Directive Dependents Organ donation Death Certificate Where to take your body    

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