FREAKQUELS Podcast

Drunken FRAT ALIENS have arrived on Earth and have been leaving butt-shaped crop circles all over the fields of Pennsylvania! Fearful of an invasion…or worst yet…intergalactic beer pong tournaments (which frat aliens call gawaganabo), EJ and Rory turn to Father Patrick Conlin for solace which he can only offer to them in the form of M.Night Shyamalan's science-fiction classic, “SIGNS.” As a priest, Father Colin may have checked out...

This week on FREAKQUELS, Rory FINALLY gets the electric chair for his crimes, but has turned into a sand man for some reason. What's weird is he's using his incredible powers to be a litter box…which no one asked him to do. Honestly, some of the cats are weirded out by the whole thing. Anywho, while Rory works through…whatever the hell it is that's going on with him, EJ and Bobby Keller discuss the low-budget cheese-fest, “SLEEPSTALKER!

Welcome to PART 2 of our ED WOOD-A-THON! Long distance electrodes have been shot into the pineal and pituitary glands of the recently dead members of the FREAKQUENCY, forcing them to participate in a LIVE COMMENTARY TRACK for one of the worst movies ever made, “PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE! Is this movie's abysmal reputation warranted? Hit play on the film once the gang gives you the cue so you can follow along and find out! 

This week, the FREAKQUENCY crashes the gang's LIVE commentary track for “BRIDE OF THE MONSTER” during their ED WOOD-A-THON! If you'd like to join the party and follow along with the film, then hit play once that gang gives you the cue! Throw your tentacles in the air and come celebrate one of Hollywood's original outsiders, Ed Wood! 

This week on FREAKQUELS, Matthew Rinaldi has brought the interactive murder video game BRAINSCAN to show EJ and Rory at their weekly horror club meeting! This game allows you to experience a realistic murder through the eyes of a killer. After letting Rory borrow the game for an evening, murders pop up all over town, but what's weird is the game is still in its original wrapper. I'm sure it's nothing to be concerned about. Anywho, the gang reviews the cult sci-fi/horror flick “BRAINSCAN” because that's what they do on this stupid show! 

This week on FREAKQUELS, EJ is possessed by PAZUZU and his pals! Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but the LEGION of demons won't stop talking throughout the gangs review of “THE EXORCIST lll” and it's more than a little distracting. Rather than subject himself to any rude demons lacking basic self-awareness, Rory calls in father Jeff Boam to perform an exorcism on EJ! Will Rory pay Jeff for his services? Eh…probably not…

This is not a DRILL! Tom Tomeo is having the slumber party of the season, and Rory and EJ are invited over to review “THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE” in their PJs. Sounds like fun, right? Well, the DRILLER KILLER's invite got “lost in the mail” and he's a little salty about the whole thing! Will he kill the gang with his trusty drill or will he get too distracted by all the hunky photos of 80's Stallone that are lying around? Find out this week on FREEEEEEEAKQUUUUUUUUUUUELS! 

This week, the gang's vacation to Twin Peaks has been interrupted by the murder of Laura Palmer…which Rory more than likely committed. I mean, who takes rolls of plastic wrap and a bundle marked “KILL TOOLS” on vacation? After sorting through the damning evidence, Twin Peak's sheriff Dave Gonzalez was quoted as saying, “Don't get used to Rory being on this stupid podcast for much longer.” Anyway, to kill time until Rory's inevitable arrest, the gang discusses, “TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME!”

This week on FREAKQUELS, young Vince has his last dance with Mary Jane as Max Roche and the gang cut in to show the lad the cautionary tale, “REEFER MADNESS: THE MOVIE MUSICAL!” 

In need of rest following their epic battle with the army of darkness, EJ and Rory attend a circus only to discover that murderous space clowns occupy it! I guess it's true what Abraham Lincoln once said, “There's no rest for the Cheeto-stained podcaster!” Anywho, with the murderous killer clowns hot on their trail, the gang turns to officer David Gonzalez for help who has them watch his favorite police training video, “KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE”, to better prepare for the war against the space bozos!!!

Well, ignoring the pesky vampire has undoubtedly blown up in EJ and Rory's face because the jerk got his hands on the NECRONOMICON and has raised an army of the dead to take over the world. What a week!On a quest to redeem themselves, the gang enlists Leo and Shane Purdy to battle the army of the dead! Killing time until the battle begins, the four review Sam Raimi's fantastical horror comedy, “ARMY OF DARKNESS!”

A pesky VAMP is terrorizing FREAKQUELVILLE, so EJ and Rory enlist Elle Snow and Strega Carmo to slay the jerk because…honestly…they don't wanna. Listen as your pals from FREAKQUELS lazily sit at home, eat Cheetos, and ignore the screams outside so they can review EJ's favorite cult vampire movie “SUBSPECIES!”

Having accidentally blown young Vince out of the airlock of their space shuttle, Rory, EJ, and Mike Vinci have returned to Earth and are on the run from the police inside their 1970s van! Not being one to turn away a dangerous-looking hitchhiker, the gang picks up Brent Wilson, who invites them to meet his psychotic family and review “THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE” over some homemade BBQ! The gang knows the BBQ is made from humans but eats it anyway. It's a weird episode...

Saint Patrick may have chased the snakes out of Ireland, but FREAKQUELS may chase away their audience by reviewing, “LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPACE!” Join the gang as Captain Mike Vinci pilots them through space where no one can hear young Vince scream…when a Leprechaun bites his baby toes.  

Movie-themed Murder is afoot at Windsor College, so Detectives Marnie Azzarelli and Justin O'Hearn have invited dirtbag “film reviewers” EJ and Rory to help solve the case! Since Rory's reasonably sure he's the culprit, he asks EJ to distract the detectives by inviting them to review one of the best sequels in horror history, “SCREAM 2”, while he blows town.

This week on FREAKQUELS, Adam Farley and Daniel Hanicak invite EJ and Rory to the ol' Chapel to play a round of Cry Wolf. Unfortunately, Rory failed to understand that this was only a game and that he didn't actually need to kill people…an honest mistake for sure. Needless to say, the gang will not be invited back for any future game nights. Rather than be bothered with Rory's growing bloodlust, EJ suggests they review the indie, pseudo-slasher flick, “CRY WOLF!”

EJ has risen from the grave…however, some essential parts have fallen off. Bummer! Fear not zombie Leeson, for Rory, Elle Snow, and Meggie Roche are here to recover the pieces of that sweet bod and stick you in a tanning bed to reanimate them so we can all review the living hell out of a future cult classic that nine out of ten zombies called, “moooooaaaaaaaaan”, “LISA FRANKENSTEIN!” 

This week, EJ's rabies-ridden body needs to be buried inside the BUFFALORA CEMETERY because Rory “accidentally” buried a pickaxe into his head. Elle and Jon Snow have agreed to aid in his burial, but are confused to learn that Rory wasn't aware of the rabies at the time of the pickaxing.Anywho, this is one of those resurrection cemeteries so the three kill time waiting for EJ to rise from the grave by reviewing the artful horror comedy, “CEMETERY MAN!”

This Valentine's Day, EJ Leeson has rabies…or the rage virus! Either way, he has chased Rory, Elle Snow, and Justin O'Hearn into an abandoned coal mine! Hiding inside some old coal miner clothes, the trio decides to kill some time by reviewing the blood-soaked remake, “MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D!” 

Cast away your TRIOXIN, for the Metal Messiah Jon Snow has risen to regale EJ and Rory with a review etched onto stone tablets for the ultimate blood-soaked zombie love story, “RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3!” Testify!

This week, EJ and Rory test their new resurrection reagent on a couple of corpses that Rory had stashed away in his baseme…the morgue to help them review the gonzo horror classic, “ RE-ANIMATOR!” Who needs a guest when they've got corpses?

This week on FREAKQUELS, the past has come back to haunt the gang as Art the Clown's lawyer Brent Wilson has issued a lawsuit against EJ and Rory for not paying their bill and trashing the bathroom at the Clown Cafe! The boys can simply pay their debt or review the gore-fest “TERRIFIER 3” with Mr. Wilson and Mr. Clown. Having blown their savings investing in pyrite, the boys agree to review the film on the condition that they will not be murdered. No promises have been made at this time. 

(In Rod Serling's voice) You unlock this door with the key of stupidity. Beyond it is a dimension where EJ, Rory, young Vince, and Jay Salerno discuss the horror anthology, "TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE." You enter this dimension and are served a gumbo of idiotic commentary that will turn even the sanest traveler into a stark-raving madman. You've just crossed over into...the FREAKQUELS ZONE!

NosFERRETu has returned, biting the ankles of peasants and transforming them into vampiric ferrets! After learning there's a bounty for its staking, EJ and Rory decide to get in on some of that sweet sweet reward money! Before waging war with the little guy, vampire expert Elle Snow prepares the boys for the horrors to come by having them study one of the greatest vampire films of all time, “NOSFERATU!” Will they survive the furry fury of NosFERRETu? Eh…who cares?

Happy NEW YEARS FREAKQUENTS and welcome to SEASON 3! This week, a string of New Year-themed murders have occurred and EJ once again suspects Rory since he's generally found guilty of such things. Will EJ confront Rory about his murderous ways or will he let it be someone else's problem since he needs a buddy to review the forgotten 80's horror gem “NEW YEAR'S EVIL”  with? Priorities! 

Merry Christmas, Freakquents! On a VERY special holiday episode, SANTA BILLY leaves the gang a Mathew Renaldi underneath the tree, complete with a Yuletide classic to review. So, gather around the fireplace as Mr. Renaldi regales EJ and Rory with a film that celebrates the true meaning of Christmas, Bob Clark's horror masterpiece, “BLACK CHRISTMAS!” 

Money is tight this holiday season so EJ and Rory are forced to babysit Leo for his father Shane Purdy. There's only one catch, Leo would like to review the flick “BETTER WATCH OUT” (aka babysitter nightmare fuel) and then test out all of the Home Alone traps on the FREAKQUELS gang to see if they work the way they do in the movie. Will Rory and EJ put themselves through terrible abuse for a minimal amount of money? Eh, a buck's a buck.

SLAY bells won't ring this holiday season since FREAKQUELS favored Mogwai EJ Leeson has multiplied due to a watery slip-and-slide mishap! Since the batch of Leesons refuse to watch anything other than Snow White, Rory invites smokeless ashtray enthusiast Casey Clocker over to discuss a creature feature that hits close to home right now, “GREMLINS.”

It's truly GARBAGE DAY as Rory and EJ visit film critic David Gonzalez to review all 20% of the new footage shot for the Christmas slasher anomaly, “SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2!” 

Happy Thanksgiving, FREAKQUENTS!!! On a VERY special episode of FREAKQUELS, Turkey Day enthusiast Carl Mills invites EJ and Rory over for dinner to show off his brand-new John Carver mask and to discuss the Eli Roth joint, “THANKSGIVING!” He certainly doesn't plan to feed them a freshly baked young Vince and then meticulously murder them…we think?

Along with her mystery key filled with sweet sweet savior blood, Kaitlin Reckless brings her demon drama to the sleepy town of Wormwood where Ej and Rory are lying low to avoid having to pay back crippling gambling debt! In exchange for their help against the forces of darkness, Kaitlin agrees to discuss the forgotten horror gem, “TALES FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT!” 

Having been missing from the “hit” show FREAKQUELS for weeks now, the ghostly visage of young Vince putting up drywall has been discovered in numerous photographs! Desperately wanting to summon their baby boy to discuss the SPOOKY mockumentary “LAKE MUNGO”, EJ and Rory hire paranormal investigator, Meggie Roche to contact the little jerk so they can get their review on! 

This week, Swartz Dreamboat invites EJ and Rory to a filthy boxing ring to commentate on the epic SLASH of the Titans, “FREDDY VS. JASON!”

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, FREAKQUENTS!!! In an attempt to have a safe evening during the SPOOKIEST night of the year, film critic extraordinaire DAVID GONZALEZ invites the FREAKQUELS gang out for a lowkey evening at that weird Victorian version of the Myers house to discuss the polarizing slasher flick, “HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS!” Somehow Palpatine didn't return to watch this entry...

On an extra SPOOOOKY episode of SHEQUELS, Robyn, Elle, and Meggie accidentally conjure up the jerks from the "hit" podcast, FREAKQUELS! Black magic, am I right? Rather than do the right thing and simply kill the trash-eating otherwordly morons, the coven instead invites Rory and EJ to join them by the CAULDRON to discuss the BEWITCHING holiday classic, "HOCUS POCUS!" Oh, and somehow Palpatine returned!!!

The SPOOKY HALLOWEEN festivities continue as METAL MESSIAH Jon Snow and TERMITE SATAN invite Rory and EJ up to HULL HOUSE for a HALLOWEEN PARTY and to review the punk rock horror romp, “NIGHT OF THE DEMONS!”

This week, the HALLOWEEN festivities take a back seat as suspicions of EJ having turned blood-sucking vampire have reached a critical mass! In need of answers and someone to discuss the comedic vampire romp "ONCE BITTEN" with, Rory calls in resident vamp expert Elle Snow to determine if EJ's desire to dress in black, sleep in a trunk, and drink glasses of sweet sweet bovine blood are that of a nosferatu or just a really strange and disturbed young man. She quickly concludes it's the latter.  Email us at freakquelpodcast@gmail.com if you'd like to shame EJ's vampiric ways!

SEASONS GREETINGS, FREAKQUENTS! To help young Vince learn the magic of the HALLOWEEN SEASON, Rory and EJ enlist the help of laundry expert Daryll Phillips and a playfully demonic pumpkin spirit named Sam to discuss the Halloween holiday love letter grafted onto celluloid, “TRICK ‘R TREAT!”  FUN FACT: Terrified of the film, young Vince wet himself so Rory and EJ looked the other way while Sam beat the snot out of the gross little brat!  

This week, young Vince is missing and all eyes are on the suspicious-looking, (probably) serial killer doll Leo and Shane Purdy brought in to discuss the king of all murderous toy films, “CHILD'S PLAY!” Oh, and somehow Palpatine returned! 

Wanting to go method, guest Justin O'Hearn and the gang decide to review “THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT” within the woods of Burkittsville Maryland where they become convinced a witch has trapped them within a labyrinth of never-ending forest. As it turns out, they're just unbelievably stupid and got lost. Find out the fate of these morons wherever you listen to your podcasts!

Happy FRIDAY THE 13TH!!! To celebrate their first official year together, Mike Vinci and the gang drop an extra special bonus episode of FREAKQUELS to thank their fans, the almighty FREAKQUENCY!  So sit back, pop on your favorite hockey mask, and enjoy a review for the quintessential slasher flick of the '80s, “FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER!”

After being a little ankle-biting werewolf jerk for the better part of a year, Rory and EJ decide to cancel young Vince's trip to Disney World. Instead, they take the fleabag to Captain Swortz “Chris” Dreamboat's Museum of Monsters and Madmen. It may not be the Magic Kingdom, but it does come complete with a complementary bucket of fried chicken and a review of Rob Zombie's debut shocker, “HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES!”

After walking in on his grandparent's questionable act of (nervously clears his throat) lovemaking, young Vince turns to the gang with questions about the birds and the bees! Rather than having any meaningful discussion on the matter, EJ and Rory invite Shannon Buckley over to discuss Ti West's slasher throwback “X” in hopes that little jerk Vince will figure sussudioing out by himself.

Exhausted from being mercilessly shunted, the Freakquels gang desperately needs a form of relaxation that only the DEATH SPA can provide! After reviewing the cult classic of the same name in perfect tranquility, owners Joe Petitto and Mike Vinci give the gang the shunting of a lifetime, free with membership! 

This week, the bozos over at FREAKQUELS invite film critic David Gonzalez to review Brian Yuzna's body horror bonanza, "SOCIETY" via SKYPE! Afterward, the gang heads to a “special” party where the GHOULISH guests SHUNT young Vince within an inch of his life!

This week, murder is afoot on Freakquels so the gang calls in Macey Morcom and Becky Henderson to help solve the murder mystery! Within moments they figure out, it was Rory based on the damning evidence and proud, unprompted confession.  Having solved the mystery quicker than any of them could have imagined, the group decides to kill some time by reviewing the slasher franchise's original trilogy capper, “SCREAM 3!”

Tired of young Vince's werewolf antics, Rory and EJ race against time to find a cure for his lycanthropia. While none of their exciting trials and tribulations are present in this episode, you can hear them review the classic film, “THE WOLF MAN”, with studly Joe Petitto! That's something, right? Right???

Returning home from Transylvania, pilot Salvatore Napoli recommends that the gang review the bug-infested flick “Mimic 2” to kill some time during their flight! They are joined by cockroach king, Connor Cashman, who offers them some pocket pizza and tips on how to safely tear someone's face off so one could mimic them! 

On a very serious episode of Freakquels, Rory loses his battle with Psychosis and goes on a killing spree. Young Vince tells Ej that the only way to calm Rory down is to take in the movie “AMERICAN PSYCHO” and go over their business cards. Rory loves business cards. Will Rory ever break his homicidal ways? Will Young Vince ever stop putting up drywall? Find out now on FREAKQUELS!

On a very emotional episode of FREAKQUELS, Dr. Elle Snow promises Rory and Ej that with months of intense therapy, there is a possibility that young werewolf Vince can be driven away from Dracula and his monsters and return home to them.  Having watched the classic vampire film, “DRACULA”, they decide it would just be easier to stake the vamp, kick some werewolf nards and drag Vince's werewolf ass home! 

This week on FREAKQUELS, Strega Carmo councils the gang over their shared trauma of having watched, “HOWLING lll: THE MARSUPIALS!"  They are joined by werewolf actors from the franchise's earlier entries who share their harrowing tales of having to sit back and helplessly watch ravenous marsupials transform their once mighty theatrical franchise into a straight-to-video one!