ROCKENSTEIN

Are your ear-holes perked and open wide? Mm, delicious. Join Red and Grimm as they catch up with resident bad boy and 'author', Brendan Perry. Meanwhile, HAMMERADE IS BACK TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THEIR ULTRA MEGA X-TREME ALPHA TOUR. With a special story of love, lost, inner-strength, murder and copyright infringement. No album reviews this episode, but just you wait, we may just surprise you next week! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.     SHOW BREAKDOWN:   0:00 - REDENSTEIN   1:11 - Brendan Perry's "Mean-Muggin', Straight-Thuggin' and Meat Choggin'"   6:27 - HAMMERADE PRESENTS ULTRA MEGA X-TREME ALPHA TOUR   8:28 - Melting mammaries/ The Melanie Martinez Movie/ Seven Inch Satanic Panic/ Yeezy is a skeezy/ Fart   26:53 - Steamboat Blues   29:37 - Carlsaurus drops by to say bye and wreck the office. THE END

Hello, and welcome back to another 'Best Of' episode of Rockenstein. Today, you will be enjoying our deliciously inappropriate skits. FEEL HONORED!!! I will not lie to you, guys. It shoulda been a story time, buuuuuuuuut hangovers and mushrooms don't mix very well... so here ya go! Take it or leave it.. but why leave it when you can just take it... maybe if we wave it around at you... Just listen Okay?! Alright then.

THE FLAMES OF HELL ARE BURNING OUR BISCUITS. This week, our movie experts come to visit and dish on a superhero classic. Our hosts discuss torture of the porn variety, the horrors on the dark web and Tool's triumph over Tay-Tay Swift's numbers and fans! With a surprise pop in from our own MC Mung. Featuring album reviews for Korn - The Nothing, and Tool - Fear Inoculum SHOW BREAKDOWN: 0:00 - Opening to this trashstorm 0:58 - Sherzl Hilms & Dr. Germ Wretsen's Movie Reviews with a Twist! 2:37 - Blimpo's Brothel and Speakeasy 3:23 - Erotica art searches + Skit of fire = Regrets / The dark web is not your friend, but the drugs are okay / Who's #1 NOW TAY-TAY 20:44 - MC Mung's "Tongue Punch Her Fart Box" 22:31 - KORN ' THE NOTHING' REVIEW 31:51 - TOOL 'FEAR INOCULUM' REVIEW 44:15 - This is the end....MY ONLY FRIEND, THE ENNNND. 45:33 - Dat special sauce at the end

DOUGIE IS BACK! JUST HOW YOU LIKE IT, YOU DIRTY LITTLE LISTENER.   Take it down a notch there, Doug.   YES, YES. RIGHT. I, THE DUNGEON MASTER, HAVE A NEW AND GRIPPING TALE OF DELICIOUS MEATS AND THE MEN WHO PROBE THEM. PLEASE SIT BACK AND ENJOY TALES OF TERROR'S RENDITION OF 'They're Made Out of Meat' BY Terry Bisson.

 Welcome to the second episode of season 2!!! This week, we make fun of vaping and Dougie (as usual), Hank stops by to commit a felony, we talk about groping Rob Zombie, Grimm plays with some boundaries, Red stands up for whats right even though she herself is often wrong, and we review some old Metalcore standards new albums!   SHOW BREAKDOWN: 0:00 - Intro 1:20 - Hank's Life Hanks (Hacks) 2:22 - Existential Crisis/Mandela Effects/Groping Zombies and Concert-Goers/Call Your Mom and Ask If You're Awful 27:10 - Dougie's Fantasy Corner Reviews Brothers of Metal - Yggdrasil 29:47 - REVIEW: Atreyu - In Our Wake (DELUXE) 42:24 - REVIEW: Killswitch Engage - Atonement 1:04:28 - THE END IS NIGH OH GOD SWEET BABY 9lb 10oz JESUS!

Today on Story Time, our hosts talk about music we've missed during the break, the finer points of wikipedia, and getting stalked by virtual virgins all from the comfort of our homes! Join us, won't you?

WE'RE BACK, BABY! Season 2 coming all over your face, just like you asked for it. Didn't you, you dirty listener? Join us as we meet a new psychobilly expert, catch up with a former degenerate and bring you new personal segments. Saddle up and hold tight, creeps and ghouls. Stuff's about to get real...as real as it can get....not real at all. Red's artist mention: @albogram ALBUM REVIEWS: Volbeat - Rewind, Replay, Rebound Slipknot - We Are Not Your Kind

Season 2 Premieres August 16th! Join your hosts, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb as they bring you all the things you never asked for! including SpeSHul guests! ROCKENSTEIN IS BACK, WITCHES!

Come with us on a journey through some of our favorite off kilter "ads" we've run over the season! With fake commercials like these, we're pretty sure we'll never find a real sponsor!  For sponsorship info contact Ryan Mansfield at Rockensteincast@gmail.com we promise we might not probably run an insane ad for you!

During the hosts nap time, we discuss Trivium's new cover song, Red has a musicgasm, Grimm tries not to get too irate at metal elitists (but he does), and  we dive into what's to come on the new Sea of Thieves One Year Anniversary Update! Featuring a tale of our latest sea-fairing adventure! Which we get irate at. It's gonna be a hoot!   *During a brief hockey conversation, Red said the Kings were in the playoffs with the Same, it was actually the Knights*  Music during Sea of Thieves chat provided by Freesounds.org, Song "Video Game" created by DJGriffin

ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US TONIGHT AS THE SEMI FINALS ARE... UPON US. THEY ARE HERE... YOU'RE UH.. YOU'RE LOOKING AT THEM, SO PRESS PLAY!!!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? OH RIGHT. A DESCRIPTION. TENACIOUS D, GHOST, THE KOFFIN KATS, AND IN THIS MOMENT ALL BATTLE FOR A SPOT IN THE FINALS AGAINST OUR MYSTERY FIGHTER! COME FOR THE LAUGHS, STAY FOR THE BLOOD! brought to you by hammerade sports drink, put the oink in your doink!

See? Even when the season is over we bring you fresh hot steamy content! Welcome to another edition of Tales of Terror! this week The Dungeon Master is forced to work while the rest of ROCKENSTEIN is on vacation because he cancelled our Wifi (its a whole stupid thing) So he's bringing you some fresh new chills for your spine! I hope you brought your big diapers today, because tonight we feature works from Edgar Allan Poe and HP Lovecraft. 

IT'S HERE! End of season 1. Much sadness. Join us as we go deep undercover to bust perverts with Chazz Hamson in another very special episode of ROCKENSTEIN! Super deep, b@lls deep. Also we meet a new member of the staff, and Red and Grimm talk about the inspiration for this episode! Thanks for tuning in this season and we will see you in TWO MONTHS with Season 2!!! WELL? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GO! LISTEN!!! Show Breakdown: 00:00 - Show Intro/Newsline: ROCKENSTEIN Part One 04:02 - A Word From Our Sponsors/Kip Flanger's Thrift-O-Rama 05:16 - Journalist Names/Perverts Lie Badly/Pizza Before Jail/Taxasaurus Rex In A China Shop 19:34 - Newsline: ROCKENSTEIN Part 2 23:14 - I Prevail, TRAUMA Review 31:25 - Whitechapel, The Valley Review 38:50 - Devin Townsend, EMPATH Review 48:38 - Uranus (the end)

Bad news in the ROCKENSTEIN camp, but have no fear but a cold beer! Damn that sounds good right now... no I don’t care that it’s 8 am...

Am I real? Are you real? Is that naked clown on a unicycle even real? On a special story time, Grimm and Red discuss existential crises, the Koffin Kats concert and how not to get ruined by California weed......GRIMM. Tune in, turn it up and stop thinking in 90's cliches!

THE END OF SEASON IS NIGH! and with it, come Performance reviews. Tune in as Red and Grimm sit down with the usual band of morons and talk about their performance this year.  This episode we discuss the possibilities of dinosaurs taking up accounting jobs, our hosts get a little too open sexually, and we talk about our upcoming visit to see the Koffin Kats! All this plus album reviews! YES! WOW! GASP! I'll stop now. Album Reviews: Hot Lunch, Buckcherry, Children of Bodom.    Show Breakdown: 00:00 - Show Intro/Performance Reviews Part One 07:18 - A Word From Our Sponsors/Hammerade Lady Tampons 08:34 - Carlsaurus Rex/Lessons in Personal Sexuality/Reunited and It Feels So Good 23:22 - Performance Reviews Part Two 28:48 - Hot Lunch, Seconds Review* 35:28 - Buckcherry, Warpaint Review 41:40 - Children of Bodom, Hexed Review 47:32 - Credits Where Credits Due   * normally we have clips of the music we're reviewing, however we were unable to obtain a usable copy of music from this album to use in the podcast

Welcome to another terror filled installment of TALES OF TERROR!!! we have two new terrifying tales to tell you tonight! That certainly was a lot of T's. Sometimes you just can't get what you want so you must take it yourself. Thats what happened with this woman and her husband in our first  Story, Life Within, by an unknown author. and The Little Shop Of Curiosities makes a return this episode much to Dougie's dismay! He has a tale about an unusual wig with an unusual past... SIMPSONS DID IT! And now ROCKENSTEIN did it!   (little shop of curiosities content written by teddy grimm)

Episode 18?! already?! Boy, where does the time go? only two more episodes to go in season 1! But don't worry, we will still be here to talk you through life, every week during the break!    On this episode of ROCKENSTEIN, Doc Rock comes back to show us his new creation DEATH METAL REGGAE, Hank has a helpful tip... nope... Hank has a tip... no.. Hank has some sentences for you, Grimm thinks about his coffee inappropriately, and Red gets angry this time. It's a hoot. Album Reviews: Badflower, Dream Theater, and In Flames.   Show Breakdown: 00:00 - Show Intro/Dr Rockenstein's Death Metal Reggae 05:30 - A Word From Our Sponsors/Hank's Life Hanks (Hacks) 07:07 - Unhealthy Obsessions/Nonsense/Childhood Trauma 17:50 - Grammy Coverage With Sal The Hardcore Kid 20:46 - Badflower - Ok, I'm Sick review 28:58 - Dream Theater - Distance Over Time review 32:48 - In Flames - I, The Mask review 39:14 - Closing Ceremonies

OH MY GOD ITS TOTAL PANDEMONIUM AT ROCKENSTEIN STADIUM AS BATTLE ROYALE IV KICKS OFF TONIGHT! THIS TIME WE SEE AUGUST BURNS RED, INSANE CLOWN POSSE, SEVENDUST, LACUNA COIL, BLOODSUCKING ZOMBIES FROM OUTER SPACE, AND IN THIS MOMENT GO AT IT IN A BLOODBATH OF RAINING BLOODY BLOOD! ITS MADNESS!!! SEE WHO ENDS UP ON TOP IN THE LAST BATTLE ROYALE BEFORE THE SEMI FINALS!!!

High school was such a magical place. Chemical spills, Flanders impersonators, teen websites shut down and cease and desist letters. Ah, memoriiiiiies. Join our hosts as they recount those amazing high school times. How do you make a ex-marine health teacher uncomfortable? Listen to find out. ;)

On a very special death positive episode of ROCKENSTEIN, we discuss how we would like our corpses manhandled, SO MANY VIOLENT THINGS HAPPEN, we talk to our resident neckbeard during his morbid phase, enjoy modern speed dating, and more! Album Reviews: Blood Sucking Zombies From Outer Space, August Burns Red, and (shudder) Insane Clown Posse

DOUGIE HAS RETURNED!!! LISTEN TO MY GLORY AS I HOST THE TALES OF TERROR ONCE AGAIN!!!! FEEL MY HOT DRIPPING WRATH!!!  ew DO NOT JUDGE DOUGIE! OUR TWO NEW TALES TO TICKLE YOUR HORROR BONES ARE: Coconut, by Teddy Grimm and The Last Emergency Call I Took, by Cinderelly visit us at rockenstein.podbean.com for more episodes and information

Lions, tigers, bears, pigs, and a large crow oh my! That'll make more sense when you listen. This week we talk about our favorite Office episodes and visit the set of our new children's show! Plus one of our sponsor's has a brand new product for you all!   We hope you like The Office Quotes.... theres a lot of 'em.

FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!.. OR WHENEVER YOU'RE LISTENING! BLOOD, GUTS, GLORY, HORSES, AND GRANDPA HIPS! ITS ANOTHER BRUTAL CAGE MATCH TO THE DEATH FOR OUR BANDS TO SEE WHO COMES OUT ON TOP ON BATTLE ROYALE III!

On an all new episode of Rockenstein, we take down our stuffy bun, ditch those librarian glasses and talk about our most reread books! In a sexy manner. *Wink* Okay, not really, but we do get a brief word from our boss and debut the latest in blockbuster trailers! Undo the top button on your shirt and join us!   Album reviews: Born of Osiris, Cane Hill, and Flotsam and Jetsam      

No tales of terror this week, but we give you bonus content! The gold within the gold! We talk serial murder, being fugitives, and changing identities. Nine times out of ten, they weren't intentional. (sorry Dougie)

This week we talk about upcoming music BECAUSE APPARENTLY WINTER IS A DEAD ZONE FOR RELEASES. Red tries to replace Dougie and Grimm rapes the microphone.... again.... and we venture into the Psychic Hotline business! Album Reviews: Nothing... didn't you read the top part?

WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME MOTHERLOVERS! EVER WANTED TO KNOW WHAT A GIANT MEAT VOLTRON WOULD BE LIKE? WANT NO FURTHER! THIS WEEKS EPISODE WE THROW SARAH LONGFIELD, EMIGRATE, BURN THE PRIEST (LAMB OF GOD), BLEEDING THROUGH, AFI, AND THE KOFFIN KATS IN THE PIT AND SEE WHO COMES OUT THE VICTOR. ALL ON BATTLE ROYALE II

MERRY NON DENOMINATIONAL HOLIDAY! No... F#@K that. Merry Christmas, everyone! If you celebrate a different holiday thats awesome too, I hope yours was the best yet! Here at Rockenstein, we had a christmas party catered by SUBWAY(tm) and pot brownies.... mainly because no one knows how to listen.... We also pick three random contestants from past episodes for our BATTLE ROYALE!! (dougie borrowed a bingo cage)  Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year!!!  No album reviews, but if anyone wants a copy of the song "A Rockenstein Kind of Christmas" email the show at rockensteincast@gmail.com, message us @rockensteincast or contact us on our website rockenstein.podbean.com  

WELCOME! once again we bring you two new tales to chill your bones to a nice 34 degrees! That's like, super chilly. It may even snow! you don't know!! do you? no you don't. tonight we have tales from Valley_Bat, and a ROCKENSTEIN favorite, HP Lovecraft! Tales: Hollow, by Valley_Bat and Dagon, by HP Lovecraft

It's 'control your mouth at work' day here at ROCKENSTEIN! Listen in as the hostS try their hardest to go through the episode without cursing. If someone curses, they're eating a bean of death and losing $5. This week, we have a boner for Corey Taylor, go flaccid for Adam Levine and get verbally assaulted by an unexpected caller. Album Reviews: Sarah Longfield, Emigrate and AFI

DOUGIE WILL NOT BE FIRED! What I think my friend, Doug, is trying to say is that there is a new segment apart from the Tales of Terror series. Welcome to my Little Shop of Curiosities. I am Lucius Balzum, and I am so elated you decided to stop by. These mystic items that find their way to my shop have so many stories waiting to be told. This week, I've noticed you not only eyeing our paint brush set, but also that ever classic monkey's paw. Let me regale you of their former owners woes. IT IS STILL MY SEGMENT, IS IT NOT!? Stories written by Teddy Grimm  

WELCOME TO BATTLE ROYALE! OUR VERY FIRST MONTLY BLOODBATH! WE REVIEW ALBUMS ON VARIOUS SCALES AND BASED ON THOSE NUMBERS WE SIMULATE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF THOSE BANDS FOUGHT! IS IT SENSELESS? YES! DO WE CARE? NOT EVEN A LITTLE! ARE YOU EXCITED? I AM!!! FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY! WE PIT AUDIOTOPSY, DEVOUR THE DAY, HATE ETERNAL, THE CASUALTIES, DISTURBED, AND TENACIOUS D AGAINST EACH OTHER IN A CAGE AND... WELL... You get the idea.

Happy medium fry day with a side of caramel macchiato, because some people think that's a good idea... RED. This Episode, Grimm is late and Red fondles a stripper. We talk about concerts, welcome a new advice columnist, and more! Album reviews: Burning Witches, Architects, and All That Remains

HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY!!!! MAKE IT THE BLACKEST YET WITH TALES OF TERROR 6!!!! Okay, that's an exaggeration, the tales are spooky but probably wouldn't make it the blackest Friday.... maybe charcoal? Make this friday a CHARCOAL FRIDAY with two new tales!!! Hosted by the master of macabre and questionable laundry, THE DUNGEON MASTER!... jet gray? Featured Stories: Every Child's Fear by Samuel Wagstaff, Iowa by Teddy Grimm

This week we start a grass roots campaign for Slipknot, ring in the holidays a little early, and a familiar face makes an unwanted appearance.. We talk to a couple celebrities, Grimm gets assaulted by a stranger and Red assaults Grimm... I swear this show just gets more ridiculous by the episode. Skits, Reviews, and opinions, we got them all! Album reviews: Hate Eternal, Audiotopsy, Tenacious D Oh, and Dougie reviews Dragonforce. yeah...

HELLO CREEPS AND GHOULS! The Dungeon Master is back with two new Tales Of Terror and a side of fries! Okay, the fries part we don't get but Dougie assured us it's relevant... Get ready to be chilled to the bone with two new tales: Red Water by MurderHouze from creepypasta.com and The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, CREEPS AND GHOULS! WE'RE BACK!! This Halloween Red is going as a pirate harvesting that booty, and Grimm is going as a productive member of society and teaching yoga! Our pornogrind specialist returns with a special guest of his own, and we get visited by an old friend! Featuring album reviews of Devour The Day, The Casualties, and Disturbed IN OUR VERY FIRST BATTLE ROYALE ALBUM REVIEW SEGMENT! Tune in for details!!

Recovering from the technical difficulties of last week here on ROCKENSTEIN, we have another minisode stuffed with 2 new scary stories and a funk coming from the Dungeon Master's toes that will give you nightmares! Join us, won't you, for another spine-tingling, blood-curdling feargasm? Featuring LupusCreepus' creepypasta, "Within the Darkness" and a special story "Rain Walkers" written by our very own Teddy Grimm!

HEY CREEPS AND GHOULS! ROCKENSTEIN PUT ME IN CHARGE OF UPLOADING THE MINISODE THIS WEEK! I'M BEING YELLED AT FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS.. Join me, The Dungeon Master, as I bring you two more chilling tales for your spinal discomfort!... They'll send a chill down the spine is what I'm trying to say. ANYWAY! This week we bring you The Beast in The Cave, by H.P. Lovecraft, and Kisaragi Station, by an anonymous author only known as Hasumi.

It's off-week here at ROCKENSTEIN, so you know what that means! No, we're not going to the carnival, for the last time stop asking. It means MINISODE TIME! We've employed resident creep, The Dungeon Master, to bring you two new works to chill you to your bones! Featuring: Annabel Lee, Edgar Allan Poe; The Music of Erich Zann, H.P. Lovecraft

HELLO FRIENDS! I am The Dungeon Master! Technical issues with the main show have popped up, so Mr. Grimm and Ms. 13 personally called me up to help out. No big deal. Join me as I bring to you two Tales of Terror as we delve into the darker side of ROCKENSTEIN. Bring fresh undies. Episode 7 will return with our Rockabilly episode next week!HELLO FRIENDS! I am The Dungeon Master! Technical issues with the main show have popped up, so Mr. Grimm and Ms. 13 personally called me up to help out. No big deal. Join me as I bring to you two Tales of Terror as we delve into the darker side of ROCKENSTEIN. Bring fresh undies. Episode 7 will return with our Rockabilly episode next week!

On this week's episode, we have a very sexy-er-special guest, Red goes through an identity crisis, and Grimm scratches his nuts in public. Featured Album Reviews: In This Moment - RItual, Lacuna Coil - Delirium, Halestorm - Vicious

This week on ROCKENSTEIN, Red and Grimm get more than what they bargained for when they run into some time machine troubles. Grimm likes it rough, and Red tries to kill us. Featuring album reviews by Horrorpops, The Creepshow, Elvis, and Koffin Kats!

On this week's episode we go to a bar! Red gets flirty with the waitress, Grimm crowns the kings of covers, we review The Interrupters, Bullet For My Valentine, and Nine Inch Nails, and we have a budding young author stop in to promote his novel! Don't miss it!

On this week's episode, we travel back to the mythical 1997 in search of music and bad decisions! Grimm meets a new foe, Red gets handsy with a new friend, we review Scream 2, In Flames, Radiohead, and Green Day in our very first flashback episode! If the cops ask, you never saw us.

NEW DAY, NEW EPISODE! This week's episode, we talk Ghost and Petscop, we review albums from Bleeding Through, Jonathan Davis, and Ghost, Grimm threatens an unwanted guest, and Red feels violated by our new Pornogrind consultant!

This week, we talk about death records, our special guest tries to assault Red, and Grimm gets drunk on Surge and Whiskey! you'll laugh, you'll cry, you may even tickle your poop sac!

This weeks episode we make super concerts (in our minds), review Godsmack, Shinedown, and Dimmu Borgir. Grimm loses his mind not so slowly, and Red Is assaulted by pop metal!!

Welcome to ROCKENSTEIN; Featuring your hosts, Teddy Grimm and Red13! Join the cast as they embark on adventures through time and space! Or sometimes, just shooting the shit and hanging in the office. It's always a good time with our many featured special guests and interesting topic discussions! Not to mention, commericals you can't find anywhere but here and also the lovely skit comdey! Sit down and enjoy the ride. A lllloooooootttt of dick jokes comin' your way.