The Weird Sisters Podcast

In this episode, The Weird Sisters theorize that the brain is a feelings bank, run by incompetent brain cells, that send your emotions into your body through the infamous deposit slip tube. You have a baby factory inside of you? F*ck you, keep it to yourself and don't bleed on our chairs. You are welcome, however, to surrender all of your PTO to bond with your new baby. You. Are. Welcome. Children, not that you asked but back in our day, the mail man hand delivered our Netflix from a warehouse and Pinterest was for crafts instead of a cauldron of envy soup.  This episode was inspired by: Love Block Sauvignon Blanc

In this episode, The Weird Sisters haven't changed one bit since the hiatus the universe bequeathed upon them. Please enjoy the below described intellectual subject matter: If you pick a font with some curly-swirlies, it means pirates. Your mother shutting the refrigerator door in your face was justified, due to the fact that you, yourself, were a bill and a poor investment that would only depreciate in value. And now, a guide to the only three types of bugs, and solutions to their occupancy in your house: Gross and crawly - Smush Chunky and crunchy - Swat Cute or will become a butterfly - Save As a side note, we find it odd that snails get their shells from sea life but also shrivel with salt. It seems like a design flaw but we are not lab coat boys. Be honest! On a scale of “Where have you been” to “Stop talking about bugs”, how much have you missed us? This episode was inspired by: 2019 Mer Soleil Silver Chardonnay

In this episode, The Weird Sisters have a need to parkour but are hindered by flashbacks of OB/GYN visits, the moment a scraped knee is involved.  Today, we say goodbye to the longest-standing TWSP recording studio, also known as Meagan's apartment and possibly half of her couch as well. Being underprepared for a move is a given as are the clumps of pet fur and dried cat vomit beneath your furniture. Impressing your movers is a pipe dream. Let it be gross. Kelsey's version of maggot food is a mouthful of mold hummus, Haley's version of mold hummus is weevil soup and Meagan's version of weevil soup are spider grapes. What is your favorite food ruiner and how much did you ingest?  This episode was inspired by: Brancott Sauvignon Blanc Thank you to The Crying Day Care Choir for the use of their song, Fuck It I'm A Flower

In this episode, The Weird Sisters have a question for you: would you rather eat an undesirable snack pre-maggot arrival or a desired snack post-maggot arrival? Before you answer, keep in mind that it may depend on how much you hate peanut butter and how much you like maggots. Nature calls one friend in your drinking buddy group to corral the others. If you look like a narc, that is probably you despite the fact that you're capable of some FAT bong rips. If your friends are dumb enough to smoke a bag of weed they found on the ground outside, that still makes you mommy. We love the “resting b*tch-face” term so much that it makes us barf our eyeballs out. If by some strange chance you hate it and would like to make the person trying to force you to smile feel as uncomfortable as you do, be sure to keep a fabricated horror story about your life in your back pocket. Or simply speak about the good news of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Preparation… that's a reason to smile, my b*tch-faced friends. This episode was inspired by: Cellar Classified Russian River Valley Chardonnay – Badenhorst The Curator White Blend – Francis Ford Coppola Director's Cut Chardonnay

In this episode, The Weird Sisters scoff at the idea of yacht owners overlooking an obvious plan to have their big boats built to symbolize how they acquired enough money to secure said yacht. Kelsey stops vaping cold-turkey and tries to replace the urge with a vacuum from Target but instead encounters an imaginary British woman that rolls her eyes at the absurd drinking age restriction in the US. If you've ever wondered why kids recover from certain death so easily, it's simply because they are jello people. If we were all jello people, there would be no weight restrictions on airplanes and monkey bars would be way less of a deal compared to others with bones. People with children really just couldn't afford the cocaine and hookers they wanted so they instead had babies and then made them beat all the other babies in push up contests. Of course if you are Elon Musk, you always wanted children so you could make your own Dune on Mars with your kid Bleep Bloop and the other hundred. This episode was inspired by: 2020 Maiden's Delight Pinot Grigio – 2014 Fleur Chardonnay – 2019 Le Coeur De La Reine Sauvignon Blanc

In this fish-forward episode, The Weird Sisters learn they all have the same oddly specific, anger-inducing opinions about how shrimp should be served. Please just do it right or risk being the object we scratch our argumentative bones on. Hoo-mered by a tuna-inspired wine, Meagan shares about the events that led to her getting the 69 talk from her mom as a kid. Word of advice: the birds and the bees talk should probably come first unless you're intentionally trying to confuse your offspring with a human puzzle. New to the office? Make damn sure you somehow learn all the unspoken rules, even though Glenda the bad witch took down the informative signs. Heating up fish in the microwave and using an entire head of garlic in your bowl of pasta are fireable offenses, you know! But we don't food shame around here - we're too busy arguing about Grand Moff Darth Tarth Tarkin and trying to figure out how to get our teeth on some anti-calcium lozenges. Turns out we can give you multiple ideas on how to deal with a Karen (some that include words and others that involve daddy tears) but we're sadly at a loss for how to not look like an idiot…and maybe that's the real reason no butterflies have landed on us in a long time. Boundaries up! This episode was inspired by: 2019 Le Coeur De La Reine Sauvignon Blanc – 2020 Maiden's Delight Pinot Grigio – 2014 Fleur Chardonnay

In this episode, The Weird Sisters get stereotyped as another hen in the brothel that only drinks Starbucks coffee and won't stop cluck-cluckin'. Our favorite door-to-door charity is back and represented by a worthless bro. We assure you that nobody you know is going to become possessed and kill you. However, there's no way we can promise zoo animals won't find your summer camp and kill you. If you find yourself in the center of such an encounter, please double check that it is not April Fool's day before writing out your last will and testament. Say it with us, “Pranks are okay but not in a traumatizing way!” The amount of lawful good you are is directly tied to how many times you are summoned to jury duty and judges don't give a damn about your anxiety. Do yourself a favor and throw that court order in the trash. Ghosting doesn't just work on your exes, the government can also take a hint. French alien wine got us a little extra weird today and we are pleased to let it out into the universe. Weird is literally our middle name. This episode was inspired by: Comarca Verdejo – Bonny Doon Vin Gris – Colorfast Sauvignon Blanc

In this episode, The Weird Sisters talk about songs that empower you to kick your brain into the next gear and beat the mean guy in your favorite video game – the second option being to waterboard yourself real quick. When you're fresh out of high school, anything impresses you. Who cares that your boyfriend lives in a kitchen? You are just one privacy curtain away from being able to shimmy-shake at each other, and that's adulthood. Magical thinking has us all in its grasp. Maybe one day we will truly have the abilities we seek and can finally put up that protective barrier, enabling us to buy our f*cking eggs in peace. We cannot tell you if Bloody Mary actually murders you since we all lied when we came out of the bathroom. If you tried it and it worked, let us know. This episode was inspired by: Old Soul Pinot Noir – Che Boludo Malbec Bonarda – Santa Julia Tintillo Malbec

In this episode, The Weird Sisters find the trade off that makes the nice Walmart a place where you are able to wear shorts. Was the lack of fabric on your legs repurposed to cover the shame of moving into the bottom floor of an MLM scheme? If we ever enter a second prohibition era, some trusty wine facts gave us the gift that keeps on giving: How NOT to make wine by NOT leaving it in a cupboard for 20 days. We obey the law in this house and especially in our cupboards. Misogynistic history clearly states that women are not allowed to drink now or even in death for fear that they will get drunk, hangout and bangout with their highschool boyfriends in the afterlife. This may not have been a fear for men if they had known that snake wine could finally cure their teeny weenies enough to be secure in their manhood. This episode was inspired by: Tragolargo Monastrell Red – El Savaje Cabernet Franc – Nomos Shiraz Sources used for this episode: https://grapecollective.com/articles/prohibitions-grape-bricks-how-to-not-make-wine https://www.dorasarchese.it/en/wine_fountain/ https://www.itineraridabruzzo.com/il-cammino-di-san-tommaso https://imperiumromanum.pl/en/curiosities/roman-women-could-not-drink-wine/ https://www.elliswines.co.uk/women-in-wine https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snake_wine https://theculturetrip.com/asia/china/hong-kong/articles/a-brief-introduction-to-snake-wine/ https://www.factinate.com/things/43-tipsy-facts-wine/

In this episode, The Weird Sisters invent new ways to express their needs, such as the Cupid Shuffle soundboard for anyone that likes to climax but doesn't like to sound bossy. Your how-to guide on Happy Returns has arrived. Got the wrong size undergarment? Put that judgmental employee in the PC hot seat and do what any self-respecting woman would do: blame it on your husband. Haley tries to prove how smart she is by actually doing homework and shares it with the class. It's sneakretly a C+, but Cs get degrees. This episode was inspired by: Crypsis Lodi Zinfandel - Ophidian Pinotage – Chateau Hautes Versannes 2010 Bordeaux

In this episode, The Weird Sisters get their minds absolutely blown by Exploding Head Syndrome: a symptom of anxiety which holds a title that spurs another layer of anxiety, leading to rolling explosions. However, you may be haunted if you are not exploding so please make an appointment with your local exorcist if you can relate. Get ready to meet the wine that tastes like a bouncy house full of Skittles that will fly up into your mouth as you jump. Foot sweat protected, gimp suits accepted. Don't worry mom, it's just for Skittles. Rhetorical question: If you menstruate, what is your go-to food for the crampies and why is it potato chips? Also, why do you tip the bag straight into your throat? This episode was inspired by: The Show Malbec – Folk & Fable Red Blend – Incarnadine Red Blend

In this episode, The Weird Sisters are forced to bring you another blast in the ass from the distant past. This is the next episode in the Dark Days Saga, sponsored in part by the omegatron variant and featuring a bonus Weird Sister! We have one friend and it's not Manda (iykyk). Having had her energy drained by the black sharpie troll, Haley almost fails to save her artwork from the fairy princess of animal stickers who comes only to hurl 1997 at your Pinterest projects. Not all children grow up as music losers, but we all certainly did. If it ain't “Tis of Thee”, what the hell is it? This episode was inspired by: Evening Mimosas

In this episode, The Weird Sisters clearly don't know how to be good little church girls…or maybe they do if Jesus' sense of humor was a slow burn “roast your ass” kind of sarcasm. Remember to wear your WWJJA bracelets and lighten up. Hey, babies. It's a wrap for 2021. We have had an embarrassing amount of wine and we still can't tell you what we like to drink. Our brains can't pick and choose what goes and what stays. It may be a new year, but we are still #notawinepodcast. We learned a lot about ourselves this year and so did the world. We get hot, we get sweaty and we overshare our bath habits. We are sorry and also, you're welcome.  Anyways, come learn about the wine that smells like f*ckin' pasta! This episode was inspired by: Rising Tale Carmenere - El Savaje Malbec - Zuccardi Malbec

In this episode, The Weird Sisters learn what Meagan's face smelled like last night, which was private theaters with secret passages. Too bad you're old and gross now and you can't fit into the fun room. Hey, friends. Words are hard so why not pick up a bottle or three of Mommy's Juice? It helps a bunch but it may lead to a lush existence and end with false, yet permanent lipstick. Surprise, surprise. The generation of kids that had candy cigarettes are now making solid points about how lowering the drinking age would give children the head start they deserve. However, no matter how great your head start is, nothing will prepare you for Spotify Wrapped putting your business on blast regardless of how cool you are. In fact, it will shed light on how all those good, good bops got put on the back burner in exchange for your favorite dirty jams. This episode was inspired by: Topsail Sauvignon Blanc - Sun & Rain Chardonnay - Domaine Ste Michelle Brut

We know you've all been dying to match our dumb words to our dumb faces, SO... you should come hang out with us on Twitch! We're going to be streaming on January 8th, 2022 at 5:00pm Central. Playing some games, answering questions from chat, being weird and anxious, and just generally BSing. Be our Champion and come chill with us! https://www.twitch.tv/theweirdsisterspodcast Be special, be weird, be THERE, and STAY there.

In a world where post-boning rules as the god of conflict, The Weird Sisters navigate their arguments with their significant others and/or pick fights with cute baristas when they're in the mood to take their big-girl pants off. Not even a million dollars would empower us enough to survive in the anxiety game show. Especially if it involves breaking into every individual established conversation at a party or trying to place a hot pan down, literally anywhere, on a counter filled by hoarder-level clutter. Everyone pretty much agrees that bewbs are great, including cleavage. The question is, why yes to chest cracks and no to butt cracks?  Kelsey encounters a BSing public printing boi with a messiah complex while Meagan ends up becoming an actual savior to a public printing gurl. This episode was inspired by: Decoy Cabernet Sauvignon - Angel's Ink Pinot Noir - High Note Malbec

In this episode, The Weird Sisters have interesting dentist experiences that may make you think twice about letting them stick their fingers in your mouth. Are Christmas cards really in existence because relatives love each other, or are they around so you can avoid having the exact same encounter with aunt Carol every two years? Last time she saw you, your nail beds were so teeny. So teeny, teeny, teeny. O' Holy Mariah Carey, you ruined Christmastime for some of us and made it extra special for the rest. We may never be full-on Christmas cult due to the bombarding nature of the season, but at least we all saved ourselves from getting sucked into the Christmas village money vortex. We cannot stress enough how much we are not a wine podcast, but our pallets have expanded far enough to know that nothing should ever contain feet.  This episode was inspired by: Storypoint Cabernet Sauvignon – Powder Keg Demolition Red – Imagery Pinot Noir

In this episode, The Weird Sisters talk about why you should schedule a purge day for your pent up assholery which may enable you to refrain from scoffing at Walt Disney's mistress's great, great bastard wearing a descriptive t-shirt. A few undesirable moments have occurred within our lives but, at the end of the day, all it really takes for you to redeem yourself from a bad situation is a phrase like, “I didn't know what to do”, “I am not a fool” or “I thought I was your Meagan for a second”.  Anyways, it's not like it was our kid, our trash can or our Meagan standing behind another Meagan…  A knowledge volcano bubbling up does not make us a wine podcast. It's the wine in the podcast that makes us a bubbling volcano. It is also wine that makes ⅔ of the ladies scheme but, if we're listing all the things that wine does, we will be here all night. This episode was inspired by: Candoni Pinot Noir – Revolution Malbec – The Other Red Wine

In this spooky episode, The Weird Sisters make their calculations on how the monster world should be run despite the fact that even watching one single horror movie leaves them with disturbing consequences. Why not just go ahead and lean into it with us and ponder the top three seasonal questions of all time: Beanie Baby stand or ghost? Ghost or child brain? Child brain too stupid to detect evil ghost? We know the headless horseman is scary but have no fear. Coven of love leader Haley Supreme is here (as well as Kelsey and Meagan Bell Grande). Survival orientation will begin shortly. In the meantime, here is a zombie gut bucket. Please smear it on yourself while Meagan practices her attack on our stump necked adversary. This episode was inspired by: Southern Belle Red – Vanishing Act Pinot Noir – Skulls Red Blend

In this episode, The Weird Sisters consume their last white wines of the season before moving on to red in hopes it will summon weather as cool as wearing sunglasses inside. Seems like the world has really been sh*tting on Meagan lately! Getting (almost) trapped by an anxious, badge-flailing solicitor and knowingly consuming some wasp coffins are basically just as bad as a child stealing a leaf of a tree that doesn't belong to them. Luckily, there is no judgement in the Weird Sisters' Coven of Love. Cheesus' blood wine forgives all. Friendly reminder: do not use your fingers for pointing, even if you witness Thor peeing wine. It's hella rude and your dad will not approve. Cheesus may forgive all, but he might not let you ride the Louisiana wave of righteousness if you commit such a deed. This episode was inspired by: Ciao Bella Pinot Grigio – Chateau St. Jean Chardonnay – Sound & Fury Chardonnay

In this episode, The Weird Sisters fight their alcohol debt by using grocery money for wine instead. They're also not huge fans of society, and the average life expectancy clearly needs to change. You should be young-young, old, young-old and then you willingly throw yourself down some stairs. Your bones are mostly jelly, anyways… Who created Earth? Is there a heavenly Shark Tank? We have ideas. Oh, what's that? A brand new, three-week-old listener question appears? If you wanted about five different sneaky/evil solutions, you came to the right coven. This episode was inspired by: Wines ‘Til Friday White Blend – Sacred Hill Sauvignon Blanc – Portillo Sauvignon Blanc

Hello, my good bois. In this episode, The Weird Sisters grace your ears in yet another cringe-inducing, word-slurring, drunken masterpiece of a dark days blur.  We stand by our opinions of Gwyneth Paltrow's jade egg and vag candle. May the scent matchers be ever blessed. This episode was inspired by: Word Vomit – Echo Chamber Recording Space – Reading the Label Like You Care What it Says

Hello again, and welcome to the birthplace of The Weird Sisters. In this episode, we find Meagan, Kelsey, and Haley as mere babes, struggling like hell to sound normal in the VERY FIRST episode they ever recorded but never posted. We were just three women and three entire bottles of wine that knew nothing about time management, aka, how to not record for six+ hours. Is it cringy? Yes. Is it dirty? Probably. Will it make you b o o g i e ? Also, yes. This episode was inspired by: Sweaty Anxiety Pits – Deep Intoxication – A Group Existential Crisis

In this celebratory 10th episode, The Weird Sisters think they've received a blessing in the form of a wrong number text but realize over time that it was certainly not ordained by Cheesus. We don't know if Manda is Manda or if Manda is Doug but the two things we know for sure is that Meagan didn't eat lunch and that only God, Jesus, and Mother Nature are real. Unless you are Haley who recognizes only God, Jesus, and Cheese. This episode was inspired by: Harken Barrel Chardonnay – Les Portes de Bordeaux Sauvignon Blanc – True Myth Chardonnay

In this episode, The Weird Sisters decide that everyone deserves a chance to look sh*t as a blonde and then dye it back in regret as long as it takes you sub 6 months to correct the disaster. The cure for imposter syndrome has arrived in the form of a sunglasses-induced power trip. After all, you can slide into any social gathering with grace as long as you approach with your sunnies on your face. Beware of accidentally inserting yourself into the breakup story of a young gentleman at your chiropractor's office. Do you really want to be a credit in that second-rate indie film? This episode was inspired by: Bonnete Blanc de France – Gran Passione Prosecco – Playtime Blonde Chardonnay

In this episode, The Weird Sisters explore how to mitigate a cat-induced reaction to an acquaintance's Instagram story and shower strategies for facing your fears and/or imaginary predators therein. Society may tell you to shave your body hair but challenges may occur when you comply. Keep it humble, leave the stubble. Here in our accidental rehab cult, we believe you are not defined by oysterman. You can leave when Kelsey says you're better. Come on and join the coven of love! This episode was inspired by: Ochavado Chardonnay – Brooks Pinot Gris – Oysterman Muscadet

In this episode, The Weird Sisters struggle to find the perfect excuse to get out of a party that demands to know your RSVP status ASAP. Our immature problems are not worthy of the leather-bound journals we purchase unless we can filter them through abstract thought, and what else can spur abstract thought better than a power circle of octopus arms? Haley agrees, a little too willingly, to take a double-shot of vodka without flinching and the pecking order reveals itself through the power of yawn. This episode was inspired by: Liquid Light Sauvignon Blanc – Beringer Bros. Chardonnay –Watchkeeper Dry White

In this episode, The Weird Sisters could possibly solve a murder if a certain online superstore would recognize menstruation at this time, but I guess someone else is gonna get the redacted bag of trash. Instead, we find that Kelsey is NOT denying her inner child even though every time a candy-shaped object falls into her fingers it is seconds away from being hurled from her mouth. Don't lose heart if you think you could be a creep. You could also just be Greg: the guy that body scans Meagan in the store and gives her outfit advice. TWS also answers their very first listener question. Find out if we're full of shit! This episode was inspired by: Dancing Crow Vineyards Sauvignon Blanc – Aegerter Chablis – Chalkboard Pinot Grigio Find out more at http://theweirdsisterspodcast.com

In this episode The Weird Sisters talk about the proper reaction to body smells, especially in regards to comparing your partner's face to cat piss. This is probably off-topic but brush your damn TEETH, friend. Meagan and Haley have a dire need to ask “What?” after the acceptable amount of times and Kelsey hates the fact that she's pretty but not nearly as much as she hates British plastic. This episode was inspired by: Prayers of Sinners Red Blend - The Last Room Primitivo - The Instigator Cabernet Sauvignon Find out more at http://theweirdsisterspodcast.com

In this episode, The Weird Sisters realize daily planners are a must if you would like to avoid dragging your un-cried body to a party. You could simply “wing” when you spend your care days but that's a gamble between you, your kid, and the zoo's lack of forever glass. Remember not to compliment your own shoulders and stick it to the king on the clothing throne. HarambeLives This episode was inspired by: Poggio Anima Belial Sangiovese - Projection Cabernet Sauvignon - Bonterra Vintage Young Red Find out more at http://theweirdsisterspodcast.com

In this episode, The Weird Sisters address the differences between being creepy, romantic, or just a pervy (possibly homeless) Russian woman. They will also provide ideas on what to do with your partner when you are having an impulse like stabbing yourself in the leg just so you can loudly declare that it is their fault. And here's a friendly suggestion: celebrate when your friend has their first EVER throat smell! Your time is coming, Dr. Loud...don't you worry. This episode was inspired by: Arch Revival Wine Co. Red Blend - Ruggero di Bardo Susumaniello- Cycles Gladiator Merlot Find out more at http://theweirdsisterspodcast.com

The Weird Sisters have a hard time coping with oddly specific anxieties and discuss possible hiding places for the coveted food items your mom brings home because you eat what you can get, b*tch. From shame-songs to Doritos, we have a few things to hide but they will most likely be stored in our sex drawers. This episode was inspired by: Psyche Cabernet Sauvignon - Mad Genius Red Blend - Root & Vine Red Blend (Spoiler alert: one of these does not actually feel like wine) Find out more at http://theweirdsisterspodcast.com

The Weird Sisters are here to teach you definitely helpful things like how to be born without anxiety, what you should be throwing into your friends' washing machines to make them feel the same panic you feel every day, and how each and every person is a winner. Wine is consumed and rated on custom 0-10 scales, Haley gets hot, Kelsey gets sweaty, and Meagan keeps slurring her words because we didn't know she had COVID. This episode was inspired by: Well Read California Red - El Libre Malbec - Ca' Momi Rosso Di Napa Find out more at http://theweirdsisterspodcast.com