ABFM

365ish days later ABFM in a non sports fantasy manifestation returns! I still haven't had to cycle to work in the snow yet. Given the recent weather it's more surprising that I haven't had to scuba to work yet. Shitty weather jokes aside you may struggle to understand me. That's because I seem to have an issue with my voice. It doesn't work. No idea why. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's probably cancer. If there's no Christmas episode next year it's because I died of throat cancer despite never having smoked in my life. Ah irony. Playlist August Burns Red - Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer Run The Jewels - A Christmas Fucking Miracle Teen Top - Snow Kisses Kenny Chesney - All I Want For Christmas Is A Real Good Tan Liam Lynch - My United States Of Whatever

Another slightly longer one after missing last week. All 3 of your standard hosts return though the clarity of Adam is a little shabby. Damn you internet! This week we chat. Scores, predictions and damn immigrants taking real American jobs.

Stoo and Matt again as the team utterly fail to organise themselves for one night a week. Potential hot topic of the month (Kangerlussuaq Victory) is barely touched... unlike a certain Eastern European lady friend last week. PSYCH! In other news the Fantasy Soccer is still going apparently as is the Pick Em.

The long awaited Wembley Special Edition Fantacast finally arrives. I say special edition because that makes it seem like it will be worth it. Mostly I just forgot to edit and post the thing. It is an hour long though to cover the week missed when we were at Wembley. This week we are joined by Matt to talk about his first experience of NFL Wembley and Scott to compare this years experience with last year. Long sentence. We also chat about who is terrible, Matts preference in female associates, a Kicker who only Adam will have heard of ideas for improving the league next season as well as briefly bemoaning the loss of EU Grifball. Scott also provides some sound effects.

Adam is back this week. He's dumping some BREAKING NEWS on us, though you will need to wait for a while before he drops it. As per usual we talk NFL, Premiership Fusball and also cycling. Particularity Matt's woeful cycling performances this summer. Later in the episode we sack it off and start talking youtube.

This week Nav stops by to tell us about her gross leg. Matt challenges Old Rich to a poetry slam and Taco struggles with Bot controlled teams. If we had a sponsor we would maybe mention it. But probably not because that shits lame. Besides we aren't corporate sell outs! Kanye West is a moron.

This week includes record breakers, music reviews, Cake vs Bortles, how to Irish, hot transfer news and Fantasy Soccerball. This week also features a distinct lack of Fuck Brady.

This is going out to the 12 members of the Beetle Vale American Football Fantasy League. The greatest American Football Fantasy League going. If your not in it get over it. We've decided to try some sports discussion revolving around fantasy potential and screw ups. This was the first time recording more than 2 people at once. As a result my levels were a little duff and I sort of warp in and out. It will be done properly next time.

These years. They wear on me. Did you know I cycle to work now? That's a thing I do. Still waiting for it to snow to see how I cope with that. Fortunately that hasn't happened yet. I know it's not impossible but living in South East Cambridge as opposed to say Quebec the chances of snow disruption to my commute are severely reduced. Even if it did snow it would be British snow so it wouldn't be a hassle anyway. Eoin, I didn't get a parcel from your mother yet. Is something wrong?

During one of the breaks I took whilst recording this episode I idly looked at the mouse I use with my laptop and realised it's the same one I've had since 2010. 4 Years is a long time to have a mouse. That reminded me that 2015 will be the 10 year anniversary of the formation of Alexander Beetle. The band for whom ABFM is named... That's something isn't it, that means there have been 9 solid years of references to Eoins mom!

There are times when you know something historic went down and you wish you could have been there when the person who first suggested something epic did it. Like that one time someone was in a board room somewhere and said "People, listen. This gun has to fly. I know that we don't have an aircraft it will fit into so we build an aircraft around it". That was quite some time ago and the A10 is now being forcibly retired due to American budget cuts. A more recent example of this would be another meeting in another board room. The genius stands up... "People, listen. We dress everybody up to look like Hank Marvin, even a dog. Stay with me guys, stay with me. Then we get Danny Dyer to narrate it". They couldn't even stand up to applaud. Ears bled.

You probably won't have noticed but we have now switched the naming format of our episodes. That would be because we ran out of chapters for the book we were using. A long time ago we ran a competition where the winner would choose the new book to use for the episodes... no one entered so now that we've hit that point I just pulled out a book at random. So welcome to our new book Ack-Ack Macaque. Merry Fucking Christmas.

You know what winds me up? When people write “I never know what to put in these” in the bio section of a social network page. Though of late I haven’t seen much of that. Maybe it’s an age thing. Maybe the fact that nobody reads bios any more so no one bothers to even write that. All I know is I always bother to write something in here. It’s really easy too. You just mumble something that at least is vaguely correct structurally and then list the songs that appear in the episode. Though the fact that MS Word is throwing a load of green lines under lots of the above text would indicate the structure is not as good as I had hoped… No need to worry about that now though, we’re at the song listing part!

I was going to get my Wife a Valentines gift this year. We don't normally do this because why should. I don't get here anything for the rest of the year so why should the 14th of February be any different? What I was going to get her was a really nice box and then fill it full of leaves. Then when she opened it and saw it she would go "What the fuck is this?" and I would go "I got that Bitch some leaves, cus Bitches love leaves" then I would have taken a photo like I did with that Burnt Face Man photo I took when she burnt her face. Apparently I'm going to pay for that. Going back to the leaves it seems my plan was foiled when I forgot that there are no leaves on the trees until like June. I really hate the South. Oh and Eoin, your mother is exempt from the buying shit on this day, there should be a bloke from InterFlora coming by at some point ;-)

Not as regular as the ABFM Christmas special or Eoins mom coming round my house but never-the-less still vastly important. The ABFM awards enters a second year and identifies almost none of what 2012 had to offer. I was looking for a good Ice Hockey advert and couldn't find any for this year. Then I remembered the season got locked out this year, just like the NFL reffs. You know who didn't get locked out? Ski Jumpers.

3 days ago today I thought about making today’s episode. Today I made today’s episode. I’m proud of this continuing distribution of telling you what I like. By the way I’ve been drinking Gin, podcast production works best this way. This episode is mostly Rock orientated. I Googled “Country and Western Christmas songs” but then closed the tab when I realized I could also Google “Enormous Boobs” So I did that instead. Jingle bells indeed.

10 months is a long time to go without an episode of ABFM. It might be more or less but that is the figure I'm settling on. But really you know whose fault it is? Yours. Literally less than 1 email containing nude photos of yourselves advertising your favourite podcast/radio show appeared in our inbox. Where's the motivation for us eh? Just be glad I found the Gangnam remix which appears at the end of the episode, that got me in the mood for sharing again... You do know that in the actual video the person dancing in yellow is a woman right?

I recently videoed a mug. Several weeks prior I videoed a trio of dancing moose. I once gave a speech about the plurality of a moose and now for the life of me I cannot remember what the official verbatim is, other than it's not meese. These is all a clever link into Christmas. You see it? No? Here I'll spell it: Mug -> Moose -> Canada -> Snow -> White Christmas. Now whilst I've kept you distracted with that I've pilfered your stocking. You didn't need any of that trash anyway. Just what I've left in it's place. A great big, steaming pile of ABFM Christmas episode.

Remember how we promised to upload a bunch of episodes all in one go? Well we only recorded two and forgot to upload the second (this) one after uploading the first. Well now we remembered so here it is. Though if you are downloading this any time in the future other than now this doesn't really matter. Get over yourself.

So internet has returned to ABFM. Though if were honest. This doesn't necessarily mean that ABFM will be any more frequent. Just that we can't use a lack of internet as an excuse for a lack of itself. Anyway, an episode. Playlist: Ashes Divide - The Stone Dirt Bike Annie - Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things Oh Atoms - Sugar Mouse Mollies Way - The Great Deciever And I Looked And Beheld A Pale Horse... - From Here I Can See The Stars Pagan Wanderer Lu - Memorial Hall

Before I forget, in the rush of revealing the big announcement that will be revealed about [redacted] through this episode. I forgot to mention that Eoin Redmond Vs. The World (the biographical series following Liviter Eoin around the Far East and Australasia) is available on both youtube and facebook. Do you think gay/lesbian people get turned on by their own bodies? In Soviet Russia ABFM turns on you.

ABFM's well documented Speech Impediment was ultimately controlled, if not eliminated, through the unorthodox therapy techniques of a half Australian, half British, half German guy in a suit. It is because of this miracle of alternative medicine that ABFM was able to lead its country though 6 long years of war to final victory.

So it turns out it's much easier to do an awards show than first thought. Essentially just think of things you liked and tell people they were good. It's like running a radio show with a different subject. Remember when I told you I knew better than you? Well now the various winners of the ABFM 2010 awards also are.

Website design is tricky for somebody who doesn't know how to do it. I know what HTML is and certain codes. Kind of like how people know how to say "Please" or "Goodnight" in Spanish. Although to be honest you don't need to know those words because the people you are saying it to are foreign and should learn English. I find knowing how to put a space between paragraphs is probably more useful. All that being said the ABFM website cannot be built on 'paragraph space' and 'bold lettering' alone. So episode 4 of ABFM will not be the first one hosted on a new website.

Take a look around your most Christmas-ised room. I'm sensing that amongst the glamorous decorations with flashing lights, high quality paint work, and delicate materials is something cheap, tacky and fairly ugly. This Christmas episode of ABFM is dedicated to that Christmas decoration.

I was once sat at a drive-through. I was trying to be funny, you know you pull up and the dude goes in that horrible tinny voice "Welcome to this fast food franchise what can I get you?" and so I'm like "Dude is this machine running?" and the chump at the other end is like "errrr..." and I yell "WELL YOU HAD BETTER FUCKING CATCH IT THEN!!!" then you stop your foot down and zoom off going "lololololololol". Except you don't because Episode 2 has nicked your car and already gone. So you're left standing in a drive-through and the guy you just pranked throws a milkshake at you.

I was one of the first in the UK to see The Expendables and my god I don't know what it was. But I'm pretty sure Sly ripped all of his ideas for that film from ABFM I mean we did the whole shooting down a helicopter with a shotgun two years ago. I'm also fairly certain that the idea of assembling a crack team of Hollywood action heroes was done in the Download special. That said the film did have one original idea. So were going to rip that from it. Fair is fair... This is how it starts...

A long time ago in a country far, far away the beginnings of the final episode of ABFM Season 1 was started. Then technology stepped up and went "Oh sorry that seems convenient and something you would like to achieve. We'll have to sort that out" and took away the episode. People were frustrated, 3s in fact wrote written complaints about the lack of Eoin's mom jokes in their lives. So here for you dear listener we present an interim, intermediary, indeterminate, in limbo episode of your favorite radio station of all time. Season 1 can't be finished so Season 2 can't be started.

So there I was sitting underneath a star when a second one appeared. The star gradual grew in size until I realised it was rushing towards me and that rather than being a celestial object it was in fact a godly one. There before me stood an angel who offered to me 1 gift. I did not need to think I knew exactly what I wanted. I asked for that wish no one else could have, that which no one else could dream of. The angel thought for a moment and then departed telling me what I asked would take more than a moments thought to come up with. 7 Days later he returned bring with him Episode 9.

See a pretty lady and tip your hat to her for a kiss. See an ugly politician and throw a lead brick at him wrapped up in Episode 8 of ABFM.

I been to mushroom mountain, Once or twice but who's countin', But nothing compares, To these blue and yellow purple ABFM Download Specials.

Knock Knock… Whose there? HIGH FIVE TO THE FACE! But seriously, now that you’ve wiped your face clean I’ve got some news for you, I was just going through some old filling cabinets and HIGH FIVE TO THE FACE AGAIN! In due course you will possibly learn to see it coming but in all honesty you probably won’t. Not when ABFM is so extreme and hardcore and in your face, HIGH FIVING YOUR FACE! Yeah like that. LIKE THAT IN YOUR FACE! Cool story Bro.

Hows this for some Golden Nuggets? You've heard about the he says, she says right? Well what they're all talking about is this. The newest podcast to give you the biggest headache yet. And whose that putting the crowbar in your earhole? That's right. A dual presentation. Get your follicles round this one.

Oi! You in the Corner! Yeah you! What are you doing? You don't know! Are you not aware that there is currently serious business underway? ARE YOU NOT! Well Douglas Bader is and he has no legs and doesn't afraid of anything! So you better damn well get in the know! We call it episode 6 of ABFM!

There was once a time when there was nothing. Before this time was Episode 4 then you listen to it and what else is there to do? NOTHING! In response the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster has seen fit to provide Episode 5. Actually I lie. No flying pasta did anything. It was all me and I am the focus of your attention. Especially for the next hour. So now there is something. You should probably listen because there will otherwise be nothing until next time.

Just like how every old East-Asian man is actually a Ninja master ABFM is back again with more crap metaphors, more references to Eoins mom and a hint of really bad concepts. Will Anna return next episode after the mistreatment in this one? Will Luke ever like decent music. Will Eoin ever provide a retaliation for the continual ribbing? None of these questions can be answered since you’ve not even listened to episode 4 yet let alone episode 5.

BOOM! ABFM back with a vengeance! Got your tampons strapped in? Good, ‘cus you’ll need em. Where is Microsoft Mary you ask? Gone until people want to know what comes after rule number 5 we say. Right nuff speaking. Load this Lumberjack up and spray sawdust everywhere!

Due to BT bringing major fail and suck episode 2 of ABFM is shorter by half an hour. This episode has been uploaded from the great state of Minnesota and is brought to you by the US Airforce.

The first episode of ABFM. The show includes news, sport, the rules of the internet and more. The set list is as follows: 1. Our New Hospital Sucks - Pagan Wanderer Lu 2. I Hear You Calling - Gob 3. Rent A Wreck - Suburban Kids With Biblical Names 4. You Are A Conductor - The Constantines 5. Salvation For A Broken Heart - Nullsleep 6. Luminous - Hall 7. Tribe - Mad Capsule Markets 8. Just For Tonight - One Night Only