Another World is Probable

I'm editing a fascinating book about judgment. I can't quote from it because, hi, it's unpublished and also not my writing, but I can talk about the general ideas and also quote from others. My client makes the case that when we judge other people, it's often because we aren't tending to the vulnerable parts of ourselves. The parts that need to be met with love and care. For instance, if I say, “He's so lazy,” it's likely there's a part of me that's sad because I long to rest. But instead of holding that grief – that I desire to rest and feel unable to do so – I'm projecting and calling that man lazy. And judgment of any kind, toward others or the self, breaks connection with our own heart, to paraphrase Tara Brach. More in this week's post.

I've had an interesting experience over the past month or so. People whom I thought I'd never see or talk to again have been resurfacing. Not one or two people, either – five. Folks that I haven't seen, talked to, or thought of in one year, two years, three years, five years have been popping up in unexpected ways and places. More in this week's post.

There's a Post-it taped to my bathroom mirror that says, “Remember: Life can be surprising and delightful.” I need this reminder because one of my trauma responses is hypervigilance. I'm constantly scanning for threats and waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. It's a survival strategy, but not a particularly fun one. Saturday was a sweet reminder that life can be surprising and delightful. More in this week's post.

I keep thinking about fantasy, delusion, and reality. A spiritual teacher I like was convinced Kamala Harris would become the next president. When Trump won on election night, she said, “Kamala won't concede! She'll ask that the election be investigated!” What interests me is not the content – people believe wacky things all the time – it's that she kept saying her intuition told her all of this was true.

We are every age we've ever been. That means there's still a 22-year-old, a 12-year-old, a 2-year-old, an infant inside us. Just because we physically age doesn't mean those younger parts disappear. They live within and they need the same things now that they needed then. My inner infant still needs to be held. My 5-year-old still wants to play. And all of my parts still need to be mothered. More in this week's post.

Lately, I'm noticing how the universe is conspiring on our behalf. The right people are showing up at the right time to help my friends. The things that seemed impossible are suddenly possible. And in my own life, this happened in a big way with my novel. More in this week's post.

My therapist told me, “Some things don't make sense, and sometimes suffering happens.” Ouch. Can that not be true? Thanks. It's interesting to notice how much I don't accept this perspective. I want a reason for everything. I want to know why.

In these times where I know we are the “magic wands,” that change happens because we make it happen, my desire to contribute is immense. It feels like if I'm not doing something, I'm letting the fascists win. But, well, my body needs a break. More in this week's post.

A friend sent a PowerPoint presentation about a professor holding a cup. The story goes like this: A professor walked into class one day and held up a cup of water for all to see. The professor asked, “How much do you think this cup weighs?” The students answered, “50g! 100g! 125g!”“I really don't know unless I weigh it,” the professor said. “But my question is, what would happen if I held the cup like this for a few minutes?” More in this week's post.

I didn't attend any of the rallies on April 5th because I panic in crowds. And while I know it's important to take care of myself – and I would have been a liability rather than an asset in that situation – it's bringing up a lot of feelings. Because I care so much about society, I feel like a bad person. What am I doing to fight fascism?!? Do I make a difference in this world even if I can't participate in the way I'd like? More in this week's post.

The other day, a bumblebee landed on my window and it felt like both a message from my Grandma Libele saying, “Hello, I'm here,” and a message of hope. She wanted me to know that joy and sweetness are coming.

One of my core wounds is around belonging. I would say that's a consequence of growing up as the “weird kid” but these days I think everyone has this wound. We all want to belong. To be clear, belonging is not the same thing as fitting in. As Brené Brown says, “Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.”

The most recent eclipse brought up so much for me – I cried buckets and let myself feel grief that had been buried for decades. In general, that happens during eclipses – people are more sensitive and emotional, and things that were hidden get revealed. It can be incredibly painful to look at something you didn't want to look at. It may also feel scary and overwhelming. What to do about that? More in this week's post.

Our society is obsessed with “overnight success,” but if you dig a little deeper, you will find that it usually takes years and years of hard work for a person to be successful “overnight.” I was reminded of that this weekend when I re-watched Mystic Pizza. Did you know Matt Damon is in that movie? More in this week's post.

Lately I'm oscillating between shock, dismay, dissociation, and fear. And I know I'm not alone. My social media feeds are filled with people talking about how to take care of yourself right now. They say things like, “Take a break from doomscrolling” and “connect with your community.” It's great advice and I've asked myself, “Do I also have something to contribute?” Other than what I already have I mean, namely my post from the other week about how we're the “magic wands”? The answer is yes. And here is the video I mention: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YptJ0Asexc.

The title of this post comes from a fascinating article I read in my university's alumni magazine. More than 15% of the global population – about 1 billion people – have been diagnosed with a physical, psychiatric, learning, developmental, sensory, or cognitive disability. And that number is likely to increase due to emerging diseases andnatural disasters. More in this week's post.

I celebrated my 17th anniversary of moving to California on Valentine's Day. I've been more emotional than I anticipated. Not so much that I moved here, that I still live here, but that I worked so very hard to create a life that I enjoy and works for me. I left a tearful voice memo for a friend saying for the first time in my life, nothing is actively wrong, personally. Politically on the other hand. . . I'm happy. More in this week's post.

I want a magic wand to make everything better. Or a Deux Ex Machina situation. Maybe some aliens to set us straight. More in this week's post.

Many cultures, especially in the West, treat Earth as a set piece, the stage upon which life happens. There's nature and then there's humanity. We're seen as separate and dominant. But as former NASA scientist James Lovelock stated in the 70s with the Gaia Hypothesis, we are not managers of the planet, we are the planet. We are a piece of the complex, self-regulating system. More in this week's post.

I'm the type of person who likes things to stay the same at home. I don't rearrange furniture for fun or swap out pictures to bring new life into my space. No. I have a poster hanging above my bed and when it gets old, faded, or ripped, I plan on buying the exact same poster and putting it in the exact same place. More in this week's post.

I have a truly wild story. About 13 years ago I lived in an in-law unit and the landlady wanted to show the apartment to potential tenants. I didn't want to be home and at the same time wanted to safeguard my valuables. The most valuable piece of jewelry I owned was a diamond pendant necklace from my Grandma Libele. She died when I was 13 and the necklace was the only physical thing of hers I owned so it was valuable for multiple reasons. More in this week's post.

I feel incredibly off. In large part, it's because I've been sick with a cold for the last nine days. Add in lack of sleep due to said cold, disruption at my apartment because of construction, Trump returning to the White House, the collective heartbreak around the LA wildfires, continued destruction of Gaza, and all the other tragedies in the world, and I want to pull a Rip Van Winkle. If I could go to sleep and wake up once everything is better, that would be great. More in this week's post.

Over and over again life surprised me with curveballs both good and bad. So instead of making lists of what I want to accomplish, I'm embracing something poet Mary Oliver said: “Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.” More in this week's post.

As I thought about how to close this year (last post of 2024!), the blog that kept coming to mind is one I wrote almost exactly eight years ago. So no, I'm not in Malibu, nor have I flown home from a retreat just yet – that happens on Wednesday – but the message is still relevant. Enjoy. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

The past few weeks I've toggled between wanting to do things my way and wanting to do things other people's way, with my inherent goodness at stake. My therapist encouraged me to change my definition of good to encompass living in harmony with nature and all created beings. She specifically told me to look up “walking the beauty way path,” a Navajo/Diné concept. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

I have a confession: I make mistakes. I know, that doesn't seem like much of a confession because everybody makes mistakes, but with the amount of shame and fear that comes up from admitting it, you'd think I stole money from little old ladies and kicked their dogs. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

On the heels of my post from last week about making new milestones, the phrase that keeps coming to me is, “Let go of the way you think things are supposed to be and embrace what is.” That's a big one for me because I have a lot of “supposed tos.” More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

If you're listening to this on December 1, today is my 40th birthday. I've had numerous feelings about this birthday. I've cried many tears about it because I'm not at all where I thought I'd be at this age. I don't have anything society told me I “should” have at 40 as a cis-het woman: I'm single, childless, and don't own a home. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

A friend sent me a podcast he created solely using AI and it freaked me out. By feeding a discourse into a language learning model, it spit out a realistic conversation between two “people.” From there I spiraled into “AI will replace me” territory because I'm not a plumber – I'm a writer. And then my higher power wrote me a letter. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

This has never happened to me before but last week a chestnut-backed chickadee pair flew to my living room window. One of them chirped at the sill as if it was talking to me directly. I exclaimed in delight at this tiny bird watching me as I watched it. The encounter reminded me of the power of joy. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

There seem to be endless ways that people are cruel to one another and I know many people are worried that the recent U.S. elections will embolden more of that kind of behavior. But people aren't only cruel, they're also kind. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

I had an interesting experience on Friday. I walked by the yoga studio where I used to host a weekly group meditation before the pandemic. I discovered the building is no longer safe to enter and has been stripped to its studs! I don't know if they're renovating the building or tearing it down, but regardless, I likely won't be in that yoga studio again. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

All week I've been thinking about how people are complicated and contradictory. A person can be a mass murderer and an excellent dog parent. A man can beat his wife and act meek at work. A woman can preach love and kindness and be sharp and cutting with her inner circle. Instead of trying to puzzle out which side is the “real them,” my perspective is it's all them. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

I watched a reality TV show where every single contestant wanted to boot off one guy. He was inept, mooched off other people, annoyed everyone, and was consistently in the bottom two. I kept waiting for him to be eliminated but he wasn't. That guy won the whole competition. It felt like such a fluke and reminded me of two sports stories. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

As I've continued to process the devastation in North Carolina from the hurricane, what occurred to me is love is here, too. It's the people who are helpers, but it's more than that. Love is all around, holding us in good times and bad. It reminds me of an experience I had in 2017. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

It's been heartbreaking for me to witness the news coming out of western North Carolina. I spent ages 6 to 12 just outside of Marshall and as an adult, many of my friends moved to the area and I've visited them. The whole thing is tragic and I've cried many tears about it. All of that is true. But what's also true is that quote from Fred Rogers. More in this week's post. And you can donate to www.amurtel.org. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

Related to my post from last week about accepting the mystery is a Sanskrit word: liilá. What we don't understand, what we can't explain, is called liilá but the more literal translation is divine play or sport. My spiritual teacher says, “The numerous ways in which the divine game of [Cosmic Consciousness] is being played is simply beyond human imagination.” More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

I want to know everything and if I could know it in advance, that would be great. As a journalist, this trait serves me – it drives me to keep asking questions and to understand whatever I'm writing about. In life though, well, I'm sure you can guess how this plays out, especially when life is doing its thing, i.e., being unpredictable and mysterious. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

When I take a zoomed-out perspective on my life since the start of the year, I notice numerous endings that led to beginnings that led to endings. There has been so much upheaval in practically every area of my life – health, finances, relationships, and where I live. It reminds me of a story from Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés' Women Who Run With the Wolves. More in this week's post. And here's the link to the animated version of the story I mentioned. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

Lately, I keep thinking about how I give my power away. A couple of years ago, I had an astrological reading and the person told me I would likely move in March, April, or May of this year. Starting in January, I was so nervous I would have to move unexpectedly because I wasn't making enough money to move into the sort of place I want to live. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

It's funny that the title of this post is “It Can Be Gentle” when this week has been anything but. It wasn't quite a Murphy's Law week where everything that could go wrong did, but everything that could veer off course before redirecting did. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

Growing up on Disney fairytales and romantic comedies, a part of me has longed for the “happily ever after.” The time of life when everything is set, all your troubles are behind you, and you get to revel in the good. I haven't surveyed every human, but I'm pretty sure this is a common response. However, like I wrote about last week, happiness is a behavior, not a time or place. And part of that behavior is being grateful for what is. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

A part of me believes that if only I had ____, I'd be happy. Or when ____ happens, then I'll be happy. It's one of the most pernicious lies that exists but I take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who falls for it. There's a reason we have about a billion books, podcasts, and courses on how to be happy – we humans don't really know what will make us happy. We think we know but we don't. Fortunately, there's been a lot of research on the topic. More in this week's post. And p.s., my Duolingo handle is kfpixie. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

An emotion I feel frequently is frustration and it's usually because people and situations aren't moving as fast as I'd like. I don't mean literally – I'm not a speed demon – I mean in terms of actions. A frequent complaint I have is, “Why is this taking so long?” More in this week's post, plus a letter to me (and you). --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

I'm a big fan of plans. I like organization and structure because it helps me to relax and feel safe. This past week though, boy, am I feeling the punchline of that joke, “How do you make God laugh? Tell her your plans.” Nearly all of my plans were scuppered, dashed, and any other word you can think of that means “didn't work.” More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

I love astrology for many reasons but one of them is that it offers me perspective. Starting in 2008, Pluto entered the sign of Capricorn and proceeded to show us the dark underbelly of themes associated with that sign: money and power, primarily. But now it's moving into a new sign. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

This morning I dreamed a seashell the size of a baby whale was sucked back into the ocean, despite my best efforts. I held on to the rim of the seashell and tried to swim back to shore with it. Two-story waves kept crashing over my head leaving me gasping for air. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

Francis Weller writes in his book The Wild Edge of Sorrow that on a trip to Burkina Faso, he remarked to one woman that she had a lot of joy. Her response was, “That's because I cry a lot.” I keep thinking about that because I notice sometimes the people who are the most joyful, vibrant, and alive are also the most depressed and even suicidal. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

Cycles are on my mind because things from my past are looping back. I ran into someone I hadn't seen in seven years. The clothing from when I was a teenager is making a comeback. We're again having a Trump/Biden showdown. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

I tend to gaslight myself. Many people use that term without knowing what it really is so to be clear, gaslighting means denying reality. I perpetually question whether something occurred, if it's really true, or if I'm deluding myself. More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support

The past week has been a huge lesson in humility. I don't mean humiliation or low self-esteem. The word “humility” originates from the Church Latin word humilis, which literally translates as “on the ground.” Other words that mean “Earth” are also part of the etymology of “humility.” More in this week's post. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/another-world-is-probable/support