Give Grace

“Grace is truly amazing isn't it? A miracle that none of us deserve, but that we are all blessed to receive. It holds so much potential for empathy, healing, and comfort. It calls out to each of us, beckoning us to accept it for ourselves and share it freely with others. I hope that my story has helped you see how big a role grace can have in each of our stories. We will all walk through dark times that feel too difficult to bear, we will all mess up and desperately need forgiveness, and we will all do things that leave us feeling ashamed or stupid or small. And those things aren't a matter of if, but when. Life is hard, but grace is the balm that we all need during those times. I wish I could hold your hand through it all. But, luckily, even during the times you might feel most alone, you never are. God is always with us. Even when we turn away from Him, curse His name, or unload our anger at His feet, God will never leave us. His love for us will never fade or falter. His grace will never stop covering us. How lucky are we? I want to encourage you to look around your life and see how you can intentionally give grace the way that God does. Grace that truly listens instead of rushing in to talk. Grace that celebrates our differences instead of erasing them. Grace that validates our feelings instead of judging them. Grace that forgives, even when we don't deserve it. Grace that loves us at our worst. Grace that heals the deep wounds and smooths out our old scars. Grace that helps us find new ways forward together. If we could all do that, can you imagine how our world would change for the better? How much more love and understanding there would be? Grace has always been the secret key to connecting deeply with one another, so let's use it. Unlock your doors and windows and throw them open wide, let God's grace stream out through you to anyone who needs it and everyone who wants it. When you let grace out, you also open the door for grace to come in. Funny how that works, isn't it? The more you give, the more you receive, and the more you receive, the more you have to give. So go out there and live a life with abundant grace by giving grace however and whenever you can. I'll be cheering you on the whole way!” - Conclusion of Give Grace I want to leave you with 3 truths and 3 tools. You are not alone. If you feel alone, join our free online community. https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/ You can overcome this. If you need help doing that, grab the Overcome Journal. https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ You can find so much grace, hope and joy in the middle of this storm. If you need to know how, order my book. https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook Links: Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

“I had allowed my desire to become my hope. I think we often confuse the two when, in reality, they are very different. Desire is what a person wants. But a desire's strength is inconsistent; it rises and falls with human emotion. Biblical hope is the confident trust that God will fulfill His promises. Biblical hope is steeped in grace. The strength of biblical hope rests on the faithfulness of God Himself. Through His grace, we are blessed with miracles whether we deserve them or not. Doesn't that just give you chills in the best way? None of us are owed a thing by God, but He pours His grace out to us anyway, blessing richly and fully. How lucky are we? Still, despite knowing all of that, we continually place our hope in all the wrong things. Even the best of things—doctors, jobs, relationships, our kids, love—aren't God. And when we place our hope in temporary things that can never completely or indefinitely satisfy, we will always be disappointed. The sad part of this story is that I knew better. I knew where my hope should be. I knew that hoping in the wrong places led to heartbreak. But I got lazy. And I got busy. I allowed the busyness of raising my boys, being a coach's wife, and running a business to be an excuse not to be faithful in my walk with the Lord. My quiet times rarely happened, but I had all the excuses, of course. And when I did spend time with God, those times were filled with so much distraction. Once again, I was living on borrowed faith. I was using the best doctor at the best clinic, and our embryo had a good quality score. Check, check, check. I checked the boxes off in my head and mapped out the plan for how it all would go. My plan. Not His plan. I wanted to have a third baby around the time when the boys would turn three. I liked that age gap. I wanted to deliver in early summer, so Blake would be home more to help me. We made all these decisions around what worked best for us without even asking God what He wanted for our story. We took back the reins and were writing the story of how we wanted it to go. Our hope was not in Jesus. Our misplaced hope was staked firmly in our plan. So afterward, then the transfer failed and I wrestled over my numb heart, I began to pray and cry out to God. Why this same heartbreak again? I'll never forget the moment when I stared at my miracle twins, and I felt this truth so clearly placed on my heart. I couldn't stop thinking, They were not my plan. Over and over that phrase went through my head. My plan was to have our first baby seven years ago. My plan was not IVF. My plan was to get pregnant the first time we tried. They were not my plan. They were His plan. Every part of my boys' lives was not my plan. I never wanted twins. I didn't want to give birth in August as Blake and my mom started back to school. God's plan was hard. But as I sat there on that couch snuggled up to the cutest miracles I've ever seen, none of that hard stuff felt heavy anymore. Why? Because God got me through it all. As I hugged my babies and tears fell down my face, the fog lifted and took the numbness with it. In that quiet and sweet, still moment, God reminded me in the most gentle way that these tiny little faces I get to look at every single day were never part of my plan. But they were always part of His plan. If I had to do it all again, I'd choose His plan every time. How had I forgotten this? I beat myself up over this for a while. But no matter how long you've been walking with God, you can get distracted and forget the lessons you worked so hard to learn. When you aren't faithful in the little things, your heart becomes more susceptible to the lies, and you start placing your hope in things that will never satisfy. I cannot place my hope in my plans. I must seek Him, walk with Him, trust Him, and allow Him to direct my path. I have to place my hopes in the One who never disappoints and is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Luckily, God's grace has us covered. He wi

The other side of infertility is a strange place. And it's a place that I was not expecting to be so blindsided by fear. It's something that people do not talk about enough. Whatever your other side looks like (becoming pregnant, adopting a baby, adopting an embryo, etc), there is still doubt and fear and trust issues there. If we don't deal with the fear now, it will rob you of the joy on the other side. The fear and worry keeps you a place of longing for the next thing and it takes away the joy of today. But then you get to the next thing and it's not enough. You still feel the worry and fear. Here are some practical tools to fight the fear on the other side: Write down the facts. Positive test, hcg numbers, test results, etc Standing on the facts of today helps prevent you from spiraling down the path of toxic thoughts. “I am pregnant today. That's all I know and no one knows what tomorrow will hold.” Scripture. Memorize it. God's Word is a sword, a weapon to fight our battles. There is a reason that Scripture memory is a powerful tool. When a thought comes in your head, recognize that it's fear and not facts. When the lies creep in, we have to be able to recognize it and combat it with facts and truth. The more you do this, the better you will get at recognizing the signs of the beginning of the spiral. It's more about who you are becoming through the decision making process. In marriage, these weighty decisions can bring you together or tear you about. This process can also bring about some really ugly things in our hearts. Unity should be the goal in decision making if you're married. How are we working together? How are we trusting God? How are we surrendering the outcomes? How are we resting in the fact that we knows our heart and is sovereign in all things. Plan something fun while you wait on the next thing to make the days go by faster. I was not prepared for the fact that there is still so much waiting on the other side. Laughing together and having fun with your spouse has a way of lightening the load we are carrying. Encouragement from Chapter 5 called Grace Filled Thoughts: “When you are in a period of waiting, it can be so tempting to try to take control of the situation and force a solution. I often thought about the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar. Even though God had clearly told Sarah the promises for her future child, she was sick and tired of waiting. So she took matters into her own hands and told Abraham to have a baby with Hagar. As much as I want to judge Sarah for that choice, I can so relate to her desperation. Waiting on God is hard, and she waited a whole lot longer than I did! But taking control isn't grace. Thinking you can do better than God can isn't grace. There is so much beautiful grace in the concept of surrender. Surrendering your desires, your heart, and your plans to God is living in grace, trusting that His desires and His plans for you are the ones you really want.” - Give Grace book Links: Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Decision fatigue is real . So much of infertility and the treatment options that are available fall into the grey area of life and of Christianity. The list and depth of the decisions on this road are daunting. I love clarity, but so often we don't get. Walking this road, especially the road of IVF, challenged me to create a decision making process and put rhythms in place to avoid decision fatigue. I did not create this process or these tips. I've learned from others that are a season ahead of me about what it looks like to make hard decisions with confidence, even when the road ahead feels so unclear. I hope these tips help you on your decision making journey. Sometimes we won't get clarity. Clarity cannot be our end goal. In the decision making process, it's often easy to idolize clarity. While I think it's important to do the work to seek clarity in the decision, we ultimately have to trust that God is sovereign in all things. Sometimes there isn't a right and wrong choice. Sometimes both choices are good and it comes down to personal preference. In the hard decisions where there isn't a clear right answer, I pray hard for open and closed doors. God says come to me and I will give you rest, not come to me and I'll give you all the answers. This is one of the really hard things about living on this side of eternity. There are a lot of things in this world that I wrestle with and don't understand and wish I had more clear direction from God on. This is when trust comes in and walking closely with God. It's more about who you are becoming through the decision making process. In marriage, these weighty decisions can bring you together or tear you about. This process can also bring about some really ugly things in our hearts. Unity should be the goal in decision making if you're married. How are we working together? How are we trusting God? How are we surrendering the outcomes? How are we resting in the fact that we knows our heart and is sovereign in all things. Fear is usually about something deeper. My challenge for you is if you are feeling paralyzed by fear, dig into that and allow God to reveal what is going on in your heart. Decision Making Tools: Seek wise counsel Prayer & fasting Getting still before God Set a decision deadline Pros / cons list Expert vs consultant roles Encouragement from Chapter 4 called The Grace of Your Story: “But even in the midst of all of that darkness, there was always a light. Each time another wave hit, I was faced with a decision. Do I believe God is who He says He is? Do I believe His promises are true? And if I say I do, how does that look in my life? Does my life match what I say I believe? Doubt crept in. Fear crept in. Shame crept in. I realized I needed a new game plan. I had been assuming life would be easy and good with only a few struggles peppered in. But that is not what God promises in the Bible. We aren't promised easy or good. In James 1:2, James says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.”Not if, but when. I realized that I would always be mad and frustrated and feel resentful toward God if I kept believing that struggles were going to be rare. I needed to embrace the idea that there would always be struggles. I needed to look at my tory not as a “happily ever after” situation, but as an on going series of battles that, handled with faith, would grow and shape me to be more like Jesus. So that also meant that I needed to reframe the concept of grace in my mind.” - Give Grace book Links: Making Decisions podcast episode by Audrey & Jeremy Roloff: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/behind-the-scenes/id1441970779?i=1000426052579 Making Decisions with Liz & Ben Bohannon: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/behind-the-scenes/id1441970779?i=1000452753923 Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook If you love this podcast, I'd really ap

When you are walking this road and your heart is feeling weary from another failed round of treatment, it's easy to want to avoid the pain and jump right back into another round. This is my classic go to strategy to avoid feeling the things: just fill my life with busyness and it won't hurt as bad. Spoiler alert: it doesn't work! I want to share with you all the beautiful things that came from our time of paused treatment. Pausing brings healing. For us, taking the time to pause gave me the space to process my emotions and face the grief. Pausing allows you to be still and hear from God more clearly. There is a direct call in Psalm 46:10 to be still. It's so important to block out the noise, get still, quiet your mind and heart and allow yourself to hear from God. Pausing gives you time to find the best clinic. It's so hard to stop treatment to look for another clinic, but sometimes this decision is the best choice. Pausing allows you to catch up / get ahead / plan ahead financially. Paying for a baby is not how it's supposed to be, but unfortunately it is the reality for some of us. It helped me feel like I was being proactive while I waited to work on mapping out a financial plan to pay for our next round of treatment. Pausing gives your heart a break and a chance to rest. Rest is not wasted time. Encouragement from Chapter 4 called The Grace of Your Story: “We are not in control of most things that happen in our lives. We want health, but we are handed a life-threatening illness. We want financial security, but we can't find a job in our field. We want marriage, but we find ourselves single. We want to make our flight on time, but an accident delays us. None of those things are what we would have picked, and we can't control them, but we can control our attitudes about and our responses to our circumstances. I learned the hard way that my negative words and attitude were not the way to give myself grace. So now when I'm challenged, I take the time I need to process or grieve the situation, and then I act on the naming rights I've been given. I choose to shift my attitude, to lean into what God is teaching me, to open my eyes to the blessings in my life, and to give this circumstance a positive name. And you can too. You can take the label you've given yourself or that others have tried to put on you, and you can change it. You can take back your naming rights. Attitude is a choice we must make every single day, sometimes multiple times a day.” - Give Grace book Links: Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Having babies should be fun and free. If you're walking this road, it's likely neither of these things for you. The financial strain that fertility treatment can put on a couple just adds to an already incredibly hard road. In this episode, I introduce you to my friend Adam Parsons. He's a financial coach over at AP Financial Coaching. Adam and his wife Michelle went through IVF in 2020 at CCRM and just welcomed their precious miracle girl. Over the last year, Adam has become a friend and a trusted resource as we have developed a lot of financial tools to help other couples walking through IVF. We cannot wait to share those tools with you this year. If you haven't listened to episode 14, go listen to that first. Once you've mapped out a financial plan, then it's time to work toward your goal. Here are Adam's tips: Focus on consistency over perfection. Do the work on the front end so that sticking to the plan becomes as mindless as possible. It's about the pursuit and who you become through that pursuit. You will feel frustrated in this process. Step away when you need to but come back to the table. Progress happens in the coming back. Revert back to you why. When things get hard and you are forced to make sacrifices, this will help keep you encouraged as you work toward your goal. Get others involved. Make sure you and your spouse are teammates in this journey. Get friends and family involved to keep you encouraged. Encouragement: “If you have your plan in place, I want to encourage you to just keep going. That consistency and the coming back are so important. It's really hard. If you are feeling the weight of that and don't know where to turn, get others involved. You've done the hard work to create your plan and now it's time to just keep going. If you need help, get someone in your corner that can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.” - Adam Parsons Links: Get coached by Adam: https://www.apfinancialcoaching.com/ Pursuit podcast episode: https://youtu.be/PdXNl-k5Acw Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Having babies should be fun and free. If you're walking this road, it's likely neither of these things for you. The financial strain that fertility treatment can put on a couple just adds to an already incredibly hard road. In this episode, I introduce you to my friend Adam Parsons. He's a financial coach over at AP Financial Coaching. Adam and his wife Michelle went through IVF in 2020 at CCRM and just welcomed their precious miracle girl. Over the last year, Adam has become a friend and a trusted resource as we have developed a lot of financial tools to help other couples walking through IVF. We cannot wait to share those tools with you this year. Here are Adam's tips to map out a financial plan for treatment: Know where you are. We can't create a plan to get where we want to be until we know where we are now. A great tool is a net worth statement or a “where are you now” statement. Setting a budget also helps you determine how much money you have available each month to put toward treatment. Download Adam's free budget template here. Understand your why. Be specific. It needs to be more detailed than just “I want a baby.” Use this time to set good financial habits and work together toward a greater goal. Use SMART goals: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic & timely Automate as much as you can. Save first. Create a plan. Then, automate the plan. Encouragement: “The first thing I would encourage you to do is to focus on that why. That is a very important piece. It seems small because you know what your why is internally, but sitting down with each other and writing it out will be the cornerstone that you can come back to when things get hard.” - Adam Parsons Links: Get coached by Adam: https://www.apfinancialcoaching.com/ Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

If you are here, it's because you love someone walking through infertility. I want you to know that you are doing the right thing by taking the time to be here to listen and to learn about how you can better support your friend, sister, daughter and/or daughter in law. I know that you may feel confused about the things she is feeling or not quite understand why she seems so closed off. I know it may seem like you're never saying the right thing or doing the right thing or being the kind of support she needs and that probably feels frustrating. I know that you've probably wondered why she can't “just snap out of it” or “be happy for them” or “move on from this.” My goal in this episode is to meet you in your frustration and provide some more context and put words to the things she is experiencing which will hopefully give you a little bit more empathy and understanding for her pain. I also hope to give you very practical and helpful ways that you can love her well in this storm. Before we get started, I want you to know that your relationship matters to her and I know it matters to you too. You wouldn't be here otherwise. You will not do everything perfectly or always say the right thing, but never stop trying. There is so much grace for the moments your words or actions just don't come out the right way. Don't let the fear of choosing the wrong words prevent you from continuing to try. You can do it! Here are my tips: Listen more than you talk. This is the single best thing you can do when a friend is walking through a hard season. Be unselfish. Approach the relationship with a servant attitude. When a friend is in a season of grief, it's not possible for her to invest in the relationship like she could before this. Have zero expectations and mean it. When you are in a season of grief, you aren't emotionally capable of all the normal things. Let her off the hook and give her the freedom to do what she can. Choose your words carefully. As you listen first, let your words be prayerfully guided by where she is emotionally. Let her know it's ok to cry. She needs a safe place to be able to let her guard down and her emotions out without fear of judgement. Encouragement from Chapter 12 called Grace in Friendship: “I listened to an episode of Emily P. Freeman's podcast, TheNext Right Thing, and she talked about a listening exercise she participated in as part of a retreat. Someone sat in the hot seat and this person was “the talker.” Everyone else was to listen with these guidelines: Don't make a statement. Don't quote Scripture. Don't offer to pray. The only thing the listeners were allowed to do was ask questions. The first person got in the hot seat, and Emily struggled not to give compelling advice, relate the speaker's story to her story, or to give comfort and perspective. It was a challenge for Emily to just listen instead of speak. As a listener, Emily described the experience as very unsatisfying because she felt like she hadn't helped the person. But the person sitting in the hot seat looked relieved. When it was Emily's turn, she shared a story and the listeners asked a first, second, and third question. When her time was up, Emily realized no one had offered any advice, answers, solutions, or personal anecdotes. However, she described feeling more understood and cared for than she ever had been when it came to this particular situation. Wow! What if instead of interjecting yourself into the situation, you listened and gave people the space to think about and process how they're feeling? Try it. I think you'll be amazed at what it does for your friendships.” - Give Grace book Links: Get my guide for loving someone well through infertility: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/i-love-someone-facing-infertility Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and lea

Very early on in my infertility journey, I realized there were three types of people I would encounter. Someone that doesn't get it and doesn't try to get it. These people can be very toxic to your heart, so I'd recommend putting up boundaries and loving these people from afar. Someone that doesn't get it, but tries really hard to understand. Keep these people close because they are incredibly valuable. They will not always say the right things, but it's easy to give them grace because they care deeply and they try hard. Someone that gets it because they too have walked this road. The value that someone brings to your heart when they can raise their hand and say “me too!” is deep. Even if their story is different, there is an immediate understanding and validation of the pain you are feeling. If you don't have someone like this in your life, join our free Sisterhood community. Here are some helpful tips on finding safe people in your life and the value they bring: You have to mute all the noise. Figure out who you can trust and let those people in. Remember that ultimately it's yours and your spouse's life. You get the final say. Your safe people are going to point you to God's truth, offer wise counsel and love you no matter what you decide. Give lots of grace to your safe people when they say the wrong thing. When you find your safe people, be vulnerable and let them in. Encouragement from Chapter 12 called Grace in Friendship: “My experiences with two very different friends, Koral and Becky, during the hardest season of my life so far have taught me a lot about friendship. The types of friendships I want to have and the type of friend I want to be. What kind of friend do you want to be? I want to be the kind of friend who shows up for my people. I want to be the kind of friend who reaches out, even when I have no idea what to say. I want to be the kind of friend who apologizes quickly when I say the wrong thing and learns from my mistakes. I want to be the kind of friend who's willing to roll up my sleeves and jump headfirst into the good, the bad, and the ugly of my friends' lives. I want to be the type of friend who loves people through the fullness of grace that flows from my heart. And that's the type of friend I want to have too” - Give Grace book Links: Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Getting a second opinion was the best clinical decision that Blake and I made in our infertility journey. It changed the trajectory of our story. In a simple phone call, I was able to have Dr. Schoolcraft review my records and ask him all the questions. I very much valued his opinion because he didn't need my business. He is a world renown doctor and he cares about his success rates. For these reasons, I trusted his opinion and felt confident that he would tell me the truth. I needed to hear from him that he thought he could do things differently and that the results would be different if we came to CCRM. I'm sharing my thoughts on when and why I strongly recommend scheduling a phone consultation at CCRM in Lone Tree, Co if you are feeling stuck clinically: If your doctor / clinic doesn't have something different to offer you for the next round of treatment, get a second opinion and/or leave. If your IVF treatment has failed, get a second opinion. The time it takes to find the right clinic is not time wasted. You have nothing to lose in getting a second opinion (other than time). I believe that the clarity and confidence you'll gain in finding the right doctor is worth the time lost. You can get a second opinion remotely. It's called a phone consult. If you don't know who to call about getting a second opinion, I highly recommend my friend Dr. Lauren Ehrhart at CCRM in Lone Tree, Co. Call 303-788-8300 to book your consult with her. Encouragement from Chapter 2 called Grace Through the Storm: “If this is where you are in your story—staring down a dark, uncertain path, unsure if you even have the courage to take the next step, please don't give up. Does the road feel lonely? Are you looking around and it seems like everyone else is living different, better lives? Lives full of dreams achieved and plans working out flawlessly? Lives full of productivity and joy and ease? And yet here you are, feeling left behind in a puddle of disappointment. Comparison, doubt, shame, fear, and anxiety can consume your mind and your heart as you wait and wait and wait for it to finally be your turn. You feel stuck. That was me for four years. If I could go back in time and talk to the me then, living in that stuck time, I would give her the biggest hug and then tell her to give herself grace. I would tell her to give herself grace in her grief and to cry when she needs to. I would encourage her to give herself grace in the blame game she's been playing and forgive herself for her past mistakes and messes (which have nothing to do with her infertility).I would tell her to give herself grace in her loneliness and that it is okay to share her pain with her friends instead of pretending to be strong. I would encourage her to give grace to those same friends, the ones who love her but don't knowhow to help, what to say, or who say all the wrong things. I would repeat it over and over again until she listened. Grace. Grace. Grace. Grace. Because if she had known then what I know now, she would have seen that she wasn't stuck; she was preparing while she waited. She was taking tiny baby steps that the world could see, but gigantic leaps in her heart and soul.” - Give Grace book Links: CCRM - https://www.ccrmivf.com/colorado/ Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

When we were finally ready to try for kids, it was heartbreaking to see that same negative test result over and over. Nothing like finding out this news, both positive and negative, on the toilet, right? After we had been trying for about six months, I just knew something was wrong. I was scared to take the next step, but I knew we needed to pursue testing. If this is where you are in your story, I have some encouragement for you! If you feel like something is wrong, go get tested. Testing provides information. Information can provide answers. Information and answers help us make more confident decisions. It's ok to be scared, but take the next step anyways. Your OB is a good place to start, but they are not a fertility specialist. If you aren't getting the answers you need or want, go somewhere else. Not all clinics and doctors are created equal. Encouragement from Chapter 1 called We Can Do Hard Things because God Can Do Hard Things: “At my very first Passion Conference, a Christian conference for college students, I heard Francis Chan speak. He told a story about a time when he preached a sermon and afterward someone told him that he looked refreshed. As Chan walked away, he thought to himself that he didn't want to look refreshed. He didn't want his life to be so easy that he had plenty of time to be refreshed. He wanted to look tired and worn down because he had been busy fighting a battle for God. He wanted to spend all of his time fighting bravely and boldly for the kingdom. So he began praying that God would bring him battles to fight. He didn't pray for God to take away struggles from his life; he prayed for God to give him battles and the endurance to overcome and persevere. Wow. I knew in my heart that I have never been brave enough to utter such a prayer. But I wanted to be. What would my life look like if I had that attitude? What if I welcomed hard things with open arms because I was so ready to put on the armor of God and fight? Those battles, the hard things, more than anything else in life, help us become who we were always meant to be. The fact that we are able to learn and grow and change and become wiser through hard things is a privilege. It's a chance for our faith to become deeper as we strive everyday to become more like Jesus—I mean, whoa, right? What a gift. Those hard things that give us that gift, well, I'd say they are a form of grace too. One I'm very thankful for.” - Give Grace book Links: CCRM - https://www.ccrmivf.com/colorado/ Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Going through struggles like infertility can either make your marriage stronger or it can drive a huge wedge between the two of you. It's a battle every single day to prioritize each other when you're feeling so down, lift each other up and make decisions with unity. Here are some things that helped us fight for each other on the darkest days. Recognize that it's no one's fault. Approach everything as a team. Give your spouse the space to grieve like they need to. Find ways to laugh & have fun together, even on the hardest days. Communicate about where you are and what you need. Encouragement from Chapter 7 called An Attitude of Grace: “In marriage and in life, it's so important to focus our time and energy on watering our own grass. If someone else's grass looks greener, it might be simply because they are watering and caring for it consistently. One of the ways that Blake and I do this in our marriage is to take time away from the kids to observe each other in our element. I knew I wanted to marry Blake when I went to watch him during his student teaching. Watching him pour his heart out for those kids, I knew he'd be the best dad. And he is. So, even now, my favorite thing to do is to go watch Blake coach his basketball team. Watching him in his element doing what he was created to do ignites my love for him all over again. It reminds me that the work he is doing outside of our home matters so much. Water the grass you are standing on with grace. Pluck the weeds. Mow faithfully. Meticulously trim the edges so there is room for love and gratitude to grow. Be faithful where God has you. Whatever is causing the seeds of discontentment and bitterness to bloom in your heart, root it out so that you can spend time making your own grass extra green.” - Give Grace book Links: Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

After our failed IVF, my mom ordered me the book called It Starts with the Egg. It was in reading this book that I heard Dr. Schoolcraft's name again and also learned about all the things that can impact our egg and sperm health. It was a wake up call to dig into taking better care of myself. Here are the simple steps that Blake and I took during our season of waiting to clean up our lifestyle and take care of ourselves. Physical health leads to mental, spiritual and emotional health. It feels good to be active and eat good. We are called to take care of our bodies, but it doesn't have to be complicated. Get outside. Go for a walk. Eat a good, healthy meal. Take vitamins. (We took this brand of supplements. I also really like these that are now available.) The stuff we put in and on our bodies matters. But so does the stress that comes from obsessing over every little thing.  Pick one or two things each month to switch out for a cleaner / safer option. Get samples of my favorite clean skincare & makeup here. One thing at a time. One day at a time. Encouragement from Chapter 2 called Grace Through the Storm: “Whatever you are walking through, God already reigns victorious. If we keep our eyes on Jesus and not on our circumstances, He will give us peace in the midst of the storm. It's a daily battle to take our eyes off our circumstances and refocus our hearts and minds on Jesus. On the days when you feel you can't take another step, tell Him. He will meet you in those vulnerable moments to give you peace and strength to keep moving forward. He's not scared of your mess. Be honest about where you're struggling, and trust that He will be the hand you can always cling to, the One who never leaves your side.” - Give Grace book Links: It Starts with the Egg: https://www.amazon.com/shop/megansmalley?listId=3RK3DQ5LALV1B Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

During my darkest and most uncertain days, I had a friend invite me into her life and let me love on and serve her family. Little by little, day by day, God healed my heart as I was able to love on the two most precious little blonde girls. It was during this time in my life that I found so much purpose in my pain. It wasn't fancy. It wasn't big and world changing. It was through simple acts of showing up when my friend asked and serving her family. This time taught me a lot of things and I want to share some of those with you today. Your purpose in life does not begin once you have a baby in your arms. There is purpose right now, in the middle of this season. Here are some practical ways you can find purpose in this season. Find a family you can love on that needs extra help and will let you in.  Find a ministry you're passionate about and serve there Take on a creative outlet or a side hustle that you love. (Scarlet & Gold was a wonderful distraction for me during my hardest days. Because I had the gift of time I was able to pour so much into building it.) God can use you for his Kingdom right now if you let him.  Encouragement from Chapter 13 called A Community of Grace: “Our stories shape us. Our hardships define us. We get to choose what to do with that. Our testimony has to power to transform hearts. Humans are story-driven beings, and our testimony about God's faithfulness in our lives is one of the most impactful tools we have in sharing the gospel. People connect with stories. They listen to them. And they will find themselves in your story, if you let them. When you share your story with others and talk about how God was real and faithful to you through good days and bad days, it gives others hope that this same God will be real to them too. Your story is too powerful to keep it to yourself. Give it away and watch what God does with it.” - Give Grace book Links: Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

True surrender is hard, but it brings so much freedom. In life, there is always something to worry about and there is always an area of our lives that we want to control. I want to challenge you to do the work you need to do now so that you can release control. Here are some truths that I want to share with you: You can't control this. These are two examples of holding onto control in this process: Paralyzed: paralyzed by fear to take the necessary steps and face the potential road ahead Over control: meticulously controlling every detail in order to attempt to control the outcome Surrender brings freedom. As you let go of control, I want to remind you of these things: Surrender is a daily exercise. It's one of the hardest things to do. Learning to wait well is a journey (balancing waiting on God and being proactive). True surrender is when we get to the place that we know we will be ok no matter what happens. You can move forward in faith while being confident that God is in control of the outcome. It's important to prepare your heart for all outcomes, including the ones you may not want. Remember: God is in control. He is sovereign in ALL things, big and small. He knows your heart and what you desire most. Encouragement from Chapter 9 called The Grace of Hope: “Hope is a choice. It is both a noun and a verb. It's something you can have, but also something you can do. To me the more important of the two is always in the doing. If we have hope, but aren't actively hoping, then we are missing a crucial component. The hoping is God's grace in action in our life. It's that confident trust we place in Him to bless us regardless of the circumstances, the difficulties, or the down right impossibilities.” - Give Grace book Links: Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

In this episode, we are talking with my friend Raven, a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, about the topic of processing fear and sadness. Raven is one of those friends that can get deep and these kind of friends are such a gift. While she hasn't walked the road of infertility, she has walked through some hard stuff and has had to wait on God. So I love that she brings a personal level of understanding to the emotions that waiting can bring. Fear vs. Anxiety Emotions, in general, are information via signals within our bodies that are often closely related to sensations, thoughts or behaviors. Fear is a physiological response to something happening to us or around us that alerts us to a perceived danger. All emotions are adaptive as a means to alert our brains of what “next steps” to take. One of the most powerful things we can realize is that we were given emotion, including fear anxiety and even anger, for a reason.  Anxiety is more specific than fear. It is an emotion characterized by racing or intrusive thoughts, muscle tension, increased heart rate, difficulty sleeping or focusing- restlessness. In my experience, anxiety results from ignoring or being unable to attend to, some fear or situation. The friction created by an unmet need whether that is for safety, comfort, or change. Practical ways to process fear & anxiety: First step is to regulate. Nothing else. Remind yourself that you are safe. It's important to note that these steps have nothing to do with getting rid of fear. God gave us fear, even anxiety. We are just unable to use it in the way it is intended when we are flooded with emotions. Then, once you are regulated, can you identify your need? Simmer it down to that moment's need: comfort, safety, care. Sadness & Depression Sadness is a signal that we are worn down and can manifest in these bodily signs: tears, a “weight,” general slowing. Depression has a very specific definition. (1) Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day. (2) Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. (3) Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. (4) A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down). (5) Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day. (6) Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day. (7) Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day. (8) Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide. To receive a diagnosis of depression, these symptoms must cause the individual clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. The symptoms must also not be a result of substance abuse or another medical condition. Depression is not just sadness multiplied. Depression is related to duration, bodily impact, and effect on day to day living and relationships. Strategies for both acknowledging and battling fear/ sadness: Familiarize yourself with your body's way of letting you know that you need something. Get curious instead of panicking. Seek out a counselor, mentor, or support group. Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

One of the hardest parts of this journey is all the lies we allow ourselves to believe. These lies can come from other people and they can also be lies from the devil that we allow our heart to believe. It's important to distinguish what is true from what is not. Here are some things that are true: 1. This is not your fault. 2. God doesn't promise us babies. 3. “Just relaxing” isn't going to fix it. 4. You are likely facing an actual medical issue that is preventing pregnancy.  5. You can follow Jesus and pursue treatment. 6. There is purpose in your pain and in your waiting. 7. Every desire for a baby is real and valid and every loss matters. 8. The people you allow to speak into your life matter. 9. This is outside of your control. 10. This is more than any of us can handle, but God will provide the strength, peace and grace to get us through. Here are some strategies for combating lies with truth: Remind yourself about what is true daily. Go to Scripture to help you discern what is true and what is not. Surround yourself with wise counsel to help you discern. Recognize & call out the lies when you hear them. Being proactive vs reactive helps. Emotions are important, but they aren't always reliable. Let friends in that can help call out lies and speak truth over your heart. Find a doctor / clinic that is going to tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear. Ad: https://www.amazon.com/shop/megansmalley?listId=3RK3DQ5LALV1B Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

One of the biggest lessons I learned as I navigated the emotions of my infertility journey was that grief and joy can coexist. It seems simple, but once I recognized that this was possibly, my heart felt lighter. I could more freely and confidently express to others that my tears over their joy were not actually about them. They were about the brokenness of my story. If you are feeling overwhelmed and confused each time your friends share joyous news with you, you are not alone. I hope these truths help you put words to the things you are feeling. You can be happy and feel joy for others while feeling grief over your story. Just because someone's happy news brings feelings of sadness to your heart doesn't mean you're not happy for them. Other's joy on this road is often a reminder of your broken journey. Hard things are complex and it's difficult to explain your feelings sometimes. Give yourself grace and the space to know that you don't owe anyone an explanation. Manage your expectations of yourself and from others. The world puts crazy expectations on us for how we are to respond and show joy outwardly. When you're in a season of grief, it's important to recognize that your outward expression of joy will look different from others and that's ok. It doesn't mean you don't feel joy for someone else. Boundaries are important. Relationships are very important, especially in a season of grief. If a relationship is causing more harm than good, it's ok to love people from afar. How to find joy in the grief Focus on the blessings in your life. Remind yourself about the good things in this season. Cry when you need to. Find someone to talk to other than your spouse because letting people in brings joy. Say yes to the celebrations that your heart can handle. Say no to the rest. Ad: https://www.megansmalley.com/givegracebook Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Grief can encompass the loss of anything in our lives, tangible or intangible. In the journey of infertility, it can often feel hard to explain the depths of grief you experience. I often struggled putting words to the things that I was feeling so that others could understand. Here are some truths that I hope will give you the peace and freedom to grieve as you need. 1. It's important to let your heart grieve. 2. You have to learn how to turn the corner from grief. Tips for pulling yourself out of grief from The Overcome Journal: Identify the trouble. Assess where you are emotionally. Identify the triggers. Take the next step. Take heart! (encourage your heart with God's truth) Overcome with prayer, serving others and gratitude. 3. We will never move on from grief, but we have to learn how to move forward with it. 4. We have to grieve intangible losses too. Practical tools for grieving these kind of losses: Journaling, naming the expectations we had for how we thought this would go, marking losses with significance 5. Get off the emotional rollercoaster. Ad: https://www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com/beautycounter Ad: https://www.theovercomejournal.com/ If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Someone once told me that having a baby should be fun and free. For me, it was neither. In this episode I am sharing my story. I'm going to talk about all the twists and turns of the past eight years as we walked through infertility and how I learned to be content through the suffering and season of waiting. I'll discuss marriage, the ups and downs of our IVF treatments, our Give Grace campaign and the heart behind it and how all the heartbreak led me to my miracles. Before you listen to the rest of season 1, I think it's important for you to know where I've been and where I am now. This road is full of uncertainty, good days and bad days, all the questions and so many tears. I want you to know that you're not alone. Our stories may be different, but I know your pain. I see your confusion. I get your longing and your heartbreak. I'll never claim to have all the answers, but I'll always claim the One who does. You see, I am a follower of Jesus and my Biblical worldview shapes everything I do, the way I think and the decisions I make. My faith is what gives me hope on the darkest days. We may not share the same faith and that's ok. You are welcome here no matter what, but I think it's important for you to know where my joy, my hope and my strength come from. I recorded my story a few days before I delivered my miracle twin boys, so please give me lots of grace for my shaky and breathless voice. If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Welcome to Season 1 to The Infertility Sisterhood Podcast! I'm sharing the things I wish I would have known when I started on this road. I'm calling it my playbook because if I had a do over, I would be able to use these tools to carry me through. The truths would have saved me a whole lot of time, heartache and money and brought me the clarity I needed when everything felt confusing. We will cover emotions, mental health, faith, physical health, marriage, friendship, finances, clinical decisions and more. I hope you leave each episode feeling more encouraged and more equipped to face this battle than you were before.  If you love this podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you'd hit the subscribe button and leave me a 5 star review. These simple things help others find us and help support this ministry so we can keep providing free content for you. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).

Welcome to the Infertility Sisterhood podcast! If you're new here, I want you to know what we are all about. The Infertility Sisterhood exists to provide empathy (because you don't have to walk this road alone), encouragement (because there is hope even in the hard stuff), education (because the decisions you make matter) and empowerment (because you have a purposeful path forward). We all have our own story, but we're in this together. There's no rhyme or reason to this road called infertility. The causes, timelines, and options are as different as we are. But there is one thing we all share, and that's a deep longing to be a mother. In upcoming seasons, we will cover topics like emotions, marriage, faith, physical health, mental health, all things clinical and what's it's like on the other side. So whether you're just starting out on your journey or you've been on this road longer than you want to admit, I'm glad you're here. I believe you'll find something here that encourages you, challenges you and helps you take the next right step. We drop full seasons at one time. This way you can skip around to episodes that will help you the most or listen to them all at one time. For all the latest information, helpful resources, announcements about new season launch dates and to join our free online community, visit www.theinfertilitysisterhood.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@theinfertilitysisterhood / @megansmalley).