Make Him Wonder

By the time 30-yr-old Audrey met 27-yr-old Anthony in person, the two had already established a great online friendship. They fell in love within a few months and were meeting each other's friends. However, Anthony showed signs of feeling pressured, especially as he was starting a new business. His becoming more avoidant heightened Audrey's anxiousness. When Anthony suddenly broke things off, Audrey admits she “freaked out.” She comes on Make Him Wonder and is happy to discover that not all is lost and that this breakup can be the reset this relationship needs to restart on the right foot.

36-yr-old Jolie's excitement over 40-yr-old Luke turned to disappointment when Luke's initial interest seemed to suddenly wane. Not understanding why Luke's behavior was normal for a man at a long-distance, Jolie comes back on Make Him Wonder to get my coaching on where things made a turn, and how she can get things back on track to, potentially, go the distance.

46-yr-old divorced, single mom, Leisel, describes dating 48-yr-old Paul as "amazing." On date 5 they had sex, but Leisel was disappointed that this didn't change Paul's inconsistent communication. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, I help Leisel discover the importance of consistent messaging with a man before sex, and how she can make sure she is not repeating old dating patterns.

LD relationships, being a catch but not being caught, single with little romantic history and more! In this Q&A with Michelle we answer your questions. Send Michelle@CoachPaulaGrooms.com YOUR question or ask about being a guest for an episode that will only be posted here in the club!

36-yr-old mother of three, Kaitlyn made the first move when she introduced herself to her gym's new yoga instructor, 26-yr-old, David. David moved to Kaitlyn's country from another country, only 8 months ago. Given the age difference and the fact that the two share a gym, Kaitlyn comes on Make Him Wonder wanting my coaching on the potential for this relationship to go the distance and how to set it up correctly by not sleeping with David "too soon."

Love is for anyone who chooses to have it. But unless you're one of the very lucky few, it doesn't "just happen," or come to us when "we least expect it." If you're past the age of 30, you've likely endured many heartbreaks and romantic dry spells. If you're enduring one now, you can feel defeated, if not downright depressed. But what if you're not in the mindset to manifest, or you can't override what's happening in the moment? No need to put on a happy face. In this episode, I give you a reframe that is going to get you back in the game, no matter how desolate or desperate your reality may seem.

Nine months ago, 26-yr-old Amara told me she was “too clingy, needy, and emotional” in her relationship. After our discussion, Amara took action. She is now at a much better place with her boyfriend, Tony, but continues to question if she is “asking for too much.” Tony says he feels Amara “doesn't appreciate him,” so he is unwilling to move forward with getting engaged. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, I explain what Tony needs from Amara to feel safe to get engaged and help Amara reorient her thoughts towards what is realistic to expect in a relationship.

33-yr-old Esme and 37-yr-old Ivan have been dating for 6 weeks. Despite all indicators that Ivan wants to move forward in a relationship, Esme is concerned that once the two have sex, the positive momentum could abruptly stop. Wondering what will give her the best chance of Ivan wanting her for his forever “one,” and not distancing, Esme comes on Make Him Wonder to find out when it's okay to spend the night and have sex for the first time.

It was love at first sight for 30-yr-old Lucia when she saw 23-yr-old Brian performing on a street in her city. Artistic and sweet, Lucia viewed Brian as different from other men, both younger and older, and let herself fall hard. Now, only 3 weeks later, Lucia is feeling intense anxiety over Brian not showing up for her in the ways she expected. On this episode, Paula helps Lucia explore her struggle with anxious attachment, as well as manage Brian's behavior, and her own expectations.

35-yr-old Christine, reached out to her ex, 35-yr-old Maurice, who lives in another state. He responded positively and has been consistent, but Christine continues to sabotage her chances by openly questioning Maurice on his level of interest. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula outlines what changes Christine needs to make regarding her self-love, so that she can see Maurice's attention in a positive light and manifest the positive outcome she desires.

36-yr-old single mom, Madison, slept with 31-yr-old Mike on the first date. But despite Mike's continued pursuit and behavior that suggests he's thinking of Madison as a possible girlfriend, Madison can't quell her anxiety and negative thoughts. Despite trying hard to text and behave in ways that show her self-worth, Madison made a big misstep on social media that caused Mike to ghost her. In this episode, Paula gives Madison the text she must send to rectify her mistake and allow Mike to move forward.

42-yr-old Skylar has been in no-contact with 44-yr-old Jason for five months. Recently questioning herself, Skylar wants to know if reaching out will lessen her chances of getting back together. To her surprise, I coach Skylar on why and how she should be reaching out to increase the possibility of Jason feeling safe to return, and to restart their relationship.

36-yr-old Pippa had a great, connected relationship with 31-yr-old Dan. With so much in common, things starting-off right, and Dan wanting to spend most of his free time with Pippa, she was blindsided when he went awol. Finding out that he had started seeing someone else, Pippa went-off on Dan, and now she's blocked. Wanting to get back on track, Pippa comes on Make Him Wonder to get Paula's coaching to understand when things changed for Dan, and what to do to get him back desiring the commitment he did in past.

After three years of having an affair with 46-yr-old married man, Jim, 43-yr-old Morgan's dream of Jim being separated finally came to pass. But instead of Jim being freer to be with Morgan, he has retreated. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula discovers that there is much more to the story of Morgan and Jim than what she was initially told. More than a “simple” love triangle, the effects of this affair are wider-reaching and complicated. Not for the faint of heart where marriage is concerned, Paula attempts to help Morgan sort out her feelings and feel hopeful about a future with the man she loves and desires.

44-yr-old Darlene had been separated for 18 months when she began a FWB relationship with 40-yr-old divorced, Paul. Despite telling Darlene he loved her and didn't want to let her go; Paul wasn't ready for commitment. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Darlene returns to ask me what her last words to Paul should be, and how she can begin dating again with an ex-husband who is still making advances.

About 3 years following the loss of her husband, 55-yr-old Kitt reconnected with 53-yr-old Shaun, who she had known in HS. But Shaun was not ready or willing to commit to a serious relationship and went silent, leaving Kitt wondering what had happened. Since then, Kitt met 56-yr-old Mike, and all seemed to be going well. But on the heels of the death of her husband, the recent death of her mother, and Shaun leaving without a word, Kitt is finding it hard to trust again. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, I help Kitt to reframe her thinking and be open to the pace at which Mike is comfortable, so that he can feel safe and trusting, as well.

42-yr-old Kate is a single mom of three children under the age of 16. Kate is not looking to get married or live with a man until her children are off to college. However, she does want a long-term committed relationship. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, I give Kate my opinion on involving her children in her dating, spending the night with a man when children are home, and how long is too long to date without getting married.

38-yr-old divorced mom, Autumn, realizes that her neediness caused 40-yr-old Danny to call it quits, despite loving her and her children. Stating that she is “finally ready to do the work needed to get Danny back,” Autumn wonders if it's too late, and if she has ruined her chances for good. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula outlines her Lure-Him-Back approach and how it will work for Autumn, should she commit to it.

29-yr-old Lauren has been dating 31-yr-old Luke for only 6 months, and Luke is planning on moving in with Lauren very soon. Lauren says she is so happy that she worked on herself and is now with someone she feels is worth committing to, yet she worries that she might be taking things "too fast." As she wants to ensure this great relationship keeps moving forward towards engagement, Lauren comes back on Make Him Wonder to get my coaching on how best to proceed with her new love so that things go the distance.

When 35-yr-old Adele met divorced dad 38-yr-old Jules, it was love-at-first-sight. But the passion and intensity caused Jules to breakup several times. In this episode of Make Him Wonder, I help Adele understand the initial missteps she made that left Jules feeling unsafe to move forward, and how getting herself back-on-track will allow Jules to come towards her again.

32-yr-old Kaira felt lucky to have 29-yr-old Giovanni living with her, but soon became disenchanted. At the time, Giovanni was using Tinder and pics of his past women as his porn and not paying his full share of the rent. But instead of focusing on what Giovanni was doing, Kaira got busy working on what she could control. She got a new job and focused on her self-concept. Giovanni has since made a complete turnaround. He initiated coming to Kaira to delete his Tinder profile, introduced her to his mother, and is now making plans for marriage. Back from Season Two, Ep. 22, Kaira reports on how focusing on herself led the man she wanted to focus on a real relationship

39-yr-old divorced mom of three, Bev, has found it challenging to date. Her ex-husband is highly achieved and very successful financially. Now dating 47-yr-old Juan, Bev is concerned that Juan's lack of complete commitment is due to him being challenged by her ex's lifestyle and feeling like he doesn't measure up. Bev asks herself if she made a mistake and wonders if she should just go back with her ex. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, I help Bev answer the important questions she must ask herself to make a decision about both men so that she can get the love relationship she desires.

46-yr-old Blake is in an on-again, off-again relationship with 60 yr-old Carlos, who has been separated for the last 10 years. A year ago, when Carlos broke things off because Blake wanted more commitment, the two remained friends, taking weekly walks together and talking on the phone. Blake has since seen the error in this approach and comes on Make Him Wonder to better understand why no-contact works with men, how to initiate it, and what to do when she runs into Carlos next.

41-yr-old Elaine recently rendezvoused with a former love who she hadn't seen in five years, who lives in another country. Despite being told he's not ready for marriage now, Elaine feels there may be a future this time around. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, I explains the mixed-messages Elaine sent when agreeing to see her ex, and what she can say now to find out if he can possibly be ready for the commitment and family she desires.

After 2 years of one heartbreak after another, including 2 pregnancies, 43-yr-old Lynn realizes 43-yr-old Mike is not ready, willing, or able to make her a priority. While knowing that she must move on, Lynn struggles with the anxiety associated with blaming herself for the breakup. In this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula gives Lynn the key to unlock what is holding her back from fully moving on and discusses if, and when, it is possible to find romance with another when continuing to be friends with an ex.

The most common reasons for divorce include infidelity, addiction, financial conflicts, and basic incompatibility. My divorce was not for any of those reasons, and precisely the reason that my ex and I have been able to forge a friendship. In this episode of Make Him Wonder, John and I take a look back at the how and why of our parting, and I round it out with some stats about friendship following the dissolution of a marriage. Should exes remain friends? The answer to that question has as many answers as there are couples, but one thing is certain: If both of you are not 100% on the same page, have new partners who aren't cool with it, or if you have any unresolved feelings of wanting to get back together, it will not work, nor is it a good idea. I count my blessings on all fronts, and via this conversation, I find out that my ex does, as well.

Recently out of a 6-yr relationship, 40-yr-old Jasmine finds herself wondering if her accommodating ways allowed her ex to put her in the “fun-girl” category and may have kept the couple from going the distance. In this episode of Make Him Wonder, Jasmine and I take a deep-dive on how making things easy for a man doesn't offer him enough challenge, and what every woman can do subtlety and energetically to increase a man's interest from the start.

39-yr-old Jolie is recently out of a situationship with 40-yr-old James. Jolie says she would have liked to have been married with children, by now, but finds it hard to be attracted to men who want a family life. Feeling frustrated and fearful, Jolie comes on Make Him Wonder to find out why she might be self-sabotaging, and what she can do to increase her chances of fulfilling her desires and destiny.

32-yr-old Brianne says it's a pattern of hers to have men “very interested” from the start only to end up “walking away” after she “harasses” them when she doesn't receive the time and attention she wants. 42-yr-old Carl is no exception. A military man and away a lot, Brianne lets her anxiety get the best of her. On this episode, hear how Brianne falls prey to her emotions that make Carl the bad guy, eroding his desire to make things official.

Go big or go home! In Season Four, Episode One, I outline how playing it small may be hurting your chances of having the most fulfilling life and love, long term. If you're out there dating, be sure to listen so you see the big picture as it relates to dating and having a life-long mate.

48-yr-old, Kelley, was in an 8-yr relationship with 41-yr-old, Corey. After sustaining several breakups, Corey moved out a year ago and began seeing a woman from work. But Kelley has kept Corey in her life financially, emotionally, and physically, believing that being a friend on good terms will help him to see that the two are meant to be together. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, I explain my Lure-Him-Back approach, and how Kelley can turn back the clock on her relationship for the desired ending she deserves.

29-yr-old Daniella met Dan at a club and went home with him the same night. After several great dates, and seemingly interested for more, Dan pulled back. Shortly thereafter, while away on business, Dan asked Daniella to fly to be with him, yet he didn't follow through. Not hearing from Dan for weeks, Daniella seeks clarity on possible next steps. Paula explains what Daniella can do to have a chance to be dancing with Dan, again, like when they first met.

Understanding men is about more than relating to them intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. It encompasses knowing our fundamental differences and handling them in the most effective way. This allows us to have the best experience and give men the best of ourselves in return. Handling a man's wandering eye effectively helps him to understand what is best socially for the sake of your relationship. On this episode, I expose interesting research that will help you relate to your man's experience of being a man, in order to help you experience the best of him.

51-yr-old, divorced mom, Sandy, was engaged to 52-yr-old Eric. But just 4 days before their wedding, Eric canceled the wedding, stating that he wanted to date others. Broken-hearted, Sandy went back online and met 57-yr-old Ryan. Sandy is torn, however, as she still has feelings for Eric and has allowed him back into her life. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula helps Sandy understand the need to create and keep the boundaries necessary for either of her men to commit, and why it's not the when of letting a man back-in, as much as it is the how that determines a man's level of investment in a relationship.

After meeting and dating 44-yr-old Will on-and-off for about 3 yrs, 45-yr-old divorced, mom, Logan, now finds herself in mostly an email-only relationship since Will last broke things off, 12 months ago. While Logan credits her current situation to Will's fear of failure and the couple's mismatched parenting schedules, Paula sees things differently. On this episode, you'll hear Paula give Logan the low-down on what she needs to do to help her email Romeo see her as his Juliette, and not just a wonderful woman with whom he corresponds daily.

32-yr-old Emerie broke off her 2.5 yr situationship with 34-yr-old Aaron, thinking that 2 weeks of no response to his texts was enough to cause Aaron to want a commitment. In this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula explains why it's not the “when” of letting a man back in, as much as it is the “how,” that determines a man's level of desire for a real relationship.

First-generation, 27-yr-old Amara reports that traditional cultural norms have kept her “fixated on the needs of her family” and on making herself available to 28-yr-old Tony whenever he wants. Feeling smothered, past partners have pulled away, causing Amara to feel resentful due to all she has sacrificed. She then explodes or clings harder, and ultimately, Amara has no peace-of-mind or enjoyment of the relationship. Wanting to achieve her career goals, and give to herself as much as to others, Amara comes on Make Him Wonder to find out what steps she can take to move forward free of fear and guilt.

Back from Season One Episodes 14 and 32, 45-yr-old Anna comes back on Make Him Wonder with updates on how she went from heartbroken to happily married in less than one year. While living in a culturally restricted “dating desert,” Anna explains how using Paula's 3-pillared approach of Mindset, Manifesting, and the Mechanics of Men, she was able to leave her 3-year relationship with a Damaged Consumer and in only 30 days had the man of her dreams by her side.

After only a few months of dating, 44-yr-old Fred started spending every night with 52-yr-old Sariah, and expressed interest in living together. Despite telling Fred that she required engagement to do so, on their one-yr anniversary, Fred told Sariah that he wasn't ready for marriage and didn't want to be engaged. On this episode, Paula helps Sariah make sense of what Sariah deemed as Fred's retraction, understand where she needs to place her focus, and learn what she needs to do and say to move Fred toward committed cohabitation.

Upon separating from her husband, 41-yr-old Darlene moved back to her hometown and reconnected with her old beau, 40-yr-old Paul. The two quickly began hooking-up and their friendship is strong. Paul tells Darlene he loves her, so she can't understand why the relationship can't be more. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Darlene seeks Paula's answer on how to get this FWB relationship to feature all she desires.

While on a weekend trip to her old college town, 41-yr-old Elaine met 39-yr-old Leo through a mutual friend. Feeling like she made missteps landing her in the just-for-fun category, Elaine is anxious about the possibility of Leo ever seeing her as wife/mother material. On this episode, Paula explains how trying to control the category in her initial interactions rendered Elaine confusing to Leo rather than making wonder, and the decision Elaine needs to make to set things with this potential Mr. Right on the authentic right path.

Single mom, 37-yr-old Piper, met 36-yr-old Tony online. Having just quit his job, and recently divorced, Piper questions if Tony is ready, willing, and able to go the distance, especially as a stepfather. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula helps Piper get clarity on whether to clear the way for Tony to come forward or if it's best to retreat.

44-yr-old divorced, single mom, Leisel, reached out to 45-yr-old divorced dad, Rob, on Bumble. Rob eventually asked Leisel to meet and the two have been dating for about 3 months. But Rob only agrees to see Leisel every two weeks and doesn't stay in much contact between times. When asked about where they stand, Rob says that he doesn't like labels and wants to "take things slow." Most concerning to Leisel is that Rob says he likes "aggressive women” who make the first moves and pay for dates 50-50. Feeling anxious about Rob's interest, Leisel connects with Paula to see if she should gamble on this relationship becoming more equitable, or if she needs to fold ‘em and walk away.

56-yr-old Maddy and 44-yr-old Andrew have had 4 breakups in 3.5 years of their relationship. Successful, happy with her life, and accommodating, Maddy is confused as to why Andrew is so confused about her. Despite saying he loves her Andrew will go for a certain amount of time before telling Maddy he “can't.” On this episode, Paula explains why Andrew feels as he does, and what Maddy can do for the best chance of Andrew knowing, feeling, and deciding that he “can!”

44-yr-old Emily is seeking a hypergamous relationship from online dating. As a Rules Girl, Emily states that she expects a man to see her as his “dream girl” and start wining and dining her without texting between dates. Confused as to why telling her prospective wealthy men what it is that she expects of them isn't leading her to the relationship she desires, Emily comes on this episode to get Paula's coaching advice.

35-yr-old Shana set out wanting 47-yr-old Paul to see her as more than just for fun. But a casual boat trip and a late-night invite steered things off-course, and Paul drifted off. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, hear what Shana can text to allow Paul to see her as potential wife/mother material so that this prospective relationship doesn't get dry-docked before it has a chance to launch.

Despite 43-yr-old Terri knowing that casual relationships don't work for her, she finds herself going on hook-up sites and predominately dating much younger men. They eventually leave, then Terri becomes obsessed, wondering why they didn't like her enough. On this episode, Terri discovers the source of the dissonance between what she intellectually knows is her value and the feelings of unworthiness that drive her behavior.

28-yr-old Loni wasn't particularly interested in 28-yr-old James when they first met. But upon showing her the kind of care and attention Loni hadn't ever before received from a man, James won her heart. The couple now have a newborn together, but all is not blissful. Loni admits that she allowed her insecurities and jealousy to take over, and James moved out. Now in regret, Loni comes on Make Him Wonder to hear what Paula has to say about the possibility of rebuilding trust and James coming home to stay for good.

54-yr-old Kit found committed love for the first time in her late 40s. It was tragically taken away in only 4 years when her husband died unexpectedly. A few years later, a former HS classmate came back into her life and gave Kit hope of having love once again. But due to his football coaching career, 53-yr-old Shaun doesn't have the best track record of giving time to a relationship. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula helps Kit reframe her personal game-plan and see ahead to winning in romance and reaching her goal.

31-yr-old voice actor and media host, Raven Brinson has moved many times for her career, and has recently relocated to Los Angeles. Doing all that she can socially to meet new people, Raven is perplexed as to why dating seems so much harder now, than in the past. On this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula helps Raven choose her core-four must-haves, unpack her resistance to online dating, and discuss mindset tools to stay positive for herself, as well as supportive of friends who are marrying and having children.

Three months into dating 39-yr-old Coco, 36-yr-old Steven's mother was diagnosed with Cancer, his grandpa went on hospice, and he got laid off. Despite being in therapy and the fact that the adverse life circumstances were not permanent they were too much for Steven, and he broke things off. Being told “it's not you, it's me,” Coco decided she should nurture Steven through the tough times by being there for him. On this episode, Paula gives Coco the low-down on the probability of low contact working for the long run.