The Wargames Orchard

I've got good news, and bad news, which may turn out to be good news as well. This will be the final Wargames Orchard episode for the foreseeable future. Because of practical reasons to do with time zones and dependence, GJ is going rogue! The Warhammer Fantasy through the editions reviews will get their very own podcast titled Forces of Fantasy (so go check it out as well!). But a promise is a promise, and I did promise you to discuss the Old World reveals from Warhammer Fest. I can't very well leave all my Orchard fans hanging, now can I...?   Watch the Old World reveal here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1807651323?filter=archives&sort=time

What do you do when you don't have time to prepare an actual episode? Record a few random ramblings when painting and slap a title on it, of course! If you're looking for a more professional approach, you might think of this as an official Wargames Orchard news and hobby update. But if you were looking for a more professional approach, you probably wouldn't look over here. Either way, enjoy the episode and look forward to the next update where we (hopefully) get to share some Old World news.

Whether you are over the moon that the old Bretonnia plastic kits are coming back, or ready to burn your miniatures (again) because the base sizes are increasing, we can all agree on one thing: Warhammer 1st edition is its whole own level of awesomeness! This episode we take a look at three 1983 White Dwarf articles: a review, a scenario and rules for Giants that are suspiciously similar to the rules for Giants in later editions, just proving the craftsmanship and/or foresight of a mr. Rick Priestley. 

GJ continues his journey to the beginning of time - or at least the beginning of Warhammer Fantasy - with a look at the role-playing elements of the game found in the 2nd and 3rd volume of the First Edition box set: Magic and Characters. Although perhaps that should have been Characters and Magic. Ah well, what's in a number? 

It has begun! The die is cast! The Rubicon is crossed! There is no turning back! Get ready for a journey through 8 editions of Warhammer Fantasy Battles, starting this episode with the very first book of the very first edition, in which GJ gives an overview of how the game is played. Oh, yeah, and there was also some new stuff, but who cares? Well, grumpy GJ, a bit. But the old stuff was way better anyway, so let's focus on that.

GJ has got new toys: 3d printers! Since he is now an expert (cough, cough), he'll tell you all about it while painting some Minotaurs. Yes, it's that time of the week again where, mostly due to life happening, there was no time to prepare for an actual episode. But we'll make up for it next week. Or the week after that. Or maybe some other point in the future. Hopefully. Anyway, enjoy GJ's semi-random 3d printer ramblings!

We've got Old World news! And it seems very difficult at this time for GW to please us, because Grumpy GJ makes a special appearance today. To lighten the mood, we'll look at some big friendly Giants for the Dogs of War, as well as a big, rather unfriendly Dragon for the same faction. These big baddies, sadly, turn into big worsies in 6th edition. Still they have many uses, not the least of which is as their own template. 

There is one Warhammer kit you can't live without as an Empire player: the Militia set. Want to make Free Companies? Militia set! Archers? Crossbowmen? Militia Set! Zombie Pirates? Warriors of Ulric? Militia set! Going to Mordheim? Don't forget to pack your coat... and your Militia set! Join GJ as he explores the rules, models, and options of - can you guess it? - the Militia set.

If there's one book the creators of Warhammer haven't drawn inspiration from, it's the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. On its cover are the words "Don't Panic" in large, friendly letters. But any Warhammer unit (well, except for those nasty immune to psychology guys) can, and most likely will, panic and flee. Join GJ on a journey from 1st edition Morale tests, to Oldhammer era Cool tests, to the panic tests we all know and dread. So don't panic. But if you do, prepare to be pursued.

Nathan breaks down the latest Warhammer: The Old World dev diary on the Tomb Kings and speculates on some important information within! As a bonus, he's not even grumpy about this article! 

Some episodes are meticulously planned and written. This is not one of them. Join GJ as he discusses the newest Fantasy related releases from Games Workshop and just talks hobby. How to make an army list that will lose you the battle? GJ knows. How to keep making the same mistake when modelling? GJ knows! How to make lots of money without having to work? GJ doesn't know (but is certainly curious to know if you do...). 

Imagine you are one (or two) of the most powerful, most favoured Daemons in the Realm of Chaos. Mortals tremble at the very sound of your name. You are second only to your dark god. The Warhammer World is at the tips of your fingers (or claws, or wings). And then... sixth edition happens and you're all forgotten. Not a very nice prospect, but it is what happened to Amon 'Chakai and Azazel, two Daemon warlords that were only playable in 5th edition, that incidentally both had their ways of targeting enemy characters. We had to let them go after 5th edition, but the better question is: will they let you go? (Hint: they won't, and neither will the Bohemian Rhapsody earworm that's either been bothering you since you read the podcast title or will be bothering you now that you've gone and read the title again).

Nathan and GJ get together for a grab bag episode featuring Nathan's holiday disaster, a new Warhammer the Old World article, hobby new years resolutions, and some sneaky Beastmen Talk. *Due to technical difficulties Nathan's audio was captured through the wrong microphone. We apologize for the lower quality of the recording. (GJ still sounds great though!)*

A major philosophical question is not how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, but how many Skinks you can fit onto your Stegadon. Join GJ as he explores these and other pressing matters (or, to use the technical term, ramblings) while talking about the evolution of the Stegadon from 5th-8th edition.

The siege of Praag is one of the most dramatic events of the Great War against Chaos. The horrors unleashed upon the people of the city gave the citizens of the Old World a glimpse as to what awaited them should armies of Chaos stand victorious.  This week enjoy three selected tales from siege of Praag. Each one told from the perspective of a citizen of that doomed city! Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays from the Wargames Orchard!

Warhammer is known to have a few monsters here and there. If you think hard you could probably picture one or two. Here at the Orchard we think there's room for more monsters! This week we're going to look at some classic monsters that are sadly absent from Warhammer Fantasy and see where we can find them a place in the Old World and beyond!   We mention Hayland games in the episode, they make a great line of monster / horror minis www.haylandgames.com Join us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/wargamesorchard 

A slightly grumpy GJ is reconsidering his faith and so there is only one logical conclusion: talk about the White Dwarf. Because if you look really hard, squint with both eyes and cover one of them with a fancy eyepatch just like Gotrek's, there is a very definite sort-of link between Grombrindal and Christmas. A deep dive, not through the army books, but through Grombrindal's namesake magazine, scouring obscure pdfs for rules that don't change too much after Herohammer. But then again, they were pretty far out there in the Herohammer era. Oh, and one final warning: only listen to this episode with your opponent's permission. We have to mention that almost every single time, especially when you get three legendary lords for the price of one, which is also the price of one thousand points.   Come join our Facebook group, the Warhammer Orchard! You can find us on Facebook (Wargames Orchard), Patreon (patreon.com/wargamesorchard) and Instagram (@wargamesorchard). Or you can reach us by email via wargamesorchard[at]gmail[dot]com.

There's a slew of new stuff from Games Workshop, so Nathan and GJ are pretty sure it can all work for Warhammer Fantasy. Join us for a breakdown of the new models and Battleforces that Fantasy fans can use to bolster their forces. Also GJ has an fun announcement for our Patreon members!

It's the return of Nathan, we don't remember him, but he insists he used to host this show. This week we catch up on some hobby talk, including Army Painter's Speed Paints. Then that Nathan guy gets grumpy about the last Old World update, finally we finish with Man O' War!  

Join GJ as he delves (or gores, or gauges, or slashes) deeply into the history of the mighty Minotaurs, both in Warhammer Fantasy and the original iteration hidden away below the palace of king Minos on Crete. Is there truth to the legend? We sure hope so! But not so much if the Minotaurs take on the Bloodgreed trait. Because in Old World, beef eat you.   Come join our Facebook group, the Warhammer Orchard! You can find us on: Facebook: Wargames Orchard Patron: Patreon.com/wargamesorchard Instagram: @wargamesorchard Email: wargamesorchard[at]gmail[dot]com

Happy Halloween! Or not, if you happen to run into a 3rd edition intelligent Dire Wolf. Fortunately they are rare and disappear when the sun comes up. Not so the later iterations, which are very much no longer dead anymore and may or may not hit harder or more often on the charge. If you want to cuddle with your own Dire Wolf pack, all you need to do is become a Vampire and summon them. Or raise them. But only if you're a Von Carstein Vamp. Or not. Who'd have thought the unlife of a Dire Wolf was so confusing...? 

Join GJ on a paint ramble - although this one is a lot more structured than the last one! Topic of discussion is the scenarios for the upcoming 5th edition campaign on the first ever Dutch Oldhammer Con this weekend. Prepare for drunken Giants, wild magicks, and Skink-infested jungles. All of this in order to (randomly) decide who goes home with the main prize: the Tankard of Tastiness!

Ladies and gentlemen, Goblins of all ages, we finally have some Old World news. Well, Old World concept art. But one of those is a lovely Tomb Kings chariot which inspired GJ to take a deep dive into the chariots of the Undead and Tomb Kings, whether they are made of bone, wood, or reanimated manticores. So grease your axles, harness your skeletal horses and sharpen your scythes: The Tomb Kings ride to war!

Are you ready to dip your toes, or hooves, which may or may not turn into kangaroo legs, into the Realm of Chaos? As if organizing and participating in a painting challenge isn't enough, GJ wants to model up a Beastman hero with a bunch of random gifts and attributes taken straight out of the beloved third edition books. Because we need to do something to pass the time, waiting for Old World news, don't we...?

They are the biggest, the best, the brawliest and the most well-traveled Ogres: Maneaters! Join GJ as he looks at the Ogre Maneaters in all their various (ahem) iterations, as well as the long and rich history of Mr. Maneater himself: Golgfag. Or Golfag, depending on... reasons, maybe? Empty your purses for this episode, because these Ogres will fight for the right price. Or the right kind of food. Ah, who am I kidding? Any kind of food. Dig in!

This week we take a look at the stories, histories, myths and legends on which everyone's favourite noble nation of Knights is based. Much of the general aspects of Bretonnia are derived from the legends of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. Some parts of these legends have been ported over into the world of Warhammer, though oftentimes, with a twist. Join GJ on this deep dive into Arthurian legend. Take out your copy of the Bretonnian Army Book and Thomas Malory's Le Morte D'Arthur (The Death of Arthur). Spoiler warning: Arthur dies. Or does he...?

We made it to one hundred episodes! That seems like a lot. To celebrate the accomplishment, Nathan and GJ get together and wax nostalgically about one of the greatest Warhammer video games of all time: Dark Omen. It's a wonderfully realized journey into the Old World with the Grudgebringer mercenary company as they (yet again) save the Empire whilst turning a tidy profit.  Check out the community keeping Dark Omen Alive: http://en.dark-omen.org/ Our Patreon: www.patreon.com/wargamesorchard    

It was bound to happen. Nathan was left on his own and now we have a whole episode dedicated to his love / hate relationship with Dark Elf Cold One Knights. At least he spends most of the episode charting the evolution of these lizard riding elves from 3rd to 8th edition Warhammer Fantasy. There is definitely a rant or two included, but Nathan assures us he rants because he loves (yeah, we don't believe him either). We hope you enjoy this passionate breakdown of an iconic Warhammer unit.  Check us out on Patreon: patreon.com/wargamesorchard

Bad things happen in the Warhammer World. Sometimes your family gets eaten by Orcs, or Beastmen, or Ogres. Maybe instead they were stolen away by pale faced nobles in the night, or carried off by giant rat-men that no one believes actually exist. Whatever horrible fate befell your loved ones probably left you in quite a state. Perhaps consider joining your local band of Flagellants! Flagellants are the doom sayers that have been prophesying the end of the Warhammer world since third edition (ignore the one time they were actually right) and they have a ton of unique and weird rules to show for it. Join us for a in depth look at these madmen from 3rd-8th edition Warhammer Fantasy! We also have a new bonus episode on Patreon. The second in a series of holistic herohammer army book reviews. This week the Dwarfs! Check it out here : patreon.com/wargamesorchard

Do you hear that, in the distance? Is it thunder? Is it Grom the Paunch racing his chariot over the cobbled streets of Nuln? No, it's the explosive conclusion of our two part deep dive into the gunpowder powered section of the Imperial armoury. Join GJ as he takes a look at the rules for gunpowder artillery through the ages - or more accurately - from 3rd to 8th edition. Will this episode be a hit or a mis(fire)? Just give it it a shot (or nine)!

Join GJ as he explores the history of Nuln, a city renowned for its engineers and gunpowder contraptions in the first of this two-part episode on Empire gunpowder weapons. From the short-lived (both literally and figuratively) Nipponese grenades of 3rd edition to the famed and feared Hochland Long Rifle, if you can lift it and it says "BANG!", we'll discuss it in this episode.

Have you ever thought: "I love those 5th edition campaign packs but I don't play 5th? Why are they not also playable in 6th?" If that's you, then look no further than this episode. GJ interviews friend of the show Andreas from Germany who will tell you all about the 6th edition based, fan-made Warhammer CE edition and his effort to update the campaign packs for Warhammer CE.  And for those of you who want to check out what Warhammer CE is all about: http://armycreator.de/index.php#downloads

Join GJ as he takes a deep-dive into the lore and evolution of the most useless - er - most noble of all the High Elves, the Phoenix Guard. From the fearsomely silly reason for causing fear to the actual Phoenixes of 8th edition - that don't really need guarding - to the special and not-so-special Phoenix Guard characters, this episode will tell you all the things the Phoenix Guard themselves won't. 

It's time to choose! This week Nathan is put through the wringer as he's got to make tough choices between some of his favourite Warhammer factions, gods, vampires, and more. You can play along at home, but make sure you don't get any of these totally subjective questions wrong!

In this finale of our look at the legendary boxed campaigns of 5th Edition Warhammer Fantasy, GJ takes you to Ulthuan to share a story about two brothers who want nothing more than to murder each other.  The High Elves and Dark Elves clash in a tale of treachery, violence, and envy that tears a noble family apart. Or as the Elves of Warhammer would call it: A normal Tuesday.  

Apparently people who love Warhammer Fantasy also love Lord of the Rings! Who would have guessed that? Nathan and GJ sure love them both, and on this episode they talk about the good and bad of the LoTR influence on Warhammer, what things they might steal from LoTR to add to Warhammer, and which of the settings is their favourite. Join us for a two legendary Fantasy settings, all in one podcast! Also Nathan forgot his adapter at work and had to use his MacBook microphone. Sorry if he sounds a little odd. 

Join GJ for an evening paint session In this experimental bonus episode. Settle in and paint some models of your own while GJ talks you through his High Elf project and whatever else comes to mind! Apologies for the audio on this episode, there were some issues with the recording. Please imagine that GJ is talking to you from inside a deep sea submarine and it'll sound just right!

Gather round young Liches, Grand Hierophant GJ is here to relate the great history of Tomb King Magic from 4th Edition all the way up to the End Times. It's time to unearth a few of Warhammer Fantasy's lesser known magical lores.  Chart the great magics of the undying dynasties, Starting with their time as part of the unified Undead, then as a fully formed faction, and then back to part of the reunified Undead because time is a flat circle.

Get ready for a Perilous Quest as GJ takes you on a tour of this gallant Warhammer Fantasy campaign. Get ready for tournaments, sneaky elves, and a lot of chivalry. Seriously, a lot of chivalry. You've been warned. it's not our fault if you get caught up in the story and immediately ride off on a quest for the grail. Don't put that on us. (Unless you find it, in which case remember who inspired you!) Anyway, enjoy Perilous Quest, Starring Bretonnians, Wood Elves, and a magic cup!

Nathan and GJ are back together this week to bring you serious Warhammer talk. Would Sauron survive the Warhammer World? Is Athel Loren scarier than the Chaos Wastes? Can you wrap yourself in toilet paper and call it a Settra cosplay? These questions and more answered in this enlightening episode! 

We start off this week's episode talking about some changes coming to the Wargames Orchard. Then it's on to a Review of Kings Of War, the game of fantasy battles. Hmm, that last bit sounds a bit familiar... How does Kings of War feel to a life long Warhammer Fantasy player? Tune in to find out!

The Red Duke has risen, and with him come a legion of the restless dead! Only the brave knights of Bretonnia can hope to challenge this wicked vampire and return peace to the land. GJ's back to break down Circle of Blood. One of the wonderful boxed campaigns from 5th edition. Learn all about the scenarios and lore as the Vampiric Red Duke and his undead servants cause mayhem in land of chivalry. 

Beastlord Khazrak may only have one eye, but that doesn't stop him from raising War-hounds, and raising hell. With a magic whip and a hoard of beasts at his back, he'll take back the Drakwald for the true children of chaos! Join us as we look at Khazrak One Eye from 5th-7th edition.

What can the new Horus Heresy release tell us about GW's approach to Warhammer? Nathan think's there's good and bad omens afoot in GW's latest game revamp. Plus join us for two stories about servants of the Chaos gods as they get up to mischief and mayhem!

We've always liked Gork! He's big, mean, and green, and that's everything you could ask from an Orc God! You could maybe say that we idolize him... GJ is back with another deep dive into the glorious boxed campaigns of Warhammer Fantasy! This week it's Idol of Gork, where the forces of the Empire clash with the Orcs and Goblins!

When editions change in Warhammer, some units are sadly left behind. We say no more! In this episode we update some lost units from 3rd-5th edition to fit in with the later eras of Warhammer Fantasy. It's time to bring back our Mummies, Whelp Masters, and Sneaky Gits!

Nathan's recently discovered how much he likes birds! In light of this important news, we now bring you the History of Wood Elf Warhawk Riders! From their odd spiritual predecessors in 3rd, all the way to their armour piercing, killing blow glory days of 8th. We look at a unit that was markedly unique in every era of Warhammer! 

Goblins. Yeah! Goblins! But with crazy mutations, and weird magic swords, and maybe one of them is sort of a robot... We've ventured back into the 3rd edition Realm of Chaos books to build Gary, The Goblin Champion of Chaos, and his all goblin retinue of Terry, Barry, and Larry. This time the gods / dice are very generous, and we end up with what might be the weirdest warband in the wastes.   Oh and try not to stare at Larry's head, he's very self conscious about it.

It's two episodes for the price of one this week! Join GJ as he introduces you to the legendary boxed campaigns of 5th edition. Their names alone can send hobbyists into fits of nostalgic bliss: Grudge of Drong, Idol of Gork, Perilous Quest, Tears of Isha and Circle of Blood.  GJ then explores the lore and rules of Grudge of Drong. The Dwarfs and High Elves clash in four epic battles, in tale of love, taxes, and plenty of grudges.

Warhammer Art has gone through several styles and re-imaginings throughout the eras. The Cartoony brilliance of the Herohammer era, the grim dark of 6th, and the brooding colours of 8th all contribute to the look and feel of the Warhammer world. This week we're having some fun discussing the art of Warhammer, and choosing the best Army Book covers of each era.  

The Assassins of the Dark Elves have been terrorizing the Warhammer World in the name of Khaine since 3rd Edition. These blood drenched killers always pop up where they're least expected, and there's probably one right behind you. If there isn't, then listen to this episode where we uncover the dark lore and rules behind the (arguably) most deadly Assassins in the Warhammer World!