Podcasts about treasured

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In this episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' host Danielle Ireland introduces John Kippen, a resilience and empowerment coach, magician, and motivational speaker. John shares his incredible journey of overcoming a life-threatening brain tumor and how it transformed his life and career.  Throughout the episode, John discusses his healing journey, the power of vulnerability, and the importance of facing one's limiting beliefs. He also reveals the origins of his unique phrase 'impossible really means I am possible' and offers a special gift to listeners. Tune in to uncover valuable wisdom nuggets and be inspired by John's story of triumph over adversity.   00:00 Introduction to the Episode 00:40 Meet John Kippen: A Multihyphenate Talent 01:23 John's Life-Altering Diagnosis 05:46 The Surgery and Its Aftermath 08:04 The Road to Recovery 13:30 Embracing the New Normal 17:29 The Power of Truth and Magic 29:14 The Power of Magic and Connection 29:31 Introducing Treasured: A Journal for Self-Discovery 30:44 The Magic of Personal Connection 32:59 Overcoming Personal Struggles Through Magic 34:38 The Journey to Self-Acceptance 35:42 The Importance of Asking and Vulnerability 50:24 The TED Talk Experience 54:34 Final Thoughts and Encouragement   RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   JOHN KIPPEN: https://www.ted.com/talks/john_kippen_being_different_is_my_super_power_magic_saved_my_life   https://www.johnkippen.com   DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW Website: https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod?_t=ZP-8yFHmVNPKtq&_r=1 Transcript:   John Kippen Edited Interview [00:00:00] [00:00:07] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I have the great pleasure of introducing you to someone I can now call a new friend John Kippen. John is a multihyphenate. He has had quite a life and he's an excellent storyteller. So this episode you're gonna wanna buckle up. [00:00:31] It is so good. Get those AirPods in, go on your walk, get safely in your car, get ready to listen because this is just an absolutely beautiful episode. But let me tell you a little bit about John. John is a resilience and empowerment coach. He was and is the CEO of a very successful IT company. [00:00:49] He was a main stage performer at the Magic Castle in Los Angeles, so if that just gives you a little insight, is the level of his magic. He is a motivational speaker. He's a life coach, and. He has a TED talk that has received over a million views. And the heartbeat of this TED talk is how he triumphs over tragedy with a diagnosis of a tumor the size of a golf ball that is separating his brainstem and the procedure he needed to save his life, changed his life forever. [00:01:23] Doing the work of healing does not come easily to anyone, but as John so beautifully puts in this episode, if John can do it, you can do it. He's using his stories, his vulnerable and raw experiences, and talking about not only what happened to him, but how he moved through the impossible. [00:01:45] He actually coins a phrase that I love and I'm going to keep. Which is that impossible really means I am possible. So the ultimate magic trick, the ultimate illusion is what your limiting beliefs are about yourself, and how do you use facing those fears and those limiting beliefs to transform your life. [00:02:08] And in John's case, he takes that healing and offers it as a gift to us. As listeners to his clients and his coaching practice to the readers of his book, he has authored a book The Forward by None other than the Jamie Lee Curtis from all of the places. You know her most recently. The Bear where she won an Emmy, but everything everywhere, all at once. [00:02:32] She and John are buds, and she believes in him and believes in his work, and as a champion of that work, it just adds a little extra sparkle and fairy dust to the beautiful work that he's already doing to say that he's been vetted by someone who is so sparkly and magnetic and also deeply entrenched in holding space for the truth and honoring the truth. [00:02:52] This is a heartfelt episode, so what I would recommend. If you're in a place to do so is you might wanna jot some notes down because John drops some beautiful wisdom nuggets in this episode. And the book that he authored is playing The Hand You're Dealt. And what I wanna share too, we talk about it in the episode, but I wanna highlight this 'cause it's really important. [00:03:12] John is giving everyone who listens to the episode a free gift, but it is not linked in the show notes. It is only available to those of you who listen. It's a special little surprise embedded in the episode that you have to listen to find, but it is a free gift from him to you. So without further ado, get ready to sit back, relax, and enjoy the beautiful wisdom of John Kippen. [00:03:35] ​ [00:03:36] Kippen, multihyphenate resilience and empowerment, coach magician, keynote speaker, author, and all around. Nice guy. Thank you for joining me today on the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs podcast. [00:03:47] Danielle: Hollywood legend wrote the forward of his beautiful book, playing the Hand You're Dealt Forward by the one and Only Take It Away, John, Jamie [00:03:58] John: Lee Curtis. [00:03:59] Danielle: Jamie Lee Curtis. Yes. So you have to stay and listen to the entire episode because he's going to tease out a special little giveaway that will only be revealed in the audio. [00:04:10] So you gotta listen. It's not gonna be linked in the show notes, folks. So buckle up, sit down. This is gonna be a great episode with a fun gift for you, a special little dose of magic hidden inside. So, John, you, I mean, all the different fun things that we listed about what you do. You're a magician, you're a motivational speaker, you're a coach. [00:04:30] What I know doing the work I do as a therapist is the skills and trade that you're building your life on. Those were skills that they were. Hard one, like nobody chooses, in my opinion and in my experience, no one chooses to go into a helping profession that hasn't needed help in their life. It's like the, our healing becomes our medicine. [00:04:54] And I really wanna learn about not just what you offer, but your healing journey that put you in the unique position you're in to do the work you do. So, welcome and I'd love to hear from you. [00:05:05] John: So just quickly, the Reader's Digest version of my backstory. Grew up Los Angeles, middle class family, two great parents loving, no sisters or brothers, had everything I needed. [00:05:18] They sent me to a nice school and, I got into theater, started doing theater, in college. I studied theater and became the big man on campus because pretty much I grabbed every opportunity that presented itself. Started a computer company out of college. 'cause I'm a creative problem solver. [00:05:38] That's the thread that goes through everything I do in my life. [00:05:42] Mm-hmm. [00:05:42] John: I look at a problem, I say, how am I gonna solve that? [00:05:45] Mm-hmm. [00:05:46] John: And then in June of July of 2002, I was diagnosed with a four half centimeter brain tumor called an acoustic neuroma. [00:05:55] Danielle: Yes. And this was, so it was slowly severing your brainstem? Correct. [00:05:59] John: It was displacing the brainstem. Causing not only hearing issues, but dizziness upon standing or walking. [00:06:07] Mm-hmm. [00:06:08] John: I had to have something done with it. I would not have survived. [00:06:12] Mm-hmm. [00:06:14] John: And. It was a whirlwind , I went and saw the doctor who finally diagnosed it after seeing him the MRI films, and he, he had no bedside manner. [00:06:25] I remember sitting on the examining room table, right. And the, the tissue paper is crinkling under my butt. Mm-hmm. I could feel the, I could sense the temperature. I'm heightened sensitivity. [00:06:37] And he looks up at the MRI after talking to a neurosurgeon, and he turns around and says, John, you have a four and a half centimeter brain tumor. [00:06:46] It's killing you. We're operating you on Friday. You're gonna go deaf in your left ear, and there's a possibility for some facial weakness. We're gonna do everything we can to prevent that. And he left [00:07:01] Danielle: the room. So he knew, and in his own. Brash in abrupt way, essentially prepared you for the outcome and challenges that would come assuming the surgery was a success? [00:07:17] John: Yeah. He is a world renowned acoustic neuroma surgeon. He's one of the guys you go to, when you have this kind of tumor and that's all he does. Wow. But he literally left the room and I'm sitting there and I didn't bring anybody in and [00:07:31] yeah. [00:07:32] John: A tip to anyone who's potentially going in for a serious diagnosis. [00:07:36] Yeah. [00:07:37] John: Bring a friend or a family member. [00:07:39] Because it goes in one ear and out the other, you're in shock. Right. Right. When you get home and you say, wait a minute, he said that surgery gonna be four hours or 14 hours or 20. How, how long ago and you have all these questions. Yeah. And you know, getting ahold of the doctor to ask them again is just not the way our medical system works. [00:08:01] He's back to back, to back to back patients. [00:08:04] So, I checked in the night before, they did blood tests and I tried to get an hour or two sleep, 6:00 AM my clockwork the orderly came in and said, okay, get naked, get on this cold gurney. What a sheet over you and we're going take you to the operating room. [00:08:21] Danielle: I wanna pause your story for a moment. 'cause there's a couple things that I, I wanna tease out a little. So one is you, the way that you tell your story, so well probably because you've told it on stages, you've shared it with others, you've written about it. There is something about a trauma. [00:08:37] That really marks the sort of BCAD of life. And the way you shared, I felt like I was in the room with you when you were getting this bomb of news dropped on you so you were theater trained, theater kid, a creative person, a creative problem solver, and a business owner. [00:08:57] Like I, I think about that often when people are experiencing trauma. What, what was life sort of the, the illusion of normalcy. The, the, you know, the predictability of this is my life and this is my to-do list and this is my calendar. So before that moment, you were just a guy on the west coast running a business. [00:09:17] Is that right? [00:09:18] John: Very successful business. [00:09:19] Danielle: And I, I just wanna share briefly too, I haven't met too many other only children. Theater background 'cause that's me too. [00:09:30] John: Oh, really? [00:09:31] Danielle: I'm an only child and I was a theater major and started acting when I was 13, so before. But, the creative problem solver, God, my theater background has paid dividends in ways I didn't know at the time. [00:09:42] I didn't know that when I was preparing for this interview, but now that you've said that, it's like that thing that I couldn't put my finger on has clicked into place. [00:09:49] John: I love doing improv. [00:09:51] Improv is the, you know, everybody talks about being in the moment. [00:09:57] Yeah. [00:09:57] John: What does that really mean, being in the moment? [00:10:00] When you do improv, you have to be in the moment. Otherwise you fall flat. And everybody, you're doing improv looks at you going. Well, it's your turn. [00:10:10] Danielle: You've tapped in. Now you've gotta say something. How are you gonna move the story forward? [00:10:14] Exactly. I feel most alive when I'm engaged in moments like that. And I, it's, I'm not a, a adrenaline junkie, but I would say that's my high, it's the, rush of connecting with somebody like that. So you were running a very successful business. This bomb has dropped. [00:10:32] You can barely remember what you were told and what your life is likely going to be. Assuming everything goes well, what is going to happen when you wake up off your op? And how long was your operation? [00:10:46] John: 15 hours. [00:10:48] Danielle: And the surgery was a success. They were able to remove the golf ice tumor. [00:10:52] Yeah. So they removed the fall sized tumor. [00:10:54] John: I didn't have time to think, you know, I got one of my guys who worked for me told him that he was gonna be running the company for a month or two. He agreed. [00:11:05] Mm-hmm. [00:11:05] John: Had to shovel up some more money to get him to do it, but, you know, it is what it is. You do what you have to do. [00:11:11] Yeah. And then,, I just tried to think positively, hope for the best. Plan for the worst. You know, I had someone gonna stay with me the first week, make food because I just wanted to recover and I didn't know what it was gonna be like. [00:11:27] Danielle: Yeah. You're like, I just need a week to recover, and then I'm just gonna hop back into life, hopefully. [00:11:31] John: Rolling the gurney into the surgical, prep area. [00:11:35] The nurse saying, Hey John, you know, we know we have to shape after your head. You want me to do it now or after you're under. [00:11:42] Danielle: So you didn't even know that they were gonna shave your head. Well, I didn't think about it. [00:11:48] John: I mean, if I had thought about it, I got a shaved part of my head. [00:11:51] Danielle: Right. [00:11:52] John: I said to her, please. [00:11:56] Danielle: Yeah. [00:11:58] John: And so, they roll me into the operating room. You got these really bright lights, , blinding you, and you're laying there and they're like, okay, you're gonna count back toward five. [00:12:09] The next thing I know, I hear faint voices and it was like I was 30 meters deep in a pool. Struggling to get to the surface. And I remember this like it was yesterday, literally trying to swim to the service to regain consciousness. [00:12:26] And finally when I got enough, I realized that my dad was sitting on the edge of my bed holding my hand, [00:12:34] and [00:12:34] John: he was smiling at me, but I didn't see my mom. [00:12:40] So I asked my dad for my glasses and he handed me the glasses. And I remember trying to put the, and then I realized my head's bandage. [00:12:48] Danielle: Oh, right. [00:12:50] John: So I had to figure out how to get the glasses in Cockeye to get 'em on my face, right? [00:12:55] And the look on her face was one of horror. What did these butchers do to my son's face? And at that point, I didn't know my face was paralyzed. Because I have full feeling, I just can't move it. [00:13:10] Danielle: So you currently, you still have full feeling in your face. You just lost mobility, [00:13:14] John: so I didn't really understand what that look was. [00:13:18] Danielle: Right. How could you? [00:13:19] John: And then my mom handed me her compact makeup. [00:13:22] And I opened it up and I'm like, holy crap. And then, I'm still getting [00:13:30] accustomed to, the one thing I noticed is leading into surgery, I was constantly dizzy and that dizziness was gone. [00:13:38] Danielle: Wow. [00:13:39] John: And that was like, oh my God, what a relief. [00:13:42] Mm-hmm. [00:13:43] John: So the doctor finally made his way in and I was like, so when's my face gonna move? And he said, John, we were, successful. [00:13:50] The tumors removed. Right when we were close the incision, your face stopped moving. But we think it's just to do the swelling, and once the swelling goes down, your face should start moving again. So I'm like, okay. I can handle that. That's a, it's not a permanent thing. I can deal with it. [00:14:05] So I'm in the hospital a week and, they're like, when you can do three laps around the hospital floor, without a walker, we'll send you home. [00:14:16] So that became my goal. I remember getting outta bed and then they said, no, no, no. Wait for the, I said, no. The doctor said that I need to rock three laps around. [00:14:26] I want to get the hell out of here [00:14:28] Five days I got home. My dad drove me home and I sat on my couch and now I'm like, okay, I can start healing and check email here and there. And I was taking lots of naps. And then I coughed and I touched the back of my neck and it was wet. [00:14:45] Mm. [00:14:47] John: Oh, it was a spinal fluid leak on the base of the incision. [00:14:51] Whew. [00:14:53] John: So immediately I called the doctor's office and the said, oh, get your ass back here. And I went back to the hospital three times with them to redo the bandaging to try to prevent the leak. [00:15:05] Danielle: Wait, you call the hospital. Hey, their spinal fluid leaking out of my surgical incision. And they're like, yeah, you should get in a car and drive yourself to the hospital. [00:15:16] John: They didn't say how I should get to the hospital. [00:15:19] Danielle: Okay. Fair, fair. But that, [00:15:22] okay. Wow. ' [00:15:24] John: cause that's not good. [00:15:25] And there was potential for getting, spinal meningitis in that. From what I understand is one of the most extreme pains out there. [00:15:35] Okay. [00:15:35] John: I went back and forth three different times over that week. [00:15:39] They tried to, it was just as right behind my ear, right at the base of the incision. So, there was no way that they were going to be able to, put a pressure manage to keep that and so it could start healing. [00:15:51] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:15:52] John: So they finally said, all right, tomorrow you're gonna come in and we're gonna, redo the incision and pull more belly fat outta your belly to fill the hole. [00:16:01] And Yeah. This time they used staples, man, thick Frankenstein. [00:16:07] All the way up. [00:16:08] But then I'm like, I was only in the hospital for a day. And then, and I'm like, okay, I can relax. I remember getting up and brushing my teeth, you know, and I'm looking at the mirror and God, , I don't recognize that guy. [00:16:24] Yeah. And I got rid of all the mirrors in my house. [00:16:30] I didn't want a constant reminder. [00:16:33] My face was screwed up. [00:16:34] Danielle: I, there's so much specificity to what is uniquely your story. [00:16:46] Mm-hmm. [00:16:47] Danielle: But what I have found is when people. Are able to share elements of their experience. It's when you go into the specificity of what you experienced. I can see myself in so many elements of your story in my own, like when we get in deeper, it becomes somehow more accessible and universal. [00:17:16] And in that way, you're not alone, even though it happened to you and that detail about your removing the mirrors from your home. It, it brings me to something I really wanted to ask you about. You share by saying, and then also , by, actually demonstrating in your TED talk that, once you began the healing process of really addressing your depression after your operation, that, the story, it led you to magic, literally. And I also think in a more magical way, beyond performing an illusion. And I know not to call it a trick, I learned that from arrested development. [00:18:03] But, there's something you said that I wanted to quote that it's amazing how accepting kids are of the truth. You open up your TED talk, which I will link in the show notes so people can see. But that you mentioned that this in a way that your permission and your humor and your honesty, it created levity and lightness. [00:18:27] For something that would be considered maybe so precious and heavy. And what I wanna speak to, and open up a question if that's okay, is, I'm curious what your relationship with the truth is because I think humor in its highest expression is allowing us to laugh at something that we see the truth in. [00:18:49] And yet it's this razor's edge between laughing at someone or laughing at something versus inviting us to laugh at the, the human experience that we maybe don't know how to name or express in another way. But I wanna know personally for you, what your relationship is with the truth and the value of embracing it. [00:19:13] And then in your line of work as a coach, where do you see people struggle with it? [00:19:19] John: Truth is an illusion. [00:19:21] Danielle: Ooh, tell me more. That just, that was a zingy response that you popped right out. Please tell me more. [00:19:28] John: Yeah. Truth. Everybody has their own truth. [00:19:31] Danielle: Oh, well there you go. [00:19:32] John: Their own perspective, [00:19:34] Danielle: uhhuh, [00:19:35] John: And the truth is formed out of your limiting beliefs. [00:19:41] Danielle: So the truth is formed out of your limited beliefs, [00:19:44] John: your limiting beliefs. [00:19:45] Danielle: Limiting beliefs. Okay. [00:19:47] John: Yeah. [00:19:48] I just wanted to take a slight step back. [00:19:50] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:19:51] John: I told you this was gonna be the Reader's Digest version. [00:19:54] Danielle: Yes. [00:19:54] John: But it took me 12 years [00:19:57] To come out of that hiding. Wow. 12 years. [00:20:02] Danielle: How old were you when you had your operation? [00:20:05] John: 33. [00:20:06] Danielle: 33. Okay. [00:20:08] John: And fortunately for me, I could work from home. But I miss so many celebrations with friends and family. 'cause I just didn't want to have to explain it. I didn't want to have to deal with the looks, , and I tell this story on my TED Talk and in my book. You know, at a restaurant I wanted to get a burger at Tony Aroma's. And I'm sitting there by myself and in a booth, and there's a booth right in front of me and there's a family with a kid, two parents and a kid. And the kid's squirming and gets up and turns around and is now on his knees on the bench and looking at me. [00:20:44] And he gets up and he comes over and he says, Mr, what's wrong with your face? And in that moment, I didn't want to have a five or 6-year-old come over and Right. And I'm like, okay, I had the strength to come out and go to a restaurant. I have to deal with this. So I started talking to this little boy [00:21:06] Danielle: Mm. [00:21:07] John: And saying, I had a medical procedure that caused me not to with my face before I could continue his mom grabbing him [00:21:16] mm-hmm. [00:21:17] John: The arm and drug him back and said, don't bother him. The nice man, he has enough troubles already. And I couldn't leave it there. [00:21:25] Mm-hmm. [00:21:27] John: So I had to go to the little boy and I knelt down and I got eye level and I said, I love my new face because it's different. [00:21:34] It's different just like yours. And I remember it like it was yesterday, he took his fingers and he tried to distort his face to be crooked like mine. And he turned to his mom and said, look, mom, I could do that too. And then he went back to eating his meal. His question was answered. [00:21:56] He had no judgment. And his parents were like, holy crap, did we just learn a lesson? How to raise our child? [00:22:03] They whispered, thank you on their way out. [00:22:07] Danielle: But there is something I, there, there's something to that woman's response to you that really resonated with me. [00:22:14] And it also, highlights the point you made so well about the, essentially the truth being relative. Because she projected onto you what her perception of your life was. Don't bother the nice man one, she didn't know you were nice, though. You are. But she didn't know that. Right. And she also didn't know what your troubles were or weren't, and she assumed that. [00:22:39] John: But I always wonder what her motives were. [00:22:41] Danielle: Right. [00:22:42] John: was it to make me comfortable or was it to make her and her son comfortable [00:22:48] Danielle: it for her? I think so. [00:22:50] John: And that's how I took it. [00:22:51] Danielle: I remember. So I have two children and I was pregnant once before and lost that pregnancy. [00:22:57] 12 weeks in. And I haven't thought about this in a very long time, but I remember going into, a annual doctor's appointment and she saw on the chart that I was listed as pregnant and clearly now was not. And it was in her own discomfort of not, she was asking me about the baby thinking, 'cause she was not my ob, GYN it was a different type of doctor. [00:23:20] And, she caught. Oh, and then I had sort of explained to her what that meant, and then she said, well, I'm sure, you blame yourself and I want you to know it's not your fault. Like she took her discomfort and tried to turn it into, she positioned herself above as someone who knew what he was experiencing and wanted to offer me this sympathy that was, one, she was wrong. [00:23:45] I totally misplaced. Yeah. I didn't blame myself. And it, that, that moment was such an extension of her own inability to hold the moment and the discomfort of the moment, and, tried to offer it up as a gift for me, which that's, yeah. [00:24:03] John: It's your perception of how you deal with that. [00:24:06] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:24:07] John: Losing a child can be. Empowering because you know that you can try again and get a child that is not gonna have any kind of defects and is gonna have a good life. And you know whether or not you believe in God or not. [00:24:24] Danielle: Yeah. [00:24:25] John: Things happen for a reason and we don't always understand the reason for them. [00:24:30] Danielle: I don't know if it, what the reason was, but I can say a gift from that was that somebody who lived with a very active monkey mind and a lot of head trash and some anxiety in the experience of the early grief, not for very long, but there was a moment in time where my mind was quiet, not numb, but quiet. [00:24:55] And it helped me realize, oh, there's the observer within me. Then there are the different conversations that are happening in my head that aren't me, which are maybe the perceptions that I call truth sometimes I wanna bring that same question of truth, which you had an answer I was not expecting, which I love when I never see it coming, so thank you. [00:25:18] Where do you see your clients? Because you're a coach, right? You are taking your healing and offering it as medicine to people that are trying to make a connection in their own life. So where do you see people that you work with? Struggle with the truth? [00:25:36] John: Everybody's hiding from someone something in their life. [00:25:40] They have buried something so deep and it keeps them from moving forward in their lives. 'cause it erodes their self-confidence. [00:25:50] That's what I learned through my love for performing magic. [00:25:58] Going to the magic castle, sitting at a table with a paralyzed face. [00:26:03] Yeah. I'm this overweight guy with balding, balding with a paralyzed face. And I could sit at a table and have people come to me. I tell this story sometimes, that the Magic Castle is a place where you have to get dressed up to the nines, you know? And women love to get dressed up [00:26:22] Danielle: That's true. [00:26:23] John: They're wearing their best outfits, right? And all of a sudden I'd have five or six women sitting at the table, and their reactions are very guarded. [00:26:34] Hmm. [00:26:36] John: You know, they're sitting there with their legs and arms crossed. [00:26:39] Hmm [00:26:40] John: they're leaning back. They have a smile that's just more of a grin. [00:26:45] Mm-hmm. ' [00:26:47] John: cause I don't know what I'm about. Sure. They don't know if I'm gonna be inappropriate, if I'm gonna come onto them, if I'm what it is. So they have no expectations other than they're gonna see some magic. [00:26:58] Mm-hmm. [00:26:59] John: So I start my act saying, hi guys. My name is John and I'm doing magic all my life. [00:27:05] But in 2 0 2 I had a brain tumor. And when they cut over my head, they traumatized medication, nerve offense, a paralyzed face. But something happened to me on that talk table that day, Danielle. [00:27:16] Mm-hmm. [00:27:17] John: I'm not sure what it was because I was unconscious. All I know is I recovered. I realized I had acquired some new skills and I pause. [00:27:29] Yeah. And I wait for everybody to get on the edge of their seat. Like, what happened, John, what? Skills. Skills I could acquire. I'm having brain surgery. [00:27:40] Mm-hmm. I [00:27:41] John: looked to my right and I looked to my left like it's the biggest secret. [00:27:45] Lean in and I whisper in a loud voice as I am able to visualize people's thoughts. And then I do some mental magic mentalism. Love it. And what I just did was I turned my biggest challenge into a superpower. [00:28:07] Danielle: Yes, you did. And I wanna pause you because when you said that in your talk, have, have you read Elizabeth Gilbert's book, big Magic? [00:28:15] Yes. [00:28:15] Danielle: When she talks about trickster energy, I was like, John Kippen is a freaking trickster. [00:28:22] That is trickster energy that you can shift. Before someone's very eyes. It's like you are performing magic and you are performing magic. You shifted before them and you invited them, your audience to see beyond their own limiting beliefs, their own projected truth. [00:28:47] John: They were distracted. They wanted to know why it was paralyzed, but they couldn't ask, did he have a stroke? Did he have be palsy? What was the reason? So I found them being distracted when I was performing. So I got that outta way in the first two minutes. [00:29:00] Mm-hmm. [00:29:01] John: I explained why my face is paralyzed. [00:29:03] And now I treat it as the experience is now I'm able to do superhuman things. [00:29:10] And now they're like, okay, cool. So as I perform [00:29:16] I focus on the spectator. Magic happens in your mind as a spectator. [00:29:22] Danielle: Oh, I love that magic happens in your mind [00:29:26] ​ [00:29:31] If you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:29:51] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:30:10] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:30:29] So my hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode.​ [00:30:44] John: Magic is what you see in your mind or someone else sees in their mind. [00:30:49] Magic is that thing that immediately makes you present. [00:30:56] Danielle: Yeah. [00:30:57] John: And your, all of your sensors are now in a heightened state , whether it's a sunset or a beautiful beach or a beautiful woman or a magic trick or whatever it is, there's that sense of awe and wonder. [00:31:15] So as I would start to take each spectator, I would learn their names. [00:31:19] And I would use their names throughout the show. [00:31:22] Danielle: People love that. [00:31:23] John: People, I ask them, the one word in everybody's language that they love to hear the most is their own name . and so I use that as a way of engaging the audience. [00:31:33] They start leaning in and now they've got real smiles on their face [00:31:37] and I can literally see this wall that women in today's society are forced to put up as a self-protection mechanism. [00:31:45] Yeah. [00:31:46] John: I see this wall start to grow as they start to identify with me and they're like, I'm okay being myself. [00:31:54] And then the end of this [00:31:56] they're asking permission to hug me. [00:31:58] And , having a creative mind, I wanted to understand. What that is. What that, what was going on. [00:32:06] Danielle: You also, not only through performing magic, inviting the curiosity you could see in other people's faces into your opening act essentially, or your sleight of hand. [00:32:17] I'm gonna show you this over here so that you can not see what's coming here. Vulnerability in its purest form is magic because it's the one thing sharing the story you feel like you couldn't share. Letting somebody see the one part of you that you would never let anybody see 'cause you were so utterly convinced you would be outed or you would be cast out by exposing that vulnerability is the birthplace of true connection. [00:32:47] Yeah. Which is the ultimate magic trick. It's, it's like what they say in nightmares, if you stop and face the thing that's chasing you, it, it can't chase you anymore in the dream. And so you spent a decade, did I remember that correctly, you wanted to be a main stage performer at the Magic Castle? [00:33:06] It took you about 10 years and you did it. [00:33:08] John: I did. [00:33:09] Yeah. [00:33:09] Danielle: 10 years. [00:33:11] John: Yeah. [00:33:12] Danielle: 10 years. [00:33:13] John: It was my creative coping mechanism. I had hit rock bottom, was I suicidal? No, not really. But I was unhappy. [00:33:25] Danielle: Yeah. [00:33:26] John: I was, my girlfriend left me, and, fortunately I had a job that I could focus on. But I needed something more. And through sharing something so personal and tying magic into it and making it a positive instead of a negative [00:33:45] people are attracted to it. [00:33:49] Danielle: Yeah. Well, because you're holding fire in your hand. Yeah. You're not just saying it's possible, but you're living. You're turning it into a performance, which I think for an artist is one of the most selfless, beautiful acts. [00:34:11] John: It's what separates great artists from mediocre artists. What is he giving me to care about? [00:34:18] Danielle: I never thought about that with magic. What are they giving me to care about? [00:34:22] John: Yeah. What do I want them to think when they leave the theater? [00:34:27] Ability to put your own life in perspective. If John can, so can I. [00:34:33] That's my true message. [00:34:36] Any different is your superpower. [00:34:38] Now, my facial paralysis does not have to define me if I don't let it. [00:34:44] You know, Danielle I live my life that it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. [00:34:51] And that's bit me in the butt numerous times. [00:34:54] Danielle: I can also say the opposite, can bite you in the butt. I think I waited probably too long, many times for permission that wasn't really coming because no one can ultimately grant it. Right? Like, if there's a path you wanna carve, like the job that you built, all of the different things that you've done, there's no resume posted on LinkedIn. [00:35:15] No one's hot. Like that's an empowerment coach slash magician slash keynote speaker, slash documentarian like that. You have to get curious and still, and listen to that little voice inside and follow that curiosity to a path that may not make sense for anyone for a really long time. And I didn't do that. [00:35:40] And that can bite you in the butt too. 'cause regret's hard to hold. [00:35:42] John: Alex SBE came out on national television [00:35:45] to his fans, to the world and said, I'm scared. I am fighting the battle of my life and I'm gonna ask for everyone's good thoughts and prayers . of what I'm going through. I reached out to Nikki Trebek, Alex's daughter and I said, Nikki, I need to perform for your dad . we're having a 75th birthday party and we don't have any entertainment. [00:36:13] So if you wanna be the entertainment, and I was like. Damn. Yes. [00:36:18] Danielle: Well, yeah. I will go to his house and perform magic for him. a [00:36:22] John: restaurant, but [00:36:23] Danielle: Oh, a restaurant. Okay. [00:36:23] John: Wrote a unique magic show [00:36:25] With Jeopardy themes and the whole nine yards and he was actually at the table as one of my assistants. [00:36:33] Oh. Along with his daughter. so he was this, he needed to understand how things worked. [00:36:39] Was a genius. And so he was constantly looking at me like, wait a minute. That's not possible. Just embrace it, Alex. You're not gonna figure it out. Just enjoy it. [00:36:52] Danielle: That's awesome. [00:36:54] John: And there's, on my website, john kipp.com. There are some magic videos and there are two videos of me performing for Alex , sat with him, and I said, Alex, I need to share something with you that, when you came out so publicly about your diagnosis [00:37:10] I asked for everybody's support and love and prayers that resonated with me. I am here to give to you. You've been a part of my life and the lives of millions of people. [00:37:27] And your life's work is meaningful. [00:37:30] I just wanted to tell you that, 'cause I had a feeling that no one ever takes the time to say thank you for your life's work. [00:37:37] And he immediately started welling up. [00:37:39] Danielle: Well, anybody who makes something look easy that we do take for granted. [00:37:45] And I think that, like I appreciate so much in the telling of your story, you share not just the struggles, but the time you had a vision of yourself. On the main stage performing at the Magic Castle, like the most elusive place where magic is. And you didn't just wanna get in, you didn't just wanna get an audition, you didn't wanna just like get to per perform an illusion, like main stage. [00:38:23] You didn't just have a goal. You had the goal and you did it, but you also say that it took you 10 years. And there's usually themes that run with anxiety, about not enoughness and the crunchiness of time. There's never enough time. I'm not enough and there's not enough time. And not being worthy. [00:38:42] Yes, yes, yes. One of my main motivations when I started this podcast originally several years ago, was I was. Starting to increasingly feel, trapped in this sort of, world of before and after story. And it was no longer feeling inspirational. It was just another measuring stick for how not enough. [00:39:03] Yeah. 'Cause it, it's great to see where somebody was and where they are, but when I'm knee deep in my own struggle when I'm the caterpillar goo and the chrysalis, and I'm not the shiny butterfly, but I'm also not the caterpillar anymore. What do I do when my life is literally a shitty pile of goo this is something that most clients don't come right out and ask me like in sessions one, two, and three. But it inevitably comes well, I've been doing this for, so many months. How much longer is it gonna take? How long is it gonna take? And I just always, I appreciate when people can acknowledge. [00:39:41] The time and consistency that goes into healing [00:39:47] John: joy is in the journey. [00:39:48] Danielle: Mm. [00:39:49] John: Not in the destination. [00:39:51] And that's the thing I really focus with my clients. [00:39:55] I have clients come to me because they're holding themselves back in their life. [00:39:59] And it's my job to get that out of them by asking open-ended questions, by building a rapport, I can trust this guy. [00:40:08] Danielle: Yeah. Would you say that's your superpower as a coach? [00:40:11] John: Through my journey of reverse engineering who I am and who I wanted to become. Coming out the other side immediately understood that it's not about me. [00:40:24] Danielle: Yes. It's only true every single time. [00:40:27] John: The joy comes from helping others get that realization, [00:40:32] That they understand they are truly powerful and have a chance to shape their destiny. [00:40:40] That's why I talk about limiting beliefs. [00:40:43] And we grow up with our parents or whoever raised us, those are our belief systems. [00:40:49] And so that's what forms who you are. You stop dreaming. [00:40:54] That's what midlife crisis is all about. [00:40:58] Danielle: Yeah. [00:40:59] John: We got educated, we got a job, we built a career. We have a family. [00:41:06] Danielle: It's, I think the version of that I hear in my sessions is essentially I did everything right. Shouldn't I be feeling better than I am? Yeah. Like, I followed all the rules. I'm winning. Why does it not feel like I'm winning? Yeah. And finding our way back to that. [00:41:29] The unlearning and the unraveling. That is a, it's a process. [00:41:34] John: I'll talk to a friend. How you doing? And so many people respond automatically living the dream. But is it your dream? You're living? [00:41:46] Whose dream are you living? Because you're wasting your life by living someone else's dream. And that's why you get to that point in life where it's not enough. [00:41:58] Cause it's not your dream. You just finished the last 30 years building. [00:42:03] Danielle: Yeah. And the joy really is in the process and there's no way to enjoy the process of fulfilling the wishes of somebody else because you, what you're constantly chasing is when I get there, then the relief will come and then you're there and you're like, well, where's my pot of gold? [00:42:22] John: Yeah. I had, I spent 20 years learning how not to hide my face. [00:42:28] And what happened in March in 2020? The pandemic hit [00:42:33] now covering your face with a mask, became not only politically correct. [00:42:41] But government mandated and I'm like sitting there thinking to myself, what do I do? So I found a company who prints things on masks and I sent them a picture of my face and a picture of the lower part of my job. [00:43:01] Danielle: Trickster energy, John Kippen trickster. That's the new hyphen to your list of all of your accomplishments. [00:43:08] John: I would walk around and strangers would look at it and not understand. [00:43:12] Danielle: Right, right. But people who knew me [00:43:15] John: would do a double take. [00:43:17] Danielle: I will not hide. [00:43:19] John: Refuses to hide. [00:43:20] Even through a global pandemic. [00:43:23] Yeah. [00:43:23] John: I'm gonna live my life [00:43:25] Danielle: mm-hmm. On [00:43:26] John: my own terms. [00:43:28] Danielle: Yeah. I work too hard, too long to get free and I will not hide for you. Wow. Wow. And [00:43:37] John: when I share that story, people like, wow, John's done some soul searching. [00:43:44] Danielle: Which is why your clients come to you. [00:43:46] John: Yeah. [00:43:46] Danielle: Yeah. I unfortunately have come across many. People in the helping profession that haven't started with their first client, which is themselves. I put myself in that camp. I've talked about it on the podcast before, but I didn't start seeing a therapist until I became one, which is probably not the right order, but I didn't realize until I was sitting there trying to help people. [00:44:09] And then my own stuff was getting activated in the session. It's called Counter Transference. And, yeah, I was like, oh shit, I gotta look at the mirror. I gotta do a little more digging. But I think a, what leads a lot of people into helping professions is its desire to heal. And it sounds like in your case you did the herculean task of lifting your own self up before you said, now what can I offer you? [00:44:39] I wanna ask, just a purely curious, selfish question before we get to the very end I wanna ask. In your book playing the Hand you're Dealt how did you connect with Jamie Lee Curtis? The same way you did Alex Trebek? Did you just find someone and you DMed them and [00:44:55] John: you're like, her assistant worked for a production company [00:45:00] in a previous job. [00:45:02] Danielle: Gotcha. [00:45:02] John: That I knew. [00:45:03] When Jamie was like, I need it. So help with my computer. Her assistant said, I've got the guy for you. And I remember being at Jamie's house. [00:45:15] She knew me before my facial surgery, and after. [00:45:18] Danielle: So you have a history then? [00:45:19] John: Oh yeah. We met in 2000. [00:45:21] Danielle: Oh, okay. [00:45:22] John: So she saw me before. [00:45:24] She saw the struggle. Sure, she has two. Great kids. [00:45:29] And she adopted me as her third child. Wow. She saw the ability to help me. And so I had a filmmaker friend of mine reach out and said, John, I'd love your story. [00:45:45] I want to film a documentary on you. And I'm like, cool. So I realized I'm paying for the damn documentary. [00:45:51] Danielle: Oh. So I wanna offer you this gift, and by the way, here's the bill. [00:45:55] John: Yes, exactly. But at that point, I'm all in and I'm like, what do I have to lose? I'm a risk taker. I can afford it. [00:46:01] I've got money in the bank. [00:46:03] Let's make sure we stay on budget or close to budget, so there I am working on Jamie's computer and I'm staring at the screen and I'm summoning the courage. Ask Jamie. So I'm telling her the story. My friend Ryan's gonna direct this documentary about my life and my journey, and then I pause and I'm just staring at the screen. [00:46:23] I feel these eyes burning into the side of my head. [00:46:26] Mm-hmm. [00:46:28] John: And Jamie says, and [00:46:32] Danielle: I love that she didn't do it for you, but she made you do it. [00:46:36] John: And then at that point, I realized what the question was. I said, Jamie, will you be in my documentary? [00:46:44] And she goes, fuck yes, I will. [00:46:48] Danielle: Yeah. [00:46:49] John: She gets it. [00:46:50] Yeah. [00:46:51] John: Going through her sobriety, she wears her sobriety on her. Shoulder as a badge of honor. [00:47:00] And that is her message. [00:47:02] Yeah. [00:47:03] John: If she can get people to stop drinking by showing up for people. That's her ultimate goal in life. And so, she saw in me what I didn't see, [00:47:18] Danielle: and you asked the question. I think it's a lesson that I feel like I'm eternally playing a game of peekaboo with where I forget, and then I remember and then I forget and then I remember. But like the opportunities that you're asking for, you have to ask. [00:47:39] Yes. You have to say the thing. Right. Which is so brave and so vulnerable. But then the magic is sometimes when you ask, someone will say Yes. Now, in your case, she was essentially lovingly poking you until you, [00:47:55] John: asked. There was a point where I was debating plastic surgery. [00:48:00] Did I want to try to fix my face? Because at the end of the day, I wanted symmetry at rest. I wanted to be able to get rid of the droopiness and just, have a symmetrical base. That's all I really wanted. Sure. And because I would say, I hit my smile. And I've had friends come up and say, John, your first smile, we love your smile. [00:48:23] But I didn't love my smile. And until I, not up here, not in my head, but in my heart, accepted my smile. I couldn't move forward. I couldn't heal. And once I accepted my new smile, I found joy. I found that I could love myself. [00:48:46] And what's funny is when you get to that point, [00:48:49] yeah. [00:48:50] John: You overcome whatever that thing is that's holding you back. [00:48:53] Yeah. [00:48:54] John: And you want to share it with every person you come in contact with. [00:49:00] Danielle: Yeah. You are the love you're seeking. [00:49:02] John: Yes. Yes. And you are your acceptance. [00:49:05] Danielle: It reminds me of, something. He said in an interview, in, A New Earth, but author Eckert Tolle said that right before his essential death of the, he called it the death of his ego, but we could call it enlightenment or rebirth. [00:49:19] But he remembers the last thing he said before he went to sleep was, I can't live with myself anymore. And it wasn't about in the interpretation , of , taking one's own life . but what he realized is that he couldn't live with the self that was hating him. He couldn't live with that self. [00:49:40] And that self never woke up. But he did. [00:49:45] John: Through my journey [00:49:46] Of coming to accept myself for who I am. I immediately see others. [00:49:53] Yeah. [00:49:53] John: How they're hiding. [00:49:54] Before they recognize it. And so my coaching is all about not saying, this is why you're hiding. [00:50:03] That's what's holding you back. [00:50:06] Danielle: What you said about once you, you see somebody's wall so clearly because you understand your own so well. My less eloquent way of saying that to clients, it's once you smell bullshit, you can't unm it. It's the scent in the air and you're like, huh, what am I smelling? [00:50:23] Oh, it's bullshit. Well, John, I would love to know your, don't cut your own bang moment. [00:50:30] John: I'm backstage. There are a thousand people in the audience and I had theatrical training I had a talk memorized. It had to be 12 minutes long. [00:50:39] I'm doing a magic trick with other people that are coming up stage. I needed to control that. I got there early the morning of the TED Talk and helped the guys focus the lights so that it looked better. I'm all in. I want to shine in this TED Talk. , I remember I'm going up on stage and I'm saying, to the cherry picker operator, can I give you a hand? Because I have lighting experience. And I expected the presenter come and say, no, John, you're the actor. Go in your, the green room and there's some donuts and coffee , and we'll call you already, but you didn't. She knew that I was there to make the entire event better. And she let me do it, [00:51:18] That's awesome. [00:51:19] John: This is my first real speech. Okay, in front of a thousand people. And I knew that I had a limited time to get the audience on my side. [00:51:30] Get the audience engaged. How was I gonna be able to break their, going through their phone, talking to a neighbor, drinking, eating, snacking in a full day of speech? [00:51:41] Yeah. [00:51:43] John: So I said, I wanna go first. And everybody has said, great, but we don't, you can go first. And right before the mc went on stage to introduce me. I did a magic trick war. I turned Monopoly money into real money and then back again. [00:52:00] So as a magician, everything was possible. I turned monopoly into real money, but then I realized that's actually called counterfeiting he stays out for like seven seconds. I did that to the mc and now he just saw a miracle happen. [00:52:16] So he turns around and walks on stage beaming, and he told that story to the audience and said, Hey guys, your next speaker just did a miracle. He turned monopoly money into real money in front of my eyes. Pay attention to this cat. [00:52:37] Yeah. [00:52:38] John: So I walked on that stage. I had the love of everybody in the audience that everybody wanted to see what I was gonna do. [00:52:46] Everybody wanted to hear what I was gonna say, so I didn't have to warm up the audience. I got the mc to do it for me. Genius. And I do that every time I speak because it works but anyway, three quarters of the speech, I'm standing on my red circle and I'm delivering my talk. [00:53:08] And the front lights go out. [00:53:10] Danielle: Wait, you were three fours of the way done when they went out. [00:53:13] John: I'm standing in shadows. And my first reaction was, whoa. That Whoa. Got the lighting guy to realize, holy shit, I hit the wrong button, and he brought the lights slowly back up. [00:53:27] As the lights went back up, I went magic [00:53:32] and so I got an amazing laugh from the audience. [00:53:36] Because I cut the tension, I was doing improv. [00:53:38] I remember walking off stage and the producer of the event said, John, don't worry about, we'll edit that part out. And I said, don't you dare. That was my finest moment. Don't you dare edit that out. [00:53:54] I want that in the video. [00:53:57] She just smiled as I went back to the dressing room and sat down and then the adrenaline was like, whew. Walking out into the audience after the event and having strangers just come up to me and wanna hug me and say, holy cow, I resonate with your message. [00:54:18] And my message on the TED Talk was, treat people are different with respect to compassion. [00:54:23] That's what TED talks are all about. You want one key message and that was my message. [00:54:27] You never know, you might be in their shoes in an instant. [00:54:34] Danielle: I wanna add to that, another way to speak to the value of doing some self investigation, whether that's through journaling, through therapy, or seeking out a coach from someone like yourself is, because that expression of, treat other people the way you would wanna be treated. [00:54:53] What I know is that we don't treat ourselves all that well. A lot of us, many of us don't treat ourselves well, which is why accessing the compassion. Of treating others kindly is sometimes harder for us to find, jumping to criticism or judgment, because there's something we are rejecting in us. [00:55:13] So I think a way to do the thing you're saying , that beautiful treat others with kindness and compassion. The best way to do that is to look within. And I invite anybody listening to go to the show notes, visit John's website, seek out a coaching call, grab a copy of his book. There are resources that can help you be kinder to yourself, to lowering the walls, to lifting the veil, to seeing yourself in a new way, to performing the ultimate illusion, which is [00:55:52] to love yourself more fully exactly as you are so that we can be kinder to each other. 'cause we need that, we need a lot more kindness. [00:56:00] Thank you, John. Do we have the information we need for our listeners to get the special code? [00:56:06] John: John kipping.com. [00:56:08] Slash free gift. [00:56:11] Danielle: Ooh, you heard it here. John kipping.com/free gift. And this is only the gift for those of you who have listened this far. [00:56:20] So if you listen to the beginning and you just try to skip to the show notes, sorry. You ain't getting a gift. Thank you, John. [00:56:28] Thank you so much for joining me on this incredible episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. I hope that you love listening because I thoroughly enjoyed making it. My favorite episodes are the ones where I get to learn something too. I'm also a listener. And benefiting from the wisdom and insights of all of the experts, creatives, performers, adventurers seekers that I get an opportunity to meet in this podcast format. [00:56:56] Don't forget to check out the show notes and please before you sign off , always remember rate, review, subscribe to the podcast when you interact with the podcast. It just helps send it out like a rocket ship to other people that are looking for the same value that you are. And it also helps create a conversation where I can continue to develop and cultivate something that benefits you more and is more fun for you to listen to. Feedback is great, and also if you just wanna throw a compliment, that's sweet too. But thank you so much for being here. [00:57:26] Your intention, your time mean the absolute world to me, and I hope you continue to have an incredible day. [00:57:32] ​

SermonPsalm 94July 27, 2025

In this solo episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland dives deep into the often overwhelming world of frustration. With recent personal anecdotes, Danielle tells you how to interpret and process frustration to improve relationships with others, and yourself - through self-reflection, journaling, and open conversations. Learn how to turn frustration into a guiding force for personal growth. Jump into the episode with Danielle for insightful, real-time processing and discover how to handle life's inevitable hiccups! 00:00 Introduction and Purpose of the Episode 00:32 Understanding and Processing Frustration 01:09 Personal Examples of Frustration 04:05 Methods to Address Frustration 10:19 Journaling and Self-Reflection 11:29 Recent Frustrating Experience 15:39 Final Thoughts and Conclusion RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus Transcription [00:00:01] ​ hello? Hello. This is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. A solo cast, a little snack cast. Man, I just had a frustrating situation happen and frustration happens if you are alive on this earth and interacting with other people, places, and or things. So nouns, if you're interacting with this world, you are going to feel this emotion. [00:00:23] You're gonna have this experience of frustration. And so I thought, let me hop on, let me channel this energy into something productive. 'cause it always makes me feel better about it. And we're gonna process in real time so let's talk about frustration. Let's talk about what frustration is telling you, what you can do about it, how you can process or explore it through a conversation or a journal. Using emotions and interpreting them like information , because they are, our emotions are our internal compass, our internal guidance system, and the way we emotionally respond to life is information that is, it's like a roadmap guiding us through the next right step. [00:01:04] So together we're gonna talk about what frustration is. What you can do about it, what it could be telling you. I'll share a little bit about what my frustration was recently. And I have another example too that's a little less fresh. But I think we can get conceptual, but then we also need to see it in context to really understand it. Frustration is always telling you something. It is always telling you something. It's never standing alone. You're never just frustrated. There is always, I am frustrated because I'm frustrated and feeling blank. It's always informing something every single time. [00:01:40] Oftentimes, especially if we're talking about relationships frustration is generally connected with either the other person, this other person didn't meet a need that they did or didn't know you had? [00:01:53] And that's fricking frustrating. [00:01:54] But either way, the frustration still stands. So it can either be informing something about a relationship. Someone canceling plans, someone changing plans last minute, someone no showing, someone ghosting you and not talking to you, or, somebody maybe. [00:02:08] Making jokes that you don't find particularly funny. Using sarcasm as a way to avoid having a real conversation. These are the examples that are fresher in my mind, but you can expand upon it in your own. Then there's also within frustration, there's the external interpretation, and then there's also an internal one, which is I am not doing something. [00:02:31] Necessary for me. I'm not speaking a truth out loud that needs to be said. I am not, either making time or space for myself in a way that's good for me. Sometimes frustration can come from. The emotion for me, for example, I was just talking to my husband the other day about the last family trip we took, I experienced a lot of frustration on that trip and what I know now more than I did. [00:02:57] Then again, frustration right before growth, right before expansion, right before clarity. Even though logically and cognitively, I knew that this is a family trip, not a vacation. You may or may not get downtime for yourself, but you do have help and resources. [00:03:14] So take the time where you can, your kids are gonna be okay. Everyone is gonna have their own experience. It's not your job to make sure everybody's happy, fulfilled, and it's not your job to make sure that nobody feels any discomfort. About every 15 minutes I was up checking on the kids. [00:03:29] I felt like I was the. Ticker time monitor of, okay, it's 30 minutes before snack. It's, 45 minutes before nap. And so my mind could never turn off and I never felt rested. I didn't believe that there was a way that I could make time or space for myself. And I'll be honest I didn't go into the trip thinking to myself that, it is your job to make sure everyone is happy, comfortable, and settled. [00:03:56] But what I felt on the trip was this frustration, irritation. I was irritated at everyone. I was exhausted. I felt trapped. So I used the method that I'm gonna talk about here to try to. Get a better look at what my frustration was informing, which has really empowered me for , weekends with the family or it, it's made the, I have had much better experiences since this particularly frustrating family trip because of what I now know through processing the frustration. [00:04:28] I wanna share this one with you. So I'm feeling frustrated about. Blank. Not getting time for myself, not being able to feel like I can step away, feeling like I have to be responsible all the time. I feel trapped. So the first thing is I'm frustrated about, and then you specify the element that is frustrating. [00:04:47] Then identify the emotion. I feel trapped. So when I sit with that and I get curious about the emotion of feeling trapped, well, where is that coming from? So this is another statement that I wanna offer you, that saying this aloud when the frustration as you're funneling through the process of understanding your frustration and what it could be informing for you. [00:05:12] The thing that I like to say to myself in a journal or out loud is some version of this, make it your own, knowing that I can never change other people and that I am the one who is responsible for me, I can. I want, I need, I will, and I use those sentence stems, but in some version of this process, after letting myself name the frustration exactly in the way I feel it. [00:05:40] I'm frustrated at so and so for never seeming to pick up the pace when, , knowing what needs to happen with the kids' schedule. I'll be as specific as I need to be. I'll vent, complain. Say it exactly how I feel it, and then ask another layer, right? So there's, that's the bob, and then the lure, I feel trapped because if I really look at the truth of that, I'm, I'm not trapped. [00:06:06] I'm at a family trip at a resort, in many cases if I really sit with that and open and access curiosity. There were many times where people were asking me, what do you need? Do you wanna go do blank? Do you wanna go do blank? And I was so caught up in my own narrative at the time that I felt trapped and I felt like I couldn't say yes. [00:06:29] And so who, who's responsible for that? Me. I can hold the discomfort of accepting help I want. To have 30 minutes to read a book uninterrupted. I want to go for a walk by myself on the beach. I need to exercise the practice of identifying my needs before jumping in and rescuing. And I'm using, I'm using air quotes here when I say rescuing, rescuing everybody from feeling any discomfort, because that's not my job and I will. [00:07:07] Be a better steward for myself in these moments. And then, then I could even if I wanted to take that context into a conversation with somebody and. Brainstorm. Okay, what could that look like in reality? So what would be a little commitment? Every morning I'm gonna give myself this 15 minute block, this 20 minute block. [00:07:32] I will commit to letting that be inconvenient for someone. The point is that your frustration is valid. Your frustration is real, it is being experienced by you. Therefore, the resolve, the action, the places you go, the conversations you have, or just the new informed way that you have of moving forward with that, it's uniquely yours. [00:08:01] That doesn't mean don't talk about it, don't share it with others, but it means that your frustration is yours and you are the steward. Of your wellbeing. So taking that responsibility lovingly and kindly can really help what not only make you feel more free to move through the world in a way that actually serves you. [00:08:22] It also makes you, I think, a safer partner, a safer friend, a safer ally coworker to other people because the more you know that you can identify your own needs. The easier it is to communicate them and honor them, even if I am the only one feeling frustrated by feeling trapped, going back to my example, the other people on the trip, even though they didn't know how I was feeling, maybe they didn't even know I was frustrated, I'm sure they could tell I wasn't operating at my best. [00:08:53] I might have been more clipped, more short, more, , tight smiled. The way that I was showing up and interacting with other people was felt. So this goes back to, and I don't like the, I need to think of a better example than this, but it is appropriate in this case, by not putting my mask on, I was losing air and it was sucking the air out of the interactions I was having with other people on this family trip. [00:09:16] Putting my mask on first, taking care of myself, and honestly honoring that there is room for me. It's okay for me to take up room and space. It's okay for my needs to be a priority before somebody else's. and so now as we're planning our next family trip, David and I I'm taking this context, I'm taking this memory, this experience, and the old feeling of frustration. [00:09:41] That discomfort was just strong enough for me to not forget it so that I remember to honor it. In that way too, the discomfort of some of the, I'll say less yummy feeling emotions that they have their place to be honored in that they are uncomfortable in a way that makes you pay attention. [00:10:01] And so my hope is always when I'm doing my own work is. How can I learn the lesson a little clearer, a little sooner, a little gentler? How can I become more in tune with the experience I'm having so that it doesn't have to get as uncomfortable as it got before? [00:10:19] Danielle: ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:10:38] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:10:57] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:11:16] So my hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode. [00:11:29] The example that just happened recently, an appointment was made, the person. Forgot it, lost it on their calendar. That happens. It does. And not being totally uptight and rigid about people missing appointments that has actually made my life easier, particularly in my personal life. [00:11:49] Because , it seems like as soon as I get up in arms about what I can and cannot accept from somebody else, it almost seems like within the week, karma knocks me upside the head and I end up making the same. Big mistake that I was so indignant about somebody else doing. So this isn't about, you don't wanna get self-righteous. [00:12:10] And in this particular case, a couple weeks later, it gets rescheduled and the same thing happened again. [00:12:19] And so what this is informing for me is a few different things. And this is in real time. 'cause this is actually pretty fresh. I'm frustrated about my time not being honored. I feel, what's another word that's not frustrated? I feel, disappointed. I feel hurt. I feel. Tender and I also feel creative, believe it or not, like that experience happening was part of what helped jumpstart this solo cast for existing. [00:12:48] So there can be multiple things true at the same time. And knowing that I can never change this other person, it's not my responsibility, and I actually hold no ill will against them. And I am the one that is responsible for me. What can I do? I can choose or not choose to reengage with them in the capacity that we were intending to work together. [00:13:07] What I want is to honor my own time. That's what I feel like I'm doing now. Things didn't go the way I planned, but there was still something meaningful that I could do with the time that was allocated before. So here we now sit, which is great. So that's something that actually is moving me forward. [00:13:20] I wanna honor my own time. And then also I think the thing like I need, and I will, I had, and this is a little vulnerable to admit, but it's true. I had this little inkling, this little spidey sense that this may or may not work, but because of other reasons. [00:13:43] There were exciting things. That I felt would be beneficial for me professionally. , Shiny things, I'll say maybe more ego-based, although not invalid, but ego-based things that working with this person might help support me in my work. I was maybe a little quick to overlook and dismiss the seeming lack of respect for my time by sidestepping that. [00:14:13] And just hoping it would work out, and that was my participation in it. I had a feeling sometimes you kind of get feelings about things, but I bulldozed over those because it was like a soft little speed hump. And I was like, no, no, there's all these features and benefits of why this should be a really good situation. [00:14:35] Don't read too much into it. Don't be negative. And so the first, the first cancellation happened, it happens. That is life. Now the second ones happen in a different way, in a slightly different package, but still like the same shitty gift. And now I have new information but I also have power and decide how I wanna move forward. [00:14:58] I'm channeling it into frustration. As a teacher, what is your frustration telling you? I'm channeling it into this podcast and I'm honoring my own time. Because if what I want is for someone else to respect my time, well, I'm really the one that needs to respect my time. And this can also help me become an even clearer communicator when I'm scheduling with someone, helping with reminders, double checking. [00:15:21] If that little whisper is persistently coming up that, hey, something smells a little fishy or something feels a little off, I don't have to maybe know in the fullest extent of the word what that means, but also don't ignore it, and that is what I did. [00:15:38] That's it. Whether your frustration is informing something about a relationship or a dynamic, or whether it's informing something about yourself and the way you're showing up in the world. Either way, it, one, it's okay if you're feeling frustration in real time and not being able to handle this process yet. [00:15:53] That's all right. Feel the feelings first. Revisit it second, but I hope that this little nugget, this little snap cast is. A companion for you that you can save, download, revisit any time you find yourself feeling frustration and know that though it is uncomfortable, it's, it's almost like itchy. It's like something scratchy. [00:16:17] Scratch the itch. Feel it. But then go back. Don't ignore it. Don't bulldoze past it. Revisit it and ask it. What is it wanting you to know? So I'm feeling frustrated about not getting any time to myself on a family trip. [00:16:33] I feel trapped knowing that I can never change other people. It is not my job, not my responsibility, and it is impossible. I am the person who takes care of me so I can. Plan ahead, get up 15 minutes earlier to have a couple of moments to breathe before everybody wakes up. I want to have a little bit of breathing room once or twice a day, usually, probably before a meal and after a meal. [00:17:02] I need to commit to this and hold this at the forefront of my mind so that it isn't forgotten, because I'm gonna be the only one that can make that happen for myself, and I will. Bring this new understanding to my husband or to whomever I'm traveling with, to hold myself accountable because I've said the thing out loud. [00:17:22] I can, I want, I need, I will. And then the little quote that I left at the end of this was more of a personal note for me, but I'll share it with you just because we're here doing this together. There is room enough for me. There is room enough for me. There is enough for me, there's enough space for me, there is enough time for me. [00:17:42] My stress and anxiety are almost always rooted in either not being enough, not having enough, not doing enough. And so this is a new practice, a new mantra that I'm saying for myself to help soothe that tender little one inside. Who needs to know that she's enough? Her feelings matter. [00:18:01] They're allowed to take up space and. She's got this. There's room enough for me, so I will leave you with that. Thank you so much for joining me in this little snack cast, solo cast of don't cut your own bangs. As always, it is a pleasure to sit and spend time here with you and in case you're new here too, because there are new visitors all the time. [00:18:20] I work by day as a therapist, and then by other parts of the day, because let me be honest, I don't work at night, but by other parts of day I have this podcast, which is one of my absolute favorite communities, places to process and to share insights I learned from my therapy practice with you in real time. [00:18:38] So that's what the solo cast are here for. But I hope you catch me next time on an interview. I interview creatives. Professionals, adventurers. People who are doing beautiful and amazing things in the world. Because what I wanna know is between the highlights, between the highlight reels on social media, between the big successes and milestones. [00:18:57] What happened when didn't, things didn't work out? What did you do when you faced out? What happened when you maybe failed 10 times before you got your first success? What did it look like when it was hard? And how can we all learn from that? Because that is what I'm struggling. What helps me is not just having a north star of what's possible, but also a path to get there. [00:19:18] And I think that hearing other people's stories is what helps me feel like I can survive. Thank you for being here. Your time and attention mean the world to me. And before you hop off, please remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. It really helps the podcast grow. It helps other people find us. [00:19:35] It also helps me get better. So if you leave a comment question, feedback, this is a community and a conversation, let's keep it going. But I hope you continue to have a wonderful day. ​  

SermonPsalm 93July 20, 2025

Unlock the Power of Self-Validation    Inspired by a recent therapy session, in this solo episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland explores the practice of self-validation. She shares insights on how to validate your own experiences, calm your nervous system, and push back against self-doubt. The episode includes practical examples, journaling tips, and real-life applications, making it a valuable resource for anyone looking to strengthen their self-awareness and emotional well-being.   RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.  DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus   00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview 00:12 Understanding Self-Validation 01:00 Practical Examples of Validation 02:12 Benefits of Validation 03:11 Self-Validation Techniques 05:39 Journaling for Self-Discovery 06:49 Client Story and Real-Life Application 07:57 Navigating Uncertainty with Self-Validation 10:22 The Power of Truth in Self-Validation 15:41 Children's Book and Emotional Education 16:56 Conclusion and Listener Engagement   Self Validation Solocast [00:00:00] Danielle: Hello. Hello. This is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I'm coming at you [00:00:07] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I'm coming at you with a tasty little treat, a little snack of a solo cast, we're gonna talk about validating the self, how this is a practice that you can do on your own, in your mind, in a journal. You can take this anywhere with you, and it is a fabulous tool to regulate the nervous system. [00:00:32] To calm down the chatter of self-doubt, those that overwhelming spiraling self-talk that we can get lost in. And I'm gonna talk about what validation is and what it's not, and how you can actually practice this in your own life. It came out of a really powerful therapy session that I gave this week, and almost as soon as I signed off of that call, my first thought was, oh dang, I need to share this. [00:00:56] So here we are validating the self. Simply put it is naming your experience. If we were thinking about it in terms of relationships, if it was me communicating with somebody else, validation is that I can hold space. I can see the reality and the truth of your experience, and I can honor that as true for you. [00:01:22] So for example, if. With my four, my 4-year-old daughter, for example, I can see for her experience, you really want a Popsicle. You really want a Popsicle right now, and I'm telling you it's time to go down for a nap. You're really upset that I told you you're not gonna get a Popsicle, and I can see how hard that is for you. [00:01:43] I'm validating that you are having an emotional experience that is different from me. In this moment, even though we're having, we're in the same room, right? We're breathing the same air, but you're having a very different experience than me, and I can see that is true and that is real for you. That is just a silly, small example. [00:02:05] Although it's based on very real, very real experiences. But that is how we can offer validation for somebody else. The benefit of doing that for someone else is it lets them know that they're not crazy. It's not just in their head. It's all of the invalidating language that I'm sure we are all very familiar with. [00:02:26] Like you're being dramatic. You're being over the top. Calm down. It's not that big a deal. You just need to get over it. You're not being logical, too emotional. Those are all ways that we can be invalidated, that we have been invalidated, and that we can invalidate somebody else. So to repeat what validation is, is I can see the truth of your experiences based on the circumstances that are before you. [00:02:55] You, there's something you really want. There's something that you didn't get your experiences, you're disappointed and upset. You're telling me you don't wanna go to bed, and I can see that is true for you, and I can hold space for myself for having a different experience. So now we're talking about validating the self, and I'll talk about how you can also do that outside of an interaction with somebody. [00:03:18] In my experience, my daughter's upset. She's screaming about a Popsicle. She's telling me she doesn't wanna go down for a nap. She's telling me she's not tired. And then here's my experience. Here's what I know. What I know is it's 1230 I. You normally go down for a nap at 12, you're already getting tired. [00:03:36] I've seen you rubbing your eyes. I've been down this road with you many times before. I know it's hard for you to stop having fun when you wanna keep having fun, and I also know I'll pay for it later. If I don't get you down for a nap. There's likely gonna be a meltdown later. So my experience is I'm witnessing the emotional eruption and upheaval. [00:04:00] Of having to tell you, no, you can't have a Popsicle, and yes, you are going down for a nap. That's stressful for me. This isn't what I want either. What I want is to just give you what you want so that I can go chill and read my book [00:04:14] I don't wanna deal with a tantrum. This is hard for me to, I know that it's the right thing to do, so I'm going to do it anyway. And I also know that you are for. And your brain is only developed four years, and your job is to want what you want. And my job is to do the best I can to take care of your beautiful brain and body. [00:04:35] So I can honor that. That is my experience, and I'm not making her responsible for my experience because she's entitled to have her own. And it's very different than mine, even though we're breathing the same air, we're in the same space. I can regulate myself and I can regulate my own nervous system. [00:04:53] By honoring, you're doing what you know is right, you're doing the best you can in this moment. You're frustrated too. You're disappointed too. You don't like dealing with this either. You wish this were easier, all of those things that are true. And each time I allow myself to acknowledge the truth of my experience to myself, even if it's just in my own mind. [00:05:19] I can feel what I actually physiologically experience, I physically experience like tingles in my legs. That must be a way that my nervous system is letting me know that it's calming down, but I breathe and I'm speaking the truth for myself to myself. That always puts me in a clearer frame of mind. [00:05:39] If you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:05:58] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:06:17] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:06:36] My hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode. [00:06:49] Danielle: so in this session with a client where this concept came out, this was one of those moments where. My client, had just made a really, really hard decision about her life and her family, and she was in that really tender early stage of making a new decision where there's a fork in the road and you're starting down this new path based on the new choice that you've just made. [00:07:18] You're not so far down the road. It's like you're almost walking parallel paths before they really start to split off into a v and I'm making these new steps forward, but it's hard and it's scary and it's new. [00:07:33] This is definitely unknown. And then I can still see the well worn path next to me that I. Could have been on if I had just stayed the same. And it's in that space where validating the self can be. If you find yourself in a similar couple steps past a fork in the road moment, this too may be really impactful for you. [00:07:57] And it's not about knowing. The outcome of your choice, because that is impossible. It's so easy to just try to get our hooks into something that feels safe and sturdy and stable. But all you know, I'm here. I've made this decision. This is hard. This is scary, this is new. [00:08:22] And even though you're not making a false promise to yourself, and you may actually be admitting something that's hard, like this is really challenging, I feel really uncertain. I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. I feel lost those statements. It's not false hope, and it's not toxic positivity. [00:08:42] You're not trying to spin the truth into something palatable. You're letting the truth exist, and you're also making the statement with a period at the end of the sentence, I feel lost. I don't know what to do tomorrow. I'm here. I've done it. I'm scared. It's a statement and then it, there's a period at the end of that sentence. [00:09:07] Each time you do your own version of that, which is self validation, your nervous system calms down. There is this activation that can happen with anxiety and self-doubt, especially when we feel lost. Our mind is looking for certainty, and so it'll start asking us questions and in particular questions like, why? [00:09:35] Why did this happen to me? Why are they doing this? Why aren't they calling me back? Why aren't they texting me? And the problem with those types of questions phrased in that particular way, you're asking yourself questions that you can't know the answer to. That will activate more anxiety because more questions you can't know the answer to will lead to more questions you can't know the answer to, and you will start to experience that as dread and doom and or you will also very likely, and this is referencing Brene Brown, here, you will insert your worst fear with your uncertainty, like your uncertainty gaps of knowledge and understanding. [00:10:13] I'm just gonna insert the worst fears I have about myself or the worst possible outcome I can think of. This does not help your nervous system. This does not help you feel safe. Validating the self. It's not false hope, it's not toxic positivity. It is to the simplest, most base way you can say it. [00:10:31] What is the truest thing? The truest thing about what you're experiencing in this moment and let it exist. Take a breath. [00:10:40] Say the thing, and it might be a hard thing. It also might be a simple thing. It might be, I don't know, but even saying you don't know is radically different for your brain and body in terms of being able to regulate and deescalate. Saying you don't know is different than asking a question you cannot answer and. [00:11:04] Sometimes, I don't know, is the truest thing you can access, but I can guarantee you, even though I probably shouldn't be making a guarantee, I can guarantee you, you say you don't know and you take a beat. You follow up with, well, what do I know? You will have an answer. I promise you will have an answer. [00:11:25] What I know is I can't go back. What I know is I made the best possible decision I could in the moment. What I know is I'm here. What I know is I'm breathing. I'm sitting in a chair. What I know is I can feel my blanket on my lap whatever it is. If you sit with the unknown and you let it exist for just a couple of breaths, something will reveal itself to you, and this is why self validation can be so powerful. [00:12:00] Your body responds to truth. So just a little information about lie detector tests. They don't detect lies. There's actually no way to measure physiologically a lie. What lie detectors measure is your body's stress response. Most of us, not all, some people can hijack the system, especially if people have low empathy. [00:12:22] That are affected by lies or it's not practiced out of them. But I would say for the majority of us, when we speak something that isn't true in our mind or allowed, our heart rate will raise, perspiration will increase, and your body will have a reaction to stress. So when you speak the truth, whatever that truth may be, there is a reason why. [00:12:50] When I am in a session with somebody and either it comes out of my mouth or it's their own knowing in the moment when the truth is known, it stabilizes you. And sometimes it is a really hard hard truth, but the truth, no matter how hard it's the right kind of hard and arguably more. Certain and more safe than any well told pretty half truth. [00:13:24] And if anybody who has either been in therapy or had, you know what Oprah calls an aha moment, it's like you go, oh, that's what it is. That's the thing I haven't let myself see for so long. That's the thing I've been afraid to admit or say for years, and now it's here. And there's often work to do after, but what we're talking about is in that moment when the truth is spoken, your body relaxes. [00:13:56] The shoulders come down the jaw on clinches, the pressure in the chest releases the legs. For me, tingle a little. The truth is settling and calming to the nervous system. And what validation is not is feeling somebody else's feelings, knowing somebody's experience For them, it is acknowledging that there can be more than one truth that exists in any given moment, and yours matters as much as anybody else's, but validating the self. [00:14:33] We're really just talking about you. There is a truth to your experience that only you know, and when you admit that truth to yourself, it will set you free. What I encourage you to do, grab a journal, a blank piece of paper, or take a voice memo app on your phone and go for a walk if there is something that you're wrestling with a conversation you keep having with somebody in your mind, or a memory that your mind keeps going back to, there's almost always a thought that catches up to us when we're in those calm, relaxed, stable moments. [00:15:07] So when a thought like that sneaks up on you, grab your pen and paper, grab your journal. Maybe it's the Treasure Journal. [00:15:13] Take a breath and ask yourself what is true about this for me? If the answer is you don't know, that's okay. Start with you don't know. I don't know. I don't know yet. I don't know. I'm gonna figure it out though. I don't know. But what if I did know? If I had to say something about this, what would that be? [00:15:37] Then take another breath and see what comes. [00:15:41] When I set out to write a book, I only knew two things. One was I wanted to make big feelings, feel less scary and more approachable, and I wanted to bring some lightness to the feelings themselves. What I know to be true as a therapist is that emotions are energy in motion. They have information to tell you to inform the next right step to take and self-doubt, fear, anxiety, live in that space between knowing and not knowing. [00:16:05] The second thing I knew was that I wanted to have fun in the process of making. This thing. The result is this wrestling a walrus for little people with big feelings, beautifully illustrated children's book that has a glossary at the end for some of the bigger feeling words. What this story does in a light and loving way is create context for those relationships. [00:16:25] You can't change those people that you wish would treat you different. The things in life that we cannot control and yet we face that are hard. This book, it's a conversation starter for any littles in your life. Who want to create more safety and love and patience for some of those experiences. So hop one over to the show notes. [00:16:43] You can pick it up@amazon.com, barge de noble.com or my website. I hope that you do because I believe in this little book. I freaking love this little book, and I cannot wait to hear your experience with it. Thanks so much for listening and get back to the episode. [00:16:56] Danielle: Thank you so much for joining me on this little nugget episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. I love sharing these insights here with you and your time and attention here mean more to me than you could possibly know. This is such. Such a joy and such a pleasure. [00:17:13] So I want to hear from you. Let me know. What did you think of this concept? What questions do you have about it that you would like me to help answer? I want to continue to grow this conversation with you. The best things in life are shared, and so being able to share this space is an absolute joy for me. [00:17:31] A 10 outta 10. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. And before you hop off, I wanna invite you to take a look at the show notes because there are always links and resources for you. Whether it's resources that I offer or when I'm in interviews with other guests, links to their amazing content too. [00:17:47] So make sure to check that out before you hop away. And please remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. It is the best way to help this podcast reach other people that could benefit from it too. It helps it grow and we can just continue to build things together. Thank you so much for being here, and I hope that you continue to have a wonderful day. [00:18:05] ​

SermonPsalm 92July 13, 2025

SermonPsalm 91July 6, 2025

This episode is sponsored by: Here's the hard truth I learned in this conversation: You can spend thousands on Facebook ads, perfect your email sequences, and create the most polished marketing campaigns... but if you're not building rich relationships, you're fighting an uphill battle that's only getting steeper.   In this episode, I sit down with publicity strategist and author Selena Soo to dive deep into her new book "Rich Relationships" - and what she reveals will completely shift how you think about growing your business.   As a fellow introvert, I've always struggled with the idea of "networking." The thought of working a room or making small talk at conferences made my skin crawl. But Selena showed me something game-changing: You don't need to be an extrovert to build a million-dollar network. You just need to be intentional.   Why This Episode Will Transform Your Business We're living in what Selena calls a "trust recession." People are bombarded with ads, skeptical of marketing messages, and increasingly buying from their communities rather than responding to traditional marketing. The entrepreneurs who thrive in this new landscape aren't the ones with the biggest ad budgets - they're the ones with the richest relationships.   I've seen this firsthand. When I look back at my entire career - from taking a company public in the late '90s to my current work with industry leaders like Tony Robbins, Dean Graziosi, and Russell Brunson - every major breakthrough came through relationships, not marketing campaigns.   What You'll Discover The 3 Types of Givers (And Why Most Entrepreneurs Are Doing It Wrong) The "Indiscriminate Giver" trap that leads to burnout and resentment How "Transactional Givers" actually block abundance The "Rich Giver" approach that creates win-win relationships   The 6 Circles of Connection Framework This is Selena's signature system for managing your network without overwhelm: Circle 1: Your innermost circle (1-3 people doing life with you) Circle 2: Treasured connections (your soul family) Circle 3: Active network (people you'd invite to the party) Circle 4: Distant connections (arm's length relationships) Circle 5: Disconnected connections (people you keep at distance) Circle 6: Unknown individuals   The Top 40 Strategy 20 rich relationships to nurture and prioritize 20 new relationships to develop based on your goals How to avoid the "one is the most dangerous number" trap   Standout Moments From Our Conversation "Rich relationships are the world's highest form of currency. There's no amount of money you can pay for that trust." - Selena Soo "Everything that has pushed me forward in my businesses has been the relationships that I've had. You cannot buy that trust. You have to build the relationships and the relationship has to come first." - Sean Osborn "One rich relationship is more powerful than a hundred casual connections." - Selena Soo "People are now buying from their communities, from their tribes. It's no longer business to consumer - it's consumer to consumer, tribe to tribe." - Sean Osborn Key Takeaways ✅ Rich relationships have 3 characteristics: They bring financial abundance (directly or indirectly), align with your biggest goals, and inspire you to become your best self   ✅ The relationship-first approach: Stop leading with transactions. Build trust through conversations - Level 1 (getting to know each other), Level 2 (nurturing and building trust), Level 3 (solid foundation for collaboration)   ✅ Your network is your net worth: There are places you can only reach through rich relationships. No amount of mass marketing can replace a trusted referral   ✅ The email list revelation: My most effective sales don't come from ads anymore - they come from my communities. Think of your list as a savings account where you must make deposits (value) before withdrawals (asks)   ✅ Introverts have superpowers: You don't need to be the center of attention. Mission-driven leaders who put themselves out there for a bigger purpose are often the most influential   ✅ The vulnerability factor: The fastest way to build relationships is to show genuine interest in others, support their goals, and be open to receiving support yourself   Why This Matters More Than Ever As AI becomes more prevalent and marketing becomes increasingly automated, the human connection becomes even more valuable. Selena and I both believe that businesses without rich relationships won't survive in the coming years.   The entrepreneurs winning today aren't just great marketers - they're great relationship builders. They understand that in a world of infinite content and constant noise, trust and personal connection are the ultimate differentiators.   Resources Mentioned Selena's New Book: "Rich Relationships" (Available for pre-order on Amazon) Free Resources: Get the first 4 chapters free + 25 Rich Relationship Scripts at richrelationshipsbook.com/thinkingbig Myers-Briggs Assessment: Referenced as a tool for understanding your personality type (Selena is an INFJ - same as Gandhi and Mother Teresa)   Connect with Selena Soo Website: https://www.selenasoo.com/   If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it. Share your biggest takeaway on social media and tag me - I read every single message. And if you know another entrepreneur who's struggling with networking or feeling like their marketing isn't working, share this episode with them. Sometimes one conversation can change everything.   Remember: You don't need to be the most extroverted person in the room. You just need to be the most intentional about the relationships you build.   Keep thinking big, Sean

Wilma Willow treasures the moments of a beautiful autumn day.

In this solo episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland dives into key lessons from her recent therapy sessions, emphasizing the importance of relationships. She explores how the drive to 'win' an argument often results in everyone losing, the power of genuine apologies over hollow ones, and the significance of understanding rather than feigned confusion. Danielle also shares personal insights and practical steps to navigate relationship conflicts with compassion and kindness, while promoting her journaling tool, 'Treasured,' aimed at deepening personal growth and self-awareness.   00:00 Introduction and Purpose of the Solo Cast 01:47 Lessons from Therapy Sessions: Relationship Edition 03:03 Winning or Losing in Arguments 08:30 The Power of Pausing and Reflecting 14:23 Hollow Apologies and True Acknowledgment 18:02 Understanding and the Desire to Change 23:07 Final Thoughts and Encouragement RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS”  Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect  with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today.    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.   Website: https://danielleireland.com/   The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal   Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/   Blog: https://danielleireland.com/blog/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW   Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured Transcript Winning Isn't Everything: Lessons from Therapy Sessions [00:00:00] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Today. I am coming at you with a solo cast. These are so fun for me for many reasons. it's like a living, breathing journal where I can process things that are happening in my life or things that I've learned with clients and therapy sessions or just new aha things or whatever's really exciting for me. [00:00:28] I get an opportunity to put those in a place. I have been having some really juicy, juicy therapy sessions with clients over the last couple weeks, and what I've started to do, There are moments when I'm in a session with a client and I'm taking notes or I'm listening to something they're processing or something will fly outta my mouth, just improvised in the moment and I will think to myself, damn. [00:00:52] That was a tasty dish that was really interesting or that was super poignant, or I get like full body chills and I don't really know exactly what to do with the information, but I wanna put it somewhere. And so what has ended up happening over the years is I'll scribble something on a post-it note or I'll scratch something at the top of the client note to try to revisit later. [00:01:15] Sometimes in previous lives I've written them into blog forms or just brought them up with my husband over dinner thinking this. And actually little sneak peek behind the curtain. That is one of the ways, one of the first ways that the title for wrestling a walrus came to me. [00:01:34] It happened in a therapy session. I'm pretty sure I used it just as a way to iterate whatever the client was processing or experiencing in the moment. I wrote it down and it just stuck with me. And there's lots of moments like that. And so what we're gonna talk about today in this solo cast is lessons from sessions, but the ones that are really focused in on relationships. [00:01:58] So this is the lessons from Sessions, relationship edition, solocast, and. The only thing that's ever shared, in this podcast space is the. [00:02:12] Lessons that are gleaned, the takeaways that we can all find value from in the human experience, not personal anecdotes, addresses, names, identifiable characteristics, nothing like that. The point is not to out anybody at all. One that would be terribly unethical and I would lose my license for it. [00:02:32] But also just on a human level that feels ick. That feels really icky. I think that anybody who's curious about therapy or anyone who is in therapy, but wondered what it would be like in someone else's session. There is this innate curiosity of, is anyone else dealing with this too? [00:02:48] Has anyone else ever thought this also, or what do you do when you face this? That is, I think, a healthy, normal, reasonable curiosity I love that there's a place to share that. So yeah, we're gonna talk about relationships. So winning or losing in the context of relationships, particularly in an argument, if the goal is to win or if, if the goal is to not lose. [00:03:15] Depends on what side you're on. Are you righteous or are you just digging your heels in and being stubborn? if you are fighting to win or doggedly. Preventing the feeling of loss. Somebody always loses, win or lose. Somebody always loses in that type of dynamic. [00:03:33] So what happens when we do a fake apology? A hollow apology. And the last is the phrase I hear a lot. I just don't understand. I just don't understand. So we're gonna talk about each of these, how they play out in relationships, what you might be able to find value from within them, where you may be able to see yourself in them. [00:03:55] And I'll also share where I see myself in these too. though I sit in a therapist chair when I'm actually working with clients. I do my own work. I'm human too, and we're figuring this out together. So let's start with. When it's about winning or losing, you always lose. I think what gets lost in most heated exchanges, if we even peel back before the disagreement itself, there is a momentum. [00:04:26] That leads to disagreements, whether a repeated pattern, a repeated behavior or a fight that we keep having over and over and over again. It's never just isolated in that moment in time, there is a momentum that leads to it. [00:04:43] The issue in the kitchen or the fight in the bedroom, or the feverishly upset text exchange, Thing that we are fighting for is to be heard or to feel validated or for the other person to give us something. Usually something in the context of, you are right, I was wrong. [00:05:03] I see it your way. I will change and I will never do that thing that has led us to this moment that makes you uncomfortable ever, ever again. We're looking for some kind of either validation or a guarantee, and some of that makes sense and some of that is. Just not. and it's hard to know in that moment in time when we are flooded with feelings we're escalating and two people have dug their heels in. [00:05:30] It's sometimes hard to see the woods through the trees, but. What I know to be absolutely true, having worked with couples who are actively fighting in front of me, which is not fun. It's probably my least favorite experience working as a therapist. it really activates my nervous system, but also in my own fights and my own disagreements with my husband. [00:05:52] For example, when I am fighting to prove myself right at his expense, the expense of his experience or his point of view. I will lose because I'm either going to say something hurtful to win or I'm not listening, so I'm not receiving any of the information he's sharing. And also, once I'm that flooded and fighting to get my point of view across, I'm no longer in the environment, and I'm no longer sitting in front of my husband. [00:06:21] I'm sitting across an enemy and I'm a battle. And once that happens, once that mode is activated. That's when our worst qualities, our most destructive behaviors, can rise to the surface, and that erodes trust. it creates the opposite of really looking for, we're looking to be heard, one of the things that can be helpful is to even just catch that you're in it. am I trying to win or am I trying to understand something new? Am I trying to win or am I seeking to be heard? Am I trying to win? Meaning I need to be right. [00:07:04] And because in order for me to be right, they have to be wrong. Now, there are of course times where there maybe is a clear cut right and wrong, but what I'm speaking about in this context is not physical altercations or the extremes that are a little more clearly discerned. It's those. Muddy, messy, icky moments with someone that you actually care about or somebody who has a relationship that's important to you. [00:07:33] 'cause maybe it's not always a spouse or a romantic partner. it could be a friend or could be a family member. It could even be a coworker, but they're not a villain. They're not evil. But that is also sometimes a trick that our mind will play on us when we are fighting so hard to win, is we'll make the other person an enemy and we'll convince ourselves a story about them [00:07:53] Whatever our mode of operating makes sense to us, but what you can do is if you catch yourself in that place, you're like, oh, the warrior, the Warrior's armors on, and I am trying to win. This is, by the way, the hardest thing for me to do. Anytime because whenever there is unease, unrest, discomfort in a relationship, my need to fix or my need to get to a resolution quickly is so strong. [00:08:26] One of the best things you can do is pause the conversation, pause and walk away for a little bit. if like me, you have that hypervigilance that that need for resolution, that need to care take. Or if you are a justice seeking person, you're like, I will fight the good fight. [00:08:46] This is going to be really freaking hard. but I absolutely know. Based on the science, based on what is happening in our brains, what's happening in our nervous system, when we are engaged in an interaction like that, win or lose, you're gonna lose. So the best thing you can do when you catch it, even if it's mid-sentence, is to, and I'll actually do this, I'll do something, I'll do a gesture with my hands. [00:09:13] Like I'll throw up my hands like this, like, woo, I need, I need to stop. Or I'll do a timeout, hand signal. But I'll take a breath. I'll pump the brakes. Literally and metaphorically, I'll pump the brakes on the conversation and I need to pause and take a beat. There's actually a really common thread that I've, clients have told me about and I've actually experienced in my own life. [00:09:38] many times. I'll get off of a heated phone call and I'll hang up, and then a few minutes will go by. something will soften or a new thought will come to me, or I'll have a moment of clarity, or I'll start to feel contrite and maybe a little guilty at something at how I said something or what I said, and I'll actually have a better opportunity to reconnect through sending a text. [00:10:05] Now, I'm not a fan of text fighting or avoiding actual connection through text, but there is this phenomenon of. I have to stop the chain of events. That's un that's gaining momentum that I have. I'm losing control and I'm fighting hard to win. And I press pause and I stop and I breathe and I reflect [00:10:28] And then I'm seeing things in a different way. And then the act of texting. Is not to avoid the deeper connection, but I think there is something to, similar to why I love journaling. I'm thinking about what I'm writing and I'm thinking about what I'm sending. And generally that is either an apology or a more well-formed thought or a clarifying statement or a question that helps reframe. [00:10:56] There is something about step out of the game. If you catch yourself in this like pickleball match of like point, counterpoint, point, counterpoint, point, counterpoint, you're just trying so hard to win. [00:11:08] Step outta the game. So the pause is not abandoning the other person or abandoning the topic altogether, or it's not avoiding it. But I need to get out of this. The rules and the context of this game win or lose. I'm gonna step out. I'm gonna breathe and, you know, you're in a better place to reapproach the conversation when I come back online. [00:11:31] That's the language I use. it's hard to articulate into words 'cause it's a full body experience, The more I am caught in winning or losing or making somebody wrong, my focus becomes really narrow and I only see the examples. I only see the points that prove my perspective. Right? When I step out of the game and I breathe, [00:11:57] I come back to the present moment. from that perspective, I'm able to actually see the context of a broader frame of reference, and that opens up the conversation to better possibilities that are less corrosive and less draining. [00:12:15] So the takeaway from there, if you are fighting to win or lose, you will always lose. There is a better way to do it and my recommendation is to pause, step outta the game, breathe, reframe, and only reenter back into that interaction. When you feel yourself come back online. if you are in a relationship with a partner where you were the one choosing to step away and they. [00:12:40] Have an anxious attachment style or they are maybe more like me in this example where they're like, but they need, they need, they need to resolve. [00:12:47] So letting them know that I'm not walking away from you and I'm not avoiding us coming to. A resolution together, but now is not the time for me and I can't be my best me and do this. So depending on who you are and where you fall in each dynamic, it can be helpful to sometimes tend to that. If you have a partner that is a little bit more anxious attachedIf you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:13:28] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:13:47] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:14:06] So my hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode. [00:14:19] When I am, sorry. Falls flat. Ooh, there is nothing. Well, okay, maybe there are other things. It really bothers me when there is a hollow, like a chocolate Easter bunny empty on the inside. I'm sorry. There are so many ways that repair is done wrong, and I think a lot of what though, these fake or hollow apologies feel rooted in. [00:14:49] It's an apology in sheep's clothing. we want a guarantee. If I just knew the right words, if I just knew the script, if I just said the right thing, then I could hijack all of the awkward, uncomfortable, vulnerable conversations that I don't wanna have. I don't actually have to feel any of the sticky, icky, uncomfortable feelings that. [00:15:10] Are involved in making amends, taking responsibility, because once I know something, I can't unknow it. And if I know something and I can't unknow it, then I might need to change. And change is uncomfortable and change is hard. if I just repeat the script, then I can just skip all that crap and get right to the fun part, which is, you know, avoiding discomfort altogether. [00:15:33] I'm sorry, but, or there's a good rule of thumb that whatever comes after, but is what you really mean. So if you find yourself either hearing or saying, I'm sorry, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna tell you the, I'm sorry you just said was total bullshit and what you actually think and feel and what you mean is what comes after. [00:15:56] But there are so many ways that we say the words, but we don't mean the words. And so sometimes what I recommend to couples is to just swipe it from your vocabulary altogether. Because a lot of the time what we're looking for in place of an apology of atonement is acknowledgement. I see the impact my behavior had on you. [00:16:24] I see the effect that the way that I said what I just said, I can hear it now through your ears because you just shared. Your history, that experience you had when you were young, or you told me about the type of day you just had. I can now hear how that joke I thought was a joke or that comment that kind of came out sideways, or the fact that I'm frustrated and impatient I can now hear in a new way. [00:16:52] I have a new frame of reference. I have a new context because of what you shared, and I really appreciate you telling me that's not an apology, Fuck is that more powerful than so many times where we say, oh, I'm sorry, because I am sorry. Just, I'm sorry. I thought I was just making a joke. [00:17:11] Be discerning about your apologies. And also I think a really important question to ask that I will share with clients all the time. [00:17:24] Does the situation really call for an apology or is what the other person, or what you asking for is. Clarity and confirmation that your feelings matter. That your experience is real. And most of the time that is what we really are looking for. And that is enough Hollow chocolate bunny Apologies. Can Well, they can, they can get out 'cause I'm over 'em. [00:17:54] and I just don't understand. Oh. I just don't understand the faux helplessness, the performed confusion that a lot of us do. This one I find fun because when we are confused. Then we can't really make a choice. [00:18:19] And if we can't really make a choice because we don't really understand something, then guess what else we don't have to do. We don't have to change. And so a lot of times I will be working with a client who is either in a relationship with someone who is conveniently confused or they themselves. Are maybe not ready to know what they're on the cusp of knowing, or they're not ready to acknowledge what they already know. [00:18:46] There's all these different stages of readiness when it comes to making change, because change is hard and it's scary and it's uncomfortable, but this helpless confusion, I just don't understand. This is my favorite follow up question to that, and I empower you to use it. Just be ready for it though, because you can also use it on yourself. [00:19:10] I just don't understand. Do you want to, do you want to? Oof. I love that so much. Do you wanna understand, so just imagine you're having a conversation with you don't understand. Would you like to, because I'm happy to explain why it matters to me, because this is , the beauty and the really challenging part about emotional awareness . once we become aware. We can't unsee. If I don't know, then I'm gonna just keep doing what I've always done. But if I know I'm now presented with a choice that maybe I didn't have before, but now I have a choice and my choice is to either do the same thing pretending I don't know, or I'm gonna do the same thing, knowing full well and still choosing to do the same thing. [00:20:12] But it's a choice. It's not this helpless foe. I'm just lost and confused. I can't possibly be held accountable. Oh, record scratch. You do know now, and it's a real clarifying moment for an individual or for a relationship or for a job. Once I know what I know, I can't unknow it. [00:20:36] Now I'm being called to do something with this knowing, and sometimes that's a scary leap. The example that's actually coming to mind as I'm sharing this is I knew but wasn't ready to know for six months that I was ready to go out on my own and leave the practice. That helped me develop as a therapist and launch out on my own. [00:20:59] I knew for about six months that. I could afford it, that I was capable, that I had all of the resources I needed to make this happen. But I was scared to take the leap because change is hard. The unknown is uncertain and scary, and it's a new environment and new and scary, and it is just all, all the reasons why we may be avoid doing anything that's new. [00:21:24] But I knew and needed to be confused and then reminded and confused, and reminded and confused and reminded until I couldn't ignore what I knew anymore. And then I acted on it. And I think sometimes too , to wash this all with a, a big dose of compassion. I also think that a lot of times that that. [00:21:47] Knowing, not being ready to know, knowing not being ready to know is its own form of preparation. Like maybe what we see on the outside is procrastination is its own form of preparing. Getting ready to be ready, to be ready to change, [00:22:04] wherever you see yourself or your relationship or someone in your life in this process, I hope. That this has been clarifying. I hope you found some value in it or maybe sparked a fun conversation that we can continue to have. I welcome questions. I want your questions and I would love to be able to answer them for you here. [00:22:23] You can always email me at danielle@danielleireland.com. I am the only person who has access to that email, so I'll be the person that receives it. So hit me up with a follow up question. If you want me to expand on a topic or if you have a new one that you're curious about, let me know. [00:22:38] The thing I wanna leave, whether it's about winning or losing, or whether it's about when Hollow chocolate bunny bullshit apologies or being fake confused about something. If there was a way that we could simplify, well, okay, what do you actually do with this? [00:22:55] The first is breathe. The first will always be breathing. Because the breath is what allows all of the important problem solving parts of our brain that kick offline when we're absolutely flooded with emotion or in terror or thrown back to our 8-year-old emotional selves. Breath brings us back. So breathe. [00:23:19] I love doing this next step. I will think of myself or imagine myself as somewhere between like five and eight years old, but I think of little Danielle. [00:23:29] And then whenever I'm in conflict or mentally struggling with or taking issue with anyone, truly any other person, I will then imagine them as little them. So there's little Danielle and there's little them, and it softens me because one, the reality is we go back to an emotional age wherever, whenever we are flooded with emotion, the experience is exceeding our capacity to meet the moment. [00:24:01] And this is not a judgment, it's just a truth that when we get overwhelmed or flooded or have an adult tantrum or lose our temper emotions are seeping out our eyes, right? Whatever the expression is, the emotion of the moment is exceeding our capacity to meet it. Breath helps us kick back online and then remembering, oh, this is little me not knowing how to meet this moment. [00:24:25] And she's doing the best she can do. And then there's also a little version of this other person. Who is likely having the exact same experience in their own way, and it doesn't excuse behavior and it doesn't excuse mine, especially if I step outside the bounds of what's respectful. But to meet the moment with kindness and truth, doing that with compassion, with respect to what's likely happening inside me and likely happening inside the other, just really adds a nice, soft, cozy touch to the whole context. [00:25:00] Don't worry about a goddamn script. I've spent way too much time with clients, particularly in my early years, trying to craft the right thing to say. And I gotta say that those scripts will fail you when you're actually in the moment. Sentence stems can help. And maybe if you need a point of reference to launch into a well-worded email or text, but when you're speaking from the heart, it's gonna be the right thing. [00:25:25] But you won't be able to access that if you're not breathing. Disarm yourself, disarm the other. You're not enemies. You're not fighting. No one is trying to win or lose. And then say what you really feel and mean what you're saying. you'll know that it's the truth when it's also delivered with kindness. [00:25:48] Because what I absolutely believe to be true. A belief being just something you think a lot, and I think this a lot, that the truth can always be delivered with kindness. It doesn't mean it's gonna be comfy, cozy, it doesn't mean it's gonna be easy, and it doesn't mean the other person's going to like it, but it can absolutely is kind. [00:26:07] The truth is kind. So breathe, trust yourself, disarm yourself in the other. And try to do it with as much kindness as you can access. [00:26:20] I wanna hear from you. I wanna know what you think. I want to answer your questions, and I want to grow and get better with you. So before you leave, make sure to check out the show notes, all of the important links for my children's book, wrestling, a Walrus, my journal, treasure, a Journal for unearthing you, my website, all the fun ways you can connect with me. [00:26:40] They are there for you in the show notes. Make sure to check those out and write, review, subscribe to the podcast. Those three things are like the 1, 2, 3 power punch that help this podcast meet other people who can get value from it. The best things in life are shared, so please share and I hope you continue to have a wonderful day. [00:26:59]

SermonPsalm 90June 29, 2025

God will do whatever it takes to us to make what He wants to happen in us come to fruition. If there’s something God is trying to teach us that we haven’t learned yet, we need to realize that the storm we’re going through is going to continue until we learn what He wants us to learn. And on the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will encourage us to be prepared because the rough ride isn’t over yet! Join us as he concludes his study in the book of Acts called “The Perfect Storm.” Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We conclude our Signature Episode in segments with the why of prayer and the difficulty of the truth, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Our growth and consistent prayer move our prayers prayer from a task or discipline to the sweetest part of our day. The Apostle Paul will be our last example.With the insight of a life lived for the spread of the gospel, Paul describes earthly life in this way:Life is full of afflictions, crushed, perplexed, persecuted, struck down, and frustrated. Other inescapable burdens areimmorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like that. How then can the man who accurately details the sorrows and burdens of all God's redeemed also say:Rejoice always; 17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 andRejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Philippians 4:4.Our So What?"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."Philippians 4:6-7The art of prayer leads to overcoming all that discourages us in His presence and power. Treasured ones of God, cultivate your prayer life to His glory and your soul's satisfaction, even in this fallen world.AmenBrethren, let us pray for one another to overcome the weakness of the flesh through prayer. "What a man is on his knees before God, that he is and nothing more." Robert Murray M'Cheynee Donation link:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=G9JGGR5W97D64Or go to www.freerangepreacheronprayer.com and use the Donations tab.Assistant Editor: Seven Jefferson Gossard.www.freerangepreacheronprayer.comfreerangeprayer@gmail.comFacebook - Free Range Preacher MinistriesInstagram: freerangeministriesAll our Scripture quotes are drawn from the NASB 1977 edition.For access to the Voice Over services of Richard Durrington, please visit RichardDurrington.com or email him at Durringtonr@gmail.comOur podcast art was designed by @sammmmmmmmm23 InstagramSeason 007Episode 056

Acts 3:1-10

SermonPsalm 89June 22, 2025

On the next Treasured Truth, we’ll discover that the storms God allows to come into our lives aren’t meant to be stumbling blocks. Instead, He means for them to be steppingstones. Every storm was designed by God to get you to where He ultimately wants you to be. Join us for the next Treasured Truth, as Pastor Ford continues his current study in the book of Acts called “The Perfect Storm.” Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here. Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

SermonPsalm 88June 15, 2025

On the next Treasured Truth, as we consider further how God uses storms in our lives, we’ll discover that God knows exactly how to bring us back to Himself. And for some of us right now—what we’re going through—it’s a storm that has divine design on it, because God wants to use it to push us back to Him. Join us for the next Treasured Truth, as Pastor Ford continues his current study in the book of Acts called “The Perfect Storm.” Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here. Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode OverviewIn this powerful episode, Dr. Matt sits down with Andi Lew, acclaimed author, wellness presenter, and advocate, for an eye-opening discussion on Breast Implant Illness (BII). Drawing on her decades of experience and personal journey—as chronicled in her bestselling book, Treasured Chest: Exposing Explants and Empowering You—Andi exposes the hidden dangers, medical gaslighting, and emotional toll facing women experiencing BII. She also offers supportive and practical advice for women seeking answers, healing, and empowerment.Key Topics DiscussedAndi Lew's Story:Andi opens up about her own experience with breast implants, the onset of unexplained health symptoms, struggles for a proper diagnosis, and the difficult, but life-affirming, journey to explant surgery.Understanding Breast Implant Illness:Definition and lack of official medical recognition.Discussion of common BII symptoms (fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, anxiety, inflammation, etc.).The overlap with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and systemic inflammatory response due to foreign bodies.The Medical Maze:Andi recounts how she—and countless other women—were dismissed or ‘medically gaslit' by healthcare providers, leading to years of frustration, multiple doctor visits, and delayed diagnosis and treatment.Importance of persistence and self-advocacy.The often cold or aesthetic-driven priorities within the plastic surgery field.Surgical Considerations:Discussing explant options like en bloc or total capsulectomy.Why removing the scar tissue (capsule) is crucial.The challenges of getting a timely surgery, insurance gaps, and the high out-of-pocket costs.Advances in reconstructive options (e.g., using body fat).Industry Injustice & Informed Consent:Recalls, lack of transparency, poor follow-up from manufacturers.Problems with informed consent—not being warned of systemic health risks.The irony of BII risks being disregarded, especially in breast cancer survivors.Empowerment & Healing:Importance of building the right medical support team.Journaling and documenting symptoms for self-advocacy.The gift and burden of sharing publicly, the growth after trauma, and support from online communities.Practical Resources & Where to Get Help:How to find qualified explant surgeons.The role of social media and online groups for support and information.Andi's offer of a complimentary coaching call for readers who purchase her book.Changing the Narrative:The growing movement to recognize BII.The need for increased awareness and compassion from both the medical community and society.Empowerment over aesthetics, redefining beauty, and finding strength in vulnerability.Recommended ResourcesBook: Treasured Chest: Exposing Explants and Empowering You – Available at andilew.comConnected: A Paradigm Shift in How We View Health – Andi's holistic wellness guide (also available on Audible)Andi Lew on Instagram: @andi.lew – DM her after book purchase for a complimentary coaching callFacebook/Instagram BII Support Groups – For community, shared experiences, and practical adviceHow to Connect with Andi LewWebsite: andilew.comInstagram: @andi.lewStay tuned to her social media for upcoming speaking eventsTakeaways for ListenersIf you or someone you know is suffering from unexplained symptoms and has breast implants, consider BII as a possible cause.Advocate for yourself: keep symptom journals, persist in seeking proper care, and connect with supportive communities.Compassion, education, and empowerment are critical to healing.Medical professionals: familiarize yourself with BII and be open-minded for your patients' wellbeing.#BreastImplantIllness #BII #AndiLew #Explant #WomensHealth #TreasuredChest #WellnessPodcast #HealthAdvocacy #BreastImplantRemoval #MedicalGaslighting #FunctionalMedicine #ChronicIllnessAwareness #PatientEmpowerment #MastCellActivationSyndrome #CosmeticSurgeryRisks #FemaleEmpowerment #Podcas

SermonPsalm 87June 8, 2025

Focus: Finding comfort and feeling soothed. Find a moment to reconnect in less than 10 minutes. Just lie back and listen. The words and music will carry you the rest of the way and have you ready to face your world again. Looking for a little comfort? This is just what you need. Two songs will embrace you in a comforting and soothing session of warmth. 

God has a divine design for the storms in our lives. And sometimes the things that we fear the most turn out to be the exact things that He is planning to use to deliver us into what He wants next for us. So, our deliverance can potentially be found right in the midst of our storm. And on the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will remind us, all we have to do is trust God in and through the storm. Join us as we begin a new study in the book of Acts called “The Perfect Storm.” Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here. Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello Hillside! Join your whole church family this Sunday on the hill at 10:00 AM for a soul-filling, faith-building worship service. In addition to praising God in music and experiencing our King's special presence in Communion, we'll be pressing on in our Grace 180 series with a message from I Thessalonians 2:13-16. If the Holy Spirit does what I hope, you'll leave both “energized” and better equipped for representing Jesus in the week ahead. Looking forward to seeing you!Come worship with Hillside Covenant Church LIVE at 10:00 AM both online and in person as Dan Seitz teaches from I Thessalonians 2:13-16.This week's sermon notes are available at: https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code=XZaUES5ZnuoEdgHSjCLltWy1Q9G0GQD1fC9yIf you are new to Hillside and are looking for ways to get connected and build community, visit our website: https://www.hillsidecovenant.org/ We welcome you to Hillside and are so glad you joined us today!To give in support of Hillside Covenant and its ministries follow this link: https://hillsidecovenant.churchcenter.com/givingThe full service from Hillside Covenant Church, Sunday, June 1, 2025.

Hello Hillside! Join your whole church family this Sunday on the hill at 10:00 AM for a soul-filling, faith-building worship service. In addition to praising God in music and experiencing our King's special presence in Communion, we'll be pressing on in our Grace 180 series with a message from I Thessalonians 2:13-16. If the Holy Spirit does what I hope, you'll leave both “energized” and better equipped for representing Jesus in the week ahead. Looking forward to seeing you!Come worship with Hillside Covenant Church LIVE at 10:00 AM both online and in person as Dan Seitz teaches from I Thessalonians 2:13-16.This week's sermon notes are available at: https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code=XZaUES5ZnuoEdgHSjCLltWy1Q9G0GQD1fC9yIf you are new to Hillside and are looking for ways to get connected and build community, visit our website: https://www.hillsidecovenant.org/ We welcome you to Hillside and are so glad you joined us today!To give in support of Hillside Covenant and its ministries follow this link: https://hillsidecovenant.churchcenter.com/givingThe sermon from Hillside Covenant Church, Sunday, June 1, 2025.

SermonPsalm 86June 1, 2025

On the next Treasured Truth, as we continue to look at 2 Corinthians to understand further what made the mindset of the Macedonian believers such an example for us, Pastor Ford will explain that the basis of their sacrificial spirit was a result of them understanding God’s ultimate sacrifice. According to Pastor Ford, God gave the best gift of heaven—Jesus—for the worst of earth—us. Find out more about the Macedonian mindset when you join us for the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Join Robert and Ericka as they welcome Grammy-award winning singer Kaya Jones to Of The People. Kaya, Robert, and Ericka discuss her music is rooted in purpose, including her new songs “Jerusalem” and “Treasured,” her unwavering support for Israel, and the importance of using her platform to speak out against rising antisemitism. From faith to […]

SermonPsalm 85May 25, 2025

There are some people who, no matter what you do to them, no matter what they go through, they will never deny Jesus and they’ll never backslide. They can go without food, without a job, without lots of things, and they still have the joy of the Lord. They still tell people that Jesus Christ is the center of their joy. And on the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will point out how we can be like those people and what having this kind of mindset actually requires. Find out more when you join us for the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here. Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will begin a new message called “The Macedonian Mindset.” He’ll explain that in 2 Corinthians 8, he thinks Paul is saying, “The reason, the Macedonians have become your example is because your thinking about giving is wrong. You don’t have the right motivation for giving. They do. And so, you need to follow their example and have the Macedonian Mindset.” Find out what that mindset is and how it applies to our lives, when you join us for the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here. Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We often wonder why there are shadows in our lives. And on the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will explain that it’s sometimes because we’ve let something into our lives—some kind of moon blocking the light—come in between us and God, replacing His priority in our lives. What is a moon? It’s a celestial body that doesn’t possess its own light. It only reflects the light that the sun gives it. So, when you join us for the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will ask us, “What has God given to us in our lives, that we’ve allowed it to replace Him?” Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

One of my favorite passages in the New Testament is 2 Corinthians 4, so you can imagine my delight when I found out that today's guest, Rev. April H. Cranford, recently led her church through a worship series about this passage. They called it the Treasured Clay Worship Series. She says,”throughout the series, we explored […]

In today’s world, we buy more, but we enjoy it less. We have bigger houses, but smaller hearts. We have more conveniences, but less time. We have multiplied our possessions, but we have reduced our values. And we have learned how to make a living, but we haven’t learned how to make a life. When you join us for the next Treasured Truth, we’ll continue to look at stewardship and Pastor Ford will encourage us to not follow the world’s example of how to handle and view our money and possessions. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

**This episode is part of a mini-series produced for the Gascoyne Catchment’s Group, who have kindly allowed me to share it with you. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I did making it.** n this episode, we speak to Mick and Winsome Hearman, whose family called Middayla Station home for 120 years. For four generations, the Hearmans poured their blood, sweat, and tears into the land, building a thriving sheep station and enduring the highs and lows of life in the bush. ​They’ve seen it all—from facing the devastation caused by fires, cyclones, and droughts, to the introduction of aerial mustering and motorbikes. In fact - Mick played a key role in the design off the first off-road motorbike developed for mustering in Australia. In this episode, Mick recalls the golden age of pastoralism, a time when the wool industry flourished and the outback was alive with opportunity. But he also shares the heartbreak of the wool market crash that changed everything. And if that’s not enough, we’ve got a love story woven into this incredible journey—a testament to resilience, partnership, and the unbreakable bond between two people who’ve weathered it all. It was an absolute privilege to sit down with Mick and Winesome, who at the time of this recording, were both 89 years young. So, let’s dive into the lives and legacy of the Hearmans.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fall asleep thinking about the fact that, in Christ, you are part of a kingdom of priests, a holy nation. I'll read the Bible and prompt you to think about it. You'll meditate on the scripture as you fall asleep. If you have ideas for making the podcast better, send them my way: truesleepfeedback@gmail.com. If you'd like to support the podcast: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/truesleep⁠⁠⁠. Help me keep these biblical sleep meditations free!

When you join us for the next Treasured Truth, as we begin to look at the theology of stewardship, Pastor Ford will ask how many of us have made God the Lord of the leftovers? Because if we’re honest with ourselves, He usually gets our leftover time, our leftover talents, and our leftover treasures. We often think to ourselves—if we have anything left, then we can give to God. But that’s not good stewardship. So, join us as we begin a new message called, “God’s Pleasure and Your Treasure,” on the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When you join us for the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will encourage us to remember that Christ took the sting of death so that we wouldn’t have to. Oh grave, where is your victory? Oh death, where is your sting? Christ has achieved the victory over death and is alive! And because He’s alive, we are alive too! So, join us as we conclude the message called, “Run Tell Dat,” on the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here. Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever been anxious to tell someone about a juicy piece of gossip? We’ve probably all been tempted to do that at some point. And on the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will explain that we should be even more ready to tell people about the gospel than we are to tell them about the latest gossip. We should be anxious to spread the good news about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! So, join us as we begin a new message called, “Run Tell Dat,” on the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the next Treasured Truth, we’ll continue our study about God’s call in our lives. Pastor Ford will explain that God’s resources are reserved for those who fulfill the responsibilities He gives to them. So, our provision is linked to His purpose. And the problem is that many of us want the provision, but we don’t want His purpose. To learn more from Pastor Ford about responding to the calling of God in your life, be sure to join us for the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the next Treasured Truth, we’ll be that there are times when we will lose out on the blessings of God, because we don’t have enough faith to put all our trust in the plan that He has for us. But Pastor Ford will explain there are also times when we place only part of our faith in His plan, and God still chooses to bless us fully. How God chooses to bless us, when He chooses to bless us, and how much He chooses to bless us with, is really all up to Him. To learn more from Pastor Ford about responding to the calling of God in your life, be sure to join us for the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the next Treasured Truth, we’ll be reminded that we have a God Who cannot love us more than He already does and will never love us any less. And Pastor Ford will explain that even though we sometimes ignore the plan He has for us and we walk away from Him, He will never walk away from us. No matter how far we stray, we never cease to be His children. To learn more from Pastor Ford about responding to the calling of God in your life, be sure to join us for the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the next Treasured Truth, Pastor Ford will continue to encourage us about how we can overcome temptation. He’ll explain that when dealing with temptation, if you ask yourself, “Is it sin?” about anything, then it’s a good indication that whatever you’re considering is a sin to you. The Bible says, “Whatever is not of faith is sin.” So, if you can’t do whatever you’re doing in faith, then you shouldn’t do it, because it becomes sin for you. To learn more from Pastor Ford about how you can become victorious over temptation, be sure to join us for the next Treasured Truth. Treasured Truth is a listener supported program on Moody Radio. To join our team of supporters, click here. To learn more about Pastor James Ford, Jr., click here. To learn more about Treasured Truth, click here.Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/treasuredtruthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Pray the Word on Deuteronomy 7:6, David Platt reminds us that God chose because of His mercy, not our merit.Have you signed up for Secret Church 25 yet? It's happening online on April 11, and we'd love for you to join us. We'll spend six hours together studying the book of Matthew, discovering how to make our lives truly count, and praying for our persecuted brothers and sisters around the world. Prices go up after February 25, so register today at radical.net/sc25 – We'd love to see you there. Explore more content from Radical.