Untoxicated Podcast

Foreplay is often thought of as erotic touch intended for sexual stimulation. Sheri and Matt have conducted research with thirteen couples recovering their partnerships from alcoholism. The research indicates that establishing emotional intimacy in a relationship might be a much more effective form of foreplay with the potential to improve sexual satisfaction by 40%. That's a big number. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you are ready to leave alcohol behind and explore growth and recovery with a modern approach to sobriety, please check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “An Open Letter to My Children” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: “An Open Letter to My Children” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

The Hummingbird Ninjas are the OGs of the Echoes of Recovery program - our support group for the loved ones of alcoholics. This reunion roundtable episode is an update on their progress in growth and discovery since their attendance at the first ever Echoes of Recovery live retreat in the summer of 2022 where they recorded Ep150. The changes are amazing. These women are thriving - some in relationships in recovery, and some leading their best lives post-marriage. Listen to their answers when asked at the end of the episode if they would come back together for a week in the mountains. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Dance Like Everybody's Watching” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Dance Like Everybody's Watching” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Doing the hard work of recovery, for the former drinker and the partner, is how we reduce anxiety, regulate our nervous systems, start to rebuild trust, and grow to our potential. There is no bigger gift to our families than to prioritize our recoveries. Sheri and Matt discuss things that do not prioritize recovery work, and are, therefore, total crap. They also talk about ear hair and porn and Sheri's cat's popularity on YouTube, so hang on for twists and turns. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Cabbage Overdose” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Cabbage Overdose” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Kathy and Nikki have lived through the trauma and chaos of alcoholism. With both of their husbands now years into sobriety, Kathy and Nikki are evolving their recovery work into continued growth and self care with the Defining You podcast and facebook page. Are you curious about what's next beyond recovery? Kathy and Nikki explore challenges and interests that might challenge and interest you, too. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “An Evolving Tradition” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: "An Evolving Tradition” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

For a long time - through early sobriety and years into growth and recovery - Matt shared the blame for his addiction with his father, with Big Beverage, with AA, and with other societal influences. He shared the blame because he couldn't carry the stigma and burden himself. Only through the powerful recovery dimension of time can Matt own the blame for his addiction and peacefully release the people and institutions who served a vital role in helping him get over the guilt and shame. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Who the f&@% is this guy?” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Who the f&@% is this guy?” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Sheri and Matt share findings about sexual desire discrepancy in relationships impacted by alcoholism from a year-long study of 13 couples now in recovery. Matt shares an unnecessarily large amount of data which Sheri tempers with eye rolls you can actually hear through your speakers. The bottom line: Alcoholism both exacerbates and results from sexual desire discrepancy, and the solutions are empathy, understanding, communication, and emotional safety. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Accumulation” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Accumulation” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Billy Wynne has been a student of Buddhism and mindfulness for 30 years, and he teaches and is on the board at the Zen Center of Denver. Billy joins Sheri and Matt to talk about the philosophies and lived experiences featured in his new book, The Empty Path: Finding Fulfillment through the Radical Art of Lessening. Billy's pursuit of material success conflicted with his Buddhist practices, and led him to medicate his stress and lack of fulfillment with alcohol. Now alcohol-free, he is the perfect ambassador of this relatable and compassionate message about gaining so much by letting go. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Momentum” Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: “Momentum” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Lasting sobriety and recovery from alcoholism requires both commitment and a plan, and the role of the partner in the recovery of the drinker is quite limited. On this episode, Sheri and Matt go into detail, and share lots of options, for what will, and will not, meet these two requirements leading to successful recovery. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

New from the "Underlying Issues" series on Sober and Unashamed: "Numbers" Maybe you are unaware of our hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Or maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to our latest written offering titled: "Numbers" To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Lori is a five-time guest on the podcast for very good reason - she brings a fresh an intelligent perspective to every conversation. On this episode, Lori explains the emotional safety she is experiencing in her marriage, and how replacing bad memories with good combines with her faith, and her own person trauma and resentment processing work, to bring her joy and peacefulness. She does the work, and she lets time in sobriety work on her marriage. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Acute addiction gets all the headlines - when the drinker drinks too much and creates chaos and trauma. But the fog chronic alcoholism rolls into the spaces between drinks - when the alcoholic is temporarily sober but operating with a warped mind. The fog of chronic alcoholism impacts the loved ones and the drinker in different ways. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Rose stayed in her alcoholic marriage until she could stay no longer. The impact on her nervous system made her methodical and planned decision to separate her only choice. Listen to Rose reflect on the turning points she experienced as she felt her nervous system heal. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Sheri and Matt run through the top ten things alcoholics say to their partners. Do you recognize your relationship in their conversation? If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.

Trigger warning: Domestic violence is discussed John Olander has a network of relationships all over Denver, and he is as tenacious as he is inspiring. But John experienced 20 dark years, crossing over the line from high-functioning alcoholism into self-inflicted, alcohol-fueled legal issues which led to homelessness and isolation. But he bounced back, and his is a true success story of letting go and leaning into community. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you are open to the possibilities of what sobriety can offer, without being tied to any particular outcome, please check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

Blame serves a purpose when trying to heal from alcoholism as the drinker or the partner. But there are areas where blame does not belong. In this episode, Sheri and Matt break down the impact of blame, and discuss the foundational elements of recovering from the blame of addiction. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Ayla Fleming is a licensed clinical social worker and telehealth therapist practicing in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New York. Since specializing in helping individuals, couples, and families recovering from codependency related to addiction, her personal well-being, and that of her clients, is surging. To contact Ayla, please check out her website. And for more on Bowen Family Systems Theory, please click here. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Drinkers often becomes aware of the loss of identity associated with sobriety, but on this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the role of varying categories of identity as a cause of addiction. Sheri reveals her love of smiting people, and Matt explains his eagerness to meet in Topeka at 8am Monday morning. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The recovery community is full of resources about sex after alcohol for singles, but sober sex in relationships is a topic that has been ignored...until now. Nicole, Tess, and Alan are featured on this episode with input from eight people in recovery who have faced a variety of challenges with sex in sobriety. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Trigger warning: sexual assault and violence Unconsented sex occurs in relationships impacted by problematic alcohol consumption at a rate 18 times more frequently than in general population relationships. Sheri and Matt discuss this and other tragic statistics, and the implications for partnerships in recovery, as well as for our broader alcohol culture. If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

It was not her choice. Kelly shared with her husband what she needed from the marriage, and he asked for a divorce. Sometimes boundaries and detachment are not enough for the drinker to seek recovery. But Kelly is working hard on her growth and recovery plan, and she is finding relief and peacefulness in a house free from the pain of addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Attachment and connection are not the same thing. Detachment in a healthy relationship in recovery from alcoholism is a permanent state. If done with respect, consistency, and emotional safety, choosing times and topics for connection can help a partnership thrive. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. And if you live in the Boston area, please join Sheri and Matt for a slice of pizza on Friday, February 21st at 6pm EST at Papa Ginos at 74 Main Street in Medway, MA 02053.

You can almost hear the turquoise Caribbean waves lapping in the background of this conversation recorded live from the annual Marriagevolution retreat, this year in the Bahamas. Hear how things change over time, both in relationships and in families, as individual recovery progresses for former drinkers and their partners. Listen to Jenn talk about no longer feeling compelled to, "move around the words," of her husband as he talks to their children. As a bonus, see if you can answer the Bahamian food and culture trivia, and learn a little Bahamian slang. To join the conversation and be a part of the Marriagevolution for couples in relationship recovery from alcoholism, please click this link.

Marjorie is certified in trauma and addiction support, and she is a leader in our Echoes of Recovery program. On this episode, she helps Sheri and Matt understand that, "You can't think your way out of emotions." She also shares her sacred boundary that, "Kindness is something that I won't negotiate." Listen for these and other profound signs of growth, and learn the two meanings of the eggshells referenced in the episode title. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session this Thursday, January 30th at 6pm MST. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. And if you live in the Boston area, please join Sheri and Matt for a slice of pizza on Friday, February 21st at 6pm EST at Papa Ginos at 74 Main Street in Medway, MA 02053.

The industrialized world is experiencing an epidemic of men who are unemployed or underemployed, not married or dating, living with their parents, and suffering deaths of despair. And the gender gap in higher education is greater than anyone ever imagined. The experts on the subject point to economic factors for the failure of men, but Sheri and Matt think the experts are missing a critical emotional piece of the puzzle they are trying to solve. Sheri and Matt are both huge, active supporters of the advancement of women, but believe helping men is in the best interest of all humans. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Thursday, January 30th at 6pm MST. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. And if you live in the Boston area, please join us for a slice of pizza on Friday, February 21st at 6pm EST (keep tuning in for more details).

Nikki speaks boldly and vulnerably about a wide variety of taboos sex subject. From sex-drive discrepancy after childbirth to feelings of sexual brokenness to the sloppy disconnected sex of active addiction to arguments that always seemed to come back to sex, Nikki's experiences have something to which all of us can relate. Listen to Nikki tell the beautiful love story of the epiphany that got her and her husband back on track both emotionally and sexually. If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Thursday, January 30th at 6pm MST. To request the ZOOM link, please send an email to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. And if you live in the Boston area, please join us for a slice of pizza on Friday, February 21st at 6pm EST (keep tuning in for more details).

Nervous system activation is often described as one of these four reactions: fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Sheri used all four tools to protect herself in her marriage to Matt during and after his active alcoholism. On this episode, the couple talks about how Matt misinterpreted Sheri's reluctance to engage as a sign that she was waiting for his enlightened epiphanies. They also talk about steaming tomatoes and wind gusts in church. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The week between the holidays carries with it a cascade of emotions for people in a relationship experiencing active addiction or recovery. Sheri and Matt talk about the baggage this one-of-a-kind week used to carry with it, and the relative calm of lasting recovery. They also talk about antiquated payment methods, and a history of New Year's Eve plans that will have you feeling good about your celebrations. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Is self-control detachment? Sheri and Matt might debate the definitions, but they agree on the value of controlling the controllables around family at the holiday season. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

David Bird is a spiritual explorer with stories to tell about the hopelessness and lack of control of addiction, and the peace and freedom of knowing everything is going to be OK. Through major health scares and a variety of addictive substances, David has been through it all, and maintained humility despite so much interesting growth. If you are interested in engaging in conversations like this one with other people seeking the self-control of sobriety, please consider joining our SHOUT Sobriety program.

Do you say or hear this question in your relationship? Sheri and Matt break down how sex drive fluctuates in both a short-term and long-term way, and discuss the impacts of addiction and recovery on the fluctuation. They also talk about navigating the fluctuations with mutual respect. Sheri and Matt talk about the comment on Matt's new  blog post, "I Might Be Getting Fired." If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Tess has experienced a lot of intolerable alcoholic behavior. But like so many of us, Tess was conditioned to accept the unacceptable, and now she is fighting her way back. Tess is an outstanding mother and great storyteller who blesses us with some really relatable and heartbreaking experiences. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Physical abuse and sexual abuse are more widely understood with societally agreed upon red lines that are not to be crossed. Emotional abuse, on the other hand, is less obvious and less universally understood. But it is every bit as dangerous, and that's why Matt has started keeping an Emotional Safety Journal. Listen to the undisputable benefits of the ESJ, and consider joining Matt in his daily ritual. Speaking of daily rituals, this episode has a lot of toilet talk. Consider yourself warned. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Paige and Matt Robinson have survived Matt's addiction to opiates and alcohol, and now they are doing a ton to help others, especially spouses, find their way out. Listen to how they managed the lies and hiding, and how they process resentments as their marriage thrives. To learn more about Paige and Matt and their work, please visit their website and check out their Till the Wheels Fall Off podcast, online community and recovery course for the spouses of people who have suffered from addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Self-esteem building is critical to both the drinker and the loved ones in recovery from addiction. On this episode, Sheri and Matt explore the role deteriorating self-esteem plays in the spiral into addiction. They also talk about the time Sheri drank excessively to medicate her hatred of Fenway Park hotdogs, and Matt dismisses theater kids and musicians like an arrogant jock wanna be. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

We simply cannot live without trust. Trust is foundational to human existence, and Sheri and Matt talk about how naive alcoholics are who expect trust to return with short-term sobriety. They also discuss a real-life example of using detachment to navigate the untrustworthy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

If you have experienced religious trauma, work stress, marriage distress, alcohol use disorder or the problematic drinking of a family member, this conversation has something for you. Alan Thompson has experienced addiction in a painfully wide variety of ways, and he is bold and brave to talk about it with vulnerability and authenticity. If you are ready so start healing from your own drinking, please consider joining us in our SHOUT Sobriety program.

We are all familiar with the addictions that are associated with moral failings and a lack of willpower - stigmatized addictions to alcohol and other drugs, for example. But there are also addictions that are glorified in our society. Sheri and Matt discuss addiction to power control, and how there is a better path than trying to control something as uncontrollable as addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Sheri and Matt have talked a lot about the impact of Matt's drinking on their kids. On this episode, the couple talks about the impact of recovery on how they parent. With emotional safety as the guiding principle, it is interesting how much they have both changed when interacting with their kids. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

You have probably heard Sheri and Matt talk about the importance of resentment processing. Now, on this episode, listen to the couple work through real resentments. They discuss both old resentments from Matt's drinking days, and also new resentments that occur in long-term sobriety. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

We talk a lot about a lack of emotional safety in committed partnerships. But how do we get there? What societal, generational and toxic factors dissolve the emotional safety between people who love each other? If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

AnnMarie's divorce was final one year ago, and her physical, mental and emotional transition that has taken place over the past 12 months is remarkable. She is amazed at how she feels now, and she blesses us with a vivid description of what she encountered as she removed herself from her alcoholic marriage. Check out the all new Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Intimacy repair work starts with building emotional intimacy. Even when we crave the connection of physical contact, if the emotional foundation has not been established and nurtured, then sex will feel unfulfilling, and even destructive. Learn about the work of intimacy repair, and hear Matt accidentally stumble upon Sheri's nickname from her high school job. Check out the all new Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.  

When we met Luke, he was ready to get serious about sobriety, and he was eager to recover his marriage. Now, months later, he is making serious progress in recovery, but Luke's marriage has dissolved. Please listen to Luke share his raw and vulnerable story of triumph through heartbreak. Check out the all new Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you are ready to explore sobriety and recovery, please check out our SHOUT Sobriety program.

Cheap Trick had it half right. As Sheri and Matt break down, it is much healthier if, "I want you to want me," than if, "I need you to need me." Need versus want. Love versus like. Significant nuance as our society maneuvers through a monumental shift in cultural role changes that impact relationships in consequential ways. Sheri and Matt are about to launch the Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our email list on SoberAndUnashamed.com. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.