Untoxicated Podcast

This is one of the most extreme cases of an incredibly normal experience. What started for Jen as social drinking with a new boyfriend eventually built to emotional abuse, financial abuse, physical abuse, and narcissistic behavior years into marriage. Jen had to pull herself and her kids from danger, and start over personally and professionally. This is a relatable story on overdrive. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don't really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You've got this, and we've got you.

Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: Enough Is having enough about getting more or needing less? I was at a casual lunch meeting with six people and two eight-slice pizzas. I ate one slice of pepperoni and one slice of margherita. I was still hungry, and the pizza was really delicious, but you could not have force-fed me a third slice… If you are ready to pursue your own personal answers about having enough, and about the impact of alcohol on your life, either as the drinker or the partner, please take our survey so we can engage you where you are in your own discovery process. UntoxicatedSurvey.org

In this quarterly session with licensed clinical social worker and mental health therapist, Lara Hammock, Sheri and Matt ask Lara listener questions about trauma and triggers, reconnection after detachment, the recovery timeline, and moderation after alcoholism. Lara also gives feedback on relationship confrontation and Matt’s insecurities. The episode ends with a vulnerable conversation about mental health while navigating the Epstein scandal and tragedy. Please check out Lara’s new YouTube channel @theIllustratingTherapist. To ask Lara a question for next quarter’s episode, email matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com with “Ask Lara” as the subject. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don't really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You've got this, and we've got you.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Shameful Awakening” We hope you will engage. Please read and leave a comment about where you are in your process on our Sober and Unashamed website and blog here.

Trigger warning: Epstein and power addiction (to skip graphic discussion, please go to 17:45). Do you recognize this cycle: Conflict, huffiness, a period of no contact,  maybe a half-assed apology, an attitude of “water under the bridge” / never speak of this again, and lingering resentments that haunts? If so, this episode is for you, whether you are from the Midwest or not. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don't really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You've got this, and we've got you.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Catastrophism” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Catastrophism” Take the survey about alcoholism and emotional safety. To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed blog.

Dan Purcell is an intimacy coach and the host of the Get Your Marriage On! podcast. Sheri and Matt ask Dan about taboo subjects around sexuality, safety, enthusiastic consent, desire discrepancy, reactive arousal, stress, and shame. For all of Dan’s resources, go to GetYourMarriageOn.com. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don't really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You've got this, and we've got you.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Soft Pillows” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Soft Pillows” Take the survey about alcoholism and emotional safety. To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed blog.

Sheri talks about breaking free from an instinctual and conditioned compulsion to prioritize Matt’s needs over hers. Her transformation has not only had a positive personal effect, but it has made her more effective at home, at work, and in the community. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don't really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You've got this, and we've got you.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Cold Hands” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Cold Hands” To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed blog.

Sara Kaufman-Bradstreet got sober, along with her husband, six years ago, and she talks with Sheri and Matt about triggers, parenting, the alcoholic label, stuffing emotions, sex and intimacy, going public, and self-confidence. Please check out Sara @NoMoreWastedDays on Instagram, TikTok, and facebook, and listen to the No More Wasted Days podcast. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don't really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You've got this, and we've got you.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “And I Thought Alcohol Addiction Was Dangerous” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “And I Thought Alcohol Addiction Was Dangerous” To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed blog.

In her 25 years as a couples therapist, Amy Lombardi, LPC, has worked with thousands of people, and can think of zero clients for whom alcohol has enhanced their life or relationship. In fact, alcohol is quite often a stated or underlying reason for partnership dysfunction. Amy talks with Sheri and Matt about imposter syndrome, resentment processing, trauma, defensiveness, blame shifting, detachment, healthy connection, self-confidence, and narcissism. Amy gives an enthusiastic endorsement of the need for Emotional Masculinity. Please follow her @AmyOnRelationships on Instagram and TikTok. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Kelly, Melanie, and Tess make a return visit to the podcast, this time to share their hard-earned wisdom about their pitfalls and successes in navigating the world of dating after alcoholic marriages. Insights and laughter are plentiful. If you are consider reentry into the dating scene, this is 90 minutes that will save you months of frustration. For a free trial month in Echoes of Recovery or SHOUT Sobriety, please start the enrollment process in January. If you have been impacted by your partner's drinking or emotional abuse, go to EchoesOfRecovery.org. If you are leaving alcohol behind or trying to create an environment of emotional safety, go to SHOUTSobriety.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Million-Dollar Endorsement” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Million-Dollar Endorsement” To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed blog.

Emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible bruises. Emotional abuse is always one weak apology away from being brushed under the rug. But trust and physical intimacy are impossible without emotional safety, and anything that disrupts emotional safety is abuse. Sheri and Matt talk through 10 forms of emotional abuse, from the obvious to the subtle. For a free trial month in Echoes of Recovery or SHOUT Sobriety, please start the enrollment process in January. If you have been impacted by your partner’s drinking or emotional abuse, go to EchoesOfRecovery.org. If you are leaving alcohol behind or trying to create an environment of emotional safety, go to SHOUTSobriety.org.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “The Cruelty of Addiction” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “The Cruelty of Addiction” To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed Blog.

In this second episode of a two-part series, Sheri and Matt talk about how anxiety, depression, and nervous system activation continued into the first several holiday seasons of Matt’s permanent sobriety. If you are going through the holidays without alcohol, don’t let perfection be the enemy of peacefulness. If the alcohol consumption of your partner created chaos, trauma, or nervous-system dysregulation, please take our one-minute survey to find out if you belong in Echoes of Recovery.

New from Kelly from the Evolution Series on Sober and Unashamed: “Christmas Card” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Christmas Card” To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed Blog.

In this first episode in a two-part series about the impact of alcohol and the holidays, Sheri and Matt tell stories of Matt’s active addiction, and the trauma, chaos, and nervous system dysregulation alcohol caused. Is there a story that hits home for you? If the alcohol consumption of your partner created chaos, trauma, or nervous-system dysregulation, please take our one-minute survey to find out if you belong in Echoes of Recovery.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Elephant Around the Christmas Tree” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Elephant Around the Christmas Tree” To read this and much more, check out our Sober and Unashamed Blog.

It is widely believed that we are harder on ourselves than anyone else will ever be on us. How did we get this way? Is the societal conditioning different for women than for men? How does alcohol impact our self doubt? Most importantly, how can we break our negative cycles? If the alcohol consumption of your partner created chaos, trauma, or nervous-system dysregulation, please take our one-minute survey to find out if you belong in Echoes of Recovery.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Parents Crushing Kids’ Emotional Grit” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Parents Crushing Kids’ Emotional Grit” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Addiction is a spectrum disorder, and the overwhelming abundance of access to dopamine in our culture means awareness is our only hope. Listen to help you determine where you are on the spectrum with your addictions (hint: if you don’t think you have any addictions, but you do have habits, patterns, and routines, you should probably give this a listen). The tsunami isn’t coming. It’s here. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Masculinity that’s NOT Toxic” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Masculinity that’s NOT Toxic” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

The results are in! More than physical features, more than financial resources, people are looking for Kindness and Emotional Safety in potential partners and within committed relationships. Matt shares the results of our recent survey taken by many podcast listeners, and Sheri reveals her answers to the research questions. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “3 Things I Love about Friendsgiving” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “3 Things I Love about Friendsgiving” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

It is easy to calculate the costs associated with dissolving a relationship, but when people fight to stay together, they often fail to analyze the costs of maintaining the partnership. Sheri and Matt discuss the costs of marriage that linger even after years of individual recovery from alcoholism. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Emotional Safety is a Dying Fad” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Emotional Safety is a Dying Fad” To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Introducing our new quarterly series with listener questions answered by Lara Hammock, licenced clinical social worker and mental health therapist working with both individuals and couples. Topics covered on this episode range from attachment styles to childhood trauma, therapeutic techniques to reestablishing intimacy, and much more. Please send questions for Lara's next episode to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com. Check out all the tools Lara shares on her website. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “I Wish She Would Die” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “I Wish She Would Die” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Humans are complicated, and when we lose someone, or separate from someone, we have to reconcile the good memories and the bad. Yes, there is relief that the trauma and toxicity are over. But getting to the feeling of relief...that is a challenge that deserves attention. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

"I made myself small to cope." This is a sentiment expressed by the loved ones of alcoholics who get used to walking on egg shells, and also the alcoholics themselves who shrink to avoid detection about the extent of their drinking. Sheri and Matt talk about finding their voices in recovery, including the introduction of the concept of sacrifice as an aspect of Emotional Masculinity. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Atrophied Intelligence” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Atrophied Intelligence” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

When relationships deteriorate, as frequently happens in an alcoholic marriage, partners often stay together clinging to the romantic fairytale or because of binding dysfunction that makes leaving feel impossible. In this episode, Sheri and Matt highlight 11 common examples. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “The Divorce Rate is Too Low” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “The Divorce Rate is Too Low” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

In order for relationships to evolve to meet the demands of consistent emotional safety, many of us need to first understand the assignment. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how masculinity can evolve to provide and protect emotional safety in partnerships and families. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Bizarre at the Boathouse, Part 2” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Bizarre at the Boathouse, Part 2” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Sex in a committed partnership should never be considered obligatory. Sex should be earned, and on this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the sequence of events that leads to mutually satisfying sex. If there is drinking in your relationship that is blamed on the lack of sex, this episode is for you. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Bizarre at the Boathouse, Part 1” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Bizarre at the Boathouse, Part 1” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Lundy Bancroft is the author of the world's best selling book on domestic violence titled, "Why Does He Do That?" He has spent the last three decades counseling men who abuse and consulting with their victims. On this episode, Lundy explains that, "An active alcoholic will never deal with his abusiveness," and about a million other fascinating aspects of all kinds of abuse. We bet you'll be surprised by some of the control and manipulation tactics defined as physical abuse. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Progress” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Progress” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Our society has changed dramatically in the last century, and the gender gap has been almost completely eliminated. But our culture still has some catching up to do. Sheri and Matt explore the concept of emotional masculinity, taking emotional safety to the next level. If you are a man trying to figure out your role or identity, this conversation is for you. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Yummy Summer of Turd” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Yummy Summer of Turd” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

From high school through young adulthood, the pressure felt by people in their teens and 20s is unlike anything experienced by preceding generations. Sheri and Matt offer evidence of the enormous stress of entering adulthood, speculate about the causes, and discuss what we all can do to alleviate the pressure (hint: we can't wait for government policy intervention). Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Rubber Stamping a Toxic Culture” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Rubber Stamping a Toxic Culture” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

There is comfort in assigning the blame for relationship dysfunction and emotional abuse on the alcohol or the addiction. But what if we could make a cultural shift to prevent the need for blame and  shame? Sheri and Matt discuss what would happen if we added emotional abuse to the list of behaviors that cross a clear red line. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “Senseless Urgency” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “Senseless Urgency” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Lara Hammock is a licenced clinical social worker and mental health therapist working with both individuals and couples. She is creative and inventive, and Lara joins Sheri and Matt to share her COME-TO method to complain constructively. Listeners who like a great acronym, and love to hear Sheri tell it like it is, will enjoy hearing Sheri process a real life complaint she has about Matt. Check out all the tools Lara shares on her website, including a download of her COME-TO worksheet. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

New from Sober and Unashamed: “A.B.D.” We have published hundreds of essays on alcoholism, recovery, sex and intimacy, underlying issues, growth and progress. Maybe you love to read, but just don't seem to find the time. We hope you'll listen to this audio version of our latest written offering titled: “A.B.D.” Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. To read this and much more, check out or Sober and Unashamed Blog.

Even when done with loving intent, restriction and control does not lead to the desired results of obedience and conformity: restriction leads to rebellion. Just ask anyone ever who has tried to control someone else's drinking. Click here to take our survey on attraction and relationships. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.