Podcasts about prodependence

Dr. Robert Weiss, the founding director of Seeking Integrity LLC, dedicated his career to understanding and treating sex addiction. If your partner struggles with any addiction, or you are concerned they might, this show provides vital guidance that will benefit you both. After all, whether or not infidelity is involved, addiction is still a betrayal.   Top Takeaways Idleness of Threats: Dr. Weiss underscores the importance of following through on ultimatums, especially when dealing with addiction. Empty threats can undermine your stance and lead to being taken for granted. If you promise to take action in response to a relapse or deceit, you must follow through to establish firm boundaries. Boundary Setting Over Immediate Departure: Instead of immediately leaving a partner who has relapsed or lied, Dr. Weiss suggests starting with practical boundary-setting measures. These can include ending sexual relations and relocating the addict's sleeping arrangements, which helps in reclaiming your space and self-respect without uprooting your life all at once. Honesty and Communication as Cornerstones for Recovery: Both Dr. Weiss and Lora Cheadle stress the significance of honesty and small acts of truthfulness in rebuilding trust. It's not just about major confessions but also about owning up to everyday actions and lies, which collectively help in restoring faith and intimacy in the relationship. For those looking to delve deeper into the topic, Dr. Weiss offers additional resources, such as his 11 books, podcasts with over 1.6 million downloads, and online presence, making extensive information accessible for continued support and learning. Listen now to uncover how you can foster a positive, trusting, and compassionate relationship after betrayal. Continue this empowering journey by tuning in to our future episodes and letting us guide you towards a life you truly love.   Are you ready to Rise Up & Reign as the Divine Queen of your Life? Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life you love on the other side of betrayal. Work individually with Lora or complete her online Rise Up & Reign Affair Recovery Program in the privacy of your own home. Learn more at www.AffairRecoveryForWomen.com     About Dr. Robert Weiss Dr. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT is Founding Director of Seeking Integrity LLC, which provides residential and online treatment, education, and support for male sexual addicts and their families. Seeking Integrity also offers specialized residential treatment for men with co-occurring sexual and substance abuse disorders. An educator, author, and licensed clinician for nearly 30 years, Dr. Rob has created six residential intimacy and addiction treatment programs in the US, Southeast Asia, and the US military. He has served as a subject-matter expert for numerous major media outlets, including CNN, NPR, and The New York Times, among others. Dr. Rob is the author of eleven books, including Prodependence, Sex Addiction 101, and Out of the Doghouse. His Psychology Today blog, “Love and Sex in the Digital Age,” has over 22 million reads, while his podcast, “Sex, Love, & Addiction,” has over 1.2 million downloads. Learn more at www.seekingintegrity.com   About Lora Lora Cheadle is an attorney, TEDx speaker, and betrayal recovery coach who helps women turn their devastation into an invitation to rise up and reign. Whether reclaiming what they let go of along the way, rebuilding their identity, or stepping into a stronger sense of self-trust and self-worth, Lora's expert guidance empowers women to uncover the truth™ of what they are capable of and deserve. After being shattered by her husband's fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand the skills and strategies necessary to stop feeling broken and start living fully and freely. She is licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, is a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, advanced integrated energy practitioner, and is certified to teach yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal train. She is the author of the International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller, FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self and host of the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal. She lives in Colorado and loves travel, adventure, and a good book.  

Mequell and Adam are joined by Dr. Kim Buck, PhD, LPC, CCS, CSAT Yes, that's a lot of acronyms but she's a whole lotta awesome so that checks out. She talks about the new direction of counseling with a prodependent focus instead of a codependent one. She discusses what healthy boundaries look like and how to support someone in crisis. Go listen! You are going to realize quickly that "a whole lotta awesome" is a massive understatement. https://familystrategies.org/kim-buck/ https://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Prodependence-Alternative-Codependency-Treatment-ebook/dp/B09YWPDSG6 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mequell-buck/message

When loving someone struggling with addiction, it's often hard to see the best in them because of the chaos and confusion they bring into our lives. The situation may also bring out the worst in us. But Dr. Robert Weiss offers a different perspective on such troubling relationships, which he talks about with host Gail Ferguson Jones. Dr. Rob, a licensed therapist for nearly 30 years, has coined the term Prodependence, an approach which encourages loving support for addicts, which he says is preferrable to detachment from them and their problem. He is Chief Clinical Officer of the Seeking Integrity Treatment program, and author of 11 books, including, "Prodependence. Beyond the Myth of Codependency." He recommends these important steps to help loved ones heal and cope: Don't go it alone. Seek help. Find a source of support. Don't ignore your own self-care. Set boundaries Spirituality/hope/faith Learn more about Dr. Rob and his books and program at: https://seekingintegrity.com/   You can also hear more about prodependency on his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPZmacFlTtg Learn more about my Buttrfly Effect Peer Recovery Coaching program at: https://linktr.ee/GailFergusonJones or email me at: info@buttrflyeffect.com. Music for the Buttrfly Effect Podcast, "Inspire Me," by Mixaund Bandcamp at: mixaundbandcamp.com.

Dr. Rob and Tami discuss what an addict can do if the 12-step program just isn't for them. Should they stop going? Should they keep white-knuckling it? Tami offers resources for those who feel very out of place at these particular meetings. When it comes to recovery, getting the help you need and doing so correctly is the most important step in the process.   TAKEAWAYS: [:35] I noticed my SA and other SA men do not have healthy male friendships. Is this normal? [4:15] If these unhealthy female relationships make you uncomfortable, you need to voice your concerns. [6:45] My SA wants guarantees from me that I'll still be with him once he enters into a program. How do I handle this? [11:00] Every therapist says addiction isn't about the sex, however, my addict says otherwise. What do you think, Dr. Rob? [14:30] Why do addicts have intimate avoidant attachment issues? [18:05] I don't seem to fit into the 12-Step program but I still go anyway. Is there any chance I can find integrity without attending these particular meetings? [24:55] What does a healthy sexual relationship look like in a married couple? [27:40] If you're a betrayed spouse, please read Dr. Rob's book Prodependence. It will help clarify any questions you might have.   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss “What is the Concept of ‘Home,' Really?”  

Is it sex addiction, or is he just a cheater? Does the distinction even matter? That is just one of the topics I discuss in this episode with my guest, Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW (Dr. Rob). Dr. Rob is the Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, which provides online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. During our conversation, we delve into the differences between sex addiction and love addiction and discuss whether sex addiction is just a fancy name for cheating. We also explore coping with betrayal and how to move forward and restore trust as a couple. This episode provides a deep and informative conversation about sex addiction and cheating and provides insights for listeners who may be struggling with these issues in their own relationships. Featured topics include: The difference between sex addiction and love addiction (5:18) Is sex addiction just a fancy name for cheating? (15:09) Coping with betrayal: understanding betrayal trauma and ambivalent love (22:44) How to move forward and restore trust as a couple after betrayal (30:20) “There is nothing you have ever done that caused this to happen.” (38:42) Dr. Rob sounds off about codependence vs. prodependence (39:05) The impact on children when a parent cheats or is a sex addict, plus what to say or not to say to a child about their cheating/addicted parent (51:50) Learn more about Dr. Rob: Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, with clinical programs that provide online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. A psychotherapist and addiction specialist, he has created six intimacy and addiction treatment programs in the US, Southeast Asia, and the US military. Dr. Weiss is an online host for Digital Addiction on A&E. He has served as a subject-matter expert for numerous major media outlets, including CNN, NPR, and The New York Times, among others. He is the author of eleven books, including Prodependence, Sex Addiction 101, and Out of the Doghouse. His Psychology Today blog, “Love and Sex in the Digital Age,” has over 21 million reads, while his podcast, “Sex, Love, & Addiction,” has over 1.1 million downloads. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-209-sex-addiction-cheating-and-betrayal-with-dr-rob/  Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A SessionGrit & Grace Coaching ProgramPrivate Coaching with Kate Dr. Rob's website Dr. Rob on YouTube Dr. Rob on Twitter Dr. Rob on Facebook Dr. Rob on LinkedIn Sex, Love, and Addiction podcast A Light In the Dark (book) TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM   An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage…once and for all.  In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you'll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?   DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Robert Weiss, author of Prodependence. Topic: Moving beyond codependence. Issues: Addiction, empathy, and psychotherapy; what is codependence? Our need to connect; defining and understanding pro-dependence; addiction is an intimacy disorder; creating and living co-dependent relationships. Kurt Newman, author of Healing Children. Topic: Stories from the frontiers of pediatric medicine. Issues: A longtime pediatric surgeon talks […] The post Beyond Co-Dependence + Triumphs and Tragedies in Healing Children appeared first on Mr. Dad.

People who care for loved ones suffering from addiction or mental health issues are frequently labeled and even pathologized as part of the problematic and addictive cycle. Dr. Robert Weiss would like to honor, validate, and acknowledge the love and effort of these people who choose to stick around and help their loved ones get better, whether or not they are doing it correctly, because the truth is that most of us are not trained to assist someone who is dealing with these issues. In this episode, Dr. Weiss gives context for codependency and its significance around addiction, as well as the new concept of Prodependence, a less stigmatizing way of looking at and treating addicts' loved ones that is rapidly replacing this model. Robert Weiss Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, working with sex, porn, and substance/sex addicted men. He is the author of 10 books, including Prodependence, Sex Addiction 101, and Out of the Doghouse. His Psychology Today blog, Love and Sex in the Digital Age, has over 20 million readers to date, and his podcast, Sex, Love, & Addiction, has more than 600,000 downloads since its inception in 2019. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 12:17 Dr. Robert Weiss and his incredible passion for educating people. 14:13 Why Dr. Weiss disagrees with the codependency model. 23:15 Codependency versus Prodependency, particularly in intimate relationships. 29:37 Recognizing people's love and effort in caring for loved ones with addiction and mental health issues. 39:30 Understanding why some people become addicted to alcohol, drugs, or whatever substance they prefer. 46:48 Why is it vital to change one's perspective when working with loved ones? 53:45 How to connect with Dr. Weiss. Mentioned Prodependence: Beyond the Myth of Codependency, Revised Edition (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Dr. Weiss Websites: seekingintegrity.com — sexandrelationshiphealing.com Facebook: facebook.com/SexandHealing Twitter: twitter.com/robweissmsw — twitter.com/SexandHealing LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sexaddictionspecialist Podcast: Sex, Love, and Addiction Blog: Love and Sex in the Digital Age (*Psychology Today) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Supporting a partner with an addiction can be a very challenging journey. Dr. Weiss' prodependence approach revolutionized addiction healthcare by improving the ways we treat loved ones of addicts and other troubled people by offering them more dignity for their suffering rather than blame for the problem. Listen to today's episode to learn more about prodependence.  In this episode with Dr. Rob Weiss, we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Understanding how the theory of codependency evolved in the psychiatric treatment community Why the traditional approach to healing for those partnered with an addict may not be healthy The importance of not shaming someone who is partnered with an addict How to best support a partner with an addiction And much more! Sponsors Faherty Brand makes the best clothes, from premium fabrics with gotta-feel-it-to-believe-it softness. Head to FahertyBrand.com and enter the promo code IDO at checkout to snag 20% off ALL your new spring staples. Füm is a tobacco-free non-electronic inhaler used to quit smoking and vaping naturally. Join 50,000+ worldwide and create healthier positive habits. Quit naturally with Füm and use IDO to save 10% at https://www.breathefum.com/IDO. Fuzzy is is a tele-health service for pet parents that offers 24/7 access to personalized pet care from veterinary professionals. Fuzzy is offering our listeners a FREE 7-Day Trial membership. Go to YourFuzzy.com/ido today to sign up. Calm is the #1 app for sleep and meditation. Transform your life with just a few minutes a day. For listeners of the show, Calm is offering an exclusive offer of 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com/ido. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah

Dr. Weiss shares his story recovery from trauma, sex addiction & intimacy disorder. He also shares valuable insight into the current state of human development in this generation as it relates to families and the prevalence of intergenerational trauma. Dr. Weiss is one of the founding authorities helping people to heal from intimacy disorders like compulsive sexual behavior and related drug abuse. He is also a nationally acclaimed speaker and author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. Dr. Weiss hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity's self-help website, (listed in the links below). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Weiss can be contacted via both websites listed. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). _____________ Links: Dr. Robert Weiss: www.SexandRelationshipHealing.com Seeking Integrity: www.seekingintegrity.com Patrick Custer: Insta: www.instagram.com/patrick_custer Rooted Recovery Stories Podcast: Insta: www.instagram.com/rootedrecoverystories URL: www.rootedrecoverystories.com Promises Behavioral Health - Help for addiction, mental health/trauma: Call: (888) 648-4098 URL: www.promisesbehavioralhealth.com Insta: www.instagram.com/promises_bh #robweiss #robertweiss #sexualaddiction #compulsivesexualbehavior #impulsivesexualbehavior #intimacydisorder #addictionawareness #brainbodyconnection #endthestigma #healing #inspiration #listen #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #negativeselftalk #panicattack #physicalhealth #podcast #recovery #recoveryispossible #recoverystory #recoverywarriors #secureattachment #selfcare #setboundaries #sexaddiction #trauma #traumarecovery #wedorecover #yourenotalone

Dr. Weiss shares his story recovery from trauma, sex addiction & intimacy disorder. He also shares valuable insight into the current state of human development in this generation as it relates to families and the prevalence of intergenerational trauma. Dr. Weiss is one of the founding authorities helping people to heal from intimacy disorders like compulsive sexual behavior and related drug abuse. He is also a nationally acclaimed speaker and author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. Dr. Weiss hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity's self-help website, (listed in the links below). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Weiss can be contacted via both websites listed. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). _____________ Links: Dr. Robert Weiss: www.SexandRelationshipHealing.com Seeking Integrity: www.seekingintegrity.com Patrick Custer: Insta: www.instagram.com/patrick_custer Rooted Recovery Stories Podcast: Insta: www.instagram.com/rootedrecoverystories URL: www.rootedrecoverystories.com Promises Behavioral Health - Help for addiction, mental health/trauma: Call: (888) 648-4098 URL: www.promisesbehavioralhealth.com Insta: www.instagram.com/promises_bh . . . . . #robweiss #robertweiss #sexualaddiction #compulsivesexualbehavior #impulsivesexualbehavior #intimacydisorder #addictionawareness #brainbodyconnection #endthestigma #healing #inspiration #listen #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #negativeselftalk #panicattack #physicalhealth #podcast #recovery #recoveryispossible #recoverystory #recoverywarriors #secureattachment #selfcare #setboundaries #sexaddiction #trauma #traumarecovery #wedorecover #yourenotalone

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he did his dissertation on codependency) and a masters in social work, and is an expert on addiction and adult intimacy disorders. He explains why codependence is not an actual diagnosis, and the blame and shame that the label carries is damaging to the loved ones of alcoholics. He calls the spouses and family of people suffering from addiction heroes, and explains why the concept of Prodependence is so much more accurate and effective because it celebrates empathy, compassion and relationship building. Dr. Rob honors Sheri for having the loving strength endure Matt's alcoholism and do her very best to help him find permanent sobriety. You can find more about Dr. Rob and his work at his websites: prodependence.com seekingintegrity.com sexandrelationshiphealing.com If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

How do we expect positive outcomes in recovery when all of the language we use has a negative orientation? Stop drinking. Fix your spiritual deficiency. Don't be codependent. Focusing on positive outcomes is more than fluffy self-help jargon. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the kinds of fundamental changes required for the recovery community to earn improved success rates. Matt quotes Dr. Abby Medcalf (Untoxicated Ep90) and Dr. Robert Weiss (Author of Prodependence and future Untoxicated guest) about the importance of positivity in the work they do with people in recovery. After the recording stops, Sheri makes fun of Matt's man crush on Dr. Weiss for about a day and a half (sorry you can't hear that). If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased to have Karen on the podcast to share her discovery path to healing her alcoholic marriage, now three years into sobriety. Karen uses compassion and lived experience to tell her story and inspire others. One of her greatest strengths is finding resources that help in her process, and she talks with Sheri and Matt about one of her favorite books, Prodependence. This episode is full of hope and honesty. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program. Echoes of Recovery

Dr. Rob and Tami dive in and answer questions about the recovery community, the differences between sex addiciton and being a sex offender, and why addicts have intimacy disorders. Connection is scary for an addict, this is why they often seek external forces to escape and numb out. On your journey to recovery, it's about uncovering your blocks to intimacy and re-learning how to connect with another human being in a healthy way again.    TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is a relapse and why is a recovery community important?  [2:40] Therapy ends, but 12 step meetings do not.  [6:00] What's the difference between a sex addict and a sex offender?  [9:55] My partner is a sex addict. Are addicts responsible for their actions or do they have no control?  [11:10] Acting out is just a symptom of the problem.  [14:00] Prodependence seems a bit complicated. Is there a simplified version?  [15:55] All addicts, including alcoholics, have intimacy disorders. They want to escape and numb out.  [17:05] Is sexual abuse common among love addicts? [21:20] What's the difference between an addict vs. someone who just cheats repeatedly?  [23:55] Your husband is regularly cheating? Please, please protect your health.  [24:15] What's the difference between sobriety vs. recovery? [27:30] Dr. Rob explains the saying: ‘Whatever I put in front of my recovery. I will lose'.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Rob and Tami talk about prodependence and share why broken people seek other broken people. If you're an emotional 4, anyone higher on the ‘healthy' scale is going to seem too boring to you, or vice versa, they see you as someone with too much drama. You are not a victim for loving who you love.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dr. Rob, can you please clarify something in your book, Prodependence? [7:25] If you're an emotional 4, you're going to find other emotional 4s because emotional 8s are going to appear ‘too boring'. [9:30] What's wrong with the addict vs. what's wrong with the partners loving their addicts? [13:25] We didn't come into the relationship with issues, our addict just masked a better version of themselves to us. Dr. Rob shares his thoughts on this. [18:05] I'm a single man with sexual needs. I see escorts. Am I a sex addict? [22:40] Are you running away from intimacy? [26:20] I'm a love addict and a lot of people have left my life. I feel really alone, what do I do?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

Robert Weiss, author of Prodependence. Topic: Moving beyond codependence. Issues: Addiction, empathy, and psychotherapy; what is codependence? Our need to connect; defining and understanding pro-dependence; addiction is an intimacy disorder; creating and living co-dependent relationships. Kurt Newman, author of Healing Children. Topic: Stories from the frontiers of pediatric medicine. Issues: A longtime pediatric surgeon talks […] The post Beyond Co-Dependence + Triumphs and Tragedies in Healing Children appeared first on Mr. Dad.

Dr. Rob Weiss joins Brannon, Coby and Ashlynn as they tackle the issue of co-occurring addictions and what that looks like. Robert Weiss Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, He is the author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. His Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast is currently in the Top 10 of US Addiction-Health Podcasts. Dr. Rob hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity's self-help website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com (@SexandHealing). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Rob can be contacted via Seeking Integrity.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). We are glad you found our season 3 episodes where we share some of our most advanced learnings and bring amazing experts on when it comes to relationships, and the challenges of healing both sides of the relationship after sex addiction and infidelity. Our journey has taken us a long ways from the time we recorded these episodes, but many have still found help and hope for healing in the information. We hope you always seek healing first for yourself, and where possible for the relationship, though staying together or choosing divorce or separation can occur at the point of betrayal and at times even after healing from betrayal and addictions. If you would like support in healing from betrayal we'd invite you to look at our program https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal It is not a program about staying together or leaving your partner, but rather finding the healing we need as an individual who has been made aware of our partner cheating. If you would like support from a licensed therapist contact Brannon's office at www.utahtherapy.org To find out about Ashlynn's groups https://www.thisisashlynn.com/mentoring To get support from Coby check out www.growwithcoby.com Thanks for your continued support for the podcast throughout all of our journey.

Dr. Rob Weiss joins Brannon, Coby and Ashlynn as they tackle the issue of co-occurring addictions and what that looks like.   Robert Weiss Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, He is the author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. His Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast is currently in the Top 10 of US Addiction-Health Podcasts. Dr. Rob hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity’s self-help website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com (@SexandHealing). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Rob can be contacted via Seeking Integrity.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). Get Started ... https://www.beyond-enough.com/step1 Check out our Course Shattered Trust to Thriving Intimacy here... www.shatteredtothriving.com And subscribe to the podcast here... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Connect with us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/betrayedaddi... Connect with us on instagram https://www.instagram.com/recovery_co... https://www.instagram.com/brannon_pat... https://www.instagram.com/ashlynnandcoby

Dr. Rob is back with a continuation of last week’s episode about explaining what prodependence is. How can we better navigate and not stigmatize the people who are just trying to care for their loved ones? Spouses feel terrible enough being married to an active addict, our jobs as therapists is to not make them question themselves, but to help them through their feelings. They are in crisis mode and this means therapists need to do crisis counseling, not codependency counseling. Dr. Rob is tired of seeing spouses blamed for codependency when they are going through a completely natural reaction.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] The women who wrote these books about codependency had traumatic abusive fathers and they ended up married to alcoholic or abusive husbands. However, this does not mean it’s a universal experience.   [4:50] Women were focused on paving their own way in the 1980s. It was needed, but the writings of that time also reflect that. Today? We can tell a different story, but we’re still stuck in the 1980s dialogue.  [7:40] So many addicts say, “I could get sober if my wife wouldn’t nag so much.”  [11:00] A loved one is in a crisis and they need support, not stigmatism or judgement.  [11:25] How does Dr. Rob define a crisis?  [12:40] How do you help someone through a crisis? What are the steps in crisis counseling? Dr. Rob explains. [14:45] The partner has been victimized and they should not be victimized further by their therapist.   [19:25] We ideally should respond to addicts with love and compassion, to remind them that they are loved.  [25:20] Codependency tells people they’re living in denial. They’re not.  [28:40] How do addicts feel about codependency?  [31:35] Dr. Rob shares what he helps people with at his treatment center.  [32:15] Some treatment centers cut the family members off from treatment and they lose their connection with the addict.  [33:55] With social distancing, how are people staying connected?  [34:55] Dr. Rob believes two broken people working to heal together are going to get further than individuals trying to heal by themselves.    RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency It Will Never Happen to Me! by Claudia Black Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Diagnosing and Treating Co‑dependence by Timmen L. Cermak   QUOTES: “91% of therapists believe that the person who was married to an active addict is in a major crisis.” “Until their family life is settled down, their loved one has gotten sober, they are in a crisis too.” “My job, as a therapist, is to help them through the crisis. Not ask them to question or doubt themselves.”   “Crisis is a state of emotional turmoil for an acute emotional reaction to a powerful stimulus or demand.” “With the addicts in my life that I want to deepen my connection with, I say to them, I love you, whether you’re using or not, I love you whatever state you’re in, and if you need me, I’ll come and sit with you.”

Dr. Rob understands that there might be some confusion over what prodependence is, and sheds some light on how we can better navigate and not stigmatize the people who are just trying to care for their loved one; who so happens to have an addiction problem. We support/feel sorry for the spouse trying to care for their partner’s cancer treatments, but why are they shamed for trying to do the same with mental health or addiction issues? Dr. Rob is tired of seeing spouses blamed for codependency.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:45] Dr. Rob explains what prodependence is by providing a hypothetical example of his wife going through cancer vs. drug addiction.  [5:15] How would your friends and family, and community, react differently to a cancer diagnosis vs. a drug addiction diagnosis?  [8:55] Codependency is just another way of blaming, labelling, and shaming innocent caregivers. [11:55] Codependency is underappreciated and is not a mental health diagnosis.   [14:00] When someone is diagnosed with cancer, they read every book and every resource to help the people they love.  [17:00] When it comes to codependency, which book should you be following? There’s so many and some of them are not qualified.  [21:00] Maybe the reason why we keep writing about this over and over is because it’s never quite worked before?  [24:00] As people help people through addiction, they shouldn’t be labelled as ‘broken’.  [25:00] When did therapists ever do treatment and blamed clients for not fitting into our ‘model’? Yet this happens with supportive partners within addiction all the time.   [29:40] Therapy goes much faster when you don’t label, and blame, the spouses for trying to navigate their partner’s addiction.  [33:15] Stay tuned for part two next week!    RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency It Will Never Happen to Me! by Claudia Black Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Diagnosing and Treating Co‑dependence by Timmen L. Cermak   QUOTES: “What is the difference between someone who is medically ill and someone's in crisis and someone who is mentally ill and addicted and they’re in a crisis?” “Codependency is just another way of blaming, labeling, and shaming innocent caregivers who have done nothing more than try to rescue the person they love.” “As far as insurance companies are concerned, codependency doesn’t exist and as far as mental health is concerned, codependency doesn’t exist.”   “This angers loved ones, leaving them wondering why so much attention is being placed on their dysfunction when they’ve been the hyper-functional ones all along.” “Not being where the client is leaves clients feeling more judged than understood.”

Andrew and Dr. Rob discuss his recent groundbreaking book, Prodependence. It is intended to improve the ways we treat loved ones of addicts and other troubled people, offering them more dignity for their suffering than blame for the problem.  Prodependence chooses to celebrate and value a caregiving loved one’s willingness to support and stay connected with an addicted family member, while promoting healing for the entire family.

Eminent sex addiction expert Dr. Robert Weiss, author of several highly regarded books, including Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Love, and Porn Addiction and Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, describes the world-changing concept of Prodependence:  a fully new paradigm for helping those who love and care for addicts.

Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW (CA LCSW 17610) is an expert in the treatment of adult intimacy disorders and related addictions, most notably sex, porn, and relationship addictions along with co-occurring substance and sex addictions. A clinical sexologist and practicing psychotherapist, Dr. Rob frequently serves as a subject matter expert for major media outlets including CNN, HLN, MSNBC, OWN, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, and NPR, among others.Dr. Rob is the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, Out of the Doghouse, Sex Addiction 101, and Cruise Control, among other books. He blogs regularly for Psychology Today and Psych Central. His podcast, Sex, Love, & Addiction, is rated as a Top 10 Addiction Podcast. He also hosts a weekly live no-cost Webinar with Q&A on SexandRelationshipHealing.com.A skilled clinical educator, Dr. Rob routinely provides training to therapists, hospitals, psychiatric organizations, and even the US military. Over the years, he has created and overseen nearly a dozen high-end addiction and mental health treatment facilities across the globe. For more information or to reach Dr. Rob, visit SeekingIntegrity.com. You can also follow him on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW).To learn more about Rob Lohman, please visit www.LiftedFromTheRut.com

Prodependence... Ending Codependency with Robert Wiess is an amazing conversation with another absolute Expert in the Arena of Addiction. If you have struggled with the shame of addiction or feeling the shame associated with loving a partner that struggles with addiction, you will want to experience this conversation. Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, He is the author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. His Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast is currently in the Top 10 of US Addiction-Health Podcasts. Dr. Rob hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity's self-help website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com (@SexandHealing). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Rob can be contacted via Seeking Integrity.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). We are so grateful we had the time with Dr. Robert Weiss today and hope you enjoy the podcast as well. As Well, you can check out our course for Rebuilding Trust at www.shatteredtothriving.com. Use the code "YTFAN" to get a special discount only for our Youtube followers. And Follow us at @recovery_coaches on IG. We are glad you found our season 3 episodes where we share some of our most advanced learnings and bring amazing experts on when it comes to relationships, and the challenges of healing both sides of the relationship after sex addiction and infidelity. Our journey has taken us a long ways from the time we recorded these episodes, but many have still found help and hope for healing in the information. We hope you always seek healing first for yourself, and where possible for the relationship, though staying together or choosing divorce or separation can occur at the point of betrayal and at times even after healing from betrayal and addictions. If you would like support in healing from betrayal we'd invite you to look at our program https://www.beyond-enough.com/beyondbetrayal It is not a program about staying together or leaving your partner, but rather finding the healing we need as an individual who has been made aware of our partner cheating. If you would like support from a licensed therapist contact Brannon's office at www.utahtherapy.org To find out about Ashlynn's groups https://www.thisisashlynn.com/mentoring To get support from Coby check out www.growwithcoby.com Thanks for your continued support for the podcast throughout all of our journey.

Prodependence... Ending Codependency with Robert Wiess is an amazing conversation with another absolute Expert in the Arena of Addiction. If you have struggled with the shame of addiction or feeling the shame associated with loving a partner that struggles with addiction, you will want to experience this conversation. Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, He is the author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. His Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast is currently in the Top 10 of US Addiction-Health Podcasts. Dr. Rob hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity’s self-help website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com (@SexandHealing). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Rob can be contacted via Seeking Integrity.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). We are so grateful we had the time with Dr. Robert Weiss today and hope you enjoy the podcast as well. As Well, you can check out our course for Rebuilding Trust at www.shatteredtothriving.com. Use the code "YTFAN" to get a special discount only for our Youtube followers. And Follow us at @recovery_coaches on IG.

Infidelity is complicated for so many reasons. Many people can’t even agree on what cheating really is. If you got a lap dance at a club, is that cheating? If you flirted with a stranger at the grocery store, is that cheating? If you watched porn, is that cheating? There are a lot of statistics about cheating available online and, unfortunately, a lot of the numbers are self-reported so their accuracy isn’t exactly guaranteed. I found one piece in the New York Times that said, “…national surveys indicate that 15% of married women and 25% of married men have had extramarital affairs. The incidence is about 20% higher when emotional and sexual relationships without intercourse are included.” That’s a lot of cheating! When it comes to infidelity, you can bury your head in the sand if you choose but, with those odds, there’s a good chance you’re going to encounter it in a relationship. Then what? On this podcast I speak with Robert Weiss. The author of 10 books on sex, intimacy and relationships including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse: A Step-By-Step Relationship Saving Guide For Men Caught Cheating and Prodependence, Dr. Rob and I cover many infidelity topics including: WHY MEN TYPICALLY CHEAT THE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REASONS WHY WOMEN TYPICALLY CHEAT WHAT ARE THE SIGNS THAT YOUR PARTNER IS CHEATING ON YOU THE ONE THING YOU CAN DO AS A COUPLE TO DRASTICALLY LOWER THE RISK OF INFIDELITY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP Dr. Rob’s Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast is a Top 10 Addiction Podcast. He also hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on the Seeking Integrity sponsored website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com (@SexandHealing). The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues. Dr. Rob can be contacted via Seeking Integrity.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. You can follow him on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW).  Dr. Rob mentions the work of Psychotherapist Esther Perel, the bestselling author of Mating In Captivity, a bold and provocative take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity will transform the way you look at the rules of marriage and the way you live and love. If you haven’t already, please SUBSCRIBE to the podcast and I’d really appreciate it if you left me a 5-star review in iTunes. Also, I am thisclose to a HUGE milestone on this podcast and I can really use your help. As of this writing, if I can average just 8 more downloads a week, I will be eligible to be carried by a really big channel. Just 8!!! I can really use your help. We now have 40 episodes to choose from and there’s a good chance you’ve missed one or two. Or maybe you wanna brush up on some skills or listen to one of your favorite episodes again. Every click helps! Please help me reach this milestone so we can reach an even bigger and super rad audience. I would really appreciate it. Thank you! Sex Ed The Musical is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. If you make a purchase through one of the above affiliate links, you won’t spend a penny more but I’ll be eligible to receive a small commission. This helps support this podcast and allows me to continue to make free content for you. Thank you for your support.  

I am standing over a cliff looking straight down. The bottom is about 50 feet below me.  The ledge I am are standing on is about 15 feet wide.  There is water coming out the side of the rock and so the ground is covered with mushy moss.  Behind me, there is another cliff, the one I had just climbed down from.  It is about 10 feet high.  I am standing there with my friend Matt.  We are stuck. How in the world did we even get int his mess? This episode explores what is not helpful when we find ourselves stuck on the cliffs of life and what we can do instead.  Troy explores the quote in As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, “A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.” Toni asks a question about how codependency is related to childhood trauma.   Free Resources on Prodependence can be found at https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/prodependence-betrayed-partner-group/ or https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/mens-prodependence-partner-group/ or https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/prodependence/   Send your questions to troy@troyllove.com  

Kim Buck, CSAT and Clinical Director of Family Strategies Counseling Center in Arizona, joins the show this week. Kim and Rob discuss the differences between the Prodependence model vs. Codependence, the interesting results she is finding using this model at her own center, and what is helpful for partners to understand when dealing with betrayal and loving an addict. She and Rob also share why the Prodependence model gives betrayed partners support and compassion in crisis rather than judgment or blame, along with the freedom to examine themselves as much as they wish, when they wish.    TAKEAWAYS: [5:05] Betrayed partners are typically in deep trauma and crisis when dealing with the bad behavior of their addict, and understanding Prodependence gives the perspective of supporting them in their desire to just try and be helpful, instead of being the cause or the one to blame.  [9:30] Kim has her clients look at what is right in the relationship, and what, if anything, is worth saving.  [11:33] Instead of looking for a pathology or reason the betrayed partner caused the addicts behavior, Prodependence deals with the crisis at hand to try and let the partner feel their feelings and begin to get some sense of safety while in such trauma.  [13:50] While other models talk more about the betrayed partners history and past, often times they are just there to get support in the moment.  [16:04] Betrayed partners tend to let go of their own care while attempting to save their relationship and family. In this time of emotional freefall, judging them only produces more fear, hurt, shame and self doubt.  [22:22] It is very common for addicts to blame the spouse, and that also is very hurtful.  [24:10] Kim works with her betrayed clients to validate and support them, show them it wasn’t their fault for the addicts behavior, then help them find boundaries and useful ways to show up in the relationship if they choose to continue.  [26:33] Codependency often calls for detaching from the addict so they can suffer on their own, but this is not always sustainable or healthy for either partners. We have to figure out what is saveable and why they want to be in the relationship, and then work on it from there.  [29:22] Kim finds it’s a natural process to want more understanding down the road, but they can explore the past later once the crisis is over.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  William White  KBuck@familystrategies.org  Family Strategies Counseling Center   QUOTES: “We have to look at strengths individually, and what has gone right in this relationship and what you want to save.”  “When you love someone, you just do what you can to make their life better.”  “Don’t question your love for someone.”  “What I really need, is just space to feel.”  “It’s very easy for caretakers to find themselves in a deficit.”  “The most power you have is a gentle invitation that is offered by example.”   

Tim Stein is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, engaged in helping couples find the love they are meant to have. Tim is the co-founder of Willow Tree Counseling in Santa Rosa, and works with sex addicts and their partners providing individual, group, and couples therapy. Tim is a bright and rising star in the field of sex addiction, and speaks about the expected betrayed partner responses, along with the honesty that must be present in order for true healing and recovery to occur.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:19] Tim co-founded Willow Tree Counseling in Santa Rosa, and this gives an opportunity to people on the central coast of California a place to go during this time of trauma and recovery.  [5:32] Tim understood addict recovery, and got to understand the trauma betrayed partners really went through after working with a colleague. This folded into the partners sensitivity movement, which also goes along with the idea of Prodependence.  [7:38] When a partner is betrayed, there are certain “predictable unpredictable” behaviors and responses. This individual has just had their bottom fall out beneath them, and also may have felt denied of their intuition and devalued for quite some time.  [11:04] Even before a cheating partner is caught, chances are their energy is less than completely loving and connected with their partner. They may start to be even more forgetful, cold or distant, and may be resentful towards their partner to try and justify their bad behavior.  [16:10] Partners can pick up on this energy can have autoimmune or libido issues before the cheating is out in the open. They can pick up on the possible shame and guilt the addict feels, and these cues can cause real physical and emotional symptoms.  [19:02] It’s not a comfortable thing to admit struggle and vulnerability, and even tougher when the addict is in recovery. However, it is part of the important process of building back true trust with their partner and loved ones.  [23:05] Most of the relationships that Tim sees fail occur when the addict isn’t able to do the rigorous work of total honesty and disclosure to make their partner feel safe and understood.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  Seeking Integrity Tim Stein MFT  Willow Tree Santa Rosa  Out of the Dog House    QUOTES: “It’s hard to love someone and hurt them at the same time.”  “Every lie is going to be seen as an example about how you are probably lying about everything.”  “It’s not a comfortable thing to admit struggle and vulnerability.” 

Do you know what sex addiction actually is? This addiction is one of the most misunderstood and controversial addictions in the world, but most people don't actually know what the criteria for it is. It looks very much like other chemical or process addictions, except that sexual behaviors/obsessions are the focal point of what the addict uses as their “drug” of choice. In this episode we explore what sex addiction is (and isn't!) as well as how a sex addict can begin the road to recovery. Our interview with Robert Weiss teaches us: 1) How someone who believes they have problematic sexual behavior can find assessment tools to screen for sex addiction, 2) What factors lie underneath all addiction and how we can be compassionate toward those factors, and 3) How to heal from this addiction, whether you are an addict or the partner of an addict. Robert Weiss is a PhD and Licensed Social worker, and he is an expert in the treatment of adult intimacy disorders and related addictions, most notably sex/porn/relationship addictions along with co-occurring drug/sex addiction. A clinical sexologist and practicing psychotherapist, Dr. Rob frequently serves as a subject matter expert for major media outlets. He's the author of many books, including Prodependence, Out of the Doghouse, Sex Addiction 101, and Cruise Control. He also hosts a weekly live no cost webinar with Q&A on sexandrelationshiphealing.com  

Kim Buck, LPC and CSAT,  joins the show, to share her excitement in the concept of prodependence, and her own experience in integrating it within the treatment of her own clients. Kim has over 15 years of clinical experience as a therapist and works in multiple modalities depending on the clients needs. As the Clinical Director at Family Strategies Counseling Center in Arizona, she runs treatment programs for hundreds of people. She and Rob also talk about the difference between the codependence and prodependence models, and the changes she has seen firsthand in her treatment centers when implementing this model.   TAKEAWAYS: [2:31] Kim heard about the concept of prodependence and was an early adopter, using it in her own practice. The concept of codependency helped in her own recovery, however there were concepts in the model that she found shaming and blaming towards the partner experiencing betrayal. Prodependence addressed those issues for her, and she aligned with it due to how it lessens the blame of the betrayed partner. [8:02] Kim started rewriting some of the curriculum for the partners to integrate the prodependency model. She now has three active prodependence groups for partners of sex addicts, and they learn how to take care of themselves and set boundaries in this time of crisis. [11:56] The first goal of Kim’s work is to help them sort through the mess of their partner’s actions, and offer them support and hope. If they need the additional work, it will come organically. However, oftentimes in the early stages of treatment, people just need support and understanding while they are in crisis mode. [17:34] Prodependence invites the addict to look in the mirror and not blame the other partner for their actions. It increases the chance that a betrayed partner will come back and question what they did in the past, creating a mutually agreed upon opening to explore and grow. [22:45] For Kim, she had some fundamental issues with some of the concepts of codependency, and found that prodependency served to depathologize rather than pathologize. It removes the idea that the partner has an illness that is causing the partner to act out, and instead understands that most often they are just trying their hardest to solve a problem dragging their life down the drain. [28:01] The goal of codependency which is self care and detachment is valid and necessary, but trouble comes in when blame is placed on the partner and sees them as part of the problem.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Arizona Board of Behavioral Health Examiners Family Strategies Counseling Center KBuck@familystrategies.org   QUOTES: “Most people are just trying to help someone they love, and figure out their life.” “If you are married to or involved with an addict, there is nothing in the world you can ever do to make that person drink, use, or act out.”   “The partners come in with a lot of trauma. They are trying to manage the crisis and the craziness.” “They are not trying to fight through a label or diagnosis when they walk through our door.” “We don’t make someone wrong, we make them right.” “Find another partner of an addict who doesn’t feel crazy.”

Dr. Rob Weiss has started a movement that eliminates the word Codependency and it is called Prodependence. He is the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency. We know longer want to pathologize Partners by saying that they are Co-addicts or Co-Dependents. Partners had no idea that their spouse was an addict and therefore they should not be seen as defective or sick. It is time to honor a partner who wants to work through the addiction that has ravaged the family. Kim Buck CSAT, MAPC, LPC, is developing a workbook that will change the way we look at partners and the addict that they love. Listen as Carol the Coach, along with Kim Buck helps to change this trajectory and honor the partner!  

Robert Weiss, author of Prodependence. Topic: Moving beyond codependence. Issues: Addiction, empathy, and psychotherapy; what is codependence? Our need to connect; defining and understanding pro-dependence; addiction is an intimacy disorder; creating and living co-dependent relationships. Kurt Newman, author of Healing Children. Topic: Stories from the frontiers of pediatric medicine. Issues: A longtime pediatric surgeon talks […] The post Prodependence + Healing Children appeared first on Mr. Dad.

It is time to stop pathologizing family members who love addicts. Rob Weiss is at the forefront of starting a new movement to understand the plight of loved ones of addicts and see them in a new light. If you have wondered if you are codependent you must listen to this show

We are excited to have Dr. Rob Weiss back on the podcast!  Rob is talking about his groundbreaking research and new book identifying the problem with the way addiction treatment has traditionally approached partners and relationships.    You can find out more about Dr. Rob and his work at www.prodependence.com   His books can be found on amazon.com  

We are excited to have Dr. Rob Weiss back on the podcast!  Rob is talking about his groundbreaking research and new book identifying the problem with the way addiction treatment has traditionally approached partners and relationships.    You can find out more about Dr. Rob and his work at www.prodependence.com   His books can be found on amazon.com  

Carol Juergensen Sheets, aka “Carol the Coach”, has a passion for understanding trauma, disconnection and isolation, and using her gifts to help both sex addicts and betrayed partners through their darkest moments and into the light of healing. She also loves to use media and broadcasting to spread her message to millions, in a judgment and blame freeway. Today, she talks with Rob about her work in partner focused treatment, her radio show on Blog Talk Radio that receives more than half a million listeners weekly, the concept of blame, guilt and remorse in addiction and the shift she has seen in the field over the past decade. Carol has a deep enthusiasm for her work, and it is apparent in her work as a therapist, coach, media personality or caring member of the community.   TAKEAWAYS: [3:32] Carol has an affinity for disseminating information to the public on a wide scale. Her podcast is one of the oldest, and now has half a million downloads per week. She helps people globally, interviews leading experts and helps colleagues and clinicians gather cutting edge education to bring back in their work.   [7:26] Carol compiled a book in sex addiction, Sexual Addiction: Wisdom from the Masters, that she donated to the American Federation of Research. This body of work served to share the wisdom on a wide range of topics on addiction, compulsion and partner betrayal.   8:16] When Dr. Patrick Carnes appeared on Carol’s radio show, he brought up the notion that suffering and trauma of addiction and betrayal can actually be a precursor for growth, healing and connection.   [9:46] If a partner is acting out and is in a deep and enduring relationship, there is a higher chance they will feel remorse than an individual that is unable to connect. Relationships provide a depth of learning, and isolation continues the process of sexual addiction.   [10:45] It it often helpful for partners to hear that the compulsions and of their sex addict partner started earlier than their relationship. This may help take a large burden of remorse off their backs, and realize they did not cause the behavior and it was present long before their coupling.   [12:18] Carol shares how she noticed a shift in the field around 2007 in how the partners were acknowledged in their deep pain, and not blamed from a model of codependence and causation. She began in to invite them in to her sessions, and realized they needed their own specialized help. She got involved with APSATS, The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, and within a year was training her own colleagues. Partner betrayal is still seen as a deficit area, and Carol supports crisis management both separately AND together between the partner and the addict.   [17:01] Conflict breeds intimacy when partners are able to work through their grief and restore and develop a foundation of safety and stabilization. Once there is full disclosure in the early couples recovery work, couples can begin to work on empathy. The addict must acknowledge the issues, validate the partner’s feelings and reassure the partner that he or she can begin to feel safe. Partners  also must work through their shame, or the blame from others around them from staying with a sex addict.   [21:55] Carol speaks upon an older model that looked at partners with the same need for confrontation as their sex addict partners, even adding the label of codependence. Now, we realize that this is a person in crisis reacting to the betrayal trauma, and they need support rather than blame.   [29:27] Remorse is a natural part of grief, and it is common for the spouse to already blame themselves on some level for their partner’s betrayal. Carol works with her clients on building up their sense of worth and belief that they are deserving of honesty, truth and love.   RESOURCES Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency APSATS American Federation of Medical Research Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal Sex Addiction: Wisdom from the Masters Esther Perel Carol the Coach carol@carolthecoach.com Sex Help with Carol the Coach Sex Help with Carol the Coach - You Tube Blog Talk Radio - Sex Help with Carol the Coach Betrayal Recovery Radio   QUOTES: “With sexual addiction and partner trauma, we aren’t going to get as far as we need to go unless we have the research to substantiate what we know to be true.”   “Suffering can be the precursor for post traumatic growth.” “Isolation is at the root of sexual addiction.” “The addict carries the shame, but the partner carries the pain.” - Esther Perel In any coupleship, there are issues that both people contribute towards or contaminate. Sexual addiction is not one of them.” “Connection is the antidote to suffering.”

Today on the podcast, Rob and his partner in crime (and healing), Tami explore a new model to treat the betrayed and hurting partners of sexual addicts - Prodependence. Rob has been immersed in the last few years in looking for a new model that moves beyond codependency, and helps to validate and support the partners of addicts, rather than pathologizing and blaming them. His new book, Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, explains this model and the framework of attachment vs. trauma therapy and changes the lens from confrontational to invitational.   He and Tami answer questions about the formation of codependency in the 1980’s and how it evolved, the issues with the codependency model, explanation of the “crazy” state of an upset partner, and how Prodependence encourages loving in a manner exhibiting boundaries and self care.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:29] Rob’s book, Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, will be out in September. Rob has been very invested in this topic over his many years as a therapist, including his PhD dissertation on codependency.   [2:06] Q: Why did Rob write Prodependence? A: For the first ten years that Rob was in practice from 1991 - 2001, partners of sex addicts were treated using codependency, the same model that was used for alcohol and drug addiction. This speaks to not just what is going on with the addict, but assumes that a partner’s distress and anger has to do with their own early life experiences instead of the trauma they feel from the addict’s behavior. Codependency says that we are working out and repeating patterns from unresolved relationships.   [3:45] There is an assumption, in the models we have been working with, that the partner is somehow in part responsible for maintaining addiction.   [5:21] Prodependence states that every action a partner or loved one takes - enabling, rescuing, even nagging, is acting out of love. It is the nature of relationships where we are attached, and looking out for our primary bond. When our primary bond is threatened, what seems like “crazy” behavior is really just the partner trying to step up and save their family.   [6:21] Codependency came out in the 1980’s, and became a big pop culture issue during the rise of feminism. It emphasized that partners look at themselves and take accountability, while prodepenence recognizes the partner is going through a major crisis and must be treated for the trauma happening in that present moment for at least the first 60-90 days.   [8:51] When we experience a loss and grieve, we have regrets and remorse as part of the process. It’s natural for partners to blame themselves, rather than realize they have been victimized. There is an emphasis in codependency to look at the partners behavior, and from that, surmise how they enabled the addict’s behavior.   [12:37] Prodepenency supports the proven fact that we do better in life, work and social situations when we have a stable relationship and attached bonds.   [13:35] In the early stages of treatment, it’s important to acknowledge the partner’s suffering and efforts to keep their family together.   [15:35] Q: Do you think that Codependence Treatment as a trauma based model can actually be counterproductive when working with loved ones of addicts? A: The essence of codependency is a trauma based and deficit based model. It says to the partner, you have some problems in the way you love, and pathologizes them to feel wrong and broken for the love they have been trying to show in order to save their family and marriage. Prodependency has empathy for the way they have been trying to love, and supports and teaches them to find a different way.   [21:33] When partners come in to seek help, they often have been lied to and had their suspicions doubted over a long period time. It’s not their early trauma that makes them feel “crazy”, it’s the thought of their whole world being a lie, or getting information that takes the bottom out of everything they have believed to be true.   [24:04] Prodependence says partners act “crazy” because they have been living in a crazy and traumatic situation and living with an active addict who has been lying, cheating and gaslighting them. That’s enough trauma for the first couple months of treatment, rather than spend time focusing on why they may be acting out from their own childhood.   [25:36] Q: Do you think a lot of therapists have evolved away from the true Codependence trauma based work, but have lacked the language to express this evolution, perhaps until now with Prodependence?   A: As the Codependence model evolved in the culture, the emphasis began to grow more on the partner’s responsibility for why their addict partner was acting out. Even though the field has naturally evolved its stance from blaming addicts partners, the only formal model that therapists have had has been codependency.   [28:51] The goals of Codependency for partners to take care of themselves, set better boundaries and love in a healthy way is well intentioned, but demoralizing and defeating as soon as they are blamed or there is something wrong with them.   [33:15] Someone in a crisis needs simple direction, support, validation and hope, which is what the Prodependence model offers.   RESOURCES Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Women Who Love too Much Codependent No More Beyond Codependency   QUOTES: “A spouse will never be responsible for any behavior that an addict does.”   “I don’t believe that dependency is a bad thing. I think it’s a good thing. We lean into the people we love, and fill in each others weaknesses.”   “Partners of addicts are in crisis. People in a crisis need support, direction, education and hope. They don’t need to look at their own issues or history.”   “When this person that you love becomes a life trauma themselves, you are going to be traumatized and be in grief.”   “I don’t think any of us grow up learning how to love into a house on fire.”   “We know that trauma precipitates addiction, but that doesn't’ mean it precipitates addiction in a partner.”   “If you’re a mess, it’s because you’ve been living with an active addict.”