Worstcase Scenario

So, Mr. Pelosi caught a DUI and Jerk suggests that old people should get free rides everywhere. Not Mr. Pelosi though, he gotta pay for his rides cuz he's loaded with that congressional husband money. After that we discuss the Constitution at length and deep dive on every Amendment. Good times, good times, it's the Worstcase.......

Imagine Trumpy with laser eyes riding an evil unicorn through a ocean of fascist idiots waving flags and praising Elon Musk. That's what they want. They want their big dumb leader to shoot lasers out of his eyes and burn all the woke people to punish them for having empathy. This is the world we live in now. Your Welcome, it's the worstcase.......

The answering of questions continues! Listener questions part 3, or 2 1/2 or something. How do we continue to have hope for a better tomorrow filled with flowers and social justice while we keep getting dunked on by a class of billionaires that can do anything they want and a self serving political class that will sell out our basic rights to enrich themselves? How do we fit so many words into a single sentence? We don't know and don't care, it's the worstcase.....

We noticed how similar fashion and fascist are as words and go on a bit of a dive. This episode is pretty political by default. This is part 2 of our "Listener Question" trilogy. This would be a great time to send us another question or two and we can keep this ball rolling. This is probably the only way to get us to stay on topic for more than 5 minutes. Good times! Welcome to the worstcase.

We do our first listener questions! Oh ya, and we long-wind this thing so far out that we only fit one question into this episode, making this adventure into a 3-part journey. This is part one, where we discuss how to find trustworthy news, or rather how to distinguish the good from the bad. Send your questions in and we can keep this thing going, it's the Worstcase.......

Alex Jones is broke. We start with that and dive right into hate crimes and mass shootings, you know, stuff that goes over great on comedy shows. With Alex Jones slowing down it seems like there could be a hole in the conspiracy industry. Maybe Worstcase should start putting out some crazy theories and see if we can't get that weirdo gravy train kick down money going? I don't see why not?, it's the worstcase.......

Oh ya, here comes the news! What you need? Current events? We got those? Unfounded Speculation? Sure! Stories about Madison Crawford? Why not? We got all that hot talk you've been craving, we got all the words you need to waste just over an hour of your precious time. It's the Worstcase.....

Madison Crawfish said he got invited to sex parties and saw his fellow congress-people doing keybumps all while Ginni Thomas is texting the White House during the insurection but instead of that we gonna talk about Hunter Biden getting a footjob. It's the worst........

The war rages on in Europe and here in the USA we are bringing back the firing squad! #SquadGoals has a new meaning I guess? If we really are living in a simulation I think it might be time to pull out the cartridge and blow in it. Maybe unplug the whole thing and do a hard restart? Either that or we get to do a sequel to the New World Order expirement cuz it's the Worstcase.........

Oh Jussie! Oh no! Do you think you Epstien? Do you think somebody is gonna suicide you over a failed attempt on yourself? Over a publicity stunt? Nobody came after Morton Downey Jr when he attacked himself for publicity. Poor Jussie thinks he still matters, but no, he does not. Also, some new Gislaine news. Over in Europe it would seem that Putin still sucks and Ukraine is fighting back against the evil empire and winning. Slava Ukrani! Glory to the heroes, it's the worstcase......

So, Russia is still killing Ukrainians and everybody still hates them. Their money is worthless and their culture is blood. Does the world need a russia? Are they gonna force the world to go green simply by being A-holes? The World doth bid thy farewell to thine maiden Felicia. We discuss how "Everybody wants to rule the world" is more than just a catchy 80s song cuz this is the Worstcase...........

Putin on the fritz? World War 3 to top off the virus? Is this the world we gotta live in? If we have learned anything this week it is that the Ukrainian people are hardcore and they are not to be f*cked with. Heroiam slava! Not a lot of other news, so you can assume this is a Ukraine heavy show. Vida Ukraina! We have taken a side, it's the Worstcase........

OK, so that Andrew guy definitely did it, right? The royal people don't cough up cheddar for nothing, so he did what she said, right? Then the french dude dies the same way as old ringleader right after him? I'm honestly afraid to describe anything we talk about anymore after all the Rogan stuff and Spotify rule changes going on. Let's just say we talk about some dumb funny stuff cuz it's the worstcase.....

There is a person somewhere near Washington DC in an unmarked warehouse wearing a lab coat and googles while looking over a table covered in ripped up pieces of paper mixed with Donald Trump's poop. This person is being paid to jigsaw back together government documents that Mr. Trump tore up and flushed down the toilet in the Oval Office. He also pooped there. This person has to separate these two things for history or something. This is what your tax dollars do, welcome to the Worstcase.

Joe Rogan had a bad week. I'm still gonna say Joe Rogan loves Neil Young just to get this to appear in more searches. I could also say Russia Ukraine Trump Covid Beiber Spiderman. These are popular things that get tagged and talked about. Will we talk about that stuff on this show? No, we will not, but you are already here so just listen and give us a good rating, it's the Worstcase.....

Tucker Carlson is mad that M&Ms won't slide into his DMs. He wanna bang the green one, or rather, he did before she switched her high heel boots into comfortable shoes. Trump admitted to insurrection and Madison Crawfish has to prove he didn't. These republicans may be crazy fascists, but they are still people, so let's hope they get better, it's the Worstcase.....

So, it's a new year and Russia is acting up on the Ukraine's border. I'm not sure how this effects us but maybe it will make the algorithm think we're up on current events. You hear about those fake electors? Those folks better get real jail time on that, and bring old Rudy with 'em. Trump lost, that was the Bestcase.......

It's a new season! The 300th Episode! and speaking of seasons, winter is coming. It came all over our yards and roads and so we're doing a zoom show again. The sound is crap but we're pushin through. This week we learn how covid can makes your penis smaller. Ya, like you could lose up to like an inch and a half of your man-stuff. Welcome to 2022 people, it's the worstcase.....

OK, it's a brand new year! 2022 has begun! the double-duece! Don't feel much different yet. We spend the first chunk of this show discussing Jizzleane Maxwell and her future. Is society to blame? Does anybody care? Will we find new stuff to talk about this year? Is the the finale episode of season 2? I think it is, welcome to the end of the old Worstcase......

The year is almost over. We have lived through 2 years of Covid and 4 years of Trump. Things aren't getting better as far as any of us can tell. The world just hasn't been very funny and our job is to tell jokes about it. Ya ya, I know, first world problems right? White people complaining about how the pandemic isn't funny enough. This is the world we now share. Let's make fun of it together, it's the Worstcase.......

So, yes, this is an episode. There is talking sandwiched in between an intro and an outro. It exists. Otherwise I don't got a lot to say about it. Is it funny? I guess that would depend on how your sense of humor works now wouldn't it? Ya, we got jokes and anectdotes, but are they entertaining? There is only one way to find out, it's the worstcase........

Ok, so lets start with me apologizing for getting a bit heated during the podcast. I may have raised my voice. I could have said some things that maybe I shouldn't have said. I perhaps went up a few octaves here and there. It wasn't my best moment, and we may have forgotten to cover many of the stories we researched. There was one story about a British man that got a WWII era munition lodged in his rectum and they had to call the bomb squad, but sadly we never got around to that. We do have a fun story about a cat though, and the internet loves cats, so there ya go, it's the Worstcase.

There's a new covid! Run! Winter is coming!!!!!! The Christmas music is jingling down the road to fill our ears with holiday joy. What do you think Malcom X's mutant power was? Is he related to Professor X? Where there 9 other Malcoms that went before him? Is it racial appropriation if a white guy is good at beatboxing? Who is winning the war on christmas? Who is this wonderful special guest? Let's find out together on this fresh new episode of Worstcase......

Are you too dumb to drain pasta? Do you have troublesome stains? Do you need a robe that you wear backwards? Do people buy these things they see advertised on late night cable? Do people still have cable tv? Do people in Afghanistan watch TV dramas and will they watch them without ladies? What is going on ith this stupid world? We don't know, but we will make fun of it. It's the worstcase.....

Steve Bannon got indicted. I'm sure he won't do hard time, but it's still a win. Ted Cruz is trying to cancel Big Bird, but there is not an actual human that will take his side in this one. Gizlean Maxwell is still in jail and apparently she don't like 'dem apples. Is she gonna get a suicide visit? Who knows? It's the Worstcase........

So, Astroworld. That happened. In an era where you should be avoiding gathering in crowds, many people in Texas decided to be a crowd and look what happened. Was it a satanic sacrifice for music industry satan peoples? Probably not, but the internet will say it anyways? Was it some kind of opioid false flag? A glitch in the matrix? Was it just dummies rushing to see a Canadian rapper? Is it too soon to be this disrespectful? I wish I could care, it's the Worstcase.....

Facebook is going Meta and wants to turn you into the Lawnmower Man. Egyptian authorities have detained an A.I. that makes art so that they could question it. To be perfectly honest I think the simulation is starting to make fun of us. Rich people don't want to pay taxes and pretty sure they won't have to. Welcome to the matrix, it's the Worstcase....

Hey man, you still got those "green shirts" for sale? You know, the "green" ones? I need a big one, can I come through? The 1990s gave us many transparent code phrases when it came to procuring drugs. We really thought we could outsmart these feds. Now they got stores selling weed and every phone call is recorded. Is this the world we built? Do you know where I can get some green shirts? It's the Worstcase.....

Do you think Junkies appreciate the Sackler family? Do they hang photos of them in their crack houses? Most everybody hates these particular drug dealers and wants the government to take all their money. Since the government is for sale they probably will just pay some judge and slide away with all the loot. Does this sound like a fun jumping board for comedy? It really isn't, but we'll give it a go, it's the Worstcase.....

There is a dog looking for laundry in Florida. This is where our news has landed after the last few years. Five mass shootings in a week, but news is gonna talk about a washed up cable star searching for a killer in the country's stepchild version of a state. It's pretty hard to even find a "worst case" in our modern news as our culture just nosedives into a swamp of inflating stupidity, but we're gonna try because we care about helping you kill at least an hour of your precious time with our misguided ramblings. It's the Worstcase.

So we basically forget about current events and just talk about the Beastie Boys for a half hour. Trump had a talk with Boris Johnson about a certain awesome animal. Cory Lewandowski gets in hot water for being a slimy perv while the Governor of South Dakota is denying she was banging him. Great week for news to ignore! It's the Worstcase.....

Rudy Gulliani can't go on Fox News?!? What is this world coming to? If he can't sit in their green room all day he won't have any where else to go. We do a deep dive on why Asheville police are jackasses and wonder why so many of the did the rage quit thing. Was it because of that coffin full of poops? Could have been, or maybe they just wanted real jobs? let's talk, it's the Worstcase.

Rage quitting has given way to "Ghost Coasting" and all I know is don't nobody wanna work these crap jobs for no money. If I'm gonna be broke I'm at least gonna be well rested. I guess you gotta pay people a decent wage if you want them to do horrible things all day. Who knew? Power to the dishwashers! I know we talked about other stuff, but I don't remember what it was, I guess you'll have to listen. It's the Worstcase.....

Harvey Weinerstien dips his hotdogs in butter. That is a literal worst case scenario. Will him going to jail make movies get better? Will somebody that hates him make a movie about him dipping his hot dogs in butter? I'd probably watch it. Welcome to worstcase......

Texas is once again going back to the 1800s. It's Labor Day and we are remembering some great moments in labor, like when Jack Black's mom went into labor and went all superhuman with the math skills and just may have saved Tom Hanks. It might have been Tom Hanks, but I never saw that movie so I'm not sure who she saved, stay tuned and find out. It's the Worstcase........

Why aren't there any old beater Transformers? Like an old Gremlin with one grey door? A Chevette with duct tape over a back window? I think we may have just invented a new franchise. Will it be as popular as the Bearenstain Bears? Is this the real world? Who cares, it's the worstcase....

We are still phoning it in and we apologize in advance for sound quality, but you know we don't care. Only Fans has decided not to show the boobies anymore and everyone is confused. I guess MyPillow has a safe house now? This world just gets dumber by the minute, welcome to the worstcase......

Ok, So maybe one of us got the Rona. A little touch of the ol’ Covid has creeped into our little corner of the internet and we must now record the show from 3 different disclosed locations. I blame the last president. The sound is garbage and we know. Steps have been made to fix this before the next episode and we hope you are too drunk to notice. Go get tested brah! It’s the worstcase……

Do you think Trump could beat George Washington in a fist fight? How about Lincoln? I’m pretty sure most of the presidents could beat up Trump without breaking a sweat. The orange dummy thinks he could beat Zombie Lincoln and Washington in a run for the presidency, but we think Zombie George would probably not be interested in running for office when he could be hunting down the decedents of his slaves and telling them to do stuff for him. It’s the worstcase……..

What do you know about pop music? Did you know that a blimp crash mixed with a Ponzi scheme led to the creation of the Backstreet Boys? Are Republicans all gonna die from Covid due to all the super-spreader events they keep throwing? Is Madison Crawfish an idiot? These questions and more will be ignored so we can tell fart jokes on this very special episode of Worstcase……..

One of Trump’s puppets got indicted in NY and it seems like the whole Trump organization is spiraling the drain. I would feel bad but they are all such horrible people that I’ll probably just pop up the popcorn and see what happens. I really hope they get Don Jr. it’s the Worstcase………

They try to say that heroes don’t go downtown. That just don’t make no sense to nobody. Jerk has a birthday and tells us about his journey to Colorado and some other stuff I don’t remember because just talking about Colorado gets me high. It’s the Worstcase….

What do you call a bird expert? Can we change the planet’s orbit? Do teenaged fast food employees spit on burgers? Why did they close down that Slip ‘n Slide show? Was there a Slip ‘n Slide show? Does anyone care? Probably not, but we gotta talk about something, it’s the worst……

I think the world is bored of Trump and his dummies. Mike Pence gave a speech and nobody cared because why should they? Did Trump give up zippers? Elastic business pants from Spanks? what kind of world is this? Welcome to the worstcase……

Wuhan origin stories have media changing the narrative while Matt Geatz says we can use guns to force facebook to let people be racist. Biden is old and Trump is gross, welcome to the worstcase……

Ok, so ya, one of the Geatz is spelled differently, but it still plays. This week in republican and billionaire scumbaggery is off the chain. Cocaine at GOP rallies? -of course there is cocaine at Trump rallies. The world is dumb and almost too tragic to make fun of, but if horses can be junkies then we can tell jokes. It’s the worstcase… and buy WorstCoin!

Bill Gates gettin a divorce? His wife didn’t take kindly to his friendship with ol’ Epstien? She taking half his stuff? Maybe there is some meat on this bone. What do you think of when I say “Richard Gere”? We discuss virility and what “going viral” means, how it all began, and will an actual virus change the terminology. Let’s figure it out on the Worstcase……..

We’re still talking about the thirsty ghost named Gulliani and how he will never be truly happy, no matter how many cousins he makes out with. In other news there is still a bunch of that Corona going around and Biden isn’t doing enough. The only thing Biden is doing is pissing of these Republicans enough that they keep asking “Where’s the Beef?”, but they don’t know that Joe got that beef waiting yo, it’s the Worstcase.

Did you think the Chauvin verdict would stop these cops? Slow them down a bit? Nope! They killed a person while the verdict was being read. It just don’t stop. We have a special guest to tone down the testosterone, we have one dead Bernie Madoff, yeast that get you high in space and way too many police killings. How do make this into a comedy show? We don’t. We just ramble on in with traditionally angry nonsense about things we don’t understand, so ya, welcome to the Worstcase…….

The Geatz Saga rolls onward and downward. Why do Republicans seem to not care and keep supporting him? His ladies are talking and also hula-hooping naked while getting venmo payments. Oh, Congress! -You crazy! It’s the Worstcase…..

GeatzGate continues on! Who will defend this turd? Where are the Q followers during all this? Why won’t they save the children from Matt Geatz? What do hand surgeons do? Life is dumb and we are here to argue about it. Ask Bill Gates, it’s the worst!