Adult Harder

Zoom is our world now. All hail Zoom. There is no anything; there is only Zoom. Having said that, it doesn’t mean we have to be monsters during meetings. On this episode, we’ve got our best good suggestions on how to Zoom like a responsible grown-up!

Okay, look. We’ll be honest. We’ve picked up some bad habits since the coronavirus locked us all in our houses. Ryan’s even eating pretzels now. PRETZELS! It’s time to take our fitness back from the darkness, and the Smiths are back in this time of need to give you some pretty decent tips on how to stay in shape when you can’t go to the gym! This is the first episode of a very special coronavirus season of Adult Harder, and we’re pretty excited to be back, tbh. #Brag.

You can do it. No, we’re serious. No, we’re SERIOUS. Listen to us. LISTEN. Okay? Listen. You can grow a plant. We believe in you. Yes, we know that you’ve killed every living thing you’ve ever put into a pot, but don’t worry, this time you can do it. And you don’t have to make this harrowing journey alone! We’re here to help. So grab your gardening gloves, ’cause in like three or five months, you’re going to have a cucumber to eat.

Oh, you still rent? Cool story, BABY. Real adults buy real estate, and it’s high time you learned the ins and outs of being a major property mogul. It’s like being a property brother, but usually you’re shorter, and not a twin. WHO’S READY?

In the epic conclusion of our inaugural two-part episode on being gainfully employed so you can buy whiskey and chips, we share some hot takes on how to not be a terrible co-worker…then we’re once again joined by our friend Val, who talks about office pranks, workplace romance, how to flame out of your job in a bright, beautiful blaze of terrible, terrible glory, and more.Last week you got that job; now we aim to help you keep it.

We don’t want to brag, but we have jobs. And you can have jobs, too! This week, we’re premiering the first part of our two-part episode on getting and keeping that good, good job. First up: How to make a resume that doesn’t suck and how to conduct yourself in an interview, featuring our friend Val, Human Resources expert.

Have you ever tried to raise money for a good cause? Boy, it’s hard. It’s like people want to keep their own money in their own wallets because they don’t know how much joy it would bring you to raise three more dollars. Well, we’re here to help! This week, we talk about some of the pitfalls of fundraising, and we offer some excellently good advice on how to fundraise better.

Mother’s Day. Amiright? It’s like the Saw movie franchise of holidays. Because every year or so, you think, “Oh. Wow. Is there another one of those? I forgot about that. But it’s definitely there, isn’t it?” And you know what? IT IS. Because Mother’s Day is just relentless. AND IT WANTS TO PLAY A GAME.This week, we go brain-deep into the problem of Mother’s Day: why it’s strange, why the best good sons don’t get their own holiday, and what presents you should definitely NOT get your mom for her annual special day. Join us, won’t you? It’s a very special episode of Adult Harder.

It’s hard to not be a total jackass at a concert. If you’re at the same concert as our new favorite listener, Jamie from Kansas, that is. Following Jamie’s very strict orders, we explain the best way to not suck at a concert, and to be honest? We pretty much nail it.

When someone else’s wedding bells start ringing, you have just one job. JUST ONE JOB. Don’t. F***. Things. Up. Unfortunately, ruining someone else’s wedding is easier than you might think. Just ask Ryan, who tried preeeeeeetty dang hard to ruin Clayton’s first wedding. NICE TRY, SMITH. This week is all about being a better wedding guest, and it goes way beyond not throwing up on the dance floor (though that’s an A-#1 tip).

If you’re a living person who’s alive, you’ve probably moved at least once, and boy, you know that sh*t is the absolute worst. And it only gets harder as your friends get older and realize the economics of receiving payment in pizza and beer are some next-level nonsense. But not to worry! The Smiths have some excellent advice on how to be better at moving, without all that dumb stress.

The Professors Smith know a thing or two about bad habits. Mostly, they know how to have them. But they’ve also done a very light amount of reading up on how to theoretically break them, and now they want to save you that ten minutes of Googling with a 25-minute podcast! We’re about 82% sure you’ll agree that it’s worth it.

Skin-tight uniforms. Feathered hair. Blood, sometimes. No, it’s not the seedy underbelly of jazzercise; it’s professional wrestling, and it’s high time you got on board! Ryan breaks down the finer points of pro wrestling, including blood, nudity, and draaaamaaaaaa! And the guys give some pretty overall decent advice on how to dip your toe in the wrestling waters by throwing a good, old-fashioned Wrestlemania party!

Skin-tight uniforms. Feathered hair. Blood, sometimes. No, it’s not the seedy underbelly of jazzercise; it’s professional wrestling, and it’s high time you got on board! Ryan breaks down the finer points of pro wrestling, including blood, nudity, and draaaamaaaaaa! And the guys give some pretty overall decent advice on how to dip your toe in the wrestling waters by throwing a good, old-fashioned Wrestlemania party!

You know who loves pets? Literally everyone. You know who doesn’t love pets? Sociopaths, which we understand does detract from our statement about everyone loving pets, but it’s important to not always split hairs. This week, the Professors Smith discuss the importance of pets, and then they rank the best and worst pets ever, because they’re professionals like that.

We thought we wouldn’t have to worry about the robot apocalypse for at LEAST five or six more years. But between laughing Alexa, stripper-bots, and all the inexplicably ill-informed madness happening at the stupid idiot labs of Boston Dynamics, we can’t put it off any longer. The robots are coming, and we need to get busy destroying ’em or get busy serving ’em. Either way, our survival is key.

In one of our timeless, instant-classic holiday episodes, we talk about the pitfalls of St. Patrick’s Day, including not-awful alternatives to awful green beer and the history of Druids and Irish ghosts. It’s a pretty stellar episode. Turn up your ears and learn how to celebrate St. Paddy’s Day like a real grown-up adult person!

Massages are supposed to be relaxing…so why do they give us so much anxiety? This week, the Smiths take on the many discomforts of getting naked with a stranger and saying, “Put your hands all over me.” They teach you how to overcome any massage-related issue, and they’ve got some pretty good advice about saunas, too.

We got a letter from a listener who wanted to know just how scared he should be about getting his first solo credit card. And boy, did we run with that. In this episode, we talk credit scores, smart strategies for paying down huge debt, and how to get credit card companies to pay YOU! We don’t want to brag, but it’s a severely adult-ish episode.

It’s cold. It is just unbelievably, and endlessly, cold. Unless you live somewhere warm, in which case, we politely invite you to just kiss right off. ‘Cause we’re cold. Just unbelievably, and endlessly, cold. Fortunately, the Smiths have some tips on how to bear the cold weather, and they even visit the fellows from The Victor Bar in Chicago to ask about some special winter weather cocktails that can warm your subzero spirits!

The decision to become a parent is a big one. There’s a lot to consider, like “Will I cause accidental and irreparable lifelong harm to the emotional state of a real human person?” The Smiths grapple with the challenges and rewards of having babies, along with the help of a very special guest, professional father and podcaster Travis McElroy!

It’s hard to really appreciate Disneyland when you’re a kid, and when you’re a parent, it’s like, ugh, now I have to go on all the baby rides with my kid, ugh. The best way to go to Disneyland is to go on your own, by your childless self! This week, the Smiths discuss their wasted youths, the much less magical theme parks that their parents dragged them to as kids, and the best ways to enjoy Disneyland like a grown-up, along with the help of best-selling author and Disneyland planning expert, Gavin Doyle!

[FAIR WARNING, this episode gets more explicit than most, in some really strange and surprising ways. But don’t blame us. Blame our guest.] Valentine’s Day is pretty much the worst, and anyone who likes it is dumb. That said, we’ve got some great tips on how to be a better Valentine, and we also have a thing or two to say about the traditional V-Day practice of beating virgins with goat skins. Those Romans, man. They were into some kinky stuff.  And hey, if you don’t have a Valentine’s date yet, don’t worry! We talk with our good friend Lisette Medina, who has a lot of really super advice on how to use dating apps, including a lot of really super examples of why you should completely and totally avoid dating apps at all cost. Look, we’ll just say it: This episode gets a little weird.

Look, we can’t all just be in everyone else’s space, like, all the time. Sometimes we have to get away into our own little hovels of secrecy and leave-me-aloneness. Those are the places where we can get creative, blow off some steam, or just take a breath surrounded by our very cool Batman figurines THAT ARE ACTION FIGURES, NOT DOLLS, MOM! The Smiths discuss the importance of having your own space, along with some ideas on how to fill that space, and they talk with Nic Parks, CEO of The Pinball Company, about the role pinball and arcade games play in our lives and/or sanity.

It’s hard to behave well at the bar. We know it’s not your fault, it’s alcohol’s fault. Almost everything is alcohol’s fault. But as adults, we should all take steps to be better bar-goers. That doesn’t just mean not getting into fights and not vomiting on the floor (although those are very, very important). Good behavior goes way beyond that. We’ll prove it with the help of Kelsey Kellgren, bartender at Kasey’s, one of Chicago’s oldest and most cherished beer bars!

It’s hard to behave well at the bar. We know it’s not your fault, it’s alcohol’s fault. Almost everything is alcohol’s fault. But as adults, we should all take steps to be better bar-goers. That doesn’t just mean not getting into fights and not vomiting on the floor (although those are very, very important). Good behavior goes way beyond that. We’ll prove it with the help of Kelsey Kellgren, bartender at Kasey’s, one of Chicago’s oldest and most cherished beer bars!

Pssst. Hey, you. Do you like food? SHHHH! Not so loud! We’re talking secret menus on the podcast this week…we’re giving a whole rundown of who’s who and what’s what in the dark, seedy underbelly of black market foodstuffs, including a whole segment on calming yourself down because what you probably think is a secret menu isn’t actually a secret menu. Then we open the kimono on a few honest-to-goodness secret menu items in Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York, and then we’re joined by Austin, Texas food blogger Emily Teachout, who schools us real good on why people love secret menus, and who also gives us the lowdown on the best kept secrets of the Austin food scene!

Pssst. Hey, you. Do you like food? SHHHH! Not so loud! We’re talking secret menus on the podcast this week…we’re giving a whole rundown of who’s who and what’s what in the dark, seedy underbelly of black market foodstuffs, including a whole segment on calming yourself down because what you probably think is a secret menu isn’t actually a secret menu. Then we open the kimono on a few honest-to-goodness secret menu items in Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York, and then we’re joined by Austin, Texas food blogger Emily Teachout, who schools us real good on why people love secret menus, and who also gives us the lowdown on the best kept secrets of the Austin food scene!

Look, is it easy to keep yourself from sticking power drills through your palm flesh? No. But is it important to stop doing that? Heck yes! Emergency room visits are no treat, despite the fact that George Clooney was so dreamy in that one show about ERs, so this week, the Professors Smith are giving you some A+ tips on how to not injure the hell out of yourself, with a bit of help from Mandie Czarnecki, a Physician Assistant from St. Louis who has worked in the ER for almost a whole decade now. Also, they discuss ass goblins.

Look, is it easy to keep yourself from sticking power drills through your palm flesh? No. But is it important to stop doing that? Heck yes! Emergency room visits are no treat, despite the fact that George Clooney was so dreamy in that one show about ERs, so this week, the Professors Smith are giving you some A+ tips on how to not injure the hell out of yourself, with a bit of help from Mandie Czarnecki, a Physician Assistant from St. Louis who has worked in the ER for almost a whole decade now. Also, they discuss ass goblins.

This week, the Smiths dispute the supposed “merits” of New Year’s resolutions and ask that age-old question: “Why don’t we just be better, like, all the time?” They’re joined by professional year-round ass-kicker Beth Ryan, who explains the benefits of doing better all year long, not just in January, and she also opens up about her battle with cancer and the impact the disease had on her outlook on how to tackle life. It’s honestly a raw and important interview, and then we’re joined by some of the Ghosts of Adult Harder past, who tell us how they’re going to adult even harder in 2018!

Setting a trap for Santa Claus is a Christmas Eve tradition as old as time itself. In this episode, the Smiths discuss the most effective types of Santa traps, as well as how they’d spend their three Christmas wishes, since, when it comes to Santa, genie rules do apply. Well…Clayton discusses these things, really. Ryan mostly just sits there and wonders how he got roped into recording this nonsense. They also receive the gift of The World’s Best Christmas Cookies from special guest Jordon Quattlebaum, who has his own ideas about trapping Santa.  

This week, the Smiths are going all in on this whole “family” thing by making the bold suggestion that it’s time for you to adult up and bring some homemade goodness to your holiday party. What’s that, you say? “I’m worse at cooking than I am at adulting”? No problem! The professors have some of their own family recipes for you to try, and because those are destined to probably fail, then they kick it over to a real expert, Rorie Raimondi!

This week, the Smiths are going all in on this whole “family” thing by making the bold suggestion that it’s time for you to adult up and bring some homemade goodness to your holiday party. What’s that, you say? “I’m worse at cooking than I am at adulting”? No problem! The professors have some of their own family recipes for you to try, and because those are destined to probably fail, then they kick it over to a real expert, Rorie Raimondi!

The holidays are nothing if not the perfect time to practice your latest political diatribes and hygiene-related insults. BUT ALLOW YOURSELF A MOMENT TO DREAM! What if you could go home for the holidays and NOT leave all bruised, bloodied, and emotionally broken? This week, the Smiths tackle the tough topic of how to handle your unreasonably irrational family members, and they put their money where their mouths are by interviewing Clayton’s greatest political opponent: His mom.

The holidays are nothing if not the perfect time to practice your latest political diatribes and hygiene-related insults. BUT ALLOW YOURSELF A MOMENT TO DREAM! What if you could go home for the holidays and NOT leave all bruised, bloodied, and emotionally broken? This week, the Smiths tackle the tough topic of how to handle your unreasonably irrational family members, and they put their money where their mouths are by interviewing Clayton’s greatest political opponent: His mom.

Some people think decorating for the holidays is easy, and that’s absolutely correct. Tape some Christmas lights to your couch, and you’re all set! Well, that’s what the Professors Smith thought, anyway. But then Hollis Scarborough of Silvercreek Creative came along and blew their minds to Christmas pieces. She shares her next-level holiday decorating tips this week, and the Smiths add a few of their own ideas, and, spoiler alert: They’re amazing, and VERY smart.

Some people think decorating for the holidays is easy, and that’s absolutely correct. Tape some Christmas lights to your couch, and you’re all set! Well, that’s what the Professors Smith thought, anyway. But then Hollis Scarborough of Silvercreek Creative came along and blew their minds to Christmas pieces. She shares her next-level holiday decorating tips this week, and the Smiths add a few of their own ideas, and, spoiler alert: They’re amazing, and VERY smart.

Look, let’s face it: Communication is hard. And it’s not made any easier by the fact that digital platforms give us a pretty good GD excuse to say things to people without having to actually talk to them. But it’s important to know how to communicate well, because poor communication is the root of fights, and of poor work evaluations, which is a VERY grown-up thing to be worried about. This week, author and teacher Ben Tanzer joins the Smiths and helps them crack the code on how to communicate like a serious person.

Look, let’s face it: Communication is hard. And it’s not made any easier by the fact that digital platforms give us a pretty good GD excuse to say things to people without having to actually talk to them. But it’s important to know how to communicate well, because poor communication is the root of fights, and of poor work evaluations, which is a VERY grown-up thing to be worried about. This week, author and teacher Ben Tanzer joins the Smiths and helps them crack the code on how to communicate like a serious person.

Culture is the sweet-ass spice of life that makes it worth living. Shakespeare said that. Or maybe it was Gandhi. Or maybe Axl Rose? Look, it doesn’t matter. Culture is important, and we’re diving brain-first into our new Get Some GD Culture series with a look at the business of show. It’s time to get theater-y AF.

Culture is the sweet-ass spice of life that makes it worth living. Shakespeare said that. Or maybe it was Gandhi. Or maybe Axl Rose? Look, it doesn’t matter. Culture is important, and we’re diving brain-first into our new Get Some GD Culture series with a look at the business of show. It’s time to get theater-y AF.

Boy, stress is sure awful. Not only does it cause anxiety, but, as the Smiths learned this week, it can lead to sudden and nigh-inexplicable death. Just absolute, total death. So join the guys as they dive into the wonderful world of de-stressing and share some great tips on how to relax your mind with special guest Victor Mazzeo!

Boy, stress is sure awful. Not only does it cause anxiety, but, as the Smiths learned this week, it can lead to sudden and nigh-inexplicable death. Just absolute, total death. So join the guys as they dive into the wonderful world of de-stressing and share some great tips on how to relax your mind with special guest Victor Mazzeo!

Ghosts are a part of a real adult’s everyday life. Don’t believe us? Give the Smiths a chance to change your mind. Don’t believe them? Well, that’s valid. But maybe Neil Tobin, Necromancer will help convince you. With Neil’s help, Clayton and Ryan talk about their own experiences with ghosts (or not-ghosts, depending on where you fall on that issue), how to find ghosts, how to get rid of ghosts, and how to live with ghosts when you can’t manage to make them leave.

Ghosts are a part of a real adult’s everyday life. Don’t believe us? Give the Smiths a chance to change your mind. Don’t believe them? Well, that’s valid. But maybe Neil Tobin, Necromancer will help convince you. With Neil’s help, Clayton and Ryan talk about their own experiences with ghosts (or not-ghosts, depending on where you fall on that issue), how to find ghosts, how to get rid of ghosts, and how to live with ghosts when you can’t manage to make them leave.

Look, there are a lot of seriously awful Halloween costume ideas out there. This week, with the help of Shannon Downey from Badass Cross Stitch, the Smiths navigate the landmine of bad choices, from the lame to the offensive, and throw out a few pretty great 2017 costumes ideas like a couple of GD geniuses

Look, there are a lot of seriously awful Halloween costume ideas out there. This week, with the help of Shannon Downey from Badass Cross Stitch, the Smiths navigate the landmine of bad choices, from the lame to the offensive, and throw out a few pretty great 2017 costumes ideas like a couple of GD geniuses

This week, we bring on a surprisingly high-end guest, Percy Rodriguez, who has worked in wine, cocktails, and mixology with some pretty impressive chefs, including Mario Batali and Laurent Tourondel. With Percy’s cocktail guidance, we dive into the grown-up world of luxurious liquors and talk about the finer points of hosting a real swanky-ass cocktail party. This ain’t your college kegger, folks…this is the adult AF version of drinks with your friends, and there’s a lot to consider if you want to cocktail right. In this week’s show notes, we’ve got four cocktail recipes–three amazing drinks from Percy, and also one from Ryan, who is, you know, fine, but not a professional–and we also have a link to a Spotify playlist we put together for your next adult AF cocktail night!

In our very first episode, college professors Clayton Smith and Ryan Smith teach you how to curse like a GD adult so your parents don’t have to.

In our very first episode, college professors Clayton Smith and Ryan Smith teach you how to curse like a GD adult so your parents don’t have to.