Certified Rotten

The gang gives a brief update regarding the podcast and wishes farewell to one of our favorite guests, John Bierly, aka the Gentleman Guppy.

Based on the popular video game, Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez star as the leaders of a commando team who must break into "the hive," a vast underground genetics laboratory operated by the powerful Umbrella Corporation. There, a deadly virus has been unleashed, killing the lab's personnel and resurrecting them as the evil Un-dead. The team has just three hours to shut down the lab's supercomputer and close the facility before the virus threatens to overrun the Earth.

Five youngsters find themselves up against the combined might of Dracula, the Mummy, the Gill Man and Frankenstein's Monster who arrive in town in search of a magic amulet.

It's Doc Awesome's birthday which means he gets to pick whatever movie he likes for us to review, rotten or not rotten. On this episode, Ryan Gosling stars as Driver, a mysterious Hollywood stuntman and mechanic who moonlights as a getaway driver and finds himself in trouble when he helps out his neighbor. Guest: Nurse Fiancée.

The Lightning God Rayden guides warrior Liu Kang, police detective Sonja Blade, and martial arts movie star Johnny Cage to a remote island to compete in the Shaolin Tournament known as Mortal Kombat. If the Outworld wins the Shaolin Tournament ten times in a row, they can enter the Realm of Earth and take over. They have been victorious the last nine times, and with warriors like Scorpion, Sub Zero, and Goro, the future of Earth looks bleak. Guest: The Gentleman Guppy.

Gen. Bison (Raul Julia), the evil dictator of Shadaloo, captures a busload of relief workers and holds them for ransom. Col. Guile (Jean-Claude Van Damme) leads an international strike force to invade Shadaloo and rescue the hostages. Along the way, Guile recruits Chun-Li (Ming-Na Wen), a reporter and martial-arts expert whose father was killed by Bison years ago, two young con men (Damian Chapa, Byron Mann) and a sumo wrestler (Peter Navy Tuiasosopo).

The eerie and deserted ghost town of Silent Hill draws a young mother desperate to find a cure for her only child's illness. Unable to accept the doctor's diagnosis that her daughter should be permanently institutionalized for psychiatric care, Rose flees with her child, heading for the abandoned town in search of answers -- and ignoring the protests of her husband. It's soon clear this place is unlike anywhere she's ever been. It's smothered by fog, inhabited by a variety of strange beings and periodically overcome by a living "darkness" that literally transforms everything it touches. As Rose begins to learn the history of the strange town, she realizes that her daughter is just a pawn in a larger game.

Brooklyn plumbers Mario (Bob Hoskins) and Luigi (John Leguizamo) rescue Princess Daisy from King Koopa (Dennis Hopper) and the Goombas in a dinosaur world. Guest: Tonia Malito, the Dealer for the People.

D'Artagnan (Chris O'Donnell) travels to Paris hoping to become a musketeer, one of the French king's elite bodyguards, only to discover that the corps has been disbanded by conniving Cardinal Richelieu (Tim Curry), who secretly hopes to usurp the throne. Fortunately, Athos (Kiefer Sutherland), Porthos (Oliver Platt) and Aramis (Charlie Sheen) have refused to lay down their weapons and continue to protect their king. D'Artagnan joins with the rogues to expose Richelieu's plot against the crown.

Nobleman crusader Robin of Locksley (Kevin Costner) breaks out of a Jerusalem prison with the help of Moorish fellow prisoner Azeem (Morgan Freeman) and travels back home to England. But upon arrival he discovers his dead father in the ruins of his family estate, killed by the vicious sheriff of Nottingham (Alan Rickman). Robin and Azeem join forces with outlaws Little John (Nick Brimble) and Will Scarlett (Christian Slater) to save the kingdom from the sheriff's villainy. At the end of the episode we do a mini review of Avengers: Endgame. Guest: Jake Naked.

A Muslim ambassador exiled from his homeland, Ahmad ibn Fadlan (Antonio Banderas) finds himself in the company of Vikings. While the behavior of the Norsemen initially offends ibn Fadlan, the more cultured outsider grows to respect the tough, if uncouth, warriors. During their travels together, ibn Fadlan and the Vikings get word of an evil presence closing in, and they must fight the frightening and formidable force, which was previously thought to exist only in legend.

After mechanic Ashe (Vincent Perez) and his son (Eric Acosta) witness a murder, they are captured and killed by drug lord Judah (Richard Brooks). Soon, a young artist named Sarah (Mia Kirshner) meets Ashe, who has just returned from the dead. Sarah, who had known a man resurrected into the vengeful warrior the Crow years ago, explains to Ashe that he is now the Crow. Ashe sets out to get revenge by slaying Judah and his minions, but Judah discovers the Crow's power and craves it for himself. This episode also features the debut of our new segment: 3 Acts with the Rotten Crew.

A mysterious woman gunslinger, Ellen (Sharon Stone), saunters into the town of Redemption looking for revenge. Her father was killed by the town's sadistic mayor, Herod (Gene Hackman), who is in the midst of organizing a quick-draw tournament. The lady enters, joining a cast of miscreants and outlaws for a brutal competition in which the loser dies. Among the competitors is "The Kid" (Leonardo DiCaprio), an upstart who has his own score to settle with Herod. Guest: Jake Naked.

When a mysterious creature violently kills a man in a Maine lake, Jack Wells (Bill Pullman), the local game warden, looks into the bizarre case, along with Sheriff Hank Keough (Brendan Gleeson) and visiting paleontologist Kelly Scott (Bridget Fonda). Looking for clues in a tooth that the beast left behind, Kelly and the others eventually locate the monster, a massive and vicious reptile eager to devour anything in its path. Can the crocodile-like creature be stopped? Guest: Tonia Malito, the Dealer for the People.

On an island research facility, Dr. Susan McAlester (Saffron Burrows) is harvesting the brain tissue of DNA-altered sharks as a possible cure for Alzheimer's disease. When the facility's backers send an executive (Samuel L. Jackson) to investigate the experiments, a routine procedure goes awry and a shark starts attacking the researchers. Now, with sharks outnumbering their human captors, McAlester and her team must figure out a way to stop them from escaping to the ocean and breeding. Guest: Mr. Catch.

After escaping an attack by what he claims was a 70-foot shark, Jonas Taylor must confront his fears to save those trapped in a sunken submersible. Also the Rotten Crew breaks down Captain Marvel. Guest: Jake Naked.

Filmmaker Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez) is traveling deep in the Amazon jungle looking for a forgotten tribe. Terri and her crew, which includes an anthropologist (Eric Stoltz) and a cameraman (Ice Cube), come across Paul (Jon Voight), who is stranded on the riverbank. He offers to help them find the tribe, but his secretive behavior puts everyone on edge. They realize too late that he's using them to find a legendary anaconda that's worth a fortune -- if they can catch it. Guest: The Nurse.

A TV-network boss (Kurt Fuller) pits a wrestler called Zeus against a wrestler called Rip (Hulk Hogan) in a racial match. Featuring another episode of Epic Impression Battles of Cinema: Wrestling Edition. Guest: Johnny Cash (Not the Singer).

In the fast-paced world of NASCAR, a rivalry brews between rookie hotshot Cole Trickle (Tom Cruise) and veteran racer Rowdy Burns (Michael Rooker). When both of them are seriously injured in competition, the former bitter rivals become close friends. With Cole's spirits restored by a romance with neurosurgeon Dr. Claire Lewicki (Nicole Kidman), and Rowdy still sidelined by injuries, Cole decides to race Rowdy's car in the Daytona 500 against underhanded newcomer Russ Wheeler (Cary Elwes). Guest: The Gentleman Guppy.

After reclaiming the boxing championship title, Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) plans to retire and live with his wife, Adrian (Talia Shire). However, during an exhibition match, Rocky's friend Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) is mercilessly beaten to death by hulking Russian newcomer Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren). Rocky vows payback against Drago and flies to Russia to train for a Christmas Day fight. Despite their different training methods, Rocky and Drago both wage a long and intense match. Featuring Epic Impression Battles of Cinema! Guest: Dr. Baby Stitcher

After witnessing the execution of serial killer Edgar Reese (Elias Koteas), whom he arrested, police detective John Hobbes (Denzel Washington), and his partner, Jonesy (John Goodman), are soon investigating another murderer whose mode of operation is eerily similar to Reese's. In the course of the investigation, Hobbes meets theology professor Gretta Milano (Embeth Davidtz), who introduces him to the world of the occult and the possibility that an evil spirit is behind the killings. Featuring Battle of the Denzels. Guest: Jake Naked.

Geophysicist Dr. Josh Keyes (Aaron Eckhart) discovers that an unknown force has caused the earth's inner core to stop rotating. With the planet's magnetic field rapidly deteriorating, our atmosphere literally starts to come apart at the seams with catastrophic consequences. To resolve the crisis, Keyes, along with a team of the world's most gifted scientists, travel into the earth's core. Their mission: detonate a device that will reactivate the core. Guest: Cobra.

A private security guard finds himself caught up in an apocalyptic conflict. The Devil's only chance of getting out of his eternal prison is to mate with a chosen girl in the last hour of the millennium, and the guard finds himself having to protect the woman from an enemy in whom he does not even believe. Also, the Rotten Crew puts forward their best Arnold impressions in the Battle of the Schwarzeneggers. Guest: The Gentleman Guppy.

After snarky youth Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) loses track of his father at the airport, he mistakenly gets on a plane headed for New York City -- while the rest of the McCallisters fly to Florida. Now alone in the Big Apple, Kevin cons his way into a room at the Plaza Hotel and begins his usual antics. But when Kevin discovers that the Sticky Bandits (Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern) are on the loose, he struggles to stop them from robbing an elderly man's toy store just before Christmas. Guest: Jazzy J.

Los Angeles policeman Lt. Marion "Cobra" Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone) finds himself at the center of a spate of murders carried out by a secret society called New Order: killers who select "weak" members of society for extermination. As the murder rate rises, Cobra takes model Ingrid (Brigitte Nielsen) into protective custody after she witnesses New Order's leader in action. As Cobra falls for Ingrid, they find shelter in a small town, but must soon fight for survival. Guest: Tonia Malito, the Dealer for the People.

Just-paroled army ranger Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage) is headed back to his wife (Monica Potter), but must fly home aboard a prison transport flight dubbed "Jailbird" with some of the worst criminals living. Along with Diamond Dog (Ving Rhames) and Baby-O (Mykelti Williamson), genius serial killer Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom (John Malkovich) unleashes a violent escape plot in mid-flight. Secretly working with U.S. Marshall Vince Larkin (John Cusack), Poe tries to foil Grissom's plan. Guest: Jake Naked.

When the evil Skeletor (Frank Langella) finds a mysterious power called the Cosmic Key, he becomes nearly invincible. However, courageous warrior He-Man (Dolph Lundgren) locates inventor Gwildor (Billy Barty), who created the Key and has another version of it. During a battle, one of the Keys is transported to Earth, where it is found by teenagers Julie (Courteney Cox) and Kevin (Robert Duncan McNeill). Now both He-Man and Skeletor's forces arrive on Earth searching for the potent weapon. Guest: The Drake.

When a massive earthquake rocks the city of Los Angeles, Emergency Management department head Mike Roark (Tommy Lee Jones) returns from his vacation to help with the city's response. After geologist Dr. Amy Barnes (Anne Heche) warns that a volcano may be forming in sewer tunnels, another severe earthquake unleashes the lava flowing underfoot, threatening to destroy the whole city. As the fiery molten rock runs through the streets, Roark and Barnes must figure out how to divert it. Guest: The Nurse

During the approach of the most powerful storm in decades, university professor Dr. Jo Harding (Helen Hunt) and an underfunded team of students prepare the prototype for Dorothy, a ground-breaking tornado data-gathering device conceived by her estranged husband, Bill (Bill Paxton). When Harding tells Bill that Dorothy is ready for testing -- and that their privately funded rival Dr. Jonas Miller (Cary Elwes) has stolen the idea and built his own -- Bill rejoins the team for one last mission. Guest: Mrs. Malbec.

After the melting of the polar ice caps, most of the globe is underwater. Some humans have survived, and even fewer still, notably the Mariner (Kevin Costner), have adapted to the ocean by developing gills. A loner by nature, the Mariner reluctantly befriends Helen (Jeanne Tripplehorn) and her young companion, Enola (Tina Majorino), as they escape from a hostile artificial island. Soon the sinister Smokers are pursuing them in the belief that Enola holds the key to finding the mythical Dryland. Guest: The Gentleman Guppy.

When an asteroid threatens to collide with Earth, NASA honcho Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) determines the only way to stop it is to drill into its surface and detonate a nuclear bomb. This leads him to renowned driller Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), who agrees to helm the dangerous space mission provided he can bring along his own hotshot crew. Among them is the cocksure A.J. (Ben Affleck), who Harry thinks isn't good enough for his daughter (Liv Tyler), until the mission proves otherwise. Guest: Cosmo.

In October of 1994, three film students travel to Maryland to make a student film about a local urban legend. They went into the woods on a two day hike to find the Blair Witch, and never came back. One year later, the students film and video were found in the woods. The footage was compiled and made into a movie and released in 1999 as The Blair Witch Project. It was followed up in 2000 by Book of Shadows: Black Witch 2, in which five people fixated with the Black Witch Project journey into a dark and dangerous place where the line between truth and fiction blurs and perhaps vanishes altogether. Individual perception grows increasingly untrustworthy as the characters find themselves caught in a vortex of unspeakable evil, the origins of which—human or supernatural—remain chillingly uncertain. Guest: Tonia Malito, Dealer for the People.

In an America ravaged by crime and overcrowded prisons, the government sanctions an annual 12-hour period during which all criminal activity -- including murder -- is legal. James Sandin (Ethan Hawke) and his family face the ultimate test when an intruder drags the vicious outside world into their home. James, Mary (Lena Headey) and their two children struggle to survive the night while trying not to turn into monsters like the ones they are striving to avoid. Guest: Nurse Fiancée.

Olivia, Lucas and a group of their college friends travel to Mexico for one last getaway before graduation. While there, a stranger convinces one of the students to play a seemingly harmless game of truth or dare with the others. Once the game starts, it awakens something evil -- a demon which forces the friends to share dark secrets and confront their deepest fears. The rules are simple but wicked -- tell the truth or die, do the dare or die, and if you stop playing, you die.

Like so many schools today, Herrington High has passed its prime. Its walls are grimy, its textbooks outdated, its teachers burned out. Yet its corridors are packed with the future of America - loners, leaders, hipsters, nerds, brains and jocks. Like teenagers everywhere, they struggle with parents who don't get it, teachers who never had it and hormones that won't quit. But the students at Herrington High face a greater challenge - saving the world from alien domination. Guest: Johnny Cash (not the singer).

The Mummy is set in Egypt, where over 3,000 years ago the high priest Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo) was given the all-important assignment of preparing the recently dead for their journey into the afterlife. However, Imhotep made one terrible mistake - he became smitten with Anck-Su-Namun, the mistress of the Pharaoh himself. Driven mad by jealousy and love, Imhotep murdered the Pharaoh, and his punishment was to be buried alive and suffer the torment of an eternal life in his wretched tomb. In 1925, a band of adventurers seeking fame and fortune - led by Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser), an American expatriate who has joined the foreign legion, and Evelyn Carnarvon (Rachel Weisz), an amateur archeologist - find a previously unknown burial site in Egypt. The team starts to dig, hoping to find lost riches, but instead they disturb the tomb of Imhotep, and soon the cursed priest rises from his grave to wreak vengeance on humanity. Guest: Holly Twospoons.

Jesse (Arye Gross) moves to his biological parents' house with his girlfriend Kate (Lar Park-Lincoln) and soon he hosts his friend Charlie (Jonathan Stark) with his girlfriend, Lana (Amy Yasbeck). Jesse reads old documents and decides to go to the local cemetery with Charlie to unbury his grand grand grandfather to seek out an ancient powerful Aztec skull. They reanimate Gramps (Royal Dano) that soon befriends Jesse and Charlie. But demons cross gateways in the house to retrieve the magic skull and Jesse and Charlie need to go to other dimensions to retrieve the skull and keep Gramps alive. Guest: Wilson.

The Countdown to Halloween Horrorthon continues with 1986’s Poltergeist II: the Other Side. The Freelings have escaped their haunted house, which is now being studied by paranormal investigators, including shaman Taylor (Will Sampson). When Taylor realizes that the Beast, masquerading as the Rev. Kane (Julian Beck), knows where young Carol Anne Freeling (Heather O'Rourke) now lives, he goes to warn the family that their daughter is in danger again. To protect Carol, her father, Steve (Craig T. Nelson), and the rest of the family must plot to take down the Beast. Guest: Alex Welch.

After a comet causes a radiation storm on Earth, machines come to life and turn against their makers. Holed up in a North Carolina truck stop, a group of survivors must fend for themselves against a mass of homicidal trucks. A diner cook, Bill Robinson (Emilio Estevez), emerges as the unlikely leader of the pack, attempting to find an escape plan for himself and the survivors, who include his boss, Bubba Hendershot (Pat Hingle), and a newlywed couple.

When an accident involving a folding machine at an old laundry occurs, detective John Hunton (Ted Levine) decides to investigate. What he finds is the owner of the laundry, Bill Gartley (Robert Englund). Meanwhile the folding machine has acquired a taste for the flesh of human beings, but is there more to Bill Gartley than meets the eye, and does he know what monster hides behind the machine? Guest: Tony.

When his young children are abducted by his old nemesis, Capt. Hook (Dustin Hoffman), middle-aged lawyer Peter Banning (Robin Williams) returns to his magical origins as Peter Pan. Peter must revisit a foggy past in which he abandoned Neverland for family life, leaving Tinkerbell (Julia Roberts) and the Lost Boys to fend for themselves. Given their bitterness toward Peter for growing up -- and their allegiance to their new leader, Rufio -- the old gang may not be happy to see him. Guest: Studio Steve.

Los Angeles is enduring a heat wave and a crime wave, so the pressure on police officer Michael Harrigan (Danny Glover) to solve a strange string of murders is mounting. Harrigan thinks the culprit can be found among the warring gangs and drug cartels, but FBI Special Agent Peter Keyes (Gary Busey) knows the horrible truth: Their killer is a fearsome extraterrestrial (Kevin Peter Hall) with keen hunting abilities that include superior night vision and the power to make itself invisible. Guest: Rick Harlan.

Murderous ghoul Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) has slaughtered every last child in his hometown. He ventures on to a new location, scouting fresh young victims to hack up with his finger blades. He arrives in a small town in which his long-lost daughter, Maggie (Lisa Zane), works as a therapist for troubled youths. He attempts to recruit her for his dastardly pursuits, but she has other ideas. Father and daughter meet for a bloody showdown that will determine Freddy's fate once and for all. Guest: Major Fiancée.

This superhero adventure finds Batman (George Clooney) and his partner, Robin (Chris O'Donnell), attempting to the foil the sinister schemes of a deranged set of new villains, most notably the melancholy Mr. Freeze (Arnold Schwarzenegger), who wants to make Gotham into an arctic region, and the sultry Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman), a plant-loving femme fatale. As the Dynamic Duo contends with these bad guys, a third hero, Batgirl (Alicia Silverstone), joins the ranks of the city's crime-fighters. Guest: Nick Nomads.

In 15th-century Transylvania, Vlad III (Luke Evans), prince of Wallachia, is known as a just ruler. With his beloved wife, Mirena (Sarah Gadon), Vlad has brokered a prolonged period of peace and ensured that his people are protected, especially from the Ottoman Empire. However, when Sultan Mehmed II (Dominic Cooper) demands 1,000 of the country's boys, including Vlad's son, for his army, Vlad makes a deal with a monster (Charles Dance) that will enable him to defeat the Turks -- but cost him his humanity. Guest: Doctor Baby Stitcher.

When the Event Horizon, a spacecraft that vanished years earlier, suddenly reappears, a team is dispatched to investigate the ship. Accompanied by the Event Horizon's creator, William Weir (Sam Neill), the crew of the Lewis and Clark, led by Capt. Miller (Laurence Fishburne), begins to explore the seemingly abandoned vessel. However, it soon becomes evident that something sinister resides in its corridors, and that the horrors that befell the Event Horizon's previous journey are still present. Guest: Cosmo.

In this 2006 sci-fi action film, pseudo-vampires called hemophages are being driven to extinction by the villainous Archministry and its leader, Daxus (Nick Chinlund). The only woman standing in the way is Violet (Milla Jovovich) who utilizes superhuman powers and advanced technology to wage war against the humans. But when she discovers a boy (Cameron Bright) believed to be carrying antigens which can cure or destroy all hemophages, she must protect him from humans and vampires who perceive him as a threat. Guest: the Drake.

In a dystopian future, Joseph Dredd, the most famous Judge, is convicted for a crime he did not commit and must face his murderous counterpart. The Rotten Crew discuss and dissect the 1995 box office bomb with this week's guest, Jake Naked.