Close the Door: Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire Podcast

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We swore we'd never do this but we did. When your boat trip turns into a self-medicating nightmare. Is this Viserys's room? Let's set off everybody's claustrophobia. Don't eat the mushrooms, bro. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 585

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. This is another Listener's Choice episode. Clearly you all hate us, because you chose the Prologue from A Dance with Dragons a.k.a. the horror story of Varamyr Sixskins. Join us as we dive into the head of serial baby-eater Varamyr while contemplating our own poor life choices. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance With Dragons - Prologue - Varamyr Sixskins (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 584

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. While we're confident that Dunk is indeed a lunk and a hunk, we're praying that Egg is the perfect little sh*t. And, most importantly, who gets to wear the one Targaryen wig? The One True Wig (OTW?) A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms TV Series - Amuse-bouche. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 583

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Where does Feast rank among ASoIaF novels? We may never come around on the Greyjoys, but it's always wonderful to see the real Arya. And, some good news on the illustrated edition? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Retrospective. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 582

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. While Marwyn chases down the Cinnamon Wind like a cruise ship passenger coming back late from an excursion, Sam furthers both his growth and his connections to like, everyone and everywhere. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Samwell V. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 581

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It's been multiple years and some of us still have no idea what our social media handles are. Tywin Lannister: not a detail-oriented guy or just uncaring about certain details? We all sincerely hope that Sybell Spicer gets a POV chapter in Winds. Also, we speculate far more about Ilyn Payne than we ever thought possible. A Feast for Crows is the cherry on Jaime's breakup sundae. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Jaime VII (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 580

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tommen fishes for cats while Cersei gives awkward hugs. Taena is RSVPing "No" to the playdate from hell, while we would all gladly attend the Kettleblack Bowl. Margaery is going to get scurvy (actually rickets), but Cersei is finally going to get what's coming to her. Septas beware! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei X (repost). Originally recorded in 2016. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 579

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Sometimes a missing tongue is just a missing tongue. Most of us like dogs, but tune in to find out who doesn't. Catelyn has left the building. Pod's been hanging for 14 f**king years and we're done with it. What did the Russian translator know and when did they know it? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne VIII (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 578

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Alayne's got the Eyrie under control, poor Sweetrobin included. Lothar x Mya 5Eva and Sansa x Littlefinger NEVA! Myranda Royce is angling for her next husband and everyone in the Vale is probably already looking forward to next spring's big thawed oxen feast. Join us as we head back down the mountain in another of our favorite chapters. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Alayne II (Sansa III) (repost). Originally recorded in 2018. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 577

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Arianne's metaphorical guitar smash has got her into prison. Or is it a 5-star spa? In any case our princess learns some home truths from her retconning dad. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Princess in the Tower (Arianne II). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 576

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. The Devil Wears Donyse, but Cersei's sanity is wearing thin. Our favorite crazy Queen is not a "disciplined thinker", but she would have gotten away with if it wasn't for those meddling kids. Or those dim Kettleblacks. We're all in for Taena '16 and looking forward to that hot Cersburn bath scene in The Winds of Winter. George, pls. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei IX (repost). Originally recorded in 2016. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 575

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. The Blackfish may be a badass, but if you're maid #4 in the Tully's kitchen, Edmure is the Lord you want. It's time to go beyond the trebuchet and launch ourselves into a discussion of how Jaime's here to clean up Tywin's mess. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Jaime VI (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 574

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Welcome to the Inn of the Lord of the Flies. Brienne is a goddamn hero. Hyle may be a dog, but he's an honest dog. Where's our Son of Nedbert fic? We need something to take our minds off of this heartwrenching chapter. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne VII (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 573

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Never wake a sleeping Maggy. It's valonqar this and younger, more beautiful, that, as we go all in on that &%#^ prophecy. Cersei finds her Brienne. Feel the Cersburn! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei VIII (repost). Originally recorded in 2016. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 572

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We've come to that climatic moment in the series where we conclude that fat is not a bad thing, but that Sam is bad at the morning after and George is bad at sex scenes. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Samwell IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 571

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. While GRRM can't seem to decide if there's magic in the world or no magic, we wonder if Arya is in there somewhere as she sees murals of Braavosi go go dancers and plays two truths and a lie. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cat of the Canals (Arya III). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 570

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Daven is here for the ride with his hockey beard. Genna has everybody's number. And Papa Tywin made some really questionable deals. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne IV (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 569

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Behold the dogs of war! We contemplate a 19-year-old Jaime, while Cersei contemplates the Arbor wine supply and not-so-fondly recalls nameday sex with Robert. Myrish Swamp? Sounds like you need a shower. And what the heck is Qyburn doing down in the dungeon? Human centipede anyone? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei VII (repost). Originally recorded in 2016. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 568

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Is the path to the Quiet Isle a metaphor for Brienne's long and winding journey or a trip to Ikea? In any case, the Quiet Isle gives Brienne (and us) a welcome pause...and inspiration for all the fanfic. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne VI (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 567

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Can you smell that Darry air? We meet more fun Freys, and ladies, let's face it, we've all been a Gatehouse Ami. Jaime's a great father figure, but Lancel has a rather strict view of what constitutes treason. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Jaime IV (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 566

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Victarion is having a "we're the workers doing all the work and the boss takes the glory" moment. Also, George? Stop naming chapters after nicknames. Even The Reader can't save us from this chapter where George is Boba Fetting to an insane degree. Nuncles at their nunclest.This chapter could have been a Raven. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Reaver (Victarion II). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 565

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. No one wants to get their dress dirty. Marg's posse all have the cool names. So do the ships, and by ships we mean the kind that go in water. Megga x Mark Mullendore and monkeys for everyone? And Sweet Cersei sings: Whatever it is I think I see becomes an Incest relationship to me. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei VI (repost). Originally recorded in 2016. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 564

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Can you feel the love in King's Landing? Our favorite twins can't. Harrenhal may be a nightmare, but the Golden Bitchslap is every shipper's dream. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Jaime III (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 563

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Sam is in hell, but honestly, Sam, get the water yourself and stop whining. Everything sucks, but specifically Dareon. Arya shows up and Sam (and we) are thrilled to see her. If only Aemon had gotten to Dany and/or Oldtown we wouldn't have to write AU fanfic. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Samwell III. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 562

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tune in for hipster date night with Hyle Hunt where he gives the Stinking Goose a really bad Yelp review. You may not like him, but Hyle makes LoT laugh so he's won her over. Special shoutout to Septon Meribald's giant feet (wink wink). And Podrick Payne remains our special cinnamon roll. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne V (repost). Originally recorded in 2019. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 561

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It's another rough day at the office for Cersei: bill collectors to the right and laundry accidents to the left. Chicky needs to keep her bitch in line. The North Remembers, but sadly, Cersei has forgotten all she never learned at her father's knee. Join us for for bathtub memories, Kettleblacks galore, the first Ser Pounce sighting, and the proposed prohibition of beets. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei V (repost). Originally recorded in 2016. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 560

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We're calling this a siege even if Petyr isn't. Why aren't there any chickens in the Eyrie? And why is Petyr so gross? No one wants to see Littlefinger die more than we do. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Alayne I (Sansa II). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 559

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. The House of Black and White is a cult and you cannot tell us otherwise. Drink if the Kindly Man asks Arya who she is. Chug if he says "you lie." A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Arya II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 558

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. When everything that can go wrong, does and it's because Arianne's cohort seems to be straight out of a lethal version of Scooby Doo. No strategy, just vibes and snacks for the road. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Queenmaker (Arianne I). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 557

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Brienne is smarter than anyone thinks. What is going on with the Squishers anyway? George's sour grapes about that Hugo loss mean Brienne beat the crap out of Harry Potter. Did Brienne accidentally make a weirwood sacrifice? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne IV (repost). Originally recorded in 2019.

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Come on down for the Iron Islands Kingsmoot which is a combo religious revival meeting/political convention where every Greyjoy nuncle is crazier than the last and the pirate lifestyle ages you terribly. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Drowned Man (Aeron II).   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 555

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. What is worse than a car show? One with your incestuous uncles, only the cars are boats. Randyll Tarly should get Harrenhal next. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Iron Captain (Victarion I).   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 554

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Podcasting direct from the Sapphire Isle, we've got empty bladders, full cups and all of your questions in this special first EVER in-person Drunkcast Q&A episode. Hey, it only took us ten years to make this happen. A Song of Ice and Fire. In-person Drunkcast Q&A. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 553

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We're all gonna need some wine to get through this committee meeting. Qyburn is the under-appreciated Westerosi Martha Stewart. Lots of heads floating around. Cersei sings "If They Could See Me Now". And LoT gives Ash a Jumbotron proposal she can't refuse. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei IV. Originally recorded in 2016.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 552

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. There's kittens for everyone in King Tommen's land. Kevan and Loras get some great one-liners, but Jaime's quips are wasted on the likes of Lancel. Cersei's at her wine-throwing worst, and Jaime's having none of it. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Jaime II. Originally recorded in 2019.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 551

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We're already very warmed up for our cold open, so enjoy the extra intro as we once again drunkenly podcast from "Tarth." We learn that all of our literary comprehension, foreshadowing and wild speculation will never compare to the accuracy of the Star Trek Tarot cards. It's the Drunkcast Prediction Episode! A Song of Ice and Fire. In-person Drunkcast - Predictions.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 550

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Gilly has our heartstrings as she and Sam are on the cruise from hell. We would have figured out a way to smuggle two babies out. Meanwhile we're all getting old. The Eyrie might be a good place for a weekend but we wouldn't want to live there. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Samwell II.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 549

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Welcome to "Loathed No More," a Jaime/Brienne love story. We don't want Hyle Hunt for Brienne, but maybe we want him for ourselves? Is Mark Mullendore the Ross of the Knights of Summer? Maybe, but Brienne is definitely the Captain America of Westeros. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne III. Originally recorded in 2019.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 548

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Trigger warning for gross objectification as Ser Arys Oakhart navigates Dorne and Arianne Martell. Our listeners love Greyjoys for some reason. We're not judging for you it. In an alternate reality, Damphair would have been a great EMT. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Soiled Knight.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 547

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Will Cersei ever learn that paranoia will destroy ya? Speaking of destruction, let us mourn Tyrion's porn stash. Tommen is the Bubble Boy. Spiced wine is the answer for everything and who knew that Robert was the glue holding Jaime and Cersei's love together? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei III. Originally recorded in 2015.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 546

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. With Asha and The Reader, maybe the Ironborn aren't so bad after all? Theon Greyjoy! Go see your Mama! Does Tristifer Botley understand how anatomy works, or is he expecting a Kraken to show up with his dozen children? And, we get some meaty questions on Lady Stoneheart, the Targs, and why Dany gets so much fandom hate. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Kraken's Daughter - Asha I. Originally recorded in 2018.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 545

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. If you've lost your fingers, how can you play the harp 24/7? Who does Petyr love? Whatever is going on at the Eyrie, #itscomplicated and we are here for Sansa. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - AFfC Sansa I

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Every time Brienne takes a bath she thinks of Jaime, confirmed. Pod breaks our hearts. There are some things Brienne would give up her honor for… Why do people hate happiness, and genitals? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - AFfC Brienne II. Originally recorded in 2019.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 543

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. The Vigil that outstinks all Vigil's. Pycelle is Tywin's biggest stan. Jaime decides getting nasty next to the dead body of a family member might not be proper, finally. Jaime and Tommen bond over going away inside. A Feast for Crows - Jaime I. Originally recorded in 2019.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 542

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tommen throws pennies “to” the people. Are farts as useless as nipples on a breastplate? Gregor's a milk of the puppy junkie. This is Cersei Unchained. We'll miss you most of all, wine. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei II Originally recorded in 2015.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 541

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. This is not the place to learn about life on a ship. How does the Titan roar, anyway? The House of Black and White is creepy but in an interesting way. Someone explain why she tries to eat that worm. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Arya I.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 540

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. George R. R. Martin is absolutely using Sam as a self-insert in this chapter. Does Sam not understand he can check books out of the library? Jon knows his Stannis situation looks bad from the outside. Does Jon need to go this hard at killing the boy? We're all Team Gilly. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Samwell I.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 539

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Everything about Brienne is ugly, except for her eyes. And her soul. And her mare, which is not a piebald. We get inside Brienne's head and , no surprise, it's a beautiful place to be. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Brienne I. Originally recorded in 2019.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 538

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. You may love a Targaryen. Lot's surprised we're defending Cersei. Guile calls out the Cersei x Qyburn meet cute. We're all bonding over platonic Shea questioning. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - Cersei I. Originally recorded in 2015.   Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 537

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Dorne seems delightful as the metaphors literally drop from the sky. We meet the Sand Snakes through the male gaze, but at least we can fall back on our other senses with those delicious descriptions of Dornish food. Yum!! Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Feast for Crows - The Captain of Guards. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 536

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Is this the worst chapter in all of the books? Maybe, because the Iron Islands suck. Is it Damphair or Damfere and is he naked this entire chapter? Kingsmoot! Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A A Feast for Crows: The Prophet. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 535