Podcast appearances and mentions of Michael S Sorensen

Today we talk about validation and the do's and don'ts. To learn more about where I am learning these tips from go find the book "I Hear you" by Michael S. Sorensen

Today's episode is all about working to create an environment in which you're able to bring up sensitive topics and not have a blowout argument over it or get your head bit off, figuratively of course. Ha-ha!

Michael S. Sorensen is a business executive by day and a bestselling author, speaker, and relationship coach by night. He has helped hundreds of thousands of people across the world heal broken relationships, revitalize their confidence, and become masters of connection in business, love, and life. Unique among others in his field, Michael is not a therapist, social worker, or medical professional. Instead, he gained his knowledge by going to therapy himself—1-2 times per week, for over five years—and voraciously consuming every relationship and self-help book he could get his hands on. On this podcast, Michael talks about one of the most valuable (yet little-known) communication skills - validation. The subject of his book, I Hear You, validation is the key to calming fears and uncertainties, increasing feelings of love and appreciation in relationships, and giving advice and feedback that sticks. Michael shares his 4-step method for validating others (and oneself), talks about how to identify emotions, and shares why validation is such a simple yet powerful interpersonal tool. Here’s the outline of this interview with Michael Sorensen: [00:00:31] Book: I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships, by Michael S. Sorensen. [00:00:43] Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Anna Dow. [00:00:54] Book: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It, by Chris Voss. [00:01:31] How Michael came to the skill of validation. [00:03:38] Defining validation. [00:05:16] Simon Marshall, PhD. [00:06:49] Listening vs. validation. [00:07:45] Podcast: The Postmenopausal Longevity Paradox and the Evolutionary Advantage of Our Grandmothering Life History, with Kristin Hawkes, PhD. [00:09:37] Benefits of validation. [00:11:25] Invalidating statements. [00:14:35] When to validate. [00:15:11] 4 step method: Listen empathically, validate, advice/feedback, validate again. [00:16:56] How to identify emotions. [00:18:16] Emotion wheel. [00:18:56] Podcast: From Magic to Mindfulness: The Evolution of an Entrepreneur, with Jason Connell. [00:19:23] Book: It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, by Hilary Jacobs Hendel. [00:24:52] Validation vs. reflective listening. [00:27:23] Validating when you don't agree. [00:33:05] Why it’s a short book. [00:34:41] The I Hear You Relationships Podcast. [00:35:35] Validating ourselves. [00:37:32] Find Michael: Amazon, michaelssorensen.com.

An effective way to connect with people is to learn how to listen better. Books teaching practical listening skills are a good place to start. We talk about one in today's episode. Hello everyone and welcome to episode 105. I have a question for you today. If you want to connect with people to form meaningful relationships with them, where do you start? Today’s episode will answer this question by showing one way you can begin to develop deeper relationships with people. Keep listening to learn how. I can tell you one way that doesn’t work is to try connecting with others by talking. By offering your commentary on whatever you see, hear, or think about it. By filling the airwaves with the sound of your voice. And by talking at people, rather than talking with them. A far more effective way to connect with people is to listen to them. The apostle James had it right when he said, “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” Too many of us do just the opposite, we’re quick to speak, and we’re slow to listen. So if listening to people is an effective way to connect with them, how do we do that? How do we learn to listen better? Learn how through reading One way is to read books on the subject. The problem though is there isn’t a lot of books written on listening. There are many books on communication, but almost universally they’re about the talking part of communication. How to get your point across, how to negotiate, how to have difficult conversations with people. Talk, talk, talk. And more talk. Even my favorite singer, Marcel Marceau, tried to get in the act with his book on how to communicate better with your speaking. It was a very short book, and the sales just weren’t there. Stick to your day job, Marcel. However, I was surprised a while back when I saw a new book that had come out on how to listen better. So I bought it, read it, and found it useful. Today I want to tell you about the book and why I recommend you read it. I think you’d do yourself a favor by reading it because it answers the question, how do I get started in connecting with people in order to form meaningful relationships with them? The name of the book is I Hear You - The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships, by Michael S. Sorensen. I’ll have a link to it in the show notes. The Author Michael S. Sorensen is a marketing executive. Not a therapist, trainer or life coach. His book is about what he learned from his therapist, trainer, and life coach Single guy when he wrote the book © 2017 Who the book is for People who don’t read very much. It’s an easy to read book Those who want to be a better listener. Who want to improve their skill level Who feel they’re not connecting with people Those prone to give advice and fix problems People willing to try something new to deepen their relationship Managers or co-workers The book is not for people who are already good listeners, who easily connect with people. If people are coming to you and confiding in you with their hurts or problems, you don’t need this book. It’s also not for academics or professional counselors. Structure of the Book 139 pages. Bibliography/Endnotes of 8 sources Besides the introduction and afterword, the book has 10 brief chapters divided into 3 sections. “My goal has been to make this book a quick read; something you can blaze through in a weekend and revisit as needed., p. 12” At the end of each chapter is a summary. You could read just these short summaries and get the gist of the book. It’s like the Cliffs Notes of the book Premise of the book We will have significant and sustainable relationships to the extent we listen well to people. Listening well starts with resisting the urge to give advice and fix problems for people, and ends with affirming the feelings of people who talk to us. That’s it in a nutshell. Take-aways from the book The author talks a lot about “validation,” which is his way of describing affirming the emotion expressed by someone to you. It’s really integral to active listening and empathy. To this, Sorensen adds it’s important for the listener to acknowledge justification for feeling that emotion. e.g, “You seem really upset over what she said to you; I’d be upset, too, if she said that to me.” The book is consistent with the O.R.A. principle of deepening relationships we’ve been talking about on this podcast. Observe - Remember - Ask. The book is a heavy dose of “Observe.” One of the strengths of the book is how he treats invalidating responses, things like, “you’ll be fine, it could be worse, at least, don’t worry; things will work out He gives examples of validating what someone is feeling even though you disagree with the other person’s interpretation of an event The author shares ideas of how to develop empathy, the first one is “Get curious.” We had two episodes on this subject: 062: Vaccine Now Available for this Relational Virus 063: Six Reason Why We’re not More Curious About People, and What We’re Missing as a Result Why It’s Worth Reading It’s a “How-to” book. It gives examples of how to put the premise of the book into practice He also shares examples of what not to do, for example, never say to someone, “I know exactly how you feel.” It’s an easy and fast read Practical, not technical. Lot’s of examples to illustrate his points It’s a first step for those who want to deepen their relationships by becoming better listeners The author mentions good listening is a skill, and like any skill needs to be practiced and repeated. It’s in keeping with what we talked about in episodes 11-14 on the four levels of relationship skills. I’ll have links to these episodes in the show notes. Amazon Reviews of the Book About 1600 reviews, 4.5 out of 5-star rating Most people raved about the book for its simplicity and practicality There were many, this book changed my life it was so good reviews Also, a few the book was boring reviews The negative reviews were either about the book was poorly bound and pages out of order - or - it was simplistic, and the author repeated himself. It could have been a book even shorter than it was. So what does all this mean for YOU? How can you use what you’ve heard today to improve the relationships in YOUR life? Here are a few ideas: Start by reading the book. Get it from your library or buy a copy. If it resonates with you, put in to practice what the author suggests. If that goes well, ask a few people if they’d like to go through the book as a group. Form a little book club. Practice the principles mentioned in the book as a group. It would be a great summer read. If you lead a group of people in your job, church, or organization, read the book as a group and discuss it. It would be a great way for the people you lead to learn how to care for each other by learning how to listen better. I used to help train counselors at a lay counseling class at our church, and had this book been around at the time I would have used it: I Hear You - The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships, by Michael S. Sorensen If you forget everything else, here’s the one thing I hope you remember from today’s episode. Our best chance for developing meaningful connections with people is to learn how to listen better. The book we’ve been discussing, I Hear You, is a good place to start. I’d love to hear any thoughts you have about today’s episode. Just send them to me in an email to john@caringforothers.org. I may share them in a future episode unless you say otherwise. You can also share your thoughts in the “Leave a Reply” box at the bottom of the show notes. Closing I hope your thinking was stimulated by today’s show, to both reflect and to act. So that you will find the joy God intends for you through your relationships. Because after all, You Were Made for This. Well, that’s all for today. I look forward to connecting with you again next week. Now go out and get the book. Goodbye for now. You Were Made for This is sponsored by Caring for Others, a missionary care ministry. We depend upon the generosity of donors to pay our bills.  If you'd like to support what we do with a secure tax-deductible donation, please click here. We'd be so grateful if you did. Resource mentioned in today’s show I Hear You - The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships, by Michael S. Sorensen Related episodes you may want to listen to 011 Relationship Skills - Level 1 012 Relationship Skills - Level 2 013 Relationship Skills - Level 3 014 Relationship Skills - Level 4  

On this episode of Openly Outspoken, I have the chance to talk with relationship coach and author Michael S. Sorensen, whose book has helped me make drastic changes in the way I communicate. He explains the difference between validating and agreeing, why it is important to know your motivation during a conversation, and how validating can be helpful in political arguments. Michael and I also discuss why addressing feelings with curiosity can help you to avoid repressing your thoughts and emotions. Michael S. Sorensen is a bestselling author, speaker, and relationship coach. His award-winning book, I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships, is a consistent bestseller on multiple Amazon charts and is changing the way people approach relationships in business, love, and life.An “everyday-person-turned-thought-leader,” Michael has been invited to speak at some of the world’s largest organizations, has been featured in major media outlets and publications, and is praised for his simple, approachable, practical approach to teaching life-changing principles.Michael is also the host of the I Hear You Relationships Podcast, creator of the Extraordinary Relationships Master Course, and is a passionate entrepreneur with several successful ventures across a variety of industries. Michael received his Bachelor’s degree in Business Management from Brigham Young University, and resides with his wife Melissa in Lehi, Utah. You can get 50% off of Michael’s course here: www.michaelssorensen.com/openlyReach out to Michael here:Website (preferred): https://michaelssorensen.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/hellomichaelsorensen/Twitter: https://twitter.com/MichaelSorensnLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelssorensen/Openly Outspoken with Jeremy Adams is a podcast for authentic discussions on current events, business, politics, science, and more with some of the world’s best and brightest thought leaders. Jeremy’s primary inspiration to start the podcast was to be able to have meaningful conversations with people whose viewpoints he may or may not agree with. One of the greatest things about current civilization is the fact we are so different and have so many different perspectives. With a focus on growth and learning, rather than just being right, the world will be a much better place.New episodes stream live every Friday on Facebook & YouTube at 11AM EST/8AM PST.The new full episodes are available on your favorite podcast player shortly thereafter the live streams.To subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast player, visit: http://openlyoutspoken.comTo subscribe and watch full episodes on Youtube, visit: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeV_4fKex4yOwO8fh_EMP4gTo learn more about Jeremy Adams, visit: http://jeremycadams.comAnd to connect with the Jeremy on social media, please see the links below:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrjeremycadams/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mrjeremycadamsTwitter: https://twitter.com/mrjeremycadamsLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mrjeremycadams/

Dwayne Smith on Communication in Relationships and Lessons from Polyamory Dwayne Smith, a PhD student in computational social science at George Mason University researches criminal justice policy reform, restorative justice initiatives, and the impacts of public policy on black communities. He works in cyber security. He is a pilot and a fitness competitor. When he's not working on all those things and more, he finds the time to work on a book on communications with Life Coach Lori Carpenter and to tell The Leftscape all about it. Check out what Dwayne has to say about what he's discovered through polyamory in regard to fostering healthy relationships. The L.O.V.E.R.S. steps to resolving conflict are memorable and useful for anyone. In this episode's edition of 3 Random Facts and the News, co-hosts Robin Renée, Mary McGinley, and Wendy Sheridan highlight a very loud U2 concert held on May 27, 1987, explain the meaning of "octothorpe," and remember a famous horse named Mr. Tiz. After a quick rewind to "Let Your Bi Flag Fly (Episode 80)" for a correction and some thoughts on the last show's conversation, All the News We Can Handle includes Memorial Day crowds in a pandemic, "Costco Kevin," Robin's encounters with safer and not-so-safe retail experiences, and The Leftscape's upcoming celebration of LGBTQ Pride on Facebook. In The Geekscape, Wendy geeks out on some gardening tips and shares what she's planted this season. Things to do: Keep up with Dwayne Smith on Facebook and Twitter. Check out Lori Carpenter at What If... ? Coaching and on Instagram. Listen to I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships by Michael S. Sorensen Learn About Loving More, the premiere nonprofit serving the polyamory and ethical non-monogamy community since 1985. Like The Leftscape on Facebook and join us in June for a Parade of Prides Past. Read the Statement by the Ad Hoc Coalition of Former BiNet USA Leaders, released on May 22, 2020. Enjoy Wendy's garden photos (Click for full image).         Sound engineering by Wendy Sheridan Show notes by Robin Renée Fake sponsor messages by Thomas Limoncelli

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Michael S. Sorensen is an award-winning author and marketing executive by day, and an avid reader, researcher, and personal development junkie by night. Obsessed with finding the best principles and practices for living a rich, fulfilling, and connected life, he seeks out and experiments with new and interesting ideas to discover what actually *works.* Having benefited from years of mentoring from coaches, counselors, and executives (and the wisdom of countless self-help books), he's set out to share his explorations, insights, and discoveries with others.