Birdhands

Doctor Birdhands! Paging Doctor Birdhands! You have a telephone call at the front desk. Join us as we watch something good for a change. This week we gush over our childhood hero and favorite film of our young lives, "Pee Wee's Big Adventure". It's all about the love this week!

Our good pal Michael Myers is back! In POG form! Actually in streaming form. So we won't have to wait for the latest offering from the long running Halloween franchise. This is the 12th so far in the series so coming up with new ideas will be key to making this film a success with its die hard fan base. Go get subscribed to Peacock and watch along with us.

The longest 81 minutes of our lives. Galaxy of Terror. Too crappy to compete with Alien, too slick to compete with The Galaxy Invader.

Three tales of horror from the gang that brought you Creepshow. That alone should reel in some horror fans. But for some reason this just doesn't compare to Creepshow 1 or 2 but is still a decent watch. A bit slower pace than most anthologies but it does have great production values and an all star cast. Grab some generic cookies and join us in the Birdhole as we watch this nostalgia trip.

Five monsters for the price of one? What a value! Especially during World War 2 when escapism and saving money was welcome. But even the mighty Universal Monster series eventually got stale and decided to put all their eggs into one basket. But are these eggs golden or rotten? The smell of sulfur is flowing out of the Birdhole as we enter, the House of Frankenstein!

It happened this many times? People need to ban slumber parties if this keeps taking place. But then we could not have our special sleepovers in the Birdhole. And then life would not be worth living. So pull up a sleeping bag and get out the Smores, as we view Slumber Party Massacre 3.

This week on Birdhands we watch the movie that inspired us to become garbage men! Men at Work!

Hell of the Living Dead goes by many titles. But it should be called "Dawn of the Zomble" because it is a mix of Fulci and Romero but directed by Ed Wood. It is really bad, but also good in a guilty pleasure way. But then again we like strange things here in the Birdhole. So strap on a strap on and prepare to be violated by this early eighties zombie turd.

Evil Dead is one of the most loved films of the 80's. To me it represents a changing of the guard in terms of directing styles. Sam Raimi was a fresh young filmmaker at the time and was surrounded by other youthful talent that was willing to rough it just to make a 16mm horror film. Seeing what was going to be put onscreen in terms of gore, it is surprising they were able to get this film made in the first place. Today on Birdhands we watch 1981's Evil Dead with fresh eyes to see what all the fuss was about.

The Prey kind of falls under the genre of movie that you see the box every time you went to the video store in the 80's, but never rent it until it was a 99 cent rental. Being a strange young fellow I actually did rent this and actually was a bit freaked out by it. The quiet soundtrack and slow pace were quite intense for a seven year old. Then again I was still scared of the chocolate pie baker falling down the stairs on Sesame Street at that age. Join us in the Birdhole as we pitch a tent while watching....The Prey! (Theatrical Version 80 Minutes)

Birdhands is back with a brand new invention. Well, not brand new but at least 65 percent new jokes are featured in this weeks watch along of the 1991 classic, "Cool As Ice".  

Time to get into some hometown horror. In fact this may be one of the best Canadian horror movies of all time. Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are incredible in this 1986 Science Fiction gross out classic. Some of the most repulsive visual effects you will ever see are in this movie. We already have our buzz on, so hang on to your fingernails and get ready to take a trip, on "The Fly".

If you think that you can take the formula that made 1982's "E.T." a major box office smash and recreate it without the talent of Steven Speilberg and Industrial Light and Magic then you are wrong. Dead wrong. In fact, this week on Birdhands we will present the evidence to back up this claim. "Mac and Me" is what you get when believe that money can replace heart and passion. Just because Ronald McDonald and Coca Cola have you covered it does not mean you will come out on top. Trust us. It is worse than a plate of McRib's.

This week on Birdhands we watch four more classic Degrassi episodes. Degrassi Junior High Season 2 - Episodes 6 and 11 Degrassi High Season 1 Episode 14 and Season 2 Episode 7 Sync yourself up! You've got a new friend!

Oh My Gaaaaawwwwwwdddddd! This movie sucks.

Remember the first time the creators of Halloween decided to ask the fans to forget particular installments in the series? Well, it was 23 years ago and they did it again a few decades later. But nothing beats the original slap to the audiences faces and the Birdhands gang was there on opening night to witness Jamie Lee Curtis' return to the role she was destined to milk for the rest of her life. At the time, "Halloween H20" was like a sunny day after a long cold winter. But now it is more like a late nineties time capsule. Nostalgia was not as big as it is now and this could have been better and much more successful in rebooting the franchise. This will probably make you remember "Dawson's Creek" more than anything but we would love it if you joined us as we take a sip of H20!

We got this man! We got this by the ass! We sure do. The original "Dawn of the Dead" is one of the greatest and epic horror movies ever made. And yes this is the one that Generation Z usually refer to as the "more boring one" compared to the remake. But to anyone who remembers renting this on VHS from a local video store in the old days, it is the film that blew your mind. Seeing this for the first time was so amazing that it is an experience that I try and repeat by getting other people to watch it. I doubt it has the impact it once did now that the genre is played out, but this is the one that really started it all. If you have not seen this, forget our commentary and turn your phone off while you watch it to take it all in. Then come up for round 2 and view it with Birdhands. Also we are watching the US Theatrical Cut as that is the best one.

David Cronenberg is a Canadian icon. This week on Birdhands we discuss various parasites we have had and also the ones that are featured in this movie. Make sure to wear protection, and join us as we get "Shivers".

This week we jump into the lower end of the Elm Street franchise. Not the lowest, but very low. Join us as we give birth to a mutant Freddy as we watch - A Nightmare on Elm Street 5

Werewolves were all the rage in 1981. Everywhere you went people were howling at the moon and transforming into hairy beasts. Kind of sounds like any given night in the Birdhole except our silver bullets are suppositories at this point not a six pack of Coors Light. But that's okay as we will be watching a true classic this week. It contains some of the best looking creature effects for any era by Rob Bottin. Join us as we give you a piece of our minds while we watch and listen to, "The Howing".

Everything was riding on the follow up to the original surprise smash hit "Friday the 13th" in 1981. I don't think they could have imagined at the time that there would be ten more sequels after this was released. It was probably just considered a quick cash grab. But they somehow pulled it off and created one of the longest running movie series in history. Is this one of the best? Join us in the Birdhole as we watch and discuss the important things in life as we witness - Friday the 13th Part 2!

It is a mystery why Hulk Hogan is named Rip in this awful film. I could see if he was a character like the Undertaker where the "rest in piece" connection could be made but even then it seems weird. To me it would be like Disney making a movie with Mickey Mouse and him being named Darren Smith or something other than Mickey. But that is not the only puzzling thing in this movie. Join us as we train, say our prayers, and take our vitamins as we battle through watching "No Holds Barred".

What did we just watch? I have to say that "Slumber Party Massacre 2" is the easily the greatest thing since "Slumber Party Massacre 1" and that is the God's truth. But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. And that is the case with this film which might be the longest 75 minutes of all time. So charge up your drill guitar and get ready to rock out with your Birdhands out!

What was Willis talking about? We get to the bottom of that mystery as well as many others that have haunted us since childhood on this weeks very special episode of Birdhands. We jump into the fire with a four episode binge of Diff'rent Strokes. We will be watching Season 4 Episode 2, Season 5 Episode 1 and 2, and Season 7 Episode 1. So dig those ones up and join us as we move the world. Hmmmmmm!  

This week on Birdhands we crack into a franchise that does not get the respect it probably deserves. While it may be remembered mainly for the first two films in the series, every kid in the 80's knew all about these lovable creatures. Join us as we travel through time and remember how we wasted our childhood years watching gems like "Critters 2 - The Main Course".

We all know we would create Kelly LeBrock on our home computers if we could. You can't though, we tried and it backfired horribly. A melting Barbie doll burnt down half of the Birdhole. But we found a way to still watch this 1980's teen classic where the greatest older brother character ever steals the show. Join us with a bra on your head as we watch: Weird Science!

Come mister tally man tally me banana. This film is not only one of the worst sequels in film history, but also responsible for ruining the Banana Boat song by Harry Belafonte. Every time I hear it I think of the people getting eaten by Jaws in this movie. I presume it is Jaws. Or at least his son. Why else does he have such a grudge for the Brody family? I wonder if Jaws is also stalking Richard Dreyfuss? These are the answers the world needs right now. And we at Birdhands are here to give them to you.

Friends forever. That is our mantra down here in the bowels of the Birdhole. But we have never had a theme song to go along with it. That all changed when we feasted our eyeholes on this lost gem of a film. The unfortunately fictional band "Dragon Sound" is only the icing on this messy but delicious cake. It seems like the result you would get if you had a focus group of people who never made a movie and asked them all what would make a movie awesome. The answer would be everything  And only after you viewed the final result would you realize why movies like this are not made. But we are glad it was made, because for all the drawbacks this has, it is amazing. So much heart and good intention went into this and that makes it hard to make fun of. But we will anyway!

Freddy vs. Jason is a schoolyard conversation and debate that was had by every child of the eighties come to life on the silver screen. Only thing is, it was twenty years too late and times had changed with movie audiences. Not really for the better either. This is really just an Elm Street movie with a guest appearance by Jason Voorhees. No respect for the Jason character at all. But I do remember the hype around this when it was released and we saw it opening night. But how will it hold up all these years later? Join us and place your bets!

The more things change, the more they stay the same. It has been a whopping sixty years since the worlds biggest and feared monsters collided on screen, and they are about to do it again. Godzilla Vs Kong will be released on video on demand next week. But it already happened in this classic Toho film which marked Godzilla's third outing and one of his last as a bad guy. It has quite possibly the worst monster suit ever put in a major movie. Kong is just awful looking from any angle. That being said, we here in the Birdhole don't mind at all. In fact we think you should grab a barrel of berry juice and join us as we watch two titans go at it for all the marbles. This week it's.... King Kong Vs. Godzilla!

Why are we watching this movie? It's called Cheerleader Camp. That's it!

Is CHUD a DUD? Find out this and many things more on this weeks episode.

Creepshow is one of the few movies that kind of falls into its own category. If you had to describe it to someone who has never heard of it, you would find it hard to explain exactly what it is. The tagline on the poster is bang on, "The Most Fun You'll Ever Have Being Scared". That is very accurate. Nothing in this film is meant to be taken all that seriously, but the material and everyone involved with it show it complete respect. George Romero's reputation as an indie underdog often overshadows the achievement of this film opening at number one when it was released. It was a big box office success for Warner and probably would have done double the business if it was not rated R. In my opinion this film is a masterpiece. The one thing I always liked about it is that each story feels like it takes place in an alternate universe that captures the joy of EC comics from the 1950's. Anyone who is a fan of those knows what I mean. So some bug spray and cue up the greatest comic book movie ever made. Just a side note, we had a technical glitch near the end of the last segment which cut off the last few minutes of the movie. Must have been roaches in the studio!

Dog will hunt! We at Birdhands have been coming up short in our hunt for a decent movie in the last few years. Our success rate is about 2 percent to date. "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation" is a truly awful film that only really exists to prove to the world that Matthew McConaughey is an amazing actor. I think that this could be an example of the most professional actor alive. Most would not want to stand out in a movie like this but he goes full on method actor no matter how bad you know it will be. I guess for his performance it's worth a look but everything else in it is just garbage. Leatherface looks like Susan Boyle crossed with Brian May. For all you out there who like to suffer like we do, cue up this turd and watch along with us, because it is about to get stinky.

Hellraiser is Clive Barker's most well known work to date. But the author turned director was not very happy with film he made. Which is strange because it was a hit with horror fans almost instantly when released. It's a shame that the many awful sequels that were made mostly without Barker's involvement really brought the franchise down a few notches.  The real eye candy of the film are the Cenobites that appear mostly in the final moments of the movie. They are the reason that it is such a memorable motion picture. Not many people remember the main characters, but they always remember Pinhead and the rest of his gang of nightmarish pals. So what is your pleasure? Ours is a 10 pack of Timbits and a few coffees. So let us tear your soul apart with this weeks episode, "Hellraiser".

Ba ba ba na na ba ba baaaa! The Blue Oyster song would send people into hysterics back in the mid-eighties. Now it just seems puzzling how the police did not know their district all that well. But it was still fun to see what kind of hijinks this cast of characters would get into every year when a new installment would come out. This was the last one that is fondly remembered by most. Kids everywhere loved these movies and I guess adults didn't mind them either. But will they hold up and be as funny as they were 30 years later? Let's find out....

Birdhands has been a victim of peer pressure. We have been asked to do this movie in a forceful way and feel bullied into watching this turd. That's okay with us though as we have sat in, and through bigger turds than this so we can handle it. Troma movies are in a class all their own. Somewhat entertaining but also like they are trying to make a bad movie because they lack the balls to make a good one. Like hipsters that tell you that they only listen to obscure music you have never heard of, so you never can gauge if they actually have taste. And Troma is an acquired taste. But since we have no taste we will open wide and take one for the team. Let us enroll you and ourselves, in the Class of Nuke 'Em High!

Garbage Day! This week we tackle the holiday classic that was a meme before they were invented. Eyebrows and amazing line delivery are on the menu for this very special episode of Birdhands!

What's happening in the world today? Everything and everyone has gone insane. Seems like the only answer to normalize things in the Birdhole is some Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Or Mark Wahlberg as he calls himself now. In this world disaster themed movie he plays a somewhat slow school teacher who has to try and survive some unknown suicide epidemic. Join us as we spread some good vibrations across the world as we view, "The Happening".

Final Destination is a film series that doesn't take itself too seriously. And sometimes that is just what the doctor ordered. Not every movie needs to be art. But the bridge sequence at the start of Final Destination 5 is a masterpiece. The rest of the film is really nothing special, but is the perfect way to spend some time and have a few laughs along the way. I think that most people kind of buy in to the idea that when our time to leave earth comes, it was meant to be and cannot be cheated. That could be the reason this film series is so successful. So while you are waiting for your death day, spend a few hours of your precious life with us in the Birdhole watching this weeks movie, Final Destination 5!

Are you ready for Freddy? We sure are. It is a new year and a fresh start to make all our dreams come true. Last year was a Nightmare even Freddy could not have dreamt up. This film was the first in the franchise that I saw in the theater. The success was at its peak and this movie was a reflection of that. The energy of "Dream Warriors" is gone and Freddy is now not really a menacing figure. More of a game show host with the prizes being special effects sequences. And while all the effects are top notch, there is not much heart in this movie. It feels like a safe copy of all the previous entries. Part 3 still had new elements and story ideas where this seems built around the kills. And let's all face reality, a dog pissing on Freddy's grave is the worst way you could bring him back. Very lazy writing. I don't understand how that got green lit other than thinking the audience are chumps and will accept anything. Even as a ten year old I laughed at it. But we can put that aside for now as we get into our winter time Snuggie's and watch, "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master"

It's me Billy! Actually it's Birdhands who is making those obscene phone calls and living in the attic. But we are still ready to watch a Canadian horror classic for the holidays. Black Christmas is the original slasher movie and is not given the credit is deserves. Usually "Halloween" is cited as the film that launched the splatter craze. And while there is not much in the way of splatter and gore, there is mood, atmosphere, and suspense. Join us as we celebrate, Black Christmas.

Is Gremlins a Christmas movie? Is Gremlins a horror movie? Is Gremlins a comedy? Gremlins is all of the above and more. Combining old school story telling with top of the line special effects of the mid 80's you get a timeless masterpiece of cinema. Yes it's true! We are watching a good movie this week on Birdhands. Prepare to go back in time when you wanted a Mogwai for Christmas and got a Popple instead. A classic that still stands on it's own two feet, but is better with Birdhands.

Sorry Jack, Birdhands are back! The truth is we never really left. We are confined to the Birdhole and decided to dip into some more sequels to keep us and you entertained. The Child's Play franchise is really a hit or miss group of movies. The good thing is that even if they are not great films, just seeing the artistry that went into bringing the doll to life makes them worth watching. They dump the suspense from the first film and go full on Chucky for this entry as it seems that is what the audiences of the time wanted. And who are we to complain. So grab some Jack in the Box and curl up with us on a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace as we watch...... Child's Play 2!

This week on Birdhands we go back to the future, or is it the past? Maybe we should just jump on top of our van and blast the Beach Boys as we car surf down the main strip. I don't think we could handle that amount of excitement anymore. But what we can handle is a healthy dose of Michael J. Fox and werewolves. So this week won't you join us as we get sent back to the good old days of 1985 as we watch Teen Wolf!

Halloween 6 is one of the strangest movies ever made. The fork in the road where you try and go a different direction but his a brick wall. They easily could have just forgot about the whole mystery man in black story and rebooted the franchise, but no. They doubled down on a losing hand and lost everything. For this to be the last appearance for Dr. Loomis is a real shame. For years people thought that the studio interference during this production was the reason for it being so messed up. The Producer's Cut  was rumored to be vastly superior and fan's were dying for an official release. But sometimes things are better in the theatre of the mind than on a DVD. Join us today as we judge for ourselves.

Every day is Valentine's Day in the Birdhole. But today we choo-choo choose you as our special someone. We have some chocolates and flowers that are almost as old as this movie with your name on them. This overlooked slasher film is more than a Canadian tax write off. It has some of the more creative kills you will see in a horror film from this era. So put on a red dress and a gas mask and be My Bloody Valentine!

This week we salute our first responders with the story of the most disgruntled ambulance driver of all time. Friday the 13th Part 5 has to be seen to be believed. So seeing it is our 100th episode, we are going to do just that. Jason Voorhees may not be in this one but I like to pretend it is. Join us as we have a candy bar and some enchiladas as we watch "A New Beginning".