Film Pigs Movie Commentaries

The Film Pigs are back with a brand-new movie commentary! This time we’re watching the classic 1979 sex comedy “10” starring Dudley Moore and Bo Derek. What’s super exciting about this commentary is Todd and Skelton are watching the movie with actor Rad Daly, who played Dudley Moore’s son in the movie! Thanks to Blake … Continue reading Commentary – 10 (1979) → The post Commentary – 10 (1979) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

It’s finally here! The END of the Summer of Seagal! This time, it’s a commentary for CODE OF HONOR – a movie where Steven Seagal plays some guy who kills people for some reason. However, in a surprise twist, Seagal seems to be wearing some kind of backwards ball cap instead of his standard-issue do-rag. This … Continue reading Commentary – Code of Honor (2016) → The post Commentary – Code of Honor (2016) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Summer of Seagal plows ahead full steam with a commentary on The Asian Connection! Two dumb bank robbers run afoul of Seagal’s criminal empire and they have to do something for him but really end up stealing money from him and he gets angry and Tom Sizemore has a story credit but does not … Continue reading Commentary – The Asian Connection (2016) → The post Commentary – The Asian Connection (2016) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Film Pigs are Oscar Mike with a brand new commentary! With fellow Pig Stephen Falk missing-in-action, it’s up to Todd and Skelton to cowboy up and finish the mission. But this latest Seagal direct-to-video mumble show is a relentless enemy and no man escapes unscathed. Once you’ve finished this commentary, have a listen to … Continue reading Commentary – Sniper: Special Ops (2016) → The post Commentary – Sniper: Special Ops (2016) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

It’s the first new Pigs movie commentary in a long, long time to feature all three pigs! And how do we choose to celebrate this special occasion? By sitting through the Will/Jaden Smith starring, M. Knight Shyamalan directed AFTER EARTH! It’s the timeless story of a rich movie star using his influence to get a clunky science … Continue reading Commentary – After Earth (2013) → The post Commentary – After Earth (2013) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Remember when the Film Pigs said we’d do a commentary for Commando? We lied! We did a commentary for the Director’s Cut of Commando! Yes, there’s a director’s cut! No, we don’t know why, either! But none of that matters because Todd and Skelton are joined once again by David T. Cole of Previously.TV and … Continue reading Commentary – Commando (Director’s Cut) (1985) → The post Commentary – Commando (Director’s Cut) (1985) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

It’s just doesn’t feel like the holiday season unless a lunatic Ray Liotta is trying to kill you on an airplane! Celebrate Christmas with Film Pigs Todd & Skelton as they settle down for a screening of the 90’s disaster-thriller TURBULENCE! Get yourself a mug of nog and sync up the commentary with the movie … Continue reading Commentary – Turbulence (1997) → The post Commentary – Turbulence (1997) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

TV’s Todd and Not TV’s Falk sit down to enjoy the bizarre treat that is Gremlins 2. Half way through the movie they lose interest and start going through Falk’s “Movie Diary” which is a list of everything he saw in the theater since 1990 (and each entry includes who he saw the movies with…listen … Continue reading Commentary – Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) → The post Commentary – Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Get your ass to Mars! The Film Pigs are back with a new alternate commentary for the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic TOTAL RECALL! Given the super-dull remake, this exercise in 90s over-the-topness is a breath of fresh air (Cohaagen!). And by “air” we mean a preposterous storyline, ludicrous blood-squib violence, a truly impressive amount of scene-ending … Continue reading Commentary – Total Recall (1990) → The post Commentary – Total Recall (1990) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Film Pigs did not hit her! We did not–oh, hi, you guys. We did not see you there. What are you doing up here on the roof, just sitting with the football and thinking? Ha ha! That is so great! Maybe later after we are finished working at the bank we can get all … Continue reading Commentary – The Room (2003) → The post Commentary – The Room (2003) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Happy holidays, everyone! It’s a Christmas Miracle! The Film Pigs round out 2011 with a treat that’s sure to please everyone: a commentary for the marginally holiday-themed Bruce Willis classic, Die Hard 2! Or, as it’s known in the Philippines, the UK, and on USA video boxes – Die Hard 2: Die Harder. Because nothing says … Continue reading Commentary – Die Hard 2 (1990) → The post Commentary – Die Hard 2 (1990) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Happy Halloween everybody! The Film Pigs are proud to present another holiday-related commentary, this time of the classic flesh-eating sequel Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever. The movie so full of fever, they had to use the word “fever” twice. So you don’t forget there’s some kind of fever. Pay close attention to the snacks in … Continue reading Commentary – Cabin Fever 2 (2009) → The post Commentary – Cabin Fever 2 (2009) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

“So, it’s about this guy who escapes from Hell and goes on a rampage to save his granddaughter from some guys and he drives a car all over the place. It’s CRAZY!” “This is another Nic Cage thing, isn’t it?” “He’s attached, yes.” (audible sigh) “But William Fichtner‘s signed on to play a supernatural accountant!” … Continue reading Commentary – Drive Angry (2011) → The post Commentary – Drive Angry (2011) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

“Thanks for taking this meeting. I’ve got a great movie for you. We take Nic Cage and Ron Pearlman, send them to Eastern Europe for a couple months (Ron’s already there, it’s his off-season from Sons Of Anarchy), and have them run around as knights from the Crusades escorting this hot girl in a cage … Continue reading Commentary – Season Of The Witch (2011) → The post Commentary – Season Of The Witch (2011) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Here’s a curveball: the Film Pigs do an alternate DVD commentary for a movie they absolutely LOVE*. We do an admirable job of actually talking about the movie instead of quietly watching or just reciting every single line as it’s spoken (although some of that is involuntary, like breathing or growing nose hair). Joining us … Continue reading Commentary – Caddyshack (1980) → The post Commentary – Caddyshack (1980) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Some kids grow up wanting to be a policeman, a fireman, or an astronaut. Not Dieter Laser. He looked at the state of mad scientism in the world and said “NEIN!” Frankenstein’s monster was great and all, but the creature was missing two critical elements: somebody attached to his butt and face. Herr Laser corrects … Continue reading Commentary – The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009) → The post Commentary – The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The second in our Holiday Season 2010 double-feature, Retardead is a more-or-less sequel to Monsturd. The mad scientist who created the poo creature from the first movie is back, this time injecting mentally challenged people with a serum that eventually turns them into zombies. Again, as far as gross/offensive premises are concerned, this is right on … Continue reading Commentary – Retardead (2008) → The post Commentary – Retardead (2008) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Good News: In the spirit of the holiday season, the Film Pigs bring you TWO commentaries! Overcome with the joy and love that accompanies the annual celebration of rampant consumerism (and Jesus!), we felt the need to give something back out of the simple kindness of our hearts. The Bad News: The two movies … Continue reading Commentary – Monsturd (2003) → The post Commentary – Monsturd (2003) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

In 1995, a terrifying vision of a possible dystopian future was unleashed into cinemas (or, more likely, a limited number of  Blockbuster Video stores). In this impossible-to-imagine yet almost-frighteningly-real world, troublesome students who can’t decide whether they want to be moody goths or lunkheaded stoners are banished to the Animal Room; where they are allowed … Continue reading Commentary – The Animal Room (1995) → The post Commentary – The Animal Room (1995) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Good Lord, where to start on this one? The Wolfman is a big-budget remake of a classic horror film that incorporates all of the slow, clunky nonsense of the original and adds a tired Anthony Hopkins, a strangely non-compelling Benicio Del Toro, that computer-elf guy from them nerd movies, and Emily Blunt’s sideboob. The end result is not quite … Continue reading Commentary – The Wolfman (2010) → The post Commentary – The Wolfman (2010) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

There’s nothing more refreshing than a big Hollywood movie with a plot based on sound science. Since those don’t exist, the Film Pigs watched The Core instead. We’re not sure what was more astounding: the Space Shuttle crash landing in the LA river (which could TOTALLY happen), the amount of people per square mile that … Continue reading Commentary – The Core (2003) → The post Commentary – The Core (2003) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Have you ever wanted to listen to a commentary for a movie where Chuck Norris plays an on-the-edge Chicago cop who wanders around Israel looking for a demon who looks a lot like, but isn’t, Michael Ironside so he can stab him with a magical staff topped with a baked potato after defeating him with … Continue reading Commentary – Hellbound (1994) → The post Commentary – Hellbound (1994) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Law Abiding Citizen is a movie so engaging, so socially relevant, and so masterful in its execution that Todd had to buy the Unrated Director’s Cut Blu-Ray edition so he could see it in all its pristine glory FOR THE THIRD TIME. Todd has a terrible problem, but we’re not sure the Pasadena Recovery Center … Continue reading Commentary – Law Abiding Citizen (2009) → The post Commentary – Law Abiding Citizen (2009) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

A new decade brings forth new life challenges. For the Film Pigs, this means sitting through the stupidest movie from the previous decade. It’s hard to quantify just how monumentally stupid G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is, but with a running time of two hours, there’s plenty of time to try. Based on the … Continue reading Commentary – G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) → The post Commentary – G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

It’s a Christmas Miracle! The Film Pigs return to make everyone’s holiday season a little brighter. And what better way to celebrate the Christian / Jewish / Muslim / Pagan / Pastafarian season than with a movie about a homicidal Santa Claus? Answer: THERE IS NO BETTER WAY! Silent Night, Deadly Night takes us back … Continue reading Commentary – Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) → The post Commentary – Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

You missed it. You demanded it. And now you have it: the first Film Pigs commentary in almost a year! Who would have thought it was possible to procrastinate so long on a money-losing hobby? If you love dull, corporate movie adaptations of dull, corporate novels for teen girls then have we got a treat … Continue reading Commentary – Twilight (2008) → The post Commentary – Twilight (2008) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Happy holidays Film Pigs fans! In keeping with our marginally adhered to tradition of Christmastime-themed commentaries for the season, we bring you P2. It’s a story of thrills, survival and impossibly perky cleavage. Set in a strange, alternate-reality New York City where the streets are barren after 6pm and people actually apologize for acting like … Continue reading Commentary – P2 (2007) → The post Commentary – P2 (2007) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

M. Night Shyamalan’s first R-rated movie! M. Night Shyamalan’s first R-rated movie! Those were the words that sent people to theaters in – what’s the opposite of “droves” – to experience some stupid thing about angry plants making people walk backwards before killing themselves. And Marky Mark as a science teacher. We know he’s smart … Continue reading Commentary – The Happening (2008) → The post Commentary – The Happening (2008) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

At the dawn of human civilization, there was this guy who hunted giant cartoon mastodons, was chased by prehistoric man-eating ostriches, and totally fucked up this pyramid. He did this because some other guys kidnapped his girlfriend…and the guy who owned the pyramid made everybody think he was a god or something…a disembodied Omar Sharif … Continue reading Commentary – 10,000 BC (2008) → The post Commentary – 10,000 BC (2008) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

It started out as a simple joke. A ribald suggestion that three grown men sit through a movie clearly assembled by soulless corporate executives for tween girls and their sexually frustrated fathers. What followed was an hour and forty minutes of Technicolor horror brighter than the light of a thousand exploding suns. Plus, Jon Voight … Continue reading Commentary – Bratz (2007) → The post Commentary – Bratz (2007) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Swayze. Elliott. Boobs. Few words encompass the greatness that is American cinema more than these, and few films possess all three qualities at once. Road House is such a film. Join the Film Pigs as they relive the wonder of a late 80s action masterpiece, complete with all the mullets and pleated pants one could … Continue reading Commentary – Road House (1989) → The post Commentary – Road House (1989) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Film Pigs just can’t get enough of that charming Shia LaBeouf! This time he stars as an impulse-control challenged and slightly pervy teenager under house arrest in this modern take on Hitchcock’s classic Rear Window. Major difference: Disturbia has a flaming bag of dogshit that is noticeably absent from Hitchcock’s version. Not that you … Continue reading Commentary – Disturbia (2007) → The post Commentary – Disturbia (2007) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Film Pigs spread holiday cheer with this very special DVD commentary. Snatched up in the festive shopping madness at Burbank’s finest Kmart, marvel as the Pigs learn the true meaning of the holidays while they triple-fist booze and make inappropriate remarks about Famke Janssen. Truly, a Christmas miracle! Asbestos cookies! (IMDb) SPECIAL NOTE: Instructions … Continue reading Commentary – Christmas Fireplace (2007) → The post Commentary – Christmas Fireplace (2007) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Normally this would be where we make fun of the movie’s tagline – something like “Transformers: Their War. Our World. Complete Waste Of Your Time.” – but holy f*ck, this thing is so dull it saps strength even after its running time concludes. Somehow, a movie has been made about giant robots covered in sharp … Continue reading Commentary – Transformers (2007) → The post Commentary – Transformers (2007) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Having secured the coveted early spring release window, one would have thought 2007’s The Reaping would have become an instant classic. I mean, you’ve got a gritty biblical horror starring Academy-award winning actress Hilary Swank who last wowed audiences in 2004’s “The Bourne Supremacy” – what could go wrong? One thing is for sure: if … Continue reading Commentary – The Reaping (2007) → The post Commentary – The Reaping (2007) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Combining the subtle nuances of “The Fast And The Furious” with the drum-tight structure of “Timerider”, Torque feels much longer than it’s running time of 84 minutes. Some people might consider that quality filmmaking – others might use it to interrorgate enemy combatants in secret prisons. Either way, Torque’s timeless message is clear: motorcycles are, … Continue reading Commentary – Torque (2004) → The post Commentary – Torque (2004) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Holding a fake movie audition in order to find a new wife seems reasonable enough – I mean, how else are you supposed to meet women? MySpace? Unfortunately for the Film Pigs, our guy forgets the cardinal rule of dating: Never pick up the girl with fetishes for needles, piano wire, and keeping mutilated guys … Continue reading Commentary – Audition (1999) → The post Commentary – Audition (1999) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Crank is quite possibly the best movie ever made about a guy injected with a lethal dose of poison who goes on a rampage against his enemies but takes time out to bang Amy Smart in front of a crowd in Chinatown before falling to his death out of a helicopter. No one with any … Continue reading Commentary – Crank (2006) → The post Commentary – Crank (2006) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Norris! The Film Pigs celebrate the season with the festive holiday picture “Invasion U.S.A.” With the fierce demeanor of an indifferent koala, Chuck Norris saves America from the poorly-thought-out machinations of a Soviet terrorist and his band of extras from “The Warriors” with an empty, massive-stroke-like gaze and … Continue reading Commentary – Invasion U.S.A. (1985) → The post Commentary – Invasion U.S.A. (1985) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

What Halloween would be complete without an awkward video-game-to-movie translation? Watch in horror as a concerned mother deals with her child’s terrible nightmares about a town called “Silent Hill” by putting her daughter in the car and maniacally crashing it into a town called “Silent Hill.” For some reason, this makes the child run away … Continue reading Commentary – Silent Hill (2006) → The post Commentary – Silent Hill (2006) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Ah, scenic Europe. The Old World charm, the cultural sophistication, the endless barrage of titty and gore. Truly, this is a Very Important Movie with a Timeless Message. That message: everyone in Europe wants to brutally murder anybody under 30 who’s wearing a backpack. They’re especially interested in poorly drawn characters of 2-dimensions or less … Continue reading Commentary – Hostel (2005) → The post Commentary – Hostel (2005) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

No pun intended, but being a gay cowboy is really hard. Especially when you’ve only got a couple of camping trips to try and generate some kind of meaningful relationship with a guy who mumbles worse than Brando. Seriously, can anybody understand what the hell Heath Ledger is saying? Was it just a big misunderstanding? … Continue reading Commentary – Brokeback Mountain (2005) → The post Commentary – Brokeback Mountain (2005) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

To call this movie ham-fisted would be an insult to the depth and subtlety you get from ham-fistedness. From its opening scene, Crash blunders through an endless series of tired racial stereotypes and preachy clichés like a fat kid in an oversized pair of moon boots, ultimately concluding that everyone on earth is not only … Continue reading Commentary – Crash (2004) → The post Commentary – Crash (2004) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Film Pigs sit down with S.E. Hinton’s classic tale of cuddle-prone and generally shirtless street punks on the run for the self-defense murder of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog model. Hugs! (IMDb) SPECIAL NOTE: This commentary is for “The Outsiders – The Complete Novel (Two-Disc Special Edition)” DVD – not the theatrical release. Special … Continue reading Commentary – The Outsiders (1983) → The post Commentary – The Outsiders (1983) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

Is it just us or is “Pottersville,” the version of Bedford Falls where George Bailey never existed, the most AWESOME PLACE EVER?!!! It’s got neon lights, dance halls, and titty bars galore! For some reason George thinks life is better without those things, which makes him a douche bag. Pay attention to how much EVERYBODY … Continue reading Commentary – It’s A Wonderful Life (1946) → The post Commentary – It’s A Wonderful Life (1946) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

For a movie called “Saw,” there is an alarming lack of “sawing” – of arms, legs, heads, wooden planks, trees, anything. However, there is plenty of terrifying acting from Carey Elwwwwwwes, who spends most of the movie in a life-or-death struggle with his accent. Plus, there is the obligatory pointless twist ending that paves the … Continue reading Commentary – Saw (2004) → The post Commentary – Saw (2004) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

We are going to hell. Which should be more fun than watching this movie. The Bible is really confusing. (IMDb) TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD). The post Commentary – The Passion Of The Christ (2004) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

There is a moment in this movie where an indignant Will Smith berates Eva Mendes for criticizing his job as a “date doctor” by making the point that women are too stupid and shallow to recognize the true qualities of a man. Therefore, men are justified in crafting elaborate lies in order to falsely win … Continue reading Commentary – Hitch (2005) → The post Commentary – Hitch (2005) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

And you thought previous performances from DeNiro and Stiller were embarrassing. The Film Pigs stagger through the most contrived screwball-family-comedy-barely-disguised-as-an- excuse-for-poop-jokes movie starring actors whose performances used to matter. Lifetime gross: $279 million. Why, America? Why? (IMDb) TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD). The post Commentary – Meet The Fockers (2004) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.

The Film Pigs learn an important lesson about the environment in an action-thriller-blockbuster that, after a great first hour of destruction, combines the excitement of a summit on global warming with the pulse-pounding adventure of Dennis Quaid walking! In snowshoes! (IMDb) TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 … Continue reading Commentary – The Day After Tomorrow (2004) → The post Commentary – The Day After Tomorrow (2004) appeared first on Film Pigs: Podcasts, Web Shows, Scotch.