Join a ragtag group of adventurers as they try to uncover the plots of a secret cult with mysterious motives. The Order of the Rising Dawn kidnapped three of the party and wiped their memories. They were released when one of the Order's members defected, but had no clues as to why they were taken, or that the Order had intended to do with them. Once they found their feet, in an unfamiliar part of the world, they vowed to learn what had happened to them, and to stop the Order from hurting others. This podcast updates weekly.
Jared goes through the main plot points of the campaign so far, skipping the group's shenanigans. This is an excellent way to catch up if you'd like to skip our group's chatter!
May 25, 2022 ZxZk gives Qixi some information on dream infiltration, Iolanda gets a haircut, Calree has a confusing conversation with Balas Tawn, and the other two try to stop the Order from spreading shit She smells like piss? We're DONE stop recording! That's all we need That's why she's so popular. Because she smells like pizza?!? Can always dream? No, I can work hard and obtain what I want. That was a pun there. You're welcome. Demons have winter's light company parties You! Shenanigy-anne You're the more responsible of the two of us Am I? Yeah, yeah I am. This is my stirring quill Do you get something from this? It feels weird. The sandstorm was right outside bitch! That's a fucked up story, but you like it so I like it Is anyone else supremely uncomfortable with just how familiar Iolanda is with very dangerous people? It's a rat battle! INSECT PEOPLE WANTING TO FUCK PLANTS
April 25, 2022 Plainswalker babysits, Iolanda shares moments with Cyrel, and everyone else plays cards I feel like I have to go back on this plan because I can't. I just can't make Iolanda sad. Listen, we're not going to teach the children ACAB, okay? It's the first half of the sex number That was implied. I learned that word from Qixi! Wow. Straight to the T word. Okay. I mean, he's batshit crazy, but aren't we all? If I sound like that in 40 years just shoot me.
April 18, 2022 The party finishes their cruise and goes to see an old acquaintance. You shouldn't be on fire around gasoline! Are you mythbusting your own religion? Am I going to see something?!?! Just gently titpats herself Or you turn your back to the gods and i can teach you how to do chin ups I made a statue naked today. Assorted babies! It's a gnomkia Are you thinking of proposing to Mina? NOOO Insight check. The nice thing about people like us is that you can fine other things to believe in.
April 11, 2022 The party tries to complete their mission to change a statue, but there are complications. Quotes: That's my bag of sac holding. Why don't wizards farm? Cone of Nope. We know just enough of the rules to bring it to the table as a negotiation. The bones of the earth, cracking their joints If you can drop your weapon you can drop your pants! Fuck the gods. I will give you a tingle. Anybody wanna jump off a cliff looking at these two?
April 04, 2022 The party takes a day cruise to the statue they need to modify. Quotes: This doesn't taste like a chicken or a pea I'm just gonna trust you guys to not know what you're talking about When we're talking about clucky sometimes I tune out a little bit. Why? He just looks so tasty… Statistically speaking your last meal is probably going to be jerky. What about what I said says that? No need to double down if you're already tripling down! You forgot your own prank! Calree we don't gotta talk. It's liquid. It's LAVA! The Order of the Rising Dawn ain't shit. Iolanda! Throw money at the problem again!
March 28, 2022 The party investigates the mysterious digging in Brzara's warehouse. Quotes: I thought you do my laundry No! I've never heard of an eyebrow toupee before If you make me eat poop, I will turn you into a slug. Me too and I don't even know that spell. ZxZk if you kill my rat I'm gonna kill you. You think we should break that thing moving boxes? The crane? No, a crane is a bird. Leave him one pen, but there's no ink in it. It's not actually rum raisin, it's rum and anxiety This don't taste like a chicken or a pea.
March 21, 2022 The party receives more quests in the form of dreams! Quotes: Iolanda is introducing Calree to the concept of spoofing a phone number You personally trust her, and she's fucking a criminal so… Thundertwerk! Criallto doesn't give a shit Who's gonna pull pranks with me and be my best friend? I don't really know what the word means, so you're probably right. I tried to take a book away from her and she growled at me. I sweep these motherf*cking floors every day… I'm gonna need a sound clip of that. You… did not say my name I'm pretty sure I said son of a bitch at one point that night. The only thing that matters is that I'm right There are poisons that go deep enough that they can not be cured. That's not the way…the spell is listed. That guy… Did you call him a bitch? Yeah… Good. Some of these popsicle sticks were sucked on by nearly a god!
March 14, 2021 The party continues to work on the play and get an update from Hiram on what the Order is up to. Quotes: Who is the bisexual woman? I don't think that's the proper use of the word prank, but okay. You could never go into a portable hole You could never masturbate. Honey, I'm a succubus. Disgusting is still tasty. That's like a really big compliment from Plainswalker that none of us heard. “Yes that's my name!” She just awkwardly shifts away. That's alot of smiles… Nat one! You are contractually obligated to smite on a crit Oh right, I forgot she's your sister. I think it was to make a name for herself Just pick a name! I do it all the time! He's not a magician! Maybe we should just- Kill? I was going to say kidnap! And relocate!
Feb. 28, 2022 The party finishes up at the party and goes home, Armmina is visited by a demon in her dreams. Quotes: Feb 28, 2022: Genital Networking Should I also be networking with my…genitals? Why are those letters there? Who put those there? And it was me. What could a scheming demon possibly get up to in seven days? I was sort of expecting a full on sex ramage through the city, so i think harrassing Iolanda for a few hours is probably a little less detrimental than that. I'm talking about you go away. Character-wise you threw this baton to me, absolutely he's picking it up, but Sarah. I'm sore, I'm tired, I don't know what's going on. I'm not going to defy any of her orders, unless she decides to be a bitch about something. Cowboy angel! Cowboy angel! Cowboy Angel! I can't pass two persuasion checks in a row!
Feb 21, 2022 The party summons a demon for rich people and then they all try to enjoy the party. Quotes: What do you think a pig's tail is made of? What's your girlfriend's name that has an ear fetish? I'm tiny, what do you expect from me? I am the lost daughter Anastatia. They're a trust fund kid driving their Ferrari at 200 miles an hour.
Feb 14, 2022 The party processes what Armmina learned and then tries to go to sleep, but they're met with an unexpected surprise. Quotes: Any character at this table, at any time, can be played by Danny DeVito Who do they work for? Who do I work for? Iolanda. Catch these dreams, motherfucker! Never know when fortune is going to drop in on you! I assumed you would have clothes the next time you chose to do so. Flaccid if you will. I won't, in fact. Fuck you Elliot. Can I roll insight on my fire? Both the lights have gone out. Please change the lightbulb. When Filomellionar reopens his DMs he's gonna get slaughtered. All of our toxic traits are coming out this session. Calree is channeling her own mother right now and she will hate it as soon as she realizes it. The shoulder pads on this power suit, man- she- You weren't even close to saying moon. If I see any slugs I will step on them.
The group sends Armmina into Mirdan Esto's dreams, but find that she isn't the only one facing danger. Quotes: That's the safe word: bubblegum You say a lot of words that have no meaning to me and I just kinda roll with it. I don't plan on putting my faith in her, I plan on putting my dick in her. I was going to say use your powers for good, but I know you're not going to do that so…pick your battles. No, no, we're not talking about the stack So if we're talking about the stack Noooooo, we're talking about the stack. Armmina says to get a drink with the boys, because we're doing things. Nothing suspicious. This ritual has Clucky in it. You can't trust it! This just in: angry woman burns down Crialto temple! Just stir the risotto every three minutes. I am a literal demon. Yeah, well, don't burn the rice, literal demon! Not in my house! I believed in you. Obviously I was wrong.
Jan, 31, 2022 The party makes a deal with Riiyzbth, trying to summon a "friendly" demon. Quotes: We all made that sound with different facial expressions He gets in the mug like a hot tub You're supposed to be a father figure here! I got a 15 for ways you can emotionally abuse… It's eight in the morning…. If Plainswalker knew what a suppository was he'd be suggesting you try it on Zxzk Do we know mold earth when we're earthworms? Is she in jammies? Rolled a 19 for immediately falling in love with her Are you sure he's not a dream? Girl, I know you're dumb but you know what spiders are. What's a zebra? It's like a horse that decided to get fancy How blood works? Well it's like orange juice except instead of an orange it's you.
Jan. 24, 2020 The party scatters and learns various things in the city. Calree goes undercover, Plainswalker gets a new ambition, and the party gets a new member.... Quotes: Just like fanfic of the bible is better than the bible He's the healthiest corpse I've ever seen. You're just begging to get burned by a devil if you say that. You have the most things out of anyone And the worst memory That's a 17 on deception And we aren't there to burst out laughing at that bold faced lie. Clucky would love to be in a cock fighting ring! The previous winner won on a 17 out of a 16 number grid. If you put the numbers back to back that's a 25. It is only legally defined as slashing damage She said he was the only one to pass her tests Tests being murder… I just love jumping jacks How would you feel about him being punted? I don't mind it.
November 22, 2021 The party checks in at Calbarro and Iolanda gets her script. The rest of the party finds out what they can do to help. Quotes: So you can be bought so easily can you, interim GM? I'm so hilarious all the time that I can't always remember Too smart! Too smart! Moron idiots are doing this! She rolled a 17. I don't know what that means because I didn't decide beforehand. Who wants demon steak for dinner? I'm very proud of you That's weird. I just run a kabob shop! You're doing a real good job Dragging out a word that has two syllables does not make it two words Is she coming in too? Once she stops being a big monster. Lucy just bloodied Iolanda, again. That's a top quality butt sex joke. Can't do it nonverbally, gonna scream. I am darkness Alright. Let me do my spitball No, you spit! Over Iolanda's shoulder. What's your height? Under Iolanda's shoulder. Not with papa Plainswalker around!
November 08, 2021 The party finishes their fight, and discovers something about themselves along the way. Quotes: No shirt, lots of dirt! Qixi chose the best option. She doesn't have to be subjected to poetry anymore That's a good catch- argh! Wait! No! Did she catch it with her boobs of missile catching? If I fall asleep here I'll wake up with no pants and dicks drawn on my face. Calree will have done that. You healed and I'm proud of you It's less of an attack and more of a mating dance Eleven doesn't hit your AC if you're naked on stage. He'll go down however you want You're in the timeout square I have a punch card! When you die, can I take your eyepatch? Please don't buff our enemies in the middle of combat, even if they're hot. Qixi! Drop it!
October 18, 2022 The group has trouble getting back into the swing of things after a small break from playing, but it's still a good time. Quotes: Quick! Someone introduce yourself! He will keep talking as long as someone is laughing, and Jas is gone. Halflings have hairy feet, but I don't think they have hair anywhere else. I googled it. We are decidedly fuckups Like a giant vagina? We don't fuck with poets
October 04, 2021 The party continues to weather the magical sandstorm blowing through the streets of Am-karrak. Quotes: Armmina, they're playing your song. It's only undiagnosed because you missed your final appointment to get it diagnosed. You forgot. Are there any battle ready corpses in the area? The sand was really scared for 6 seconds. JERRY WHERE'S THE SAND? DESTROY THE CHILD. Someone in a tavern somewhere wants a drink! It hurts inside your skull brain, that's the top of your flesh envelope. A little to the left? I would like to cast shade? It's a free action, unless you're a bard. I whispered to Matt "MOVE ARMMINA AWAY FROM ME." PORCELAIN JIZZ YOU SLEPT WITH 50% of HIS GIRLFRIENDS! I open the flesh envelope, and a skeleton appears. What happens to an envelope after you take the letter out?
September 27, 2021 The party tries to survive a sandstorm that brings more than its fair share of troubles. Quotes: Shut Jared up before he does something that gets him in jail again! I'll help with the prank! Fifteen? It's better than a nine Mathematically, yes. Just for the readers at home And for me, because I did not do my homework Those bells are a bit loud, aren't they, mum? Yeah, I'll see ya tomorrow. Nooo! To describe Iolanda in a word, willing would not be inaccurate. Ex-fucking-scuz-you? The horse broke its moorings. Wait, are you rolling at advantage? Why are you rolling at advantage? …because you just said I could? I will cosplay as the eyeball and get stabbed with a spear 100%..... My wife is looking very much in concern right now. Will Wheaton exists, guys!
Iolanda tries to understand the ways of the business world while dealing for her ring.
We aren't stopping, just slowing. As covid tears through our workplaces and family emergencies crop up our uploads may slow, but we'll still try to get them out as we can.
September 13th, 2021 The party steps into existentialism and self-care. No quotes. Listen and see.
Sep. 06, 2021 The party meets and deals with Marna Derripal. Quotes: Nun with a gun That's four more pupils than me, I think Ah, so we're keeping it in canon that I fucked up That was Qixi like, “Ah, that's fucking depressing, let's leave.” Turn around! She's changing! She's behind a screen. He is the lord of enjoyment, of entertainment, and of…skin, I suppose. Even she wasn't happy to say that one. I have to interject because I've been holding back my snarky comments this whole time! You're real good at brooding Calree. For Mirdan time may be running out.
The conclusion of our Winterslight activities. Iolanda and Calree take place in a competition to see who can become snow royalty.
Calree & Iolanda get into the Winterslight spirit by catching up with old friends!
Iolanda invites Calree back to Labsallidas where they enjoy the festive season with loved ones. Quotes: Because your editor loves you “Do the icicles ever fall and impale people?” “Sometimes she pranks herself.” “You don't like pranks now Calree?” “What if I dared you to do it?” “Oh, I should've done the tail…” “Yeah.” “Babe that's a time of day.” “Does he have a planter box or something? I'm very small.” “It's a beautiful home alone type of mindset.” “STEALTH” “Smart person romance novels.”
Plainswalker gets lost both generally and in his thoughts.
Armmina and Chris celebrate Winterslight with a renewal of vows and some shooting
Aug. 30, 2021 The party tries to break into an unsuspecting woman's room. What could go wrong? Quotes: (pending)
August 23, 2021 The party gets distracted setting up an unlikely pair and then plans for their heist into Marna's apartment. Quotes: Give me ample time to calculate the time difference between these two planes How do you intellectual a feather? Heaven Savings Time? Is that a thing? Time is a construct Do you want to date a feather? Wonder twin powers activate!!!! I have been told that's called a brain I'm hungry all the time HEy! Hey ANGELS! Guess what? Your mum's a bitch Don't worry Chris, we'll “Take care” of Marna. Some people have ugly souls Do you want to arm wrestle
August 16, 2021 The party tries to sort out other people's problems. Plainswalker discusses life with a love interest, while the rest of the party tries to wrangle a baby. Quotes: He's not my brother. No, he's the same person! Goodbye! Thanks for not killing us! Tidepod challenge? It's very easy to eat them! They're quite small. New York, home of the croissant. You can punch ghosts? Yes! But it's difficult, but so rewarding I ain't gonna sit on you Calree What's a party? …oh no. I'm just sitting here thoroughly amused that y'all both forgot I've got prest-a-digi-fucking-tation How many students peed on your head? You don't chew the food? I thought that's what makes it different from drink. She's got a fucking point. This baby's first word is gonna be fuck. Now you won't stink you stupid baby. Calree's like, “I don't know how straight people work!” Get abducted with us
Aug. 09, 2021 The party confronts Dr. Otto about his practice. Maia's mic didn't work this session. We did what we could, but sorry for oddness. We will be taking a brief upload hiatus until November 1st. See you in two weeks! Quotes: I wanna see if this guy's gonna throw down if we harass him. It's not gonna stop me. To quote Qixi, “The word beige.” He's a weeb! Being angry is bad, right? No. I am trying to get him to hug. ...is the most disgusting form of deceit I've seen. I feel like scooby doo right now No offense to warthog people. Are there any here I can't see? When you think stuff does it hurt? There's a lizard in my brain?!? You don't believe in lizards at all? I'm gonna roll a persuasion check for puppy dog eyes I'm not a bedmaker Matt has not yet clued in to the fact that this was his character from a one shot.
July 26, 2021 The party tries to harass a Doctor, but they need to get past his secretary first. Quotes: Gods don't bleed… bitch. Let's cut a bitch and prove he's not a god! Undoing things with you guys is difficult. Gods can't untie knots. Magic school bus y'all! Mushrooms are full of soldiers. I just created a religion bitch. Are those orphans… okay? I do dumb shit guys! How can you have children with a dick that small? Brain Fuck! Be more selfish Iolanda! Did you just prank me… for years? Lemons are pointy? Look, just go in and see the quack. My thighs are much larger than yours.
July 20, 2021 The party tries to take their minds off of their encounter with Mr X. Quotes: It's been a while and Maia forgot to take any down, so you only get the two I remember. Does anybody wanna fight....then maybe kiss a little? I'm here for fighting, the kissing is optional. How optional?
July 12, 2021 The party brings back their prisoner, but hits a large roadblock. Quotes: This desk, was there a bowl on it? Little, red, clay bowl? *In unison* Was there? You ever heard of a cockatrice? I've heard of the first part of that word. We charge nothing for our services usually. Yeah….. Plainswalker's gonna kiss him. Threatening's not working! People don't wanna thing, Qixi, it's hard! I also look like I'm carved out of ivory, thank you very much. Bezzal's crown got mad at it. Why do you talk to your sword, Iolanda? Calree, your butt gets hot. He's 20 feet tall?!? I missed that part of the description! That's a dumb sentence. How can I be smarter than I am? You gotta hit high guys! Guys? You are the only one attacking. That's weird Iolanda. Why did you do that, Iolanda? Tala why are you getting yourself involved with people?
July 5, 2021 Pt 2 The party "frees" a prisoner for Mr X. Quotes: You never plan or read your spells for the thing we've been planning for over a month both in and out of character? That's a gnome! No, it's a dwarf. Look at how much bigger it is than the other minis. It's regular Amkarak wear. Pointy hats and all. They're the finest apples this side of Sal Al Marice. Roll me a nat20 They're going to think that this poor guy is going crazy because of the shardlands. Shit! Our horses are gone! Gnolls ate our horses! I just rolled two nat 1's. I get advantage on initiative. I don't want to roll I've been having poopy rolls. Do you know that place? Yeah, it's got the stone usses out front. Gnolls! Get em! NO! LEAVE THEM TO DIE! We are going to kill horses with the amounts of apples we need to buy. This is fine, this is fine, this is fine! CAUGHT BY THE BEAR TRAP.
July 5, 2021 PT 1 Qixi's paranoia continues, Calree officially becomes the smartest person in the group this session. Quotes: Fuck off, right now, get out of here. Who's someone else at the table? It's fine, I have a backup character! "I refuse to edit this session.” - Jasmine… who edited this session I was prepared this time! Hungry hungry gnolls. What does ant meat taste like? Know who you are Matt. Literally everything is suspicious, including Iolanda's cleavage. Everybody likes a can of snakes right? "I don't want to make anybody feel bad…” “Aww… that felt good.” Zk, I gotta go, I have stuff to do with destroying a cult and freeing some guy from the police. I'm going to turn you into an ant with thumbs. I'm not sure I deserve an apple. I would never become a vigilante that would go around killing cops.
June 21, 2021 Pt. 2 The party fights gnolls and the desert before continuing toward their heist. Quotes: *Far too many ant puns* I really hope the wizard doesn't go crazy before our mission. Roll initiative Fusing it into a dark glass….that shrieks. I do not want to arouse the sand. It's how the world works, everyone is against us, including us. She's smote before! I got in a slough. I as a player sortof expected it because you're paranoid and insane. You boop the snoot! Which is a pass Sure it is. I give you inspiration because this is the second time you've nat twentied an object that's doing nothing. You do 15 damage to sand (
June 21, 2021 The party finishes preparing for their trip into the Shardlands. Quotes: It's shaped like a UFO Yeah, that's a d10 I need to come up with a way, in 25 words or less, to convince him to give me the recipe for drow sleeping draught. Don't make that sandwich. I think it's a bomb. You know gelatinous cubes? One of those you can eat, and it tastes like fruit. You put the ketamine in the turkey! It's like a pill pocket! It's a giraffe hobgoblin They're fancy! They're from rich, vampire fucks! You know friend? Yeah! About yea big? Pretty good at arm wrestling… You also made jokes about Sol dating Mr X. That's not a joke. That's a plan. This is my whispered guess into the microphone.
June 14, 2021 The party goes their separate ways for a short downtime. Calree tails Hiram, Qixi investigates new spells and the shardlands, Iolanda talks to everyone, Armmina finds religion and has a date. TW: Parent trauma, baby death (Hypothetical) Quotes: You remember those random innkeepers that our cats are named after? I want to wait outside the bathroom. You're better at following than lying. I almost said the DC in that. There's always fancier hats. The step did it, like it's okay until you move back out of range Wet willie his hand? What exactly are you trying to do with this blood? Insight! 9! Ghosts have blood? He doesn't want to see just any bimbo wrestle in jello, he wants to see THIS bimbo wrestle in jello! She got distracted by Oath stuff and forgot what they were talking about. The dick becomes a heart
June 07, 2021 The party tries to plan out their heist. Quotes: “Well, why don't we just do one thing at a time, because I can only focus on so many things at once.” “Snitches get stitches.” “It's fine we won't get caught.” “I am a master of disguise.” “Everybody has seen me as a girl, everybody has seen a lot of me as a girl.” “She's learning to come to her name though!” “Yeah I'm sure she is.” “Wanna grind out a level real fast?” “It goes without saying but Iolanda would also like to flirt in her downtime.”
June 07, 2021 The party splits up for some downtime. Quotes: “Do not go breaking laws willy and or nilly.” “I would never--” “You're still in zone of truth.” “--I would!” “Where'd I get this crushed bell?” “Do you have a note keeping section for your deals?” “Jared almost did a spit take!” “Mira's old and doesn't understand play.” “Sarah looks indignant that her body would allow herself to get hurt.” “I thought you already slept with someone in this city, y'know the prostitute?” “Oh, well that was a business transaction.” “Have a goooood night.” “I wish you both well on your performances!” “Now I have all the time in the world, strangely enough.” “I know when I'm being lied to.” “That was Jasmine saying no, not Calree.” “It's not the only back door I've been let in today.” “Do you know anywhere that serves a lot of meat?” “I've never had anyone say it's small…” “Oh no! Not the shrimp shits!” “She full on killed first level Qixi.” “This city doesn't have beds that can hold up to a fucking barbarian?” “There's no beds in the forest, they don't just grow on bed trees.” “When the idiot sound pedantic.” “Also you can stop making me cry whenever you want.”
May 31, 2021 The party finishes their pit matches and then go into the night. Quotes: May 31, 2021: You'll find that a 9 is less than ten. It's not a pick-up line, it's an explanation! That's just what her voice sounds like! Damnit, I thought I was flirting with a hot chick and now I'm getting lessons in meteorology. Jasmine's quoteline is, “I don't want to kinkshame, but ew.” I paid for blood You're not gonna octopus me? Is this trash talk? It's trivia talk, it's better! This is fun. You guys are using all your spell slots on carnival games. Rosé it goes with nut shots I know that no one has said that before, but it slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. Maybe it's not you that needs to change, maybe it's the environment. Congrats, Calree, your mentor has seen your tits.
May 24, 2021 The party goes to fight at Mortisa Bare'em! Quotes: “I love pickled beets.” “You're probably better qualified to be a Police Officer than 99.9% of Police Officers” “There's a song about the names of the Province's and what they are from left to right” “That's not hard to remember, there's ONLY 10 of them.” “All of the cops that we've dealt with are dwarves.” “Also, the bathroom in there has GOLD GLITTER.” “They're just smoking the… whatever in the woods… somewhere?” “They're HIGH ELVES.” “Robin's FACE!!” “My microphone was ON THE FLOOR!” “THUNDERDOME!” “Strip laser tag!” “The cubbies are quite sizable, like a morgue, you could fit bodies in these cubbies.” “She doesn't have a navel, she has a navel orange.” “He can keep up with his hands in his pockets, oh my god, she's going to kill me.” “I…uh… dub thee Thunderclap?” “You could be t--t-the INFERNAL LEGACY. ROSE COLOURED INFERNO.” “When he heals someone… when he uses his healing touch… he needs to kiss your feet?” “I mean, I guess I just created my first character, and I wanted to be something weird, so… I made a Human Fighter.” “It's been in his mouth… has it been washed?” “Well... it was in his mouth that counts as cleaning right?” “I CAN REROLL ONES!!!!” “Do you think she was flirting with me to distract me?” “He might have to get creative if he were to fuck a gnome.” “There isn't a point where more magic is a bad thing.” “He's a Delf right?” silence… “A Dwarf Elf?” “My Octopus beak is NAKED!” “Now he's into tentacle porn.”
May 17, 2021 May 17, 2021: Cat and Mouse The party makes deals with the kingpin Mr. X, sinking further into Am-karrak's underbelly. TW: infant death mention - hypothetical If we agree to this, and we get caught, we're on the shitlist of the Guardsmiths. If I hold the mic up, they can see my mouthing words. Iolanda is also fine with torture. Have I seen the picnic biters? Since it hasn't been mentioned this session: a ten is a pass. You can assume that there is always spit on Plainswalker's hand I deeply enjoy disrespecting magic. It's canon now, Qixi counts cards. I rolled an 18, on insight, on the love question.
May 10, 2021 Iolanda performs for a secret organization, while the party runs into troubles of their own..... Quotes: Calree's fighting the narrator now. I feel like Calree's pranks have taken a turn… A turn for the murderous. Audience participation! Nevermind, it's a bad idea. I'm not good at it! We can't just get a free clip of someone clapping and edit that in? Thanks for the wink everyone. Just one at a time, all around the table. I didn't know that pastries would figure so heavily in this episode! I have a knife, and a will to take slashing damage. You're doing a great job, but I just think we should hand over GMing to the pastry chef. Moral of the story: keep Calree busy. Cats like cream, cats like mice, put your hands together. You want a demon I can give you a demon, but you won't like it. Why am I under a sheet? Ah, umm...I'm not gonna explain capitalism to you. Fuck you for putting the image of wool underwear in my head.
May 03, 2021 The party supports Iolanda as she repeatedly gets naked. Quotes: Am I carrying you one on each shoulder? Or, are we like, stacked? I'm pretty sure “amok,” is how you run? Hey, I have modifiers to perception too! They're negative, but I've got em. If you wanted to control how we advertised, you should have been here. My whole tactic for fitting Iolanda is to buy stretchy fabrics That's the high int character! It's okay, we probably won't end up fighting anyone after dealing with the shady organization. She got real scared of chickens, I aint' sure she's gonna like you as much as a ghost. What weapons are people bringing to a public establishment? I have a lot of bones I have fewer balls…. *seething whisper* whoever is editing this episode, know that we are all uncomfortable. There's no reason for us to not go have a drink! *noise of frustration* Can I start a chant? What do you do with your heart after it's felt? Okay. You guys let the two sentimental ones get into a fake relationship with each other… I'm very proud of myself for not making any faces. Can we get back to stripping? I hate that I have never had issues with revolving doors and now that you have mentioned it… Do you wanna be a triceratops? Yes. Yes I do. We're either having a nice, quiet evening, or I'm gonna Motley Crew this bitch. Don't scratch the floors! Can you scratch marble? I dunno, all of my houses were made out of, like, dirt.
April 26, 2021 The party meets with a PI about their struggles, then finds a tattoo parlor. None of them are ready for what's waiting for them when they return from their errands. No quotes! We're funny, but our editor was tired.
April 19, 2021 The party wakes up form strange dreams and discusses their disagreements from the night before, along with some new developments. Quotes: Can Everybody be in the mafia? Then what are they mafia...ing? There she is. That's so much worse than fucking a horse! Yes, please just fuck a horse. All we've seen manifest Motherf*cker is blowing up your own followers Iolanda posts a divine twitter post like, “I really wish I had someone to talk to…” You saw it with your sight? Alright, you know that sentence sounds a little weird, right? That's like saying, “I heard it with my hearing.” Good morning! Oh… I've forgotten all of your names. Why would you proxy through Virginia? Can I roll a check to see if Plainswalker can...think? Why would you want to take your clothes off in front of someone who reminds you of your mother?
November 16, 2021 The party has coffee with an old friend of Armmina and gets some new leads toward the order. They also get some perspective on one another. Noteable quotes: “Qixi is his weighted blanket” “Oh I have a theory about those secretaries but I'm asleep right now” “Sure, you can be anxious I don't care.” “It feels oddly familiar, while still having no familiar points about it.” “Suddenly I don't want a TimBit” “I'm gonna have coffee with a Lizard Man.” ‘Fire ants...spicy right?” “Qixi I'm wrong a lot.” “I know, I'm well aware.” “It sounds hard being smart.” “It's really not actually. It sounds hard being dumb.” “It really ain't.” “They say he's better at looking under a rock than a bug, and you know bugs live under rocks.” “I thoroughly believe that you should never take help from anyone ever.” “Um, help is okay sometimes.” “Wow, you got Qixi to admit that it's okay to get help sometimes.” “You speak sensically...sensibly...You speak good.” “When you expect the worst, anything seems pleasant by comparison.”