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Which of Kentucky basketball's point guards is the best? On today's episode of Locked On Kentucky, Lance Dawe discusses Rob Dillingham as possibly being the best point guard the Kentucky Wildcats have. Statistically, he's the best overall scorer and distributor, and also seems to thrive in the chaotic offense Kentucky runs the most. However, there is clear value that both Reed Sheppard and DJ Wagner also bring, of which cannot be understated. Wagner's defense is the best of the group. Sheppard's shooting is the best of the trio. But Dillingham, although he wasn't initially projected to be, looks like the most well-rounded guard the Wildcats currently have. Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors! LinkedIn LinkedIn Jobs helps you find the qualified candidates you want to talk to, faster. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com/LOCKEDONCOLLEGE. Terms and conditions apply. eBay Motors With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers. PrizePicks Go to PrizePicks.com/lockedoncollege and use code lockedoncollege for a first deposit match up to $100! Daily Fantasy Sports Made Easy! Gametime Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONCOLLEGE for $20 off your first purchase. FanDuel Score early this NFL season with FanDuel, America's Number One Sportsbook! Right now, NEW customers get ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS in BONUS BETS with any winning FIVE DOLLAR MONEYLINE BET! That's A HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS – if your team wins! Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
From an early age, women are taught to be vigilant, to be hyper-aware of their surroundings, and to never be alone. Statistically, women are more likely to be victims of violent crime than men, meaning there's always an additional target on their backs. However, the best tool for self-protection is not always a weapon, but instead, one's situational awareness. Damsel Director with Damsel In Defense Nancy Abercrombie discusses the mission behind her organization, as well as the services it provides. She shares how she was inspired to spread the message of self-defense, and later provides safety tips and ways in which listeners should listen to their intuition. Damsel In Defense is an organization that works to educate women on the ways in which they can defend themselves when exposed to danger, while also empowering them to possess the confidence they need in order to do so. Follow Emily on Instagram: @realemilycompagno If you have a story or topic we should feature on the FOX True Crime Podcast, send us an email at: email@example.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The Pokémon starters all have their own unique traits to help them stand out. But what would be the best starter to use in each region for those who prefer a casual playthrough? Eric starts a new miniseries where he analyzes the movepool of each Pokémon starter to see which one would be the best to use in each region, starting with Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn! Join our Discord server: https://discord.gg/9uqjdD Follow our Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/geeks_crossing/ Follow EmantheLegendary on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/emanthelegendary Follow NUCLEARBACONZ on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/nuclearbaconz Follow cryptolockgames on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/cryptolockgames Follow karrotbyte on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/karrotbyte Intro/Outro done by BKNAPP: https://bknapp.bandcamp.com/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/geeks-crossing/support
Guest Bios Show Transcript https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNHswz5yZ-M Clergy sexual abuse is one of the most devastating forms of abuse, impacting almost every area of life. After surviving abuse like that, how do you recover? And after being preyed upon by a powerful church figure, how do you recover your agency, your voice, your life? This edition of The Roys Report features an unforgettable session from the recent Restore Conference, and one of the most raw and vulnerable talks you'll ever hear. It comes from Lori Anne Thompson, a victim of clergy sexual abuse by one of the most powerful men in evangelicalism for nearly 40 years—Ravi Zacharias. But even before Ravi, she experienced the pain of abuse by her father. And then, after becoming a believer, the pastor who had become a father figure to her used his position to extort money from Lori Anne and her husband. Statistically, Lori Anne should be a shell of herself. But anyone who knows Lori Anne knows her as uncommonly kind, extraordinarily bright, perceptive, healthy—and truly, one of those people whose presence in your life just makes your life better. She has walked a road no one should ever have to walk. And yet, through that process, she's learned the keys to not just surviving abuse and trauma, but how to thrive after abuse and trauma. The voice of abuse survivors is too often missing—and silenced—in American evangelical churches and ministries. Lori Anne has a vital perspective as a survivor and healer, and she's distilled decades of experiences and wisdom into this riveting 52-minute talk. Guests Lori Anne Thompson Lori Anne Thompson. RKin, MA, is a survivor of clergy sexual abuse who now seeks to serve the survivor community through selective speaking, extensive writing, and in her role as an intake specialist at a survivor-centric law firm. She graduated from Queens University, Canada, earning a Bachelor of Science Kinesiology and a Master of Child Advocacy & Policy from Montclair State University. Learn more at loriannethompson.com Show Transcript SPEAKERS Julie Roys, LORI ANNE THOMPSON JULIE ROYS 00:02 Hi, I'm Julie Roys, founder of The Roys Report and the RESTORE conference, and you're about to see a video from Restore 2023. Alot of conferences charge for videos like these, we've decided to make them available for free. We've done that because we don't want anybody to miss out on this valuable content for lack of finances. But of course these do cost us money to shoot and to edit. So if you're able we'd really appreciate it if you consider donating to The Roys Report so we can continue this important service. To do so just go to JULIEROYS.COM/DONATE. Also, I hope you'll make plans to join us at the next RESTORE conference, which we'll be announcing soon. As great as these videos are they pale in comparison to being there in person. As one speaker commented this year, RESTORE is more of a restorative community than it is a conference. And every year that community just grows deeper and richer. And so I hope you'll be able to join us at the next RESTORE. Be watching for that. And in the meantime, I hope you're blessed and encouraged by this video. LORI ANNE THOMPSON 01:11 The survivor community is a community that I was born into. It's also a community I never ever wanted to be part of. 100% of those of us who have survived any kind of abuse did so in a social structure, where the despot has ruled the day. Where the power dynamic was as tangible as what it was invisible. Where dominance and subordination or submission have been the typography of our tyranny. The Oxford Dictionary in the Oxford Dictionary, tyranny is defined as cruel, unreasonable, or arbitrary use of power or control. The work of Dr. Judith Herman has informed so much of my understanding. and she writes this, and I quote, “The rules of tyranny are simple. The strong do what they will simply because they can. The weak and vulnerable submit, the rule of the strong is enforced by violence or the threat of violence. Violence does not have to be used very often; it merely needs to be effective when it is used.” 02:22 In faith communities, we not only have the threat of violence by our earthly offenders, who seem all powerful and deeply omnipotent, but we also have the ever-present threat of the Almighty himself. The rules of tyranny are as systemic as what they are systematic. They are as pervasive as what they are predictable. In contrast, the survivor community is meant to be based upon principles of mutuality and reciprocity, a safe shelter for people who have been pillaged, where they should have been protected. And a place where people should be fed when they have been eaten. Juxtaposed to those who offended against us, overwhelmingly, we are a group of courageous overcomers. We are not a group of losers. But we are a group who have suffered catastrophic losses. I regularly have the privilege of interviewing survivors who are seeking civil justice. And the single hardest question that these people have to answer in that interview is this: what, what are the damages to your financial, personal, physical, psychological, professional, sexual and spiritual life? It is easier to make a list of what's not been damaged, about what remains, because across domains, life is radically altered when you've been touched in any way by abuse. 04:09 Some of us may have encountered abuse for the first time as adults, but a much higher percentage of us have encountered abuse as children. Those are called Adverse Childhood Experiences, and they result in a sequela a staggering sequela of negative outcomes that compound and complicate life in adolescence and adulthood. In the 1990's, Dr. Vincent Felitti, and his team at Kaiser Permanente did the original or foundational a study, and they elucidated–they surveyed I think it was 17,000 people–and they elucidated 10 factors that if any one of them happen in childhood, that can cause a deformation of the person and personhood and personality of individuals. And they include sexual, physical and emotional abuse, physical and emotional neglect, parental separation, parental incarceration, parental substance abuse, domestic violence and/or mental illness. Later on in the Philadelphia study, not surprisingly, the concept of childhood adversity was expanded to include community violence, racism, foster care and bullying. The earlier and more protracted all this, (I'm gonna bleep myself) happens, these adverse experiences happen, the longer and later the outcome, the adverse outcome stay. And a score of four or more puts survivors at risk of a 12-fold risk of suicide. So, check, check, check, check, check, depression, substance abuse and a laundry list of extensive poor health outcomes that last well into adulthood and often lead to early death. It's an abysmal picture. For those of us who have encountered abuse across a lifespan, a significant percentage of us have never told a soul. Rather, we have suffered and suffocated in silence. Sometimes, sometimes people don't even tell themselves. 06:26 This is a very leaky business. Research done by Baylor University, I met Dr. Pooler yesterday, it was a privilege, informs us that those of us who have survived clergy perpetrated sexual abuse as adults, they know some facts about folks like us. The average age of onset is 30. So much for being vulnerable, not being vulnerable past the age of 18. With an average duration, and this is staggering to me, of four years of abuse. Like that's staggering. A whopping 65% of us had unprocessed trauma, and a further 62% of us, were being counseled by the very person, the clergy member who abused us. Only 9% of us report that the church supported us after we disclosed. And 80% of us report that abuse negatively impacted our relationship with God. More recent research that's not been published yet reports that 40% of clergy adult sexual abuse survivors have post-traumatic stress disorder. Man, I tell you, I wonder why, wonder why we have PTSD? Anybody? It might just be that those of us who have decided to disclose and sought any form of public justice have each had our own public crucifixion. Silence looks like a very attractive alternative in the face of that. We have watched strangers and friends alike gamble in person or online, as our private hell is hung in public humiliation, as we are mocked, and lied about when we were the ones who were lied to. Most of us can recall the hollow thud of our frames when our limp bodies collapse in exhaustion and when we dragged ourselves away from the side of the evangelical religious road and waited to die. We can taste the trauma, the disorientation and the bewilderment of telling the truth only to labelled a liar. The cruelty of incomprehension as we asked for bread not only to be given a stone, but to have stones thrown at us, to be told to sit down in silence while our offenders rise to speak for standing ovations. 09:21 It is grievous. It is right to grieve, it is also right in this moment to breathe. Can you join me? Can we do it again? One more. 09:46 That was then, and this is now. And I'm about to enter into what is the beginning of my end and so if that hurt, I would ask you to find a space to ground yourself because this may hurt more. It hurt for me to write it may hurt for you to read. I have written a brief narrative, one that is as gentle as I could make it. One that leaves out as many details as possible, yet still provides a cogent narrative for you to understand that when I met Ravi Zacharias I was already destroyed. 10:38 I was sired by a sexual predator. I am the child of a child molester. I was my mother's last child and I thought I was my father's last child too until several years ago, I found out that he sired his last child just before he died. That child was born to a child. She took her first breath five months after his last. I was two when my mother and my oldest sister fled the home. Myself and my two remaining siblings were left behind with him. Consequently, my home life was transient and tumultuous. Poverty pervaded my life across domains. My siblings and I regularly endured rage fueled physical assaults by my father, on more than one occasion, that led to unconsciousness. My father had a partner in his crimes, my stepmother, who also perpetrated verbal, emotional, physical, sexual abuse, at times that came close to torture. Polyvictimization in my home hung as heavy as the daily dose of secondhand smoke. Shame, spurning, starvation, medical and physical neglect were commonplace. These abuses are too overwhelming to number or even to name, but they included control of consumption of food and drink, control of urination and defecation, a regimen that did not resemble human hygiene, sexually abusive bathing practices, denuding and dehumanizing and defeminizing that include mandatory dressing in full coverage masculine clothes, which was always excessively hot in summer and wholly inadequate in winter. It seems to me that all oppressive regimes seem to engage in the practice of the shearing off of hair of their victims. Month after merciless month I sat in the kitchen where she and I silently sobbed where my any traces of tresses would fall to the floor. I was formed and fashioned entirely by the will of others, and I rarely, if ever expressed a will of my own. My older remaining sister disclosed my father's savage sexual abuse of her and fled the home when I was 10 years old. She was 13. Once again, I and my remaining sibling were left behind. My father confessed to his crimes, attempted suicide twice, went to jail for nine months and returned home rehabilitated. It is difficult to breathe when your father's shame hangs around you like secondhand smoke. I was in a toxic family and with no choice but to inhale or die. I did both with each breath. 13:47 Upon his release from incarceration, he turned his abusive intentions towards me — sexually abusive intentions. I could not fathom how an adult would want to have sex acts with a child. I still cannot. After a particularly salient incident, I asked him why he had sex with children. I like many others thought that if a man had a wife, he would not sexually offend. I can still see this moment, the traumatic tableaux as he leaned against the table, the kitchen table. He was a massive, he was an immense man, and I can feel what I felt as I stood by the door ready to run to literally nowhere and no one, knowing full well, the futility of fleeing, but ready to flee anyway. And in a rare moment of clarity, and maybe the only honest thing he ever said, he told me that his predation was not about sex, it was about power. I was twelve. 15:06 Judith Herman says, “Repeated trauma in childhood forms and deforms the personality which how trapped in an abusive environment is faced with the formidable task of adaptation. She must find a way to preserve a sense of trust in people who are untrustworthy, safety in a situation that is unsafe, control in a situation that is terrifyingly unpredictable, and power in a situation of helplessness. Unable to care for or protect herself, she must compensate for the failures of adult care and protection with the only means at her disposal – an immature system of psychological defenses.” 15:48 More Kleenex. Thank you for being patient with me. It would be harder if I didn't feel this, or easier, sorry, if I didn't feel it so much. I understood that if I were to survive, I would have to protect myself from the one man who was supposed to protect me. I tried really hard for three more years and he tried harder. But the time I left home at 15, I had a perfect ACE score of 10. It was a perfect score. And my perfectionism began early. I left with life in a cardboard box. And I never looked back. 16:28 He was arrested for child molestation for the second time, and he learned from his first go round that the nearly universal act of predatory denial. This time he was acquitted because it was my word against his. And there were no traces of his trauma on my person. Many children many abuse children, says Judith Herman cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom without question, but that they will grow up with major impairments in cognition, self-care, in a memory, and identity and the capacity to form stable relationships. I had them all. My father was released from prison, but I was not. As an adult, I was repeatedly revictimized by men in places of power and fiduciary duty, men that I both dearly loved, and deeply trusted. I married when I was 18. Because he asked and I couldn't say no. And I had my first child at 21. Her very existence some of you may relate to this, awakened in me an anguish about my own childhood that can only be described as infinite and touching absolutely every area of my life. It was an earthquake, the birth of something beautiful, someone beautiful showed me that I was vulnerable too. The desire to protect her, nurture her, care for her and rip limb to limb anybody who would bring her harm, evoked rage for my own inner person. I was entirely unequipped to handle that the doors to the past that the present had opened. I knew I needed help. But I had very little in the way of resources. 18:34 That's when I turned to the evangelical church, who offered me cost free help. I had no idea how costly that help would be. Rightly, they proclaim good news to the poor, comfort to the brokenhearted, release for the captives, and liberty for those who had been imprisoned. I was poor, and I sure was brokenhearted, I knew everything there was to know about captivity. And they said that all who hunger and thirst for righteousness would be filled. And I was starving. 19:24 In the early days of belonging to the so-called Christian community, my own father died and it's that time that a door to a deeper darker world was open to me and I was adopted as a spiritual daughter of the lead pastor, who, and I had regular therapy sessions with him, I was diagnosed by him, and he was the treatment. I came to believe that the sum total of the Christian life in those early years was crying. I thought that, I was told and in some ways it's true, that tears will tarry, but joy would come in the morning, and it looked to me like night would never end. It was in the same community that I later met and married my current husband of 18 years. It was also there that the same pastor committed egregious spiritual abuse and financial malfeasance against us and other members of the congregation. And you know this but attempting to hold a much beloved, high powered pastor to account is an invite in catastrophic sequala of betrayal trauma as experienced by us, but as theorized by Dr. Jennifer Freyd, that includes a series of events that is defined by DARVO: denial that anything happened, attacking the victim in reversing the victim and offender dynamics such that the real victim is thought to be the offender agent of Satan, and the real offender is being victimized. Some of us have been DARVOed to death. 21:13 All of this happens, astonishingly, institutional cowardice is committed in the name of Christ. Perhaps truer words were never spoken by Dr. Judith Herman when she said, “In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the purpose or perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim, and if he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens.” No one listened. Very straightforward. Highly successful campaign. We were shunned and shut out of our Christian community. Before we had at least the hope in Christ. Now all we had was the harm of those who called upon his name, and not too much remained. It was in this context that I met Ravi Zacharias. 22:15 When I came forward when this story went public in 2016-2017, life as I knew it, anything that was beautiful, collapsed in what can only be described as a protracted private and public catastrophe. Virtually no one believed me. I could hardly believe myself. I was globally vilified. I lost my home, my occupation, and nearly my life itself. Years of days were filled with night. My only confidants were my therapist, and my lawyer, and in times of really intense moments, they still are. Justice was a joke, and so was hope. The steady drum of those two people's sanity helped me to save mine. I had no faith or hope left so I had to borrow theirs. In time, their belief and trust in me helped me to find a measure of belief and trust in myself. But there would be many years of nights before dawn would ever come. I and my husband took one step forward only to take at least 10 steps back. It took forever to not lose ground. It took even longer to gain any. C.S. Lewis said of wrong some can be made right, but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it cannot develop into good. Time does not heal it the spell must be unwound bit by bit with backward mutters of dissevering power or else not. It's in recovery that we go back to the source of the error. And we work it a fresh from there. 24:18 Lainna said yesterday that we have to look back to move forward. Lena, I want a statue of that duck wherever you can find one of those. She was completely right. 24:34 For the time that we have remaining, I want to talk to you about the stages of recovery. The architecture of empowerment, and the route to resilience, even as each one of us has our own path and we'll take divergent paths forward. Are y'all ready for that? Okay. I want to say this as a caveat and no I didn't add this after I heard Lena speak. Although I was born into an abusive and nonnutritive environment. The simple fact that I'm a white, heterosexual female endowed with a backpack of privileges, that my fellow survivors who are part of marginalized groups, and races and cultures simply do not have. I was clever as a child compulsively compliant, and I had a quiet disposition. Some of those things have changed. 25:26 Even then, I had an interest in human wellbeing that was higher than my low estate. I had a lot of words, which I was not permitted to use, nor was I even permitted to think them. I was able to attend school, and eventually church. And those two things were a reprieve for me. I was watchful, which helped me anticipate some of the storms and take shelter, but whenever possible, these were compensatory mechanisms for me, you will have your own. 25:58 Another breath. On your mark, get set, here we go. 123, inhale, hold it there, exhale. Let's do it again, shall we? I need this as much as you do. On your mark, get set, go, inhale 123. And exhale. Feel your butt in your seat. Feel your feet on the floor, put your hands in your lap and your head on your shoulders. You have a body and it's good. 26:33 Okay, recovery is defined as the return to a normal state of health, or to regain the possession or control over something that was stolen or lost. That definition hits home. For many of you the road to recovery will be a pathway to recover what was. You remember a self before this, some of you. For me, recovery has been a pathway to collect what wasn't. I'm not saying it's better or worse. I'm just saying it's different. I have a big bee in my bonnet about empowerment. And this might sound ranty, so hold on. Dr. Judith Herman again says, “The first principle of recovery is empowerment of the survivor.” I'm going to say it again. The first principle of recovery is empowerment of the survivor. “She or he must be the author and arbiter of her own recovery. Others may offer advice, support, assistance, affection, and care, but not very, very importantly, not the cure.” Others are not the cure. “Many benevolent and well intentioned attempts to assist the survivor flounder because this basic principle of empowerment is not observed. No intervention, (I say it again), no intervention that takes power away from a survivor can possibly foster recovery, no matter how much it appears to be in his or her immediate best interest.” Empower, to be empowered is to have capacity and control. To have autonomy, which means I am me, I'm not you, and have agency which means that things I do matter in my life, I can affect change. It's not sufficient for you to do for me. It's wholly insufficient. We do for toddlers. Even in toddlerhood, that's how children learn. It also means to engage in critical thinking rather than being told what to think. That means we have to flex our thinking muscles. And I don't know your story, but I know mine. And I was not permitted to think, but I also didn't even know how to think. And so even when I became a Christian, I was really happy for other people to think for me because they must be right. That has to stop if we're going to be a people who are empowered. We need to seek information and not be given a steady stream of advice. When I'm in a hurry, I will drop a piece of advice. And when people are also in a hurry, I'll do that. But in general, I will only provide resources and information. We can't have other people chew the meat for us. We have to learn to chew ourselves. I'm deeply concerned and don't mind publicly saying it that I'm very concerned about the dynamic that I see developing in the survivor advocacy community. I fear that we are absolutely without question recreating the celebrity culture from whence we came. 30:03 People speak of their, this drives me crazy. Oh, you can tell I'm feeling empowered. People speak of their helpers as if their helper is responsible for their healing. That is bullshit. You are responsible for your healing. You are not responsible for your hurt, which also many people aren't going to tell you you're responsible for your hurt. You are not responsible for your hurt, but you are responsible for your healing. No one person is the cure. And anyone who says they are, big circle around that person, big circle. There is no question that we need advocates in public spaces. But critically, we need to learn to advocate for ourselves. We need wise helpers. I'm all for wise helpers. And they're essential to recovery. The wisest helpers are those who can and will do with you and me, but not for. Wise helpers should not give you the answers. They might ask you questions. They should help you find the answers for yourself. 31:33 Empowerment is so central to recovery, that if that fails, recovery will not ensue. Empowerment is not a one and done. It is a process. However, there are stages to recovery. Carson alluded to that. He didn't know how well he was cueing me up. He really demonstrated his recovery journey for you. Thank you, Carson for embodying that, for us. 32:06 The first stage of recovery is establishment of safety and stability in the present. And I really think that many people continue to flounder because they try to go into the next phases of recovery before they are safe and stable. So you consider trauma… think of it like a train wreck, you're in a train wreck, nobody's going to get you to get up and walk when you have an open wound. That makes sense, your guts will fall out. So, for many of us, we're trying to get up and walk, some of us are trying to get up and run with our entrails hanging behind us. And we wonder why we're not well. Like that has to stop. And it took me at least a year and a half to stop hemorrhaging. Like I mean hemorrhaging. It took another year and a half just to be safe and stable. That's a long time, three years, just to get safe and stable. 33:06 And grieving and remembering is the second stage of recovery. Before we go to the second stage of recovery, let's just talk a little bit more I've got some notes and I want to make sure we talk about them. Part of safety and stability is are you safe from harm from yourself? Fair, fair point? Are you safe from harm from others? Can it the restoration of biological functions is paramount. They are the litmus test of whether or not you are in a place, a safe and stable place. Can you eat enough but not too much? Can you sleep enough but not too much? Can you move? Can you work, pay your bills, all those things? Abuse annihilates our attachment systems. I didn't have working attachment systems, but any sort of abuse, whether it's attachment system to key relationships, like Carson was talking about or workplace or identity, it annihilates our basic trust in others and also ourselves. Right? It rips apart our identity it destroys our autonomy. It really obliterates intimacy, and then it crushes initiative. Just can't do anything, you can hardly function. Trauma shatters our sense of safety in the world, and in our very selves. These things are not only fracturing, they are also formative. It takes time to rebuild a secure base. Give yourself that time. 34:36 The good news is that this is all possible. The bad news is its gonna take a lot of work. But you are people who know work; your gritty, you know how to get things done. So, we might as well put in the work to become safe and stable. People who don't negotiate safety and stability well will repeatedly re stabilize, or destabilize. 35:06 I have two young kids who remain at home still we have four in total. I birthed three of those suckers and I got one for free. And they're great, they're amazing. My youngest daughter is 14. She's amazing. She just started high school in Canada. And that's a big deal, because you go from like grade school to high school and they're wearing school uniforms. And she made the high school basketball team. Yeah, proud mom. I can't hit the broadside of a barn. But you know, she's my kids are athletic, which I'm really grateful for. And so, my husband likes to coach from the bench. Nobody else has that problem, I'm sure. And I don't know anything about basketball. But I'm really excited that she's having a good time and making connections and it's part of her identity and growth and development. And so, I'm all for that. What I have learned and watched that when the girls are a new team and young, and when they get the ball, they're like panicked, like, oh my gosh, we got the ball! And then they they all run in a mad, like a mad way to get to the other end of the court and then they don't know what to do. And my coach husband beside me, I'm quiet and he is usually quiet, but something happens in athletics to men. Oh, it's crazy. And he's saying, slow down. Like, can you just slow it, slow it down! They can't hear him because he's not the coach. And then he's telling me, like I even care. He's telling me look at that kid, like there's this kid on the team and she she's dribbling, right. I can't even mimic it because I can't do it. She's dribbling, she's got her head up. And she's looking, right she's looking for what she's supposed to do with the ball. But every other girl's like they've got their head down, they've got the ball, and they're not looking up at all. But he's right. It's good advice. So, if when you're new at recovery, and you are welcomed into survivor community, but it is baptism by fire. And so when you are thrown the ball and thrown into a new team, where you have no experience, and everything's confusing, and you have this ball that you feel you need to hold the offender accountable, you need to tell the church, you need to, you know, Christine said contact a lawyer or the authorities if there's a legal or criminal thing, and that's correct. But everything else, slow down! Take the time to feel what safety looks like. Take the time to see what it tastes like. So that you can monitor and measure those metrics. So keep your head so you should be able to dribble the ball of recovery in such a fashion that you can still look around and see where things are at. 38:20 And part of dribbling the ball and playing the game of recovery, and it's not a game but it's a good analogy, is grieving and remembering. And it's really, it's making meaning out of processing metabolizing and making meaning out of trauma. None of us incurred abuse alone. And none of us will be able to heal alone. The importance of social support can't be overstated. Small, safe, homegrown support groups are really, really, important. Thankfully, there's a lot more survivor led grassroot organizations that have been cropping up now than what there were then when things happened with me. 39:02 The therapeutic alliance which I'm pretty sure we're going to hear about next is of the utmost importance. And when I say therapeutic alliance, this is what I mean. And I make no apologies for making this statement because you deserve the best, the best of care. You need a licensed, competent board-certified mental health professional. I know it costs a great deal to get good therapy. I am telling you I would not be here without it. It costs more not to. Low to no cost things are journaling, meditation, prayer, really vigorous exercise. I am in the wellness industry, I'm a health care provider. And when this all happened, I was curled into a ball for several years. I know what it feels like to feel paralyzed and not be able to move. You think that you cannot move a muscle. But vigorous exercise, there is such strong evidence to say that moving your body will help you heal. It's basic, but adequate rest, good nutrition, you are really truly worth caring for. If your children were going through a crisis, you would make sure they had breakfast, lunch and dinner and they had naps. Podcasts, blogs, vlogs, library books, there are online and in person communities. I want to give some caution and caveats to online communities. Please consider your rules of engagement. Consider them for yourself, not just what the rules of engagement of the online community are. Consider how do you want to interface What do you want to get out of this? What do you want to bring to this. And remember that online, the online world is a made-up world, really. So there are many safe secular spaces in which to flourish, and eventually to heal and eventually flourish. Don't be afraid to seek those out. 41:09 Most of us were reluctant to face the agony of abuse. I remember talking to my trauma therapist, when I first met her, and I said I'm not sure if my story is bad enough to really warrant a trauma therapist. I can't believe I don't know. But that's what I thought then. It's your choice whether or not you're going to confront the horrors of your present or your past. Nobody can or should force you to do that. We do believe that if we open up that Pandora's box of pain that, you know, we'll never be able to shut it, and it will just overwhelm our lives. I want to tell you something. That's the very thing you should do, the thing you don't want to look at. And the box you don't want to open are the very things that slowly, safely, securely in gradiated fashion. Those are the things you need to look at. Those are the places you need to go. Traumatic memories are buried alive. And grief can be really, really, really complicated by an unlimited number of factors. But grieving does come to an end, believe it or not. “Crying is alright while it lasts,” says CS Lewis, “but sooner or later, you have to stop sooner or later. And then you got to decide what to do.” 42:46 Reintegration. Reintegration to me means neither being defined by your trauma or denying it. Establishing yourself once again as an independent “I.” Who was I before this happened? Who am I now? And who's like Carson said, “who do I want to be?” Getting to know yourself, including being aware that there are things about yourself that you don't yet know. Self-knowledge is a process. How is my role changed in my family and my faith community, with my employ, compared to what it was then. How can I contribute to community of my choice in a way that's based on my strengths? And how can I live a life, some of us for the first time, how can I live a life that includes me? 43:51 This brings us to the topic of agency. Agency is not only the feeling but the actual capacity to have control over your own life. In Christendom, we're like, well, God has a plan for you, so you shouldn't have one. Crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. And in his book, Trauma, Dr. Paul Conti suggests that agency is a verb, that's something that you do rather than a noun, which is the person, place, or thing. And there's a difference between being in a car, being the passenger in a car and being the driver of the car. And one of the questions that we should ask ourselves is, “how old is the person who's driving your emotional car?” At too many junctions in my life, someone who should not have had the keys, was steering my car into seas of sorrow repeatedly. I was compulsively compliant, which essentially meant that my no was broke. And when compliance is the only possibility, consent is utterly impossible. If you can't say no, then you can't say yes either. 45:05 Abuse and abusers try to define you. Just search on the internet, there's lots of definitions of me. They take away your choice. In the process of reintegration, you actually get to choose who you want to be. The most beautiful people I know without fail, are the ones who have dug through the rubble and made something beautiful. Some of these people may live and die in insufficiency, but they have found a way to make beauty from ashes. And that is who I want to be. I was astonished to realize that with much practice and patience, I developed an intact sense of self. That was a miracle. I didn't, you know, you fill in the blank yourself, that was a miracle. And I differentiated from others. If you wanted your eggs like that, that's how I have my eggs. If you like that restaurant, that's how I'd like that restaurant. If you wear those clothes, that's the clothes I would wear. I'm able to hold my own “No,” while carefully considering what yes would mean. Many survivors negotiate their trauma in the privacy of their own lives. My entire family, they don't even know what I'm doing here. It's fine. My sisters, my mother, my brother, we don't talk about these things. It's okay. That's how they're negotiating their trauma. But there's a subsection of trauma survivors that (a small percentage of us) want to feel compelled to altruistically engage in advocacy, in some way, shape, or form. This is an altruism born of suffering. And suffering can create a need to help, and it has in me, I think I'm a helper by nature. But this has to be congruent with your life narrative, and also consistent with your strengths. I continue to seek meaningful ways to serve the survivor community, that increases my strength but diminishes my sorrow. When seeking to serve others, I looked at all sorts of options when I finished grad school. Most of them, it was kind of fun, because too many stories to tell. But most of them would leave me hemorrhaging with trauma and like in trauma with the person who's in trauma. So the last thing survivors needed is for the person who's trying to help them to also be falling apart. So there's caveats, if you decide that you're going to develop a survivor mission that is in the public sphere, one, get to know yourself, get and keep good therapeutic help. It may help you it may help you to serve others, but it's not about you. Wherever you see individuals, or organizations who are recreating the dynamic you left, it's a red flag. Here's some other red flags so you're ready. Dominance. In any culture or any person where dominance, subordination, and submission is the name of the game. Where people tell you what to think, instead of how to think, where people give you advice versus information, where people will speak for you instead of empowering you to speak for yourself, doing with rather than doing for, whose actions appear to be wholly invested in building up their platform rather than people. Don't let anybody use you that way. Remember that we're supposed to be a people of mutuality and reciprocity. While these things feel familiar, they have no place in the survivor community that we're trying to cultivate. 48:48 We have to learn to cultivate healthy decision-making processes. Y'all need to stop being so dang nice. Offenders not only tell you what they think, they also tell you what you should think too. Learning to think for yourself is worth its weight in gold, and it is a skill that takes time and practice. This is important, you will know if you have successfully navigated the reintegration process if these four things are in place. Are you ready? You are able to tolerate the symptoms that are associated with PTSD within reasonable limits. That doesn't mean you won't have them. You have PTSD, but you're able to tolerate those symptoms and you have coping skills. And that includes number two, being able to manage the feelings of trauma. You saw that I went in and out of feeling very emotional, but I managed, right?. You can call up your traumatic memories under your own volitional control and they don't control you. The memories of the event or events have a cogent narrative that you can convey if you want to, and they're importantly, and I talked to Carson about this before he spoke importantly, they're connected to your feelings. And my final comment about reintegration. And I say this with absolute care and concern for not only your well-being but my own. I urge you to cultivate a personal and private life. One that has not lived out before your abuser or your abusive community. One that honors your own humanity, protects your person and allows your roots to grow and allows you to bear fruit. 50:36 I want to talk about justice in the moral community, and then I'm going to wrap it up. The idea of a moral community is a concept wherein a group of people have a social contract, and they respect a certain moral code, a group of people in whom you trust, and you believe will have your back. It does not have to be a faith community. But very often faith communities fall into that category. For faith communities to be a place of healing, it's critical that the demand for justice in the context of the moral community must be shared by the group. We all need to be outraged. Julie asked the other day, people ask her why she's so mad. And she says why are you not mad? We all need to be outraged. And yeah, absolutely. And what Paulo Freire calls, “our just ire.” We need to get our backs up about this stuff. And we need to ask the following question, or we want to be asked the following question as well. What would it take to repair the harm? Or at least as much as possible? This requires that people listen. Universally, we want public acknowledgement of the harm universally. If the harm has been public, we want publicly acknowledgement. We want the right. Somebody asked me once, you know, how far does this apology from RZIM needs to go? And I said needs to go as far as what the damage to me has gone. 51:55 And we all want protection from others, and we want moral vindication. We want somebody to stand up and say that bastard was wrong, not her. There are roads to justice and many of you know those roads to justice, and they're probably not worth getting into. But what is required of you is required that you do justice, and that we love mercy. And mercy doesn't look like re-platforming anyone or sharing platforms of abusers. But it does look like honoring your own humanity and even the humanity of the people who have wounded you. I am speaking after two people who sought my slaughter. That fact is not lost on me. 52:59 And it also requires us to walk with humility. Humility says that although we have been wronged, we are people who are capable of wrong as well. It means cultivating a culture and a posture, not of deference, as I have heard so often, but one of gratitude. Not gratitude for the harm that you have suffered and in many ways continue to suffer, but gratitude that unlike your offender, you get to choose who you want to be. You can cultivate your character, you can nurture empathy, and you can become the person that you desperately wished that others had been for you. I spoke for the last time, I spoke at RESTORE last year in 2023. And while I'm not certain at present, I do feel I felt coming here to this conference this time that this season is coming to an end for me, which is why I had an epitaph here for you today. It's in keeping with my own core values that I didn't know I had but I now can name of equality and mutuality and reciprocity. I am going to be taking a seat and letting others speak. I've also come to know that my own person is most effective when I can pursue excellence and you deserve excellence. For me that requires concentrated effort in one domain. 54:34 Additionally, I didn't survive all of this to not really live and neither have you. Julie is going to talk to you about why not quit and I am here to tell you can. It has been a privilege to speak with you. I'm sorry I took up so much of your time. It is an honor and you have been my joy. Thank you for your absorbent listening and for bringing the weight of your pain and for bearing the weight of mine. I opened with saying that I didn't choose to be part of this community. But I close with this, I would choose any one of you any day of the week. Something rare and true and beautiful emerges when an innocent victim endures abuse and finds a way to flourish in the aftermath of injustice, and you are truly beautiful. Thank you. Read more
Statistically, Over 6 million men suffer from depression per year, but male depression often goes underdiagnosed. Men tend to fall into dangerous, self-destructive behaviors rather than seek professional help for their mental health. They may avoid or delay seeking treatment because of concerns about being treated differently, or due to perceptions that having a mental health issue diminishes their masculinity. Join us as we discuss some of the misconceptions about men and on our need for mental health treatment. Also the church's role in this. Lashanda Banks is psychotherapist who own and operates her practice 7th Wellness Counseling LLC in Alabama. She is specializes in specialize in Trauma and PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression etc. You don't miss out on the last installment of this series. Please subscribe and listen on Spotify, Apple, IHeart Radio and many media outlets.
The question? Are there only 40 ‘big Tusker' elephants left in Africa. To answer, we need to define what a big tusker is - which is an Elephant typically defined as a 90 for 100 pound elephant for one tusk. The simple answer is, nobody has data for how many ‘Big Tuskers' there are on the African continent today. Statistically speaking, though, there should be more than 40. Get the full download in less than 2 minutes in this extra short but sharp Short Truths! Support our Conservation Club Members: Shop Dog & Gun Coffee https://www.dogandguncoffee.com/ Visit Big Chino Outfitters https://www.bigchinooutfitters.com/ Hunt with John X Safaris https://www.johnxsafaris.com/ See more from Blood Origins: https://bit.ly/BloodOrigins_Subscribe Music: Migration by Ian Post (Winter Solstice), licensed through artlist.io Podcast is brought to you by: Bushnell: https://www.bushnell.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
After two starts in place of injured Ryan Tannehill, rookie Will Levis was named the Tennessee Titans' starting quarterback for the remainder of the season. In a victory over Atlanta and a loss to Pittsburgh, the second-round draft pick from Kentucky has shown a strong arm and a willingness to stand in the pocket to get the ball deep down the field. It is a skill set that meshes well with the current offensive plan, and one that the team now (apparently) plans to use for years to come. ... Tannehill, who is in the final year of his contract, is now effectively done as Tennessee's quarterback. His tenure currently consists of exactly the same number of games played (63) and starts (61) for the Titans as the man he replaced, Marcus Mariota. Statistically speaking, the difference between the two was not as pronounced as most would expect. The biggest difference was in their records. ... Levis will have to work behind an offensive line that has not consistently protected either quarterback this season. And with tackles Nicholas Petit-Frere and Chris Hubbard and right guard Daniel Brunskill dealing with injuries, it could be a backup-heavy unit that plays Sunday against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. One of those backups is Dillon Radunz, a second-round pick in 2021 who could fill in almost anywhere but never has played in a way that suggests coaches have confidence in him. ... The game against the Buccaneers is on the road, and the Titans have yet to win a game outside of Nissan Stadium this season. Is there any reason to expect this week will be different?
The Chicago Bears just lost to the New Orleans Saints in Week 9. It was another one-score game that Matt Eberflus and the Bears could not overcome. Statistically, the Chicago Bears outplayed the Saints in many ways, but five turnovers (three interceptions and two fumbles) are difficult to overcome.With only two wins this season, the Chicago Bears made a move for the now and the future. Ryan Poles made a trade for Montez Sweat, while also re-signing Andrew Billings. What does that mean for Poles' future? Does the Sweat trade mean that Matt Eberflus is safe or is he still on the hot seat?Justin and Rob break down the Montez Sweat trade and the Chicago Bears' performance against the New Orleans Saints. Did Tyson Bagent put the quarterback controversy to rest? Is Justin Fields in the plans for this Bears team or are there signs he will be dealt before the 2024 season?Head over to YOUTUBE and hit the SUBSCRIBE button to become eligible for a FREE jersey giveaway. Leave a COMMENT and hit the LIKE button too!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vKWgDhwNrk
Statistically, Over 6 million men suffer from depression per year, but male depression often goes underdiagnosed. Men tend to fall into dangerous, self-destructive behaviors rather than seek professional help for their mental health. They may avoid or delay seeking treatment because of concerns about being treated differently, or due to perceptions that having a mental health issue diminishes their masculinity. Join us as we discuss some of the misconceptions about men and our need for mental health treatment. Lashanda Banks is a psychotherapist who owns and operates her practice 7th Wellness Counseling LLC in Alabama. She specializes in specialize in Trauma and PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression etc. You don't miss out on the first installment of this series. Please subscribe and listen on Spotify, Apple, IHeart Radio and many media outlets.
America Emboldened with Greg Boulden – We spend most of our waking days focused on goals for the future or regretting the mistakes of our past. Time is monetized already with distractions. The past and future are illusions. We cannot return to the past, and the future is not guaranteed. Statistically, planning for the future is a gamble and keeps us from living our best lives and with purpose and joy. If you only had 8 hours left to...
America Emboldened with Greg Boulden – We spend most of our waking days focused on goals for the future or regretting the mistakes of our past. Time is monetized already with distractions. The past and future are illusions. We cannot return to the past, and the future is not guaranteed. Statistically, planning for the future is a gamble and keeps us from living our best lives and with purpose and joy. If you only had 8 hours left to...
The numbers tell the story. Statistically, it's nearly impossible to scale within our industry which is why so few do so. Keith Benjamin is the exception. With over 15 locations under his belt, Keith has broken the mold by systematizing that “it factor” we're all looking to achieve. In today's conversation, we discuss how to build with intention, the tools to create massive awareness, and the essential elements of a cool concept. For more information on Keith's restaurant group, visit https://uptownhospitality.com/. ____________________________________________________________ Full Comp is brought to you by Yelp for Restaurants: In July 2020, a few hundred employees formed Yelp for Restaurants. Our goal is to build tools that help restaurateurs do more with limited time. We have a lot more content coming your way! Be sure to check out our other content: Yelp for Restaurants Podcasts Restaurant expert videos & webinars
The LSU Tigers have the 88th worst defense in college football. Statistically, the LSU defense has given up more yards and points than any other defense in the history of the LSU program. It gave up 55 points and over 700 yards to Ole Miss and over 500 and 39 points to Missouri. Needless to say this LSU defense is struggling and has been all season long. But is it in the worst condition yet? LSU lost starting cornerback Zy Alexander right before halftime against the Army Black Knights this past weekend. Syracuse transfer Duce Chestnut is not with the team, Texas A&M transfer Denver Harris is inactive, Ohio State transfer JK Johnson has been sidelined with an ankle injury all season long, and freshman Ashton Stamps missed the Army game due to injury. An already thin cornerback room is left decimated, leaving only LaTerrance Welch and freshman Jeremiah Hughes as scholarship cornerbacks available as of now. Can LSU be without over half of it's CB room and still expect to beat Jalen Milroe and Alabama in Bryant-Denny Stadium next weekend? Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors! eBay Motors With all the parts you need at the prices you want, it's easy to turn your car into the MVP and bring home that win. Keep your ride-or-die alive at EbayMotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. eBay Guaranteed Fit only available to US customers. Athletic Brewing Go to AthleticBrewing.com and enter code LOCKEDON to get 15% off your first online order or find a store near you! Athletic Brewing. Milford, CT and San Diego, CA. Near Beer. PrizePicks Go to PrizePicks.com/lockedoncollege and use code lockedoncollege for a first deposit match up to $100! Daily Fantasy Sports Made Easy! Gametime Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONCOLLEGE for $20 off your first purchase. Jase Medical Get $20 off these lifesaving antibiotics with Jase Medical by using code LOCKEDON at checkout on jasemedical.com. LinkedIn LinkedIn Jobs helps you find the qualified candidates you want to talk to, faster. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com/LOCKEDONCOLLEGE. Terms and conditions apply. FanDuel Make Every Moment More. Right now, NEW customers can bet FIVE DOLLARS and get TWO HUNDRED in BONUS BETS – GUARANTEED. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Statistically as women, we struggle with feeling good in our skin more than men. Especially as mothers, the hormonal shifts of bringing beautiful babies into the world is simply guaranteed to change our dress size. We often stress out and scramble to return to our pre-baby state and loathe our bodies. But what if there was another way? On today's episode, my guest Susie Taaffe says there is another way! Susie Taaffe is the CEO and founder of Skanties anti-shapewear, dedicated to empowering women to embrace their natural form, reject unnatural beauty standards, and celebrate their unique and beautiful bodies.When Susie's marriage unexpectedly crumbled four years prior, she took life's harsh blow as a massive call to action. Suddenly a single mother with three young kids under the age of 5, Susie used her previous manufacturing contacts and design experience to turn her anti-shapewear idea into a global business. Known as Pettipants Underwear by Missy Massy in Australia, these unique undergarments combine comfort, style, and practicality, offering women a revolutionary clothing item that promotes body positivity and self-love. Her brand, Skanties, is not just an undergarment company – it is a radical statement for women of all sizes to reclaim their natural beauty and finally feel good in their skin again.Susie was named as one of the Top 30 Personalities Disrupting The Fashion Industry In 2022 and can be seen in New York Weekly, Grazia, The NYC Journal, A Women's Bible, ‘Tude Talk TV, and more.Pick up a pair or two of Skanties and connect with Susie Taaffe via:Website: https://skanties.co/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susietaaffe/Learn more about Katrina at www.yourinspiredmindset.comFollow Katrina on Instagram @katrina_manifestationmama for manifestation tips and daily inspiration, or learn more about working with Katrina here: https://calendly.com/katrinainspiredmindset/30minBe sure to subscribe so that you don't miss any upcoming episodes, and share with a friend who needs to hear this messageGet your FREE GUIDE “5 Steps to Feeling Good in the Morning”Interested in learning more about CBD and Green Compass? You can join Katrina on this CBD journey as well. Let's chat! https://calendly.com/katrinainspiredmindset/connection-callSubscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts
Ben Criddle talks BYU sports every weekday from 3 to 7 pm.Today's Co-Hosts: Ben Criddle (@criddlebenjamin)Subscribe to the Cougar Sports with Ben Criddle podcast:Apple Podcastshttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cougar-sports-with-ben-criddle/id99676
Ben Criddle talks BYU sports every weekday from 3 to 7 pm.Today's Co-Hosts: Ben Criddle (@criddlebenjamin)Subscribe to the Cougar Sports with Ben Criddle podcast:Apple Podcastshttps://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cougar-sports-with-ben-criddle/id99676
Welcome to the one hundredth episode of the #Expatchat podcast where we discuss the latest tax and financial issues affecting an #Australianexpat. In today's Expat Chat we talk about the importance of wills and enduring powers of attorneys (EPOA's) for Australian expats. When we move overseas it is quite easy to forget about what would happen to our estates should the worst occur - a death of you or a loved one in the family. However its not until you are experiencing such a troubling time that you wished that these matters were addressed beforehand. Statistically speaking not many Australian residents have wills and the number of expats we meet are even less which is cause for concern. In this episode we run through the following topics: • Do I need to have a will as a Australian expat? • Do I need to have a will in each country that I hold a asset in? • If I am a beneficiary of a will and live overseas how will this be treated? Links that we discussed in this episode include: • Inheriting assets as a expat - https://atlaswealth.com/news/considerations-for-expats-inheriting-australian-assets/ • Facebook Group - Don't forget to join our Australian Expat Financial Forum Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/Australianexpatfinancialforum • Ask Atlas - Have your questions answered on the podcast by clicking this link - https://atlaswealth.com/news-media/australian-expat-podcasts/questions-or-feedback-for-the-expat-podcast/ • Expat Mortgage Podcast - https://atlaswealth.com/news-media/australian-expat-podcasts/expat-mortgage-podcast/ If you like the content make sure you let us know by hitting the thumbs up and subscribing as well as providing some feedback in the comments below. Atlas Wealth Management is a specialist in providing tax financial planning advice to every Australian #expat. Whether you are based in Asia, the Middle East, Europe or the Americas, we have the experience in providing wealth management and planning services to the expatriate community. Atlas Wealth Management was born out of the demand from expats who wanted a financial adviser to help them navigate the tax and financial maze of living abroad as well as assisting them make the most out of their time overseas. To find out more about Atlas Wealth Management and how we can help Australian expats please go to https://www.atlaswealth.com. Make sure you connect with us on our respective social media channels: Facebook: www.facebook.com/atlaswealthmgmt LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/atlas-wealth-management Twitter: www.twitter.com/atlaswealthmgmt Instagram: www.instagram.com/atlaswealthmgmt
Statistically, every second of every day an older adult (age 65+) suffers a fall in the U.S. I did the math for you - that's 86,400 falls each day! That's 31 million falls a year - and women are falling way more often than men. But what if I told you it didn't have to be that way. Today is part two of a little mini-series, and I'm kind of doing these backwards. Last week we tackled steps you can take to make sure you don't get severely injured if and when you fall. This week, you're going to learn how to prevent falls from happening in the first place. Tune in as I discuss: Why falls happen - and why we're more prone to them as we age. The three specific areas to improve to help prevent falling. Simple exercises to start now that will help keep you safely on your feet and on the go! Don't let yourself become a falling statistic! Grab a pen and get ready to learn how to stay safe and active as you age! More Resources & Links FREE 5-Day Core Tune Up - A free mini-course to dramatically improve your functional core strength, create better alignment, and relieve back and hip pain for good! Follow Megan on Instagram
If you feel like you can't live without your phone or if you'll emotionally eat, this one's for you! Do you get the weekly summary on your phone that shows how much time you've spent across the week and cringe? This episode will explain why our phones have such a hold on us, and share the connection between phone addiction and food addiction, plus what we can do about it. Today, Jenn is talking about phone and food addictions and how they are actually quite similar. She kicks off the episode talking about how our phones are set up for addiction and what the factors are that lead to phone addiction. There are some fascinating reasons why you are not able to put your phone down! Jenn discusses the effect boredom has on both our phone and eating habits, and how innovation has impacted both. Lastly, she covers how to shift the dynamic with our phones with tangible tips you can take to reduce phone usage. Tune in for this informative episode that'll give you tips to reduce your phone addiction. Perhaps you can use this approach to your shifting your phone habits as a surrogate for adjusting your relationship with foodThe Salad With a Side of Fries podcast is hosted by Jenn Trepeck, discussing wellness and weight loss for real life, clearing up the myths, misinformation, bad science & marketing surrounding our nutrition knowledge and the food industry. Let's dive into wellness and weight loss for real life, including drinking, eating out, and skipping the grocery store. IN THIS EPISODE: ● [7:24] How do our phones set us up for addiction?● [14:18] What are food and phone addiction similarities?● [17:01] How does our memory work and how can our phone usage affect our memories?● [18:16] How do phones impair our sleep?● [20:33] Jenn discusses the use-case and how food and phones help us avoid feeling unwanted feelings.● [24:06] How does boredom impact our habits with our phones?● [29:26] How has innovation impacted both food and electronics? ● [34:08] How can we shift our dynamics with our phones?● [41:22] How long does the wave/craving last if we don't give in?● [42:47] Tips for reducing our phone addictions. ● [47:38] How can we redirect our time?KEY TAKEAWAYS:● Many times the reason why we cannot put our phones down or step away from them is because we are waiting for the dopamine hit. Each time the phone rings, pings, or sends a notification, we get a little hit of dopamine that makes us feel good or important. We never want to miss what could be coming through for us. ● Statistically, Americans check their phones about 47 times a day. Ages 18-24 average 82 times per day. That is more than 9 billion phone checks a day. Oftentimes we don't know why we picked up our phone, or we end up scrolling on social media and forget why we originally picked it up. ● There are ways to create a positive relationship with our phones and technology. The first step is creating awareness of how much time we spend on them and why we are using them. QUOTES: “Both of them can make us feel bad about ourselves but keep us coming back for more. Interestingly, they change the structure and function of our brains, including our ability to form new memories, think deeply, focus, and absorb and remember what we read.” - Jenn Trepeck “Every interaction we have with the phone, from the colors it uses, to the alerts that it's giving us, to the ‘why did I pick up my phone, now I'm in a rabbit hole of Instagram, like I know I picked this up for a reason'. That is the overwhelm, it is almost instant decision fatigue. And so it disrupts our ability to pay attention.” - Jenn Trepeck “When we reach for the phone, what is it that we're trying to do, and what is it that we're trying not to do. Are we trying to do something or are we trying to avoid something? And we can start to take some notes on that or just notice what's happening.” - Jenn Trepeck “To me, all the disease outcomes of the processed food and the food "innovation" is what we're starting to see from the phones, creating this mental health crisis.” - Jenn Trepeck"It's not about abstinence, it's about consciousness and being deliberate in the choices." - Jenn TrepeckRESOURCES:How to Break Up with Your PhoneBecome A Member of Salad with a Side of FriesJenn's Free Menu PlanA Salad With a Side of FriesA Salad With A Side Of Fries MerchA Salad With a Side of Fries Instagram
We love that Friday the 13th falls in October this year, our spookiest month. Statistically this is actually very rare. As others are gearing up for playful movie nights and superstitious tradition, we know the truth. We must be on the lookout for the darker side of Friday the 13th. The date that calls for the supernatural to reveal itself. A date that can make rational humans go insane. A time when nefarious spirits come out to do their evil bidding. A night that can be so unlucky, it just might kill you. First, the sins of my mother Followed by a bad influence Then, an unlucky rabbit's foot Finally in our featured story, a deadly past Thank you to this episode's sponsors! • Füm - Join Füm in accelerating humanity's breakup from destructive habits by picking up the Journey Pack today. Head to TryFum.com and use code SCARY to save 10% off when you get the Journey pack today. • Zocdoc - Go to Zocdoc.com/SCARY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. More about the show! • Go to SomethingScary.com to check out the awesome Something Scary Merch. We've got something for everyone, from hoodies to hats to writer's notebooks. • Do you want to connect with other people who love horror and all things Something Scary? Join our new Discord. Join our Patreon and get members only access to our Discord. Go to Patreon.com/snarled Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
We're all in utter disbelief of what happened during Sunday night football when Zach Wilson balled out and STATISTICALLY outplayed Patrick Mahomes. Join BJ (@afrodynamics116) and Stephen (@sdeaton24) as they discuss the curious case of Jahmyr Gibbs' usage, sneaky flex plays, BJ getting benched in the Underdog segment, and Stephen starting the season 0-4 with a win-now team. Follow the pod (@LOLDynastyPod). The season's already 1/4 of the way over. Make some moves. Solidify your stance. Set yourself up for success.
By 21, I had already had my fair share of struggles. Clinical depression often hid behind my smile, but, deep down, I never lost hope. Not really. As I began to heal and find my place in the world, something unthinkable happened. I awoke with a man, a stranger, in my bed. Then he stabbed me. Seven times. I lost 21 pints of blood. Statistically, I should not have survived. Yet here I am. Telling my story. Candidly, honestly, courageously. Hoping that I may help others do the same. To heal. To hope. And above all else, to love. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/keepingitrealonpurpose/message
Statistically, most, if not all, of us will have friends who are unfaithful in their marriages. When that happens, what should we do? How do we help when everything is so complex and so powerful and so emotional? How can we be good Christian friends when a friend chooses to cheat? What do we say to the friend who's been cheated on? This message speaks to the entire church as we seek to help some of our brothers and sisters in their greatest time of need.Get your copy of "Supernatural: God at Work and on Your Side" with your financial gift to Time of Grace! https://bit.ly/3PCuyqeIf you enjoy this podcast and make it a regular part of your week, would you consider helping us with your regular support? We can't do any of this without you! Consider becoming a regular supporter with our Grace Partners program! https://timeofgrace.org/gracepartnerpodcastFor more resources that help you stay rooted in Jesus, check us out at timeofgrace.org where you can also subscribe to our daily email!Check out our newest video project, Bible Breath With Pastor Jeremy Mattek! https://timeofgrace.vhx.tv/bible-breathCheck out our other podcasts! Search for these on your favorite podcast app.– The Nonmicrowaved Truth with C.L. Whiteside– Little Things, with Amber Albee Swenson– Bible Threads, with Dr. Bruce Becker– Evening Encouragements With Pastor Jeremy– Grace Talks Daily DevotionalsIf you have questions and want to know more about God, like what does he think of you, what exactly was Jesus all about, how do you get “saved” and just what exactly does it mean to “get saved,” and what you should do next, we want you to download this free resource Pastor Mike wrote called, The Basics: God. You. Jesus. Faith. If you enjoy this podcast and make it a regular part of your day, would you consider helping us with your regular support? We can't do any of this without you! Consider becoming a regular supporter with our Grace Partners program! https://timeofgrace.org/gracepartnerpodcast
The first battle for the conference's best quarterback is going to happen when Colorado's Shadeur Sanders hosts Caleb Williams and the Trojans. The Buffaloes passing game is among the best in the country, however, their non-existent run game could make this a perfect opportunity for the Trojans defense to make statement. Statistically, USC put up some great numbers against ASU on both sides of the ball. But did the results match the stats? What type of results are acceptable compared to the stats? Trojans after dark is becoming a weekly must-see TV. USC will play at 9:00AM against the Buffaloes, however, when they return home for their game against Arizona, they'll be playing under the lights again with a 7:30 kick off. Their 3rd in the first 6 games of the schedule. #usc #uscfootball #Trojans #FOOTBALL #asu #sundevils #ncaafoot ball #big10 #big10football #ohiostate #buckeyesfootball #uclafootball #notredamefootball #oregonducks #recruiting #michiganfootball #wolverines #spartans #sanjosestate #reggiebush #heisman #coloradobuffaloes #coachprime #LincolRiley #nfl #nil #top5 #pac12football #defense #impact #mvp #transferportal #ncaa #notredame #sec #secfootball #alabamafootball #georgiafootball #pac12 #uclafootball #survival Support Us By Supporting Our Sponsors! Nutrafol Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com/men and enter the promo code LOCKEDONCOLLEGE. DoorDash Get fifty percent off your first DoorDash order up to a twenty-dollar value when you use code lockedoncollege at checkout. Limited time offer, terms apply. Jase Medical Save more than $360 by getting these lifesaving antibiotics with Jase Medical plus an additional $20 off by using code LOCKEDON at checkout on jasemedical.com. Athletic Brewing Go to AthleticBrewing.com and enter code LOCKEDON to get 15% off your first online order or find a store near you! Athletic Brewing. Milford, CT and San Diego, CA. Near Beer. Gametime Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LOCKEDONCOLLEGE for $20 off your first purchase. LinkedIn LinkedIn Jobs helps you find the qualified candidates you want to talk to, faster. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com/LOCKEDONCOLLEGE. Terms and conditions apply. FanDuel Make Every Moment More. Right now, NEW customers can bet FIVE DOLLARS and get TWO HUNDRED in BONUS BETS – GUARANTEED. Visit FanDuel.com/LOCKEDON to get started. FANDUEL DISCLAIMER: 21+ in select states. First online real money wager only. Bonus issued as nonwithdrawable free bets that expires in 14 days. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit FanDuel.com/RG (CO, IA, MD, MI, NJ, PA, IL, VA, WV), 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 (AZ), 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-9-WITH-IT (IN), 1-800-522-4700 (WY, KS) or visit ksgamblinghelp.com (KS), 1-877-770-STOP (LA), 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY), TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN) Listen wherever you get podcasts: APPLE: https://apple.co/3Aveb9o SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/3Reye1r GOOGLE: https://bit.ly/3bHmlAT Follow Marc! TWITTER: https://twitter.com/MarcKulkin Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
(9/26/23) Markets are holding support and will retest the downside today. There certainly is some downside risk. We're over-sold and the MACD sell signal needs to turn. Statistically, a weak August and September tends to lead to a strong October. We're going through a fairly orderly corrective cycle at present. The bigger risk for a larger correction will be next year. Hosted by RIA Advisors Chief Investment Strategist, Lance Roberts, CIO Produced by Brent Clanton -------- Get more info & commentary: https://realinvestmentadvice.com/insights/real-investment-daily/ ------- Watch the video version of this report by subscribing to our new "Before the Bell" YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxoI_gLGYsk&list=PLwNgo56zE4RAbkqxgdj-8GOvjZTp9_Zlz&index=1 ------- Visit our Site: https://www.realinvestmentadvice.com Contact Us: 1-855-RIA-PLAN -------- Subscribe to SimpleVisor: https://www.simplevisor.com/register-new -------- Register for our next Candid Coffee: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/3016835714782/WN_zCk25t5QThq7CG5NHH4UIg ------- Connect with us on social: https://twitter.com/RealInvAdvice https://twitter.com/LanceRoberts https://www.facebook.com/RealInvestmentAdvice/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/realinvestmentadvice/ #InvestingAdvice #MarketSupport #DownsideRisk #MCADSellSignal #BuySignal #200DMA #Markets #Money #Investing
Zach Wilson is as bad as JaMarcus Russell and we all considered him the biggest bust QB. We went through a bunch of stats where Wilson is a complete disaster. Statistically this is as bad as it can possibly be and the Jets are still rolling with him. The Chiefs are only 8 ½ point favorites over the Jets. That doesn't make any sense. Jerry returns for an update and Zach Wilson was bad but not according to Rob Saleh. Tim Boyle is not going to get any first team reps. Mike Tomlin talked about the Steelers win over the Raiders on SNF. The Vikings are 0-3 but Kirk Cousins is only trying to go 1-0 every week. Lou Holtz was on with Pat McAfee and said Notre Dame is better than Ohio State. He also said Ryan Day loses big games. OSU did beat Notre Dame and Day called out Lou Holtz. The Moment of The Day involves Boomer's dinner plans for tonight as he goes in the Bengals Ring of Honor. In the final segment of the show, we talked about Boomer getting into the Bengal Ring of Honor tonight along with Chad Johnson.
Hour 1 The Jets lost again and they had absolutely no offense behind Zach Wilson. For some reason the Jets are still not bringing in another quarterback. The players are saying the right thing after the game by supporting their guy, but the body language on the sideline says otherwise. The Jets are being very stubborn right now with keeping Zach Wilson in the QB position. Carson Wentz and Matt Ryan both reached out but the Jets are not interested. Gio is done with being mad at Wilson, he's now mad at Saleh and GM Joe Douglas. For some reason the Jets won't admit that they made a bad draft choice in Zach. Jerry is here for his first update and starts with Zach Wilson being sacked for a safety. Rob Saleh told us all about the improvements Wilson made and all the great things they are seeing. Erin Andrews asked Patrick Mahomes if there was pressure to get a TD for Travis Kelce since Taylor Swift was at the game. The Dolphins scored 70 points as they beat Denver 70-20. The Vikings broadcasters sound sad as they fall to 0-3. In the final segment of the hour, Joe Namath took to twitter and was criticizing Zach Wilson. Hour 2 The Jets are standing over the toilet and watching their season go down the drain. They are making no effort to go out and get a veteran quarterback. The Vikings are now 0-3 and the ownership out there is thought to want a younger quarterback for the future. Does that make Kirk Cousins available to the Jets? The Jets went from hope to hopeless real quick. Jerry returns for an update and starts with the call of the almost hail mary by the Jets yesterday. Randall Cobb said they lost the game because he dropped a hail mary. Rob Saleh said of Zach Wilson, ‘yeah, he's fine'. The Dolphins beat the Broncos 70-20. The Cardinals surprised the Cowboys. The Cards have beaten them 8 of the last 9 meetings. In the final segment of the hour, when you see the above camera angles of the Jets game, you can see the open receivers Zach Wilson was missing. Boomer doesn't know why the Jets don't want Carson Wentz. Hour 3 What are the Jets going to do if Zach Wilson gets hurt? Right now, Tim Boyle is the only other QB on the team. There are guys you can bring in and sign. You may not like the names, but there are people out there. Jerry returns for an update and he's wearing a Chad Johnson jersey since he is going in the Bengals Ring of Honor with Boomer tonight. The Jets lost to the Patriots again and Rob Saleh said it's not all on Zach Wilson. Saleh said even with Aaron at QB, they were expecting some hiccups. Sauce Gardner said Mac Jones hit him in his private parts. Colorado lost to Oregon and Deion Sanders said this is the worst it's going to get. In the final segment of the hour, Bill Belichick joked about Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Gio said he only entertained that question from WEEI because they beat the Jets. Gio needs a Rob Saleh press conference this week where he says they are actively looking for another QB. Hour 4 Zach Wilson is as bad as JaMarcus Russell and we all considered him the biggest bust QB. We went through a bunch of stats where Wilson is a complete disaster. Statistically this is as bad as it can possibly be and the Jets are still rolling with him. The Chiefs are only 8 ½ point favorites over the Jets. That doesn't make any sense. Jerry returns for an update and Zach Wilson was bad but not according to Rob Saleh. Tim Boyle is not going to get any first team reps. Mike Tomlin talked about the Steelers win over the Raiders on SNF. The Vikings are 0-3 but Kirk Cousins is only trying to go 1-0 every week. Lou Holtz was on with Pat McAfee and said Notre Dame is better than Ohio State. He also said Ryan Day loses big games. OSU did beat Notre Dame and Day called out Lou Holtz. The Moment of The Day involves Boomer's dinner plans for tonight as he goes in the Bengals Ring of Honor. In the final segment of the show, we talked about Boomer getting into the Bengal Ring of Honor tonight along with Chad Johnson.
September 22, 2023Today's Reading: Ezekiel 2:8-3:11 (OT for St. Matthew)Daily Lectionary: 2 Kings 2:1-18, Ephesians 4:1-24And He said to me, ‘Son of man, go to the house of Israel and speak with My words to them." (Ezekiel 3:4)In the Name + of Jesus. Amen. How do you feel about public speaking? A hasty search on “the Google” informed me that 77% of people have some level of anxiety about speaking in front of a group of people. Statistically speaking, the odds are that you're in that crowd. But here's a question to consider: does the anxiety that accompanies such speaking fluctuate based on the audience? If you're surrounded by your peers, is it easier to find your voice than if you were in a room filled with folks you don't know? What if the room is filled with experts in the field that you're discussing? I'm sorry if I just got your heart rate up. Ezekiel was called by God to preach to the house of Israel. His calling was peculiar, in that God gave him a scroll and instructed him…to eat it! God literally placed His Word into Ezekiel's mouth. The words are sweet in his mouth, likely as a reminder that God's Word is always good and right. It's helpful to remember that when you see what was written on the scroll. There was writing on the front and on the back–words of lamentation, mourning, and woe. I imagine any degree of comfort that Ezekiel had when he learned that his audience was going to be his own people melted away when he saw the words that God was giving him to proclaim. On the one hand, his preaching would be simple enough: the people lived where he lived and they spoke the same language he spoke, but then God broke the news to him that if He had asked him to travel to a strange land where they spoke a foreign language, they would've listened to him. Israel wouldn't listen. They hadn't listened to God up to this point, and Ezekiel's charge was to preach to spiritually deaf ears, hard foreheads, and stubborn hearts. Why? Because God is stubborn in the very best way. He is patient with His people. He will send prophet after prophet to call them to repentance. They'll be carried off into exile and Ezekiel will go and tell them that God will raise up a New Temple, a New Israel, even a New Creation. In short, Ezekiel preached Christ to a people who had forgotten that God is their salvation! In the Name + of Jesus. Amen.Lord God, bless Your Word wherever it is proclaimed. Make it a word of power and peace to convert those not yet Your own and to confirm those who have come to saving faith. May Your Word pass from the ear to the heart, from the heart to the lip, and from the lip to the life that, as You have promised, Your Word may achieve the purpose for which You send it; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.-Pastor Dustin Beck is pastor at Holy Cross Lutheran Church, Corpus Christi, Texas.Audio Reflections Speaker: Pastor Jonathan Lackey is the pastor at Grace Lutheran Church, Vine Grove, Ky.Study Christ's words on the cross to see how you can show more Christlike grace in your life. Perfect for group or individual study, each chapter has a Q&A at the end, and the back of the book includes a leader guide. Available now from Concordia Publishing House.
Who usually says ‘I love you' first - men or women? Hey Google: The most googled topics this week explained Kid got his head stuck in a toilet seat Get F*ckd Fridays's - It's the end of the week, time to vent! Mike E & Emma are live on RnB Fridays Radio, on DAB and the LiSTNR app, weekdays 7-10amSubscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcast/mike-e-and-emmaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Statistically, 70% of Autistic individuals identify as non-heterosexual, and genderqueer people are 3 to 6 times more likely to be diagnosed as Autistic than cisgender adults. In this episode, Patrick Casale and Dr. Megan Anna Neff, two AuDHD mental health professionals, talk with Rebecca Minor, MSW, LICSW, a gender expansive therapist and advocate in the neuroqueer space, about genderqueer identity and neuroqueer identity—what they are, how they intersect, and how they are perceived versus present in society, relationships, and the mental health community. Top 3 reasons to listen to the entire episode: Understand what is genderqueer identity and neuroqueer identity, as well as delve into the misconceptions surrounding them. See how neurodivergence and queerness overlap for both Autism and ADHD, including what studies have been done around this. Understand the importance of self-disclosure in therapy, particularly for marginalized communities with intersectional identities, and how it can build connection and community, as well as offer emotional relief for clients. There is still a lot to learn and unpack about queerness and neurodivergence, but research suggests a strong connection between neurodivergence and gender identity. We hope to shed light, give valuable insights, and broaden your understanding of these diverse identities. More about Rebecca: Rebecca Minor, MSW, LICSW is a neuroqueer femme, clinician, consultant, and educator specializing in the intersection of trauma, gender, and sexuality. As a Gender Specialist, Rebecca partners with trans and gender nonconforming youth through their journey of becoming, and is a guide to their parents in affirming it. Rebecca is part-time faculty at Boston University School of Social work and always works through a lens that is neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed, and resilience-oriented. In addition to her clinical work, Rebecca has provided cultural humility training and consultation to organizations, schools, and businesses for the past decade. You can follow her on Instagram, hire her for parent coaching, or check out her blog, and free guides and course for parents and caregivers! Rebecca's Website: www.genderspecialist.com Work with Rebecca: https://www.genderspecialist.com/coaching Rebecca's Instagram: http://instagram.com/gender.specialist Rebecca's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RebeccaMinorLICSW Resources Neurodivergent Insights Masterclass Series: Exploring Neuroqueer Identities by Dr. Megan Anna Neff and Rebecca Minor: https://learn.neurodivergentinsights.com/exploring-neuroqueer-identities/ Neurodivergent Insights Infographic: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/trans-autism Transcript MEGAN NEFF: So, over the last two weeks we have been… PATRICK CASALE: Did you forget your settings [INDISCERNIBLE 00:00:12] because- MEGAN NEFF: [CROSSTALK 00:00:13] no, it takes me a second, Patrick. I don't have my process in this video. We should keep that in. Okay, so, over the last few weeks, we've been exploring autistic identity and neurodivergent identity. And I can't think of a better guest to have on today than Rebecca Minor, who is neuro queer and does a lot in the neuro queer space. And so, we're going to dive a little bit deeper into talking about the intersection of queerness and neurodivergence, broadening it to autistic and ADHD identities. Okay, Rebecca, I'm going to try to introduce you. I know I'm not going to do it justice. But here we go. So, we met on Instagram, which is a weird thing to say. I don't meet people on Instagram anymore. We met before- REBECCA MINOR: No. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, I'm too, [CROSSTALK 00:01:04] and I get so overwhelmed. So, I'm so glad I met you like when I had a small following and when I actually spent time in the app because I've loved… How did we meet? I don't even know how we met. But I love that we did. And we've developed what I would say is a really wonderful friendship. And we've presented together on your neuro queerness. You are a gender-expansive therapist, but if I'm tracking right, you're kind of doing less clinical work, more speaking, more advocacy, lots of trainings. So, gender expansiveness in teens, this is your jam. Do I have that right? REBECCA MINOR: You do, yeah, yeah. I'm still seeing too many clients for how much I'm doing the other things. But yes, I am. MEGAN NEFF: Right? I am not surprised by that. REBECCA MINOR: So, welcome. MEGAN NEFF: What would you like to add about, like just giving our listeners some context for who you are. REBECCA MINOR: So, I am a social worker by training. Some people care about that. I have been in private practice for about five years with a variety of settings, different experiences prior to that. And I work primarily with queer and trans youth and their journey of becoming. And most recently, I'm spending a bulk of my time working with parents and caregivers to really support them in being able to better support young people. MEGAN NEFF: I love that. I've been so encouraged by how many parents are really showing up and they're doing their work to show up for their kids. And I love that you're coming alongside parents in that journey because it's a lot to unlearn, and then relearn, and just to address like, the fear that comes with parenting a queer kid. REBECCA MINOR: You nailed that, yeah. And that's so often what it is, right? It's just like, because of a lack of information there's a lot of fear, and concern, and feeling like they should have all the answers. And so, then, there's a shutdown, right? And it's like not because they don't care, not because they don't want to support their kid, but they're stuck. And so, that shift can happen really quickly, which is also like an incredibly meaningful piece of the work that feels so different than sometimes longer-term clinical work or trauma-focused work that I've done, which goes on and on. This is much more like, "We can take care of this." MEGAN NEFF: I like that kind of work. It's funny, I work long term as a therapist, but it can be really nice to then have those cases where it's like, "Oh, we can actually address this in five sessions and get you on your way." REBECCA MINOR: Mm-hmm (affirmative.) MEGAN NEFF: Which is very, like, I feel like a heretical thing to say when you come from the psychodynamic tradition, but I actually really like having a balance of the two, yeah. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. MEGAN NEFF: So, I think how we met is kind of interesting because it goes back to this identity thing. So, I was working in the like, autism, ADHD space, primarily. You were working in the gender-expansive space primarily. I started seeing like, oh my gosh, there's so much overlap with queerness, and specifically, gender queerness among neurodivergent people. So, I started learning about queerness. You on the other hand, do you want to share what you were discovering in your practice? REBECCA MINOR: Yeah, and I was going to say, I think I do remember how we met, which is mostly that I was like, "Hello, am I autistic?" Which is probably how you meet a lot of people. But I started noticing I was like, wait a minute, if I really sit down and think about it started with one client, right? Who came in and had seen something online and was like, "I think I might be autistic." And I was like, "That's markedly different, like what you're describing is markedly different than what my training had been." And like in high school, I had volunteered in what? At that point, we were calling the special needs classroom and worked with autistic folks. And you know, the tropes that I had understood about that were so different than the clients I was working with. But once I started peeling back some of the layers and reading more of the current research, I was like, "Oh, oh, are all of my clients neurodivergent and I missed it?" Like, and so, it really set off this thing for me where I got hyper fixated and was researching like crazy, and taking all the self-measures, and trying to figure out not only what was going on for all of my clients, but also what was going on for me. And so, I think that's when we started talking because I was like, this is just a fascinating clinical thing that I'm seeing. And also, I'm not clearly fitting into one of these categories, and I love your Venn diagrams for that reason because I'm like, you know, I've got a little bit of various things and the visuals made so much sense to my brain. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. MEGAN NEFF: I love that. Yeah, we were having parallel process. And then, for me, in my process, I was unpacking queer identities, which for me came after the autism discovery, which you were further along in that journey. So, it was a really cool friendship where both clinically, but personally, we were kind of exploring, like, the other specialty which we had been led to by our home base… Okay, I have a visual of what I'm trying to say, but I'm not putting into words well. But yeah, I think that's, yeah, that we were able to kind of both explore each other's specialty in conversation. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. And that's when we were like, "Wait, why aren't people talking about this more?" And then I think that's when we got the idea for starting that, like, ask our followers questions about that intersection. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that'd be a helpful thing to get into, but we like to anchor in lived experience here. So, can you share a little bit more about your own neural queerness and your journey around that, or whatever you want to share around that? REBECCA MINOR: Sure. So, I think one of, kind of, the place that I've comfortably settled is in using neuro queer as a label identity-wise. I'd gotten comfortable with the concept of queerness and that felt good to me, then I became aware of how inextricably linked I think my queerness is to my neurodivergence. And so, it just felt like it made so much sense and it's easier to say. That's one thing. But I did go through a long process, and I'm still navigating the, like, "What exactly is going on here?" In terms of my own brain. I have a trauma history and a history of anxiety. And so, those things can confuse some of the, you know, they can present in some similar ways. And so, it's been a journey of kind of parsing out like, what's potentially autism? What's potentially ADHD? What's potentially trauma or anxiety? Or this or that? Or, you know, being burned out? Or just the combination of like being alive during a pandemic. So, yeah, it's been interesting. At times, it's been pretty difficult and emotional. And you've been so lovely and gentle with me, which I appreciate, when I have weird questions, or I'm like, "Does this mean this?" And you're like, "Well, not always." But yeah, so I feel kind of like, I definitely meet criteria for ADHD, that feels solid. And I think- MEGAN NEFF: Thank you too. REBECCA MINOR: And I was going to say anyone in my life would also concur. And then I have like a sprinkling of other things that one might consider to be like- MEGAN NEFF: I call it the neurodivergent potpourri bag. REBECCA MINOR: Yes, yes. That's me. Got some family history in there. So, yeah, it's been interesting, and I think professionally, it's always a weird thing to navigate that like, personal/professional line of how much do I share? How much do I not share? Is it okay for me to talk about these different things if I don't feel like I can use the hashtag actually autistic because I don't have a diagnosis? Do I need formal diagnosis? And the thoughts go on, you know? So, that's kind of where I am. I'm happy to talk about it, it's a fine thing to say. MEGAN NEFF: And yes, I think I know that about you from having seen you in public spaces. And that's something I like about your presentation style is how openly you talk about this. I'm kind of diverging from where I initially thought we might go. And I do want to get back to talking about gender queerness. But I think this will wrap into it. Part of what you're talking about is being in process of your own identity as a clinician, but also, as a public clinician, I didn't mention this, but you also have a platform on Instagram, and you create content as well. I heard on a blog post a couple years ago, that's probably been the one that gets the most feedback from clinicians, and it's about being an identity-based practitioner, when our practice is based on our identity in the sense of, I am an autistic therapist, therefore, autistic clients come to me. In our training, we're taught so much about like, blank slate, don't disclose. I'm just curious, both Patrick and Rebecca, your thoughts around exploring our identity while you're seeing clients. And then, also, while doing it publicly not just privately because there's a lot there. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. PATRICK CASALE: See, we're doing a good job today. We're reading each other's facial expressions and all those things. I love that you just asked that question. I just want to also apologize for my voice today to everyone listening, it's struggling. I actually just had this conversation in our team meeting with our staff about using identity-based language, and especially, if they feel safe enough to do so because we are a practice that specializes in supporting the neurodivergent and queer communities in Western North Carolina. I know we've talked about this, Megan, at length, but I do think it's nuanced. We always say that. I feel like that's going to just become incorporated into our fucking conversations on this podcast is the word nuance. But it is nuanced, and it is complex, and I think it's also advocacy at its truest form for our clients who are so desperately trying to find a landing spot, a place where they can feel safe and comfortable, a place where they don't have to, you know, explain everything over again, maybe their circumstances are different, but they don't have to say or explain everything in a clinical interview like they typically would. And I just think it's so powerful, and so much more humanizing when we use identity-based language, when we are able to show up in those spaces. And I also think it's also really complicated, especially, for those of us who have audiences who have followings, as we're also unpacking our own identities, as we're also unpacking our own neurodivergent journeys. Like, for those of us who were diagnosed in adulthood, sometimes you get it wrong. And sometimes you're also unpacking your own internalized ableism that's existed throughout most of your life. And I think then you walk it back, and you learn, and you try, and you try again, and you continuously show up even when you get it wrong. And I think that's the most important piece here, for those of us who are showing up in public spaces. But again, I just cannot say enough how much I think that speaking out openly, and disclosing, and using identity-based language is just so important in terms of advocacy across the board for people who just don't feel safe enough to be able to do the same things that we can do. MEGAN NEFF: It certainly makes the countertransference more hot, is what I've noticed. Like, when your client is working through things that you're also working through. REBECCA MINOR: That's true. MEGAN NEFF: And Rebecca, I think you've experienced some of that or am I projecting? REBECCA MINOR: No, no, that's totally fine. I've definitely experienced that because, in real-time, it was like I was working with clients who were like, "Wait, is this, you know, what's been going on all these years?" And it explains all these things. And like, there's the relief, and the like aha of that. But there's also the grief and the pain that comes with that, and holding that for clients in session, but also, navigating that myself, it's a lot. And then, I also think about the parent audience, which I also have because I work with young people, right? So, like my teenage clients will be the first to tell you about my various neurodivergent tendencies because they have no problem with this or calling me out on them. But with parents, then it raises those questions of like, "Will they doubt my competency? Like, what does that mean?" And it was the same thing for me as coming out as queer of like, "Will parents then think I'm like luring their children into this lifestyle?" Which is not a thing, but like, is a concern. And so, yeah, it's the potpourri. MEGAN NEFF: It's going to be in the name of our episode, potpourri. PATRICK CASALE: It's definitely going to be in the description somewhere, probably on the website, too. I think the grief relief process is something we talk about a lot. And I've experienced, you know, pretty often, especially, when I was formally diagnosed at 35. I'm 37 now, it's been a year and a half journey. But I think you're right, the countertransference is really intensified, and simultaneously, the relief for the client has gone up exponentially. So, I think both of those things, as my therapist thing is always like, "Both can be true." Those are both true. And like, the ability for the client to… I also am someone who speaks openly about a former gambling addiction. When I've talked about that with clients, you see the immediate relief of like, "Oh, shit, someone gets it. Like, I'm not alone in this." And that has always been my driving force for disclosure. It's never been about like, what does it do for me? I always want to throw that asterisk in there for any clinicians who want to be like, "That's ethically not sound. Like, we don't disclose." But when we are talking about people who are represented within marginalized communities with intersectional identities, then I think its disclosure is that much more important of a therapeutic intervention and I think that when you start to realize like, that's what it's about, it's not about what it does for my sense of self. It's more about like, what does it do for the person who feels like there is no glimmer of hope? Or that things will never change or be different? REBECCA MINOR: Yes, yeah. And that's where that question of like, who is it for? It needs to be the guiding principle. One other thing you said earlier that I just didn't want to leave out was, oh, there goes brain processing, it was about getting it wrong. I was terrified of getting it wrong. And I still am, right? Like, there's still a part of me that's like, "Well, I don't know. Like, according to the data." And, you know, but in periods when I've been more burned out and gone back, and retaken some of the assessments, I'm like, "Oh, those numbers look a little different." But still, yeah, it's a thing. MEGAN NEFF: We're going to talk about RSD soon. And I think getting it wrong, well, first of all getting it wrong because like, we are all very justice-oriented. So, I think, especially, when we get it wrong for our communities and for the most marginalized communities, like I know all of us feel that deeply. And then, also, the, like, aspect of RSD. And I just read, like, social justice RSD. I hadn't heard that term before, but also, like a strong reaction to injustice. But because we've all had private conversations around this I know how much we care about not getting it wrong. And you can't be in public space and not step in it. Like, and it's good, right? It means we're… well, it's not good, but it's a sign that we are learning. REBECCA MINOR: Yes. PATRICK CASALE: And there's a lot of unpacking to do even now and continuously. And I think that is important no matter what. But I think it's so important when you do have public space that you take up because people are following you, people are listening to you, people are sharing your stuff. So, I think there is even, it feels like almost this pressure to get it right. And that, for me is a struggle sometimes because then I get into like perfectionism mode. And I'm like, "I have to get it right. I can't post this because this could get picked apart in 100 different ways." So, then I have to step back and think like, okay, what is the purpose of what I'm creating and posting because if it's informative, if it's supposed to be supportive, encouraging, etc, then I want to put it out there regardless of the fact that someone may say, "Next time you do this you should probably use this for vernacular, or this word, or this verbiage.' And that's okay because then it's like, "Okay, I get that and I will do that the next time." But I don't want that to take away from the message either that can often be missed if we are unwilling to put ourselves out there. And that's why we all have platforms because we're willing to put ourselves out there and talk about stuff that a lot of people shy away from. REBECCA MINOR: Absolutely, yeah, and I think the more self-disclosure I've done online, in appropriate and boundaried ways, for the therapists listening, has, like you said, right? Has shocked me in its traction, right? It's the stuff where I'm like, "Oh, this is what the people want." That gets like nothing. But when I'm like, "Look, I'm messy just like you." People are like, "Awesome." And it's like shared all over the place, right? Or recently, in terms of unpacking identity and Megan Anna, you and I have talked about this as the reality of moving through the world as a queer person who holds a lot of privilege because I'm married to a cis man and how navigating that has been tricky and interesting. And so, I was so afraid of sharing about that and losing some of my queer followers who would be like, "You're another one of those, like next." And I forgot, or, you know, wasn't prioritizing the thousands of people who have reached out, and liked, and commented when I've shared like, "Hey, this is actually what my life looks like." And just in the last month I have like, built this small but growing community of women who are in straight passing relationships and navigating their queerness. And it's just been really fascinating to see. But I think I absolutely get stuck in that feedback loop of like, I was doing it yesterday with a post where I was like, writing about protected time. And then I was like, all I could hear was people being like, "Oh, nice that you have protected time, what a privilege?" You know, and then I archived the post because I was like, "Urrgh." So, yeah, it's… MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, I love that. I've definitely been there, done that. First of all, I just want to say, I love how you have, like, talked so openly about the complexity around queer identity. And how, yeah, like our marriage setup or partnership setup doesn't make an identity. And that was actually really empowering for me. I also remember, we talked the weekend before you made the post of like, kind of, revealing that you were married to a cis man. And I remember the anxiety of that. And I totally understood that. But I love how you have come into that space. That's actually partly what gave me permission because it was that question of like, okay, I am queer, our family is very queer as like, but I'm also like, not in a queer partnership. So, what do I do with that? And so, the work you've done around identity, I think, is so helpful because identity is so much bigger than the structure of our partnerships. REBECCA MINOR: Absolutely. Yeah, thank you. MEGAN NEFF: Should we shift to talk about identity and kind of gender queer identity and neuro queer identity? I know that we've done a lot of work at that intersection. And I wonder if it'd be helpful to do some of, like, a bird's eye view of some of the things that we discovered when we were asking our audience and what we've presented on, the speaker time to shift. REBECCA MINOR: Sounds good to me. MEGAN NEFF: Rebecca, do you want to do the bird eye view? Like… REBECCA MINOR: Oh, I feel like you're better at that? MEGAN NEFF: …intersection. What did you say? REBECCA MINOR: I said, "Oh, I feel like you're better at that." MEGAN NEFF: Okay, I will try and then, you will [CROSSTALK 00:23:30]. REBECCA MINOR: … yeah. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, so, okay. So, I mean, we know that there's a huge overlap of queerness and neurodivergence, both for autism and ADHD. It's a little bit more pronounced in autism than ADHD. So, first of all, talking about sexual queerness. There's one study, and as a disclaimer, it was a smaller study, but the study found that 70% of autistic people identified as non-heterosexual. And the language non-heterosexual they use that because it also included people who were asexual and [INDISCERNIBLE 00:24:12]. But essentially, 70% identified as some form of queer. That's huge. The research also found it's more common among people assigned female at birth. So, cis autistic men. So, people like you, Patrick, are more likely to identify as heteronormative and heterosexual than everyone else. So, this gets, I think even more pronounced when we start looking at gender queerness, and particularly, autism, but also, ADHD. There's a pretty big study done in 2021 that found that gender queer people were three to six times more likely to be diagnosed as autistic than cisgender adults. What's really interesting about that statistic is that only include people who are medically diagnosed, and so, we would suspect that number would actually be significantly higher. Other studies have found that autistic children are like four times more likely than allistic children to be genderqueer. There's other studies out there, I'll link the infographic in our podcast so people can go see the research. But essentially, it's a significant overlap between gender queerness and neurodivergence, particularly, autism and ADHD. We also see similar rates in ADHD not quite as high but also, higher than in neurotypical children and adults. That's the bird eye view. How did I do Rebecca? REBECCA MINOR: That was good. It just made me think do you have like a gut instinct as to why that is? MEGAN NEFF: Oh, gosh, I get that question so often. And I've heard some really interesting speculations. I think there are some studies around like, neuroanatomy, but I don't know those well enough to try and say at the moment. I think the idea of like, how we relate to social norms, I think is part of it. I think we're much more, you know, social norms are constructs, and I think we see them as constructs. I think- REBECCA MINOR: That's always been my thought, too. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. So, I think we know they're there. But like I described as like, I analytically know they're there. I think RSD people experience them. Like, they experience the social norms as real things. So, I think we're much more likely to queer in the sense of query and social norms and explore. I heard a really interesting theory, recently, about sensory. Because of heightened sensory someone was experiencing gender dysphoria, particularly. That would be a more intense experience because of the body experience around that, which, that was really interesting to me as well. There's a few other kind of ideas out there, but I don't know, what about you? What do you make of the overlap? REBECCA MINOR: Well, I just, I mean, so often I think about gender, the whole concept of the binary as being its own construct, and if you're not led to constructs and you feel somewhat of a freedom to move in or out of them, it might give people an opportunity to consider possibility, right? Like, so often, I feel like when I work with people who are cisgender and allistic they've never considered any other possibilities around their gender. They're just like, "Oh, well, this is what I got handed and this is what I still am." And like, it's never been called into question, not even know, like, passing thought. Whereas, you know, obviously, I spend a bulk of my time talking with trans and gender-expansive folks, but I mean, I talk to anyone who will talk to me about gender, which also made me be like, "Oh, is that a special interest? Are people a special interest?" Like, because I've been so, so social my whole life. But anyway, sidebar. MEGAN NEFF: For sure autistics exist. REBECCA MINOR: And I know you told me that. And I still need to read that like, lipstick… I don't remember the name of that book, but like outgoing one. MEGAN NEFF: Yes, I also forget the name of the book. But yeah, she is like a very extroverted autistic. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. But I think just being even curious enough to consider otherwise feels more available to folks who are neurodivergent. Like, they're like, "Well, I just want to see what's over here, or like, try this on, and see how that feels." And just a willingness to play, I think that feels different. MEGAN NEFF: I love that, a willingness to play. There's the soundbite now that… I'm looking at you Patrick like you maybe have a thought, but I can't tell if you do. PATRICK CASALE: I like that we all… it feels like this is set up, though, like everyone has a thought at the same time was what my experience was just happening. Like, I was looking at Megan's face, I was looking at your face, Rebecca, and I was also thinking. So, I didn't have words to put into my thoughts. I honestly agree with everything you're saying. So, I'm just nodding, and like thinking, and just thinking about things differently because as someone who honestly, has never really questioned my gender or identity, honestly, I always am curious about that in general, because I'm like, I'm just processing what you're both saying right now. I'm like, this was Megan, your stat about what you say 70% of cishet autistic men don't ever question or did I get that wrong? MEGAN NEFF: Oh, it's 70% of autistic people identified as non-heterosexual. But like the most likely autistic population to identify as heterosexual are cis men. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, that's what I was thinking about. And I was like, "Huh, this in interesting." MEGAN NEFF: So, the autistic stereotype, yeah. PATRICK CASALE: Sure, yeah. So, that's where my brain went. But then I was thinking, like, it makes a lot of sense about just playfulness and curiosity, and being willing to break out of construct, and just being like, "Yeah, this is fucking stupid. Like, who told us we were supposed to live this way?" I think that makes a lot of sense in all areas when I'm thinking about a lot of just neurodivergent people, in general. REBECCA MINOR: Absolutely. And I think Megan Anna and I are great examples of the way in which that can happen and in various orders for folks, right? Like, a lot of times people will realize one of these things, and then it frees them up to realize another. MEGAN NEFF: I did a story on my Instagram, but then the results didn't show. I don't think I am, like, enough tech savvy to try to do, like, polls on my Instagram stories and show results, which is ridiculous, but- REBECCA MINOR: I can help you. MEGAN NEFF: Thank you, I need help. But the poll I did was like if one identity discovery led to the other which identity came first? And so, was it the queer identity? And did that lead to a neurodivergent discovery or vice versa? And the results in the comments were really interesting. I really wish I knew how to show them better in a way that people could see them. But yeah, I see that all the time, where often discovery of one will open the door to the discovery of another. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, and I think that- REBECCA MINOR: [CROSSTALK 00:33:02] language? PATRICK CASALE: Sorry. REBECCA MINOR: No, it's okay. I was saying I think that even about language and pronouns, right? Like, the idea that someone could use they/them pronouns doesn't often feel available to folks who feel really bound by linguistic rules, which can get really tricky for folks who are navigating gender expansive identity, and also, autistic, depending on kind of how their autism shows up, right? For some people, they're like, "I can dance around some of these rules." And other people are so bound by those rules. And so, it can get tricky. PATRICK CASALE: Right, yeah. I agree with that. What I was thinking, Megan, about your poll, do you think that any of this has to do with the fact that regardless of which "identity" comes first, or is discovered first, that it just feels freeing to have it discovered and see the world through a completely different lens? Because so many of us, and I cannot speak for any of the queer identity perspective, but so many of us who are neurodivergent, who are seeking something all of our lives, and seeking like this landing place, and this place to just feel home, I'm using a lot of air quotes right now as if we don't record the video, feels freeing in a lot of ways. And I think that's just where my mind goes when you start to think about like, where does that one go, lead into another perspective, or identity, or realization, or aha moment? REBECCA MINOR: I think that's a similar experience for folks who come out later in life too, of there's been this long-standing like, "Something's not quite fitting here. Like, why do I feel just a little bit different?" And you know, people who then in their 30s, 40s, but you know, whatever we're considering later in life diagnosed then recognize like, "Oh, maybe that's what it is." And I think I see that fascinating. I'm fully side-baring now, so feel free to cut this. But I see that happening with people who are also recognizing… either finding out their autistic later because of their own child being diagnosed, and then having that aha, or for parents whose kids come out, and then they're like, "Oh, that's actually something that I never thought about for myself." And really kind of pull back the curtain on that and get to explore like, and that's where I see, whether it's people who are exploring their neurodivergence, or their gender identity, I see it as an opportunity for the whole family and everyone in their lives, really, to get curious about the ways in which that might be showing up for them too. MEGAN NEFF: I have certainly lived that, where I think the first person to come out in my, like, extended family was one of my children at a youngish age. And then, like, that just kind of, yeah, it's like it opened up a conversation that wasn't a conversation before. And not just in our immediate family, but like beyond that. And it makes me so proud of these kids who, like, are owning who they are, and then, like, empowering the adults to do that. And like, I'm cringing as I say that because it sounds kind of like parentified to be like, the kids are empowering the adults. But I also think there's like generational movements and pieces in there, where a lot of us just grew up, especially, if we grew up religious, in spaces where, like, it just, like, how comfortably my family, like, with our kids, we talk about queerness, and we talk about identity, and like the fact that from a young age, we never defaulted to like, "When you grow up and marry a man." It was like, "When you grow up and have a partner." Like, that just wasn't accessible to so many of us who are in our 30s, and 40s, and beyond. REBECCA MINOR: Absolutely not. Yeah, and adding the religious piece is a whole other element of that, which you and I have talked about, too, of like, part of why I am so comfortable talking about gender and sexuality is I never got that messaging. Like, sex was talked about in a really positive, just normal, kind of, like, it's okay to mention it at the dinner table kind of attitude, which is baffling to other people. And so, I think, yeah, there are real shifts happening generationally, which is like, what we really want to see, right? I feel like that's my, like, life's work is, is working towards that generational change where kids can be exactly who they are and we all need to catch up. PATRICK CASALE: That is a really good point that you both made. But that's exactly what I was saying before in terms of advocacy and having an audience because when we're talking about movements, that's where this stuff comes from is advocacy efforts from people who are willing to show up and share their own stories. And my brain is diverging because Rebecca, you mentioned something before about like, not wanting to post the messy side of life, but then those are the things people are always like, "Oh, yeah, that's exactly what I need." It's just because as people, I just think we're wired for connection, and we want relatability, and we want to know that we're not alone. So, that's the content, too. That's like, you throw something up there, you don't perfect it, and you're just like, yeah, take a glimpse at like what this is like for me on a day-to-day and people are like, "Holy shit, this is my life too." MEGAN NEFF: And I think it adds a layer when we're therapists. I can't remember the name, but there's a New York Times bestseller a few years back now of a therapist who is maybe one of the first to like, the book is about her own mental health. And it was a really a breakthrough moment of like therapists talking about their imperfections because in traditional therapy, it's like you go to the therapist, they're supposed to have it all together, all figured out. But I think people are really responding to… it makes us more human as therapists if, you know, we also have messy kitchens, we also are in process around identities. Now, we know how to contain that, we now have boundaries so that like what's coming into that therapeutic space is intentional. But there's something really powerful that I've seen happening in the last five years, particularly, where therapists are becoming more humanized. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah. REBECCA MINOR: And I think it had to happen. Like, the model of the blank slate, like, barely says anything just like furiously takes notes therapist doesn't work for people. It certainly wouldn't work for my clients. MEGAN NEFF: Particularly, not neurodivergent clients or many queer clients. REBECCA MINOR: No. MEGAN NEFF: It doesn't create safety. REBECCA MINOR: No. And now when I think about retention, I'm like, "Oh, no wonder people are still here." Because like, you can see what's all over my face all the time. Like, there's no… it was feedback I got in grad school, right? Like, you should tone it down. And like, the thing that the feedback I get from clients is like, it's so comforting to me because I always know what you're thinking, or how you're responding to something, or like that you're with me. And it's not intentional, it's just my face. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, if it wasn't your face it would be a lot of effort and energy into masking that expression or that reaction. REBECCA MINOR: Right, right. PATRICK CASALE: And I think clients, they really resonate with that of like, "Oh, my God." Like, my wife will sometimes tell me I need to fix my face because my reactions are my reactions. And she's like, "Don't react that way in this environment." I'm like, "Ooh." But in the therapy room, it's really helpful, it's really therapeutic because like, it takes away from that guessing game that clients sometimes have to play of like, that [INDISCERNIBLE 00:41:24] the way I needed it to, "Are you taken aback by what I said? Are you uncomfortable with what I just told you?" And I like the new era of psychotherapy that we're moving into a blank relatability because I strongly believe this. And I say this all the freaking time that relatability is accessibility. And I believe that wholeheartedly. REBECCA MINOR: I like that. PATRICK CASALE: And on our webpage for our group practice says like, "No head nodding, how does it make you feel? We're therapists here?" And like, we get so many calls from people who are like, "Yeah, you're our people." And my marketing person last year, when we were creating the website was like, "You're going to turn off a lot of clients who are uncomfortable with using the F-bomb and saying it this way." And I'm like, "Good, those are not our clients anyway, we don't want those people to call us." REBECCA MINOR: Right, yeah, that's not your fit. Absolutely. I love that you say no head nodding, how does that make you feel? Because that's the thing, right? Like, that's why people don't want to go to therapy. I hated therapy, initially, when I was forced to go as a child. And like, that poor woman, she tried to have me do art therapy and I scribbled with a black marker all over a piece of paper and was like, [CROSSTALK 00:42:36]- PATRICK CASALE: [CROSSTALK 00:42:40]. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. MEGAN NEFF: That's sassy. I love it. REBECCA MINOR: Was very sassy. She called my mom in and was like, "I'm not sure that this is going to work." PATRICK CASALE: We can't fix her. But what happened to me early on in similar environments is like, the sterile nature of like, how can I ever open up, and be myself, and feel comfortable enough to actually share what's happening for me if it's just sterile, and it's just head nodding, and there's no response. And, you know, I just struggled with that so much growing up as someone who has been in and out of therapy since I was five, and just the reality and realization of like, you can be the best therapist in the world clinically, and use every technique and intervention under the sun, but if there's no relatability, and no ability to build relationship, rapport, and connection, I'm not even listening to you. Like, I'm already thinking about when I leave this place, I'm never coming back here. And that's just the reality. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. I just had a question pop into my head as you were sharing that and I don't know if it feels okay to go here or not. But again, feel free to skip this. But I just wonder what it was like for you having been in and out of therapy since five to not be diagnosed for another 30 years? PATRICK CASALE: Well, to answer your first question first, which is, is it okay to go there? And we encourage all the divergent pathways on this podcast. So, absolutely. I think there's two answers here. I'm doing this [INDISCERNIBLE 00:44:12] Jesus. But there are two answers, right? Like, there's the answer here of me sitting here today who can like zoom out, look at life, and be like, "Wow, that was really hard." And then there's the answer of like, if I can drop into that life at five and onwards, it was really hard, which is what made me seek out diagnosis because I kept, I've told Megan this a million times, I was seeking that like, "What the fuck is happening?" Like, why is this happening to me? Like, why do I feel every second of every day, of every experience, and every situation so intensely? Why is it so hard for me to connect? Like, all of the questions that we ask ourselves, that has been constant for 35 years of life? So, I think it's also this… And I've said this publicly, too, and I know my parents listen to this podcast, but there's almost this, and I think, for a lot of people who are my age, and in this age group who were not diagnosed until later on in life were like, "What the hell is happening here? Like, where did this get missed?" And my mom's response, initially, to my diagnosis was like, "Well, that wasn't my experience of how your childhood was. You were really social and you really do not stop centering, right? Like, let's make it more about what's happening today. Here's the information that I'm sharing with you." But that's what it was. And my mom was an LCSW in private practice, like, how do these things get missed? And I think it's because my parents are divorced, have been divorced since I was five, very messy stuff. I spent a lot of time alone. A lot of times they'll see that I played soccer. I was like, that's what I was supposed to do. And that's just how reality was for me. And I think to sum up your question, the answer is hard, but in different ways. Like, hard now cognitively, to think about it from a therapeutic perspective and as someone who's done a lot of work, and then, hard as like, "Damn, it was really hard just existing." REBECCA MINOR: Yeah, yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I think, as part of my searching for answers, I went and reviewed some of my report cards. And was like, "Hello." Like, it felt so clear. It's like she's so chatty, like, really smart, getting stuff done, but like real peaks and valleys of like, gravely struggling in some subjects, and like, off the charts in others. But again, there are just so many questions where I'm like, "Where were the grownups?" Like, and it's also what information they have, right? Like, I wasn't a boy who was obsessed with trans. Or I wasn't my sibling who was assigned male at birth, who did get an ADHD diagnosis. So, you know, there are a lot of factors at play. But I just think about that, like, holding that reality of having been in various care settings for so long and still feeling like this didn't get picked up. MEGAN NEFF: Diversion two now, but that reminds me… There's an interesting emotional experience that happens and I don't know your sibling, if this tracks, but an example of let's say one child has like level two or level three autism or what would be, I guess, I hear clinicians talk about like more severe ADHD. I don't obviously like that language, but like, more impacted, more evident ADHD, when that child gets diagnosed, the child that perhaps maybe they're level one autism, or maybe they internalize, that sibling often gets missed because so much of the resources is going to the child who's struggling more. Like, that's a unique experience as a sibling. And then when that sibling later in life discovers this identity, I have seen that be a really complex experience of like, the word misattunement comes to mind, like when you're asking Patrick about, yes, 30 years of therapy, especially, 30 years in misattunement when we're discovering that much of our life was happening in this context of misattunement, either from therapists or from our families, that's painful. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah. And much like Patrick, I had, you know, the context of very messy divorce and a whole… You know, there were so many things happening, that it wasn't the focal point. And I was doing well in school. So, it just didn't really matter because there weren't, you know, and I didn't have behavioral issues besides being chatty. MEGAN NEFF: Did you have mental health issues. REBECCA MINOR: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. MEGAN NEFF: Right, that's the classic story, right? Like, we internalize. REBECCA MINOR: I am like the queen of having a panic attack in the bathroom and coming back to class and looking like everything's fine. So, yeah, totally, it came out in other ways and physical ways too that I'm now tracking. I'm like, "Oh, it's not normal for eight-year-olds to have migraines." Or like, you know, so consistently. Or other, you know, various stomach stuff like GI is so often connected to. I missed so much high school for like, what no one could figure out GI symptoms. They were just like, "Take some Prilosec, good luck." But it wasn't until I started managing my anxiety better that, that made sense, right? So, yeah, there's so many… I think misattunement is a useful frame for that. And I think feels really validating to think about it through that lens. And I also have a mother who's a LICSW. MEGAN NEFF: Wait, and I have a dad who's a psychologist. REBECCA MINOR: Oh, wow. MEGAN NEFF: [CROSSTALK 00:50:34] like family systems was that we all became. Fascinating. REBECCA MINOR: It is fascinating. And it's been fascinating to unpack some of that too. Like being, like, it's not just my sibling to have it, but like I have it, and also, like, mom, you might have it too. PATRICK CASALE: Absolutely, those are good conversations to have when you're able to have them. I was telling Megan that I had one with my dad while I took him to Spain for his birthday a couple of months ago. And I was like, we're drinking, which I knew this conversation was going to come from that. But I was like, "Yeah, so I don't know, if you've been listening to my podcast. I'm autistic, you've never asked me about it. I think you're autistic too. And here are all the reasons why I think you're autistic." And instead of, like, this rebuttal or reaction, just like, "Yeah, that makes sense." And I was like, "I don't know what to do with this information now." I was expecting a very different conversation. But this is why I like and I've talked about this on here too, like, IFS work and re-parenting work, and inner child work so much because even though it's still a struggle for me when my therapist is like, "What would you do with five-year-old Patrick? And how would you comfort him?" And I'm like, "I don't fucking know. I have no idea how to answer that." But the parts work and the ability to piece that together, and like stress it out, and like look at it from a million different perspectives is super useful for me. And it's honestly, the first modality that I've been like, yeah, this is my jam. Like, everything else I don't care about anymore. This is the only way I'll do therapy going forward. REBECCA MINOR: Same. MEGAN NEFF: That's true. REBECCA MINOR: I do like EMDR, but IFS… MEGAN NEFF: Oh, yeah, you do EMDR, don't you? REBECCA MINOR: Yeah, not as much anymore, but it was useful. MEGAN NEFF: I'm feeling a collective like, is this our collective conversations coming to an end? Or is this a collective-like, sigh of the heaviness of what we've just been talking about? What is this energy I'm feeling? REBECCA MINOR: It felt more like the latter to me. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, yeah. Me too. PATRICK CASALE: Yes, me too. Yeah, I actually feel like we could have this like a five-hour podcast episode right now, which feels really good. It feels like it's been a good conversation. I have no idea how long we've been talking. So, to everyone listening, if you're still listening, we appreciate it. We've been talking for over an hour. So, I think we can continue on, I think we can do a lot of different things right now. MEGAN NEFF: Rebecca, do you have a hard stop at 1:00 your time? Okay. REBECCA MINOR: I do. I actually for one of the very first times in my life, I put a buffer between this and my next. Actually, I'm going to be on another podcast. I'm having a podcast day. But now that's something that I'm learning to do for myself. It's been really hard, and it's still hard. But I am trying to put space between things and not push myself past my limits. It's really revolutionary. MEGAN NEFF: I'm going to check in on you on that in like a month. I'm going to be like, "How are the buffers?" Because, yeah, I've noticed that about your schedule. REBECCA MINOR: Right, yeah, yeah. And while we're on an IFS kick, I explored that kind of urgency in IFS and that's been really interesting working with that, and also, like, as a legacy burden, that something that we inherit, but also, how much of that has to do with my neurodivergence and that I have so many ideas, and I'm afraid I'll lose something or something's falling through the cracks, or I'll forget if I don't hurry and do it right now. Or I'm like, "Oh, I need to empty the dishwasher." And then, I'm halfway through that when something else comes up, and yeah. PATRICK CASALE: [CROSSTALK 00:54:55] head nodding right now. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, like the inability to trust my energy. And what I mean by that. So, like, if I have an interest in a project, I have to pounce, even if it means I'm staying up to 1:00 and I'm not doing any of the sleep hygiene stuff I always talk about because it's, I don't know that this interest, therefore, this energy will be reliable and available to me tomorrow. So, there is that like, sense of urgency because I don't trust my mind or I don't trust my energy. And that's it. Like, that's a hard aspect of being ADHD is the difficulty trusting will my mind hold this? Will my energy be there? Will my interest be there? And not being able to predict therefore schedule. I think that's why non-ADHDers when they're like, "Let's do a planner, and let's schedule." What they don't realize of part of why that's so hard for the ADHD brain not just breaking up tasks, but like, I don't know what kind of energy I'm going to wake up with on to Wednesday. So, how do I schedule out? Like, am I going to have a lot of cognitive energy, but not much body energy, or flipped? Yeah. REBECCA MINOR: Did your camera just move? MEGAN NEFF: It did, yes. When I do hand motions it moves. REBECCA MINOR: It's not making things up. MEGAN NEFF: No, that happened. PATRICK CASALE: Now, it feels like we're in an ending place. That's at least how I'm picking up on what we're experiencing. REBECCA MINOR: You know, what I realized, though? We never talked about the thing we said we were going to talk about, with like the polls and stuff, which we don't need to. MEGAN NEFF: Oh, like getting into the detailed experience of when these identities intersect. Yeah, yeah, we can link to our masterclass that we have where we do like, and I think that's probably better because that's more of a kind of content lecture-based presentation. And it's probably, a more helpful way to absorb all that kind of high-up information. But yeah, basically, when the identities intersect, it's really complicated. It complicates both identities. You and I have talked about that a lot from like, sensory to executive functioning, to navigating medical systems. And yes, we have a whole masterclass, it's an hour-long that's available. Oh, we should make a coupon code for people who listened so they can get it at a lower rate? I'll do that. And we'll put it in the notes. But is there anything that we didn't talk about around the intersection that you feel like is important? REBECCA MINOR: I think probably just acknowledging that some of the challenges will be a little bit different. And to try your best, as hard as it can be to find a provider who will understand both of those experiences, which is tricky. MEGAN NEFF: It's tricky. REBECCA MINOR: And if not, you made that helpful flowchart of kind of like, which one is harder right now? And focusing on that. Like, if it feels like the autism is like the key piece, then find someone who really knows their stuff about autism, and hopefully, is decent about gender. And kind of fill in the gaps where you can and vice versa because there aren't a lot of us who are, you know, equally is hyper fixated on this intersection. MEGAN NEFF: Oh, sorry. REBECCA MINOR: No, go ahead. MEGAN NEFF: I was just going to say we should also do a shout-out to FINN's work. We're both Finn's consultation group, Finn Gratton. They have Supporting Autistic Youth, I think is the title. I have it back here. I'll link that in the show notes as well. But that's for clinicians listening, please go buy that book. It's amazing. And I think also for parents, it's a great resource. And even for individuals. I think it's a really validating read. It's more intended for parents and therapists, but I think for individuals it's also a great read. So, there are some wonderful resources available at this intersection. And we will point to some of those. REBECCA MINOR: Yeah, and I think it's a danger to assume that you're never going to need to know that or it's not your population that you work with. Like, I didn't focus a lot on autism because I was like, "I'm in the gender world." And then I was like, "Wait a minute, you literally cannot be in the gender world without also understanding autism." MEGAN NEFF: And same ways you cannot be working with neurodivergent clients and not understand gender queerness, yeah, yeah. REBECCA MINOR: And that's one thing that's also been really nice with the parent coaching is being able to work with parents who are navigating both of those pieces and they do present with different concerns around their kid less so like, are they really trans or do they really know? But more just that, I think they've been very hands-on parents a lot of the time because what's often- MEGAN NEFF: Often the neurodivergence, yeah, absolutely, yeah. REBECCA MINOR: So, that, and like that kind of like autism mom trope, and like, needing to be on top of every detail, and like, it really blindsides them because they're like, "No, I know, my kid and I know what they need." And navigating that combination can be really tricky and… MEGAN NEFF: Especially, medically because medical providers might see that and be like, "Is the parent pushing this kid's identity piece? The kid needs to be more involved." But maybe the child cannot speak in those medical settings, maybe. And so, the parent often becomes more of an advocate, and that gets complicated when navigating gender affirming medical care. REBECCA MINOR: Absolutely. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah. REBECCA MINOR: It's really pieces too of like, "Oh, well, they're saying they want us to call them this new name and these new pronouns, but they're not changing their clothes." I'm like, "Well, have you considered that those are the clothes that are familiar, and they're comfortable, and that…" Like, frankly, a lot of what we consider women's clothing is not comfortable. So, you know, maybe they're not wanting to like shimmy themselves into something that's so tight they can't breathe. And that's not an indicator of whether or not they're exploring their gender. So, yeah, that's what I'm happy to help people with. MEGAN NEFF: Yeah, can you share a little bit about where people can find you? I know, you've got several resources for parents. And yeah, can you share a little bit about that. REBECCA MINOR: My website is genderspecialist.com. And on there, I have a course called How to Talk to Kids About Gender, that's for all parents. It's not specific to folks who have trans or gender-expansive kids, but just if you know or care about kids, here are some helpful ways to talk about gender with them. And then, also, information about [PH 01:02:20] peer coaching, which is great because it's not bound by licensure. So, I can work with folks wherever they are. So, I've actually been able to do some of that internationally, lately, which is really cool. And otherwise, I have lots of free downloads and like a glossary of terms because there's a lot of language to learn and some basics like Now What guides of like, "Okay, so my kid just came out like… Now what?" So, I've got you covered there, and lots of blogs. And then, as you mentioned earlier, I'm also on Instagram @gender.specialist. So, yeah. MEGAN NEFF: Awesome, awesome. Thank you so much for taking the time. I know your schedule is wildly busy. So, thank you. Oh, my gosh, my voice. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your schedule to talk with us. This has been a fun conversation. REBECCA MINOR: Thank you so much. It was so nice to finally meet you, Patrick. PATRICK CASALE: Yeah, you too. This was great. So, really awesome conversation. Thank you so much for being on here. REBECCA MINOR: Thanks, guys. PATRICK CASALE: And to everyone listening to the Divergent Conversations Podcast, all of Rebecca's information will be in the show notes, links, all of the things we talked about today, and all the things that Megan mentioned, as well. And new episodes are out on every single Friday. Like, download, subscribe, and share.
If you haven't listened to episode #70, you might want to go back now and listen before returning here. Perhaps you've been there; sitting on the edge of your 15-year-old daughter's bed while she cries and pleads with you not to make her go to school because she “just can't.” Or maybe you've stood outside the bathroom door while your 13-year-old son intermittently throws up and yells that he's “never going back to that school!” Statistically speaking, you may have had an experience like this or you may just be in the position before it's all said and done. School refusal or school avoidance – different terms for the same thing – simply means your kid will not go to school or will not stay at school all day long. It's a horrible position for a parent to be in and the schools generally don't make it any easier. Enter Jane Demsky and her School Avoidance Alliance. Jayne has certainly been there with her son – around four years was spent with her trying to figure out how to get her son back in school. The following resources are from Jayne:School Avoidance Master Class for Parents (includes Parent Peer to Peer Support Group)Educator Professional Development course, Everything You Need to know to Get Your Kids Back to SchoolOur private FB group for familiesFor School Avoidance Families; The Ultimate Guide to Working with Your School (Provides guidance on how to work with your school and includes simple explanations of special education and disability laws, 504 plans, Education Plans- IEPs and School Intervention teams)Our website: www.schoolavoidance.org See the Show Notes for more resources Transcript (for both 70 and 71)"I just wanted to let you know that I'm so thankful for your podcast! ...I'm so happy I discovered it!" Speaking of Teens ListenerPlease be sure to share this episode with another mom you think may find it helpful and follow the show right here where you're listening. New episodes are uploaded every Tuesday morning. I would love to get your feedback and ideas for the show. Reach out to me with ideas for the show or guest suggestions at firstname.lastname@example.org. This show is for you, and I want to make sure I'm bringing you the insight and information you need the most!Ann ColemanPrivacyJoin our Facebook Group for Free Support for Parents and others who care for Teens (and get immediate access to all the parenting guides above!)
Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: The Hacker and the Beggar, published by IsabelHasse on September 18, 2023 on The Effective Altruism Forum. I am writing a musical. This is the opening scene to that musical. Enjoy! Beggar: Hey, do you have a dollar or two? I really need to get something to eat. Hacker: You know, I do, but I'm not gonna give it to you. Sorry, man. Beggar: What? Hacker: I do have some money, but I don't want to give you any. Beggar: Man, fuck you. Hacker: You know, I get how you feel. It'd probably feel better if I told you I didn't have any, right? Beggar: That's what people usually say. Hacker: Yeah, people lie. It's a tough world out there. (Beat) Mind if I sit? Beggar: Sure. (The Hacker sits down on the bench next to the Beggar) Hacker: Here's the deal. All resources are finite. There's only so many dollars in the world, right? And even fewer in my pocket. Every dollar I give to you, I'm not using for anything else. And there are a ridiculously unfathomable number of possible things I could do with that dollar. So this one choice to do one thing is really a choice to not do an unfathomable number of other things. You following me? Beggar: You're saying you'd rather, what, buy yourself a candy bar? Hacker: I'm not talking about any one thing. I'm talking about all of them. But let's narrow it down. Say I'm looking to give the dollar away. Do some good, yeah? Well, why not give it to NASA, or to some villager in Uganda who has tuberculosis, or to a guy running for Congress who says he'll get rid of homelessness if he gets elected? Why not give it to.I don't know, anteater conservation, or moth welfare, or my mom, or that other homeless guy down the block? I can't give the one dollar to all of those things at once. It's just one dollar. Beggar: So what are you going to do with it? Hacker: That's exactly it! I mean, who knows what I'm really going to do with the dollar? It's all up to the whims of my future self, isn't it? Is he the kind of guy who decides to give an extra dollar to research into neglected tropical diseases this month? Or is he the kind of guy to forget all this and go buy himself a candy bar? Statistically, I'm the candy bar guy, and who am I to argue with statistics? Do I really think I'm that special? Beggar: So you might as well give it to me? Hacker: Well, maybe, but hear me out - am I doing you a favor, giving you a dollar? What's a homeless guy gonna spend an extra buck on? Drugs, right? So maybe not, then. But here's the thing - who am I to say it's a bad idea for you to get yourself some drugs? I don't know you. I don't know your life. Some people like drugs. So what? Who gave me the authority to decide if you should treat yourself to a little fentanyl? And I mean, if nobody gave money to drug addicts, you might all start dying from withdrawal, and then that's on me, isn't it? Beggar: Hey, I'm not a drug addict, I swear. I just need something to eat. Hacker: Maybe you do. And hey, I'm not judging. I'm just thinking out loud. The thing is, it is on me if you go into withdrawal, or go hungry today, but it's also on me that that guy in Uganda is dying of tuberculosis. It's all on me. I'm responsible for all of it. And it's not just money. Every second I spend sitting here talking to you, I'm not spending on literally anything else. I could be working extra hours, making more money, so I could give to all of those things and still have a buck left to give to you. Time is money, money is time, resources are finite. It all comes back to that. Beggar: So why are you still here? Hacker. I don't know, man. I got shit to say, I guess. I'm working through a lot of stuff right now, you know? I got this nine to five job, right, I'm making money, I give some of it away. So, good. That's better than most people. Maybe I'm a good person, then. Or maybe everyone else is even s...
Respondents to your surveys are like notes in a symphony of data: if the right notes are played, you have a musical masterpiece. But if some are playing wrong notes, a dissonant chaos of sound can confuse the listeners. In the inaugural edition of The CX Leader Quick Tips Minicast, Walker expert Tanner Smith discusses how CX experts can make certain they're playing the right notes so they have clear insights into their customers. Listen to more Quick Tips at https://cxleaderpodcast.com/quicktips/ Learn more about Walker at https://walkerinfo.com/
Guest Bios Show Transcript What do you do when you're being bullied by your Christian employer? Do you take it and simply turn the other cheek? Or, do you confront it, hoping for repentance and justice? Unfortunately, workplace bullying has become a major issue—not just in secular contexts, but in the church. In this podcast, Julie explores this issue with the whistleblower who exposed Dane Ortlund, Emily Hyland, and anti-bullying expert, Paul Coughlin. Ortlund is a Chicago-area pastor and author of the best-selling book, Gentle and Lowly. But, according to Emily, he's not very gentle or lowly; he's a bully—and a misogynist. And she says, when she complained about Ortlund's behavior to the elders of Naperville Presbyterian Church, where Emily worked, they fired her. Since then, Emily has filed a complaint with the Illinois Department of Human Rights, claiming retaliation. Last December, the Department of Human Rights ruled in Emily's favor and found “substantial evidence” of retaliation by Dane and Naperville Presbyterian. In this podcast, Emily tells her story and updates us on her case. She also shares insights about responding to bullying she gained from her firsthand experience. Anti-bullying expert Paul Coughlin also contributes to the podcast, sharing advice he's gained over decades of dealing with bullies. Paul met Emily at last year's Restore Conference. And Paul has been a source of support and wisdom for Emily throughout her whistleblowing process. If you've ever had to deal with a bully—or are dealing with one now—you'll find this podcast invaluable. Guests Emily Hyland Emily Hyland earned her bachelors in Molecular Genetics and Biotechnology before working for the Office of Naval Research in Washington, DC. While there she received a MHSA in Management & Leadership from The George Washington University. She has worked with the US Army and the Office of the Surgeon General, Accenture, GE, and across finance, manufacturing, health services, and information technology. Recently, she was the Director of Operations at Naperville Presbyterian Church in suburban Illinois. She is married and has three children. Paul Coughlin Paul Coughlin is an author, an international speaker and the founder and president of The Protectors, which is dedicated to helping schools, organizations and communities combat bullying. His books include No More Christian Nice Guy, Raising Bully-Proof Kids and 5 Secrets Great Dads Know. Paul and his wife, Sandy, reside in central Oregon and have three teenage children. Learn more about Paul and his organization at www.theprotectors.org. Show Transcript SPEAKERS JULIE ROYS, EMILY HYLAND, PAUL COUGHLIN JULIE ROYS 00:04 What do you do when you're being bullied by your Christian employer? Do you take it and simply turn the other cheek? Or do you confront it, hoping for repentance and justice? Welcome to the Roys report, a podcast dedicated to reporting the truth and restoring the church. I'm Julie Roys and joining me on this episode are Emily Hyland and Paul Coughlin. As you may remember, Emily is the whistleblower who filed a complaint with the Illinois Department of Human Rights concerning a well-known Chicago area pastor, Dane Ortlund. Ortlund is the author of the best-selling book, Gentle and Lowly. But according to Emily, he's not very gentle or lowly. He's a bully and a misogynist. And she says when she complained about Ortlund's behavior to the elders of Naperville Presbyterian Church, where Ortlund pastors, they fired her. But last December, the Department of Human Rights ruled in Emily's favor. It found substantial evidence of retaliation by Dane and Naperville Presbyterian Church in Emily's firing. And now that case is going to trial. Plus, there have been some additional charges added to that case. So, stay tuned, and you'll hear all about that. But also joining me on this podcast is Paul Coughlin. Paul is an expert on bullying and a repeat guest here on The Roys Report. He also was a speaker at last year's Restore conference. And I know from talking to Emily that she took pages of notes from Paul's talk, which was super eye opening. And it's out of that relationship and collaboration between Paul and Emily, that started at Restore, that this podcast was envisioned. I know many of you have experienced bullying in a Christian workplace. I get emails about this all the time. It's bad enough to be bullied in any workplace. But when it happens at a church or an organization that's supposed to be Christian, it's especially painful. So, I'm really looking forward to our podcast today. But before we dive in, I want to thank our sponsors, Judson University, and Marquardt of Barrington if you're looking for a top ranked Christian University, providing a caring community and an excellent college experience, Judson University is for you. Judson is located on 90 acres just 40 miles west of Chicago in Elgin, Illinois. The school offers more than 60 majors, great leadership opportunities and strong financial aid. Plus, you can take classes online as well as in person. Judson University is shaping lives that shaped the world. For more information, just go to JUDSONU.EDU. Also, if you're looking for a quality new or used car, I highly recommend my friends at Marquardt of Barrington. Marquardt is a Buick GMC dealership where you can expect honesty, integrity, and transparency. That's because the owners there Dan and Kurt Marquardt, are men of integrity. To check them out, just go to BUYACAR123.com. Well, again, joining me is the whistleblower in the Dane Ortlund discrimination and retaliation case, Emily Hyland. Emily was the Operations Director at Naperville Presbyterian Church in Naperville, Illinois. But in March 2021, just nine days after complaining of discrimination and bullying to church elders, Emily was abruptly fired. And she has two cases pending right now, one before the Illinois Department of Human Rights, and another with the Illinois Department of Labor. So, Emily, welcome. I'm so glad you could join us. EMILY HYLAND 03:30 Thank you, Julie. And thank you for your continued support and drawing attention to these important issues that men and women face when they're in a church and employed by one. JULIE ROYS 03:40 Well, it's my pleasure to do so. And again, also joining us is Paul Coughlin, founder of the anti-bullying group, The Protectors. He's also the author of a number of best-selling books, including No More Christian Nice Guy and Raising Bullyproof Kids. He's also worked with the Baltimore Ravens and is an expert witness. So, Paul, welcome back. It's just so great to be with you again. PAUL COUGHLIN 04:02 Great to be back. It's always wonderful. And Emily, good to hear your voice. JULIE ROYS 04:07 Well, it's so cool that the both of you actually met at the Restore conference. And I know that was before any of this became public. It's before the Illinois Department of Human Rights found substantial evidence of retaliation by the church and Dane Ortlund. But Paul, let me just start with you and ask when you first met Emily, what was your impression of her case and just what she had been through? PAUL COUGHLIN 04:33 Well, you know, you hear a lot of the same things when it comes to people who have been abused either adolescent bullying but then also bullying in the workplace, particularly faith centric areas. And honestly, what you often hear is a good amount of confusion at first. Many times, people who have this confusion going in their minds, they often may take it out on themselves as opposed to really seeing it more clearly, and in seeing it more clearly, it's not the fault of the target. It is the fault of the bully, and in many cases, the serial bully. JULIE ROYS 05:09 I hear a lot of these stories. And it's usually Wow, this is so awful. But I'm not expecting justice with the Illinois Department of Human Rights. You hardly ever get a ruling in your favor. Were you surprised when you heard that she had gotten this ruling? PAUL COUGHLIN 05:24 Very much so. I mean, Emily had a substantial case, substantial amount of evidence. And you know that evidence comes from people who, you know, obviously are willing to talk. Do you know how many people are not willing to talk? They know the score, but for a few fundamental reasons, they remain quiet, probably because they're worried that they'll be next. So, we have a substantial case, where chances are few people really spoke up. JULIE ROYS 05:50 And again, that case is pending. And towards the end of this podcast, Emily, I'm going to have you update us on the latest developments, because there are some really important ones there. But let's back up to your story, and what happened to you, Emily, for those who haven't read the news reports. I mean, it came out in December, even if you did read the report, you might be a little bit rusty on what happened. Would you give us the cliff notes of what happened to you, that led you to file this claim with the Illinois Department of Human Rights? EMILY HYLAND 06:21 Well, in some ways, it starts back before 2020 to my time at the church. I had been there since 2006, and Dane joined in 2007. So, for over a decade, we existed as two members of the same church, running into each other, same classes, same age kids. And so, when the former senior pastor left, a search committee was put together, Dane was on it. Two years go by and no senior pastor candidate. Well, then it's announced, Dane is going to be the senior pastor candidate. And by that time, I was on staff and the director of operations. And I was surprised because he hadn't been a pastor before. And I knew that the requirements for the job had been five years of pastoring experience. But I was since I knew him, I mean, he wasn't a stranger. I had no inclinations that this was something that was going to be so catastrophic. But when he started, things just weren't right. And they continued to get more wrong as the months went on. And as I started really telling myself, this isn't what you think, it's not right. I mean, maybe you're off, maybe you're just being a little petty. I had this mindset that was getting progressively more confused. And I was just talking circles to myself. And then finally, I happen to read in that February of 2021, when the Ravi Zacharias report came out. And in addition to obviously, the terrible accounts of sexual predation was the organizational aspect and how staff who raised questions who were having legitimate concerns, they weren't buying some of the early propaganda that was being put out, that those staff were being bullied. And I read those reports, and I looked at this, and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, that is what is going on here. And I was shocked, because I finally had words and labels to what I was feeling, what I was experiencing. And so, I take the next maybe month, I read up a little bit more about the differences between bullying, harassment, rudeness, inconsiderateness, to really make sure that I'm linguistically precise in this matter. And it comes to a head when I call up two of the elders, and I tell them privately, I think I'm being bullied. I think it's because I'm a woman. I myself had a hard time getting those words out, because I didn't want to be bullied. And I didn't want it to be because of my gender. So, the two elders sat on this for a little bit, because Dane was out of town. And when they brought it to Dane, that next Monday, it started the floor falling out of everything, where it was very swiftly after that, then maybe 12 hours, that I was going to be fired. And it took a few days. And in the meantime, I didn't know what was happening. I just knew that this couldn't continue. This was not the right behavior. I wanted the elders to help me navigate this and to be safe in it. But that's not at all what happened. That at the end of the week, Dane fired me, and they had no elder walk me out the door. And then I was done. They follow that up by Dane telling the staff that I had been fired for cause and to not reach out to me. JULIE ROYS 09:53 In a day. Right. You lost your church of how many years? EMILY HYLAND 09:58 I had been there almost 15 years by that point. JULIE ROYS 10:02 You lost your job. You lost your church family. And you were ostracized at this point. People weren't even talking to you, correct? EMILY HYLAND 10:12 Oh, right. Yeah, it was full on disfellowshipping. I mean, I didn't know what that word was until somebody told me I was like, Ooh, yeah, that is exactly what it is. I had people who wouldn't even look at me in public. These were people I had served with for 15 years. And I didn't believe it could happen. I still I mean, my husband still cannot process that element of it, which is that he cannot believe that people who I've been with for that long would turn because I didn't do anything to them. I didn't even say anything publicly about Dane. I mean, this was two conversations with elders. And now people won't speak to me. And that really continues now. JULIE ROYS 10:50 Really, to this day? Yeah. And I want you to comment on this, Paul. But first, I'd like to read a statement by Dave Veerman, who was an elder at the time. So, he participated in the firing. A few months after it happened, clearly had a change of heart, and he resigned himself. And his statement really played a pivotal role in the Illinois Department of Human Rights in their ruling. So, I'd like to read it. I can't read the whole thing just because of the length. But some portions I think would be really instructive as to what happened and even corroborating what you're saying. So, this is what he writes. The 2021 version of the Personnel Committee met a couple of times via zoom to discuss a few relatively minor issues. Then we got word that Dane wanted to have us deal with a serious issue with a staff member. At this Zoom meeting on March 16, he said he wanted to let Emily go and made vague references about her performance and relationships with other staff. He also said that he had met with her a couple of times, so we thought she had a pretty good idea of where this was heading. Let me just pause there. Did you have any idea you were going to be fired? EMILY HYLAND 10:51 None. It was so shocking. And this was two days before Palm Sunday. I mean, it is going into the biggest week of the Church year, and to just be like, Oh, we don't need a director of operations. And we certainly don't need her to do any turnover. We don't need her to give us any of the information that she has been using in her job for eight years. I was completely surprised. JULIE ROYS 12:18 Well, and apparently Dave shared your sentiments there. He writes, this news was a shock to us because we had always been impressed with Emily and what she had done for the church. In addition, we had just had a session meeting on March 15, in which nothing had been said about her and her performance. Dane also said that Emily had gone to two elders that she felt close to, and thought would listen empathically and give wise counsel. Later, I learned that she had shared how she had been mistreated recently by Dane and was asking advice on how she should respond. And then I'm gonna skip through some of it and read. He describes that he had several meetings, then with elders and different people. Then he writes, even though I didn't know Emily's side of the story, I voted to move ahead with Dane's recommendation. Our next step was to inform the other elders. So, the three of us each took a few men to call. Then Dane set up a meeting with Emily for Friday, March 19, to inform her and he asked me to be there. At that brief meeting at 1pm, Dane fired Emily saying it was, quote, the will of the session. Unsurprisingly, Emily was quite upset, although trying to maintain her composure. I tried to just listen and not say much. She started reading the agreement. Apparently was there an NDA that they had given you? EMILY HYLAND 13:32 Yeah. On top of the details regarding severance. JULIE ROYS 13:35 Is there anything remarkable about that, or pretty standard? 13:39 I think that it was passed off as something that oh, this is just how we do things. We don't really know what's in here. But I read contracts very thoroughly and to be like, Wow, no NDA, no severance. That was how it was written, is that if I did not sign away, my legal rights, agree to confidentiality and agree to a non-disparagement, I mean, never saying anything negative about the pastors, the officers, the church or how I was treated. That was the only way I was gonna get any severance. And that's how it was written. There was no mention of why I was terminated. It wasn't for cause that was it. JULIE ROYS 14:15 I wish I could say that that was remarkable in some way. I've learned that's very unremarkable that's very similar to what I got from the Moody Bible Institute when I was fired. And so many people that I've talked to are getting NDAs now, and I'm glad that this issue is coming to the fore. That people are realizing that churches now are giving NDAs, that Christian organizations are giving them and they're about as carnal a document as there is and it is there to protect the institution; has nothing and no care and concern for the employee. As a sister in Christ or a part of the church, but I digress on my editorial comment on that one. But NDAs are just I just think they're evil. He continues to write, Emily brought up her recollection of being bullied and strongly pushed back on the decision because of the current cultural attitudes toward misogyny. Skipping ahead. Later, I learned that at 3:30pm, a staff meeting was held to announce Emily's termination. Dane said 1) Emily was fired for cause, 2) the decision was the will of the session, a session being in a Presbyterian Church sort of the equivalent of the elder board, and 3) staff should not contact her. I need to say that because of Dane's actions, a few months later, I resigned as an elder and my wife and I left the church. Not to go into many details, but at that time I heard Dane give many of the same rationalizations and explanations for his attitudes and actions in this precipitating conflict. It made me rethink my decision regarding Emily, that I had made a mistake. My agreeing to terminate Emily's employment was based almost entirely on believing the word of Dane, my pastor. I realized now that I should have looked deeper, ask more questions, and met with Emily to get her side of the story. And again, that's Dave Veerman, a former elder there at Naperville Presbyterian church. Paul, as you listen to this letter, I could see on your face, yes, we're on Zoom, by the way, folks, but I could tell that you're resonating with some things in there. But what stood out to you, as you heard that letter? PAUL COUGHLIN 16:22 That elder is a rare person, sadly. I mean, that's a rare person who's going to stick their neck out like that. But those are the people who really keep integrity on the table. So, if I had a hat on, I would take it off to that gentleman. You know, there's a lot of things that Emily has talked about. And we spoke earlier about the pattern of behavior, right, that people undergo. And when you recognize that pattern, you begin to realize you're not crazy. And one of the things that is so painful for targets is betrayal. You could hear it in Emily's voice. And she talked about it; people not talking to her, been at the same church for something like 15 years and people don't talk to you. The emotional impact of bullying in the workplace itself is swampy for many people. And then you have this being ostracized. And one thing I'd like to point out for any workplace, but especially faith centric workplaces, is that you're going to expect people to live by a certain level of integrity. And sadly, for whatever reason, it seems to be baked into the system, betrayal is coming. I'm reminded, and I've experienced that we've all licked our wounds when it comes to this behavior. I'm reminded of that wonderful movie Braveheart, where William Wallace was in. JULIE ROYS 17:45 One of my favorites, by the way. PAUL COUGHLIN 17:46 I'm not surprised. He's betrayed by his best friend. And because of that, his heart is completely taken out of the battle, he doesn't care anymore. That is what will happen to us. And so, what I would like to say to our listeners right now is that don't be surprised by the betrayal. For some reason, it is baked into the system, in most cases, most of the time. I'm reminded by that quote from Martin Luther King, who said, in the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. It's just how it goes down. It's par for the course. But I would also want to say to the people listening now who could be that support structure around others, please keep that in mind. You can play a profound role, not just in bringing fairness into the workplace and with integrity, but also in the psychological and spiritual bolstering of another person, you're that important. JULIE ROYS 18:49 And I've heard that repeatedly from people who have been victims of spiritual abuse, church abuse, retaliation, bullying. That they can handle that there's one bad apple. Like, they can handle that there's a bully pastor out there, right? They can deal with that. What they can't deal with, is that everybody got in line with that guy. Everybody stood there silently, while they were excoriated for false charges against them, whatever, and that the average person stood by and did nothing. And that's been my experience. I know, I just had a birthday recently. I don't even know if I should say this. But, you know, you get these greetings from folks that you're like, wait, you haven't talked to me since the day I was fired! In fact, you wouldn't take my phone calls. But okay. Thanks for the Happy Birthday. Appreciate that. I mean, it's one of those things that's just absolutely stunning. And this is why I think spiritual abuse and church hurt is far worse and more fundamental than other kinds of abuse. And I'm not meaning to minimize certainly all of them are horrible, horrible. But there's something about this that just goes to the core of your belief system of who you think people are. And if we don't separate out, God's people from God Himself, can really mess up and distort our image of who God is. And I think there's so many people deconstructing today, whatever you want to call it, are just trying to come to grips with what is it that was true that I believed and what was just the stuff that I accepted with it that really wasn't? And I know there's people listening who are there, I've been there, right? I'm still there to some degree, you know. PAUL COUGHLIN 20:39 And Julie, could I add to that our Lord was bullied before He was crucified. Our Lord knows exactly what it's like to experience betrayal, false accusations, to put up with the arrogance and the hubris of other people. And he can empathize with our weaknesses, he knows exactly what it was like, because the crucifixion included many of the same components of workplace bullying. So he is on our side, he knows exactly how we feel, and he is there for us. EMILY HYLAND 21:11 I thought about that over the last few years, when you take communion, and it starts with on the night he was betrayed. You can just stop right there and say, Jesus knows what it's like to be betrayed, and forsaken by everyone who you thought was for you and with you. I mean, to identify in that aspect of religious community is a thread of hope you can have because Jesus knows betrayal. JULIE ROYS 21:39 I'm so glad that you both brought that up. Because I think the ability to identify with Christ in his sufferings, if you've been through something like this, is much greater. And yet, as I've experienced it, the eye opening thing hasn't so much been that I get to suffer with him. But it makes me so much more aware of how hideous the suffering that Jesus endured. Just having tasted a small amount of what he went through, has given me just such a greater appreciation for the suffering of Christ by being able to enter into it again, in a very small way, comparatively. PAUL COUGHLIN 22:21 Julie, one thing I tried to point out for people who you've talked about, like deconstructing faith, and all three of us have gone through its process right. In my mind, one thing that I have tried to do to try to keep things clear is the difference between churchianity and Christianity. And I think when we see this suffering of Christ, of such great unfairness, I see that in the category of true Christianity, that's what it's about. What we are experiencing in faith centric organizations is what I would call churchianity. And I believe that there's obviously overlap between the two. But also, there's great distinctions. I think that's very helpful for people who have been abused so that they can start thinking of it in terms like that, because it helps them hopefully not throw the baby out with the bathwater, where it's all bad, and it's all wrong. Rather, it helps to put it in context. JULIE ROYS 22:22 Well, much of what we're going to be talking about in this podcast is really looking back and thinking, what I wish I had known then that I know now, because it is a learning process. And man, can it be a rude awakening, but an important one. It's like the matrix as the red pill or the blue pill, right? You know, those of us who have taken I don't know, is it the red pill that opens your eyes? But yeah, if you take that pill, there's no undoing it, and you see it. Let me just start with you, Emily, I know one of the things that you said, if you were to do this over again, is you would stop talking to yourself and start listening to yourself. What do you mean by that? EMILY HYLAND 23:55 Well, as I said earlier, I think I was talking myself in circles, and something would happen, and I would disconnect from my intuition. It felt wrong, but I told myself, nah, and I downplayed the harm that was coming, which I know now, like, that's not mercy. Mercy is an intentional weighing of the harm that you receive, and a decision to forgive it. To just dismiss harm, and to downplay it and pretend like that wasn't harm, that's actually not mercy. I think that, particularly to Christian circles, we think of the Spirit speaking through our intuition. For instance, if I had an intuition to go and talk to a neighbor, and invite them to a church choir service, we would say that that's the you know, Spirit leading you. But it doesn't work in the other way. Like if you have this intuition that, you know, I think something's wrong here. I think my pastor isn't behaving as a pastor should, that your mind does not really like that absolutely could be the Spirit speaking on your attentions, you're trying to tell it this Be quiet, and to stop talking. And so, I think I was trying to rationalize away a pattern of events. And now, if I could go back, I would have told myself Stop, listen to how you're feeling, and especially your sympathetic system. I mean, that is there by God's design. And when we feel fear, when we feel out of control, when we feel afraid, or wanting to run away, or pressured, and those hormones start making you feel stressed and anxious, that's not nothing. That's your body responding to something that is really happening. And that I should have been listening much more carefully to that, instead of just telling myself in my higher brain, oh, don't bother with that. It was like, No, this is merely myself trying to protect myself. And I discounted it for a very long time. Until one day, like I said, I just happened to read a description of what workplace bullying in Christian ministry looked like. And it was like my intuition just got plugged in all at once. And it was like, Whoa, now, what followed was my intuition bracket was perfect. I mean, it was remarkable how, yeah, I was right on this stuff. I was accurate. And I didn't really want to be, I didn't want to be bullied, and I didn't want to work for a bullying pastor. None of that was by design. But identifying those behaviors, identifying what was going on behind the scenes, was when that intuition reconnected. And I think that if I could have gone back, I would have listened to my intuition, and realized, yes, that is the spirit, it's saying some hard stuff that I didn't want to hear. But that silencing it was to my own detriment. JULIE ROYS 26:53 And let's also acknowledge that in a lot of these churches, we're hearing consistent message often of listen to the authorities in your church, be submissive to the authorities in your church and their leadership. Don't gossip, the meddling, we're hearing those constantly. And so, it's a cognitive dissonance that you're dealing with. And I remember we did a surprise birthday party for my husband once. And there were numerous times that he should have figured out what was going on. And he just didn't like, and afterwards, we asked him because he was so surprised. Like, how did you not get that? And he's like, I don't know. It's just like this cognitive dissonance and you throw out things that don't fit the narrative. And you just, it's funny how we do that. One of the best books out there, and it's funny that you've even said it several times. And when you're talking about this, is it something's not right. And I think Wade Mullins book, Something's Not Right, is just so so good in helping you put your finger on that. So, if you've never read this book, you have to read Something's Not Right. It's just so good. Or listen to Wade's talk at the Restore conference, where he talks about some of these things. They're all available at our YouTube channel, you can see that. And by the way, Paul, your talk on bullying is available on video on our YouTube channel. It's also available as a podcast, I think June 23, I think of last year is when we published that. So, you can go back and listen to Paul's whole talk on bullying, which is I know mind blowing for so so many people. Paul, as you hear what Emily just said about trusting that intuition, what comes to mind for you? PAUL COUGHLIN 28:31 A number of things. One thing that would have really helped Emily and so many other people is if she had at least one person standing by her side. She talked about almost like talking to herself and the cycle. We all get into that. And what really helps if we have a person, ideally, a person who is wise, but also more than wisdom, courageous. If we have someone to confide in, they can talk us out of those circular thinking, tends to spiral down, not up usually. And in that wisdom that they give us, we can find the seeds of courage as well because when we get clarity, we have a much stronger ability to move forward, hopefully in an intelligent way with both truth and grace and love. So, there are people out there who need us desperately in that situation. And I'd like to point out a distinction statistically between men and women when bullied in the workplace. Statistically, men tend to get angry and leave. Women tend to medicate and stay. And unfortunately, and to hear that the protectors what we do is we often advise find another job because it can be so damaging to the person's spirit to their soul when they undergo this work. And statistically it can be harder on women. That damage can go deeper and last longer. In fact, many of the characteristics of PTSD are the same that happens in the workplace, then people returning from war, it can be that bad. So, it's an important distinction to keep in mind. You know what I think what happened was Emily, is they picked on the wrong person, and I've told Emily this; is that chances are the people in her former workplace, the main pastor particularly, in my opinion, has probably been doing this for a long time, has probably been targeting people specific people and getting his way. And what happened is he probably targeted the wrong person; a person of a lot of backbone. You can tell Emily's very sharp, but sharpness alone won't do it. Functioning degree of courage is often necessary in order to defend yourself. And we have a wonderful success story now, I think because of Emily's character of who she is. JULIE ROYS 31:04 Well, this concludes part one of my podcast with Paul and Emily on bullying in a Christian workplace. In part two, you'll hear Emily describe more of what she wishes she knew back when she was being bullied that she knows now. And you'll hear more expert advice from Paul Coughlin, on how to deal with bullies. And also, why you may have become a target. PAUL COUGHLIN 31:25 Bullies in the workplace, particularly within the church, they use our niceness against us. It's one of the reasons why we're targeted. We don't use the word victim at the protectors very often, we prefer the word target. And here's why. You have been selected, the bully in the workplace, the bully pastor has picked on some people but not other people. Why is that? Because a bully is not looking for a fight, they want to overwhelm another person. So, they look for the nice person, they look for the person, for example, who lives by turning the other cheek. JULIE ROYS 31:57 Also, just a quick reminder to subscribe to The Roys Report on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts or Spotify. That way you'll never miss an episode. And while you're at it, I'd really appreciate it if you'd help us spread the word about the podcast by leaving a review. And then please share the podcast on social media so more people can hear about this great content. Again, thanks so much for joining me today. Hope you were blessed and encouraged. Well, again, that's Paul Coughlin. And we'll be releasing part two of this podcast in just a few days. So, you want to be watching for that. Also, if you're a survivor of church hurt or abuse, or you're a Christian leader who just wants to learn more about how to protect against abuse and help survivors, I want to invite you to join me at our upcoming Restore conference. This two-day event, October 13 and 14 at Judson University in Elgin, Illinois, is a very special time of healing and equipping. Joining me will be author Wade Molen, whose book we referenced in this podcast, along with Lori Anne Thompson, Sheila Ray Gregoire, Mary Demuth, and more. For more information, go to RESTORE2023.COM. Also, just a quick reminder to subscribe to The Roys Report on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts or Spotify. That way you'll never miss an episode. And while you're at it, I'd really appreciate it if you'd help us spread the word about the podcast by leaving a review. And then please share the podcast on social media so more people can hear about this great content. Again, thanks so much for joining me today. Hope you were blessed and encouraged. Read more
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Statistically, 90% of our thinking is in the past. Now that can be living in the "good old days," or reliving childhood trauma. Either way, that kind of thinking keeps you stuck in the same cycle year after year. It's time to flip that thinking because the people perish without a vision (forward thinking). Learn to unchain yourself from the past and attach your heart to the future. God has an audacious plan for your life! Think About It: If your life looks the same for the last five years you are living in the past. Take an inventory of your thinking. It takes courage to let go. Contact Us: soulgymsisters.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/crystal14/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/crystal14/support
Hour 1: Jerry is in for Boomer so it's Gio & Jerry today. The Mets and Yankees are dead and are not making the playoffs. Statistically they are still alive, but really, they're dead. Gio thinks Aaron Boone will be fired as the sacrificial lamb. If it's up to Brian Cashman, Boone will stay. Can you really blame Cashman and Boone if the players get injured or don't perform up to expectations? Signing Giancarlo Stanton was the beginning of the Yankees downfall. The Yankees are 17 games back from the Baltimore Orioles! C-Lo is here for an update and starts with the Yankees getting swept by Boston. Buck Showalter talked about Pete Alonso having a quiet 40 home run season (he's at 39 now). Robert Saleh talked about Mekhi Becton's performance against the Bucs. In the final segment of the hour, did the sports Gods intervene in the Women's World Cup? The President of the Spanish Futbol Federation kissed a female soccer player on the lips. We talked about kissing and hugging hello and goodbye.
From June 3 & 10, 2022. Dr. Al Grauer hosts. Dr. Albert D. Grauer ( @Nmcanopus ) is an observational asteroid hunting astronomer. Dr. Grauer retired from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock in 2006. travelersinthenight.org Today's 2 topics: - Statistically, asteroid hunters are thought to have discovered 90% of our potentially dangerous celestial neighbors greater than 1 KM in diameter. Thus my Catalina Sky Survey teammate Greg Leonard was surprised to discover 2018 MD1, an unknown very large asteroid moving through the constellation of Perseus. - An object is tracked in outer space, seen to explode in our atmosphere, and had a fragment of it discovered on the ground. Its analysis will help humans to prepare for and defend against a much larger object with our number on it. We've added a new way to donate to 365 Days of Astronomy to support editing, hosting, and production costs. Just visit: https://www.patreon.com/365DaysOfAstronomy and donate as much as you can! Share the podcast with your friends and send the Patreon link to them too! Every bit helps! Thank you! ------------------------------------ Do go visit http://www.redbubble.com/people/CosmoQuestX/shop for cool Astronomy Cast and CosmoQuest t-shirts, coffee mugs and other awesomeness! http://cosmoquest.org/Donate This show is made possible through your donations. Thank you! (Haven't donated? It's not too late! Just click!) ------------------------------------ The 365 Days of Astronomy Podcast is produced by the Planetary Science Institute. http://www.psi.edu Visit us on the web at 365DaysOfAstronomy.org or email us at info@365DaysOfAstronomy.org.
Statistically, whether we know it or not, all of us know and love someone who has been abused. And all of us know and love someone who has been abusive. So how can we be a blessing to both? How can we comfort, confront, and bring healing to our circle of influence?If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, please go to timeofgrace.org/abuse to find more resources and information for getting help.With your gift to Time of Grace, you can request your copy of "A Guide to Mental & Emotional Wellness" at: https://bit.ly/44giFflIf you enjoy this podcast and make it a regular part of your week, would you consider helping us with your regular support? We can't do any of this without you! Consider becoming a regular supporter with our Grace Partners program! https://timeofgrace.org/gracepartnerpodcastFor more resources that help you stay rooted in Jesus, check us out at timeofgrace.org where you can also subscribe to our daily email!Check out our newest video project, Bible Breath With Pastor Jeremy Mattek! https://timeofgrace.vhx.tv/bible-breathCheck out our other podcasts! Search for these on your favorite podcast app.– The Nonmicrowaved Truth with C.L. Whiteside– Little Things, with Amber Albee Swenson– Bible Threads, with Dr. Bruce Becker– Evening Encouragements With Pastor Jeremy– Grace Talks Daily DevotionalsIf you have questions and want to know more about God, like what does he think of you, what exactly was Jesus all about, how do you get “saved” and just what exactly does it mean to “get saved,” and what you should do next, we want you to download this free resource Pastor Mike wrote called, The Basics: God. You. Jesus. Faith.
Episode Summary On This Month in the Apocalypse, Brooke, Margaret, and Inmn talk about a lot of really bad things that happened in July, from the intensifying heat, to floods, to medicine shortages, to Antarctica's ice melting, to grain shortages, to terrifying new laws. But also, there are some hopeful things that happened, and as always the group finds ways to stay positive and for communities to prepare for what's to come. Host Info Brooke can be found on Twitter or Mastodon @ogemakweBrooke. Inmn can be found on Instagram @shadowtail.artificery. Margaret can be found on twitter @magpiekilljoy or instagram at @margaretkilljoy. Publisher Info This show is published by Strangers in A Tangled Wilderness. We can be found at www.tangledwilderness.org, or on Twitter @TangledWild and Instagram @Tangled_Wilderness. You can support the show on Patreon at www.patreon.com/strangersinatangledwilderness. Transcript This Month in the Apocalypse: July, 2023 Margaret 00:14 Hello and welcome to Live Like the World is Dying, your podcast for what feels like the end times. I'm Margaret. Now one of you says, "Hi." Brooke 00:22 Hi, Margaret. Margaret 00:26 No, you say "Hi," like you say who you are. Brooke 00:29 Oh, hi, who I am. Brooke. Inmn 00:32 And I'm Inmn. Brooke 00:34 Did I do good? Was that good? Alright, Margaret 00:37 Y'all did great. I'm joined by Brooke and Inmn today for another episode of This Month in the Apocalypse. And this is an extra special extra apocalypsey month that we're going to be talking about because we're talking about July, 2023, the hottest month in the history of humans being alive. Unless you're listening to this in August, in which case maybe you're like, "July that was some fucking amateur hour shit." But for now, hear us at the end of July, hottest month ever. And you know what else is hot is the Channel Zero Network, the network of anarchists podcasts. There's nothing wrong with this comparison. We are a proud member of the Channel Zero Network of anarchist podcast and here's a jingle from another show on the network. Da da da da duh daa [Humming a melody] Inmn 02:12 And we're back. And to start off today, we're going to talk a little bit about global temperatures and the heatwave that we are in the middle of experiencing right now. So this July was quite possibly the hottest--or I mean, definitely the hottest month on record in, you know, a recorded historical way--and possibly one of the hottest months on the planet in a very long time. So I live in Arizona, and in Phoenix, the ground temperature...There were daily record breaks in the in the heat where the hottest day on record was...it was 117 degrees. And then the next day it was 118 degrees. And then the next day, it was 119 degrees. Margaret 03:09 They won't even make it to that 20. Like come on. Just give us the round number. Brooke 03:15 No, no, don't. Stay less. Margaret 03:19 Oh, interesting. Okay. [dryly sarcastic] Inmn 03:21 There is I learned, a really horrifying thing that happens at 120 degrees. So I really hope that it doesn't get to 120 degrees. Do y'all know what happens when the ground temperature reaches 120 degrees in the sun? Margaret 03:35 Does Mothra break out of the cracked Earth and fight Godzilla? Inmn 03:41 Sort of. Propane tanks spontaneously combust. Margaret 03:49 That's bad. Brooke 03:51 Oh my gosh, Inmn 03:53 It's really bad. So in actuality, the temperature did reach 120 degrees because an enormous propane tank near the Sky Harbor International Airport exploded along with a bunch of like five gallon ones and it caused this huge fire. A bunch of cars were destroyed. And yeah, which you know, is by itself not like some huge world ending thing. But if you live anywhere where it might be 120 degrees on the ground, possibly in Arizona, take your propane tanks out of the sun because they might explode. Margaret 04:35 Normally, I would say don't put them inside because in general that's a really bad idea. But, it's probably better than like popcorn kernels in your yard. Inmn 04:46 Yeah, yeah. And I say this for people who like, you know, if you have a grill outside that just has the propane tank attached to it and it's not in the shade or anything. Um then, yeah, it could just explode and destroy your house. Brooke 05:06 But only if it's 120 degrees. If you're at 119, you're perfectly safe. Leave those propane tanks just right out there in the middle of the sun on the asphalt, right? [sarcastically] Inmn 05:16 No, don't do that. [laughing] Margaret 05:18 Place them near the following people who run the following companies. Brooke 05:29 Do you want to know about the the average overall temperatures in the month of July in Phoenix while we're talking about Phoenix? Margaret 05:36 I mean, no, but tell us anyway. Brooke 05:39 Okay, for the month of July, in Phoenix, the average high temperature, daily high temperature, was 114 degrees. And here's the really fun one, the average low temperature like the coldest it got was 90 degrees. Margaret 05:56 There was also a new low warm record. There was a night in Phoenix where it didn't get below 97 degrees. Inmn 06:04 Oh, golly. Margaret 06:06 Which is too hot. Inmn 06:08 It is too hot. Margaret 06:09 And, I didn't write this number down because I forgot. Massive..Like there was also a record for the most electricity the city of Phoenix has ever drawn because everyone was running their air conditioners, for good reasons. This is not a "Don't run your air conditioners," this is more of a, "There is a limit to what the grid can handle." Inmn 06:31 Yeah. And just to, since we're hyper focusing on Phoenix, in the last, I think--I don't think this was last month-- but in the last couple of months, the governor did halt a lot of new housing developments that were getting built due to concerns over the future of water in Phoenix. Margaret 06:57 And it seems like there's two ways to read that. There is the like...I am notably on the record of feeling like people who are...That Arizona is in trouble. I am on the record for that. And I don't want to get into specifics. But the more kind way to read the lack of expansion is that it was less like these places are out of water and more that, I believe in Arizona, or in the Phoenix metro area or something, you have to be able to prove that there will be water access for the next 100 years in order to build. And so it is a little bit less like these places are out of water and more like, "We cannot guarantee this water." I think that's the kinder way...No, not the kinder...That is one way to read that. The other is that Arizona is in fucking trouble. Inmn 07:55 Yeah, and you know, it stems from these like larger issues of the Colorado River having these like all time lows in water flow, and just due to Phoenix being this like huge, sprawling place that is like under constant development. Like I think it's where...Outside of Phoenix is where Bill Gates is trying to build some like new smart future city. Which is really confusing. Margaret 08:27 Has fucking Elon Musk gotten into him or something? Inmn 08:29 Yeah, like it's supposed to be this like huge self contained smart city that's outside of...it's in the larger Phoenix area, but like is separated from Phoenix. And my first thing that I thought was like, "Why? There's no...Where are you going to get water from?" Which I guess if you're really...If you're Bill Gates, you maybe have to worry less about where your water's coming from. But... Margaret 08:57 I mean, eventually. Other heat stuff from this month, let's see, we had...I was looking at a bunch of maps of where all of this heatwave stuff hit right, and overall, the hardest hit places were the coastal south, the southwest, of course--Phoenix gets a lot of the attention and for good reason--the coastal South got an awful lot, and then actually in terms of it being way hotter than usual, it also affected the lower and middle Midwest. The Pacific Northwest and central Appalachia--aka the two best places in the country based on the general disbursement of the three people on this call--were the least affected. And last weekend--sorry last week--thousands of people across the US went to the hospital for heat related illnesses. Only six states have laws protecting workers that say things like "You actually can't make people work when it's too hot out or they'll die." Only six states actually have laws that are like, "You have to provide like shade, and rest, and water for people working outside." I read a heartbreaking story about a young man who died laying cable trying to send money to his mother and work his way through school and all that shit. The federal government is working on a law about, "Maybe you shouldn't let people work where it kills them in the heat." That law has not..They've been working on it for years and nothing has happened. Yep. Got any more heat heat or move on to wildfire? Brooke 10:41 Capitalism is so ridiculous. The fact that we have to come along and legislate like, "Hey, maybe don't work people to death in the heat." Like that shouldn't have to be a law that anyone has to have because we are fucking human beings. And yeah, we should treat each other better. Yeah, yeah, sorry. It's upsetting. So, the United States is not the only place that's super hot. Europe's going through another massive heatwave like they did last summer. And last summer's heatwave, you may recall from the news, was breaking record temperatures and was quite severe. And one report I read said something like 60,000 Europeans died last year due to the heatwave. Their average temperatures are currently much higher than they were last summer even...or are getting to high temperatures earlier in the summer than they did last year. That's what I really mean to say. And it's affecting lots of things. For instance, Greece is experiencing wildfires on a massive scale, which I guess they're somewhat prone to wildfires already like the Pacific Northwest. But, the amount of acreage burning right now is two and a half times the average that they've experienced this time of year. Particularly the island of Rhodes, which is a Greece Island. Greek. Greek island. [The island] has had to evacuate tens of thousands of people off the island due to the wildfires. There's something like 90,000 acres of wildfires currently burning in Greece, which is a really significant size of wildfire. And it's weird how much perspective shifts on this, especially being from somewhere like the Pacific Northwest where we're kind of prone to wildfires. And if we get one that's like 10,000-20,000 acres, I'm like, "Meh [disapprovingly]." I mean, that's huge. But at the same time, in the last few years, we've had ones that are at 90,000-100,000 acres. So, you know, perspective shifts on what a severe wildfire is, but 90,000 acres is just massive. So yeah. Greece is...Greece is not having a good time with the fires right now. Margaret 13:03 And then, right before we hit record [on the episode], I was reading about how today, there's a third 300,000 person city in Sicily, whose name I forgot to write down, that is largely without water or electricity today because the 46 degree Celsius which I want to say is like 118 [Fahrenheit], or something like that, melted asphalt and fucked up all the infrastructure underneath. So no more electricity and water in a town of 300,000, that is also like experiencing a ton of wildfire. Apparently like the city is also surrounded by wildfire, but maybe that was a different city nearby. Brooke 13:45 You know when you say that, Margaret, it does...I distinctly remember us talking last summer about the heatwave and how a lot of European towns, countries, aren't built for the high heats and things were melting like that. Like the asphalt and stuff. Margaret 13:59 And then, yeah, I remember. And you had England, you had like the tarmac, which is the British word for asphalt, I think. I don't know. They don't do anything. Right. And then, speaking of places that Europe hasn't done right, Northern Africa is also completely fucked by the current heatwave. And in particular, wildfires. Algerian wildfires are fucking everything up. Like, as I'm...Like, as we're recording, unfortunately, they'll probably get worse by the time this comes out. Algerian wildfires, so far, have killed at least 38 people, including at least 10 soldiers who were doing wildland fire duty. More than 1,500 people have been evacuated from 97 fires around that country. Tunisia is also having some fucking times because, actually, it turns out that national borders are nonsense. And Algiers, the city of Algiers, had a fun 120 degree day. This I believe last week. And two years ago, Algerian wildfires killed 65 people in one week, including, a lot of those people are the people who are like, bravely fighting those wildfires. And I don't know, those people are fucking heroes and martyrs to climate change. Brooke 15:17 Is the heat causing other kinds of problems in the world, Margaret? Margaret 15:21 You mean the Antarctic ice that isn't there? Well hear me out. It's actually a solution because we're all going to move to Antarctica, which will be green. And there won't be any Lovecraftian temples with strange writing...in the mountains of madness. Someone's gonna yell at me about Lovecraft. Anyway. Antarctica is like having some real interesting times. I don't know if people have seen the news this week. Every now and then like climate change people like post the deviation from norms charts, where the like waves go up and down and stuff. And this year's, they're just not. Usually they're like, "Check it out. This wave is a little bit different. It's pushing the envelope. It's got some new records." There's no Antarctic ice. That's an exaggeration. That's hyperbole. Antarctic ice is lower than it's possible for people to easily conceptualize right now. It's winter in Antarctica right now. It's...When we talk about the hottest year on record, and we're like, "Oh, well, it's summer. Of course, it's hot, right?" Where I'm at, the hottest year in the fucking world, half of the world is in winter right now. Right? But, sea temperatures are rising, which actually are going to...Fuck I forgot to write this down..I was reading about right beforehand. There's a new study saying that the Gulf Stream, the thing that like cycles the fucking goddamn waters of the world, will likely stop somewhere between 2025 and 2100, with the average guess being about 2050 but as soon as two years from now. Which will have all kinds of changes. Ironically, one of them is that Europe might get colder. It's that movie, The Day After Tomorrow, is based on this concept of the Gulf streams disappearing. Brooke 17:10 Oh, that movie. Margaret 17:11 Yeah. That beautiful, wonderful movie. I barely remember it. We snuck into the theater. And I was like too paranoid the whole time. I was like afraid we'd get caught because we were like, really obviously dirty punks. And it was just like, so obvious. But, we didn't get caught. And I don't really remember much about that movie besides it's cold, and that people are willing to walk a very long way for their family, which is very sweet. So this event is, this is a historic low of ice following the previous all time lows of 2016, 2017, and 2022. But this is a five to six sigma event. Five to six--not like cool guys who'd go their own way--but five to six standard deviations away from a normal event, which is a meaningless thing. I had to spend like 20 minutes reading about what the fuck that means to try and explain it to people because you're just like, "Oh, it's a lot, right?" It's a lot, a lot. Statistically, a four sigma event, four standards of probability standard deviation thing, is now you're talking about something that is functionally 100%. Right? This is now so far...Basically, it's like imagine stuff is on a bell curve. The far edges of it are the sigma, are the standard deviations away from the norm, the norm is the center. When you get to the...When you get to like four, you're at functionally 100% of things don't don't fall into this, right? Or something that happens functionally 0% of the time, it's not actually 0% of the time. So it is...but it's often seen as statistically insignificant. For example, if you were to flip a coin 100 times, the odds of that coming up heads all 100 times is one in 3.5 million. That is a five sigma event. Right? The standard deviation, this the amount of Antarctic ice that isn't there this winter when it's supposed to be coming back, is more than that. It is about twice that. It is a one in 7.5 million year event, which isn't to say this happened 7.5 million years ago. It didn't. That's the odds of it happening randomly any given year. So it's really funny because scientists have to be very exact, which is part of what causes a lot of like climate change confusion, because if you ask a scientist like, "Is this man made?" a scientist has to be like, "We cannot to 100% certainty, certain that," right? Because they're like, because they're not certain, and science is based on an uncertainty. And so like a lot of the articles they're like, "Look, technically we're not sure. It's just really, really unlikely that it isn't." And I remember--one time I asked one of my science minded doctor friends--I was like, "What are the odds I am going to have the following health problem that is too personal for me to explain on-air?" He was like, "Look, that is possible. That is a possible risk vector. It's about as likely as you getting eaten by a shark, today, in Asheville, North Carolina." Which is to say, it was possible but not worth fucking worrying about. And this is the opposite of that. This is worth fucking worrying about. And ice decrease, of course, obviously, it makes the water get bigger, right, because it's not in ice form. But also, ice reflects back an awful lot of sunlight. There is a chance that the ice will be back next year. There is a chance that it won't. I was not able to find...I was able to find scientists being like, "We don't fucking know." I was not able to find scientists giving statistics. This is...I think..So I'm gonna go on a rant. I warned everyone--not you all the listeners--but I warned my co-host that I'm gonna go on a little bit of a rant today. Brooke 20:58 And that was it. Margaret 20:59 No, no, we're just getting started. Sorry. Brooke 21:05 Let me buckle in for this. We buckle in for this. Okay, yeah, ready to go. Margaret 21:07 Alright. So I think...I try really hard to not be like, the-sky-is-falling girl, right? I talk about preparedness and possible bad futures. Semi professional--actually, I don't get paid for this--but like, I do it a lot. It's like one of the main things. It's like, what I do with my time. And I try really hard to be like, "Look, we don't know. Don't put all your eggs into your savings for the when-you're-80 basket. But also don't put none of them in, right? Because the future is unknowable. And that is true. I think that this month marks a turning point where we can no longer in good conscience, talk about climate change as a possibility or even as like a certainty that's a little bit away. And we don't know how bad it's going to be. I think we have to talk about things from the point of view that this is happening. And this is really bad. And this is going to stay bad no matter what we do. That is not to say we can't do anything. And that's not to say we can't mitigate it. But I think that we need to just like...I know I will at least have to stop hedging some of what I say. And I think that this month is the most clear that we are in a really bad time--I don't wanna say "apocalypse," because it's a sort of a meaningless word--since we've been having the show, with the possible exception of March, 2020. And so I just like really quickly--and we'll get back to our regularly scheduled talking about some stuff--I want to talk about some of the stuff we can do really quickly and like what I think is really useful. And overall, what I believe is useful, is that we need to start working together in communities to build bottom-up solutions, not necessarily just to climate change--although that's true--but to preparing for and weathering the impacts of climate change. I don't believe that top-down solutions are coming. Prove me wrong government handler assigned to listen to this show. Prove me fucking wrong. I will turn in my anarchy card if you fucking stop global warming. Maybe. I might thank you and then still try to end you. But... Brooke 23:25 Weather. Weathering climate change. Margaret 23:31 I believe that working to create small, medium, and large scale communities that work from the bottom-up, that are horizontally organized, that work in federation with other groups to organize on as large of scale as is necessary, is our best bet going forward for how we can mitigate the worst effects of this, both in terms of our survivability, and in terms of having a culture that directly confronts fossil fuel infrastructure, that directly confronts, you know, the people who are doing this, right? There's that old, I think Utah Phillips quote, "The Earth isn't dying, it's being killed. And the people who are doing the killing have names and addresses." Brooke 24:22 I'm gonna put that on my wall. Margaret 24:24 I believe that we can build the kind of resilient communities that can allow more of us to live as long and healthy lives as is possible, considering what's happening. And I believe that the time to start thinking about that and doing that is now. I think that it is time for people to talk to their neighbors. It is time for people to work at like whatever your local community center is that is most aligned to your values. If you don't have one, fucking start one, and start having skill shares. Start prioritizing this. I think that people should make their decisions about where they want to live based on climate right now, and not just move away from the bad--obviously, that's going to happen--but also like where you want to live when/if the structures that currently provide for us are no longer able to do so. Like for myself, I didn't pick "I'm moving to where I think is going to be the least impacted by climate change." I moved to where my family is. Because that is a priority that I will make above my own personal safety every time, you know. But everyone's going to make those decisions differently. And then the other final thing is that I think that we have this problem where Al Gore government type people are like, "This is your fault because you didn't use fluorescent light bulbs, you used incandescent light bulbs," right? [Brooke laughs] To date myself to like 20 years ago when that was like a way that we were trying to get blamed as individuals, like, "If you don't recycle then like the world's gonna end." And it's like, "Oh, the world's ending. It's clearly because I didn't recycle enough." Like one, recycling is mostly fake. Although it shouldn't be. And I think it's still good practice for people to think about their waste, right? But, and so individual like so...[tails of and start over] So there's this problem where corporations are like, "Ah, individuals, that's the solution. We don't have to change anything," right. But we can accidentally fall on the other side of that. And we can say like, "Oh, well, since this isn't my fault. And my individual choices don't necessarily change things. I'm off the hook." And we the way we talk about the hook is wrong. There is a difference between fault and responsibility. It is not your fault, dear listener, that this is happening. Right? It is not your fault that you once got drunk and threw a car battery in the ocean. I have no idea why everyone uses throwing car batteries into the ocean as the example of horrible pollution that individuals can do. But it like comes up all the time. So, if you...[interrupted] Brooke 26:58 I have ever heard that example before. Margaret 27:00 Then you have different DMs than me. When you wanna talk about climate change, people are like, "I'm gonna throw my car battery into the ocean." I don't get it. If someone wants to explain it to me, you can send it to me by my DMs and I won't look. And but there is a difference between the fault and the responsibility. It is not your fault, right? But it is our--not your--our responsibility because no one else is going to fucking do it. Rather, the people whose fault it is, are not going to fucking do it. And we need to figure out how to do this because we're running out of time. And I think that...It's essentially liberalism in a bad sense. It is both liberalism to blame the individual, right? But it's also liberalism to be like, "Well, it's not my fault. So I don't have to do anything about it," because like, when you're being oppressed, right, like...For example, I, to use myself as an example as like a trans person, right? It is like not my fault that people hate trans people. But like, I don't want to be oppressed. So, I need to look at doing that. I need to look at solving my problems even though it isn't my fault. And it is a delicate balance to walk when we talk about this because we need to not blame victims. But we need, as collectively the billions of victims of climate change, to figure out our own power and work our way out of this. I think that's the end of my rant. Brooke 28:31 Actually, I really appreciate that, Margaret, especially the end part there, just because like I, in my own personal life, have been struggling with a little bit of that lately, especially with the heat this summer, and that feeling like, you know, there's nothing I can do, this isn't my fault, so fuck it, I want to turn down my AC some more or something like that. And I haven't