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The Time Riders: Part 10 Egyptian Acheology, In Real Time. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 16 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels. Mark felt a cold chill, but also was strangely assured that she didn't begin screaming. If anything, she sounded vaguely amused. He didn't come out, but he pushed one of his hands through the linens and waved at her. "Silly," she giggled, still smirking. "You might as well come out, because all I have to do is scream if I want help. I'm not afraid of anyone stupid enough to break into the personal chambers of a devotee of the goddess." Mark took a deep breath and walked out from beneath the linens, stopping and looking down at her, blushing at getting caught. She looked up him curiously, although she was still clearly amused, and made no attempt to cover her nudity. "You're a slave," she remarked, noting his attire. "What compelled you to hide in my room?" What was the point in lying? "I was hoping to fuck a Vestal," he confessed, shrugging and turning his palms to her in a gesture of honesty. "That's the simple truth." She raised an eyebrow. "That's brazen of you. You know we're all virgins on purpose, right? We took a sacred vow." Mark shrugged again. "Everyone has needs and urges, even sacred virgins." Aemelia giggled. "I suppose that's true. But why would; excuse me, I don't know your name, slave." "Bonosus." "Well, then, Bonosus," she intoned, setting her arm on the edge of the basin and then resting her head against two fingers while she observed him, more than a little intrigued. "What makes you think a sacred virgin of mighty Rome would want to fuck a slave, if she were indeed subject to such base desires as you describe?" "Well, you wouldn't need to take a vow if you weren't subject to them, would you?" he reasoned. "And as to why;” He slowly slipped off his ragged tunic, leaving him naked. Aemelia's eyes widened slightly as his cock came into view. "Woof," she muttered to herself as she fixated on his limp cock. "Your father, is he Bacchus, or a satyr? Because only a god or a creature of sin should be lavished with a prong like that." "Interested?" he asked, smirking back at her. "Because if you're not, maybe Marcia or Licinia would be willing to make use of me if you're not' "Hold on, now," the blonde interrupted in a quiet but calm voice, holding up her hand. "I didn't say that. All I asked was what you had to offer that a sacred virgin would be willing to compromise her vows for. And that thing makes up for a lot of sacred vows;” She rose slowly, the water cascading down her body. Not surprisingly, as a sacred virgin, her cunt was unshaved, but her wet hairs were rather light and sparse, the same color as her honey hair. "Um, you're eighteen, right?" Mark asked, wondering for a moment. Aemelia gave him a wry look, her hands moving up to her tits. "I am. A little more, in fact. Is that a problem? Am I too old for you to want to fuck me?" "No, I'm perfectly okay with you being eighteen," he assured her. "Kinda counting on it, in fact." "Well, that is good to hear," she said, allowing her hands to fall away from her tits and exposing herself again. She seemed strangely shameless, which was no doubt quite a trick to hide in these environs. "It'd be one thing for me to reject you, but it would be unthinkable for me to be rejected by a mere slave. And if you were indeed intent on someone younger, I would have to summon Lucia or Domi' "Nope, I'm intent on you, if you're willing," Mark said firmly, smiling as she watched his cock swelling slowly. He wasn't getting hard, but he was getting aroused, and it had the desired effect on his potential partner. Aemelia bit her lip as she watched his cock grow. "Normally, I just pleasure myself in the bathing basin, since it is easy to hide," she said as she stepped out of the water and walked over toward the linens he was standing in front of, drawing close to him and smiling rather saucily. "But to be fucked in the bathing basin would create too much noise, I fear. No, base slave, if you intend to have your way with me, it must be quick and dirty, and allow me to conceal any evidence after. You do not want to know what happens to a sacred virgin who has broken her vows of chastity." "I can only imagine," Mark said as he took one of the linens hanging on a peg and knelt down on one knee, beginning to dry her off. She seemed amused by his attentiveness, and put one foot on his thigh, allowing him to continue. "So, what, I should probably fuck you somewhere in here, since it's farthest from the door and least chance to be heard, right?" Aemelia nodded and pointed at the bed. "But you cannot have me on my bed either, slave, as there will be evidence of my activities. No, I fear you will simply have to push me up against a wall and fuck me, like a common whore." "Probably all we have time for," he pointed out, leering as he stood, towering over her and pulling her body to his and beginning to fondle her. She closed her eyes and sighed as he groped her tit and ran his other hand down her back to caress her ass. "Uh, my first man," she whispered, not at all flinching from his touch. If anything, she parted her legs slightly, which she reached down to stroke his hardening cock with one hand. "Not only breaking my vows to my goddess, but the sheer indignity of losing my chastity to a lowly slave;” He could tell she was getting really turned on. His hand found her cunt and he slipped two fingers inside, making Aemelia moan. She was already very wet, and he couldn't find a hymen, so he would have no problem fucking her. "You are feeling around; for my chastity," she breathed, opening her hazel eyes and looking up at him while he fingered her. "It was broken many years ago, while I was riding atop of a horse to a ceremony. It was determined to be an accident, and not a symbol of the goddess' disfavor, so I was permitted to continue serving her. Now, my chaste cunt will serve you, slave. You may fuck me. But first;” She pulled away from him and went over to the far wall, then took hold of a small wooden peg and tapped on the wall three times in a certain rhythm, then three more. She put the peg down and then walked back to him, her eyes glinting with excitement. "You may fuck me against the wall right there, slave;” she whispered breathily, clearly getting eager. She stopped in front of him and waited for something. Then he heard three faint taps in a certain rhythm, which seemed to come from the wall she'd just tapped on. Without any further hesitation, she led him over to the wall she'd indicated and bent forward, exposing her ass to him while steadying herself against the wall. Mark didn't wait, but simply placed his hands on her ass cheeks while standing behind her. He teased his hard cock against her wet twat before sliding the head inside. He felt her stiffen, her back arching, and then she was murmuring to herself. "I am disgraced; I am disgraced;” Mark smiled evilly and pushed deep inside her with one long, slow stroke. Aemelia shuddered and choked, fighting the urge to cry out as he violated her. She hissed as he bottomed out in her, pushing back on her hands to take him in further. She was silent now, just trembling as she felt his cock pinning her to him. Mark then began to stroke back and forth slowly, letting her adjust to the sensation. She was indeed tight, and he was inclined to believe her claim that she was still a virgin, even if she had no hymen. "Bonosus;” she said in a quiet voice somewhere between a gasp and a whisper. She pushed back against him again, starting to grind her ass in circles, reveling in the sensation of a man deep inside her, committing such an extreme blasphemy against Mother Rome. The two were thinking the same thing: Fuck Mother Rome. Mark started moving faster, knowing they didn't have a lot of time. His hips began smacking against her ass, and he watched as his cock glistened, sliding back and forth in her slippery cunt. "Uh, less noise, less noise!" she rasped, waving almost frantically with one hand, her eyes squeezed shut. "Do you want us to both be executed?" Mark kept pumping back and forth strongly, but refrained from slamming against her. He was still more than deep enough to send her into convulsions, though, and the priestess hissed lustily, looking back at him with glazed hazel eyes. "Make me cum," she panted, working herself against him rather inexpertly, but with amazing enthusiasm. "Disgrace my body, my temple, with your cum, slave!" Mark moved faster, and felt her cunt rippling and contracting around him greedily, indicating she was not far off from orgasm. His hands pulled her ass cheeks apart, stretching her and she bit her knuckle and keened. Covered in sweat, her arm flashed out to the side, pointing at the linens hanging next to them. "A linen!" she gasped, her breath catching in her throat. "Give me a linen before I scream!" Mark reached out and grabbed one of the long linen swaths off a peg and handed it to Aemelia, who hastily shoved as much as she could into her mouth, right before her body contorted and was wracked by orgasm. She screamed in ecstasy, the linen muffling the otherwise piercing sound magnificently. Her cunt clutched his cock fiendishly, and Mark stifled a loud groan as he began to cum deep inside her. They ground and squirmed against one another heatedly as he filled her with his pearly essence, and he could feel her cum slathering his thighs. Finally, she sagged, leaning against the wall to keep herself up while removing the linen from her mouth so she could breathe heavily. Some moments later, she eased herself forward, off his throbbing cock, gasping as it popped out of her. She turned around, leaning back against the wall and pulled Mark to her, pressing her mouth against his and kissing him deeply. She may have been a virgin, but she certainly knew how to kiss. Then again, if it was just her and a few other young women living here, that was probably to be expected. "This, slave," she whispered breathily, looking up into his eyes while she reached down and massaged his sticky, still oozing cock. "This has now been in the most sacred of cunts, a sacred temple, defiled by your base desires. Do you know what an honor you've had?" "I can guess," Mark replied, using his body to pin her to the wall and pushing back inside her again. Aemelia shuddered and groaned, going up on her toes and clasping him. "You glad I defiled your temple?" "Yes, but we need to get you out of here," she managed to say, gently pushing him back so that he fell out of her. She knelt and kissed his cock while picking up the linen she'd stuffed into her mouth, and cleaned him off with it. She then hurried over to the pegs on another wall and slipped on a simple white robe, tying it shut. She was flushed, but obviously jubilant. She helped him get back into his slave tunic. "Well, I can strike that off my bucket list," Mark mused to himself in English, smirking. "What did you say?" Aemelia asked, looking up at him as she tied the cord around his waist. "Oh, I was just thinking that at least I can count on you to not brag about this," he said somewhat hastily. "Probably not many people you wanna tell." "True, there's really only Licinia and Marcia I would tell, because they are like-minded to myself. I would tell Domitia, since I suspect she has at least as licentious a heart as any of us, but dare not, because she is impulsive, and not prone to subtlety." "No shit;” Mark muttered as she finished helping him dress. "So now what? How do we get me out of here?" "There's a secret passage you can use at the end of this hallway. It'll take you down to the basement level again, and out though a garden. Be vigilant, but you should be safe. Take a sack of supplies out into the streets, so that it looks like you're on an errand. It'll help you avoid scrutiny." She led him through her apartment and opened the door to poke her head out into the hall, looking both ways. She then took his hand and pulled him out, hurrying down to the end of the hall and then pointing at a large plaster lavabo that dominated the wall. He used his fingers to pry it open like a door, which led into a dark stairwell. He was about to step into the stairwell when she took him by the hem of his tunic and pulled him back to her, kissing him deeply and passionately for several seconds before pushing him back through the aperture and then closing the door behind him. Aemelia leaned back against the ornate plaster lavabo and sighed, looking at the ceiling. She laid and hand on her tit, stood up, straightened her robe out, and then walked down the hall, attempting to look dignified. Thankfully, servants and the priestess' minders rarely came to this floor except at designated hours. She stopped in front of the door of the apartment next to hers, which had a plaque that red 'Licinia' and rapped on the door softly. The door opened and she was pulled inside by her wrist. The door had barely closed before she and another, younger priestess were kissing one another feverishly, hands wandering over each other's bodies. "Thank you for letting me watch," Licinia murmured as her tongue tangled with Aemelia's. "I am so jealous that you got to fuck first, even if it was just a slave. But what a cock he had on him." "I know, and it was everything we had hoped it would be, sister," Aemelia breathed, breaking the kiss and pulling her sister-priestess' bedchamber robe off. "If only it could have lasted longer. But for now;” She shed her own robe and leaned back against the wall, tilting her hips forward and using two fingers to spread her thick cuntlips wide. "You need to suck his cum out of my cunt while you can;” Mark's back was getting slightly sore from carting around sacks in order to get places without being stopped and questioned. He humped several cords of wood into the rear entrance of the Trajan Baths, sighing heavily as he dumped them down near other piles meant to heat the pools, and then went in search of Becky and Nanu. He heard them before he saw them, not surprisingly; he followed the telltale noises toward a smaller, more private bath chamber away from the main rooms. He paused in the door of the room, grinning and leaning against the entranceway while he just watched. In the shallow water, Becky and Nanu were sitting facing into one another, legs scissored and pussies pressed together. They panted and moaned as they slithered and ground against each other, resting back on one hand in the cool water, and gripping each other's arms with the second. They strained against one another, backs arching and their behinds out of the water, eyes squeezed shut and teeth clenched. They both keened loudly before the dam broke. Sighing and moaning shamelessly, they squirmed and writhed, bathing each other's cunt in frothy cum. They girl-fucked one another hard, cumming for a long period before finally relaxing and settling into a squishy embrace, tits and pussies pressed together as they kissed lovingly. Mark finally came into the room, noticing that two young attendants were waiting in corners, linens ready. He shed his tunic and stepped down into the shallow pool, joining them. Becky broke the kiss to smile at him lewdly. "Well, hey, handsome," she purred, reaching over to stroke his cock, noticing it was recently used. "What did you get up to while Nanu and I were enjoying ourselves?" He was kneeling next to them, rotating his neck. "Might've used our loop to get revenge on the city for trying to kill me next week," he mentioned. "Found a certain temple, might've fucked a priestess;” Becky shook her head. "I swear, you're terrible at time theory, unless it involves doing something heinous, Mark. You are a menace." "Yeah, but you love it," he pointed out, grinning and reaching into caress one of her tits, his other hand fondling Nanu's. "Admit it." "I admit to nothing, young man," she purred, loving how his hand felt on her while she continued to stroke his cock. "Nanu asked if we could visit her family, see if they're okay. She hasn't seen them for a decade now." "I'm all right with that," Mark answered, shrugging. "We should give 'em money, too, improve their lot in life. Sounds like Egyptian peasants in the Roman era don't have a lot goin' for 'em." Becky smiled slyly. "Now that you mention it;” Akhmim, in a corner of the former Lower Kingdom. It was the time of year where the mighty Iteru was to have overflowed its banks and then receded, leaving the land gloriously fertile, and ready for the people to grow their crops and sell their goods to the merchants in the cities. But this year, the great god Hap'i had withheld his bounty, and the river had barely breached its banks. The land was dry, and crops scarce. People had been bringing muddy water from the edges of the river in buckets in a desperate attempt to fertilize their fields. Kiya sighed glumly as she tilled a shallow trench in the woefully dry soil on their farm. A wind blew across the field, and she was depressed to see that it carried reddish dust with it. She was the youngest remaining child, and she did the least skilled work as a result. She despaired of ever being married, since her parents could not afford to lose her. Years ago, they had sold their youngest daughter, in the hopes of getting enough money to improve the farm, with new tools and maybe some irrigation equipment, but they'd been had, and the materials and tools they'd bought were junk. It had cost them all the money they'd made in selling their child, and now they had less than ever. They barely subsisted even in the bountiful years, and during droughts like this, it could be deadly. Other farms were empty, due to death or abandonment. She stopped for a moment and leaned on the rickety hoe she was using, squeezing her eyes shut and stifling a sob. She missed her little sister. Yes, Nanu had only been a year younger than her, but she'd been a joy in Kiya's young life, and they were very close to one another. Kiya loved little Nanu, and then one day, she was gone. As she opened her eyes and looked out over the dusty field at the long, thin rows of trenches, she wondered if Hap'i was punishing them for selling her little sister. Kiya wouldn't have blamed the god; she remembered being angry too, and she hadn't talked to her parents for days. Her older siblings, especially Aneksi and Joba, her eldest sister and brother, had loudly declared that it was a good thing to do, since it was one less mouth to feed, and Nanu had been useless for chores anyway. She was six years old when we sold her! Kiya thought angrily to herself as she glared at the barren field. What did you think she was going to be able to do? She heard a horn call and looked down at the distant river dully; she could see an ornate boat sailing downstream, being punted by dark-skinned Nubian slaves, the huffer standing at the bow waving for less important ships to move aside. Nobles, she grumbled to herself sourly. Probably on their way to Memphis to eat splendid food, and meet with their Roman friends. Splendid food. She'd almost forgotten what anything other than bread or little bits of fish tasted like. And the drought made even bread scarce, while fish were dangerous to try to catch, because of the hippos and crocodiles that crowded the river. In years like this, the crocodile demons were especially aggressive. Movement caught her eye, and she saw a palanquin coming up the banks on the small, dusty road. It wasn't even a road, really, so much as a failed ditch that had been meant for irrigation of the nearby farms. Slaves carried the palanquin on their shoulders, and diaphanous curtains concealed who sat within. A tall, light-skinned slave walking with a tall stick led the way. Just behind him came a woman riding a mule, a cloak wrapped around her upper body to protect her from the dusty wind. They seemed to be coming this way. Why are they headed this way? Kiya wondered with a frown. What could they possibly want here in dusty little Akhmim? She stood up and began walking toward the palanquin as it drew closer, her hoe held casually in her right hand: unthreatening, but ready in case their intentions were malign. She could see now that the male slave leading the way was rugged and handsome, with brown hair and deep eyes. Behind him, she woman on the horse, whom she assumed was still a slave, seemed rather pretty beneath her swathes of dark grey linen and fabrics. Were her eyes; blue? She glanced over at her ramshackle house that she, her siblings, her parents and grandparents lived in. No one else seemed to have noticed yet, or were too far away to see. Clearly this would be up to Kiya for now. So how should she react? She played it safe and got down on both knees, bowing her head and looking at the reddish-brown ground beneath her. It was hot on her knees. She hoped this wouldn't take long, for she had to get back to the trenches, so that the other could pour their meagre water and begin to plant seeds. Kiya waited quietly. "I always did like seeing you on your knees, Ki;” she heard a sweet, girly voice say. Her head flicked up and she looked at the source of the voice; she could see a beautiful face leaning out between the curtains of the palanquin and smirking at her. Kiya's eyes widened and her jaw opened as the young woman slid down out of the palanquin and began walking toward her. She was wearing shimmering white clothes that hugged her lovely figure, and her hazel eyes danced in excitement. She was wearing gleaming gold jewelry, adorned with lapis and other gems. She was radiant, like a goddess. "N; Nanu?" Kiya asked in a tiny, incredulous voice. The vision of her long-lost sister nodded, still smiling. "NANU!!!" shrieked the older girl, dropping the hoe and launching herself forward into a crushing hug with her sister. She'd burst into tears by the time she reached Nanu, and the younger sister was crying as well while they embraced. Mark and Becky looked on, smiling as the sisters were reunited, crying together. True, Nanu's sister (the one named Kiya, they assumed) was getting dust all over Nanu's immaculate clothing, but it didn't matter. There were plenty of new outfits for her anyway. Kiya began planting tear-wet kisses all over Nanu's face, almost as if they were a method of making sure she was real. The weeping Nanu returned the kisses. Mark's head began tilting slowly on an angle as he watched, because the kisses were becoming slower, and seemingly more meaningful and; affectionate. "Well, now;” Becky said as she watched intently. "Hello, ancient Egypt." Nanu and Kiya were now absorbed in a very deep kiss, holding one another tight. Mark could see their tongues rolling around the insides of their cheeks. The whimpers of crying had given way to muffled moans while their hands wandered up each other's backs and came to rest on their ass cheeks. Still they kissed one another almost hungrily. Mark leaned in closer to Becky and whispered to her. "I get the feeling they really missed each other." The sisters finally broke the kiss, more for needing oxygen than any other consideration. They pressed their foreheads together, panting heavily as they stared into one another's eyes. Their lips were still glistening from the kiss they'd shared. Nearly a minute had passed before Kiya pulled her head back and looked at her little sister in renewed wonderment. "Nanu;” she managed to say. "How; what are you;” "Do you like it?" chimed Nanu, stepping back just far enough to do a twirl and display her raiment. The gold she wore on her neck, arms and ankles tinkled almost musically. "I have lots more." "We; mom and dad sold you;” Kiya said, still gaping. "They; they sold you as a slave. What miracle of the gods is this?" "Oh, the best kind," the younger girl quipped, giggling. "But I don't wanna explain this ten times, so why don't you get everyone over here? I'll have my slaves set up a shelter for us all to sit under." Kiya will still bordering on confused, but she nodded and turned to race back toward the hut, calling out loudly for people. Nanu watched her for a few moments before turning to look at Mark and Becky and smiling. "You two sure missed each other," Mark observed, grinning, while Becky fanned herself. Nanu gave Mark a snarky look and stuck out her tongue. "We were best friends, Kiya and I, we only had each other, really. And then I was gone for ten years. Is it really so surprising that we can pick up where we left off?" "Nah, just some culture shock is all," Mark chuckled as he laid down the packs he was carrying and then began unslinging others from the side of the mule Becky sat on, and the palanquin. "Shall I set up the shelter, your majesty?" Nanu giggled. "I could get used to that. Please!" The porters placed the palanquin on the ground, and began helping Mark set up the shelter. Along with their pay, they'd been promised good food and wine, so they were more than willing to put in great effort. Mere minutes had passed before a shelter was set up on sturdy poles, with curtains that could be fastened to the sides to keep out the dust and wind. Nanu crawled back inside the palanquin while Becky waited just outside. Before long, a group of people was approaching, being led by an eager Kiya. She kept badgering everyone to hurry up, and several seemed more than a little annoyed at her harrying them. They were of various ages, and all dressed similarly to Kiya, in the common wear of Egypt's teeming peasantry. Becky glanced subtly to the side, to look at Nanu. The young Egyptian woman was staring at the approaching throng, her eyes glassy, and she bit her lip to keep from crying. She didn't want to be crying when her family saw her again. Becky drew the curtains closed to give her some time to compose herself. She then stood and waited patiently while everyone approached. They were a rough lot, clearly hardened by a life of toil on one of the endless farms that lined the Nile. There were young men and women, some children who belonged to what she assumed were couples, and some elders laboring to bring up the rear. The crowd stopped near the shelter, and looked at the visitors silently. Becky nodded to them all said then spoke in a clear voice. "Do any of you speak the tongue of Rome?" Silence and blank stares greeted her. Unimpressed, she turned and called back. "Mark, none of them speak Latin, I need you." "Not the last time I'll ever hear you say that," he chuckled as he joined her. She gave him a sour look and swatted his arm. He ignored the assault and called out to everyone. "Has Kiya told you what we're doing here?" Many of the people shook their heads, but still didn't say anything. Mark gave Becky a sidelong glance, and the blonde woman went back to the palanquin, knelt, and pulled aside the curtain. She helped an elegant woman in white out of the vehicle, and she walked forward, holding a gauzy white veil over her head to conceal her features. She approached the group, and an older man finally pushed to the front and addressed her humbly. "How can this humble family serve you, mistress?" he asked. Nanu now pulled the veil over her head, letting them take a good look at her. Kiya looked like she was almost ready to burst. Several faces remained blank for quite some time, but others began to express shock as recognition set in. "Nanu?" asked the man in a quavering voice. "Yeah, it's me, dad," she said, her eyes shining again. "I'm home for a visit." "NANU!" an older woman blurted as she forced her way through the crowd and dashed forward. Nanu quit trying not to cry as she embraced her mother for the first time in more than a decade. Becky pressed her fingers to her lips as she watched and tried not to tear up. Mark just grinned. "Mommy," Nanu choked as she held the other woman tight. "I've missed you so much!" "How is this possible?" her father asked, sinking to his knees. "We; I had to sell you, to those Romans, in order to make enough money to' "The Flavians in Clysma, yes," Nanu affirmed, looking over her mother's shoulder and nodding while the elder woman wept. "And they sent me to Rome, once they discovered I could dance." "You always were a good little dancer!" Kiya gushed, almost bouncing up and down on the spot. Many of the other members of the family were drawing closer now, still gazing in wonder. Her father seemed to be going pale and trembling, though. "Are; are you sent back as a glorious spirit, to punish me for selling my beautiful daughter? Have mercy on me, I' "Dad, stop being so dramatic," Nanu almost complained as she let go of her mother and walked toward him. She hauled him to his feet and placed her tiny hands in his, letting him feel them. "See? I'm still flesh and blood, not a stupid spirit. I'm not a Flavian slave anymore, either. I'm wealthy and I have my own slaves." They all looked at Mark and Becky now. Becky pulled down the fabric around her head, and many of them gasped as her golden blonde hair and sea-blue eyes came into full view. They'd never seen anyone like her before. These were Nanu's slaves? Her father shook his head slowly. "I still do not understand. How did this happen?" "Who cares?" someone groused from the back of the crowd in a gruff, male voice. Nanu knew it right away, and looked up sourly. The crowd parted to let the speaker come forward. It was her eldest brother, Bata, and he was the second eldest of the siblings after Meritites, Nanu's big sister. He'd always been something of a bully toward her. More than something, actually. Nanu and Kiya both had unpleasant memories of the older boy. "We sold you for money, and what good did it do us?" the young man sneered, moving forward now. Nanu took half a step back, clearly intimidated. "The tools we bought were shit, and we're struggling harder than ever. You can't even be sold without fucking things up for your fa' Mark had lunged in and slammed his fist across Bata's jaw, sending him spinning to the ground. Everyone except Becky gasped, and one sister cried out in fright. Mark stood over the downed boy, glowering at him. Bata was holding his jaw, his eyes wide in shock. He could taste blood. "Got anything else to say about my mistress, shitbag?" Mark challenged. Bata glared at Mark before his gaze flicked over to the axe he'd dropped when he got punched. "Oh, please try that, I dare you,", Mark growled, unmoved by the perceived threat. "I'll shove that axe handle so far up your ass that you'll have splinters in your tongue for a month." Bata looked away, unable to endure Mark's glare. The younger man stepped back and let Nanu's brother get to his feet. Bata grabbed a woman by the wrist and stomped off, dragging her behind. Several of Nanu's siblings sighed and were visibly relieved. Mark then stepped back and let Nanu take over again. The Egyptian girl, still a little rattled, took a deep breath, composing herself. She then spoke to her family again. "I'm sorry. I thought I'd never see you again. I thought I'd die, far from home, never to return. I; I want to make sure that mom and dad never have to do anything like that again for our family's survival." Nanu brought her mother back to the family and helped her father stand. They were murmuring to one another and hugged, while people began crying. Several men and women watched on, some passively, some with curiosity. Mark assumed these were spouses who had married into the family since Nanu's departure some ten years ago. Nanu was hugging her oldest sister, Meritites, and sharing kisses with her, although not quite as affectionate as those she'd shared with Kiya. She then hugged and kissed her other siblings; Djoser, Ameny, Khafra, Nefer, Tiaa, Horemheb, Jobra, Anpu, and Senet. Jeebus, Becky thought, trying not to frown as she looked at the mother, whose name was apparently Pypuy. Twelve kids? How did her uterus not just fall right out? Nanu's father, Akhom, still seemed overwhelmed, but maybe that was understandable. He had, after all, clearly made an agonizing decision and it seemed to be revisiting him, even if the circumstances were joyous for everyone else. Nanu had explained to Mark and Becky that selling children into slavery in order for a poor family to survive was not uncommon in Egypt, but clearly it was still painful for all involved. Finally, the greetings ended, and Nanu, with her eyes still glistening, smiled at her family. "Let's eat, I brought lots of food." The shelter Mark and the slaves had erected was large enough to conceal everyone from the sun. They ate bread, figs, fish, and wine. Kiya excused herself and ran back to the house. Even Nanu's father seemed to have adjusted and was now enjoying himself. More than anything, though, there were endless questions. "I got lucky," Nanu said simply. "I know it seems impossible, but look at me. What more proof do you need? I am wealthy now, and not a slave. I came home to let you know, and also to give you money, so that you no longer need to struggle. You will live very comfortably. You could probably even retire from the farm and move into a town or city if you wanted to." "You're not coming with us?" her sister Tiaa asked, looking rather upset. "We just got you back, and you've been gone so long." Nanu looked down at the ground, going silent, wondering what to say. She felt very torn. Here she was, back with the family she'd missed her entire life, and giving them money, but beyond that, she had nothing to back it up; Mistress Aurora and Bonosus, or whatever their real names happened to be, were not her slaves. She had no talents that made her a patrician. She could barely read. She'd come here, so secure in her plan to see her family, alleviate any suffering they were enduring, and then go off on this grand adventure with her new beloved associates. They'd even told her she might be able to see her family again. But now, in this dingy but so comforting environment. She looked up and saw Kiya approaching again, carrying something in her arms. Everyone let her through, and she knelt next to Nanu, smiling. Nanu's eyes went wide. Kiya gently passed her the baby. It couldn't have been more than a year old. "Her name is Nanu," Kiya said softly, her brown eyes shining. "Named after the little sister I thought I'd lost forever." Nanu looked up and her eyes were glassy with wonder. "Who is her father?" Kiya smiled sadly. "The river took him earlier this year, during Akhet. I'm sorry you never met him." "She's beautiful," Nanu murmured, caressing the tiny cheek with her thumb, and feeling her heart thrum in her chest. "So beautiful." "There's all the time in the world now, for you to raise her and love her," her sister said, putting a hand on Nanu's arm. "I know you'll love her as much as I do. We can raise her together, just like we always talked about when we were younger. And I; what's wrong, Nanu?" Tears were now streaming down the younger girl's face as she tried to keep from bursting out crying. Becky found herself trying not to cry as well, even if she didn't understand the language. "I'm; I'm sorry, Kiya," she managed to say, while her sister's eyes teared up, knowing what was coming. "I can't stay, I now have a different life I must get back to. And it's not here in Akhmim, or even Keme itself." "I understand," Kiya rasped, her eyes red as she tried to hold it together. She loved Nanu so much. "Can't take us with you?" "No, I can't," Nanu said sadly, shaking her head slowly as she squeezed her eyes shut, crystalline tears falling onto the linen the baby in her arms was wrapped in. "I don't know how that would work." "Will we ever see you again?" her sister Ameny almost pleaded. "I want to say yes," Nanu replied, her eyes still closed. "But even visiting now was very difficult to arrange. But I promise you, I will try. And if I ever find a way to take you all away from here, then I will. And we'll all live in splendor together forever." Most of the girls were crying at this point, and even a few of her brothers were sniffling. Her mother and father just knelt quietly, looking very forlorn and lost. Nanu handed the baby back to Kiya and hugged her parents tight. "But even if I can't be here, I'm still looking after you, like I promised," she said in an earnest tone. She glanced over at Mark, who nodded and rose, using two of the porters to unfasten sacks from the mule and also the palanquin. When he brought them over, he laid them in front of Nanu, who opened them to display the contents. Her family members gaped in awe. More gold coins than they could have imagined glittered within. "You'll need to be quiet for some time about where it all came from, and not just spread it around, but this'll give even my niece's great-grandchildren a very comfy life if you're not stupid with it," she announced, running her hands through the coinage so they could hear the sound of it. "Like I said, you could become the wealthiest farmers in the region, or become traders in a nearby city. As long as you look after one another, always. Even Bata." "Don't worry about Bata, sis," grunted the second eldest brother, Anpu, looking at Meritites and smiling. She reached over and squeezed his hand. "We'll make Bata behave." "I know," sniffled Nanu, smiling and wiping at her eye. She'd always liked her big brother Anpu. He wasn't a jerk like Bata. "Just protect my sisters, Anpu, and my niece." He nodded, looking proud, since she'd assigned him this task. "Do you really need to leave already, Tahemet?" Djoser asked, calling Nanu by her childhood nickname of 'Queenie'. When they'd all been younger, Nanu, as the youngest, usually got the short end of the stick about everything. So she made up for it by having an active pretend life, where she was a queen, regal and worshipped by all. Meri, the eldest, had given her the nickname, but not in a mocking way, even if Bata used it as such. Nanu considered. Mark turned around and whispered to the porters. "Stay with us another night, and we'll triple your pay and give you all the remaining food." The men nodded readily. Nanu wanted to ask Mark and Becky, but they were supposed to be her slaves for this visit, so she couldn't be asking them. The decision was hers. She opened her eyes and smiled. "I'll stay until tomorrow." Everyone seemed relieved at her proclamation, and they continued eating and drinking merrily. Becky had to admit, they were taking this all in good stride. Then again, when all your deities had bird or reptile heads, there probably wasn't a lot you couldn't take on faith anyway. Mark now conversed with the family (with Nanu's permission), about how Nanu had come into wealth and escaped slavery, not to mention acquiring two exceptional specimens such as himself and Becky for slaves. Mark did something he was becoming distressingly good at and lied. It saved Nanu the hassle, which was just as well, since she spent much of her time holding Kiya's baby and talking quietly with her sister. Clearly they'd been attached at the hip when they were younger, and there was much about one another they were keen to rediscover. Watching them subtly touch each other and hold hands, thumbs gently caressing, brought a smile to Becky's face. She resolved to make sure Nanu got to see her family again. The day had worn on, and Nanu had to remind everyone repeatedly that there was no immediate need to get back to toiling over the barren landscape, since she had come with plenty of money. Evening was upon them, and the family began returning to the dwelling that served as their home. Mark added treated skins around the shelter, converting it into a tent, while Nanu begged Kiya to stay with her for the night, to which the older sister agreed readily. Last of all, she hugged her father and mother, promising to see them in the morning. They took little Nanu with them, leaving Mark, Becky, Nanu, and Kiya alone in the tent. The porters had returned to the boat and would sleep there. Once the flaps were all fastened shut, Nanu and Kiya had almost attacked one another, kissing feverishly, and tearing one another's clothes off. Alex smiled and watched while they took their own clothes off. They lay on a blanket together on their sides, with Mark spooning her. He caressed and fondled her gently while she squirmed her ass back against him and they watched the sisters, small sturdy covered lamps in the corners providing dim illumination. Naked and wrapped up in a tangle of writhing limbs, Nanu and Kiya were continuing to kiss hungrily, moaning the entire time. Hands wandered over forms they hadn't touched in over ten years, and those had probably changed considerably in the interim. They murmured and whispered to one another through the kissing, words Mark didn't try all that hard to make out. Let them have their fun. "Umm, there you are," Becky purred as she felt Mark get nice and hard while watching the show. She reached behind herself and took hold of his hard cock, guiding it to her cunt. She teased it up and down the slippery nether lips before letting Mark press home, and sinking deep inside her. They both moaned with relief at the coupling. Mark kissed Becky's neck and fondled her opulent tits as he began pushing his cock in and out of her slowly. They slowly made love while watching the sisters just to their side rediscover one another, after over a decade apart. Becky smiled as Nanu kissed Kiya deeply, expressing her innermost longings and desires. The younger sister lay on top of the older one, holding one another tight and kissing, their nubile bodies squirming together. "I love watching family reunions," Becky sighed quietly as she flexed her fingers on Mark's hip while he slid in and out of her, still massaging her opulent tits. "Look at them, Mark, they're so in love, and so happy to see one another." "It's certainly a feel good moment," he agreed, loving how she flexed her cunt muscles around him as he pushed him himself back and forth. "Mind you, just about everything involving you is, I find." Becky smiled and reached up to caress his cheek before turning her face to kiss him. While they were engaged in a tongue-lock, Nanu began kissing and nibbling her way slowly down Kiya's soft, responsive body, thrilling to hear the murmurs and whimpers of her sister again. She kissed her tan tits, swirling her tongue around the hard brown nipple, before biting and tugging on it, then giggling. "You can't imagine how long I've yearned to see you with tits, Ki," she said quietly, smirking up at the older girl. "They're everything I've ever hoped for and dreamed of." "Just wait until you see my cunt, then," Kiya replied, shivering beneath her sister's kisses. How she'd missed them! "And let me see if yours has become everything I've ever dreamed of." Nanu nodded and then wiggled around until her hips were over Kiya's face. In the dim light, the older sister could see the tempting twat, glistening with arousal and shaved curiously smooth. It must have been how they did things in distant Rome, of which her little sister was now apparently queen or some such thing. Without a moment's hesitation, she craned her head up and began kissing, sending shudders through Nanu and making her moan. The sisters kissed and lapped at one another, lovers reunited after agonizing years apart. They fell into it naturally, remembering what the other loved and craved, even if their bodies had changed in the interim. Nanu sighed in bliss at the taste of her sister, cloying and sweet on her tongue. She felt Kiya go rigid as one of her fingers slipped inside her twat. They rolled slowly onto their sides, legs locked around each other's head as they sucked on one another's cunt hungrily, lost in mutual pleasure. Mark and Becky kept watching, undulating and squirming as quietly as they could, letting the sisters rediscover their lost love. Nanu and Kiya were moaning into one another's pussies now, little gasps escaping them. They could see Nanu's ass cheeks clenching and pushing forward against her sister's face, even while Kiya slithered her tongue around inside her. They were both trembling and sweating now, bodies shining in the dim, flickering orange light inside the tent. "Ooh, here we go," Becky whispered, her hand reaching back to rest on Mark's neck and help keep her braced against him. "Let's see how long this has been pent up;” Both sisters were shaking now, but still lapping and sucking on each other relentlessly, squeaking and whimpering as they tried to hold out. But their lust would not be denied, and they both keened and strained, finally cumming. Mark and Becky watched in fascinated delight as Nanu bathed her sister's face in her glistening cum, and heard her moaning as Kiya reciprocated. Becky shivered and pressed her ass back against Mark, hard, sighing as she began to cum as well. Mark pressed forward with his hips, pushing his cock as far inside her as he could, pumping his cum deep into her greedy cunt. They squirmed and ground against each other, with Mark biting Becky's neck and her fingers running through his hair. "Umm, Mark;” she cooed, nuzzling against him, loving the feel of his molten cum inside her. "You have no idea how good this feels." "If it's one tenth as good as that, then pretty damn incredible," Mark said, nodding at Nanu and Kiya, who were still kissing one another's pussies, murmuring quietly and caressing. Nanu disengaged her mouth from Kiya's snatch and turned around again, lying on top of her sister as they began kissing again, tasting themselves on each other's lips. Kiya moved her right leg and Nanu her left, shifting around until their gooey pussies were squashed together, which they both obviously found immensely comforting. They ended their kiss, and Nanu looked over at Mark and Becky dreamily, her face shining with cum. "I would like to let Kiya taste you both;” Mark and Becky nodded, remembering that they were still pretending Nanu was noble and they were mere slaves. Mark slowly pulled his cock out of Becky and rolled onto his back. He pulled his teacher on top of him, facing up, with his cock poking up between her legs. The sisters crawled over, with Kiya looking rather hesitant, but trusting her little sister. She gazed at Mark's erect cock and Becky's twat in wonder. "He's huge," she breathed, unconsciously licking her lips. "You're lucky to have such a big cock at your disposal whenever you like, Nanu." "Don't I know it," giggled the younger sister, taking hold of Mark's tool and holding it up for Kiya, while she began kissing Becky's cunt, shivering as she tasted Mark's cum dribbling out of her mistress. "You'll love the taste of this cunt, too." Kiya began experimenting with kissing Mark's cock, which was glistening with his and Becky's mingled cum. The Egyptian girl seemed intimidated by its size initially, but remembered that Nanu clearly loved it, so there must be nothing to fear. Her hand joined Nanu's around the base of the shaft and soon she was sliding her tongue up and down his length, much like Nanu was doing to Becky's sweet twat. The sisters paused to kiss, tongues tangling as they shared the cum they'd both lapped up, humming contentedly into one another's mouth. To watch them, Mark would have sworn they'd done this before. They both stroked his shaft, while Nanu caressed Becky's cunt. The two girls pressed their foreheads together, giggling at some secret between them. Nanu looked at Becky and Mark warmly. "We should sleep, my family will not leave us alone for long. And I want my sister to try fucking you both before we must leave." "I do not want you to go," Kiya sighed. "I just got you back, Tahamet, it breaks my heart that you intend to leave again. Couldn't; couldn't you and your servants stay with us? You could even lead our family, since you are the one with the wealth. We could live wherever we wanted. I wanted to raise my daughter with you, my other half, missing for so long." Nanu's eyes glistened as she looked over at Mark and Becky. The blonde woman smiled lovingly. "Nanu," she said gently in Latin, which Kiya didn't speak. "This is your decision. If you want to stay with your sister and your family, Mark and I will understand. We'll leave the money with you, and even come and visit you when we can." The tear on her cheek was proof of how torn the young woman was by this decision. And it was one she had to make alone, possibly for the first time in her entire life. It had to be terrible for her. Finally, she hung her head for several moments, and when she looked back up, she was smiling. "Ki, I must go back to my life,", she sighed, her mind made up. "Trust me, I really want to stay, or to take you with me, especially you and little Nanu, but it must be this way. I can promise to visit, and that will have to do." "I understand," the older sister choked, nodding as her eyes welled over with tears. "I do. It's just hard. I'm so glad that you're alive and happy. It means so much to me. If the price is sending you away again, I can endure it. For you. For us. You know how in love with you I am." "Same as I am with you," Nanu said, her voice cracking and tears flowing. "Just remember that I'll keep my promise and visit whenever I can." The sisters grappled onto one another and began kissing feverishly, lying on their sides while their hands wandered freely. Mark chuckled and allowed Becky to clamber off him. She went to lie on the far side, spooning into Nanu and making sure she stayed pressed to her sister. Mark, meanwhile, spooned into Kiya, holding her in place against Nanu, while the two girls continued kissing and whimpering into one another's mouths. The two time travelers reached across and rested a hand on each other, smiling and relaxing, waiting for the Egyptian girls to nod off, their lips still pressed together in a forever-kiss. It was a long-overdue night of safety and contentment for the two. It was just dawn now, and Kiya looked like she was going into convulsions as she rocked up and down on top of Mark's cock. It was far the largest she'd ever had inside her, and it felt like it was splitting her open, like a wedge split wood. She could feel crackling and popping in her hips. How did Nanu, who was even smaller than her, endure it? Becky was kneeling right behind Kiya over Mark's thighs, pressed into the smaller girl and smiling wickedly while she molested her tits. Meanwhile, Nanu was kneeling over Mark's mouth, letting him lash her cunt with his tongue, while she faced into her older sister, loving the look on Kiya's face as she was almost fucked in half. Kiya squirmed and writhed, gasping like she was being choked, her eyes rolling up into her head. It wasn't long before her cunt clenched Mark ferociously, and Nanu had to lean forward and kiss her sister before Kiya shrieked in unreal ecstasy and woke up the entire family over and over, three hundred meh-ta away. Mark ground into Nanu's cunt as he arched his hips, pushing up somehow deeper inside Kiya and then cumming, filling her so profusely that she was once again shaking like she was having a seizure. The squishy noises of his cum bubbling out of her filled the tiny tent. Nanu shivered and came on his mouth seconds later. Becky hauled the nearly unconscious Kiya off of Mark's pole, while Nanu leaned down and sucked it clean quickly. She then moved forward quickly to lie between her sister's legs, sucking Mark's cum out of her cunt with a fiendish eagerness. Becky crawled over to join Mark and they watched the sisters quietly. Nanu finished draining Kiya of cum, finally, and crawled over her, nestling down onto her body. Not surprisingly, they were kissing again. "Jeez, you ever seen too people more in love?" he mused, smirking as he lazily caressed her tits while she sat in front of him. "I ain't complaining about the show," Becky replied, nodding and grazing her fingernails along his forearm. "She must really believe in our promise to her if she's willing to leave her sister and niece behind to come with us. I feel slightly bad about it." Mark shrugged. "She wouldn't have even had this choice without us, Becks," he pointed out. "Clearly our offer means a lot to her. 'sides, she knows she can always visit them now, just like we promised. And if the Holmes Field Device won't bring her forward, we can leave her here with them, right?" "I guess that's true," Becky agreed, nodding and just watching. "What is that language they speak to one another when they don't want anyone to understand them?" Kiya asked in a whisper, looking just past her sister's shoulder at Mark and Becky suspiciously. "I don't even know," Nanu confessed. "I've never heard it before. Anywhere." Kiya gazed up into her younger sister's eyes, giving her a skeptical look. "They're not your slaves, are they? There's no damn way two people as magnificent as that are slaves to anybody, forget a dopey little slut of a girl from Akhmim." Nanu sighed. "Fine, you got me," she whispered, pretending to kiss her sister's ear, while Kiya squirmed and held her close. They made a show of grinding their pussies together, giving Mark and Becky something to look at. "They're not my slaves. I was hers, for a little bit. But what they really are is adventurers, from very far away. And they're taking me with them, to share their adventures. Not as a slave, but as one of them." Kiya assessed what her sister was saying for some time, trying to parse it out. It sounded absurd, but then, so was Nanu

"No Kings On Presidents Day" protests send a huge "FU" to Trump. Tesla Czar Elon Musk blathered the 60 Minutes team should be jailed. Shitler has a plan to squeeze Ukraine for cash. House prices in DC plummeted due to DOGE firing federal employees. A plane ended upside down after a crash in Toronto. Another polar vortex is on the way. Some of the recently released January 6th "tourists" are back in court for other creepy crimes. The Crabs reviewed winners of the BAFTA Awards. Pope Francis is sick despite his close relationship with JEEBUS. Greece has been contending with a continuous earthquake and Alaska braces for a volcanic eruption. "No Kings on Presidents Day" protesters - 2025 Check out CrabDiving radio podcast Monday!

The Alan Cox Show

The Alan Cox Show

The Alan Cox Show

The Alan Cox Show

On this week's episode the Dudes, John and Luke are joined by special guest Sam or as he is known on Twitter, Nostr, and Discord,… The post Meet Jeebus first appeared on Those 3 Dudes Podcast.

Mitch and James discuss Australia's fastest growing towns and cities, house price data for March, the areas where sellers are making profits (and not), McGrath going private and unpacking ‘the deal', and finishing with some disturbing news for cash users around Australia!   Get in touch alexf@jlf.com.au | jamesf@jlf.com.au All views and opinions discussed are that of the hosts. They do not endorse reliability or accuracy of their information. Not for commercial use. 

Thursday, February 29: Girls - Beer - Sports Jeebus Take The Beer by FiredUp Network

In this episode we tell you everything you need to know about leap day. We find out who the drunkest fans in the NFL are and if you can play football on ice. How to tell if your house is haunted, what's a chizza, taco bell is bringing back a taco, snackle pack, the cadbury bunny bracket and more!

Did Tucker Carlson at least get a reach around from Putin? The special counsel appointed for the Biden classified docs found nothing criminal but the salty language in their purposely inaccurate report didn't reflect that. Trump-hunter Jack Smith may get Aileen Cannon kicked from the case of the secret docs because of her supreme incompetency and her Trump-sucking biases. American football wankers will gamble on this Super Bowl more than ever.  A pile of conservative spew blathered a second civil war would be worth it if it turned the nation back to JEEBUS. Flamboyant mega load pastor Greg Locke caterwauled over building regulations being applied to his damaged tent-church. STD tests have been made available in vending machines in the UK. Three junk studies on abortion pills were pulled by their journals but not before being cited in decisions by Federal judges.

Trump is attacking Nikki Haley with the usual racist dog whistles. Governor Haley blathered America has never been a racist country. In the United States, inflation is caused by corporate greed. A grand jury indicted Glengarry Glen Ross star Alec Baldwin for involuntary manslaughter over the fatal shooting on the set of Rust. Montana is trying to make abortion a right for every citizen but the woman haters of the GOP continue to crap on their efforts. A dangerous and unnecessary swim-with-sharks experience was closed after a ten-year-old was bitten. Tooty Rudy Giuliani has been filling his pampers during bankruptcy proceedings, as well as other proceedings. A vile Repub from Oregon caterwauled Muslims and other godless folks are unfit to hold office. The cicadas are coming like you wouldn't believe. Prophetess loon Kat Kerr claimed to get info straight from Don Jr. on the regs. Weasel-faced Eric Trump said his gross fascist father was guided by god. Christian nationalist wanker Bill Cook announced any soul involved in election fraud, but not in the way normal people think of it, will be stuck down by merciful JEEBUS.

Jeebus! Folks out here straight out lying about San Francisco --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sanfranciscodamn/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sanfranciscodamn/support

Trump stupidly keeps attacking judges and prosecutors. Man-baby melted down bigly on Truth Social tossing shade at Nancy Pelosi, Jack Smith, and many others. Trumpy judge Allieen Cannon caterwauled over the use of two grand juries in the Trump document case. Shitler complained that water regulations have negatively impacted his creepy orange hair configuration. Don-the-con's ridiculous defamation lawsuit against E.Jean Carroll was dismissed. Mein Pillow wanker Mike Lindell announced yet another cyber symposium with the promise of a plan to get Trump into The White House. The Crabs covered the magnificent Alabama boat brawl where a bunch of lobstered racist rednecks gets their comeuppance for attacking an African American security guard. The Czar of Oklahoma blathered that everyone in his state gaining a personal relationship with JEEBUS would be his only wish.

Trump stiffed an entire Miami Cuban restaurant after pleading not guilty to a crap ton of charges relating to his absconding of top secret docs. The PGA Tour merger is under investigation for breaking antitrust laws. Legendary whistleblower Daniel Ellsberg passed away. Tooty Rudy Giuliani used an email address with a female alias relating to emails about the insurrection. The cabal known as the National Association of Christian Lawmakers has dedicated itself to installing a Christian nationalist government. Golden-voiced hate pastor Shane Vaugh reminded us that Trump is indeed above the law. The Supremes in Iowa struck down a 6 week abortion ban. JEEBUS wanker Kent Christmas begged Christians to die for their creepy causes. Witch-hunter Greg Locke destroyed a dollhouse with a padded baseball bat to make a bizarre point about Christianity. Silver-tongued biblical mouthpiece Kenneth Copeland blathered that our laws should be based on conversations Jesus had with George Washington.  The Biden-Burisma scandal is the saddest nothing-burger ever.

The Crabs dissect the entire Trump indictment which includes a detailed review of how the Shitler and his band of MAGAT lug-heads at Mara Lago shuffled around the top-secret documents. The twits even shoved boxes of classified papers in the crapper. Trumpkin Rep from Louisiana reacted to Manbaby's indictment with a call for civil war. Far-right loads hate casters Pete Santilli and Lance Migliaccia fantasized about taking out General Mark Milley and then using the military to arrest President Biden. JEEBUS bot Shane Vaughn blathered something about Christians uniting to reelect the twice impeached and indicted former POTUS to another term in the White House. Homophobic preacher Pat Robertson finally croaked leaving behind a nasty legacy.

This week Gallo is missing! thank Jeebus we got a great stand in W/ Jared from the Evil Mark Show, Feathers and friends, and Editing Sucias are my favorite! we talk about Exes, Strippers, Sports, and getting a blanket! Make sure to follow our social media with the links below and Follow, Subscribe, and Share to help us grow the podcast! Like the audio? Check out the Video on YouTube! Boogie IG: https://www.instagram.com/cementblock_productions/ Gallo IG: https://www.instagram.com/sucias.are.my.favorite/ Jared: https://www.instagram.com/evlmrk/ YouTube: https://youtu.be/RrW_sWmSypA

There was an arrest warrant for Putin and hopefully, Trump gets one soon too. Law enforcement has been preparing for the possible indictment of Shitler. The pandemic was linked to messed up raccoons according to science. Mother's Husband, AKA Mike Pence, didn't apologize for the homophobic jab leveled at Mayor Pete during a press event. Hunter Biden has filed counterclaims against the computer repairman who mishandled his laptop. The conserv-a-loads of Texas announced a fascist takeover of the Houston school system. Christian soldier loons have been waddling to MAGA-mecca, AKA Idaho. Americans have been escaping to Europe for lower costs of living. My Pillow Czar Mike Lindell had to take out a massive loan to keep his company afloat. JEEBUS minion Kirk Cameron and his flock of Christian trolls harassed a library board in Tennessee into firing an employee who the TV star claimed discriminated against his Christ-like ways. In a short but violent When Animals Get Pissed segment, a wrongly imprisoned Zebra took the arm of his jailer.

The Biden speech destroyed the GOP and Trump claims he'll give DNA, gross. Blotch Nazi Steve Bannon blasted Governor Sarah Huckabee for not being intellectually capable regarding her response to Biden's State Of the Union address.  Alleged rapist and former POTUS Donald Trump accused Ron Desantis, the totalitarian Czar of Florida, of being a groomer. King of Pillows, Mike Lindell, is very perturbed over DeSantis praising the lawyer suing Trump and farter Rudy Guilliani for defamation. The Turkish people are angered over Erdogan's slow response to the massive earthquake that has killed over 20,000 so far. JEEBUS superfan and MAGAT pastor Shane Vaughn blathered, "When you do not support the man that God has ordained for the job, you are a Judas." Conserv-a-wanker Rick Scarborough has an evil plan to take over school boards. Newly elected GOP House member and liar extraordinaire George Santos was charged with writing bad checks to buy dogs.  

Kevin McCarthy's very bad day version 3.0. The morons of the Freedom Caucus continued to c-block sad Kevin's attempt to become Speaker of the House. Feckless Shitler attempted to help McCarthy win more votes from House members but failed. The Crabs played clips of a 10-year-old conservative Christian pro-gun, anti-Biden rapper following in the fascist footsteps of his loony Dad. We learned antisemitic orc Mel Gibson is set to direct a sequel to Passion of the Christ and Jim Caviezel, born in 1968, will play JEEBUS again. Marjorie Taylor Greene, AKA Mama Nazi, has been fuming over her fellow GOP congresspeople for not electing loser Kevin McCarthy as Speaker. Sith Lord of the West Kari Lake hasn't given up on the governorship of Arizona even though her opponent has been sworn in. Alleged rapist Donald Trump called for military strikes against drug cartels and yelled at clouds via his crappy social media platform.

It's officially JESUS SEASON on Bibleish, but this week we're bringing back an episode that we both adore for the first time since it launched: our 2019 Christmas extravaganza! In this episode, Lily gives us an eye-opening background on the true Pagan origins of Santa, Christmas, and holiday blood-splashing. We also finish the story of baby Jeebus, follow him into his early adulthood, watch him get yelled at by his mom, and sing you some songs. We hope you enjoy and we'll see you on Christmas Day for our next episode!SUPPORT THE SHOW ONPatreonInstagramFacebookSupport the show

Does Herschel Walker have more career touchdowns or funded abortions? Three right-wing loon extremists were found guilty of attempting to kidnap Governor Whitmer. Crappy SCOTUS Thomas temporarily blocked wanker Lindsey Graham's testimony in the Georgia election fraud trial. Middle Earth Senator Ted Cruz went to Yankee stadium and received boos and all kinds of lovely hate. Antisemitic podcaster Nick Fuentes is still a tremendous fascist. King of all prophets Hank Kunneman blathered an ignorant comparison between Biden and Hitler. Villainous Kent Christmas prayed to JEEBUS asking for Sydney Powell to be made into a bulldozer that will destroy the American judicial system. The LGBTQ community has received threats relating to drag queen story hours. Thugs of the GOP have deployed armed MAGATS to terrorize voters using ballot drop boxes.

Trump Org CFO Weisselberg pleaded guilty and will testify against the company. A judge said the Mar-a-Lago affidavit can be released after redactions. Shitler has been pulling in big bucks from fundraising off the FBI raid on the Winter White House. An evil totalitarian Florida court decided that a teen isn't mature enough to have an abortion. Crackpot antisemitic US Rep Marjorie Taylor Greene blathered that energy from wind turbines won't get our clothes clean or keep the air cool. MSNBC host Alex Wagner interviewed Florida teachers who have attended newly designed training meant to indoctrinate educators with Christian nationalism ideology. An adult judge in the gun-shine state blocked the Florida Governor's dumb Stop Woke Act. Podcaster Joe Rogan is against forced birth. White nationalist wanker Tyler Russell wants the country to go to the right to the infinity degree. A Christian nationalist running for office in Oklahoma said his loony mission is to use his position to spread the word of Jeebus. CrabDiving frequent flyer Louie Gohmert mutters, "Bye Felicia!" to politics after a long run of accomplishing very little as the Rep for the First District of Texas.  

Christian Rock. A phenomenon in which the iconically American genre of music is used as a tool for evangelizing, preaching, or otherwise sharing christian religious beliefs. Though christianity had long opposed the "devil music" that was rock and roll, sometime around the late 1960s and early 1970s, former hippies who had turned to Christ discovered that they could use rock music as a means of spreading their gospel. Though many old guard christians considered it abhorrent, and conflicting to their values, christian rock gradually spread among the faithful, and even enjoyed a surge of mainstream commercial success in the 1990s via acts like Creed, Relient K, P.O.D., DC Talk, Jars of Clay, and many more.It's a phenomenon that many millennials and gen Z'ers grew up with, largely through the influence of religious parents or peers. Some embraced religion whole-heartedly through it, but for many among us...we still don't get it.With that level of ill-preparedness in mind, on this episode of Jukebox Zeroes, Lilz and Patrick welcome Ashley Rogers and Shane Smith to the pod. Both return guests had grown up with christian rock as an everpresent force in their youth, and are glad to educate Lilz and Patrick in the ways of excessively earnest guys rocking out for Jeebus. Join them for a round-table discussion of random christian rock songs and artists, to exorcise some long dormant demons of their childhood, and make fun of Doug TenNapel.Seriously, fuck that guy.#werenormalnowLocal Music Feature: The Revenants - "Why Is God A Goddamn Jerk"

March 28, 2022 The party investigates the mysterious digging in Brzara's warehouse. Quotes: I thought you do my laundry No! I've never heard of an eyebrow toupee before If you make me eat poop, I will turn you into a slug. Me too and I don't even know that spell. ZxZk if you kill my rat I'm gonna kill you. You think we should break that thing moving boxes? The crane? No, a crane is a bird. Leave him one pen, but there's no ink in it. It's not actually rum raisin, it's rum and anxiety This don't taste like a chicken or a pea.

Hate-filled American religious zealots are driving a huge increase in atheism. The Governor of Montana dined in Italy to while his constituents drowned. Vince McMahon stepped down from the WWE after news broke the former wrestling CEO involved in a sexual assault scandal involving hush money. Beto has gained on Abbott in the Texas gubernatorial polls. A House Democrat righteously called for SCOTUS Thomas to resign. A lawmaker in the UK called out his government for illegally pulling out of an agreement related to Brexit.  GOP demon John Cornyn was booed after signing a very modest gun control bill. Mexico is preparing for a wave of Americans seeking abortion after Roe is gone. GA senatorial candidate Herschel Walker told sleepy Ben Carson celebrities should stop telling us not to do things. Wee Kenneth Copeland wrongly reminded us vitamin C was a COVID cure and then the god-bot blessed his flock via public airwaves. A JEEBUS freak said childbirth will make you hate gay people. A Trumpist running in South Carolina blathered grooming and indoctrination should be punishable by death. The idiot leader of the Patriot Front complained about his arrest and jailing for attempting to attack a pride event.

Barr called BS on Trump's fraud claims and Ivanka agreed with him.  Human cosplayer Jared Kushner said when Trump's lawyers threatened to quit amid the coup he thought they were whining. Man-baby raged over Bill Bart's testimony at the insurrection hearing.  The Secretary of State candidate from Cali with supposed magical JEEBUS powers who lost bigly is claiming she actually won. Ginni Thomas, wife of Clarence, was all up in Arizona trying to steal the state for Shitler.  Cretins from Texas sued a family for getting their kid hormone therapy. A Florida man mistook a gator for a dog and lost a chunk of leg. Bieber has been suffering from facial paralysis.  A Gieco customer caught HPV in her car AB's her insurance covered the medical expense. A three year old survived a bite from a copperhead and a Floridian didn't die after a cottonmouth bite. A sloth bear massacred a couple.

We're joined by our friend Jeebus (and Zea) and On this episode we talk about: Carnivores say Veggies are BAD (00:03:05), Listen Now! Bravo The Revolution (00:10:10), “Sorry, TWO MonkeyPoxes .?!”(00:16:30), Is an Alien Invasion coming? (00:20:20), Queries (00:34:55), The Plebes QUIT Energy Drinks (00:41:44), So We're in a Simulation and Cheat Codes Exist? (00:52:15), Coming Soon: £conomi¢ D. Pression ft. Wrld War 3 & The RAPture (01:17:10), NEW Electric DeLorean! (01:28:05), NO TRUMPS Card Game ft Jeebus (01:46:00), and MORE! **LIMITED TIME MERCH SALE | EVERYTHING 25% OFF | VISIT www.HeyPlebes.threadless.com **Like and Subscribe to us on YouTube Follow us on Twitter and Instagram @heyplebesWe love 5 Star Reviews on Apple Podcasts! If you don't then you probably need to use 68945514.

Nobody Chases Baby Jeebus. It's like a hippie shit themselves. Tits make everything better. This is just a small sample of the highlights that await in Episode 68 of the greatest motorcycling podcast on earth and it's difficult to imagine a good reason why you haven't pressed play already? There's also Borrie's Poem, We Told You So and George's Email. And Rossi's Letter. And the segment music is back. Still reading? FFS, just hit the play button already. Your life will never be the same again. The Following is a Public Service Announcement: None of this – and we mean none of this, including the yelling, the crying, the cussing, the finger-pointing, the nappy-soiling, the bitch-slapping, and gold medal prosciutto-making – would be possible without the support of our brilliant sponsors. We demand and insist you support them because they support us. Don't make us come to your house with pipes and knives and force you to test-ride their bikes and buy their products. We will. We have no morals and jail only scares one of us, but Freido will be deported before he spends any time in Long Bay. Click on the bloody links. Please. Savic Motorcycles (https://www.savicmotorcycles.com/) – We couldn't be prouder than to have the support of Australia's own high-performance electric motorcycle manufacturer which is set to revolutionise e-motorcycles worldwide, while saving polar bears, low-lying countries, and every tree on earth from climate catastrophe. Won't do much for deserts, but. They're probably gonna stay deserts. If you can't get one of the gorgeous bikes, the least you could do is buy some of the gear – it would be un-Australian of you not to. Honda Australia (https://motorcycles.honda.com.au/en) – From the very first superbike, the incredible Honda 750-4, Honda has been synonymous with speed. Racing is in its DNA, and HRC is the team everyone wants to be in. Producing some of the best-engineered bikes on earth, and boasting the services of multiple-world champion, Marc Marquez (now no longer blind, apparently), these are certainly the handlebars you wanna try hanging onto. Made in Germany (https://www.mig.bike/) – For the very finest in riding gear, and the official Australian distributor of Held Biker Fashion – since 1946, Daytona boots, IXS and Pinlock. SC-Project Oceania (https://sc-project.com.au/) – There are no better motorcycle exhausts on this earth. None. The sexiest aural sex-cannons, from the world's largest and finest bike-exhaust manufacturer, can and must be yours. Do it. It is the song of our people. And you must play that song every time you ride. It's in the rules. Suzuki Australia (https://www.suzukimotorcycles.com.au/) – Creators of truly legendary motorcycle, who also do a great job keeping Mir and Rins off the streets and on the MotoGP racetrack where they belong. If you don't test-ride Suzuki motorcycles at least once a week, you'll never get a pretty girlfriend. Triumph Australia (https://www.triumphmotorcycles.com.au/) – The Empire awaits your pleasure. Booking a test-ride on any of the glorious English missiles is easier than getting stabbed by a Chelsea soccer hooligan, and until you've ridden a Rocket 3, you have not actually ridden anything. Aprilia Australia (https://www.aprilia.com/au_EN/) – these magnificent bastards build bikes so good, their MotoGP efforts are better than the sweating bastards, The Munted Asparagus and Rev Bomb Vinales, will ever be. Go ride one of its masterpieces. Do it this weekend. Moto Guzzi Australia (https://www.motoguzzi.com/au_EN/) – As Italian as espresso, and as rewarding and fun to ride as that stolen horse you knocked off so you can pay the Sicilian bloke with the pretty daughter not to kill you. Every person has to own a Moto Guzzi once in their life. Harley-Davidson Australia (https://www.harley-davidson.com/au/en/index.html) – The world's oldest, toughest, and most iconic marque has re-vamped, re-charged, and re-energised itself with a new engine and new models, which you just have to ride to believe. The legendary bikes are still there (No, Slim, they stopped making Knuckles a while back), but Harley is carving a whole new chapter in its storied history with the Pan America and the Sportster S. Ride and believe.

In This Sniffly, Sneezy, Cough-y, Achey, Stuffed Up Episode, We Talk About: Black & LGBTQ Moments in History; An Historic Statement from President Biden to LGBTQ Americans; Can you sue a school district for telling your black child he's black?; F*ck John Mulaney, Dave Chappelle AND Bill Maher; SNL left us with questions...and more! -- Please Subscribe and Give Us A Review (5 stars or more, preferably!) SUPPORT US ON PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/fullcirclethepod VISIT OUR LINKTREE: https://linktr.ee/fullcirclethepod PROMO: Beyond The Rainbow Podcast - https://beyondtherainbowpodcast.com/ Download and use Newsly for free TODAY from www.newsly.me and use promo code FULLC1RCLE to receive a FREE 1-month premium subscription. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/full-circle-podcast8/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/full-circle-podcast8/support

Pence was afraid of getting black-vanned out of DC on January 6th. DeSantis might not be able to kill Disney. The Euro wind industry has been smacked with hack attacks. One in five species of reptiles may become extinct due to climate change including cobras. Dumb MAGATS said dumb crap at a dumb Trump rally. Vlad said he may nuke the west. The US and Russia exchanged some prisoners. JEEBUS load Shane Vaughn reminded us god chose Shitler. A Repub running for office was busted beating his wife. Horrific legislator Marjorie Taylor Greene said the Catholic Church is being run by Satan and pedos. Conservative doofus Louie Gohmert bizarrely defended insurrectionist-curious SCOTUS Clarence Thomas.

The Alan Cox Show

     Today we've got Clayton, Jesse, Archie, and Delano heading on out to good old Ruff and Puff once again.      Smartsville decides to get a little topical and we discuss the "slap heard round the world" that occurred at the Oscars.      Jesse brings up the time they were at a party where a massive fight broke out in the driveway that kind of felt like some kind of chaotic battle.      The gang also thinks back on a good friend they lovingly referred to as bear and some of the wild times we all had with him.      Archie, Delano, and Clayton all tell stories involving Bridgeport, the river, and the no glass rules. Shout out to a certain special ranger (whose name will remain hidden) for being such a top-notch do-gooder.      Jesse quickly runs through an interaction he had with a rather cool officer who caught him red-handed in a pretty obvious lie, and let him off with a fair warning. Dlo then explains the time a cop was giving him a hard time outside of the bowling alley past curfew.      Out of nowhere Archie also brings up the Santa Barbara story which sticks in everybody's mind who was on that trip. This then leads to Delano and Archie explaining their trip to Colorado and the very special gift they brought back to Dizzle.      This is a great time with the Penn valley crew sparking up Old joints and going into the way back machine. Shout out Seal's Kiss By A Rose.   Welcome To Smartsville! -We are on most major podcast apps -Google Podcast, Apple Podcast, Amazon Music and Spotify! -Contact us : Email: smartsvillepodcast@gmail.com Click to Visit Feed (smartsville.podbean.com) - Matt's IG (molehill_matt)

Tucker Carlson wants FOX colleagues to stop countering Putin's lies with facts. The U.S. and allies pulled Russia's most favored nation status. Actor Jussie Smollett got 150 days plus a pile of cash for faking hate crimes in the Windy City. Xenophobic pedo eighties rocker Ted Nugent endorsed ridiculous TV Dr. Oz for whatever office the charlatan is running for in Pennsylvania. Prolifically ignorant Vito Barbieri questioned a Satanist about blood sacrifice during a forced birth hearing. The Crabs also reviewed Vito's most famous gaffe involving a tremendous misunderstanding of inside fun parts. Brit fascist Nigel Farage defended Russian oligarchs saying their assets from ill gotten gains shouldn't be seized. In Oregon, a snowflake GOP resigned his office over wickedness in his own party. Old white loads legislating vaginas don't understand ectopic pregnancies. A gaggle of spring breakers from MIT OD'd on fentanyl laced blow. Don Jr. portrays the role of a Jedi level coke head whilst explaining how his father played Putin like a fiddle. A hateful evangelical wanker said gay bashing was cool with Jeebus. Finally a prophet blathered something about Putin and George Soros.

Shhhh baby Jesus is *still* sleeping! This VERY special episode comes to you by way of the year 2018. It is our very first Christmas episode, and we love it with all our hearts. This is the story of baby Jeebus, his mom, his dad (God), Elizabeth (WHO?!) and an announcement from us about the Christmas Double Feature you're about to get this month.Good tidings to you, dear listeners. Wherever you are. Happy Jeebus season! See you again next week! Away In A Manger by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0. Artist: http://audionautix.com/Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/bibleishpodcast)

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Thanks to climate change deniers we may be totally boned. Democrats have entered into a budge reconciliation resolution which should lead to a bigly stimulus package. One of Cuomo's victim accused the Governor of criminal activity. Lunatic Pastor Greg Locke claimed Tennessee plans to imprison the unvaccinated in camps. Right-wing a-hole extraordinaire Pete Santilli said folks are regretting getting the jab because they're worried about the activation of energized graphene oxide via 5G tech. JEEBUS mogul Rick Wiles announced a deal between himself, a Christian music app, Carrie Underwood, and a creepy confederation of straight white Christian penis swingers. A whacko preacher proclaimed "you don't have to wear the mask, you got Jesus. You don't need the vaccine, you got Jesus" to his dumb flock of waddlers. Trump-sucker Mike Lindell continued to sound bonkers promoting his silly cyber symposium where the case will be made Shitler did indeed win the election because of Qanon or something. A particularly dull Karen complained to her African American neighbor about her flag with the Winnie the Pooh character planted in the front yard.

Biden hopes covidiots will get jabbed for a hundred bucks. Covid cases hit a record high in Tokyo testing the resilience of the Olympic bubble. The variant has been surging in the south. A Florida county called for a mask mandate for schools despite caterwauling from the state's stupid governor. The Capitol Police said they'd arrest anyone defying the mandate in The House. There was a huge earthquake 65 miles off the coast of Alaska. New Zealand has been rated the best place to survive a global societal collapse. Iranian hackers breached defense contractors by setting honey traps which include a fake aerobic instructor from Liverpool. Nazi legislator Marjorie Taylor Greene called for MAGATs to shoot anyone offering the coronavirus vaccine. The Trump team endorsed a candidate who ended up losing but Shitler still declared this a win. Evangelical tyrant Michele Bachmann blathered lies about insurrectionists claiming they were ANTIFA disguised in MAGA hats. JEEBUS sucker Gordon Klingenschmitt advertised gold coins with man-baby's likeness on a side for $45. Religious wanker Rick Wiles blamed the vaccinated for spreading COVID because he's a moron.

High-temperature records all over and Republicans still DGAF. Scientists have been trying to figure out how we survive extreme heat. GOP lawmakers have been figuratively sucking upon Manchin and Sinema for their continued grotesque support of the racist filibuster. Fascist Tucker Carlson blathered something about jailed insurrectionists being political prisoners. Billionaire Branson has set a date to go to space. The West Nile Virus is all over the place. Profit loon Hank Kunneman called on JEEBUS to silence profit haters. The best is not yet to come for Guilfoyle's relationship with 45. A baseball player is suing his pastor, who also happens to be his marriage counselor, for banging his wife. Shitler's CFO was fired as the director of the Trump golf course in Scotland. Ark Encounter creator Ken Hamm said he's creating a theme park around a replica of the Tower of Babel. A coronavirus outbreak at a church summer camp lead to 125 positive cases. Christianity is doomed according to studies covered in today's podcast.  

Jeebus...Have you seen the HellFest 2022 Line-up? To say it's a doozy might be the understatement of the century. Seriously, go look at it...it's every band ever so if they can pull it off, it may go down as the most legendary festival line up of all time. We also discuss more tracks from the DC Dark Knights Death Metal project, Sony music releasing artist from unfavorable royalty contracts and in a quick tangent, Jason wonders how much Olivia Munn has spent to erase her ethnicity. Also in our "Found Drugs" segment, British Royal Marines are arrested for smuggling coke in lego boxes that ended up a gift for what had to be the most off-the-hook kids birthday party ever and Thoryn gives his recommendations for new sci-fi reading. Go to Hell...Fest.

Trump cult knives are coming out for Liz Cheney. The White House responded to the Colonial Pipeline hack with an emergency order. We learned Jared Kushner didn't bring peace to the Middle East. JEEBUS baller Tim Tebow got a one-year deal with the Jaguars meanwhile Colin Kaepernick remains on the sidelines without a team. The FDA cleared the vaccine for 12 to 15-year-olds. Florida's coronavirus variant cases have been soaring. Also in Florida, there was a horrifically crazy, violent antisemitic hate rally at the Holocaust Center near Orlando. Bill Gates used to toss stripper pool parties and later on, chilled with the late convicted sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow went nuts on designer whiskey and bread during the quarantine. Governor Newsom announced a huge budget surplus and more stimulus money. A dude who stormed the Capitol claimed "Foxmania" made him commit sedition. Former Infowarrior Deanna Lorraine appeared on a crappy, simpleton podcast where she compared her vile anti-mask activism to the plight of Jewish people during the Holocaust.  

Trump may be jealous of Bolsonaro's disastrous COVID-19 response in Brazil. There was a mass shooting at a FedEx facility. Biden hasn't lifted Trump's refugee cap yet. The science-denying Governor of one of the Dakotas pledged to accept zero illegal immigrants. A Christo-wanker said god will destroy the US to save it from the Dems. Right-wing dirt-bag Stew Peters said we need more alpha-cops with warrior psyches. Arkansas Senate passed a day of prayers for students. A pastor/ lawmaker resigned over sex abuse claims in Missouri. We learned if you include "a Florida man" in most parts of The Bible, the laborious screed reads better. Jeebus creep Jerry Falwell Jr. is being sued by Liberty University for ten million bucks. A mid a deadly coronavirus pandemic, Brazil opts to build yet another massive Jesus. The Governor of West Virginia could have started an outbreak of HIV by ending a needle exchange program. UBI champion Andrew Yang leads in the New York mayoral race.  

EPIC Easter NBA weekend Winners & Losers show for today: Jrue Holiday got a BIG extension, Joel Embiid came back, Isaiah Thomas joins the Pelicans, KD is meant to return to the Nets lineup this week, BUT most importantly: the Space Jam 2: A New Legacy trailer came out... and like Jeebus himself, our one true King, Matthew Dellavedova aka KING DELLY, First of His Name, Smasher of Tins, came back! HE HAS ARISEN! SO! In addition to a MEGA WEEKEND WINNERS & LOSERS, we've got a HEAP to cover in the NBA Straya GAME WRAPS ... with the unlucky Spurs, the Mvas righting the ship, what's up with all the blow outs? -- plus, as usual there's THAT'S NOT A KNIFE, Spud of the Night, Old Mate No Mates, Pantsing of the Evening and BETTER THAN LONZO BALL!!! Also... cos it's Monday, a D**KHEAD OF THE WEEKEND! There's also YEAH NAHs -- including if Jrue Holiday is worth the MEGA extension he got, will Isaiah Thomas help the Pelicans & more -- an Unpopular Opinion of the Day & OUTBACK TAKEHOUSE, where we're serving up a flame grilled take... plus an ANDREW GAZE GREY MAMBA AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF EXCELLENCE!! As always, there's a pick & preview for the all the games tomorrow! We're still doing OK with the picks at the moment! SO go check out some odds at Play Up using THIS LINK! And we close out with a new DELLY REVIEW of MEAN GIRLS! Sweet! Righto! SMASH US ON Facebook.com/NBASTRAYA -- AND on twitter.com/NBAstraya -- NBAstraya.com ... and if you wanna buy a NBA Straya t-shirt or hoody - SMASH THIS NEW MERCH LINK!!!! the NICKNAME Tees are still on sale now too!!!! ALSO! we launched our raffle with WE ARE... so go give it a peep! We've got some great prizes up for grabs! Also: support our advertisers: Use the code STRAYA at TheDailyLiquor.com for a free 6-pack! Get smart & get 20% off at KNOWABLE with the code STRAYA Love ya guts ledges!!

Most people are calling for gun control measures following yet another massacre. Senator Wanker, AKA stupid John Kennedy from Louisiana, downplayed the role guns play in mass shootings. Moronic legislator and prominent GOP Tom Cotton blamed the shooting at the grocery store on the Black Lives Matter movement because he is a very racist person. The CDC asked America to continue rocking the mask because of the variants of the virus up in this country. Pfizer started human trials for a pill to treat the virus. Pillow Yank Lord Mike Lindell sputtered something about the release of a new stop-the-steal doc and JEEBUS. The cash-whores of the NRA have attempted to use the hashtag "stop Asian hate" to sell more guns. A study showed people are more satisfied with Biden than orange chunk Nazi. Roger Stone and Shitler sycophant Matt Gaetz permitted pretend man-son Nestor but an abbreviated spring break due to coronavirus. Sharks are now considered the savor of the underwater portion of our ecosystem.    

Biden signed the COVID-19 relief bill as GOP clowns squeal about the deficit. Colorado announced they're relaxing coronavirus restrictions at nursing homes. A nasty fecal bacteria has poisoned beaches in Northern Cali but the state government is keeping it on the DL. Representative Q-puke Marjorie Taylor Greene complained about getting justified shade over antivaxxer views. Horrific RWNJ podcaster Josh Bernstein declared that anyone forcing him to get a coronavirus vaccine will receive an injection of lead. The My Pillow traitor announced on Nazi Steve Bannon's podcast he was launching a groundbreaking social media platform for MAGATS. Conservative states have drafted anti-equality laws attacking transgender athletes. Life in Missippi's capital city continued despite the absence of safe drinking water. Florida is the most dangerous state in which to walk.  The former creepy frontman of "Damn Yankees" and current NRA board member Ted Nugent muttered something insanely stupid about going to war if Biden tries to take his pea shooters. Alleged Lolita Express passenger and GOP talking head Geraldo Rivera said he wouldn't run for an Ohio Senate seat. Actor Matthew McConaughey said he was blazing over whether to run for the Governorship of Texas. A Republican Skeksis in Florida proclaimed he was against gun control cuz JEEBUS.  

Ron DeSantis will try to convince 2024 voters he doesn't suck. A doctor from Johns Hopkins said COVID-19 will be mostly gone by April of this year. Faux News anchor Bill Hemmer warned cancel culture might come for Bible characters next. "Democratic" Senator Manchin said he was a "no" vote for Neera Tandem's cabinet nomination. Conserv-a-jerk Lauren Boebert blathered ignorant crap about the Constitution via Twitter. An adult judge suspended a forced-birth law in South Carolina. MAGAT life coach Brenden Dilley offered cruel and insane advice to a dude who gave his girlfriend coronavirus. Former Trumpkin attorney Lin Wood announced he would never accept Biden as POTUS. JEEBUS wanker Josh Bernstein moronically proclaimed cold-dead Rush Limbaugh to be as significant to America as George Washington and George Patton. A sky-god prophetess earned lunacy badges from CrabDiving by claiming she was guarded by 150-foot angels. The biblical warlock also suggested missiles shoot from our mouths during prayer that blow-up Satan. Coach Dave blamed weather manipulation machines for the deadly deep freeze in Texas. A preacher wrongly predicted Rush would be cancer, womp-womp. Finally, on Faithless Friday, the Crabs learned Kim and Kanye are splitting up.  

It’s another action-packed episode of the Keepers Of The Fringe podcast!  Can you feel the excitement brewing?  Can you smell the adrenaline pumping?  Actually…that smell might be the Keepers now that I think about it… Topics discussed in this episode include: There will be no K-2SO in the Cassian Andor series on Disney+…at least, not […]

It started out as a two-topic show. It was a runaway train dragging us from topic to topic. I mean, these tangents had tangents. Jeebus take the wheel on this one: big-game-hunting CEOs, Christmas music as all Hallow's Eve turns to dawn, and a near water-spewing moment. Toot toot! All aboard Join the tangent express! Map it out, G & E

Christmas lies are getting' EXPOSED. Ok, sort of. For our final Bibleish episode of 2018 we bring you the story of baby Jeebus, his mom, his dad (God), Elizabeth (WHO?!) and a few Christmas carols made by yours truly. Enjoy, friends. Let the spirit of Yule-mas be upon you. REMINDER: Bibleish will be on a brief hiatus this January to formulate, calculate, calibrate,and relaxerate. We'll see you in February for a new season with lots to announce! Contact: bibleishpodcast@gmail.comLike us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/bibleishpodcastFollow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/bibleishpodcastSupport the showSUPPORT THE SHOW ONPatreonInstagramFacebook

REPOST OCTOBER 15, 2018: Bill Frost (SLUGMag.com & X96 Radio From Hell), Tommy Milagro (a study hall near you) and special guest star Rebecca Frost (Big Shiny Robot) talk Harvey Birdman: Attorney General and 12 Oz. Mouse: Invictus, Veronica Mars' Hulu reboot, RIP Iron Fist, Daredevil: Season 3, fuck God Friended Me (again), nobody watched The Alec Baldwin Show, Fall TV 2018 Death Watch: I Feel Bad, DC TV app (Titans, Pennyworth), Arrow, Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors, Doctor Who, Haunting of Hill House, Big Mouth, The Conners: DOA?, The Rookie: WTF?, Rasslin' News, Creeped Out, A Star Is Born and What to Watch Harder (History of Horror, Arrow, Charmed, Mayans MC, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Z Nation, The Flash, The Gifted, The Good Place, Superstore, Riverdale, The Purge, Haunting of Hill House, Big Mouth, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, Loudermilk, American Vandal and Daredevil). Drinking: Sneaky Petes a.k.a. Lara Jones Incidents made with Underground Herbal Spirit from OFFICIAL TV Tan sponsor Ogden's Own Distillery.