Not Today, Thank You

In which I finally actually figure out a format for the Unread Book Club... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A post-festive catchup on stuff, and the launch of two new fun talking points. Also some music I've been doing lately and er. Well. There's no skirting round it. A Quick Chat - can we have a Quick Chat? - about Gregg Wallace... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! Never heard before* Dora Dale from 2007! Movie trailers courtesy of listener Pat! Music with a Very Slow Crescendo! Berlusconi's Art! Also, can we have a quick show of hands... Are you a Fast Eater or a Slow Eater? Email jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com xxx*Apart from about 60% of the jokes which were repurposed, and not for the first time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Srsly. The music. And definitely the jokes. What I WILL say, is that if you buy a bed, it should, like, actually function as a bed. You shouldn't have to go back and buy an extra bit, separately, without being told, without which the bed will not function as a bed. You don't go and buy a car, only to be told ohhh if you needed the chassis, that'll be an extra twenty quid. It feels like a shakedown. And another thing, ladies and gentlemen, what about them new ten pees?I made a video of the music part, which I'll put on my new musicky youtube at some point. If you want to stay in the loop on that, honk onto @jake.yapp.music on instabangs isn't it. Ok hugs x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

...And that's a PITY. So do tell. The new email address is jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com. I don't know why I'm typing that address all CRYPTIC, like. I'd welcome spam at this point. Oh! I meant to tell you on the podcast, I did a really lovely radio show with Bibi Lynch, in front of an audience. If you want to listen, it's the second half of this: https://www.totallyradio.com/shows/bibi-does-brighton/episodes/bibi-does-brighton-05-oct-23 Anyway. DO get in touch. Any requests? I need a brief. x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the last of the series, Molly Elwood joins me to share the love, with some of the best food I have ever tasted. I'll be on jackfm.co.uk 9am-12pm every weekday from the 19th December, and LIVE on BBC Radio 4 Extra every weekday evening in January, 7-10pm for Jake Yapp's Unwinding. Stay in touch, and have a good festive season xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some memories of one of the great innovators of radio comedy, Victor Lewis-Smith. Rest in peace, you brilliant bastard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That's all I'm saying. Chuck in all the firm veg you want - cabbage, carrot, maybe a little chilli, ginger, garlic, it's all optional - and add two per cent salt, by weight. At least. If you're nervous, go three per cent. And scrunch it in well and pack it tight into the jar. Leave it out of your fridge for a few days, depending on how warm your kitchen is, then move them to the fridge. And burp the jars. For god's sake. No-one needs cabbagey shrapnel. Anyway. We explored some mildly fraught stuff in the podcast today - that's on me - and I hope you're ok with it. Door's always open: nottoday@swanburst.com xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sort of blew it. Oh well. Helluva run, guys. Helluva run. I'd tell you I love you, but it feels a bit manipulative, you know? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did this episode not upload? It bloody didn't, did it? FFS. Well, there's no point crying about it now. Here it is. I'd say it's late, but we promised each other this'd be a no-strings thing, didn't we? I just feel very connected to you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

BIG NEWS TO SHARE unless you heard today's AudioFreqs podcast, in which case erm carry on. Also, Mic Wright - go read him at brokenbottleboy.substack.com xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lots of music today! Here's a link to the article on key changes: https://tedium.co/2022/11/09/the-death-of-the-key-change/ And erm yes, if you fancy being a philanthropist and hem hem benefactor of The Arts hem hem (listen to the ep first) the paypal address is nottoday@swanburst.com hem hem how vulgar I never discuss money etc. xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good Monday to you. In today's show: Amol Rajan knocks it out of the park. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Featuring a motivational speech and more business about K*vin the C*rrot. MUST DASH OK LOVE YOU Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! Hyper-local news, wonderful Champagne news (I really wasn't kidding when I said you literally cannot buy a pitchfork on Amazon) AND a new round of Celebrity Soup of the Day. I SWEAR to GOD I am going to make this game a cult hit. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! Whatever day that may be! Burglar alarms, retro Christmas tat, and putting things inside other things lol animals idk. Right. Off I go. HUGS xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! Mic Wright on Lord Lucan and AI bias. And some nice music. And bits and a rant about the Nanny State and such. Oh, I'll be doing some cooking in a bit on youtube.com/jakjeyapp if you fancy it. And have a rummage through Mic's magnificent back catalogue at brokenbottleboy.substack.com. Bon weekend! xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All over the shop this week. I thought it was Monday. What on earth. ANYWAY. I have a stirring clip of SIR Gavin Williamson you may not have heard, plus more on Melon Musk, Hot Greys, and why everything's better in Italian. HAPPY WEDNESDAY TO YOU ffs Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! The return of several old friends. Um a strongish word crops up pretty sharpish. Just FYI. And we look forward to the uncomplicated fun of the Qatar World Cup. Plus more Theme Park Ideas, Immersive Experiences, and your Favourite Celebrations. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mic Wright Returns! He's a bit sweary. Just a heads up. Also! We play a new game and it Sort Of Works! Plus cheap theme parks and political tyrant pet novelties xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

TODAY: More on the Blue Tick, Truss' legacy, the death of much-loathed technology and a NEW THEME PARK is opening and WOW, they spent nearly £200 on the movie franchise tie-in license! Back on Friday with Mic Wright, all being well x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

CRUMBSI thought I'd have a go for a bit. No pressure. Are you still here? It's nottoday@swanburst.com. How have you been? What have I missed? I'll be doing two or three of these a week between now and Christmas, if you're up for it...? xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Marking the day HRFH The Queen died. It might not be quite what you expect. Hope you're ok. xx Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

HELLO FRIEND. Thought I'd say hi, what with the world ending and all that. Thinking of you. Hope you're doing ok. Have you tried Audio Freqs yet? It is where the podcast party's at nowadays, with me and Davey, and buckets of hot audio slop for your delight and disgust. Anyway. Say hello on social media - I've been missing you xxx See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Oh HELLO THERE! Thought I'd update you with some of the stuff I've been getting up to since last we met. It includes some pretty new music, some seasonal Fanny Cradock, and a thoroughly-stuffed Jon Holmes. I'm off to finish my Jools Holland parody - a house-bound hootenanny for Radio 4 Extra on New Year's Eve BUT: I am hosting Comedy Club on Radio 4 Extra this week, starting tonight at 10pm. Come and listen! It's a GREAT WAY to floss. xxx See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Hello! This is an unscheduled announcement about the podcast...xxx See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mic Wright stops by and obligingly lets me do jokes about dogs saying sausages. His newsletter is at brokenbottleboy.substack.com. And it is the podcast's second birthday! Amazing. I assumed I'd be dead by now. On Wednesday, I'll be releasing all the 'music' from the series on Spotify, iTunes, YouTube and Google and stuff, free to stream. There's already last year's album on there, if you haven't checked it out, plus all the music from the TV show The Hurting. Go play! xx See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mic Wright takes a sideways look at the sillier side of the papers (I really hope he reads this, but he almost certainly won't) and Jon Holmes turns my bowels to ice. Thanks, Jon! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

COP26! Yeah! And Mic Wright with a particularly distressing illumination of Giles Coren's filthiest passage. You have been warned. Red his brilliant newsletter at brokenbottleboy.substack.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

LAUGHS GALORE as we discuss the appalling news of the week, and the appalling reaction to it in the press. Read Mic's (very funny) newsletter for free here: brokenbottleboy.substack.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The return of a popular feature. Also, Mic Wright on the Mr Men version of history deployed by Blitz-Spirit-Invoking columnists, and a charming essay on American Christmasses from a listener in the states. Don't forget to subscribe to Mic's free newsletter at brokenbottleboy.substack.com, also check out tinyurl.com/audiofreqs for our new cousin podcast, and BOOK TICKETS at www.meatcute.org. See you next week! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mic Wright talks about Keir Starmer's busy week. And pigs. And Jon Holmes talks about something, but tbh I've already blocked it out because it's just too frightening. Don't forget to check out the spin-off podcast: Audio Freqs! Me and Cousin Davey are still Doing Our Thing over there, and it's GREAT! Go and subscribe, will you? Thanks! xx See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mic Wright dissects the new Guardian supplement, Saturday, and Jon Holmes is VERY controversial for VERY coins. Subscribe to Mic's superb newsletter at brokenbottleboy.substack.com. Have a good week! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Featuring the vocal talents of Jake Yapp with Mic Wright (brokenbottleboy.substack.com), Jon Holmes, Paul Dunphy and Natt Tapley... And more! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

That was properly astonishing. Also, we have the final actual proper big announcement. OK WELL, JACOB. We waited LONG ENOUGH See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

An update of stuff I've been doing, that's out there, and that you can, you know. Check out. If you'd like. I'll stick the links here: https://jakeyapp.co.uk/links/ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mic Wright brings his trademark silliness and mayhem to the podcast. Read his brilliant, acerbic writings for free at brokenbottleboy.substack.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Another feast of bizarre found audio for your delight and mild nausea... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Another joyful celebration, with more 'You Won, Get Over It'. BIG ANNOUNCEMENT ON FRIDAY, MMKAY? xx See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It's Back to School time! So much fun and jollity everywhere. DO subscribe to Mic's brilliant newsletter at brokenbottleboy.substack.com - it's free! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Cousin Davey has more chicken-based audiotainment for your unmitigated delight. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In which I mumble stuff in a rather self-indulgent way about performing and why I suck at standup. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

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...but Cousin Davey is here to prove conclusively that NO THEY ARE NOT See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Bringing you NEWS of NEW THINGS, that being the NATURE OF NEWS... But stuff I have made that's coming out, and stuff I am about to make... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Hello from France! Check out Mic Wright's fabulous newsletter (it's free!) at brokenbottleboy.substack.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

More off-cuts of odd audio, including a member of the Ramones rapping. Ewch. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Wrapping up the inaugural live podcast. It all ends with the sound of people leaving quietly while I cry softly. It's a hoot. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

More live-recorded fun with Cousin Davey's audio esoterica, including an impossible patter song, and a spot of self-rick-rolling. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

More from the live recording at Yappfest 21 - including some improvised robot singing from the fifties. COME OFF IT See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mic Wright talks about journalists' self-regard, and Alexa has some ideas about Jon Holmes. I am uploading this two days late, from the queue for a ferry. I hadn't uploaded it, but managed to find a backup of the raw record online, which I downloaded onto my laptop. But the battery was nearly gone. I just had time to edit it and airdrop it to my ipad, but ipads and apple have an extremely condescending attitude to file types and I couldn't upload it. So I transferred it to kim's laptop, whence I am writing now. And we're about to get on the ferry. THANK GOD FOR MOBILE HOTSPOTS. Ok bye xoh and subscribe to Mic's newsletter! brokenbottleboy.substack.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.