American slang meaning "very" or "a lot"
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Three brave Toons embark on a dangerous mission. https://acheronstore.com/helluva-town-rpg/ https://www.patreon.com/bastardquest https://bastardquest.com/ https://linktr.ee/bastardquestpodcast https://www.norsefoundry.com/
Rachael and Ruth review Mission: Book Report, the latest Helluva Boss short, in a heatwave. What happens when Moxxie helps Stolas write a report for work?They also cover The Sheep Detectives, the heartwarming family murder mystery.Contains impressions, tangents and Thomas Jefferson's murder sheep.
Steve ran a little late to the show today and literally everything that could have slowed him, did.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
The Drive starts the hump day show with necessary 'Stros celebratin' folks! THAT was One HELLUVA Astros Win Last Night in DC! Imai, the Bats, the Bullpen-ALL OF IT! Complete ball game for Imai & the hometown squad; Also-the former COOG Quarterback, Andre Ware-Speaks on the GLARING Stroud Problem from last football season! AND-Our Guy Milner vs.. a 12 Year Old?! Ron's Young Son vs T-Mil LOL Madness!!
THAT was One HELLUVA Astros Win Last Night in DC! Imai, the Bats & Bullpen! full 530 Wed, 08 Jul 2026 23:44:22 +0000 MfYmdpsuRIMgkK4SFbGpuCjuMQ076rfi mlb,houston astros,washington nationals,astros,mlb news,joe espada,al west,astros news,espada,mlb news notes,astros news notes,tatsuya imai,imai,sports The Drive with Stoerner and Hughley mlb,houston astros,washington nationals,astros,mlb news,joe espada,al west,astros news,espada,mlb news notes,astros news notes,tatsuya imai,imai,sports THAT was One HELLUVA Astros Win Last Night in DC! Imai, the Bats & Bullpen! The Drive with Stoerner & Hughley delivers high-energy Houston sports talk built for H-Town fans who want insight with edge. Former NFL quarterback Clint Stoerner teams up with Ron “The Show” Hughley to break down everything that matters in Houston sports — from Texans training camp storylines and NFL playoff races to Astros postseason pushes and Rockets rebuild updates. A must-listen for Houston sports talk, the show blends locker-room perspective, strong opinions and authentic fan energy while covering SEC football, UH hoops, college sports across Texas and the biggest headlines shaping the NFL and MLB. For passionate, informed and locally-focused Houston sports analysis, The Drive with Stoerner & Hughley keeps fans connected to the teams and stories that define the city. © 2026 Audacy, Inc. Sports https://player.ampe
What On Earth will continue, but host Laura Lynch is moving on. For the last six years, Laura has brought you climate solutions stories, and before that she covered world events for decades, including the 9/11 attacks and the Arab Spring. Now, Laura is retiring (although she prefers to say heading off to new adventures). Today we celebrate her career through the stories she's covered and the people from all walks of life she's interviewed.
From plane crashes to shark attacks, this “I Almost Died” edition of Roz & Mocha's Helluva Story is packed with unbelievable close calls you won't forget. Hear from Michael Packard, who survived both a plane crash and being nearly swallowed by a whale, plus stories of a piercing gone horribly wrong, a fall off a cruise ship, getting tangled in live electrical wires, spiders under the skin, and even a near-deadly moment involving a spiked gate.
Some cuss words (02:00)Sports Reference (04:51)Gave him 35 (10:00)Malice in his heart (16:00)Failed as a family (22:30)I fear for my life (29:40)Helluva lawyer was needed (40:00)Dev will snitch (46:30)Scamming (51:30)Socials Twitter@THDLongviewWoo@Deshawn_903TikTok @Deshawn__903@LakeportWooWordpress@woonation.wordpress.comEmailTruthhitdifferent@gmail.Com
‘Sekend joins Target Talk to talk about the long road behind the music, from growing up as a pastor's son and singing in church to studying at Berklee and slowly stepping into his own identity as an artist. He reflects on what church gave him, how he first started taking singing seriously, and why creating a clear separation between Cedric Jackson II and ‘Sekend became important once the music started feeling fully his.We also get into the move to LA, how he landed with Kanye West's Sunday Service, and what that experience taught him about performance, preparation, and thinking bigger. Plus, ‘Sekend talks Helluva Night, the live show behind it, and why this next chapter feels like the right time to put even more of himself out front.Follow him: @worldofsekend
Hébergé par Ausha. Visitez ausha.co/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.
When Blitzo tries to make an IMP training video with the interns, things sure do happen!Rachael and Ruth wax lyrical about the twelfth short, which is quite possibly the best yet. They also discuss recent Hazbin sexuality disclosures and Tip Toe, Russell T Davies' new thriller. Contains impressions, excitement re: Stolas, and dyslexic solidarity.
Pepper, Dory and the crew go out for pizza. What could possibly go wrong? Another great episode, even if, as two people who have read the source material, we're not sure exactly where the show is going. Helluva ride so far, though. Hear our thoughts on episode 3!Watch the visual episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/oJUbYd9BScACheck out The Horror Vision on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thehorrorvision/Join our exclusive Facebook Horror Fan Community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/18LsUmWw5n/Check out our merch! https://the-horror-vision.creator-spring.com
Rachael and Ruth review Shark Boy Summer, the recent Helluva Boss music video about resident Chad Chaz.They discuss the controversy surrounding its release and various other oddments. Contains animal genitalia (don't ask).
We talk with Clark about his latest releases “Helluva a Heartbeat,” and “Pray For Rain” (hear that ON THIS EPISODE), the way heartbreak took him into music, and his rules for a song to pass the test! In some ways, Clark will acknowledge, things had come to him too easily. Growing up in northern Florida, on the land his grandparents once called home, he worked on the family farm, planting and harvesting corn, black-eyed peas, maybe some okra and tomato plants. In school he earned high grades almost without trying. Following the footsteps his dad had made as acollege football star, Clark played linebacker and then tight end on his high school team, always as a starter, never experiencing a losing season. Shortly before graduating he passed his exam as an EMT fireman; after earning his diploma, he went to work. One fateful day, at a moment of difficulty in his marriage, he went to have a wisdom tooth removed. First, the anesthesia wore off in the middle of surgery. Right after that, the dentist accidentally broke Clark's jaw. He went home, hoping to just weather the pain alone. By the way, it was his birthday too. Following growing media momentum across TV, radio, and digital platforms, including ABC's Local On 2, NBC's Today in Nashville, and The Grand Ole Opry's WSM Radio, Hill returns with “Pray For Rain,” arriving May 1st. It's a track that trades fireworks for something deeper. This is not the high-energy rush of “Helluva Heartbeat” or the rowdy swagger of his viral 2025 hit “OneBeer.” This is the moment after the noise fades, the rain clears, and the sun comes out. Its the vulnerability that most artists do not show. Be sure to check Clark out here: Website: Clarkhillmusic.com IG: clarkhillmusic FB: Clark Hill YouTube: Clarkhillmusic
In the third episode of Hell's Belles, Rachael discusses Millie Knolastname, Helluva's leading lady. What makes her awesome, and where will S3 take her?Contains lurgy, profanity, and wondering when the stupid horny owl will show up.
Unleashed: The Political News Hour with Susan Price – The currency of knowledge and truth has been ambushed long ago by rogue forces, fake news media outlets, and their minion parrots. Yes, indeed, this is one helluva spiritual battle! Expect the unexpected, because in the days, weeks, and months ahead, Americans and the world will bear witness to the...
Rachael and Ruth discuss what we've learned from LVLUP, then review Barbie's Bad Day, the latest Helluva short. What happens when Barbie loses her job after Unhappy Campers?Contains horrendous colds, Funky Town and Attenborough impressions.
We all know that hot people are used in marketing campaigns. We see it in the sale of everything from dog food to cars to cleaning services. Is this still ethical in the lifestyle? And what happens if that marketing goes just a little too far, into the territory of being straight-up dishonest? We discuss this, plus one HELLUVA dick show we went to... Book your free peptide consultation call today at https://revitaglowmeds.com Join us for Hotwife Palooza 2026! Info at https://members.frontporchswingers.com Get bonus episodes on video! https://patreon.com/frontporchswingers Try Kasidie FREE for a month! Click on the Kasidie banner at https://frontporchswingers.com
Reviews of the Week: DC Bizarro: Year None 1 by Eric Carrasco, Kevin Smith, Nick Pitarra, Michael Garland Mad About DC 1 by Chip and Friends Marvel Alien: King Killer 1 by Saladin Ahmed, Carlos Nieto, Mike Atiyeh Captain Marvel: Dark Past 1 by Paul Jenkins, Lucas Werneck, Rod Fernandes Daredevil 1 by Stephanie Phillips, Lee Garbett, Frank Martin Deadpool: April Pool's Day 1 by Gail Simone, C.F. Villa, Robert Gill, Ig Guara, Rachelle Rosenberg Eternals 50th Anniversary Special 1 by Ethan Parker, Griffin Sheridan, Phil Noto, Dale Eaglesham, Luis Guerrero Ralph Macchio, Michael Cho, Lee Loughridge Patrick Stump, Domenico Carbone, Java Tartaglia Marvel Rivals: Duel of Kings 1 by Wonder Man 1 by Gerry Duggan, Mark Buckingham, Aure Jimenez, Rachelle Rosenberg Marvel Unlimited Infinity Comics: Marvel Mutts 22 by MacKenzie Cadenhead, Enid Balam, Fernando Sifuentes Dark Horse Groo: The Prophecy 1 by Sergio Aragones, Mark Evanier, Carrie Strachan, Stan Sakai Magic the Gathering: Untold Stories – Jace 1 by Michael Conrad, Caitlin Yarsky, Alex Guimaraes Image G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – Sssilent Missions: Baroness 1 by Joelle Jones, Declan Shalvey, Mike Spicer Ghost Machine: The Official Guidebook – The Unnamed Kilroy is Here 1 by Joe Pruett, Dalibor Talajic, Stjepan Bartolic Royals 1 by Derek Kirk Kim, Jacob Perez OGN Countdown Pet Placement Society by Primo Gallanosa Undertaker Vol 1: The Gold Eater and Dance of the Vultures by Xavier Dodson, Ralph Meyer, Caroline Delabie How to Survive the End of the World by Katy Doughty Human Nature by Ari Handel, Jeff Welch, Darren Aronofsky, Martin Morazzo, Chris O'Halloran Paraspychologist by Mark Schey, Taki Soma, Cat Farris Inbetweens by Faith Erin Hicks Uri Tupka and the Gods: Another Story From Lands Unknown by Mike Mignola, Dave Stewart Mrs. Orwell by Andrea Chalupa, Brahm Revel Lavender Jack by Dan Schkade, Jenn Manley Lee TV Daredevil: Born Again s2 ep2/3 Helluva short Movies Super Mario Galaxy Additional Reviews: Daredevil: Cold Day in Hell Oddly Pedestrian Life of Christopher Chaos Library Edition Vol 1 White Lotus s1 News: Omninews, new Deadpool Kills by Cullen Bunn miniseries announced, Tini Howard on Jeopardy, Supergirl/Blade online story, Animorphs in development as a streaming series Trailers: Masters of the Universe, Supergirl, Cape Fear, Backrooms Comics Countdown (01 Apr 2026): Absolute Superman 18 by Jason Aaron, Rafa Sandoval, Ulises Arreola Sacrificers 20 by Rick Remender, Andre Lima Araujo, Dave McCaig Batman 8 by Matt Fraction, Ryan Sook, Tomeu Morey Mad About DC Adventures of Superman: The Book of El 7 by Phillip Kennedy Johnson, Scott Godlewski, Matt Herms, Alex Guimaraes Daredevil 1 by Stephanie Phillips, Lee Garbett, Frank Martin Royals 1 by Derek Kirk Kim, Jacob Perez Groo: The Prophecy 1 by Sergio Aragones, Mark Evanier, Carrie Strachan, Stan Sakai Speed Racer 7 by David Pepose, Davide Tinto, Jao Canola Minor Threats: Last Devil Left Alive 4 by Patton Oswalt, Jordan Blum, Scott Hepburn, Ian Herring
This episode features Sports Illustrated's John Pluym, Dave Bialke from Bialke Law, attorney Jeff O'Brien and psychic Ruth Lordan.
Haeley recently had literal brain surgery, and Tom is here to share how it all went and what's next in their pursuit of her health. Many thanks to everyone that sent messages of support or kept the Currys in your thoughts as Haeley tackled this part of her story. It means a lot to the family and everyone at Dear Old Dads! Join the Facebook Group! facebook.com/groups/dearolddads For comments, email thedads@dearolddads.com
Pizza comes from Italy right? According to one expert, it may come from somewhere else, but Anna's Italian father has some strong feelings about that theory!What “old person” thing do you do? Raven is a big fan of the “Next Door” app and his whole neighborhood has been laughing about one particular "old" post!It's Pick 'Em News! Anna lists three news stories that seem almost out of this world, and Raven can only pick and hear about one!When did you first like you had really “made it'? Raven discovered a new feature in his car that really made him feel like he had done something with his life!What is the craziest thing you've found in a Lost & Found bin? Anna was sent a picture of something in a Lost & Found bin that really hurt her feelings!What are the most needed appetizers to have at a wedding? Raven has a list that he believes is the best of the best.Barbara has a Helluva Story about a singing telegram and a goose! Do you have one of your own? If you want to be the storyteller and share your experience with Anna and Raven, go to AnnaAndRaven.com and click on Helluva Story!Lauren's father-in-law moved in with them last year after her mother-in-law passed away. She feels like she's replaced her MIL, every day she has to make him his morning coffee, prepare his lunch before she goes to work, make all his doctor's appointments- and she doesn't want to sound like she's a bad person, but he's 65, he should be doing these things on his own, she's his daughter in law, not his wife. Her husband, Alvand, says he doesn't know how to do these things on his own, he married his mom when he was 18, he doesn't know how to take care of himself, have some compassion and help him out. What do you think?Suzanne has a chance to win $8800! All she has to do is answer more pop culture questions than Raven in Can't Beat Raven!
President Trump has been on a social media tear, and we’re not sure which post is more concerning. First Trump has tripled down on Truth Social, writing that ICE agents will be taking over security at our nation’s airports starting Monday. He’s given Iran 48 hours to open the Strait of Hormuz, or else. And he put out a short and not so sweet post saying he was glad our nation’s second longest serving FBI director is dead.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
President Trump has been on a social media tear, and we’re not sure which post is more concerning. First Trump has tripled down on Truth Social, writing that ICE agents will be taking over security at our nation’s airports starting Monday. He’s given Iran 48 hours to open the Strait of Hormuz, or else. And he put out a short and not so sweet post saying he was glad our nation’s second longest serving FBI director is dead.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
President Trump has been on a social media tear, and we’re not sure which post is more concerning. First Trump has tripled down on Truth Social, writing that ICE agents will be taking over security at our nation’s airports starting Monday. He’s given Iran 48 hours to open the Strait of Hormuz, or else. And he put out a short and not so sweet post saying he was glad our nation’s second longest serving FBI director is dead.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
President Trump has been on a social media tear, and we’re not sure which post is more concerning. First Trump has tripled down on Truth Social, writing that ICE agents will be taking over security at our nation’s airports starting Monday. He’s given Iran 48 hours to open the Strait of Hormuz, or else. And he put out a short and not so sweet post saying he was glad our nation’s second longest serving FBI director is dead.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Every episode we get better at audio, thank you for patience!This Session contains profanity, satirical humor, and references to both drugs and probably sex.Support the show by rating us 5 stars and recommending us to a friend!Follow us on Instagram @goon.questIf you would like to submit a name for an NPC or provide a magic item suggestion, you can do so in a google form link in the Instagram bio!Don't have an Instagram, a direct link to the google form is here just for you.NPC & Magic item SuggestionDungeon Master is Jimmy MayPlato Zaltan is JoeyAdras is AlekBoravik Smokestone is SamuelVoralden Derrickson is Chris (James)Alosrin is JaydenCompanionsNovelleBookyJayden is LehsairIntro Music by Alexander NakaradaOutro music by Alexander NakaradaIntro Theme by Alexander NakaradaCover art by Numinezus_artMusic Included"Spacey Outro"And other assorted piecesby Alexander Nakarada (www.serpentsoundstudios.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: ByAttribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Additional SoundsMonument StudiosMonument Studios (@monumentstudios) on LinkmeOpening song "Spacey Outro" by Alexander Nakarada Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Maurie chats with the owner of a Florida coffee shop who says Canadians “don't deserve” his coffee and refuses to serve them, doubling down on the bizarre stance. One of the wildest Helluva Stories ever follows as a hardcore Hot Wheels collector explains how his obsession led him to strip clubs, massive overseas warehouses, and secret door‑knocking missions. The DM Deep Dive gets personal with who would accidentally join a cult, Roz's real thoughts on Ryan Reynolds, and the great wet‑or‑dry toothbrush debate. Plus, Johnny Depp School of Acting completely derails Forrest Gump, a superfan calls in ahead of knee surgery, and a listener revisits the infamous entitled AirPods girl.
An April Fools Prank Goes Awry.By SilverFoxMullet.Listen to the ►Podcast at Steamy Stories.Spring break was just that, a break. My leg, actually.When I went home to Ottawa for spring break, I met up with a few of my old high school buds, and we took a day trip to the Quebec side for some skiing at one of the nearby hills, north of Ottawa. Mid-gafternoon, I hit a patch of ice and went down hard. It was quite a day for falls, as the hills were pretty icy this late in the season. I tried to get up, but my right ankle hurt like a bitch. None of my friends had stopped, as we were all falling a lot today, they just assumed I would get up and follow them.“Aw fuck!” I groaned. I lay there in the snow for a few minutes, until someone slid to a stop next to me.“Hey, are you all right?” the guy asks.“No, I hurt my ankle. Fuck.”“Don’t move it, I’ll find the ski patrol. Hang on.” He skied away to get help.30 seconds later another guy stopped. Same question. "Hey are you all right?“"I think I sprained my ankle. There was a guy here a minute ago, he said he’d send the ski patrol.”The guy turned and looked around, then waved and yelled “Ici! Over here! Vien! Here they are.”Two guys in red jackets stopped and asked what’s wrong. This other guy said “Good luck!” to me, and skied away, as I recounted the fall and my symptoms. The ski patrol guys were great, they radioed for a stretcher and 20 minutes later they’re loading me into an ambulance. The rest of the day was a lot of waiting, x-rays, and paperwork. The local hospital had a seasonal trauma unit for all the ski injuries, and they’re used to dealing with the inter-provincial healthcare.I called my Dad, who said he’d fetch me from the hospital, then called my buddies who were still in the chalet . He told them to go home without me. They commiserated and said they’d drop by my house tomorrow and see how I was doing.I eventually got a cast on my right leg. It spanned from my toes to my mid-thigh. I was issued a pair of crutches, and a whole ream of instructions (in both French and English of course) about what to do and what not to do. My Dad showed up somewhere during this tedious process and reassured me everything would be fine.We got home really late, after stopping at a pharmacy for pain meds, and stopping for takeout, damn I was hungry by then. I was asleep in minutes after I took one of those pills after getting home.Next morning, I had to take another pill, damn leg was throbbing like mad. I had to learn how to negotiate using the toilet with crutches, fuck, that’s pain in the arse. Then I had to figure out how to shower. They gave me a shower bag for the cast but I couldn’t get the damn thing on by myself. Mom was trying to be motherly (naturally) but I was way too embarrassed to be seen naked in front of her. My Dad was a trooper, he helped me with all the bathroom stuff, and I got my shower Okay.I wasn’t going to be able to drive for a while, so my folks said they’d drive me back to school in Toronto. I could come home by bus and get my car once I was able to drive. Great.“Actually, if I could have my car on campus, one of my buddies could drive me around. None of the other guys have a car.” Not that my rattly old car was much of a ride, but it got us from A to B.“Okay” my Dad says, “Your mother can drive you there, and I’ll follow in your car, then we’ll drive back together.”“Awesome, sounds like a plan!”The rest of the day my parents helped me work out how to deal with the cast and crutches and take care of personal stuff by myself, like getting dressed, showering, shaving (yeah, ever try to balance on one foot to shave? fuckin hell), and using the toilet. My mom went shopping and bought me a bunch of baggy sweat pants, something that would go over my cast.My old friends dropped by with some hard coolers the next day, thinking it would cheer me up; but I had to pass on those due to the meds I was on. They laughed at me and drank it all, themselves. We all had a good laugh about my predicament, and they wished me luck at college. Gonna need it, eh?Then it was time to head back to school. I’d been texting and calling my buddies at school, told them the whole idiot story of my misadventures. They laughed at me big time, and of course they worried about their ride, what was gonna happen to my car? I told them about the arrangements and they were happy that it would still be available.The drive to school was really tedious, seemed to last forever, because it was so fricking uncomfortable to sit there with that stiff cast on. They got me and my stuff into my room in the dorm, and said their good-byes. I was so happy that I was on the first floor! No stairs here but there were stairs all over campus. Sure, there’s elevators everywhere but I didn’t know where most of them were.First order of business, I gotta pee after that road trip. I used the big accessible stall in the bathroom, that was great. Grab bars, lots of room, it really was made for this kind of thing. Easier than the bathroom at home, that’s for sure.I was the butt of a lot of jokes and shit for the first few days, but otherwise it was fine. Down in the dining hall I spotted someone else who’d had a fun spring break. There was a girl with her whole arm in a cast, like from shoulder to wrist, with the elbow bent at 90 degrees. I wondered what happened to her. Skiing too I supposed. My buddies said we’d make a great couple and told me to go ask her out. No way, dudes, not gonna happen. I can’t talk to girls, I always get freaked out and clam up.The end of March rolled around, and I still had weeks to go before getting my cast off. There was a party on Saturday night, and I was weaning off the strong meds by now so I could have a few drinks. My floor mates were getting me drinks, too; so I ended up having a few more than I would normally have. I was feeling buzzed by the end of the night.One of the guys suddenly showed up with a wheelchair. "Robbo! we got you some wheels, man!“"Where’d you steal that from?” I asked, a little dubious about the idea of them scamming someone’s chair.“No-No, totally not stolen, we got it for you from the Red Cross. It’s legit, dude!”“All right! Let’s check out my new ride then!” I hopped over and settled into the chair. They adjusted the footrest out for me and one of them took my crutches, and they started wheeling me away. "Where we goin?“ I asked."It’s a surprise.” says one of them, and then pull a pillowcase down over my head so I can’t see where we’re going. When I try to pull the covering off, they stopped me, and then the started grabbing my arms & duct taping them to the chair’s armrests. We were outside by now, and I started yelling, until they taped the pillowcase tight against my mouth, to muff my yelling. Now I was getting pissed, but there’s not much I could do, except literally ride this out.They laughed and giggled and make goofy jokes as they wheeled me around campus. Eventually, I had no idea where I am, and it suddenly strikes me that it was now April 1st. The alcoholic buzz is wearing off fast under the rush of my adrenaline and anger, and I wondered what kind of demented nightmare game they’ve come up with.I heard more laughing, girls this time, and they make whispered comments back and forth with the guys. I m now in a building, but I had no clue where. My chair was pushed around some more, bumping into stuff, and then a body is dumped in my lap, then they yanked the duct tape off the pillowcase and I can again my mouth. The room is pitch black. The giggling and laughing is cut off by the slamming of a door, and everything goes quiet.I think there’s a girl in my lap, or a small, really nice smelling guy with long hair. She’s quiescent, asleep or passed out, pressed against my chest.“Hey. Hey, wake up.” I said.No response, she’s just sitting there, draped over my lap. She’s warm and breathing, so it’s not a manikin or something. I wondered if she’s okay.I started to shift a bit, can’t use my arms because they’re taped down, but I try to shake her awake with my rocking shoulders. It didn’t work, and now I’m afraid that if I move too much she’ll fall off onto the floor.“Hey, uh, miss, wake up.” louder. She’s out of it. I turn my head to the side so I’m not yelling in her ear and holler “Hey, enough crap, let me out of here!” Silence reigns. Well, fuck. Now what?‘Now what’. Then the fire alarm starts blaring. It startles the heck out of me, but still isn’t enough to wake the girl. I heard loud commotion in the halls for about 30 seconds, but then suddenly there is silence. Fuck, this is getting serious. What if it’s a real fire? No, no way, it's April 1st now, gotta be a prank. I’ll just wait for her to wake up, and we’ll get out of here. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I began to see faint outlines of what is probably a maintenance closet or storage room.The alarm rings for an annoyingly long time. 15 minutes I guess, I dunno, but it seems interminable. And I need to pee now. When the alarm finally stops the need to pee gets more insistent. I shifted uncomfortably under the weight of my passenger. Her hip is pressed up against my groin, adding to the struggle of my urge to piss.More time passes, and damn, I gotta go bad, now. I’m gonna wet myself, and her too, if I don’t get out of here right now. I’ve tried speaking to her, yelling, shaking her, and then there was another alarm that went on and on. She just isn’t gonna wake up. Did those morons drug her or something?I’m desperate now. “Come on, sleeping beauty, wake up!” Sleeping beauty? Yeah, fine, I’ll try that before I piss all over her. I think a girl would be slightly less angry about a stolen kiss than wet pants. So I seek her mouth. There was a little light coming in under the door, but suddenly that light went out, and only a faint intermittent light glowed. Oh, crap! That would be the emergency exit lighting. I eventually bumped my faced against her nose, then lowered a bit and kissed her, probably a little too hard for a wakeup smooch, cause I'm dying’ here, gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee.She’s got nice soft lips, really quite kissable, and I kinda wished she was awake and under different circumstances. I kissed her again, even harder. No response. I try again, this time I let my tongue do the talking, and I push into her mouth. Helluva way to experience my own first tongue-kiss . Finally, she stirred & turned into the kiss.Surprised, I pull back, and say “Oh thank god you’re awake, help me up!”She startled, yelping at me, “Who are you?!”“Help me, please, I’m gonna piss my pants! Untie me!”In the dim red glow of an exit sign I finally saw her face. She’s kinda cute, not particularly pretty, and she has a cast on her right arm. It’s the girl I saw in the dining hall a few times.“Hurry!" I pleaded.She struggled off me, and stood. Where the hell did you take me! she demanded.I told her that we were both abducted by campus hooligans and locked in some storage room, but I didn t know which building. Then I said; But I gotta pee right now and my leg is in a cast, and I m bound to this wheelchair.She felt the tape on my wrists. It's slow going for her to undo the tape with her one weak hand, the way she’s pulling at it, she’s obviously not left handed.I’m not gonna make it, and I looked around. We’re in a janitor’s room or something. I spotted a stack of small waste baskets. "Quick, grab one of those buckets and put it between my legs.”She’s quick on the uptake, I’ll give her that, and she grabbed the bucket for me. “Pull my pants down, hurry.”“What? No!” she protested.“Argh. Please, I’m gonna wet myself.” I grind out through my clenched teeth.She reached out with that uncoordinated left hand of hers and fumbles with my sweat pants. I squirmed to lift my hips a bit to help, and the elastic waistband slipped down, exposing my tight briefs.“You gotta help. Pull me out, aim for the bucket. Please?”I can see she’s not happy with the situation, and she’s fighting with her distaste at touching a man, a total stranger at that, in such a bizarre circumstance. But she perseveres, and that delicate hand fishes in my shorts for my cock. She paused momentarily as she made contact, then pulled my cock free. She picked up the empty bucket and aimed my hose toward the container.I groaned as I let loose. Oh god, finally! The relief was incredible. The poor girl was acting shocked as she dutifully aimed me at the bucket, and she even nudged the bucket a bit closer. I pissed on and on, holy fuck there was so much, and eventually I ran dry.Her disposition is no longer shocked, but instead she appeared to be curious.“Oh thank you, you saved me so much embarrassment. You can put me back in there now. Thanks.”She hesitated, and timidly tried to one-handedly stuff my cock back through the fly, and after a couple of clumsy tries I’m all set. And of course now my cock was growing fast in her hand, as I no longer had to pee, but there’s a wonderful-smelling girl handling that most sensitive part of my anatomy. Something that’s never happened before.That last drop of pee evidently got on her hand, and she looked a bit frantic now, “Ew” she says.“Just wipe it on my sweats, it’s Okay.” I told her, and she rubbed her hand on my inner thigh. That doesn’t help with my ever increasing boner of course.She looked up at me, and her brow wrinkled. “Do you smell smoke?” she asked.It’s my turn to be startled, and I looked toward the door. Oh Fuck, there’s smoke coming in under the door! That alarm was real! Why wasn’t it still going off? “Quick, help me get this tape off!” She started trying to pull up my sweats, but I say “No, leave that, just get me undone!”She started working on the tape on my left arm, and it took a few minutes to get me free. Working together, my right arm is unstuck in less than a minute. “Check the door.” I told her as I looked around the room. No other doors, just shelves, a big sink, a floor pan for filling and emptying mop buckets, and stacks of boxes and stuff.She tried the light switch but it doesn’t work. Great, my idiot friends probably unscrewed the light bulb. Then she tried the door. “It’s locked!” she says.“From the outside? Why the fuck would it be set up to lock people in? Sorry. I swear when I get nervous.”“Is there really a fire, do you think?”“I guess so, there was an alarm that went off when you were out cold.”“What do we do?” She started frantically searching her pockets and said; “I can’t find my phone!”“I didn’t even bring mine to the party. No pockets.”The smell of smoke got stronger. I wheeled up next to the sink, and ran some water. Grabbing a package of paper towels, I ripped it open and dumped them in the sink. “Here, block up the crack under the door with these!”I handed her wads of soggy paper, and she knelt down to stuff them under the door. The smoke stoped coming in, thank goodness. But now the room is black. “Now what?” she said.I shrugged, “I guess we wait and hope.”“I’m scared.” she said in a small voice.“Come here, sit on my lap here. Oh, uh, maybe pull up my pants first.” She helped me with that and sat on me. I think the gravity of the situation is now hitting her pretty hard, I know it’s got me freaked out. She burrowed into my neck and wraps her good arm wraps around me. “We’re Okay for now.” I tell her.I smelled her hair again, as she’s crushed against me. Damn that feels nice. Shit, I don’t even know her name. “I’m Robert by the way. Robert Green.”“Suzanne. Suzanne Shelton.”, she informed me.“I’d say pleased to meet you Suzanne, but under these circumstances, maybe the sentiment should be I’m ecstatic to meet you. If I was by myself I would have pissed my pants and suffocated.”She giggled, my goofy sense of humor somehow helped in this situation. “I’m glad to meet you too, Robert.”“So how did you get here?”“I don’t know, I was at the dorm party and felt dizzy, then you were kissing me.” She blushed again.“Sorry about that, I tried to wake you for like 20 minutes, but you were really out of it. I finally thought I would try the sleeping beauty trick, and it worked. Did you drink something someone else gave you?”“Oh. Shit. She seemed to recall. I think so. One of my floor mates gave me a coke. It must have been spiked? I had to take some of my pain meds for my arm earlier tonight, it was bothering me. I keep trying to do too much with it all the time.”“Oh, yeah, you don’t want to mix booze or anything with that stuff, I know! Sorry about the pee episode. I really was going to wet my pants in another few seconds. Wet both our pants.”She blushed and giggled. “I never saw a guy like that, like your, thing, before.”“Wow. Okay, well, I never had a girl touch my co-, um, thing, before.”“It changed when I was putting it away. Was that, um, like…’"Yeah, well, when a pretty girl touches me like that, I’m bound to get aroused.”Her eyes went wide at that statement. “Oh” she said. She paused a few seconds, then put her head back on my shoulder. There was that scent again. "So. Um, you think I’m pretty?“"Well, yeah, of course. You’re what I think my grandpa would call 'fetching’”She giggled again. Damn, that sounds nice, and she smells really nice. Little Robert stirred down below. I heard a sharp intake of breath. Uh Oh. She felt that. I may have just ruined what might have been a moment.“Am I pretty enough to make you, uh, aroused, then?”“Oh, Suzanne, I am so embarrassed. Please, don’t be offended, it’s just circumstances, you know?”She pulled back again and looked at the door. Still no smoke. Then she looked at me with a sad smile, saying “I didn’t think so.” Suzanne started to get up, and I realized where our wires had crossed.I put my arms around her and said " Oh, no no. You’re very pretty, and definitely arousing.“She looked surprised, but settled back down on my lap. "Oh.” she said. “Thank you.”Just
An April Fools Prank Goes Awry.By SilverFoxMullet.Listen to the ►Podcast at Steamy Stories.Spring break was just that, a break. My leg, actually.When I went home to Ottawa for spring break, I met up with a few of my old high school buds, and we took a day trip to the Quebec side for some skiing at one of the nearby hills, north of Ottawa. Mid-gafternoon, I hit a patch of ice and went down hard. It was quite a day for falls, as the hills were pretty icy this late in the season. I tried to get up, but my right ankle hurt like a bitch. None of my friends had stopped, as we were all falling a lot today, they just assumed I would get up and follow them.“Aw fuck!” I groaned. I lay there in the snow for a few minutes, until someone slid to a stop next to me.“Hey, are you all right?” the guy asks.“No, I hurt my ankle. Fuck.”“Don’t move it, I’ll find the ski patrol. Hang on.” He skied away to get help.30 seconds later another guy stopped. Same question. "Hey are you all right?“"I think I sprained my ankle. There was a guy here a minute ago, he said he’d send the ski patrol.”The guy turned and looked around, then waved and yelled “Ici! Over here! Vien! Here they are.”Two guys in red jackets stopped and asked what’s wrong. This other guy said “Good luck!” to me, and skied away, as I recounted the fall and my symptoms. The ski patrol guys were great, they radioed for a stretcher and 20 minutes later they’re loading me into an ambulance. The rest of the day was a lot of waiting, x-rays, and paperwork. The local hospital had a seasonal trauma unit for all the ski injuries, and they’re used to dealing with the inter-provincial healthcare.I called my Dad, who said he’d fetch me from the hospital, then called my buddies who were still in the chalet . He told them to go home without me. They commiserated and said they’d drop by my house tomorrow and see how I was doing.I eventually got a cast on my right leg. It spanned from my toes to my mid-thigh. I was issued a pair of crutches, and a whole ream of instructions (in both French and English of course) about what to do and what not to do. My Dad showed up somewhere during this tedious process and reassured me everything would be fine.We got home really late, after stopping at a pharmacy for pain meds, and stopping for takeout, damn I was hungry by then. I was asleep in minutes after I took one of those pills after getting home.Next morning, I had to take another pill, damn leg was throbbing like mad. I had to learn how to negotiate using the toilet with crutches, fuck, that’s pain in the arse. Then I had to figure out how to shower. They gave me a shower bag for the cast but I couldn’t get the damn thing on by myself. Mom was trying to be motherly (naturally) but I was way too embarrassed to be seen naked in front of her. My Dad was a trooper, he helped me with all the bathroom stuff, and I got my shower Okay.I wasn’t going to be able to drive for a while, so my folks said they’d drive me back to school in Toronto. I could come home by bus and get my car once I was able to drive. Great.“Actually, if I could have my car on campus, one of my buddies could drive me around. None of the other guys have a car.” Not that my rattly old car was much of a ride, but it got us from A to B.“Okay” my Dad says, “Your mother can drive you there, and I’ll follow in your car, then we’ll drive back together.”“Awesome, sounds like a plan!”The rest of the day my parents helped me work out how to deal with the cast and crutches and take care of personal stuff by myself, like getting dressed, showering, shaving (yeah, ever try to balance on one foot to shave? fuckin hell), and using the toilet. My mom went shopping and bought me a bunch of baggy sweat pants, something that would go over my cast.My old friends dropped by with some hard coolers the next day, thinking it would cheer me up; but I had to pass on those due to the meds I was on. They laughed at me and drank it all, themselves. We all had a good laugh about my predicament, and they wished me luck at college. Gonna need it, eh?Then it was time to head back to school. I’d been texting and calling my buddies at school, told them the whole idiot story of my misadventures. They laughed at me big time, and of course they worried about their ride, what was gonna happen to my car? I told them about the arrangements and they were happy that it would still be available.The drive to school was really tedious, seemed to last forever, because it was so fricking uncomfortable to sit there with that stiff cast on. They got me and my stuff into my room in the dorm, and said their good-byes. I was so happy that I was on the first floor! No stairs here but there were stairs all over campus. Sure, there’s elevators everywhere but I didn’t know where most of them were.First order of business, I gotta pee after that road trip. I used the big accessible stall in the bathroom, that was great. Grab bars, lots of room, it really was made for this kind of thing. Easier than the bathroom at home, that’s for sure.I was the butt of a lot of jokes and shit for the first few days, but otherwise it was fine. Down in the dining hall I spotted someone else who’d had a fun spring break. There was a girl with her whole arm in a cast, like from shoulder to wrist, with the elbow bent at 90 degrees. I wondered what happened to her. Skiing too I supposed. My buddies said we’d make a great couple and told me to go ask her out. No way, dudes, not gonna happen. I can’t talk to girls, I always get freaked out and clam up.The end of March rolled around, and I still had weeks to go before getting my cast off. There was a party on Saturday night, and I was weaning off the strong meds by now so I could have a few drinks. My floor mates were getting me drinks, too; so I ended up having a few more than I would normally have. I was feeling buzzed by the end of the night.One of the guys suddenly showed up with a wheelchair. "Robbo! we got you some wheels, man!“"Where’d you steal that from?” I asked, a little dubious about the idea of them scamming someone’s chair.“No-No, totally not stolen, we got it for you from the Red Cross. It’s legit, dude!”“All right! Let’s check out my new ride then!” I hopped over and settled into the chair. They adjusted the footrest out for me and one of them took my crutches, and they started wheeling me away. "Where we goin?“ I asked."It’s a surprise.” says one of them, and then pull a pillowcase down over my head so I can’t see where we’re going. When I try to pull the covering off, they stopped me, and then the started grabbing my arms & duct taping them to the chair’s armrests. We were outside by now, and I started yelling, until they taped the pillowcase tight against my mouth, to muff my yelling. Now I was getting pissed, but there’s not much I could do, except literally ride this out.They laughed and giggled and make goofy jokes as they wheeled me around campus. Eventually, I had no idea where I am, and it suddenly strikes me that it was now April 1st. The alcoholic buzz is wearing off fast under the rush of my adrenaline and anger, and I wondered what kind of demented nightmare game they’ve come up with.I heard more laughing, girls this time, and they make whispered comments back and forth with the guys. I m now in a building, but I had no clue where. My chair was pushed around some more, bumping into stuff, and then a body is dumped in my lap, then they yanked the duct tape off the pillowcase and I can again my mouth. The room is pitch black. The giggling and laughing is cut off by the slamming of a door, and everything goes quiet.I think there’s a girl in my lap, or a small, really nice smelling guy with long hair. She’s quiescent, asleep or passed out, pressed against my chest.“Hey. Hey, wake up.” I said.No response, she’s just sitting there, draped over my lap. She’s warm and breathing, so it’s not a manikin or something. I wondered if she’s okay.I started to shift a bit, can’t use my arms because they’re taped down, but I try to shake her awake with my rocking shoulders. It didn’t work, and now I’m afraid that if I move too much she’ll fall off onto the floor.“Hey, uh, miss, wake up.” louder. She’s out of it. I turn my head to the side so I’m not yelling in her ear and holler “Hey, enough crap, let me out of here!” Silence reigns. Well, fuck. Now what?‘Now what’. Then the fire alarm starts blaring. It startles the heck out of me, but still isn’t enough to wake the girl. I heard loud commotion in the halls for about 30 seconds, but then suddenly there is silence. Fuck, this is getting serious. What if it’s a real fire? No, no way, it's April 1st now, gotta be a prank. I’ll just wait for her to wake up, and we’ll get out of here. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I began to see faint outlines of what is probably a maintenance closet or storage room.The alarm rings for an annoyingly long time. 15 minutes I guess, I dunno, but it seems interminable. And I need to pee now. When the alarm finally stops the need to pee gets more insistent. I shifted uncomfortably under the weight of my passenger. Her hip is pressed up against my groin, adding to the struggle of my urge to piss.More time passes, and damn, I gotta go bad, now. I’m gonna wet myself, and her too, if I don’t get out of here right now. I’ve tried speaking to her, yelling, shaking her, and then there was another alarm that went on and on. She just isn’t gonna wake up. Did those morons drug her or something?I’m desperate now. “Come on, sleeping beauty, wake up!” Sleeping beauty? Yeah, fine, I’ll try that before I piss all over her. I think a girl would be slightly less angry about a stolen kiss than wet pants. So I seek her mouth. There was a little light coming in under the door, but suddenly that light went out, and only a faint intermittent light glowed. Oh, crap! That would be the emergency exit lighting. I eventually bumped my faced against her nose, then lowered a bit and kissed her, probably a little too hard for a wakeup smooch, cause I'm dying’ here, gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee.She’s got nice soft lips, really quite kissable, and I kinda wished she was awake and under different circumstances. I kissed her again, even harder. No response. I try again, this time I let my tongue do the talking, and I push into her mouth. Helluva way to experience my own first tongue-kiss . Finally, she stirred & turned into the kiss.Surprised, I pull back, and say “Oh thank god you’re awake, help me up!”She startled, yelping at me, “Who are you?!”“Help me, please, I’m gonna piss my pants! Untie me!”In the dim red glow of an exit sign I finally saw her face. She’s kinda cute, not particularly pretty, and she has a cast on her right arm. It’s the girl I saw in the dining hall a few times.“Hurry!" I pleaded.She struggled off me, and stood. Where the hell did you take me! she demanded.I told her that we were both abducted by campus hooligans and locked in some storage room, but I didn t know which building. Then I said; But I gotta pee right now and my leg is in a cast, and I m bound to this wheelchair.She felt the tape on my wrists. It's slow going for her to undo the tape with her one weak hand, the way she’s pulling at it, she’s obviously not left handed.I’m not gonna make it, and I looked around. We’re in a janitor’s room or something. I spotted a stack of small waste baskets. "Quick, grab one of those buckets and put it between my legs.”She’s quick on the uptake, I’ll give her that, and she grabbed the bucket for me. “Pull my pants down, hurry.”“What? No!” she protested.“Argh. Please, I’m gonna wet myself.” I grind out through my clenched teeth.She reached out with that uncoordinated left hand of hers and fumbles with my sweat pants. I squirmed to lift my hips a bit to help, and the elastic waistband slipped down, exposing my tight briefs.“You gotta help. Pull me out, aim for the bucket. Please?”I can see she’s not happy with the situation, and she’s fighting with her distaste at touching a man, a total stranger at that, in such a bizarre circumstance. But she perseveres, and that delicate hand fishes in my shorts for my cock. She paused momentarily as she made contact, then pulled my cock free. She picked up the empty bucket and aimed my hose toward the container.I groaned as I let loose. Oh god, finally! The relief was incredible. The poor girl was acting shocked as she dutifully aimed me at the bucket, and she even nudged the bucket a bit closer. I pissed on and on, holy fuck there was so much, and eventually I ran dry.Her disposition is no longer shocked, but instead she appeared to be curious.“Oh thank you, you saved me so much embarrassment. You can put me back in there now. Thanks.”She hesitated, and timidly tried to one-handedly stuff my cock back through the fly, and after a couple of clumsy tries I’m all set. And of course now my cock was growing fast in her hand, as I no longer had to pee, but there’s a wonderful-smelling girl handling that most sensitive part of my anatomy. Something that’s never happened before.That last drop of pee evidently got on her hand, and she looked a bit frantic now, “Ew” she says.“Just wipe it on my sweats, it’s Okay.” I told her, and she rubbed her hand on my inner thigh. That doesn’t help with my ever increasing boner of course.She looked up at me, and her brow wrinkled. “Do you smell smoke?” she asked.It’s my turn to be startled, and I looked toward the door. Oh Fuck, there’s smoke coming in under the door! That alarm was real! Why wasn’t it still going off? “Quick, help me get this tape off!” She started trying to pull up my sweats, but I say “No, leave that, just get me undone!”She started working on the tape on my left arm, and it took a few minutes to get me free. Working together, my right arm is unstuck in less than a minute. “Check the door.” I told her as I looked around the room. No other doors, just shelves, a big sink, a floor pan for filling and emptying mop buckets, and stacks of boxes and stuff.She tried the light switch but it doesn’t work. Great, my idiot friends probably unscrewed the light bulb. Then she tried the door. “It’s locked!” she says.“From the outside? Why the fuck would it be set up to lock people in? Sorry. I swear when I get nervous.”“Is there really a fire, do you think?”“I guess so, there was an alarm that went off when you were out cold.”“What do we do?” She started frantically searching her pockets and said; “I can’t find my phone!”“I didn’t even bring mine to the party. No pockets.”The smell of smoke got stronger. I wheeled up next to the sink, and ran some water. Grabbing a package of paper towels, I ripped it open and dumped them in the sink. “Here, block up the crack under the door with these!”I handed her wads of soggy paper, and she knelt down to stuff them under the door. The smoke stoped coming in, thank goodness. But now the room is black. “Now what?” she said.I shrugged, “I guess we wait and hope.”“I’m scared.” she said in a small voice.“Come here, sit on my lap here. Oh, uh, maybe pull up my pants first.” She helped me with that and sat on me. I think the gravity of the situation is now hitting her pretty hard, I know it’s got me freaked out. She burrowed into my neck and wraps her good arm wraps around me. “We’re Okay for now.” I tell her.I smelled her hair again, as she’s crushed against me. Damn that feels nice. Shit, I don’t even know her name. “I’m Robert by the way. Robert Green.”“Suzanne. Suzanne Shelton.”, she informed me.“I’d say pleased to meet you Suzanne, but under these circumstances, maybe the sentiment should be I’m ecstatic to meet you. If I was by myself I would have pissed my pants and suffocated.”She giggled, my goofy sense of humor somehow helped in this situation. “I’m glad to meet you too, Robert.”“So how did you get here?”“I don’t know, I was at the dorm party and felt dizzy, then you were kissing me.” She blushed again.“Sorry about that, I tried to wake you for like 20 minutes, but you were really out of it. I finally thought I would try the sleeping beauty trick, and it worked. Did you drink something someone else gave you?”“Oh. Shit. She seemed to recall. I think so. One of my floor mates gave me a coke. It must have been spiked? I had to take some of my pain meds for my arm earlier tonight, it was bothering me. I keep trying to do too much with it all the time.”“Oh, yeah, you don’t want to mix booze or anything with that stuff, I know! Sorry about the pee episode. I really was going to wet my pants in another few seconds. Wet both our pants.”She blushed and giggled. “I never saw a guy like that, like your, thing, before.”“Wow. Okay, well, I never had a girl touch my co-, um, thing, before.”“It changed when I was putting it away. Was that, um, like…’"Yeah, well, when a pretty girl touches me like that, I’m bound to get aroused.”Her eyes went wide at that statement. “Oh” she said. She paused a few seconds, then put her head back on my shoulder. There was that scent again. "So. Um, you think I’m pretty?“"Well, yeah, of course. You’re what I think my grandpa would call 'fetching’”She giggled again. Damn, that sounds nice, and she smells really nice. Little Robert stirred down below. I heard a sharp intake of breath. Uh Oh. She felt that. I may have just ruined what might have been a moment.“Am I pretty enough to make you, uh, aroused, then?”“Oh, Suzanne, I am so embarrassed. Please, don’t be offended, it’s just circumstances, you know?”She pulled back again and looked at the door. Still no smoke. Then she looked at me with a sad smile, saying “I didn’t think so.” Suzanne started to get up, and I realized where our wires had crossed.I put my arms around her and said " Oh, no no. You’re very pretty, and definitely arousing.“She looked surprised, but settled back down on my lap. "Oh.” she said. “Thank you.”Just
An April Fools Prank Goes Awry.By SilverFoxMullet.Listen to the ►Podcast at Steamy Stories.Spring break was just that, a break. My leg, actually.When I went home to Ottawa for spring break, I met up with a few of my old high school buds, and we took a day trip to the Quebec side for some skiing at one of the nearby hills, north of Ottawa. Mid-gafternoon, I hit a patch of ice and went down hard. It was quite a day for falls, as the hills were pretty icy this late in the season. I tried to get up, but my right ankle hurt like a bitch. None of my friends had stopped, as we were all falling a lot today, they just assumed I would get up and follow them.“Aw fuck!” I groaned. I lay there in the snow for a few minutes, until someone slid to a stop next to me.“Hey, are you all right?” the guy asks.“No, I hurt my ankle. Fuck.”“Don’t move it, I’ll find the ski patrol. Hang on.” He skied away to get help.30 seconds later another guy stopped. Same question. "Hey are you all right?“"I think I sprained my ankle. There was a guy here a minute ago, he said he’d send the ski patrol.”The guy turned and looked around, then waved and yelled “Ici! Over here! Vien! Here they are.”Two guys in red jackets stopped and asked what’s wrong. This other guy said “Good luck!” to me, and skied away, as I recounted the fall and my symptoms. The ski patrol guys were great, they radioed for a stretcher and 20 minutes later they’re loading me into an ambulance. The rest of the day was a lot of waiting, x-rays, and paperwork. The local hospital had a seasonal trauma unit for all the ski injuries, and they’re used to dealing with the inter-provincial healthcare.I called my Dad, who said he’d fetch me from the hospital, then called my buddies who were still in the chalet . He told them to go home without me. They commiserated and said they’d drop by my house tomorrow and see how I was doing.I eventually got a cast on my right leg. It spanned from my toes to my mid-thigh. I was issued a pair of crutches, and a whole ream of instructions (in both French and English of course) about what to do and what not to do. My Dad showed up somewhere during this tedious process and reassured me everything would be fine.We got home really late, after stopping at a pharmacy for pain meds, and stopping for takeout, damn I was hungry by then. I was asleep in minutes after I took one of those pills after getting home.Next morning, I had to take another pill, damn leg was throbbing like mad. I had to learn how to negotiate using the toilet with crutches, fuck, that’s pain in the arse. Then I had to figure out how to shower. They gave me a shower bag for the cast but I couldn’t get the damn thing on by myself. Mom was trying to be motherly (naturally) but I was way too embarrassed to be seen naked in front of her. My Dad was a trooper, he helped me with all the bathroom stuff, and I got my shower Okay.I wasn’t going to be able to drive for a while, so my folks said they’d drive me back to school in Toronto. I could come home by bus and get my car once I was able to drive. Great.“Actually, if I could have my car on campus, one of my buddies could drive me around. None of the other guys have a car.” Not that my rattly old car was much of a ride, but it got us from A to B.“Okay” my Dad says, “Your mother can drive you there, and I’ll follow in your car, then we’ll drive back together.”“Awesome, sounds like a plan!”The rest of the day my parents helped me work out how to deal with the cast and crutches and take care of personal stuff by myself, like getting dressed, showering, shaving (yeah, ever try to balance on one foot to shave? fuckin hell), and using the toilet. My mom went shopping and bought me a bunch of baggy sweat pants, something that would go over my cast.My old friends dropped by with some hard coolers the next day, thinking it would cheer me up; but I had to pass on those due to the meds I was on. They laughed at me and drank it all, themselves. We all had a good laugh about my predicament, and they wished me luck at college. Gonna need it, eh?Then it was time to head back to school. I’d been texting and calling my buddies at school, told them the whole idiot story of my misadventures. They laughed at me big time, and of course they worried about their ride, what was gonna happen to my car? I told them about the arrangements and they were happy that it would still be available.The drive to school was really tedious, seemed to last forever, because it was so fricking uncomfortable to sit there with that stiff cast on. They got me and my stuff into my room in the dorm, and said their good-byes. I was so happy that I was on the first floor! No stairs here but there were stairs all over campus. Sure, there’s elevators everywhere but I didn’t know where most of them were.First order of business, I gotta pee after that road trip. I used the big accessible stall in the bathroom, that was great. Grab bars, lots of room, it really was made for this kind of thing. Easier than the bathroom at home, that’s for sure.I was the butt of a lot of jokes and shit for the first few days, but otherwise it was fine. Down in the dining hall I spotted someone else who’d had a fun spring break. There was a girl with her whole arm in a cast, like from shoulder to wrist, with the elbow bent at 90 degrees. I wondered what happened to her. Skiing too I supposed. My buddies said we’d make a great couple and told me to go ask her out. No way, dudes, not gonna happen. I can’t talk to girls, I always get freaked out and clam up.The end of March rolled around, and I still had weeks to go before getting my cast off. There was a party on Saturday night, and I was weaning off the strong meds by now so I could have a few drinks. My floor mates were getting me drinks, too; so I ended up having a few more than I would normally have. I was feeling buzzed by the end of the night.One of the guys suddenly showed up with a wheelchair. "Robbo! we got you some wheels, man!“"Where’d you steal that from?” I asked, a little dubious about the idea of them scamming someone’s chair.“No-No, totally not stolen, we got it for you from the Red Cross. It’s legit, dude!”“All right! Let’s check out my new ride then!” I hopped over and settled into the chair. They adjusted the footrest out for me and one of them took my crutches, and they started wheeling me away. "Where we goin?“ I asked."It’s a surprise.” says one of them, and then pull a pillowcase down over my head so I can’t see where we’re going. When I try to pull the covering off, they stopped me, and then the started grabbing my arms & duct taping them to the chair’s armrests. We were outside by now, and I started yelling, until they taped the pillowcase tight against my mouth, to muff my yelling. Now I was getting pissed, but there’s not much I could do, except literally ride this out.They laughed and giggled and make goofy jokes as they wheeled me around campus. Eventually, I had no idea where I am, and it suddenly strikes me that it was now April 1st. The alcoholic buzz is wearing off fast under the rush of my adrenaline and anger, and I wondered what kind of demented nightmare game they’ve come up with.I heard more laughing, girls this time, and they make whispered comments back and forth with the guys. I m now in a building, but I had no clue where. My chair was pushed around some more, bumping into stuff, and then a body is dumped in my lap, then they yanked the duct tape off the pillowcase and I can again my mouth. The room is pitch black. The giggling and laughing is cut off by the slamming of a door, and everything goes quiet.I think there’s a girl in my lap, or a small, really nice smelling guy with long hair. She’s quiescent, asleep or passed out, pressed against my chest.“Hey. Hey, wake up.” I said.No response, she’s just sitting there, draped over my lap. She’s warm and breathing, so it’s not a manikin or something. I wondered if she’s okay.I started to shift a bit, can’t use my arms because they’re taped down, but I try to shake her awake with my rocking shoulders. It didn’t work, and now I’m afraid that if I move too much she’ll fall off onto the floor.“Hey, uh, miss, wake up.” louder. She’s out of it. I turn my head to the side so I’m not yelling in her ear and holler “Hey, enough crap, let me out of here!” Silence reigns. Well, fuck. Now what?‘Now what’. Then the fire alarm starts blaring. It startles the heck out of me, but still isn’t enough to wake the girl. I heard loud commotion in the halls for about 30 seconds, but then suddenly there is silence. Fuck, this is getting serious. What if it’s a real fire? No, no way, it's April 1st now, gotta be a prank. I’ll just wait for her to wake up, and we’ll get out of here. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I began to see faint outlines of what is probably a maintenance closet or storage room.The alarm rings for an annoyingly long time. 15 minutes I guess, I dunno, but it seems interminable. And I need to pee now. When the alarm finally stops the need to pee gets more insistent. I shifted uncomfortably under the weight of my passenger. Her hip is pressed up against my groin, adding to the struggle of my urge to piss.More time passes, and damn, I gotta go bad, now. I’m gonna wet myself, and her too, if I don’t get out of here right now. I’ve tried speaking to her, yelling, shaking her, and then there was another alarm that went on and on. She just isn’t gonna wake up. Did those morons drug her or something?I’m desperate now. “Come on, sleeping beauty, wake up!” Sleeping beauty? Yeah, fine, I’ll try that before I piss all over her. I think a girl would be slightly less angry about a stolen kiss than wet pants. So I seek her mouth. There was a little light coming in under the door, but suddenly that light went out, and only a faint intermittent light glowed. Oh, crap! That would be the emergency exit lighting. I eventually bumped my faced against her nose, then lowered a bit and kissed her, probably a little too hard for a wakeup smooch, cause I'm dying’ here, gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee.She’s got nice soft lips, really quite kissable, and I kinda wished she was awake and under different circumstances. I kissed her again, even harder. No response. I try again, this time I let my tongue do the talking, and I push into her mouth. Helluva way to experience my own first tongue-kiss . Finally, she stirred & turned into the kiss.Surprised, I pull back, and say “Oh thank god you’re awake, help me up!”She startled, yelping at me, “Who are you?!”“Help me, please, I’m gonna piss my pants! Untie me!”In the dim red glow of an exit sign I finally saw her face. She’s kinda cute, not particularly pretty, and she has a cast on her right arm. It’s the girl I saw in the dining hall a few times.“Hurry!" I pleaded.She struggled off me, and stood. Where the hell did you take me! she demanded.I told her that we were both abducted by campus hooligans and locked in some storage room, but I didn t know which building. Then I said; But I gotta pee right now and my leg is in a cast, and I m bound to this wheelchair.She felt the tape on my wrists. It's slow going for her to undo the tape with her one weak hand, the way she’s pulling at it, she’s obviously not left handed.I’m not gonna make it, and I looked around. We’re in a janitor’s room or something. I spotted a stack of small waste baskets. "Quick, grab one of those buckets and put it between my legs.”She’s quick on the uptake, I’ll give her that, and she grabbed the bucket for me. “Pull my pants down, hurry.”“What? No!” she protested.“Argh. Please, I’m gonna wet myself.” I grind out through my clenched teeth.She reached out with that uncoordinated left hand of hers and fumbles with my sweat pants. I squirmed to lift my hips a bit to help, and the elastic waistband slipped down, exposing my tight briefs.“You gotta help. Pull me out, aim for the bucket. Please?”I can see she’s not happy with the situation, and she’s fighting with her distaste at touching a man, a total stranger at that, in such a bizarre circumstance. But she perseveres, and that delicate hand fishes in my shorts for my cock. She paused momentarily as she made contact, then pulled my cock free. She picked up the empty bucket and aimed my hose toward the container.I groaned as I let loose. Oh god, finally! The relief was incredible. The poor girl was acting shocked as she dutifully aimed me at the bucket, and she even nudged the bucket a bit closer. I pissed on and on, holy fuck there was so much, and eventually I ran dry.Her disposition is no longer shocked, but instead she appeared to be curious.“Oh thank you, you saved me so much embarrassment. You can put me back in there now. Thanks.”She hesitated, and timidly tried to one-handedly stuff my cock back through the fly, and after a couple of clumsy tries I’m all set. And of course now my cock was growing fast in her hand, as I no longer had to pee, but there’s a wonderful-smelling girl handling that most sensitive part of my anatomy. Something that’s never happened before.That last drop of pee evidently got on her hand, and she looked a bit frantic now, “Ew” she says.“Just wipe it on my sweats, it’s Okay.” I told her, and she rubbed her hand on my inner thigh. That doesn’t help with my ever increasing boner of course.She looked up at me, and her brow wrinkled. “Do you smell smoke?” she asked.It’s my turn to be startled, and I looked toward the door. Oh Fuck, there’s smoke coming in under the door! That alarm was real! Why wasn’t it still going off? “Quick, help me get this tape off!” She started trying to pull up my sweats, but I say “No, leave that, just get me undone!”She started working on the tape on my left arm, and it took a few minutes to get me free. Working together, my right arm is unstuck in less than a minute. “Check the door.” I told her as I looked around the room. No other doors, just shelves, a big sink, a floor pan for filling and emptying mop buckets, and stacks of boxes and stuff.She tried the light switch but it doesn’t work. Great, my idiot friends probably unscrewed the light bulb. Then she tried the door. “It’s locked!” she says.“From the outside? Why the fuck would it be set up to lock people in? Sorry. I swear when I get nervous.”“Is there really a fire, do you think?”“I guess so, there was an alarm that went off when you were out cold.”“What do we do?” She started frantically searching her pockets and said; “I can’t find my phone!”“I didn’t even bring mine to the party. No pockets.”The smell of smoke got stronger. I wheeled up next to the sink, and ran some water. Grabbing a package of paper towels, I ripped it open and dumped them in the sink. “Here, block up the crack under the door with these!”I handed her wads of soggy paper, and she knelt down to stuff them under the door. The smoke stoped coming in, thank goodness. But now the room is black. “Now what?” she said.I shrugged, “I guess we wait and hope.”“I’m scared.” she said in a small voice.“Come here, sit on my lap here. Oh, uh, maybe pull up my pants first.” She helped me with that and sat on me. I think the gravity of the situation is now hitting her pretty hard, I know it’s got me freaked out. She burrowed into my neck and wraps her good arm wraps around me. “We’re Okay for now.” I tell her.I smelled her hair again, as she’s crushed against me. Damn that feels nice. Shit, I don’t even know her name. “I’m Robert by the way. Robert Green.”“Suzanne. Suzanne Shelton.”, she informed me.“I’d say pleased to meet you Suzanne, but under these circumstances, maybe the sentiment should be I’m ecstatic to meet you. If I was by myself I would have pissed my pants and suffocated.”She giggled, my goofy sense of humor somehow helped in this situation. “I’m glad to meet you too, Robert.”“So how did you get here?”“I don’t know, I was at the dorm party and felt dizzy, then you were kissing me.” She blushed again.“Sorry about that, I tried to wake you for like 20 minutes, but you were really out of it. I finally thought I would try the sleeping beauty trick, and it worked. Did you drink something someone else gave you?”“Oh. Shit. She seemed to recall. I think so. One of my floor mates gave me a coke. It must have been spiked? I had to take some of my pain meds for my arm earlier tonight, it was bothering me. I keep trying to do too much with it all the time.”“Oh, yeah, you don’t want to mix booze or anything with that stuff, I know! Sorry about the pee episode. I really was going to wet my pants in another few seconds. Wet both our pants.”She blushed and giggled. “I never saw a guy like that, like your, thing, before.”“Wow. Okay, well, I never had a girl touch my co-, um, thing, before.”“It changed when I was putting it away. Was that, um, like…’"Yeah, well, when a pretty girl touches me like that, I’m bound to get aroused.”Her eyes went wide at that statement. “Oh” she said. She paused a few seconds, then put her head back on my shoulder. There was that scent again. "So. Um, you think I’m pretty?“"Well, yeah, of course. You’re what I think my grandpa would call 'fetching’”She giggled again. Damn, that sounds nice, and she smells really nice. Little Robert stirred down below. I heard a sharp intake of breath. Uh Oh. She felt that. I may have just ruined what might have been a moment.“Am I pretty enough to make you, uh, aroused, then?”“Oh, Suzanne, I am so embarrassed. Please, don’t be offended, it’s just circumstances, you know?”She pulled back again and looked at the door. Still no smoke. Then she looked at me with a sad smile, saying “I didn’t think so.” Suzanne started to get up, and I realized where our wires had crossed.I put my arms around her and said " Oh, no no. You’re very pretty, and definitely arousing.“She looked surprised, but settled back down on my lap. "Oh.” she said. “Thank you.”Just
In todays episode its a family affair!!! We've got a full house and talk about Adam Pearce's future with the WWE and some possible storylines......You just made the list and so much more!!! CHEERS!!!JERKING THE CURTAINROUND TABLE OF TOPICSNEWSLogan Paul has signed a long term deal with WWE
Okay, so that's a bit harsh. Dude made one HELLUVA throw to force OT. But the Rams somehow survive. Czabe recaps the thrilling finish to the weekend, by calling HIS MOM who was utterly thrilled with the Bears losing for reasons she can only explain. ANDY POLLIN joins the show to talk about the Broncos-Bills game, and the controversial catch/INT and how NY based reviews of NFL games is totally corrosive to any kind of trust. C.J. Stroud is getting murdered by memes after a dreadful exit performance. MORE.....Our Sponsors:* Check out Aura.com: https://aura.com/remove* Check out Goldbelly and use my code CZABE for a great deal: https://www.goldbelly.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
The Town were held to a 2-2 draw in arguably the best game of football of the season so far on Saturday afternoon. Kev is joined by The Lutonian journalist James Cunliffe to look back on an entertaining game at the end of one of the more extraordinary weeks of football at Kenilworth Road. The boys look back at the 90 minutes of action packed football against Lincoln, a match where the Town showed plenty of character and a lot of quality, going through the key moments and the big controversial call in the game. The attention then turns to the never-seen-before fallout from the midweek Vertu Trophy game and a discussion around the outcome of the game and what disappointed both Kev and James. They then reflect on a couple of key transfer window departures from Kenilworth Road in the last week and the impact they could have on the club. All this and plenty more on the longest-running, award-winning Luton Town podcast!
Welcome to my first episode of 2026, wherein you will hear some audio unboxings, I talk about improving my reading habits, and my in-house book reviewer, Fox Loves Carrots (formerly known as Little Munchkin), returns to talk about Carlos Sanchez's Rune: The Tale of a Thousand Faces. Featuring: Helluva Town - Cartoon Gangster RPG from Achron Games, Cosmic Dark by Graham Walmsley, The Wind's Twelve Quarters by Ursula K. Le Guin, A Dreamer's Tales by Lord Dunsany, Bound In Flesh: An Anthology of Trans Body Horror edited by Lor Gislason. Find the Movie Monday Letterboxd list here https://letterboxd.com/the39thman/list/movie-monday-1/This month Movie Monday is dark fantasy action comedy The Golden Child from 1986. Directed by Michael Ritchie and starring Eddie Murphy. That episode will air on January 26th, so please send your submissions by the 24th if you'd like to be included in the show.Also, be sure not to miss the new podcast I'm involved with, entitled With Wife and I. Isla and I take turns choosing movies to watch together, then share our thoughts with anyone who cares to listen. “Warning” by Lieren of Updates From the Middle of Nowhere Leave me an audio message via https://www.speakpipe.com/KeepOffTheBorderlands You can email me at spencer.freethrall@gmail.com, follow me on BlueSky @freethrall.bsky.social or look me up on Discord by searching for freethrall You can also hear me in actual plays on Grizzly Peaks Radio and find me in a bunch of other places here https://freethrall.carrd.co This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit freethrall.substack.com
We're looking back at some of the most incredible, jaw-dropping Helluva Stories from the past year! From epic life-changing moments to unbelievable experiences, these standout stories will leave you speechless. Don't miss this special holiday episode of Roz & Mocha!
Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of
JoAnne’s Christmas Curse: Part 2 A Bike Messenger Received. Based on a post by Todd 1 72, in 2 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. In the morning, JoAnne only found one skirt and jacket; with a remarkable short skirt. And the only shoes had six inch spike heels. Fortunately the long wool overcoat was back, so at least she could probably make it to the office without being ravished, although as horny as she was waking up, any ravishing was more likely to be her doing anyway. JoAnne shrugged off her coat as she walked past Lillian's desk, the super-short skirt eliciting an appreciative "ooh" from Lillian. Then, Lillian said, "Um, shit. JoAnne, the secretary offsite training is today, so I have to leave in like five minutes; we're supposed to head out to some lame team building exercise thing." JoAnne flinched. Lillian, cute as ever, stood up and stepped into the inner office with her. Lillian continued. "I, um, was really hoping to finish all that, um, dictation we started yesterday, but I just got a call saying there are no excused absences. Human Resources is adamant." JoAnne forced a smile on her face. "Not your fault. I was really hoping we could; um, go over that last part again today. Maybe you could read it back to me tomorrow though." She felt Lillian's warm hand slide up the back of her skirt and gently grab her bare ass, a fingertip just pressed against her asshole. Lillian smiled sweetly as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. "I hate to wait that long, but I'll go over my notes so I can read it back exactly right." JoAnne shivered, glanced out the door to make sure nobody was in the outer office, then whispered into Lillian's ear, "God, I was so looking forward to dragging you in here this morning. You'd better run while you still have some clothes on!" Lillian gave her a chaste peck on the cheek, then slipped out the door. Shit. Alone. Horny as hell. JoAnne settled in to get some work done. The morning dragged by, Joanne having to find every file, and never quite sure where to look. She was surprised at how much she actually had undervalued her secretaries; the Byzantine filing system used by the company for hard copy files, was certainly not designed for amateurs. By late afternoon, she found herself frustrated; sorting through file cabinets, looking for a 10-year old file. She was looking in the second lowest cabinet when she heard someone behind her, clearing his throat. JoAnne whirled. The same bike messenger as usual, stood with a package; and gilt edged green envelope in hand. From where he had been standing, he must have had a clear view of her full ass, as she bent over the files. With the super-short skirt and no panties, it didn't take a genius to figure out what he'd seen. She glanced down at his thin spandex cycling shorts surreptitiously. Yep. Hard-on. Giant hard-on. She could see each vein in the trellis texture wrapping around the wide girth of his cock. "How long have you been standing there." "About 90 seconds, I just came; in. I mean came in." "I'll bet." She snatched the big bubble-wrap envelope from his hand. Ripped it open and read the gilt and ivory card. All it said was, "He's all yours." She felt the now-familiar tingling, surge through her. The package had a very nice Christmas bath towel with ivory and gold trim. She stared at the muscular bike messenger, stepped around him; then closed, and locked the office door. "Three questions. No bullshit." He raised an eyebrow, "Yes?" "You married?" "No." "Steady girlfriend?" "No." "Straight?" "Yes." "Fine. I can see you're horny." She gestured at his monstrous hard-on. "You've eyed me every time you've come in here; and if I don't get laid in the next few minutes, I'll go insane." Her skirt and blouse hit the floor, and before he could even respond, she was on her knees and pulling the spandex shorts to his ankles. Her mouth was on his massive cock before he could even finish stepping out of his shoes and pull his shirt off. The taste was amazing, she felt like she couldn't get away; every lick made her crave him even more. She could barely get her hand around the shaft, so she began stroking his massive pole with both hands; spreading as much of her saliva on his cock as she could manage, then she began pumping his cock in and out of her mouth, getting a little deeper with each stroke. She felt his hands grip her hair, and he slowly began to take over the rhythm, and driving in a little deeper each time. She felt a flash of anger as she realized he was just fucking her mouth, just using her! The feeling of anger flashed into heat that seemed to center on her pussy. She groaned around the thrusting pole. His cock went in deeper and she sucked harder, slurping as he pulled back. Fuck, it felt great, just to act like a total slut! She moved her hands back around, to grab his muscular ass, and began pulling him in harder. She should have been gagging and choking on his cock; it was going halfway down her damn throat! But apparently Holly had also turned off her gag mechanism or something. He must think she was a total whore to be able to deep throat him like that. The more she thought about it, the more it turned her on. She grabbed his ass hard and pulled him right up to her, feeling his cock slide down her throat until her lips were all the way down. She held him that way, listening to him groan, then she very slowly slid him out of her burning mouth, looking up at him and making hard eye contact. Just as he was almost out of her mouth, she let her teeth touch the head; then sucked him all the way in again. After four times, his eyes were starting to lose focus, so she finally let him slide all the way out, his cock glistening with her saliva. "You're not getting off that easy; I said I need to get laid. I need to get fucking pounded!" JoAnne led him over to the desk then she laid down on. With ass right at the edge, she pulled her knees up until they were right at her tits. The bike courier guy didn't hesitate at all, plunging his steel rod in all the way to the hilt. Even as wet as she was, the huge pole filling her; induced a gasp. "Oh yeah! Now just fucking hammer that pussy!" He complied without a word, his balls slapping against her ass with each drive. Moaning loudly, she stretched her legs up, then rested her heels over his shoulders, and began tweaking her hard nipples. With all her frustration earlier, her orgasms didn't take long to arrive; gushing hot juice as her inner muscles contracted on the giant cock. Feeling the force of her orgasm, he started to slow. She snarled through gritted teeth, "Keep fucking, god dammit! Don't stop or I'll slap the shit out of you!" He grinned and continued ramming into her steaming hole; it took two more hard climaxes, before she could feel herself relax. He began to pick up speed, and she could see from his face; he was nearly there. Suddenly the desk slid; and his cock popped out, pointed right at her; just as a fountain of sticky white cum erupted. JoAnne felt the first rope, splattering upward from her stomach, to her tits, and finally her face. Then a second rope came even harder and longer. Since her mouth was open, she got a good taste of the hot jizz. Her mouth filled up, just as the second rope a jizz abated. She stared directly into his eyes as she swallowed it all. A third rope commenced, hitting her right between the eyes. It spread evenly in both lateral directions. Covering her eye shadow and cascading down over her eyelids, and flowing over her high cheekbones. It ran along her jaw, and dribbled into the ravine of her deep cleavage. That bitch! JoAnne was sure she could hear Holly’s haunting giggle. He staggered back. "Shit, I'm sorry, the damn desk slid; I, uh;” She waved him off, licking the cum off her lips. "Don't worry about it; furniture has a mind of its own sometimes." He dressed hurriedly while she toweled herself off. After he was gone, she checked her hair one last time for cum droplets and headed home. That night, her vibrator was buzzing pretty late. Three on a match The next morning, one of the red outfits was hanging in the closet; see through white blouse, red skirt, red jacket; and the now-normal high heel red shoes. Not a stitch of underwear, of any type, of course. The skirt seemed longer than they had been, the last few days, and the neckline was a little less obvious. With the jacket closed and fully buttoned, she could probably be seen in public without getting arrested. Another Christmas card lay on her counter, all it said was, "Be Helpful! Helping Others Can be Fulfilling." Lillian wasn't in the outer office. Just as JoAnne settled into her chair, Lillian, wearing a cute little gray skirt outfit, came in, leading a small young woman with light brown hair and huge glasses, into the room. "JoAnne, this is Mouse, from the IT office. She is going to replace the Video conference set-up this morning; a lot more than the cable, was bad." "Mouse"; gave a weak smile, which clearly showed where she had picked up her nickname. The resemblance to a friendly, cute, cartoon mouse was uncanny. She had two prominent front teeth and her ears even stuck out enough to make the image perfect. Well, as long as she was here, there was no way JoAnne was going to get Lillian alone. JoAnne moved to Lillian's desk while Lillian and Mouse struggled with the connections. Mouse, working in the secure comms closet, while Lillian kept reconnecting cables under the desk. JoAnne watched Lillian's cute round ass, wiggling around as she swapped out yet another piece of the system, while Mouse adjusted settings on the master board in the closet; occasionally closing the door to see the whole panel. Going down a couple floors, to Security; to sign for a new badge and computer token that would work with the new conference system, was a relief for JoAnne. As she walked back into her office, closing the outer door behind her, the first thing she saw was Lillian's yummy ass, still wiggling from under the desk. Looking around, she noted that everyone seemed to be still at work, just as she’d left them. So that means Mouse was still in the comms closet, with the door almost shut. Grinning evilly, JoAnne slid up behind the desk and the lovely ass of her assistant was exposed. She rolled up her desk chair and seated herself, then slid one hand up her inner thigh; slowly; whispering, "As soon as we're alone, I'm eating that sweet pussy, until you scream! Then I'm fucking your brains out with Carlos!” That was the nickname she gave her new strap-on dildo harness setup. Lillian didn't say anything, but spread her legs further. JoAnne then saw the jeweled stem of a lovely ass-plug, deeply set in Lillian’s lovely asshole. Where did Lillian get this lovely accessory from? She let her fingers cruise up the soft inner thigh. Much to her excitement, Lillian wasn't wearing any panties; and she was very, very wet. JoAnne began to finger her in earnest, massaging the rapidly swollen clit and dripping pussy rapidly. Lillian was thrusting back against her hand, so she quickly slipped two fingers into her, pumping in and out until she heard a soft moan and felt Lillian's pussy muscles contacting rhythmically on her fingers. Hearing the rattling at the comms closet door, she rapidly stood up and acted as if she was in the middle of a conversation with Lillian: "So we may have to stay later tonight until we get this sorted out." Lillian stepped out of the comms closet. Stunned Joanne looked down at the desk as Mouse slipped out from underneath it, with a huge mousey grin, flushed face and a great deal of hair out of place. Belatedly, Joanne realized Mouse was also wearing a gray skirt, just like Lillian's. "I'll stay as late as you want, Ma'am! Gosh Lily, you said she was great to work for, but I didn't know she was this great!" Lillian looked confused. Mouse's grin got even wider. "Lil, she didn't know we switched places; she thought I was you.” Turning back to the director, Mouse continued; “Miss Steadman, It was great! Mouse was euphoric and giddy. “LiI, haven't gotten laid since the last time we did the amateur-night strip club thing, you know? The time you and I had too much tequila, ended up in the oil-wrestling pit, and went home together? And Miss Steadmann was really good! Normally I'd scream if someone just slid their hand up my skirt, but it was so obvious she thought it was you! And I thought it would be funny; she promised to fuck my brains out as soon as we were alone. So I was going to say something, but her fingers felt so good; going up my thigh, and I kept putting off saying anything. And I've been so horny all week. I mean; I can masturbate, but it just isn't the same as having someone else do it to you. And she knows just how to use her fingers; I came so hard, I thought I would pass out. Gosh Lily, you need to learn to share!" Mouse said the entire thing in one breath, which made Lillian begin to giggle, then Mouse joined in and finally JoAnne broke down and began to laugh. Breathlessly, JoAnne gasped out, "I'm so sorry, I've just been so crazy horny for the last week." Mouse giggled, "You should jump the bike courier guy; makes me wet every time he walks through the office. I end up fingering myself under the desk!" "I jumped him yesterday, and screwed his brains out." "Oh my gosh! Is he as good as he looks? I'll bet he's hung like a horse!" "Huge; he's just hung like a stallion!. But I'm still horny as hell!" After they finally managed to stop laughing, Mouse looked thoughtfully at the outer office door. Her wicked mouse-grin got wider. She pulled a doorknob sign out of her bag. It said; "Tech Support. Sensitive Hardware Installation; Keep Out." She walked to the outer office door, pulled it open, hung the sign on the outer knob, then closed and locked it with an evil mousey leer. "Looks like later to me!" JoAnne felt Lily reach around her and begin unbuttoning her blouse, pausing for a moment to gently tease JoAnne's hard nipples. Mouse dropped her skirt to the floor and walked towards the cleared off desk. "So Miss Jo, you said something about; making me scream?" Jo shivered as Lily pulled her blouse down off her shoulders while tracing up the nape of her neck with the hot tip of her tongue. Lily whispered in her ear. "I'm holding you to that, too. You may have said it to her, but you thought you were promising it to me. Looks like double duty for you." It was over two hours later when JoAnne finally walked out on wobbly legs. She was even a little sore; Mouse, it turned out, had a fondness for wearing the strap-on and her compact little body had more strength than anyone would expect. JoAnne was also very glad she'd been using the vibrator on her ass so regularly; her earlier attack on Lily's ass had brought a rather delightful but slightly over the top retribution from Lily. Mouse and Lily seemed very comfortable with each other, and it was pretty clear they were a lot fonder of each other than either of them really realized. To be honest JoAnne wondered why she'd noticed. Dropping off to sleep was easier than ever. After a few minutes with her vibrator of course. The Third Package When JoAnne woke the next morning, naked as usual, she glanced in the mirror; her little holly leaf was very much edged in gold now; and the hair seemed to be turning a dark green. At least her closet was looking a little more benign this morning; the ever present red jacket, a regular white silk blouse; hardly transparent at all; her now-perpetually-excited nipples poked through, but she was getting used to that. And the skirt was actually just a little shorter than her usual choice. The heels were almost an inch higher than before, but that was a pretty easy trade-off. The shoes, at least, were comfortable. As she strolled into her kitchen, she found Holly, and another incredibly busty elf perched on the counter, looking over a couple of scrolls. Both were drinking coffee from her coffeemaker. "A black elf?" Holly and the new elf looked up at her. The black elf threw her a sharp look. "What, is she racist, too?" Holly shook her head, and held up her scroll. "Nope. Just ignorant." Holly looked over at JoAnne. "Elves aren't born, we're recruited." "From where? "Everywhere. I was recruited in Germany over 900 years ago. Koko here was recruited from Johannesburg about 80 years ago." JoAnne really wanted to know what the hell they were doing in her kitchen, but pushing Holly had proven to be a really bad idea, so she tried to be conversational. "So what's the recruitment profile? I mean you'd have to have some kind of criteria." She looked at the two of them critically for a second. "Cause If I was going to guess, I'd assume it had something to do with having tits like honeydew melons." Koko gave a lopsided grin. "That's part of the 'elf upgrade package.' The Big Guy has a thing for giant knockers, so you lose a little height and gain half dozen cups sizes. They firm up and stick out, too. Gwyneth, our head supervisor, is over 800 years old, and she still has very little sag." She reached up with her hands and jiggled her boobs. "They're really sensitive, too. Definitely worth the trade." "Doesn't that make your back hurt?" Holly laughed. "Christmas Magic, Baby." "The Big Guy is?" "Santa Claus, Pere Noel, Father Christmas. Yep, he's real." "And he likes big knockers. Do you guys, uh?" Koko shook her head, eyes wide. "Nope, He's a one-woman guy, and Lady Winter isn't somebody you'd want to piss off. She doesn't mind skin and jiggle all around him, doesn't mind looking at it, herself. But I'd hate to think what would happen if anyone was stupid enough to go after and seduce him." Holly nodded. "She actually does the upgrades, I think the giant ta-tas are her idea, anyway." She suddenly looked a little serious. "So, anyway; Koko here is from the Legal Oversight office. She's responsible for making sure all the legal criteria are met for this kind of stuff. Christmas Lesson Curses, you know." "She's a lawyer?" Koko stiffened. "Oh? So I can't be a lawyer now?" JoAnne flinched. "No, I mean, I guess, I just never thought of Elves as needing lawyers." Koko relaxed a bit. "We have divisions to do everything: management, logistics, manufacturing, recruiting, and, of course; the elves who go out and spread Christmas cheer, the 'Jingle Girls,' that's by far our biggest division." Holly caught Jo's eye. "She has to make sure that I'm not misusing power, make sure you deserved the curse. All that kind of stuff." There was an almost pleading look in her eye. Koko nodded, sipping her coffee and picking up a scroll from the counter. "Somebody, who I won't name, but who's initials are 'Holly Mistletoe' is kind of sloppy with paperwork and has gotten her ass in trouble before; for overreacting. In fact, she's on probation. One more misuse and she's back in the toy factory, putting eyes in those creepy little dolls." Holly shuddered. Jo shrugged. "So what do you need to know?" "Okay. Let's see. Were you knowingly and deliberately rude to her, contrary to the Spirit of Christmas?" "Yeah, I kinda was. More than 'kinda.' I knocked her on her ass." "On purpose?" "I don't know. More, not giving a shit." Koko's eyes slid sideways accusingly towards Holly, who looked a little stricken. Jo suddenly felt a little sorry for Holly, even though she'd started this whole thing. "Oh yeah, I did tell her to 'Fuck off.' Twice. And definitely I meant that. I tried to get her thrown out of the restaurant." She saw relief cross Holly's face. Koko looked placated. "Okay. So let's see if the response was appropriate;” Koko scanned the scroll. "Maybe a little over the top, but not too much. No permanent damage or anything. Not like that sheep incident in Scotland." Holly suppressed a snicker and Koko glared at her. "It wasn't funny, you know. A whole country gets a bad reputation because some drunk highlander pinched your ass without your permission." She looked over at JoAnne. "Have you learned your lesson?" "Yes. I think I have. I'll sure as hell remember this, for the rest of my life." "Okay then, we can go ahead and turn it off." JoAnne thought fleetingly of Mouse and Lillian. "Wait, doesn't it end at midnight tonight anyway? Until Midnight of Christmas Eve and all that?" Koko looked a little confused. "Well, yes, but it isn't necessary to continue; you're clearly contrite;” "No, it's okay, I don't want to put you guys through any trouble or anything. I've made it so far, I'll make it through the day." Koko shrugged, but JoAnne thought Holly looked a bit smug as the two of them disappeared with that bizarre reverse popping sound. Alone. Unfortunately for JoAnne, Lily had called to say she would be out; her car had broken down. Just as bad, when JoAnne made up an excuse to call down to Tech Support to "ask Mouse a question about this video upgrade," she'd been told that Mouse had called out to go help someone whose car had broken down. Obviously Lily. JoAnne reflected that the two of them seemed to be a little more than just a couple friends who slept together once in a while. In a way, she wished Lily had called her for help instead of Mouse. She lasted only half the day in the nearly deserted office. Everyone had taken Christmas Eve off, and she could have sprinted through the building, naked; and not run into anyone. By noon, only she and the old man at the security desk, were left. Grumbling, she walked out of the building, and started home. Nobody to care for, nobody to visit. As she walked past a still-open jewelry store, she noticed charm necklaces proudly displayed. Not very expensive things; just little gold charms. But one design was a little cartoon mouse; and one of the others was a lily. After a flash of inspiration, she walked down the street to a metro delivery service, filled out the forms, and paid a ridiculous fee to have the necklaces delivered by tonight. With a self-satisfied smile, she sent the mouse necklace to Lily and the lily necklace to Mouse, along with a note that she hoped they had a wonderful Christmas. At 6pm, tired of waiting for the ‘shoe to drop’, and more than a little disappointed, JoAnne took a relaxing shower. Afterward she dried and wore her very expensive white plush bathrobe. She pulled a bottle of chilled white wine out of her walk-in wine cellar, and put it on the counter. Her earlier joy at finding the right gifts for Lily and Mouse, was fast-fading, and in the back of her mind, she was seriously considering drinking enough wine to pass out, for the first time since college. That is, until she heard a knock on her Penthouse apartment door. That in itself should have been impossible; nobody entered the building without being rung up in the first place. She walked over and looked out the peephole. The bike messenger. She smiled to herself, feeling a surge of lust. "Holly, you clever, sneaky little bitch." She untied and tossed her robe over on the easy chair, and threw the door open with a smile. "Just what I was waiting for! Come on in." Three faces stared at her in shock. Well, two were in shock; the third was starting a knowing grin. She looked from face to face to face, stunned. The Bike Messenger. An identical Bike Messenger. And yet another twin Bike Messenger. "Triplets? Identical Triplets." The grinning one stepped in, pulling the other two with him. "I'm Derrick, this is Devlin and that is Darwin. We operate Triple D Messenger Service." The one he'd called Devlin, stared at her for a second, then blinked and shook his head. "You dropped off a couple packages to be delivered and the addresses got smeared." He held up the packages for Lily and Mouse. "Since we had deliveries in this building we figured we'd drop by and get;” his voice trailed off as Joann reached over and grabbed his shirtfront and Darwin's arm, and began dragging them towards the living room. "I really hope you three don't have anywhere to be for the next couple of hours." She felt Derrick's hands slide up her bare body, to cup her tits, and Darwin started kissing her deeply. An hour later, moaning her way through yet another shivering orgasm, she noticed movement in the doorway. Lily and Mouse, both in long winter coats watched; open-mouthed from the doorway. Each one was clutching a wine box with a bow on it. She pulled her mouth off the head of the cock she'd been happily sucking on. Darwin, or was it Derrick; looked over at them, then back down at JoAnne. "You need to get that lock looked at." "Come in and close the door." Mouse looked at her wide-eyed, then at the men stroking in and out of JoAnne. "Miss Jo, you look a little; busy, maybe we should go." "Well; I think maybe 'Miss I-Get-Wet-and-Finger-Myself-Whenever-the-Bike-Messenger-Comes-Through'; and 'Miss I-Want-to-Take-a-Bite-of-His-Ass'; should lose their clothes and give me a hand before I suffocate. This whole 'airtight' thing is fun at first, but a girl needs to be able to breathe." Lily and Mouse exchanged looks and giggled as they dropped their coats. The only thing either one was wearing was their shoes. As the men slowly let her loose, JoAnne said. "Mouse, Lily, this is Derrick, Devlin and Darwin of Triple D Messenger Service." Lily reached out and grabbed the nearest cock. "Dibs on Devlin." "Um, actually, I'm Darwin;” "Yeah, whatever. Just get that rock hard ass and phallus over here." The one nearest Mouse smiled at her. "I'm;” Mouse solemnly cut him off, grabbing his hard shaft and leading him over towards an easy chair. "Don't care. You name wasn't the important part of my recurring fantasy." JoAnne looked at the remaining brother. Whatever his name was. "Thank God! Now I can move how I want to." It was another hour before they paused. While the guys recovered, JoAnne gave the charm necklaces to Mouse and Lily and watched their smiles light up. Especially when they realized who got which necklace. Mouse reached over and pulled Jo and Lily into a hug. "You guys are the best!" Lily grabbed the wine boxes, handing one to Mouse. "We got you gifts too." Mouse opened the box with a crazy mousey leer, pulling out an enormous strap-on, while Lily did the same. Her grin wasn't as mousey, but the leer was just as crazy. They began strapping them on, and over their shoulders, JoAnne could see the guys' hard-ons returning already. "Holly Mistletoe. Holly Mistletoe. Holly Mistletoe!" Everything froze with a snap. Holly, her elf cap askew, was standing in the middle of the room. She looked around at the three buff bike messengers, who'd just been starting to get up, then at Lily and Mouse, frozen with their giant strap-ons at the ready and lust-filled eyes. "Wow. I'm impressed. Helluva party." "It's getting a little wild." "Okay, you definitely need help. Do you want me to make them go to sleep, send some home, send all of them home?" "Oh, no. Don't do that." Holly looked around. "Then what?" "I wasn't really calling for help. I just figured, that if you weren't busy you might want to; you know." "Join in?" Holly looked at her disbelievingly. JoAnne shrugged. "Sorry, I just thought you might want a little fun. But I guess being an Elf on Christmas Eve, you're probably busy." Holly looked over at the three guys and grinned. "Fuck it, the team up north can get by without me." "How are you going to get them to not freak out when you just show up, I doubt all of them believe in Christmas Magic?" "The magic of Pizza. Everybody believes in pizza." A sudden snap with that strange reverse-popping sound and everyone was in motion again. Just as they had her encircled, there was a loud knock and the door popped open. Holly, in a ridiculously tight, red and white, cleavage-baring parody of a pizza delivery costume was standing at the door, holding a two huge pizza boxes. "Pizza delivery! For Miss Jo Steadmann. Looks like a 'Crowd Pleaser Combo', One 'Double Sweet and Spicy' and one extra-large, extra-hot Triple Sausage. Lily shook her head. "You really need to get that lock looked at." Holly looked around, as if seeing everything for the first time, and her eyes widened. "Oh, triplets!" Trio Times. Jo relaxed dreamily, eyes closed, laying on her side on her bed as Mouse and Lily thrust slowly, gently, in and out of her in perfect rhythm. Their legs were tangled together. Lily, behind her, and Mouse, in front, used their hands to hold JoAnne’s upper leg up at the knee, while they both kissed and nibbled her neck. She listened to far more intense noises from the next room. Somewhere around midnight, Holly had finally dragged the three bike messengers off with a lascivious grin. JoAnne didn't have to make any effort, just enjoyed the sensations, the slow build until a last, slow wave of orgasm slid through her. As she opened her eyes, she realized that Lily and Mouse were gently kissing each other, the golden charms on their necklaces tapping together, making tiny bell-like sounds, while the two of them looked into each other's eyes as if they were in a world all their own. Walking Funny. The next morning, JoAnne slipped quietly off the bed; Lillian and Mouse were nestled together on the other side. Mouse was snoring quietly, little, squeaky contented sounds. It was clear, just from the way they were holding each other; that they had crossed from occasional Friends with Benefits, to something much more serious, and that made JoAnne smile a little. Holly was sitting lazily, in one of the easy chairs, dressed in one of JoAnne's robes. She raised a mug up. "The boys had to leave, remembered they had a Christmas family thing. That's good, 'cause I'm gonna walk funny for a few days. Damn, they had some serious stamina. Must be all that bike riding. Hey, I've got some hot chocolate for you on the counter." JoAnne raised the steaming mug off the counter. "I thought you'd be busy today." "No, Christmas Day is a pretty quiet day for me, just a couple things to do." She waved at the penthouse apartment. "Is this worth it? Your job, I mean, it obviously makes a shit-ton of money, but it seems pretty stressful." "I thought so, but honestly, over the last few days, I've had more fun than I can remember." She paused. "I could work my ass off for the rest of my life and it would never get me what Lily and Mouse have." "I saw that too, they just didn't realize it until last night. They just figured out that they're a forever couple, I could see it in their eyes last night. You saw it before they did, didn't you?" They both love men, a lot. But they’ll have to be men who don’t mind the Sapphic dimensions in the two women’s lives. JoAnne nodded. "I even kind of gave a hint to them." She told Holly about the necklaces, realizing that the whole thought that she wasn't going to get something; she'd never even thought of wanting, was depressing. JoAnne decided to change the subject. "So, do you like your job?" "It's amazing. I get to travel all over the world, all the time. And I really am the best at it." "I can tell, last night was insane, you outdid yourself." “But I want more from life than career affirmation. I want a meaningful and fun relationship with someone who appreciates who I am. This corporation will never be able to give me those things.” “Did you know that Triple D is conducting a search for a logistics administrator? Derrick is conduction interviews, starting tomorrow. They’ve been offered metro area contracts from a global overnight delivery leader, and they’ll need a very competent administrator. It sounds custom-made for one JoAnne Steadmann?” “Derrick and I had fantastic chemistry, a couple days ago, and again last night. But will Derrick and I be compatible, I mean, after the curse wears off?” Holly shook her head. "The curse ended at Midnight. Since we operate all over the world, all our stuff is set to work on Greenwich mean time, so that'd be about 6PM yesterday, here." "So what was last night?" "That was all you; and, let me tell you, you are one crazy, horny, bitch. You just needed to be unleashed." "Oh. My. God. I thought that was part of your 'spreading Christmas cheer' job." Holly leaned back grinning. "That's a blast, one of the best jobs out there; but I'm not a Jingle Girl, that's not what I do. I just did a courtesy check, on my own time. Gawd, woman! You sure know how to host a shagging party!" "Well, what do you do?" Holly put the mug down on the small table next to her and pulled a scroll out of the thin air and unrolled it, then held a quill pen out to JoAnne, arching an eyebrow. "I'm in Recruiting. If you weren’t interested in settling down with a local guy, I’d be earnestly pitching a career option with lots of travel and opportunities unbounded.” Based on a post by Todd 1 72, in 2 parts.
Five Stories for this week: Mamdani wins; Too many reasons to hate Andrew Cuomo NY AG vs VDare “Cultural Enrichments” from France and the UK NYC's future: Substance Abuse Counselor Killing Under the Influence Karl Rove's GOP Advice: George Bush, Part III
Five Stories for this week:Mamdani wins; Too many reasons to hate Andrew CuomoNY AG vs VDare"Cultural Enrichments" from France and the UKNYC's future: Substance Abuse Counselor Killing Under the InfluenceKarl Rove's GOP Advice: George Bush, Part III
Bronco Bob Luecke of American Motorcycle Trading company has been buying and selling bikes and cars for longer than I've been alive! Helluva guy and I always appreciate our time. We talk a lot about riding bikes in the big bend and a little about the current state of the industry. If you wanna learn more about Bob I suggest you start here. Thank you sir.KickStart Danger Dan's Talk ShopMCshopTsLowbrow CustomsKnives Made By Nick Permalink
Interview by Haze / mike_tall We recently sat down with 03 Greedo for an exclusive “Off The Porch” interview! During our conversation he talked about being on “The Life I Deserve Tour”, his new album ‘Hella Greedy' produced entirely by Helluva, their chemistry working together, explains the significance of dropping the album on 10/17, the inspiration for his single “Kill Me”, not caring what online haters & trolls have to say to him, adjusting to recording while sober, dropping music consistently while locked up, overcoming obstacles, connecting with Maxo Kream in 2017, recording “R.I.C.O.”, plans to open a sneaker store with Maxo, the inspiration for “DayQuill”, working with Peezy, reveals they are working on a project together, explains why this is his last street album, what to expect from his next project, Drummer Gang, working with Skrilla, reveals they have 10 songs together, explains how Lil Uzi Vert jumped on “Never Bend”, recalls recording “Rude”, performing songs that his fans want him to do, explains what his fans mean to him, his music reaching around the world, shares advice for the youth, and much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The Player on the Texan DEFENSE that is THRIVING in 2025-having a HELLUVA Year; but with Little Attention & 'Under the Radar'...?? full 823 Tue, 14 Oct 2025 23:23:46 +0000 t0u1EqoorZyUNmHcdujzJeDSifAvCgGl nfl,afc,houston texans,demeco ryans,afc south,nfl news,texans,kamari lassiter,htown,lassiter,texans news,afc south news,nfl news notes,texans news notes,sports The Drive with Stoerner and Hughley nfl,afc,houston texans,demeco ryans,afc south,nfl news,texans,kamari lassiter,htown,lassiter,texans news,afc south news,nfl news notes,texans news notes,sports The Player on the Texan DEFENSE that is THRIVING in 2025-having a HELLUVA Year; but with Little Attention & 'Under the Radar'...?? 2-6PM M-F © 2025 Audacy, Inc. Sports
Helluva diet.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
In this episode, Amy and T.J. talk about how they are personally dealing with the fear and anxiety that has descended upon so many of us this week. How are we supposed to talk to our kids and how do we make sure we don’t let fear get the best of us? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this episode, Amy and T.J. talk about how they are personally dealing with the fear and anxiety that has descended upon so many of us this week. How are we supposed to talk to our kids and how do we make sure we don’t let fear get the best of us? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this episode, Amy and T.J. talk about how they are personally dealing with the fear and anxiety that has descended upon so many of us this week. How are we supposed to talk to our kids and how do we make sure we don’t let fear get the best of us? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this episode, Amy and T.J. talk about how they are personally dealing with the fear and anxiety that has descended upon so many of us this week. How are we supposed to talk to our kids and how do we make sure we don’t let fear get the best of us? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Helluva shares the difference between the Eastside of Detroit & The Westside, creating The Detroit Sound , Producing First day out for Tee Grizzley after he was released from prison and starting out as a MC who was inspired by Detroit underground legend Esham
Clare Siobhan and Helluva talk about her early days, how they met, Helluva productions changing the Detroit landscape, and more. ----- Shout out to all our members who make this content possible, sign up for only $5 a month / @nojumper Promote Your Music with No Jumper - https://nojumper.com/pages/promo CHECK OUT OUR ONLINE STORE!!! https://nojumper.com NO JUMPER PATREON / nojumper CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPOTIFY PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5te... Follow us on SNAPCHAT / 4874336901 Follow us on SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/4z4yCTj... iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/n... Follow us on Social Media: / 4874336901 / nojumper / nojumper / nojumper / nojumper JOIN THE DISCORD: / discord Follow Adam22: / adam22 / adam22 / adam22 adam22bro on Snapchat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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