The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back me, the resident clod. It's quiz time! What movie is made up of equal parts Kindergarten Cop, Cool As Ice, No Retreat No Surrender, Down To Earth, Only the Strong, Duets, Rush Hour, Rocky IV, Almost an Angel, starring an athletic alcoholic sex pest and funded by the D.A.R.E.program? If you answered, Seanbaby's 2003 mail order classic. "Hunk Along Chastity 3, Clap Slab's Revenge" - partial credit! The answer we were actually looking for is 1994's Kindergarten Ninja. Staring no one and featuring nothing... unless you're into montages of montages of ninja flavored slap fights. You are? Send a self addressed stamped envelope to- Oh. The ninja one. Yeah, just hit the play button.

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dennard Dayle to the DOGGZZONE! Quick, name three sexy things. Don't be shy... Correct! Clowns, Christians and beans. Heaving, gelatinous mouthfuls of steaming hot baked beans. BBQ if you're nasty. Now, imagine a book that packs all three of these, (your favorite) erotic ingredients into a violent, (also hot) action/noir. An LLM hallucination that will leave you honking and horny, (on account of those sweet whore beans you see) it's none other than Duane Laflin's titillating tome, "The Party Is Over! (The Detective Was A Clown)"   

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back award winning author, Jason Pargin. Today we watch "Terror in the Woods" also called, "These Woods are Haunted" but also not called that, or, it IS but the other thing. No one knows... Scared yet? Brought to you by the same subset of Travel Channel's channel channels, that birthed Mountain Monsters, "Haunted Terror Pargin" explores the real life tales of a drunk guy and his quest for lodging... SPOOKY LODGING. A testament to what might possibly be the best storytelling ever committed to video tape! "Woodsy the Forest Terror" will leave you wanting 

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dan McQuade to watch "women wrestlers" "fight" in a "competition" conjured up by "Stallone." Once again, you're going to be required by law to meet your neighbors for ANOTHER awkward conversation after listening to this "fun" episode!

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back David Bell! After "Child of Peach" back in episode 223, the DOGGZZONE was undoubtedly put on MOST federal watch lists. Not good enough. We aim to be on ALL watch lists, so we dug up David Bell to join us as we recap, "The Milky Life" featuring everyone's favorite infant elder, Micky Rooney! Make no mistake, these podcasts are crimes and you're implicit... not to worry, there's plenty of commissary to go around on our tab... and it's allll MILK. Strap on your diaper, we're going to hell.

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Lydia Bugg! Hey 80's kids! We all loved Thriller, we all adored E.T.! Would you believe the spirit of these two titans of 1980's pop culture merged into one hateful sack of fetid audio swill so repugnant that it had to be litigated out of its very existence?? Grab a shovel and join the DOGGZZONE as we excavate the remains of the E.T. audio book read by everyone's favorite megastar hermit pervert, Michael Jackson, (for kids!) ...And we won't stop till we say you've had enough.

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dirk Marshall for REDACTED. ███████████████████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ██████████peaches███████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████████what███████████████████ █████hath█████████████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████we█████████████████████████████ ████████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████████████████████████████████wrought████ Millions of ████████████████████████████████████████████████ ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████████████████████████peaches████████ ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ██████GOD IS████████████████pisspisspiss███████████████peach.

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Merritt K! Extra Italian, extra sleepy, extra Estrada, EXTRA LARGE! From the depths of Italian television obscurity comes a spiritual successor to Hunk Week's sweaty slabs of beefy nonsense! Ingredients include extra PUNCH, extra OLD and extra... Winslow? YES! Never before has one man's singular "talent" ever been so underutilized to such great effect! A lumbering clobberfest awaits, set to the extra Euro New Jack Funk of Italy's very own, EXTRA LARGE!

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Gareth Edwards! Ah music, arguably one of mankind's greatest gifts to the world, an incomparable ode to the wonder of existence. "Without music, life would be a mistake." Nietzsche said that, it's in a book! So, what finer fuel to power the machinations of the child grinder that is capitalism? Blood, destitution, audible teeth gnashing.. sure, BUT at a nail bitingly close fourth, MUSIC! Join the DOGGZZONE, sit a spell and take a listen, won't you? 

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Zak Koonce! Somewhere between reckless violence, quizzical boredom and a failed Rosetta Stone course, lay DOGFIGHT: Wild Tournament 3! Hop into the fight sedan, now glance at a capoeira poster... you are now wildly overqualified to swing savagely into oblivion with the DOGGZZONE!

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Michael Swaim for a fan favorite, (and by fan we mean Robert and by favorite we mean excuse to record a podcast.) That's right, it's another episode of BLADESMEN! Ocean Edition Volume: Guh? We find our hero's right where we left off... having done something, somewhere and at some point in time! No time for lukewarm adventure? Skip to the end for the darkest of PxRNHUB's most nefarious categories!

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Fryda Wolff to the DOGGZZONE! We'd like you to take a moment to think about the sex lives of the DOGGZZONE... it's ok, totally consensual. Really think about it. What do you imagine? It's probably very oily, a little funky, VERY hunky... a little chunky? NO. PREMATURE EJACULATION EVERY TIME. ALL THE TIME. Find out more than you EVER wanted to know about just how quick a quicky can be as long suffering Fryda Wolff forgoes flailingly futile gambits to maintain sanity in the musty dank that is, THE DOGGZZONE. 

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Lydia Bugg to the DOGGZZONE! It's HUNK WEEK at the DOGGZZONE so get your lube ready, no more... I don't think you understand, MORE. Now slather it all over and get ready for some skinemax style hunks the likes of which you've probably seen if you're a fan of Green Arrow! They're young, dumb and showin' bums, they are the magical himbo hunks of Dante's Cove! Seriously though... MORE LUBE.

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Lydia Bugg to the DOGGZZONE! Ever wanna see Pazuzu whip the horses eyes? Does Klinger's beguilement at equestrian acrobatics tickle your darkest desires? Does the cryptic musings of Bo Derick twist your chaps in knots? The fucks wrong with you? Let's find out as the DOGGZZONE visits the rodeo! Also Pee Wee Herman's there.

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Jason Pargin to the DOGGZZONE! How do you save a dying town in the late 80's? Why, through cunning use of systemically racist hiphop! Join the DOGGZONE as they spit hot bars in the face of terrible white peoples' misguided desperation and soul crushing embarrassment!

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Lydia Bugg to the DOGGZZONE! Remember the 80's? Sure, we all do. The wood paneling, the tape rewinders, Aquanet, pachyderm fetish circuses... ah, the bodacious neon glow of memories from a better time, a hunkier, sexier time where the most Belvidere of misters and the sexiest of elephants called home. Yes, the 80's, renown for it's C-List part time carnies and birth place of all kinks known to men & women, AND ONLY MEN & WOMEN. The 80's... come and sit a spell. Also wiggle when you do it, she seems to like that.

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Brendan McGinley to the DOGGZZONE! Rejoice comic book nerds for today after MUCH anticipation, we FINALLY discuss the LONG AWAITED comic book series extravaganza that is: LIBERALITY FOR ALL! You lucky sonsabitches thought we wouldn't, nay, COULDN'T bring LIBERALITY FOR ALL to the unwashed masses, but after much hardship, handwringing and hangovers we are proud to finally present to you and yours, absolutely NOTHING OF VALUE in it's most perfected and pristine form!

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Merritt K to the DOGGZZONE! Faith and begorrah! A BloodSport has broken out on the Emerald Isle, and it's heavily underfunded! Join the DOGGZZONE and suffer along to 1998's FATAL DEVIATION, Ireland's first full-length martial arts film starring Jean-Clod Van'Darn and special guest, an utter test of your waning patience!

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Mark Mahoney to the DOGGZZONE for a deluxe 'old school internet' crossover extravaganza! Mark reprises his role as BADCANDY's candy master in the ultimate test of gastronomical endurance! What's on today's menu you most likely didn't ask?? Why none other than Shaquille O'Neal's genuine Shaq-A-Licious XL Gummies! Don't puke just yet, you may need it later to cleanse your pallet! (all mouth noises mercifully removed from this episode, you're welcome)

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Eddie Doty to the DOGGZZONE for a few rousing rounds of Muryo Waza! Never heard of it? NEITHER HAVE WE! Join us in a game of madness and menace where none of the points matter and EVERYTHING is on the line! Roll a nat 8 and save a lady with the power of spider violence! Your guess is as good as ours and we suck at guessing!

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway, welcome back special guest, Daniel O'Brien to the DOGGZZONE! Airline safety videos from 2015 would not stop singing and dancing directly at you. Passive aggressive digs at your intelligence and wildly inappropriate twerking tots and agonizing ear worms will leave you hoping your flight never makes its destination!

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway, welcome back special guest, Drew Toothpaste and Natalie Dee to the DOGGZZONE! What does a small fish, some guy, and the front half of a horse costume all have in common? As if it weren't completely obvious, these are but a few of the fantastical creatures that make up Connecticut's Cryptids! Let the DOGGZZONE regale you with descriptions of some of the most fierce- What's that? Beguiling? False? Cockamamie? Do you kiss your Thunder Brother with that mouth??

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway, welcome back special guest, Dan McQuaide to the DOGGZZONE! Are y'all ready for a transgender little person incel prieset criminal Pamela Anderson elf secret? 'Cause that's what you're getting. It's a Baywatch Christmas special! There's plenty of slow motion running for everyone, just like in nightmares!

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway, (FINALLY!) welcome back special guest, Rodney Anonymous to the DOGGZZONE to celebrate the holidays in true DOGGZZONE fashion! You know how aging supermodels are super chill people who are firmly grounded, warm, empathetic and the first in line to spread holiday cheer and goodwill towards all god's creatures, (even the gay ones?) Well hide them from Janice Dickinson, America's shittiest shat. It was this or a Robert Brockway Follow Up Question Special, and he don't take no follow up questions. Recognize.

Seanbaby & Jamie Kelly welcome back special guest, Tom Reimann to the DOGGZZONE to do a little dumpster diving! Oh what treasures were found! Widely regarded as one of the most infamous bad movies ever to be put to celuloid, GARBAGE PAIL KIDS the MOVIE will hurt you. Never fear as the DOGGZZONE gang are here on their ATVs of hilarity to help salve the pain. Get your snot rags ready, things are about to get gross!

Seanbaby & Dirk Marshall welcome back special guest, Mark Mahoney to the DOGGZZONE. You're in for a treat as the DOGGZZONE gang report on what just might be the most thrilling, action packed spectacle of espionage, intrigue, lurid romance and just all around film classic, "BLACKBIRD." What's that? Never heard of it? HOW?? It features the LORD OF THE DANCE! Rectify your crimes of ignorance at once as you engage with what is certainly the most important cinematic experience of your entire life!

Seanbaby & Zack Koontz welcome back special guest, Lydia Bugg to the DOGGZZONE to battle inadvisable robots for the sake of continental dominance and sparse hotdog rations under the looming shadow of ROBOTJOX! Two robots enter, one robot falls over...spies are involved, there's fake baby adults, nut hugging body suits... something for kids of all ages!

Seanbaby & Merritt K welcome special guest, Christina H to the DOGGZZONE to glaze over in disbelief at the monument to ultra violence that is RIKI-OH, the story of RIKI-OH! If you'd rather human guts remain exactly where they are in a man's body, you prefer your jaws intact and unexploded, if you have any semblance of decency left, RIKI-OH is NOT for you! All other perverts, welcome!

Seanbaby & Dennard Dayle welcome special guest, Brendan McGinley to the DOGGZZONE to traverse the obscenity that is 2012's SHOCKWAVE, the breakdancing/wrestling/timecop """robot""" This one hurts, strap on-IN. IN!

Seanbaby & Michael Swaim welcome special guest, Abe Epperson to the DOGGZZONE to play a few rounds of CREEPY DUDE. Everyone loses!

Seanbaby & Zak Koonce welcome special guest, Dirk Marshall to the DOGGZZONE to discover who would win in a fight between the DOGGZZONE panel and some of cinemas most notorious villians, (also the Jeepers Creepers guy) Happy Halloween! We're giving out mouth guards, check it for razor blades... Fun!

Seanbaby & Dirk Marshall welcome special guest, Rodney Anonymous to the DOGGZZONE. Imagine if you will a movie that is 60% fighter stats, 90% lasers, 10% girl and 100% conspicuous butt weakness! It's TECHNO WARRIORS and it IS your favorite movie. No follow up questions.

Seanbaby & Merritt K welcome special guest, Dan McQuade to the POW! BANG! Sorry... To the DOGGZZOPOW POWBANG! FLURP! Golf clubs... bullshit infomercial golf clubs. Watch out, there's one right behind yoPOWWWBAANGGG!

Seanbaby & Dennard welcome special guest, Mark Mahoney to review, "Hard Ticket to Hawaii"! Considered far and wide to be a movie, it is generally regarded and furthermore, exists! Those who love movies will absolutely acknowledge "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" as one! Hard Ticket to Hawaii: "You will believe a snake has cancer."

Seanbaby and Lydia Bugg welcome special guest, Shawn DePasquale to the DOGGZZONE to discuss Dollman 2! Bereft of substance AND incredibly dense? Yes! Demonic toys? YES! Tim Thomerson?? THEY DON'T MAKE ENOUGH DRY PANTIES TO KEEP PACE! Dollman 2 has everything you never wanted jam packed into four infinite scenes. Running time 61 minutes.

Sean baby, Hana and Erik proudly introduce the majesty that is Gary Coleman... in cartoon form!

Seanbaby and Hana Michels welcome special guest, Erik Barnes to the DOGGZZONE to discuss cash grab cartoons, birds... so many birds, AND just how attractive you REALLY find horses. Answer: We don't want to know, (DM us)

Seanbaby and Brockway welcome special guest, Vanessa Guerrero back to the DOGGZZONE to discuss low octane werewolves and their cum plugging moon rituals!

Seanbaby and Brockway welcome special guest and fellow Cracked alum Michael Swaim to the DOGGZZONE to discuss what can loosely be described as a barbarian comic book but can more accurately be described as, SQUAAAAWWWWK!

Seanbaby and Brockway are joined by guest, Jason Pargin, to rummage through the yard sale that actor/director Vincent Gallo's life has become. Deep discounts on his childhood memories, his racism, and his semen! WOW!

Seanbaby sets an impossible task based on his own vanity: Watch the episode of America's Next Top Model where Tyra Banks inserts herself into the lyrics of terrible songs written by models on half a lunch break. Only Brockway and guest, Dan McQuade are desperate enough to obey!

Brockway slips into his paisley blazer to trick Seanbaby and guest, Merritt K, into watching the 1986 movie Heat, with Burt Reynolds. It's a hardboiled neo-noir detective movie, and a Karate Kid mentor story, and also a Jackie Chan style stunt comedy starring, again, Burt Reynolds.

Seanbaby, Brockway, and guest Rusty Shackles celebrate the bonkers Thai martial arts movie Bangkok Knockout, and mourn the several million stuntmen it surely killed.

After three decades, someone has finally uncovered the pilot for the lost 1990s American live action adaptation of Sailor Moon. Brockway shines the Magical Girl Signal. Seanbaby and Lydia Bugg solemnly answer.

Seanbaby shoots meteors into the sky in the shape of a hot dog, summoning Brockway and guest, Dennard Dayle, to discuss Herculoids - the 1960s cartoon about a drunk family and their four godzillas.

Brockway drafts Seanbaby and Defector's Dan McQuade to discuss D.T. in Dawg Territory, the bizarre children's sci-fi action movie created by, starring, and for the 1988 Cleveland Browns. It's about dog aliens, and the Cleveland Browns have a machine gun in the locker room!

Seanbaby foolishly thaws Brockway and guest, Bryan Stratton, who immediately go on a drunken rampage. Just like in Captain Al Cohol, the 1973 public service comic book about the dangers of Inuit alcoholism that accidentally invented the first superhero who fuckin' parties.

Brockway blows a whistle that only dog murderers can hear, so Seanbaby and guest Tom Reimann come running to discuss the 1991 children's dog adventure movie, Bingo!

Seanbaby wrangles Brockway and guest, Lydia Bugg, for the finale of Playing It Straight - the 2004 reality show about hunting secret gays for profit. We allowed this! We did this! There is no such thing as innocence.

Seanbaby invites Brockway and guest, Lydia Bugg, onto the ol' podcast ranch to watch Playing It Straight, the 2000s reality show about hunting gay people for sport. That's really what it's about! It was a lawless era!

Seanbaby, Brockway, and guest David Bell - henceforth known as The Buzz Boyzz - watch their new favorite movie: The Beekeeper. A gloriously stupid action movie for fearful boomers and bee lovers alike.