The Grief Girl

I had the honor of being interviewed by Paul Dolman on his show, "What Matters Most." October is #DepressionAwarenessMonth. I invite you to listen in, hear my story, my mission & through my latest book, "Beneath the Surface", learn the warning signs of depression and the tools to cope. THE SHOW: What a heartbreaking yet inspiring conversation with Kristi Hugstad (find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram) on the loss of her husband Bill through suicide and her conscious choice to make a beautiful difference in the world around this much too frequent unfolding.  She has a powerful new book, Beneath the Surface: A Teen's Guide to Reaching Out When You or Your Friend Is in Crisis, that contains the wisdom we could all expand upon within us so that we could be of greater service to those around us. Kristi Hugstad is the author of Beneath the Surface: A Teen's Guide to Reaching Out When You or Your Friend Is in Crisis. Ever since her husband completed suicide in 2012, by running in front of a train after years of struggling with clinical depression, Kristi has dedicated her life to helping to abolish the stigma of mental illness and suicide. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for recovering addicts at South Coast Behavioral Health, Kristi frequently speaks at high schools. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast and lives in Orange County, California. Support Our Worldwide Mission What Matters Most is 100% listener supported by generous pledges from people just like you. Please consider pledging your support for as little as $5.00 per month… or pledge at higher levels and enjoy perks like a guided meditation audiobook, a library of Paul Samuel Dolman e-books… and more! Full details on how to become a patron can be found at https://www.patreon.com/whatmattersmost. Thank you! Get a Free Guided Meditation! When you subscribe to my email mailing list, I'll send you a free ten minute guided meditation featuring myself with tones from musician Steve Mosto.  Click here to learn more! 1tQ2L9dBPmD3ecoERatU

It was an honor to have Scott Sargeant on my show today. I am so proud of him to have the courage to face and share his truth! He'll have a big impact on the fight to abolish the stigma of mental illness. His story is so compelling and has a powerful message of hope! He seemed to have everything going for him and most men would give anything to have been in his shoes before the suicide attempt.... But depression knows no face. It does not discriminate.  Here is what he had to say about today's episode: “I love doing podcast interviews!! Check out this raw & real conversation today with Kristi Hugstad today delving into my emotional journey and the inner struggles that led to my suicide attempt, and what it took to not only overcome that, but also turn it around and recover from the quadriplegia that resulted from my attempt. It still feels a little uncomfortable and scary to revisit the extremely intense thoughts, emotions and body sensations from 20 years ago, and it can still be hard to find the words to adequately convey what I went through, but I'm so grateful to still be here and be able to to share my experiences and insights to give others hope, inspiration, and choices I felt like I didn't have. As I said in the interview, "if there's one thing I could tell that guy that I was at the top of those stairs 20 years ago, it would be: "just go talk to someone." The podcast will be available on iTune, Podbean and my website next week. Listen and then SHARE! Spread the word to help stop the stigma around Mental Illness. 

Women's Wellness Day Talk - 2019  Key Takeaways from Todays Talk ...  Grief is about loss, not death Grief is a natural response to loss of any kind – not just death. You might mourn the loss of your career when you're laid off or retire. A divorce may leave you reeling over lost companionship or an abrupt change of lifestyle. Addicts often grieve the drug or substance they give up through recovery. Where there is life, there will always be loss. Diminishing health, financial loss, family estrangement, injury or the death of a pet are losses that can – and should – be grieved. Recognizing and working through that grief is essential in helping you live your best life. There is no destination Grief is often described as a “journey,” because it catapults you into unknown territory with unforeseen obstacles and setbacks. But it's important to remember this is a journey without a single destination. Your grief is as unique as you are; there is no universal process that ends with “getting over it.” Just as love has no end, neither does grief. While the pain of your loss will never disappear, it will evolve and transform. Your journey is the process of determining how this grief now fits into your life, and how it will coexist with joy – because I'm here to tell you it can. Don't allow yourself – or anyone else – to put your grief on a timeline or expect you to follow a specific pattern. Your journey is just that: yours. Grief knows no ‘stages' You're likely familiar with the concept of grief “stages,” but I've learned through training and my own experience that these are myths. Just as there is no singular destination on your journey of grief, there are no predestined routes. However, there are many common responses to grief, and recognizing these in yourself can give you clarity when you no longer recognize yourself. Grief is a roller coaster; it doesn't follow a linear pattern. It can hit you out of nowhere when you least expect it. Subscribing to the idea that grief can be neatly organized into phases can be discouraging when you experience regression, which is an inevitable part of the journey. Healing requires mental and physical self-care Grief is a journey of emotions, but you should never forget the connection between your mind and body. Returning to joy requires self-care, both mentally and physically. Sleep, nutrition and exercise all have an impact on mental wellbeing. This is essential to remember when you're in the healing process. Neglecting your physical health can exacerbate the pain you feel after a loss, while the pain of loss can cause you to neglect your physical health. The only way to break this cycle and return to joy is to make mental and physical self-care a daily priority. You will feel joy again Grief can be a tunnel of darkness. When you're in the thick of it, it's difficult to imagine a life where light, laughter and joy are present. That's when it's critical to just believe. Tell yourself you can be happy again, even if you don't feel it today. Eventually, you will. It's important to remember that returning to joy doesn't mean banishing your grief. Returning to joy means learning to feel love, pleasure, excitement and happiness despite your grief. Your grief is part of you now, and that's a beautiful thing, because at the root of grief is one thing: love.

I was so honored to be a guest on the podcast, Kickin' it with Daree Allen last week. A show about lifestyle, culture, life coaching, personal development, faith and fun. Get practical resources and real advice that will inspire you to improve relationships, develop yourself, and handle everyday situations and stressors better than ever. I was able to share my story, give helping tips and offer hope to those struggling with any kind of loss. In This Episode… My story (2:21) Recognizing depression and mental illness (15:35) Asking the question, "Are you OK?" (20:51) The problems with the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, about teen suicide (23:04) The stigma of crying in front of people (28:40) The time it takes to grieve and the "get over it" sentiment (31:44) The stages of grief myth (33:24) What Kristi wishes she had known (35:19)

This episode of |THE GREIF GIRL| was recorded on International Overdose Awareness Day 2017 while organizations around the world came together to spread the message that the tragedy of overdose death is preventable.  On the show, I had the honor of intervoewing Dr. Lawrence Tucker, the Medical Director of Laguna Treatment Hospital. He is a psychotherapist, diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, and diplomate of the American Board of Addiction Medicine. And CEO Gil Carmona, MSW, LCSW, has over 25 years of experience in behavioral healthcare and is well versed in discussing addiction and treatment as well. Listen in as we dive into the devastating reality of addiction and the physicality of addiction, the Opioid epidemic, Opioids, fentanyl and its analogs that are prevalent in Orange County, plus ways to get help and the organizations who strive to make a change.  If you or anyone you know needs help with addiction and treatment, visit https://lagunatreatment.com/  

  For this next episode, we are going to discuss the trending Netflix show, '13 Reasons Why'. I am not here to critque the show, but to continue the conversation the show has started. I am joined with Blake Barber, House Supervisior of the CSP (Community Services Program) Laguna Beach Youth Shelter and Juliet Ekinaka, a former youth counselor at the shelter to discuss signs of depression, suicde, risk factors in teens, triggering events and how to prepare parents, educators and friends to be a good lister for when they ask the powerful question, R U OK? A recap of 13 Reasons Why: A box of cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker, a 17-year- old student at liberty high school before her suicide details 13 reasons why she completed suicide. It is somewhat like a murder mystery, captivating the viewers attention through the 13th and final episode. At its core, it exposes what today's teens experience; drug and alcohol use, gender confusion, self- harm, bullying, rape, depression and suicide. It was not easy for me to watch and left me disturbed for several days after watching the final episode. But I do feel 13 reasons why is very important and I am grateful to Netflix for shedding light on a very stigmatized subject. Listen! As mentioned in the podcast, we talk about #13ReasonsWhyNot  I say these 13 Reasons Why Not to you because I have been on the other side of suicide. I was the one left behind, the one still living with this choice my husband decided.   1. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem   2. You have depression, which is an illness and treatable   3. Depression is a liar. You wouldn't give someone who lied to you the time of day, so why give a liar your life.   4. It's not your fault. What ever you are going through, it's not your fault.   5. Things can change. What you are feeling isn't permanent. The first step to any change is making the decision to ask for help.   6. You matter. To your family, to the people whose life you have touched.   7. You are loved. It may not feel like so, but when you have depression, it's hard to let any outside affection in, but it's there, a lot of it.   8. There is help. Suicide has affected so many lives, and because so, there are many amazing resources for all ages to get the care and hope they need to heal.   9. You are not alone. The way you feel is your own, but so many also feel the same pain. Knowing you're not alone can help ease the decision to get help.   10. You will feel whole and healthy again. I know this because I have seen it in action. When you choose the path to heal, a new world of possibilities open up for you.   11. Relief is around the corner. No one likes to feel alone. No one likes to feel nothing at all. With help, there is hope for such relief of numbness.   12. Time is on your side. What's great about the choice to heal, is that you can take your time. Heal on your own terms. You are in the ultimate control and that is motivating and powerful.   13.You are incredible. You may have laughed at this, but you are. Unique, real, alive and have the strength to take control and seek the help and hope you deserve.   ​If you or your teen needs more information, resources or immediate help, please know it's available! The following toll-free hotlines are available to help 24/7: Teenline (This is a crisis hotline for teens to talk to other teens): 800-TLC-TEEN AFSP American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:  800-273-TALK(8255) ​ Trevor Lifeline (Crisis line for LGBTQ youth): 866-488-7386 Bullying Hotline: 800-273-8255 National Eating Disorder Association: 800-931-2237 ​ National Alcohol and Drug Abuse Hotline: 877-437-8422

On our show, we explore all kinds of grief. Where there is love, there is and will be grief. And when you loose something or someone you love, grief comes in and takes over.  It's been almost 5 years since I lost my husband, Bill, to suicide. And even after, what so many would think is a long time, grief is still there. Popping up uninvited, at random times, sometimes, completley unexpected.  I wanted to talk about grief and loss, about what I wish I'd known then and even now as I continue through my tunnel of grief. I want to share with you that even though the days pass by, and the years add up, that my grief is still very much alive. 

Grief comes in all forms and is triggered by any event of loss; not just death, as we grieve all kinds of losses from relationships, health, career, trust, identity, and addiction. These podcasts are just one part of my mission. A that mission to help abolish the stigma of mental illness, depression, suicide, and addiction. I was put back behind the microphone to pull back the curtain and help start conversations about topics that no one wants to have. For the month of March, we focused on teen depression and suicide. Every day, 5,420 teens grades 7 through 12 attempt suicide. Today's teens have a lot to deal with – from peer pressure to substance abuse to technology addiction, online bullying and gender confusion.  My guest speaker, Evan, shared his heart wrenching story of his downward spiral of abuse, depression, addiction, to his multiple suicide attempts to where he is now.  Evan's story begins as young as seven years old, where abuse and alcoholism was some of his youngest memories. Struggling for the love and acceptance from his father, he began his decent into the harsh world of alcohol, prescription drugs to attempted suicide.  Listen to Evan's story. Feel his pain but know there is hope even in the darkest of times. Evan is here with us, inspiring others at South Coast Behavioral Health to push through even when hope only seems like a distant dream.  . 

In this episode, host Kristi Hugstad interviews two integral staff members of TIP (Trauma Intervention Program) Orange County: Community Relations Manager Erin Gardner and Crisis Team Manager Mindy Daffron. 2:00 – Erin explains the mission of TIP, which is to provide citizens help in times of trauma. TIP's volunteers are citizens who provide "emotional first aid" while the first responders provide life-saving first-aid. 3:20 – How TIP receives a call in the first place: first responders assess the needs of the survivors and call their dispatch, who in turn call the TIP dispatch. 4:00 – Mindy discusses her role as a Crisis Team Manager. 5:08 – Erin and Mindy explain the level of commitment a volunteer makes to TIP. Volunteers work three shifts per month (12 hours per shift). A volunteer chooses his dates based on his availability, and may choose between a day shift or a night shift. Volunteers may not get called on every shift but the readiness time adds up. The ladies explain the differences in day and night shifts, and how TIP is able to offer 100% coverage (they have never missed a call). "No call is too small," Erin says. Suffering and grief take many forms, and TIP would rather be present than not. 7:42 – TIP covers all of Orange County. They are divided into two areas (north and south), and they pride themselves on being there within 20 minutes. The organization is run in an almost military-style even though they are managed almost entirely by volunteers. 10:05 – Kristi asks, how does TIP find volunteers? What kind of person is attracted to this kind of work? 11:25 – TIP OC has 100 volunteers and was established in 1995, and TIP nationally was founded in San Diego in 1985. There are 16 TIP affiliates. 12:40 – The ladies go into detail about TIP training — including number of training hours, teaching volunteers to reframe the way they provide support to someone, etc. (Asking “how are you” is not something you want to ask to someone who's stricken with grief or shock. It can indirectly offend someone. Instead, ask “can you tell me what happened.”) 19:08 – TIP also offers a training program for teen volunteers. 23:12 – The ladies discuss the origin of TIP thanks to founder Wayne Fortin.  25:24 – Kristi asks what care is offered to volunteers and learns that there is indeed a safety net. Volunteers must talk to their dispatcher after a call, and then a call is scheduled with a debriefer a few days later. Volunteers may also volunteer to be dispatchers and debriefers. 29:00 – Volunteers are always on call with another volunteer. There might be more volunteers depending on the size of the call, but at the very least there is always one pair of volunteers per call so that they may offer more help to more people. They are even trained on mass casualties. 31:28 – The protocol for follow-up calls is one call because the survivors need to rely on their own support system and community. 32:00 – Erin and Mindy give examples of calls they've experienced, and explain the "art of hanging around." 37:37 – Kristi asks how a call begins when a volunteers shows up at the scene. 40:15 – The amount of suicide that TIP volunteers encounter is staggering. 40:55 – The ladies explain what a hospital situation is like for a TIP volunteer. They often arrive before family members have even arrived. 42:00 – More details are provided on the next training for both adult and teen volunteers. 46:46 – Sound engineer Paul Robert asks, What is the most important tip for an ordinary citizen who happens to be at the scene of a traumatic event? The ladies respond that "just being there is 90% of what we do." There is no magic – there's nothing to say to fix it, so just being there is enough. 49:25 – What has grief taught Erin and Mindy? Erin says grief has taught her patience and understanding. Mindy says that she has learned that you have to experience pain in order to heal. People try to stop that pain with different things but you can't heal unless you go through that. To learn more about TIP or to make a donation, visit tiporangecounty.org or call 714-314-0744.

Host Kristi Hugstad talks to reporter Greg Hardesty and learns just how much finesse and emotional intelligence are required to get to the heart of the most tragic stories. 1:38 – Meet Greg Hardesty, who's covered some of Orange County's most heartbreaking stories in his three decades of journalism (including 17 years as a reporter at the Orange County Register and six years of copyediting and writing in Japan). Greg is now a writer and editor at Cornerstone Communication's Behind the Badge OC — an online news site that covers law enforcement. 6:16 – Greg discusses his hobby of "ultra marathoning," which is running any distance that exceeds a typical 26.2 mile marathon. He was also an adjunct faculty member of California State University Fullerton and California State University Long Beach, where he taught feature writing. 10:13 – Kristi recounts the first time she met Greg when he covered the story about the suicide of her husband Bill. They discuss his ability to start conversations with people who have suffered horrific losses: by being a human first, and a reporter second. He explains why he wrote Kristi's husband's story. 13:37 – Greg talks about the impact of losing two friends in his early twenties, how it influenced his writing career (he originally focused on business stories with an emphasis on the surfing industry), and how he experienced grief. 16:50 – Kristi and Greg examine how they deal with grief. Greg explains the intention behind his writing, and how he writes to honor the lives of those who have died and to comfort their families — never to sensationalize their stories to entertain the public. 20:25 – Greg discusses the most difficult and memorable stories he's written — including one about a dying teenager who planned her own funeral, and another about the murder of Samantha Runion. 31:30 – Sound Engineer Paul Roberts asks Greg how he approaches victims to obtain the information needed to write their stories. 33:30 – Greg talks about TIP (Trauma Intervention Program), which he joined last year as a volunteer. TIP is a non-profit used by police, fire, and hospitals to provide "emotional first aid" in the hours right after a tragedy. There are approximately100 volunteers in Orange County who sign up for three 12-hour shifts per month (approximately 500 hours annually). 36:23 – Greg describes one of the most poignant calls he has ever received, which was a "NODA" call ("No One Dies Alone") for a 7-year-old who lay dying alone. TIP staffed volunteers 24/7 to be by her bedside for six days. "We sent her off with love — we pampered her and told her how much we loved her," Greg says. 37:45 – Greg explains what TIP training entails. (The next training is in September. Click here for more details.) 39:32 – Greg shares the story of the time he was flown to New York twice to appear on the talk show circuit, but for very different reasons: the first was for his story about Jaycee Dugard, and the second was about a piece he wrote regarding his then-teenaged daughter's excessive texting (14,528 texts in one month!). 42:00 – Greg shares what grief has taught him: to slow down and live in the moment. He ties his response to running a marathon: "You cannot finish a fifty mile race if you're at mile 22 thinking about, 'Oh, I have 28 more to go!'" 43:40 – Greg and Kristi share their thoughts on the concept of "closure." Questions for Greg Hardesty? Contact him at ghardesty[at]cornerstonecomms.com and read his articles at BehindTheBadgeOC.com.

On this episode, host Kristi Hugstad talks to two members of TEEN LINE: Program Director Cheryl Eskin and Intern Ric Tennenbaum. Established in 1980 and based out of Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles, TEEN LINE is a nonprofit, community-based organization that helps troubled teenagers address their problems. Their mission is to provide personal teen-to-teen education and support before problems become a crisis using a national hotline, current technologies and community outreach. Use the show notes below to guide you through this moving, educational episode. 1:40 – Cheryl explains the mission of the 35 year old TEEN LINE, who they are, and what they do. 3:20 – Teens go through 65-hour training program before they're allowed in the hotline room, and are supervised by adult mental health professional who are there as a resource. The trainees spend an additional 100+ hours in the hotline room before they're even permitted to pick up a phone call. 4:30 – TEEN LINE also does community outreach to educate communities about their mission and services. 5:00 – Cheryl explains how a teen can get involved with TEEN LINE as a volunteer.  6:00 – Cheryl explains how teens in need can contact TEEN LINE. They may call 800-TLC-TEEN between 6 and 10 p.m. PST; thereafter, the line is maintained by Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services. They are may also text TEEN to 839863, or go to the web site to contact TEEN LINE via the message board or email. (The message board has 30,000 users.) 7:40 – The top 5 calls that TEEN LINE receives changes over the years, but the top call has always been relationships. Next on the current list are anxiety and stress, depression, suicide, and self-injury. Bullying, LGBTQ, and child abuse fluctuate in the top 10. 8:35 – Formerly a volunteer for three years, and currently a college student, Ric talks about his time as a volunteer, and what training entails. 11:24 – Ric's internship at TEEN LINE involves going through programming and materials to make sure that it contains the latest trends and concepts. He also discusses how he continues utilizing his TEEN LINE skills at college – including teaching 50 peers how to assess for suicide safety. 15:15 – Ric discuss the type of calls that he found most challenging as a volunteer. 16:40 - Teens being able to turn to teens (especially anonymously) makes them comfortable, which is what makes TEEN LINE so powerful in helping teens. 19:45 – Cheryl provides information about their parent education, which teaches parents how not to be afraid to ask difficult questions. 22:00 – Cheryl and Ric demonstrate a roleplay in which Cheryl is a teen in crisis and Ric is the TEEN volunteer. 33:12 – Kristi, Cheryl, and Ric discuss the roleplay, and how Ric appropriately assessed the call and made the “caller” feel less alone. The volunteers are trained not to give advice; instead, they give options. 35:30 – Cheryl explains why more teens are texting TEEN LINE than calling, and how texting and calling differ from one another. 40:50 – Ric expands on why and how TEEN LINE leaves teens with a wealth of resources instead of allowing them to be dependent solely on Teen Line. 42:40 – Kristi sets up a scenario in which a parent needs advice. . . . 45:45 – Ric talks about why he got involved with TEEN LINE. 47:52 – Cheryl and Ric talk about what grief has taught each of them. If you know any teens, spread the word about TEEN LINE! Visit TEEN LINE at www.teenlineonline.org to find out how to contact their TEEN volunteers, or get information on how to support and understand the teen in your life.

In "Stop B4U Start," we meet the founder and members of a non-profit devoted to educating and empowering young individuals to stop using drugs and alcohol before they even start. A national study done by NCADD revealed that more teens are dying from drug overdoses than people are dying from motor vehicle accidents per year. There are 2.5 million alcohol-related deaths worldwide annually—320,000 of those being young people (ages 15-29). With the current system in place, trying to treat those with drug and alcohol dependence just isn't working, so Stop B4U Start is focused on changing that and giving youth the very best chance to a great life by reaching them before there's a problem. Use the show notes below to guide you through this very special episode. 2:18 - We meet the first of our three guests, founder Danny Murphy, whose own addiction issues go back to his childhood. At just five years old, Danny experienced his first overdose when his mother warned him not to go into the medicine cabinet. "If something tastes good, more is better,” he realized at that young age. Shortly after, he experienced bullying, and eventually sought approval by learning to play and excel in sports. His parents divorced, and he started hanging out with the “cool kids” and drinking. He also experimented with pot, which was his gateway drug, and once he did cocaine, his life fell apart within six months. . . . 14:41 - Our second guest (and a Stop B4U Start Board Member) Kim Barro got turned on to marijuana by her babysitter when she was just 14 and had recently lost her father. Not knowing how to grieve at such a young age, she found comfort in using marijuana because it temporarily suspended her grief. Like it did for Danny, marijuana became Kim's gateway drug, and she began drinking and then doing cocaine. For 34 years, Kim has had periods of sobriety as well as relapses. Her addictions have also included pills and shoplifting: “Doing something to distract me from me was a wonderful thing," she explained. 21:23 - Stop B4U Start advisor Kevin Fields describes his generalized anxiety disorder. 26:08 - Kristi asks her guests for their opinions about various drug myths and facts. The first is whether there is an addiction gene. 29:38 - Is marijuana truly a gateway drug? The group agrees that they're seeing a trend in prescription pills being the new gateway drug, and pain pills are leading to heroin use. 35:53 - Is addiction for life? 37:11 - Do drugs really fry your brain? Are addicts “damaged goods?” 42:22 - Do you have to hit rock bottom before you get help? The guests go into detail about what made each of them ask for help, and it's evident that everyone's “rock bottom” is unique. 49:22 - Danny discusses what inspired him to create Stop B4U Start. For more information on Stop B4U Start, visit their web site and learn about ways in which you can get involved as well as view educational films. Follow them on Facebook and Twitter to learn more about upcoming events in the Orange County area.

In this mesmerizing episode of The Grief Girl, you'll hear a former addict's detailed story of his 20+ year battle with drugs and alcohol—including how his addiction began at the tender age of 12, his life of crime on the streets, detoxing in prison, and how he finally overcame his addiction. This story will give hope to addicts and their families, so please share it with anyone you know who needs a message of hope!  1:30 - Host Kristi Hugstad introduces Johnny Pearson, who is now the Drug Intake Specialist at Reflections Recovery Center in Orange County, CA. Johnny goes into vivid detail about his normal upbringing, and what led him at age 12 to try alcohol and quickly move onto drugs. 4:20 - Johnny's problem escalates, and his mother notices that her cigarettes and beer are missing. Embarrassed after she confronts him, he retaliates and runs away on the weekends, and his drinking increases. He begins sleeping in broken cars and his friends' backyards when he's unable to stay at friends' houses, and he starts skipping school and stealing money. He begins to feel sad and guilty when he's not drinking, so his goal becomes to always have the feeling of freedom through the "high." 7:30 - Johnny's progresses to vandalism, assault and battery, and even incarceration as a result of fighting on the street at just 13 years old. He discovers meth, and explains why he loved it. His family hopes he will change and doesn't know how to deal with him, but he continues running away. 10:18 - Johnny explains that alcohol was the gateway that led him to experiment with other drugs including heroin, meth, marijuana, and the criminal lifestyle. He also talks about how he moved on from stealing from his family to breaking into cars for electronics, gift cards, and jewelry so that he could procure drugs. His juvenile years—at least six months out of the year—are difficult: he's unable to behave and stay clean, and at 18 gets transferred straight to county jail. 12:50 - He talks about his life in jail from 18 to 34, and how easily he was able to access drugs. He provides details of the politics of prison, and the rules of race that exist in the prison system—it's a life or death matter if you don't participate. "You can get away with a lot more in prison than you can in the streets," he says. He talks about how easily he was able to access drugs. He provides details of the politics of prison, and the rules of race that exist in the prison system—it's a life or death matter if you don't participate. "You can get away with a lot more in prison than you can in the streets," he says. 19:08 - Johnny's son was born in 2009, and he discusses the impact of becoming a father at that timer—he has good intentions but is too wrapped up in prison and drug life to leave it. His son's mother and his son live with his parents, and that becomes a crutch knowing that they are well taken care of. He feels guilt and is unwelcome at his parents' house. He is able to watch his son grow up only from the outside of his parents' house, watching through the window. 24:30 - Kristi asks Johnny what it meant to not care about life, and Johnny explains that he had accepted his fate: he was good at being a criminal and could function in prison with little effort. He felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness yet he had a sense of "better than" and never believed that he would overdose. He gets high enough that he is in an altered state, and is able to walk away from his family. Kristi explains that it's the mindset of an addict, and loved ones don't often understand that they shouldn't take it personally. 26:50 - At 34, Johnny has an overdose, and after leaving the hospital, he can't stop thinking that his life is passing him by. He has a street bike accident, and ends up with nerve damage in his back; he later gets arrested for possession of heroin, and explains how he manipulated a friend to bail him out. 30:38 - "Spiritually bankrupt" and physically disabled, Johnny hits rock bottom, and his turning point arrives. He decides to avoid living "life on installment plans," and makes a conscious decision to begin his cold-turkey detox in the medical unit of Orange County Jail. 92 days later, he is released to Reflections Recovery Center. The Intake Specialist at Reflections shows Johnny care and interest, and this ends up making a world of difference to him. 36:45 - Johnny explains a "blackout period" at his sober living house, and that it was a "magical" ten days that allowed him to learn how to meditate, journal, reflect, and read. He finds himself open-minded and willing.  39:30 - Johnny answers the question that's on everyone's mind: "Is there anything anyone could have done to make you stop?" 41:00 - Johnny talks about his role now as the Intake Specialist at Reflections Recovery—ironically, the same role of the person who first made a difference to him. He discusses his work at Reflections, and the importance of sharing experiences and stories. Johnny points out that change is very hard for people who are struggling with addiction. 43:07 - Johnny's advice to anyone beginning or in recovery: "If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting." Johnny also advocates Alcoholics Anonymous: treatment is a place to get quiet and get direction, but the time comes when you have to do it yourself, and AA can help you do that. 45:45 - Kristi and Johnny break down a few myths: Is heroin more dangerous than alcohol? What do you do someone overdoses on heroin? Are drugs more dangerous when injected? Is abstinence an appropriate treatment for heroin addiction? Is heroin only abused by older, more experienced addicts? 49:26 - Kristi and Johnny discuss how the heroin epidemic is affecting all socioeconomic classes. Addiction does not discriminate.  51:27 - What has grief taught Johnny? "My grief has taught me what's important in life," Johnny says. He has learned that his problems are fixable, and there's no need to resort to using. Contact Info If you would like to reach Johnny Pearson, you may contact him at Reflections Recovery Center. Do you have ideas for future shows on The Grief Girl, or are you interested in being a guest? Contact Kristi Hugstad at The Grief Girl.

In this episode of The Grief Girl, hostess Kristi Hugstad touches upon the many kinds of grief talking to expert Brad Stetson, who is a chaplain focused on providing compassionate and personalized memorial services. Brad is also an author and lecturer, and has dealt with and learned from significant losses that he shares with us today. 1:45 - Intro to Brad Stetson, whose personal experience with stillbirth led to his current line of work writing and conducting funeral and memorial services. Brad describes in detail the loss of his first child, who died in utero just days before his delivery date. 4:30 - Brad describes the shock in the aftermath, and the reactions of those around him and his wife: "No one gets real training on this and even if you did, you wouldn't be prepared for the trauma of it." He and Kristi agree that sometimes it's better not to say anything—people mean well but they don't say the right thing. 6:50 - Brad and his wife experienced grief differently: she threw herself into work while he went to the cemetery often. He learned that there is absolute truth that "the right way to grieve is your way." He says that there is a great deal of subjectivity to grief, and each person needs to find out what will further them along the road of healing. 7:45 - In the aftermath of grief, you experience triggers, and will always contemplate life milestones that should have happened. Brad refers to Mark Twain's quote: "Losing a loved one is like having your house burn down; it takes years to realize all that you've lost." With an infant death or stillbirth, that loss is realized progressively over time and constantly unfolding. 11:10 - Brad highly recommends that in the event of an infant loss, you should make an effort to bring home mementos such as photos, locks of hair, and hospital wristband. 12:05 - Brad talks about Forever Footprints (formerly known as OC Walk to Remember), which is an organization that he calls a "powerful healing institution" for families who have experienced infant death. 13:50 - He also discusses his book Tender Fingerprints: A True Story of Loss and Resolution. It can be helpful to read other people's stories of loss. Kristi points out that it may be particularly helpful to men because the father's point of view is sometimes left out in this experience of grief. Brad has also authored nine other books including the upcoming Choosing to Survive, which is a collection of interviews with families who have suffered loss by homicide. He explains that choosing to survive is a basic but critically important principal of grief whatever the loss is. It's an affirmative choice to take control of your grief and work through it. 18:30 - Examples of different types of grief: Normal grief (i.e., elderly relative passes away) Anticipatory grief (i.e. diagnosis of cancer) Complicated grief (i.e., murder) 23:20 - Brad offers valuable tools for grief:  Grief groups Journaling Going for a walk Filling a calendar every day with lists no matter how basic because it will help you take control of your daily life and destiny 27:03 - More examples of different types of grief:  Distorted grief (i.e., atypical reaction to loss includes enshrinement and bedevilment) Prolonged grief (i.e., when griever is incapacitated that they can barely function and cannot adjust to life without the person who died) 30:05 - Brad tells us about his experience with a loss of a pet, and how it can affect a relationship between two people. He goes into detail about the loss of his family's basset hound, and how it created marital conflict. No matter what the loss is, you can survive it. “You can do more than you think you can,” he says. 41:02 - Brad discusses his work conducting memorial services for others. He works to honor the lives of the deceased, and he feels privileged to learn about each life and witness the love people have for one another. His goal is to make a memorial service a beautiful experience for the families. He starts with a biographical tribute, and ends with asking the attendees to stand with the family who has had the loss. He also provides tips of what to say/do after the service is over. 46:50 - Brad leaves us with his outlook on loss, and emphasizes that the right way to grieve is YOUR way. He encourages families to take control of their grief. Kristi reminds us that there's no time frame for grief—it's unique to the individual, so don't allow anyone to make one for you. Brad agrees, and adds that there should be no judgment—there should be no shame or stigma. 48:48 - What has grief taught Brad? Compassion. Grief is crazy-making and makes you irrational. Don't render judgments on people after they've had a loss. There's something special and unique about every person we love. Grieving is humanizing—it leaves us to reflect on life in general and find the positive, admirable aspects and seize on those things. 50:00 - If you would like to contact or learn more about Brad, visit www.bradstetson.com.

In "Living with Schizophrenia—Is There Hope?", The Grief Girl host Kristi Hugstad speaks to Betsy Bryant, a mother of three children—the oldest of whom has been suffering from schizophrenia for twenty years. Betsy walks us through the start of her son's disease to the present day and how he has learned to live with it. This is an inspirational and educational story of dealing with an illness that doesn't yet have a cure, and how to keep a positive, healthy outlook through it all. 1:42 - Kristi introduces Betsy Bryant, who tells us about her son Ryan's battle with bipolar psychotic schizophrenic episode II started at age 19. Betsy explains the initial signs, including lack of sleep and voices he was hearing. Betsy thought he was on hallucinogenic drugs, but after taking her son to the doctor, she discovered that drugs weren't involved at all…. 5:28 - Kristi explains what schizophrenia is, and discusses the symptoms and signs of the disorder. Betsy talks about her son's symptoms, which included extreme paranoia that forced him to lose his job, and the intricacies of the schizophrenic "episode." 8:20 - Initially, Ryan thought he was Brad Pitt, and then convinced himself that he was the character Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars. The latter delusion pushed him to drive to George Lucas' home in Northern California and ended up car-less and far from home. 11:38 - Betsy explains that as an adult, Ryan is able to hide his paranoia and live in his own hell privately, and discusses the pain she feels watching him suffer. 13:25 - Betsy examines the pattern of Ryan's episodes and the difficulty in finding the right cocktail of medications twenty years ago. "Our brains are like snowflakes—no two brains are alike." The key is finding the right people on your medical team to provide expertise and help, and continuing to keep your loved one on medication. 15:45 - Kristi asks Betsy to explain what Ryan's diagnosis as a "high functioning schizophrenic" means. On the surface, he is clean, well-mannered, intelligent, but stressful situations trigger his episodes, thus preventing him from keeping a job. However, he's been able to achieve goals such as obtaining a Bachelor of Science degree with honors in just three years. He has also been able to acknowledge that he has the disease, and asks for help when he is having an episode. 17:50 - Kristi and Betsy discuss certain behaviors or "red flags" of episodes. 20:15 - Betsy sheds light on which myths about schizophrenia are accurate. 21:50 - How has Ryan's schizophrenia impacted Betsy's life and the lives of his younger siblings? 24:30 - Kristi and Betsy talk about the mental health system, and the quality of help that Ryan has received when hospitalized (which has been nearly twenty times). 27:35 - They discuss the early warning signs of schizophrenia, which include social withdrawal, hostility or paranoia, deterioration of personal hygiene, flat or expressionless gaze, inability to cry or express joy, inappropriate laughter or crying, etc. 29:30 - Betsy explains her son's conflict between "good and evil" as well as what is delusional or real in his mind. 31:28 - Betsy talks about the time that Ryan had an episode in which he stayed secluded in his room for a week, and how she dealt with it. She explains that there is a lot of submission as a parent of a schizophrenic required to keep an episode from escalating. 35:55 -  Betsy discusses her views on depression and how we don't always know how to identify or deal with it. 39:42 -  Does Betsy view schizophrenia as hopeless? 40:58 - Betsy talks about a new drug called Latuda as well as the challenges of helping an adult son who has the legal right to check himself out of hospitals during episodes, etc. 45:55 - Betsy explains the financial costs of Ryan's schizophrenic episodes. 49:00 - Betsy discusses the possible roots of schizophrenia, which may genetic components and traumatic events. 51:15 - Betsy's message to people about schizophrenia. 52:30 - And as always, we end with the question Kristi always asks her guests, “What has grief taught you?” For Betsy, it's compassion.

In this episode of The Grief Girl, we meet a very special guest, Mark Carlisle, who shares the same mission with our host Kristi Hugstad: to abolish the stigma of mental illness, depression and suicide. Sit back and listen to Mark's story: the origin of his neuroses, the losses of his father to suicide and his mother to cancer, and his successful journey from a nervous breakdown. It's a unique yet story that will interest and hopefully help anyone who has ever suffered from anxiety or depression – whether you're a man OR woman.  1:05 – Introduction to Mark Carlisle. Along with working at Hobie Surfboard and running his own personal fitness company, Mark teaches people to play and live. 2:36 – Kristi and Mark discuss the origin of Mark's neuroses and its manifestations. Mark refers to M.Scott Peck's definition of neurosis and its relation to an individual who is over-responsible for him/herself. 7:48 – Mark explains how he submitted to fear, and his difficulties getting along with his friends as a teenager.  12:35 – Mark discusses his difficult relationship with his father, who suffered from depression. 14:45 – Mark talks about the devastating phone call he received at 26, and the events that led up to that day…. 16:37 – Kristi and Mark talk about their emotions and thoughts after their loved ones killed themselves, and the blame they put on themselves.  19:30 – Kristi asks Mark whether he ever considered suicide himself. Is suicide ideation a learned behavior or are there genetic components to it? 22:57 – Mark discusses learned helplessness. 24:00 – Mark talks about the aftermath of losing his father, and then learning that his mother has breast cancer. (She died just a year and a half after her husband's suicide.) 27:29 – After a prolonged period of anxiety, Mark's nervous breakdown occurred when a severe case of bronchitis forced him to stay in bed for three weeks. This period gave Mark the time to think and loop over negative thought patterns; he ended up going to urgent care every day – not realizing that he was mentally out of control. Mark eventually understood that “neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering” (Carl Jung). 31:12 – Mark points out that so often we do not see “crazy”behavior in mental illness. In Mark's case, he could still function so well that no one realized what he was going through. 33:15 – Sometimes the basic acts of getting past a depressive cycle such as exercise and eating well are helpful but they don't change your thinking. Instead, you must engage in changing the words you use when you think – ultimately changing your brain chemistry too. 37:34 – What Mark did to change his thinking, and the seminar that changed his life. Mark says we have to stop asking ourselves, “What's wrong with me?” Instead, we should shut off the automatic pilot of negative thinking and learn to tell a different story. 40:48 – Mark recommends What Happy People Know by Dan Baker, and provides highlights from the book that explains how our brain processes information, and how understanding that can help us reprogram our thinking as well as how we react to emotion. 45:05 – Mark describes how he starts his day…. 46:42 – Mark answers Kristi's question: “What has grief taught you?” He says that grief has to be a part of the equation, and we must embrace it “but not make love to it.”

Meet Kristi Hugstad, whose husband's heartbreaking suicide by train took her on a journey that led her to her life's purpose: to abolish the stigma associated with depression, mental illness, and suicide. Loss isn't just death -- we grieve relationship, trust, career, identity, business, faith, etc. Grief is not the enemy -- it's the teacher. Below are our show notes, which you can use to help guide you as you listen: 0:00 – OCTalkRadio's manager and sound engineer PaulRoberts introduces Kristi Hugstad on this very special episode of The Grief Girl in which Paul interviews Kristiso that you will learn why she is an advocate for those who grieve. 1:02 – Paul and Kristi talk about why grief is a taboo topic. 3:09 – Kristi discusses her story that brought her to thispoint in which she became a grief advocate. Kristi describes her husbandBill's background: his success as an athlete, popularity, obsessionwith bodybuilding, and long-term use of steroids and sleep aids over 34 years. 6:41 – Bill looked like the epitome of health and his bodybecome his identity. After his death, his autopsy showed the negative effectsof long-term steroid use. 7:16 – How Bill and Kristi met, and together created theAmerican dream that included successful businesses, home ownership, etc. But major lifechanges (i.e., sale of their businesses, a move to Mexico) that Kristi wasexcited about were difficult for Bill. 9:10 – Bill experienced a loss of identity now that he wasno longer a gym owner and lived in a different country among strangers. Itwas supposed to be a fun period – a sort of pre-retirement – but Kristi wasunaware of what Bill was going through. Bill started to become quiet andwithdrawn. Only now does Kristi understand that a depressed brain always seesthe glass as “half-empty.” 11:24 – Eventually Bill's insomnia became so intense that hespent four days pacing up and down the hallways of their home. They moved back to Dana Point, CA, hoping that they would go back to “normal.”She simply wanted him to get back to his familiar lifestyle – she neveranalyzed what was really going on because she was so focused on beingaction-oriented. 13:25 – Kristi needed help, and researched psychiatrists,psychologists, church counselors, etc. Bill agreed to go, but ultimately therewas no “magic pill” to bring Bill back; instead, he was prescribed a medley ofdrugs that “scrambled” his brain. Bill continued to spiral, and began to talkabout suicide all the time. 14:50 – Paul asks Kristi whether she felt responsible. 15:40 – Kristi reached a point with Bill's situation whereshe was out of options, and she convinced Bill to get admitted to the localhospital. What ensued was a discouraging experience. . . . 20:10 – Now at home, Bill researched suicide methods on theinternet and began to show even more serious signs of hurting himself. 24:30 – Paranoia set in as Bill's depression worsened.Kristi became afraid, and decided to stay with her sister for the night. . . . 26:35 – Kristi learns that Bill has been hit by a train,only to discover later that it was suicide – and that his father was on thetrain, unaware why the train has stopped. (Read the feature story about Bill's suicide in The OC Register.) 31:45 – How did Bill's suicide transform Kristi's life? Kristicame to the realization that she did the best she could with what she knew at thetime, and that prompted her to educate people about the warning signs and riskfactors of depression and suicide. Kristi emphasizes that education is key. 34:12 – Kristi and Paul discuss the five stages of grief in the famous book On Death and Dying. Kristi argues that the information is out-of-dateand that it focuses only on long-term illness. She states that those stages don'texist in grief because everyone's grief is unique to the relationship they hadwith that person – grief isn't just death but it can be loss of relationship,trust, career, identity, business, faith, etc. If we tell people there arestages, we will pigeonhole ourselves and expect our grief to be done when inreality there is no timeframe for grief. 37:33 – We experience common responses but there are trulyno stages when it comes to grief. Kristi refers to STERBS (Short Term EnergyRelieving Behaviors), which are things you do to mask your grief. 38:47 – Why Kristi chooses to focus on speakingto high school students in hopes of removing the stigma so that they will growup having a better understanding of how to grieve. 39:48 – She describes the warning signs of depression andrisk factors of suicide. 42:00 – Paul asks Kristi how high school students react toher presentations, and she explains that they each take away something differentdepending on what they individually are experiencing. 43:11 – Kristi discusses her two books, What I Wish I'd Known and R UOK – both of which are tools for people to use as they dig themselves outof the tunnel of grief. She wrote these books to fill the void of the kind ofbooks she needed that would have helped her help Bill. 45:19 – Is grief something you get over? 47:06 – Kristi explains that it's OK to share your story andbe sad as long as you're moving forward and knowing that it's OK to share it.Society doesn't allow us to grieve and discuss openly. 48:35 – Kristi discusses her recovery work and how she helpsindividuals deal with the cause, not the symptoms. Loss is cumulative, andgraphing it brings all the pain up to the surface, thus allowing you to deal withand recover from it. We spend a lifetime acquiring things but we don't have thetools to use to deal with losing something. 52:28 – Kristi announces the subjects of the next threeshows, and how she wants to educate listeners through stories about personalgrowth with actionable techniques and tools. 58:00 – If you'd like to get in touch with Kristi or requesther to speak at an event, please contact her through her web site at www.thegriefgirl.com.

Welcome to the first episode of The Grief Girl with your host Kristi Hugstad! Here are our show notes you can use to guide you as you listen. 0:00 – Introduction to Kristi Hugstad and her mission to abolish the stigma of depression, mental illness, and suicide. She's an advocate for anyone who is suffering a loss of any kind – including divorce, breakup, health, job, faith, trust, and identity – all different things that we grieve. You can come here for comfort and be reminded that you're not alone. This is a place for sharing and healing, and nothing is off limits or too tough to talk about! 2:08 – Introduction to today's topic: Is Your Sadness Normal? with Dr. Hoffman, who is a doctor of addictive disorders and hypnotherapist specializing in helping people move through loss. 3:18 – Kristi and Dr. Hoffman discuss how to identify whether your bouts of sadness are unhealthy. Depression is a process – not a life sentence. 4:26 – Is there a formula for the duration or intensity of your sadness that correlates with depression? Dr. Hoffman explains that it's a spiritual answer.... 5:28 – What are the real symptoms of depression? 6:33 – Dr. Hoffman explains what dopamine is, how it affects your brain when dopamine is low, and how to increase it in healthy ways. 8:20 – How is dopamine different from serotonin? 9:21 – Kristi and Dr. Hoffman discuss how your diet plays a major role in solving your depressive problems. Kristi recommends the “Dopamine Diet” from Bruce Wylde. 10:15 – The significance of neuroplasticity and how it can help us. Your brain CAN grow new connections and change behavior. Dr. Hoffman recommends an article in Biological Psychiatry by J. David Creswell of Carnegie Mellon University regarding mindfulness meditation and functioning neurons. 12:08 – What are things a stressed, depressed individual avoid? Dr. Hoffman explains how the wrong kind of sympathy will harm you, and the significance of resilience. 14:47 – Paul Roberts, OC Talk Radio's manager and sound engineer, asks how big the problem of “grief” is. Kristi explains that we tend to associate “loss” with “death,” but loss is so much more – and we don't have the tools that should have been taught to us as children to know what to do when we lose something or someone. Dr. Hoffman brings up the “family of origin” theory, whether DNA plays a part in depression, and how we can learn resilience. 19:45 – Kristi, Dr. Hoffman, and Paul discuss depression in men, and the stigma of asking for help. 80% of all suicides are completed by men. Men are not expressing how they feel and therefore are not getting help. Kristi explains her own journey and the difficulty in helping her husband, who committed suicide three years ago: she was confused by the medley of prescription drugs given to her husband, and the lack of help from his doctors. 24:24 – Dr. Hoffman discusses the revolution of dispensing pharmaceutical drugs without helping the patient find real therapy. He refers to Joanna Moncrieff's Myth of the Chemical Cure, which demonstrates that antidepressant drugs alone are not valid – they also need the support of a real therapist. 25:30 – Dr. Hoffman explains the differences between psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, and various kinds of therapists. Paul discusses his own experiences seeking help. Dr. Hoffman recommends MadeinAmerica.com and ShadesofAwakening.com – both of which question the validity and proof that psychiatric medicine by itself is a valid cure for anything. A lot of these medications haven't been around long enough to have a proven history. 28:15 – Dr. Hoffman brings up the fact that techniques that the medical community calls “alternative,” such as yoga, meditation, and reiki, have actually been around thousands of years but in reality they are classic...so perhaps medication should be deemed “alternative." 29:52 – Are pharmaceuticals good or bad? The group agrees that medication isn't necessarily bad, but patients need to look into what's being prescribed and understand that medications should be used in conjunction with therapy. 32:00 – Should a patient go to a psychiatrist or a therapist? Dr. Hoffman explains that your health insurance tells you where you can and cannot go, and that it can often prevent patients from finding the right help outside of psychiatric drugs and pharmaceutical options. Alternative help is often not permitted by health insurance. Dr. Hoffman also points out what to look for in a good therapist. 34:13 – Kristi asks Paul about his previous battle with depression, and he describes his insights from therapy. As a society, we don't allow ourselves to feel sadness, and we constantly and mistakenly seek an “instant pill” that will cure everything. Dr. Hoffman explains the clinical name for the inability to feel: alexithymia. 36:51 – Kristi's recap of the big six topics and things that actually work outside of pharmaceuticals: exercise, diet, sleep, therapy, remaining socially active, and being outside in nature. Dr. Hoffman recommends learning about “green exercise” by Jules Pretty. 42:16 – Kristi asks Dr. Hoffman about meditation – people don't really understand what it is or how to practice it. Dr. Hoffman explains that meditation and prayer are very close, and he advocates vipassana meditation: sit quietly, close your eyes, and focus on the breath...and as thoughts come up (as they inevitably will), allow them to pass and return your attention to the breath – repeatedly. You will eventually train your mind to let go, and over time the effects are dramatic.  47:25 – Don't allow what society pushes on us to keep us from improving our mental health. We are always on the go and don't take the time needed to take care of ourselves. Dr. Hoffman refers to Paul Levy's Dispelling Wetik: Breaking the Curse of Evil. 48:38 – The importance of breath: you can only be as anxiousas the depth of your breath. 50:39 – The group concludes with the power of positive thinking,and emphasizes that medication is sometimes necessary but it does requireadditional support via therapy. Dr. Hoffman brings up that Steve Jobs andEinstein were lifelong meditators, and Kristi emphasizes that self-care needsto start early. 55:20 – Dr.Hoffman may be reached at 949.212.4149 or www.soberbuddha.com. Kristi may bereached at www.thegriefgirl.com, andif you have topics you'd like Kristi to discuss on The Grief Girl show, go toher site and leave her your comments!