Composed

hiiiiiiiiii. in the meantime. https://www.patreon.com/composedwithchasebernstein

The end of Tik Tok and the beginning of a phenomenal/discounted hot chocolate. The end of the Nuggets- the beginning of a new era. Thank you to everyone who listened, rated, reviewed and subscribed. We'll always have musical interludes. 

The legend that already is episode 152 was recorded mere minutes after absorbing one of the most underwhelming instances of hot chocolate I've participated in thus far and yet it didn't stop me from pouring my heart into recounting the journey that was acquiring my new phone from a freshly opened Verizon store. All this plus the brutal honesty of Reddit. 

An unprecedented gas station/ car wash, a tire situation and an index card conundrum. Honestly I inspired myself upon listening back on the glorious episode that is episode 150. 

A frayed cord upgrade, driving around in silence, time is an illusion plus remembering a raspberry vanilla swirl frozen yogurt. You know, the usual.  https://www.patreon.com/composedwithchasebernstein

An exhilarating trip to Staples, making eye contact with James Harden, plus forgiving everyone except James Harden for being so iconic. Nothing but the best for episode 149. https://open.substack.com/pub/chasebernstein/p/as-it-were?r=19m396&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

A Duolingo math confession, an external hard drive purchase, a hike in the rain, terabytes. Episode 148, anyone?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0biIAApETo   https://www.patreon.com/composedwithchasebernstein/membership    

The altitude is high and so is my opinion on mini altoids. My journey with gum is assessed as well as a brief thought on fiberglass. No words were minced or diced in episode 147. 

If it seems like I just found an injured woodpecker and drove it to a rehabilitation center in Calabasas it's because I just did. 

Recorded on the brink of purchasing a dry brush from Etsy, episode 145 delves into habits, water fountains, warped floors and Denver Nuggets parallels. MVP me.  https://www.patreon.com/composedwithchasebernstein https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1jG09cGjM8

Need I say more?  https://www.patreon.com/composedwithchasebernstein https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAdlxSbmTRc

Three unearthed crystals. Two hike related narratives, one glistening black Italian greyhound plus a ladybug inundation. Como se dice, we're back. 

Slipping into the new year equipped with Super Duolingo, and two days of French under my belt... truly a high like no other. A tiktok shop hesitation, a free croissant from Starbucks, plus a Pinkberry Rite/Aid dissertation. Typing this having read 46 books last year and sans a shred of jewelry, you'll understand soon enough. 

I've recovered from an illness just in time to enjoy the exotic festivities of Hanukkah as well as partake in an unhinged bagel exchange whilst knee deep into a migraine. The aforementioned carbohydrates undoubtedly gave me the fuel I needed to cover such topics as: Going to a party alone, a candle miscalculation, and a vicious tirade against footnotes and technology. They say people start slowing down in December, which is funny... because I'm just starting to ramp up.   

Sipping a glass of frothy chocolate milk, as I put the finishing touches on episode 140, in which Black Friday is ripped to shreds, my digital vision board is live, a sub par Thanksgiving salad plus "the vanilla to end all vanillas." Don't fight it. 

What am I grateful for? Well, let's see... I'm grateful to be celebrating my one year Duolingo anniversary, I'm grateful for the woman at the grocery store who was on my level, and I'm grateful for my hair length epiphany. What I'm not grateful for is the fact that I was never a camp counselor, that I don't actively own a clipboard, and Nikola Jokic being ejected before halftime of the Nuggets Pistons game. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, please pass the crescent rolls. 

By the time you read this there will be 47 days left in the calendar year, and unlike Marie Condo, we're not jumping ship. Rather, we're emulating the Nuggets in their jaw dropping win over the New Orleans Pelicans last week. If the Pelicans weren't on the endangered species list, they're all but extinct now. Typing this with the freshest hair trim this side of the Mississippi... the other side as well.    

Halloween etiquette, a car wash, a dog at the door, a fabric shaver, John Steinbeck, dolphins, turtles and my dad's Barnes and Noble gift card... which of these things don't belong? Trick question, they all do, to episode 137. Enjoy.   

Comedian Chase Bernstein tackles the minutiae of everyday life in a stream of consciousness filled with humor, observation and a splash of rage. While we love to think life is defined by the big events, ultimately it's the trips to CVS, Trader Joe's, and the special yet forgotten interactions in between that comprise our days. Chase is here to celebrate the subtleties through a genuine and hilarious lens. As one listener put it, "What's the show about? Nothing. Everything. Wow." While another said, "This podcast is ridiculous and I cannot stop listening!" So what do you have to lose? Nothing. Everything. 

This week's installment was recorded with extra eyelashes from my sister's wedding, a place where my mom lost an earring... or did she? All this plus, doing things poolside, nightmares and corn pancakes. Honestly unreal I'm still recording episodes.     

Absolutely needed to be said.    jolieskinco.com/chasebernstein

Recording episode 134 from the depths of my dad's gazebo, sans my glass coffee table (you'll understand soon enough) was not for the faint of heart. Then again neither were the topics touched upon: an excruciating post office experience, surprise parties plus a recounted Trader Joe's interaction that will leave you shaken.   

Plus the emotional rollercoaster of meeting Bill Simmon's during the peak hours of the Lions Gate portal.  Uni Body Serum Code: CHASEBERNSTEIN weareuni.com/CHASEBERNSTEIN  

Recorded in a red cashmere sweater and driven by the momentum of rising in the ranks of Duo Lingo's obsidian league, episode 132 has arrived. Suitcase regrets, bracing for Disneyland, plus a shocking live reaction that will shake you to your very core. Grab some headphones, lay down in a dark room, and enjoy.     

There's 100 days left in the year and what's not on the agenda is being scammed by someone named Tomothy, brown butter lattes or hand sand art. What is on the agenda? Books, ballet and channeling the Denver Nuggets tenacity vs. the Golden State Warriors in the Monte Morris buzzer beater game on Februrary 16th, 2022.  Jolie Shower Head Code: jolieskinco.com/chasebernstein    

A harrowing recap of my In N Out employment journey, a nutless Rocky Road (not a metaphor) plus one of the most unsatisfying meals of my life and the age old question; Who is Desiree? All will be revealed in episode 130.  Jolie Shower head code: jolieskinco.com/chasebernstein

Zebra print, August, downloading the Jamba Juice app, what more you could want from episode 129 I'm not sure.  Link for Jolie Shower head: jolieskinco.com/chasebernstein      

A tropical storm ushers in heavy rain as well as episode 128, and the topics are pouring in in the form of: The case for smaller museums, a top 5 waiter, rehashing the Naked juice scandal, and getting dressed. A poncho won't save you now. 

It's the three year anniversary of the podcast and confessions are made. Many questioned whether I'd make it this far, and yet, here I am, absolutely taking deep dish pizza to task whilst recounting an exceptional encounter with a starbucks employee. Plus, a tortuous, commercial ridden Spotify experience, and I debut a song. Don't ever let anyone tell you what you can't do. Thank you to everyone who listens and supports

Episode 126 is a hearty meal featuring notes of the excitement one can only feel before taking in Taylor Swift live in concert, with notes of Bulgarian yogurt and a potentially groundbreaking observation re: caterpillars/ butterflies. We will not be offering dessert as there will be absolutely no room.   

Fresh off another emotional stint at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, reeling from visually drinking in thousands of caterpillars, smelling incredible via some new scents, and finishing Sopranos in its entirety, I give you... episode 125.  

Recorded on the precipice of receiving yet another rental car... In the present of  havoc reeking parrot interruptions, and a few weeks past 7/11 free slurpee day- episode 124 is already shattering records. Greedy for more accolades, 124 also touches on the Barbie movie, sand dollars, and Uruguay.   

A fireworks epiphany, not being in denial about the weather, a powerful Mendocino Farms lesson, outdated agendas, two parents named Stacey... you know who's not on summer break? Episode 123.       

Recorded hours before a 4th of July Beach Boys concert plus fireworks extravaganza so needless to say but I guess I'll go ahead and say it anyways... emotions are running rampant. As if this wasn't enough: Being upgraded at Jamba Juice, a Sunday wedding, a fresh interlude, and gelato. There's no need to taste a sample, just commit to the unique flavor that is episode 122. 

A self proclaimed genius combination, a black and white dog not named Oreo, and the concept of a book heating up late... if it feels like I'm typing this within three hours of seeing a coyote in the wild it's because I have.     

Dolphins, jellyfish, a guitar interlude for the ages plus the Denver Nuggets are NBA champions ergo, I'm an NBA champion... feels right.     

A not so kind tirade against Kind bars, my mom and her friend Kim's yard sale, a benefit, an underwater related news story plus a shocking confession. 

An update on my flags plus grappling with the identity of summer 2023. 

Snakes, flags, french toast, Jerry, stepping down into a shower... a memorial day weekend for the ages.     

Dinner places that don't take reservations, a room temperature soup situation plus Darwinism. 

Episode 115 descends upon us like a foreign exchange student transferring mid semester, where from... we don't know. What we do know is that much like the Golden State Warriors, the dynasty of my go to Zara heels has ended, there's a new bronzing mist in my life, and I simply can't stop eating Trader Joe's chili onion crunch. There's a lot of podcasts out there, but none moving the needle forward like this. 

I'm back from Palm Springs and I might, emphasis on MIGHT, find the strength to make a homemade lip scrub. The NBA playoffs have me thinking, all this plus hummingbirds. 

All's quiet on the Western front, but on the Eastern front? May(hem). A trip to The Magic Castle, a bloc party, and the post office take place. The predominately white with black patches neighborhood cat and my bucket hat from London have reappeared. Plus a relatable packing mistake.     

If you ever want to spiral into a sea of unwavering darkness, be sure to rent a silver Toyota Carola (year unknown but I'm sure it was a hellish one) from Enterprise Rent-A-Car in Van Nuys. Only then will you understand the demonic trance that took me for most of April. Once you emerge, topics you might want to discuss will be: Heardle, oil pulling, and my voiceover debut in HBO Max's, Fired On Mars, streaming now. This wasn't the episode 112 I wanted but perhaps it's the one we deserve.   

Fueled by several granola bars and recorded at my dad's house, episode 111 covers an impressive amount of ground in the form of a solo shrimp taco experience in Malibu as well as a situation at an Enterprise Rent A Car. If that doesn't peak your interest, not sure what will. 

It's episode 110 and we find ourselves downtown surrounded by cyclists and one way streets (not a metaphor). A passage is read, a saxophone break is taken, a brief expose on an amazon gift card gone wrong is held. How all of this fits into 40 minutes is something scientists will surely study for years to come. 

My hair is snipped and my tide pen is still absent, nevertheless we soldier on with a Wordle update plus illuminating thoughts on balloons, Kacey Musgraves and Dua Lipa. Dua yourself a favor and surrender to the artist formerly known as episode 109.     

It's episode 108 and the cat's out of the bag. "What kind of cat?" You wonder aloud, a calico but it doesn't matter and we have to keep moving because the final season of Succession is approaching, my time with Andre Agassi's book has caused an emotional racket, and I have no idea where my tide pen is... Please keep me in your prayers if you get a chance.  Feel free to use my code COMPOSED20 for up to 56% off your first subscription at Magic Mind in the next 10 days and 20% off your one time purchase at MAGIC MIND dot CO slash COMPOSED, and used code COMPOSED20.

Halt the presses- "Which presses?!" You ask frantically, "All of them," I cooly reply... Brent Weinbach is in studio and nothing is off the table: Eggs, montages, Creed 3, which Ninja Turtle are you? All discussed whilst trying to eliminate the word "like" from my vocabulary, extremely Leonardo of me.  Feel free to use my code COMPOSED20 for up to 56% off your first subscription at Magic Mind in the next 10 days and 20% off your one time purchase at MAGIC MIND dot CO slash COMPOSED, and used code COMPOSED20.

A risky not to mention impromptu eyebrow threading, a bedazzled Jesus loves you hat...all whilst on the precipice of the impending shift that is daylight saving(s) time. Go ahead and put away the games because episode 106 did not come to play.   

My journalism skills continue to flourish, this time in the presence of a Blue Mercury employee amidst a power outage. Rain, toothpaste, a forgotten artichoke, there's really only one place to get all of this, and it just happens to be right here... in episode 105.  Feel free to use my code COMPOSED20 for up to 56% off your first subscription at Magic Mind in the next 10 days and 20% off your one time purchase at MAGIC MIND dot CO slash COMPOSED, and used code COMPOSED20.