War and Peace in just 7 years (WAPIN7)

It's a question as old as time: do nasty old men (who sleep in bread bins) dream of electric sheep?!Not following? Best to probably just listen then…Onwards! ///patreon.com/wapin7wapin7.com/rate

It's time for Book 10 and we're all going to the WAPIN7 school of Extremely-Serious-Military-History! Join us as we try our best to unpick the gigantic brain of Tolstoy and discuss all things bias. Oh, and did someone say "DRAMATIC READING?!" Onwards! ///patreon.com/wapin7 wapin7.com/rate

Get your official WAP quiz quill and parchment out of their locked golden chests and cast your mind back over this longest, and cursiest of seasons. There are litterally thousandths of points up for grabs in the Season 9 Quiz Special! ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

It's time to take a short break from the world of War and Peace and dive even further back in time...What happens when a local family run establishment refuses to engage with repeated noise complaints from a blood thirsty daemon? You very much *will* believe the answer.  ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

Take that, Curse! We did it!! Book 9 of War and Peace is officially finished!It's time to open your favourite box of biscuits, pour yourself a delicious cup of beef tea and sit back and enjoy the mayhem.  ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

Pierre's giant red hands quivered as he held aloft the parchment. He read the words again and again and even double checked his addition. There was no mistake. A bead of sweat fell from his forehead and splashed onto his baseball-glove sized hand. He leant back in his chair and began to rock back and forth repeating the same phrase over and over again, "The Prophecy of Eggbag". When SUDDENLY... ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

Bready or not, it's Peter's week! It's time to pop on your favourite Peter jumper, roll out of bread, and head on downstairs to see what baked treats St Peter has bestowed upon you. So raise a loaf and toast with us, "Merry Crustmas one and all!"It'll all make sense in the end - it always does...Dough-ho-ho! ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

Pour yourself a final cup of mud and saddle up your favourite pig, cow or even perhaps horse, because it's time to continue forwards, onwards, in the direction of travel! That way! Go!It's a good day to die (finally!) - the sun is shining, the orders are ready, and the enemy is present. We've got everything we need for a traumatic, poorly executed battle. Charge! ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

It's raining; it's pouring.The old, potentially dead man, is snoring.Nick went to war and found a pub, When exactly will we be warring?! ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

Bags. We thought we knew everything there was to know about them. We thought we'd been inside them all. But what if I told you there was one more bag, one special bag no one had ever seen before - let alone opened.What if this bag held the power to change everything? Designed by Russia's only human pea this bag could change the war, Andy Pandy, maybe even Napolean himself.Would you dare to open it? Would you dare to leave the comfort of your own bag and climb inside this other bag? Join us this week as we do exactly that - we're climbing inside Bag 10 and no one can stop us.  ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

Ok, so there's one giant bag and inside that bag there are 9 sub-bags. Each of these 9 sub-bags, apart from bag 9, has other smaller bags inside them - think of them as sub-sub-bags. Oh, and these bags are filled with people and each bag, including sub-bags and maybe sub-sub-bags, are in competition with each other. What are the bags and their many many sub-bags fighting for?Have a listen and find out. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

Napoleon, we've seen him wild with anger, we've seen him quiver with rage, we've seen him snuff with impunity. Now it's time to see Napoleon calm as a clam - a clam that also happens to control one of the world's most significant military forces. Fresh from a light ride, and with his full-bodied narcissistic fury bottled safely and healthily inside, clam Napoleon is ready to chat like a big clam.Casual, cool, calm, clam - prepare yourself for the most relaxing seafood encounter you're likely to have this week, with France's most reasonable and normal shellfish emperor. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Fight the curse... with money!wapin7.com/rate

We start with three noble Barry's: Barry the Bugler, Barry the Bodyguard and Barry the Burger (horse). Will the Barry's successfully escort their leader, who might also be called Barry, along the yellow brick road to find out who's behind the curtain?  Will they succeed? Will they successfully stop the war? Or will they each get a faceful of snuff? Whatever happens, we can all agree, it's absolutely NOT like rain on your wedding day.  ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Emerge from the shadows and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

Don't be coconut shy, come on down to the WAPIN7 Fête! We've got dodgems, teacup rides and a coconut shy! Plus an area to sell secondhand goods. It must be fate. Fancy some candy floss?! Well, the machine is broken so you can't have any. Oh, and we're off to war... Again.  ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Emerge from the shadows and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

We're back for Book 9 and boy is this going to be bad! Not the podcast, cross our saucy little fingers, but the world of War and Peace. It's been way too long since we heard from that Napoleon chap and we really got the feeling that he wasn't quite finished last time. Plus we've had quite a bit of peace recently, which makes the title of the book quite ominous indeed.Whatever happens we're in this together, so pour yourself a hot steaming cup of beef tea and join us for Book 9! ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Emerge from the shadows and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

What do you get when you mix the 'wrong type' of bees, a sentient half-dressed bear with a penchant for honey and a child with a gun and a really really nice balloon? Why, you get the Season 8 special book episode of WAPIN7, is what you get!And probably an extremely serious concussion which would require immediate medical attention. Onwards!To Ashford Forest in East Sussex - to be precise. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime!wapin7.com/rate

It's time for the Season 8 Catch-Up Quiz and boy do we have some questions for you! There are pictures of comets, AI-generated nightmare art, varying degrees of slug speed accuracy and of course a question about the Smurfs. How does this all link to book 8 of War and Peace? There's only one way to find out...Onwards!*Cue Gameshow Music /// Full list of incredible slug facts: https://a-z-animals.com/blog/10-incredible-slug-facts////patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime!wapin7.com/rate

The time has finally come - the end of another book is upon us. Gather round slugs, worms, maggots and humans young,  old and slimy as we seamlessly complete character arcs, wrap up storylines, culminate journeys literal and figurative, and generally tie up loose ends in this decisive season finale. The slug square is positively quivering with anticipation, and so should you be too. Here's to one more book, and many more to come!///patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime!wapin7.com/rate

What happens when you add one more side to a love triangle? What happens when one of those sides is an actual slug? A slug who was hell-bent on abducting one of the sides of the square! We promise you this all makes perfect sense. Maybe pour yourself a long drink a take a good slug...///patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime!wapin7.com/rate

Incredibly attractive as they may be, slugs are typically not known for their speed or for their clever plans. Today that all changes. Prepare to meet the slug who has it all... great looks, sure (like all slugs), but also an incredible mensa level planning intellect, and exclusive access to the fastest transport system this side of Prussia. He's got everything he needs, except for one thing - a slug bride, but today that all could be about to change. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime!wapin7.com/rate

I kissed a slug, and I liked itTaste of its slime... surprisingI kissed a slug, just to try itI hope my fiance don't mind itIt felt so wrong, it felt so rightDon't mean I'm a gastropod tonightI smooched a slug and I liked it(I liked it) ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime!wapin7.com/rate

Slugs: the familiar garden beastie known for their gelatinous trails, unsightly appearance and voracious love of salad.19th century Russian slugs were a little different - around 6ft tall they were known to roam in pairs, using their incredible influence and good looks to lure unsuspecting victims into questionable slime related situations.Today we're going inside the slimy mind of Moscow's biggest, most prolific slug and his equally sluggy sidekick.They'll be slugging their way around town covering everything in their path in deplorable, upsetting, slime, and we'll be asking some crucial questions: What do slugs think? What do they want? If they get their slimy hands on you, is there any escape?///patreon.com/wapin7 - Slip into action and support the podslime!wapin7.com/rate

Why does the Devil have a saucepan son and why are they dancing? What's wrong with the King's arms? Why is he also dancing? Why is their world made entirely of cardboard?I wish we could answer those questions but unfortunately we just have more: why is the audience slowly getting naked, why is everyone screaming, will Natasha - or for that fact anyone - ever be happy again?We're off to the Opera!It's all over when the Devil breakdances. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Dance into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

If we want to understand why pure, inescapable sadness has descended on what was once a happy, albeit somewhat violent and troubling book, we must go back in time.Way, way, way back, all the way to Book 7 and ask ourselves some hard questions - what went wrong? Is anyone to blame? Could over indulgence of sauce or other condiments possibly be the culprit? Everything on the table this week, even the sauces, as we go deep into the bottle of sadness to find out just how we got here and how the heck we might get out. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Dance into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

Sure, being sad is sad. We can't deny it. It feels bad, it feels really quite sad in fact.But what if the only way to conquer sadness is to be even more sad? What if you could have so much sadness that sadness itself would become sad and spit you out?It's a bold idea, sadness would never expect that. Join us this week as we try once again to vanquish sadness in the only way left, by flipping the whole damn sad town on its head and sadding things up until the sadness falls right out. It's big, it's bold, it's sad, it's WAPIN7 Book 8.///patreon.com/wapin7 - Dance into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

You thought you knew sad? You know, sad... that feeling you get when you realise you've eaten the last crisp and there won't be any more crisps tonight, or when you have a shower and the hot water runs out, or even when you're on a call and the WiFi drops off and you don't know why. Sad, very sad indeed. But it turns out things can be even sadder than that, things can get really, really sad actually in quite a sad way. So buckle up your sad belt, pack a happy snack in your pocket and join us on the sad bus. If we're going to sad town, at least we're going together. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Dance into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

We're back with a sadness bomb and some problems as old as time...Can frivolous spending,  clubbing and drinking to excess  improve your health, mental wellbeing and outlook on life?What would you do if you had loads of money and lost your joie de vivre? Would you ride an elephant around your town to make your neighbours jealous? Would you cover yourself in dayglo paint, hit the club and read the phonebook on the elephant home?Important questions indeed. There's only one way to find the answer...Onwards! To SEASON 8///patreon.com/wapin7 - Dance into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

The name's Jimbo, Jimbo Secretan, Her Magesty's Ornothologist and best gambler in Britain.  Yes that's right it's time for the final special episode of Season 7 - this time it's a matter of national importance and there's only one man fit for the job. He likes to drink heavily, smoke like a trumpet, and by gosh can he gamble his way out of a corner. The stakes have never been higher, the ties have never been blacker, and the plans have never been smarter than with James 'Jimbo' Bond in Ian Flemming's first Bond book 'Casino Royale'. Grab a glass of pure vodka containing a small olive or other vegetable of your choosing, and join us for an adventure that simply must be destroyed after listening.///patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

 Join us for this incredibly special centenary episode of WAPIN7 - an unbelivable milestone for us, you, Tolstoy and surprisingly the animals of London Zoo. Chosen by our Patrons, the Zoo is of course the obvious place to go for this commemorative - likely collectable - episode and it's the natural venue to host a quiz about War and Peace.  We've got all the animals you might expect in a good quiz plus a few more: lions, gorillas, pigs, smurfs, snails, turtles, ants and even cows.Good luck in the quiz and thank you for listening and supporting the show, we love it, we love you - here's to the next 100 episodes!///patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

GHOSTS, WITCHES, CLOWNS, BEARS as well as the HUMAN BEAN - we've got it all this week, as we descend deep into hell for this final episode of Book 7.You didn't expect it, we certainly didn't expect it, but yes - it's the end (already!) of the Book.  But if we're going, we're going in style: dinner - yes, kissing - check, chit chat with other worldly spirits - absolutely.So dry your tears, put your toys back in the pram, grab a bowl of jelly and join Will, Steve and the actual devil to say sayonara to Book 7.///patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

It is rumoured that Shakira wrote her global smash hit single after being inspired by a perfect bowl of oats. The, now infamous, story goes that Shakira was so moved by the oats that she demanded a harp was bought to the table so she could express her joy and appreciation through music. Upon completion of the song; she triumphantly held her bowl of half eaten oats aloft and announced to the stars, "Don't you see, baby, this is perfection?!"Absolutely none of that is true. How and why does this relate to book seven of War and Peace? We hear you scream!There's only one way to find out...///patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

You know the old saying: Hunt hard, play hard. And boy have we hunted hard.Drop your crop, hang your horn, and swap your hunting knife for an eating knife, because the hunt is over and it's time to party like it's 1799 all over again. We've got incredible new food stuffs, so much alcohol it would make Count Rostov blush, as well as some of the country's hottest open mic acts - all of it in Russia's most secretive, fresh, and diplomat new venue. It's party time. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

It's an age old question: How many dogs would a good dog dog if a good dog could dog dogs? Is 5 dogs the right answer? 50? Would 5000 dogs be a good number of dogs to involve?Tolstoy wasn't afraid of asking the hard questions, and neither are we. So down a pint of your best brandy, rename your favourite horse and join us this week as we go on the hunt for answers to some of the world's most pressing and urgent questions.///patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

One is the epic and unforgettable adventure of a talking bulldog, a talking golden retriever and presumably a talking cat and the other; a tale of a soldier's rather forgettable journey home to fix his family's financial mess. Which is which?!There's only one way to find out...Onwards to BOOK 7!///patreon.com/wapin7 - Strum into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

We've got questions on hands, talking golden Smurf trees, archaic ultra-complicated temperature scales, bad calendars, pirate ships and somehow even a Jazz pianist.  What links them all?  Book 6 of War and Peace.Are you ready to put your WAP knowledge to the ultimate test? It's time to end season 6 on a big quiz bang. *CUE GAMESHOW MUSIC///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

Forks, Washington gets 110 inches of rain, on average, per year. The US average is 38 inches of rain per year.A lot of rain to wash away your sins... Perhaps; perhaps indeed.Forks averages 7 inches of snow per year. The US average is 28 inches of snow per year.Why doesn't the rain want to turn into snow? Spooky. Very spooky indeed...On average, there are 131 sunny days per year in Forks. The US average is 205 sunny days.What is the sun so scared of? What mystical and deeply emotional beings are hiding in the shadows?There's only one way to find out.Time to get into the big red truck and find out why Twilight is the best and worst book series of all time. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

Nothing to see here, move along, move along.It's just another standard week in War and Peace this week as the perfectly normal married humans, Vera and Berg, do utterly expected and human-y things with their normal human friends. Join us normal listener as we peer into their completely acceptable and expected lives. What will we find? Just your average humans doing normal stuff we expect - perhaps they will be having a nice time doing normal things normally with friends, or quite possibly they will be doing their normal activities but completely on their own, which is ALL GOOD with us, as it is with them. They're normal, you're normal, we're probably even normal. Everything is NORMAL, and everything is FINE, OK??///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

Prince Andy is on the hunt for happiness but in order to find it he simply must experience ambivalence, nihilism and straight up unhappiness first.This episode is sort of like a football match. But instead of two teams playing football, it's actually happiness and sadness sort of fighting each other. The winner gets to be the king of all football... Yeah, it's not really like that at all actually. Maybe we should leave the writing to Tolstoy.///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

We've been to soirees, parties, even a casual ball or five during our time with War and Peace. We've watched as The King of Sauce set the dance floor on fire, we've seen kids doing backflips to impress other kids, we've applauded out of fear and amazement as the Blunt Dragon devoured people whole. Truly we thought we'd seen everything that high society Russia had to offer. Little did we know that there was another type of ball. A bigger ball. A better ball. A less lame and more incredible and important ball... The Grand Ball.Join us this week, as we attend the most important ball of any of our lives. Fates, minds and hearts will be made or broken tonight, all of Russian society could change in an instant, the world hangs in the balance at this ball to end all balls. See you there, don't be late. ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

Some marry for love. Some marry for a protracted negotiation around dowry payments, up front deposits, cash incentives and share options. Some choose not to marry because they don't love someone. Some choose not to marry because the dowry payments, up front deposits, cash incentives and share options aren't optimal in the current economic climate and the return on investment will be suboptimal. * Cue Succession Theme ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

Dear Diary,My name's Pierre and I'm in my 20s, maybe early 30s, I'm not really sure. I've had a strange few years, I swapped my wife for a pile of bones and then I built a hospital out of money and sticks. Now I'm a senior guy at a pretty cool secret club, they think I'm pretty cool, but I'm starting to worry all the blood and arguments might not be as great as I first thought. Anyway sleepy now, night night diary,Pierre xox///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

All together now!He's got the rights of the people, in his hands!He's got plump white hands, for his hands!He's got a strange way of talking, in his hands!He's got the whole world in his hands!///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

We're back! It's officially Volume 2, it's officially 1808, it's officially spring. Indeed, the spring has never been springier in this spring-time spring spectacular. Peel off precisely one layer, go for a walk, and get ready to feel the full force of spring's power.Chirping birds - check.Blooming flowers - check.Talking trees - check.This is going to be the best damn spring of our entire lives.///patreon.com/wapin7 - Spring into action and support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

You've been hanging on to that cliff for too long! It's time for us to set you free and reveal the murderer! Or MURDERERS!!This week it's all about windows and doors and locks and nails and hair but mainly windows and locks and doors and did we mention windows?!Get ready for the payoff of to the world's FIRST detective story. You're not going to believe it...//patreon.com/wapin7 -  Would ye support the podcast, me hearites?!wapin7.com/rate

Move over Sherlock, pipe down Poirot, check yourself Miss Marple - there's a new detective in town and he's the real og.This week we meet the incredible deductive mind of August Dupin - a sexy, forceful and profoundly arogant amateur detective cleaning up the streets of Paris with nothing more than his wit, his assistant and his incredible telepathic abilities. Written by Edgar Allan Poe in 1841 it is widely considered to be the first ever detective story. //patreon.com/wapin7 -  Would ye support the podcast, me hearites?!wapin7.com/rate

You look down at your large red powerful hands. You clench one into a  fist and pump it triumphantly into the air! You've finished Book 5 of War and Peace and rightly want the world to know about. "What next?!" You scream."I need more!!"It's time to put your knowledge of Book 5 to the ultimate test. We've got questions about: bones, hands, horses, Smurfs and Freemasons. *CUE GAMESHOW MUSIC Let us know how you do! - email tolstoy@wapin7.com or follow us @wapin7podcast on Instagram 0 - 4 = Dishonourable Discharge5 - 9  = Partial Pardon Over 10 = Full Pardon!!!!  ///patreon.com/wapin7 - Support the podcast!wapin7.com/rate

It's the end of Book 5 AND the end of Volume 1 of War and Peace - and there are just so many unanswered questions:Will Denisov escape the law?Will peace last forever?Will the surfs ever truly be free?Why was that hospital so awful?Will Nicky get an arbitrary promotion for no reason in particular?Where did all those bones come from?Who the hell stole all the biscuits?What was that tiny monkey butler all about? Join us for this historic episode as we attempt to answer all or perhaps none of these questions! //patreon.com/wapin7 -  Would ye support the podcast, me hearites?!wapin7.com/rate

Casual clothes day, dress down day, own clothes day, free dress day, non-uniform day, uniform free day, wear what you want day...Whatever you call it, it might be a day you look back on fondly, remembering that time you wore your favourite jeans to school and everyone said "great jeans". Or perhaps it's memory you've locked deep in your memory shed because of the time you wore jeans to school and everyone else was also wearing jeans. Or maybe, just maybe, you've no idea what we're talking about, because you always, without fail wear a uniform. Join us this week as Nicky gets seriously sartorial as he attempts to use the power of his own clothes to save himself, his friends, and the entire world. //patreon.com/wapin7 -  Would ye support the podcast, me hearites?!wapin7.com/rate