All the F***s

A late-season cold snap brings Jen + Lillian right back to the archives of Jezebel's scary stories! We'll set your spinal stun gun to 'tingle' with tales of nefarious Germans, Amityville apparitions, and sinister Lake Superior. Who wants chili?

Follow your nose, wherever it goes! For Jen + Lillian, it's a walk down memory lane from their salad days at LUSH, a top-secret speakeasy perfume gallery, and the magic of Special Little Treats.

2025: What a time to be alive! Jen + Lillian reconvene after a thrilling off-Broadway production, melt into their couches and watch both good and terrible TV, and grapple with some hard shit.

Hey fuckbuddies! It's a little amuse bouche from your fab fat besties! We've been busy getting Maiden Mother Crone ready for its off-Broadway run, but we're here to invite you to play with us this Sunday, January 19th, for some riotously fun Jackbox Games! If that doesn't work for you, you can always donate to our Fractured Atlas, or come to the show this February at The Flea!

Happy spoOoOoky Halloween, fuckbuddies! Here's to another year on the ol' hayride with Jen + Lillian, with stories to tingle your toes and freeze your bones! But really--is anything scarier than Temu?

It's a new dawn, fuckbuddies--well, maybe? We'll see? Today, Jen + Lillian wax cautiously-optimistic as we discuss the DNC, the agony of confronting your attachment issues, and rage over the decades of buffoonery and quackery that have masqueraded as women's health. Grab your hand mirrors, dive into this episode, and get ready to find your clit!

There's nowhere to go but down when it comes to these delivery apps, Fuckbuddies. Join Jen + Lillian as they break out the Mortified card game, I Can't Believe I Did That, and spin tales of concealed weapons, prom dress flops, jazz hands, and psychotic teachers.

Wrap a flag around you and hop in the Seine, fuckbuddies--today, Jen + Lillian are discussing all things Olympics! From teams who are definitely fucking, to the uncontested Best Event Ever, to the sexual awakening that is women's rugby--your best theatre kid friends are here to make the Olympics hornier than ever. Viva la France!

Ah, summer--let's grab a cold lemonade and let's go mudboggin' fuckbuddies! Today, Jen + Lillian spin cotton candy stories of their favorite farmer's fairs, hometown ho-downs, and county carnivals. We recommend you enjoy this one with snacks, because you're gonna get hungry!

Take a deep breath with us: *Ahhhh.* Feel that, Fuckbuddies? That's the absence of 100*+ heat indexes slapping you in the face! Today, pop a cold one as Jen + Lillian safely discuss the perils of our hottest summers from the blissful purgatory of 81* and cloudy.

Fuckbuddies, what is 2024 Face and why is it everywhere? Why are we still wearing heels in hell? And is Pete Davidson truly likeable? (Answer: absofuckinglutely.) Join Jen + Lillian as we avoid The Thing That Happened and talk about literally anything else!

It's high summer, fuckbuddies--carefree sun, fun, and... Jen + Lillian cowering in this unending heatwave! Welcome to another season (?) of All the Fucks: with even more badass burlesque, queer fabulosity, and titillating theatre than ever before. So jump in a cold shower and let us heat up your summertime!

**NOTE: There's some unboxing happening from 8:00-14:50, in case you wish to skip!** Bring the holly jolly with your hosts, fuckbuddies! Today Jen + Lillian remember disastrous yules of yore, talk perfect gifts (and unforgivable ones), and do some very niche unboxing! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

Happy holidays, Fuckbuddies! Well, Jen + Lillian meant to bring the merry and bright, but instead succeeded in bringing the creepy and horny. It's a Christmas miracle! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

Gobble gobble, fuckbuddies! Who are we kidding? Thanksgiving is *hard.* Being on earth is *hard.* Come cuddle with Jen + Lillian and listen to us re-regulate and re-parent after a lifetime of holiday trauma! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

Now that spOoOky szn is over, Jen + Lillian are nesting cozy and diving deep into some of the best ways to take care of ourselves, through the holidays and beyond. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

Happy SpoOoOoOky Halloween, fuckbuddies! We're back with more spine-tingling tales for a very scintillating Samhain! So turn off the lights, grab fistfuls of candy, and remember that whatever you are for Halloween, you are obviously the Sexy Version. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

We're back from summer vacation, fuckbuddies--and all we got was this darn COVID. Stories of maladies, melodies, and no-undies galore in our grand return, plus: spOoOoOoky Halloween! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

We're fat as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore! (Thanks to IN-209, New York's new legislation protecting workers from size discrimination!) Today, Jen + Lillian celebrate this landmark win, advocate for body neutrality despite being unreasonably hot, and talk a whole lot about the labor revolution that we find ourselves in. And actors--you can be part of it RIGHT NOW! Vote YES to this strike authorization: https://vote.ivsballot.com/sagaftra2023/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

Happy spring, fuckbuddies! What a time to pack up a pic-i-nic basket, stroll through the Meadowlands, and find... an abandoned asylum? Join Jen + Lillian as they uncover one of the weirdest places in North Jersey--Snake Hill. (Spoiler alert: it's basically the plot of POLTERGEIST!) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

Hop in the back and come on down to the Pine Barrens of New Jersey with Jen + Lillian! Don't worry if you forgot your flashlights--the blazing red eyes from the creatures in the woods will light the way! Today, we dish on the trouble with Wife Guys, the many storied creatures of the Garden State, and the bird app that you actually *should* download. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

It's true--we're still back, baby! Today, Jen+ Lillian discuss the transformative EAT, PRAY, LOVE trips of their lives. From nostalgic camp memories to fleeing nuclear fallout, the stories today are cathartic, cinematic, and a little ridiculous. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

WELCOME TO SEASON SOMETHING! What season is it? We don't know! But we've been hugging your ears for 3+ years, and this is a glorious return from a long hiatus, so here we are. Jen + Lillian kick off this season with a boatload of feelings and hormones as we deep-dive into the works of Judy Blume--a woman who wrote your whole adolescence, but who is infinitely more amazing and radical than we ever knew. The incomparable Judy leads us down a path of our own puberties, sex ed, and so much more. (Also--the documentary JUDY BLUME FOREVER premieres on Prime 4/21/23!) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/allthefucks/message

We can't let November begin without one more send-up to spOoOoOky Halloween! We talk Jen's first proper adult Halloween, definitively rank the best horror movie baddies, and try to fight the siren call of maternity pants--all before we chill you to the bone with more terrifying stories from beyond the veil. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Are you ready for another spOoOoOky Halloween with Jen + Lillian, fuckbuddies? We are thrilled to bring back the infinitely creepy Jezebel stories, true tales from dubious dating apps, chilling chateaus, and--as ever--fucking Florida. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

While convalescing bedside--respectively from un-COVID and knee surgery--Jen + Lillian wax rhapsodic about high school reunions, the joy of Amazon Slime, and exciting fat representation on TV. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

After an impossibly frought and endless sojourn in the Midwest, Jen finally rejoins Lillian in the land of the ̶f̶r̶e̶e̶ pizza--New Friggin' Jersey. Listen to a tale of an unbelivable move that gets more and more bonkers as we go! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Yes we know it's been 5 weeks, but have you seen planet Earth recently? THIS PLACE IS BONKERS. Catch up with Jen + Lillian right before things went absolutely hogwild (why yes, that is an early tidbit of next week's episode) as they process some of the most fascist, doom-mongering shit 2022 had to throw! But there is a silver lining... and it tastes like Jamba Juice. -- Want more information on fake clinics? Click here! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Here it is, your first brand new episode from Jen + Lillian! There's no theme today, fuckbuddies--just two best friends who haven't done a full "I can't even" download for seven whole months. Learn about why we've been gone, Southern colonial dinner fare, and who's getting hot and heavy (spoiler: it's a puppy!). --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

In a final unaired episode, Jen + Lillian explore their journals from their first intrepid days in the world as Grown-Ups (read: freshly 23, and brand-new in New York City with a BA in Theatre Arts). And oh boy, does the Big Apple have some adventures in store for these two young, green, pie-eyed gals. Get ready for tales of questionable student films, early days of Ani DiFranco, and all the multi-level ̶c̶u̶l̶t̶s̶ marketing you can handle! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

What smells like Sun-Ripened Raspberry? In this unaired episode, Jen + Lillian return to their hometown malls of yore: neon-laced atriums with Corndogs on a Stick, Suncoast Video--and a Wet Seal, if you were really lucky. Long live our abandoned pigeon palaces! (Related: The Life and Death of the Phillipsburg Mall) --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Jen + Lillian are BACK, Fuckbuddies! And to kick off a brand new season (?), we present to you Jen's favorite format: My Best Friend's Best Friend. Today, meet Kay Koch, the Jim Henson to Jen's Frank Oz. Kay and Jen wax rhapsodic with Lillian about walrus fails, chivalrous sheep, and how many pelvic exams are too many? | The Weirdos Next Door --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

OKAY SO WE KNOW THIS IS WEIRD. We know it's been 196 days since we checked in, said hello, kept you company in the car-shower-kitchen-dark. Lots of you are asking: is All the Fucks over? Nay, fuckbuddies--WE ARE BACK! We're here, we're queer, we're taking our meds and trying our best! Get ready for the return of your (we hope favorite) rad fat fairy godmothers as they process a whole lotta life and trauma together. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Fuckbuddies, it's Lillian's birthday! Join Jen + the birthday girl as Jen paints a glorious picture of Capricorn Excellence, we reflect on some of the best internetting for our mental health, and we chase our desires for the year ahead. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

What's that, fuckbuddies? The world is one giant FOX Christmas tree on fire? Let Jen + Lillian distract you with a great big Dollop of Christmasy proportions--1986's BABES IN TOYLAND, starring an eerily on-the-brink Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves in his most adorable role of all time! And if you haven't seen this epic, traumatizing gem, don't wait one more moment--it's on Prime right now. You're welcome. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Fuckbuddies, we know--it's shaping up to look like another superspreader Christmas. Whether you are hunkering down, testing positive, or avoiding a long-awaited flight, Jen + Lillian are here to bring you a little bit of comfort and warmth, and a reminder that not absolutely everything this year was horrid. As we remember our high points of 2021, we encourage you to take inventory of the blessings that may have befallen you this year. Stay safe, be well, and happy holidays, everyone! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

LOLOL. Well fuckbuddies, what more do you expect from our second Christmas in quarantine?! A journey down Kris Kringle lane gets interrupted by a tech snafu, and Jen cobbles together something for your virtual stockings from the peaceful oasis of Newark Liberty Airport. Ho Ho Ho! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Welcome back, fuckbuddies! Ever mock up a hall pass or fake a headache to get out of dodgeball? Today, Jen + Lillian reflect on those seemingly innocuous childhood tendencies that, frankly... should have warranted a bit more adult intervention. With our collective goldfish memories, social withdrawal and chronic IBS, the kids are not, in fact, all right. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Fuckbuddies, Tom Turkey brought us all a glorious Thanksgivukkah gift: he brought together bestest sisters-from-another-mister BFFs, Lillian and her other half, Shanna Bowman. Lillian and Shanna go way back, and Jen couldn't pass up the opportunity to do our first episode of MBFBF--a microseries where we share stories with one of our oldest, nearest, and dearest friends. Listen for pure glee, including stories of renaissance faires, feral wolves, and KMart hijinx! (And little-known Muppet holiday specials.) --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Hi friends! A special note from Lillian. Jen and I have some big smushy content for you, but we also want to acknowledge that for many indigenous people, what we call Thanksgiving is a day of mourning. If this is on your heart today, I'd like to tell you about my friend Sky. They're Mikmaq and identify as Two Spirit (a term used by indigenous folks who reject Western gender binaries) transgender, and they're an incredible artist and lovely soul, they live with chronic pain, and they were displaced from their home along with their partner Ian. For over a year, these two talented, unique, artistic queer folks have been living a nomadic life that's been very difficult to sustain, and only have a safe place to stay until December. If you've ever wondered how you could directly help someone indigenous who's been screwed over by our system, here's your chance. I hope you'll look them up at https://www.patreon.com/agentskyhouse or help them out directly at  cashapp: $agentskyhouse Venmo: their partner Ian at @encryptedritual From Sky's Patreon update: "Losing another home as it collapses into healing or oppression, not safe to stick around and see how it turns out, & I'm too much of a compassionate cutie to let windigo suck me into a stress spiral. Sub, tip, share, gift. Support this Mi'kmaq 2Spirit in their puoinaq'jij work of freeing all relations from oppression (and in turn, support their partner of 13 years, and their 3 senior animals). " Miss you, Sky and Ian. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Jen + Lillian brought snacks and sleeping bags! It's just us today, and wow, has it been a long time since we just sat together and talked. Today, we revisit poking at our socio-economic upbringings--our privileges and pitfalls, both real and perceived. We talk moms making magic, toys we cherished, and the things we could never have. We also wax rhapsodic about all the TV we haven't talked about, as well as the most important YouTube video that's ever existed. (Also, happy birthday Dreading the Boards! Are you listening yet? It's SO GOOD!) --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Jen + Lillian are back with a friend! Meet storyteller, dirty talker, and dildo slinger Dirty Lola--host of NYC's live show SEX ED A GO GO! Lola is a proud sex edu-tainer, making sex ed fun and empowering. Lola tells us all about growing up in the South, '90s diet culture, being out and brilliantly queer as a NYC teen, and dabbling in Twitter After Dark. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Upper East Side paparazzi! Covens of Stepford children! Strange moneypit museums! The Shah of Iran! This one has everything, it's weird, it's complicated. Jen + Lillian haven't even really scratched the surface. But today, we try to give you a nuanced look at the way we perceive class and privilege as children; the imaginary trappings that felt SO important, and the mundane structures that were nowhere to be found. Also, we talk Serious Influencing Business about some of the best (and most ridiculous) underwear on the market. It's a whole journey!!! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

It's spOoOoOoky Halloween! Jen + Lillian prepare for a weekend of candy and frights, sharing some of their best horrific recommendations and diving into the Jezebel Halloween archives once more. Don't forget your night light! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Crawl into our blanket fort, and don't forget your flashlight--because tonight, Jen + Lillian are telling you some truly mortifying tales from all across New York! From questionable theatre in the village to a city slicker dude ranch in New Paltz, we share some particularly cringe-worthy diary entries (before the lights go out and we tell you ghost stories!). But the scariest one of all? Why, a house full of Gary Busey, of course. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

It's October! And you know what that means—putting off dentist visits, perpetually remembering and then forgetting that you hate candy corn, and listening to Jen + Lillian tell you stories that rob you of your precious sleep. This week, we spin you a tale of the skinwalkers of Virginia, ne'erdowell maintenance men, and just how brainwashy LuLaRoe had to be to convince anyone that those dresses were cute. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

It's October, and you know what that means, fuckbuddies--time to get spoOoOoOky with Jen + Lillian! We have some thrilling stories just for you--but in this calm before the storm, enjoy the last beautiful, ethereal installment of Francesca Lia Block's NECKLACE OF KISSES. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Today, we're going to tell you about—hey wait, did you see this true crime special? What about this epic cult takedown? Surely you must have seen the multi-level marketing miniseries?! Jen + Lillian get sidelined by so much good television and strange cinema it will make your head spin, along with the return of Broadway, champion ferrets, and the unfortunate intimacy of a dog sneeze. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Jen + Lillian are all in their feelings today, so we're taking you back to the Pink Hotel for some more adventures with Weetzie Bat. But before we do, we explore the insidiousness of sex cults, tinkling when you sneeze, and—can we just talk about the missed opportunity that is LULA RUH-ROH? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Let Jen + Lillian take you behind the velvet curtain today for a backstage pass to some of our cringiest theatre memories! From unlicensed musical snafus, to tyrannical directors, to giant dancing vulvas—we regret it all, fuck buddies. Encore, encore! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message

Jen + Lillian whisk you back to pink smoggy Los Angeles to continue Francesca Lia Block's NECKLACE OF KISSES. But before we do, can we just talk about horror comedy and why it is the perfect genre? Unrelated, currently seeking looms in gently used condition. Inquire within! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/allthefucks/message