Banter for All

The boys are back in town, away from each other! To bring calm to the corona chaos, Mike, Rustin and Justin are back after a 16 month hiatus to tell you how to live your best quarantined life now - drafting from 10 different categories including TV series to binge, smartest thing to hoard, and a new hobby to learn in all your newfound spare time. Enjoy from our living rooms to yours!

Uh-buh-DEE, uh-buh-DEE, uh-buh-DEE, uh-buh… that’ all, folks! In our final episode (at least for this “season”) the boys bid adieu to the banter-verse by talking about what they’ll most love and hate to leave behind, favorite pod moments, the GOAT BOTM and for one last time draw a random trivial pursuit card and play Would You Rather. Mike throws the kitchen sink at burning loins, Justin hates on paper bags, Rustin pimps some babies, and the boys put their three heads together to dump a hypothetical girl.

Welcome to Iceland! In this frigid forum, the banter boys breakdown this tiny, McDonald’s-less island by discussing what it would be like to travel with the Vikings who discovered it, eating ram’s testicles, Iceland’s famous hot dogs (and what goes on them) and how to murdered there. Mike gets sneak(ered) attacked by a wave, gets swindled by some theft insurance, and Justin hugs his Keurig.

Born in the U.S.A., this pregnant pod births a gem – with a temporary host and his expert sister who walk our three pod pals through the most magical (and at times terrible) process known to mankind. The quartet tackles how many kids they want, baby movies and the male equivalent to childbirth (spoiler: Rustin’s is gross). Justin conducts a Persian wedding, Mike passes a kidney stone, and Rustin is REALLY nervous about fatherhood.

Enrollment is open! In this tuition-free episode, the boys have a collegiate conversation about what’s overrated and underrated in the world of post-high education and relive Rustin’s university days. Justin eats a Cream Slush, Mike can’t build a house, and Rustin is inadvisably being trusted with teenagers.  

We’ve got some banter up our sleeve! In this magical movement the banter boys compare Harry Potter and the Marvel Universe, decide if they believe in magic, and show off an unforgettable illusion (Michael) at a child’s birthday party. Mike exposes Superman, Rustin tries to unite our political parties, and the Great Justin Extraordinaire sets a kids’ pants on fire.

Can you spell b-a-n-t-e-r? You may have heard the buzz, but in this un-BEE-lievable episode, the boyzzzz give a nod to America’s actual favorite past time: the Spelling Bee. We look at crazy British spellings, Bee Trivia, forcing kids to do things, spoonerisms, and the most annoying voice ever heard. Justin gets called “Frankenstein” by a 2nd grade girl, Rustin’s dictionary is drowning, and Mike plays the llama’s booty.

Race ya to Camp Town! In this ode to the outdoors, the boys break down toilets on the backs of cars, pie irons, Campy movies and whether or not to bring a pillow. Mike loves pooping in the woods, Rustin struggles with arts and crafts time, and Justin just wants a cold hot dog.

G’day, mates! In this episode Down Under, the blokes breakdown all things Australia. When it comes to Aussie slang, it’s chockers in here! Don’t split the dummy or get your budgie smugglers bunched in your tracky dacks, ‘cause we’ve also get some Australian cuisine and celebrities to break down. If you’re a two-pot screamer, you may need to take a sickie to absorb show, fair dinkum. Mike twirls in his office chair, lays down the beetroot and Justin throws some square wombat poop.

Happy 50th show! What’s in a name? Come find out! In this signature ‘sode the boys break down their own names (and attempt to say them backward), chose between awful baby names (and assign a few to Rustin’s bun in the oven) and celebrate chimichangas, for many reasons. Rustin wants a chinchilla, Mike can’t find his roots and Justin wants his name to be sung. Little Sweetmeat for all!

This banter prospers, cuz it never cheats! In this admittedly shady show, these tricksters chatter all things cheating. Rustin leads Mike and Justin into a Quest Side Story, sneaking into the principal’s office, Mike tests their limits of cheat (That’s Too Man, Man!) and Justin gives presents a Steroid-riddled version of Would You Rather. Mike advocates for polygamy, Justin is jacked about U-Scan at Safeway and Rustin, well, this about questionable morals… you do the math.  

There’s a spring in our step! In this vernal version, the boys banter over spring break plans and pick out their favorite Easter pets. Mike gets grossed out by Mae West, Justin is terrified of bunnies and Rustin gets to go to Spring Training.

There’s no need to fear, the underdogs are here! In this ‘sode for Cinderellas, the boys tackle upsets: David over Goliath, the tortoise over the hare, and John McClane over pretty much everyone. The boys pick their own March Madness bracket, talk upset stomachs and things that just make them plain upset. Rustin almost dies in Rome, Justin hates how you hate your bracket and Mike pull off the greatest upset ever: student body president.

Yabba Dabba Doo! In this animated airing, the boys chisel out their Mount Rushmores of all-time favorite cartoons, take a Sporcle toon quote quiz and let the Simpsons tell the future. Emotional hamsters are flushed down the toilet, Justin comes around to Winter Olympic love, and Rustin hates on Mike’s softball board.

Scrub up! In the cleanest episode to date, the Banter Boys break down appropriate urinal usage, Tide Pods and bathing in Indonesia.  Rustin’s secret poop spot gets outed, Mike wants to fart green and Justin may get cancer but at least his arms are dry.

Goeie Dag, everyone! Welcome to Namibia, Africa, where the banter is ready to go on safari. In this show, we learn Trump can’t pronounce the country’s name correctly, Mike wants to hang out with the free-roaming Cheetahs, and Rustin wants to sandboard down the Namibian dunes at 50 mph. Mike loves outdoor restrooms, Rustin is top secret about his own favorite squat spot and Justin just wants those powerful hand dryers.

You can’t handle the truth of banter! In this no-faux fo sho show, the boys decide if truth should be absolute or relative, learn Jim Carrey was almost Dr. Evil, and take a crack at some spoonerisms (and may or may not trying spooning together). Rustin’s a dirty liar (shocker), Mike wants to give it to ya straight and Justin and Rustin fear they might get fired from an upcoming job they’ll be doing together.

Let’s get pumped up! In this gaseous rendition of bantering the fellas learn about all about the third state of matter, whether it be in your pump, digestive tract or threatening to wipe out mankind. Mike thinks he could be a beef jerky kleptomaniac, Rustin is a pepperoni stick connoisseur (no, I swear we talked about gas) and Justin climbed a mountain only to be severely disappointed (and went broke). 

Hope you saved room for dessert! In this sugary show the bows learn about the origins of desserts, draft their own favorite desserts, and learn about sweets of the future. Rustin gets punched by a computer screen, Mike is hatefully sour on caramel, Clint Eastwood is the savior of ice cream and Justin picks a fight with Mike’s mother-in-law.

Feliz Navidad! Dashing through our second annual Christmas extravaganza, we break down the hottest toys of 2017, draft our perfect Christmases, exchange gifts verbally, offer Christmas life hacks and decipher the naughty and the nice of Christmas. Justin gives a shout out to his Peeps, Mike offers to hang lights for the ‘ustins and Rustin gets the same game system 25 years apart.

It’s raining men on a podcast! In an all-weather episode, the boys break down weather-related movies, have a Dairy Queen Blizzard draft (spoiler: Reese’s goes undrafted) and talk crazy weather phenomena like ball lightning and St. Elmo’s Fire (no, not the movie). Justin can’t remember weather or not he was in a tornado, Mike and Rustin harbor umbrella hatred and everyone recommends a relatively obscure 90’s sitcom to binge watch.

Greetings, groupies! Come on in the garage and join the band! In this amplified episode, the boys learn the difference between an oboe and a bassoon, talk non-musical bands and write a break up song. Rustin quits the band, Mike wants to drive the bus, and Justin wants to be a doo-wop girl.

San Ban Ooh! (Hello, in Mongolian) In this landlocked episode, the boys jump on their horses and ride deep into the Mongolian steppe. The boys consider eating sheep eyeballs, ice cream in intestines, living in yurts, throat singing and joining Genghis Khan. They also offer some Thanksgiving eating tips you won’t wanna miss. Rustin can’t live without Taco Bell, Justin literally takes a horse to water but can’t make it drink, and Mike doesn’t wanna hear you whining about winter.

It’s Boo-nter for All! In this haunting Halloween special, the boys are joined by Jerry Seinfeld, talking Halloween history, draft their favorite Halloween night (costumes, candy, scary movies), fill in some trick-or-treat blanks in a new segment with Rustin and make some spook speculations in Would You Rather. Mike wants to punch trick-or-treaters in the face, Justin thinks he can take a vampire and Rustin has a Halloween experience he just flat doesn’t wanna talk about.

Hola, hoop heads! It’s a Round Ball Rock marathon as we break down the upcoming NBA season in our longest episode to date. The boys predict the over/under win total for all 30 teams, as well as enjoying some NBA trivia and recommend their favorite basketball movies. Hang on – it’s a deep dive for NBA nerds!

Ahoy there! It’s arrrrrrrrrr most swashbuckling episode to date. Mike drops some pirate trivia knowledge on your brain, Rustin finds the Best Words and Justin finds the “would you rather” he’s been waiting for all along. Justin gets a tattoo on his butt cheek, Mike wants big ears and Rustin wants to be keelhauled.

Live, from Hollywood! It’s unscripted banter on reality television. Justin bust out a Reality TV bracket, voting on their all-time faves, Mike’s loins are REALLY burning, and Rustin goes Espanol.

WARNING: If you love the NFL and geeky analysis, this is the show for you! If not, you may want to skip this one: the power is YOURS! Our "Banter for Ball" track will be for the sports enthusiast.  Guest host Rustin quarterbacks the discussion as the boys prediction division winners, determine which teams need to panic and decide the fate of the bottom dwellers. Also on the table, favorite NFL names, childhood football love and which fantasy sport is truly the best? 

The best part of waking up is this pod (cast) in your cup! In this espresso’d episode the boys invite an local expert, Elaina the Barista, to have it out over tipping at coffee shops. We learn about the origins of coffee (involving goats and monks), Mike’s personal coffee habits and some caffeinated factoids with Rustin in a mini game bonanza (did you recognize the drop?). Justin discovers the meaning of generosity, Rustin struggles with coffee puns and Mike finds his soul mate: Christian Bale.

You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a smooth criminal episode! In this edition, the bandits of banter steal your laughs through contemplating why men vastly outweigh women in “criming”, Justin and Mike break into an Illinois castle, and they consider which famous criminals would make good next door neighbors and high school basketball team moms, and who would win in a fight: the Unabomber or the Hamburglar? Mike wants to befriend serial killers, Justin can’t do calendar math and Rustin brings some fortune cookies.

Good morning class! Welcome to Banter Elementary, where your three talkative tutors guide you through a “best school day” draft, try to outwit a 5th grader and spend their lunch money wisely. Mike longs for the days of tackle football at recess, Rustin is a Times Table demi-god and Justin is scarred by some macaroni and pantyhose.  

Tray tables upright and locked, cuz we’re taking off into the wild blue yonder! The boys take airplane food, airplane movies and etiquette in flight. Justin can’t eat Crunch Wrap Supremes anymore, Rustin hates on Wilbur Wright and Mike just wants everyone to sit down and shut up.

Sun’s out guns out! It’s summer time, and the fellas are jumping into the prattle pool. The boys consider body paint and wearing bikinis in Walmart. Rustin hates the sun and everything good in this world, Mike has bugs in his unmentionables and Justin gets his bike stolen, left standing in his socks and sandals.

To succeed or to suck: that is the question. The banter boys define and compare success and failure, choose mystery dates, and take a quiz on famous losers. Rustin has Cheeto dust fingers, Mike dates the Unabomber and Poison Ivy (and Garfield), Justin goes Ravenclaw but is in love with a Gryffindor and Justin and Rustin make a drug deal.

Let’s put another shrimp on the Bar-B! In this carnivorous edition, the guys have the ultimate meat lover’s bracket, determining the best meat of all time, and in an historic moment, the boys go international, calling Rustin while vacationing in Greece. Rustin eats some fish testicles, Mike eats a rotting snake, and Justin is a pork chop hater.

We hope this episode won’t disappoint our fathers. Celebrating their one year anniversary, the boys pick their favorite TV dads, worst movie dads, try to guess random facts about Rustin’s dad, and offer advice to their future hypothetical children, including what to do when you fart on a bus. Rustin admits to messing his pants and wishing Inspector Gadget was his father, Justin wants REAL fun sized candy bars, and Mike rocks a fanny pack.

Get out your crayons! In our most colorful podcast to date, the guys draft their favorite color schemes (ladies be ready to mock), figure out what’s going on with gingers, and play some Family Feud. Rustin shows his true colors of love for the Power Rangers, Justin can’t tell the Olsen twins apart and Mike is rocking some overall bibs (shirtless, of course).

Let’s all go to the lobby and banter! The following preview has been approved for no audience of any age: in this theatrical thriller, the boys reminisce about better times back in their day, marry/friend zone/restraining order certain aspects of the movies, as well as reel off a cinematic version of Ew! Rustin hates LeBron James, Justin hate’s Binkley’s roundabouts, and Mike is throwing people under the bus like it’s going out of style.

It’s a robot invasion! Special guest and resident tech expert Patrick joins the banter boys as they flex their artificial intelligence. Play along as they invent AI movie sequels, take a AI movie quiz, draft their own robot teams and decide if they’d rather have bionic arms or legs. There is an epic fail in a new segue idea, Rustin hates on sweet potatoes, Justin and Mike want new robot legs and Patrick is a manicotti man.

Hello from the other side… of the slammer! In this show without parole, the boys break down prisons of their own mind, decide what they’d want for their last meal and hear horrible reviews of prison movies. Justin almost gets kicked out of a mall for mocking children falling down ice skating, Mike loves Phineas and Ferb, and Rustin has a brush with the law after an aquatic breaking and entering.

Enter Sand Men… for a good night banter! In this sleepy show, the Mike makes the case for sleeping on the floor erry night, Rustin get flabberghasted at black and white dreams and Justin wants to know if you’d rather have insomnia or night terrors. Mike desperately wants struck by lightning, Justin throws around snoozing ex-girlfriends and Rustin gets jealous of birds.

There’s a fire sale at Banter Mart! In this show, the boys take a crack at pricing objects from Fred Meyer, burn their loins on shopping, and decide why people love the pastime so much. Justin hates Safeway, Rustin spots Donald Trump in the theatre, and Mike’s about to throw down with a lady in the checkout line.

There’s no need to fear, the Banter Boys are here! In this phobic edition, the fellas tackle some trembling trivia, start a bidding war for gross food, and rank phobias on the EW! factor. Rustin spends $170 on edible larva, Justin can’t muster up the courage to ask a girl out, and Mike reveals his true love: bird feeders.

We're here to save the world! The Banter boys riff on Superheroes, as Mike leads us in a supernatural edition of Marriage, Friend Zone or Restraining Order, Rustin rants about obscure heroes and Justin wants to know if you'd rather wear a full-length cape or a mask at ALL TIMES. Justin wants to be Underdog, Mike likes Gin but hates the Gin Genie, and Rustin watches WAAAAAY too much Netflix. 

You'll heart this episode! The love-struck lads lament about the OV (Original Valentine), draft their least favorite holidays, chomp on some black noodles and choose between being a cowherder or a weaving maid. Mike and Rustin have a heated exchange over Columbus you won't wanna miss, while Justin says goodbye to sugar forever. 

Hair ye, hair ye! It’s a follicle-filled festival as the guys rank the “Ew!” factor of hair, choose between uncontrollable ear or nose hair, and get excited for the glorious return of Burning Loins (Mike madder than ever!). Justin loves wet hair, Mike wants to be a porcupine and Rustin confesses to highlighted tips.

Happy New Year! It’s the beginning of 2017, so the fellas look at other “firsts” in this show: first kisses, their first impressions of each other, and even how this podcast itself began! In this trivia-loaded classic, Mike gets kissed and it FREAKS HIM OUT, Rustin wants to lose weight and Justin hits on his friends’ moms.

Merry Christmas… you too! Banter Clause is coming to a town near you, bring a brand new bag of segments including a Christmas carol quiz, the “Naughty or Nice List” and a verbal gift exchange. Hear Rustin botch “Twas the Night Before Christmas”, Mike rage about tinsel and Justin relocate the Salvation Army bell ringers.

Wake up and have some breakfast with us! The fellas discuss the most important meal of the day (or is it??), drafting their own ultimate breakfast platter, breaking fastly into some trivia and try to guess Rustin’s weird breakfast habits. Mike spits some ebonics, Justin gets a colonoscopy and Rustin wakes up slamming mimosas.

Hurts so good! In this show we discuss pain – both of the body and the soul. We talk about our worst injuries, the last time we cried and if we’d rather get shot in the leg or get a paper cut every day for the next year. Justin eats too many tacos, Lonesome Dove gets to Mike, and handlebar mustachioed Rustin completely loses control.

It’s about time! On this show the boys banter around the clock, talking time travel, favorite hours of the day and whether or not to use the snooze button. Mike hates on daylight savings time, Rustin can’t give a straight answer and Justin wants to pick his nose in peace.