Bite Thy Thumb

Worlds collide on Season 3 Episode 4 as Jarrett's beloved dynasty league discovers his bastard child of a podcast (0:02:57). Ethan skips the 2nd annual pod-Golf invitational to selfishly savor his covid infection (0:21:03). We wrap up this shortie but goodie episode by recapping the start of the Celtics / Heat Eastern Conference Finals (0:31:59) as well as participating in some poignantly below-average impersonations of sports announcers (0:44:25).

We celebrate spring and return of beautiful weather by discussing horror movies and dying in various aircrafts (0:00:29). We come clean regarding the failed podcast last week and steps forward [which sadly do not include replacing James] (0:18:16). We champion the brave men who don't let dogs biting their face off get in the way of an adequate amount of beers after work (0:23:03). A full recap of the JamesJarrett Golf Classic Invitational results, including most accurate score predictions and fortuitous alliances with the elderly (0:28:37). Jarrett experiences his first Golf-League meltdown at the hands of golf elitists (0:46:26) followed by a quick beginning and even quicker ending to his Leominster softball league career (0:56:52). We wrap up with James's Quest for Glory (1:08:19), surprisingly reasonable reactions to Celtics v Bucks being erased by Twitter gaslighting (1:14:37), and the results of the Bite Thy Thumb Dynasty League rookie draft (1:21:39).

Bite Thy Thumb is, and always will be, the premier amateur golf podcast in the 48 continental United States. This week we bring you coverage and predictions of the JamesJarrett Golf Invitational (0:00:35). The tournament is thrown in jeopardy when one of the star golfers is summoned by the authorities down in Rhode Island (0:28:52). We wrap up the show by bringing you the latest chatter regarding the 3 biggest stories in New England: the Patriots' STRANGE draft (0:32:36), the Celtics' playoff run (1:01:41), and most importantly, James' Quest for Glory (0:54:54).

As we begin season 3 of the storied Bite Thy Thumb saga, our eyewitness news team reveals the Woo Sox / Paw Sox beef goes further than just hot dogs (0:04:27). James idiosyncrasy check: what dark origin stories is this onion of a man hiding? (0:16:13). Where does Fantastic Beasts rank in terms of most offensive things J.K. R*wling has done? (0:28:42). Jarrett addresses the concerns about him being a slippery newborn baby on the golf course for the first time (0:38:39). We harass James for running from the grind of Pokémon Arceus (0:58:57). BONUS: James' Quest for Glory (1:11:37).

We return to disgrace your podcast feed with a singular question: Is enjoying beers outside good or bad? (0:05:02) We evaluate the ever-changing NFL landscape halfway through the offseason (0:09:09). Not sure if you remember Tom Brady retiring, but he decided to not do that (0:19:49). We fumble through a very amateur (some would say plain incorrect) answer to the question: is NFL cap space real or not? (0:34:29). Speaking of: are movie theatres real? (51:38) We hide the Pokémon talk at the end of the pod because we're really thoughtful hosts (1:04:09). Bonus track: gambling for free and unlocked carnival games (1:23:58).

You obviously like scams if you support this podcast; may we interest you in a 2 year old review of the docuseries about the McDonald's monopoly scam? (0:03:30). Your regularly scheduling scamming resumes with audio content such as: Jarrett apologizing to Ime Udoka and the Celtics (0:12:56), MLB lockout thoughts and pocket watching minor leaguers (0:29:42), a troubling yet plausible Patriots conspiracy theory (0:46:47), analyzing the crimes against Russell Westbr*ck (0:56:35), and making plans to Tee off like Grizzley (1:04:20). Bonus footage: James the Human Eraser [skit] (1:08:46).

The boys are back and going international as Ethan takes a trip to Ireland and meets the rudest human being of his life (0:00:47). We have the collective attention span of a fly in this smorgasbord of an episode as we bounce from topic to topic, including your favorite hits such as: shoveling treasures of out of the snow while almost destroying someone's snowblower (0:14:18), year old Super Bowl takes (0:21:38), Pokémon Arceus reflections Part II (0:31:14), The Antichrist presents: Steph & Ayesha Curry Dating Game (0:46:15), LeBron looking for more LeAttention (0:54:14), medieval axe throwing and a Viking cult conspiracy theory (1:05:22), officially denouncing Kanye West‘s musical works and actions after 2014] (1:13:00), and a short but significant James story ominously foreshadowing future podcast topics (1:23:25).

The boys are back after a brief hiatus, and we're breaking news right away as Ethan returns to the Broadway stage 12 years after his Tony winning performance in Wicked [and by that I mean Wicked Pissah, the Boston based reenactment of l the Stephen Schwartz musical] (0:06:09). We get together to both complain about and reason with the NFL seasonal award results (0:13:48) as well as submit our 2 week old super bowl predictions for your entertainment (0:27:38). Should you kick the field goal, should you go for it, should you stop listening to this podcast altogether? (0:42:14). We get some DeflateGate venting off our chest 7 years later (0:48:30) and dive into the Olympic figure skating doping scandal (0:54:53). We dive all the way into our review of Pokemon: Legends of Arceus (1:12:28) which leads to an epic Ethan rant blowing up at Jameses controversial opinions (1:49:50). Our nightcap for the evening is a fine glass of Patriots propaganda with a chaser of Mac Jones love (2:01:10).

The civil discourse surrounding our successful Chinese food gathering before the failed Love Show quickly ends when the Trigger Warning debacle surrounding the Butt Cyst Story is rehashed [how's THAT for a sentence] (0:08:18). James antagonizes the nation once again, this time in regard to Pokémon Legends: Arceus (0:19:11). We ask the important question: do fans of things always suck? We answer this and also pretend we are extremely smart game developers (0:30:15). Tom Brady's 9 page retirement post somehow did not mention the Patriots OR the Bite Thy Thumb podcast (0:46:11). We keep James on mute just a little more with some general NFL rumblings (1:10:21) before shutting this bad boy down by spitting some game about Girl Scout Cookies (1:17:39) and the return of Fortnite (1:24:00).

Pain and tragedy. One man's comeback. Podcast tension and a host determined to destroy all that is good. The Butt Cyst Story (0:03:50). We completely exclude James from the pod entirely to discuss the NFL playoffs and football current events (0:19:09) but we do allow him to participate in debating which NFL players age like wine or cheese as well as a little dynasty discourse (0:32:09). We stay in our Sporty Spice lane with a brief Superb Owl preview (0:46:04) as well as some NFL draft talk and how pro-scouts are basically weather people (0:52:31). Finally, we bring it on home with some very classy and thought provoking bidet talk (1:03:59) and previewing the new Pokemon: Legends of Arceus game (1:10:32).

Tragedy strikes again, and this time it's not just another Bite Thy Thumb episode: The Impractical Jokers are dead (0:00:56). On the contrary, the man who submerses himself in bogs is alive and prospering (0:06:21). We talk SNL and insult comedy (0:16:42) before diving into a surprisingly deep conversation about the topic of Chappelle and the state of comedy (0:30:40). Wash that down immediately with Chinese buffets and cocktails (0:43:33), fixing major fast food chains (0:53:32), and previewing a new drinking episode while reflecting on our old drinking episodes [and maybe another love show?] (1:04:48). We wrap this baby up by crying about the Celtics (1:16:56) and presenting very accurate predictions about the year 2022 (1:23:48).

This episode time-traveled from 2021 into the future just to ruin your new year early. James hears the Bite Thy Thumb podcast for the first time and also discovers we've been doing a fantasy football league despite 3 of our 18 podcasts being centered around said fantasy league (0:02:56). We celebrate and criticize Ethan's championship and discuss how we made out with our fantasy portfolios this year (0:11:23). We dip back into the world of [hypothetical] stealing and the supermarket giant Barket Masket (0:26:22), struggle through playing the Ultimate Dinner Plate game (0:45:32), relive some hall of fame Ethan v Jarrett meltdowns because we definitely didn't edit one out of this episode (1:01:55), and finally, bring home this terrible year with the even more terrible Bite Thy Thumb: Year in Review (1:10:26).

The Thumb Elves are back with the Christmas episode and boy is it the worst gift under your tree. We talk about the existence of Santa Clause [warning: SPOILERS] as well as the existence of Chunky peanut butter [warning: GRAPHIC VIOLENCE] (0:04:16). We evaluate how poorly we'd perform in a $5,000 secret Santa grab (0:15:46), Christmas Day battle strategies (0:35:15), how pristine the original iPods were (0:43:19), and which Christmas songs deserve to be praised vs. which deserve to experience the ultimate dishonor… being sung by us on a podcast (0:54:13).

The Love Show begins with some late night relationship advice from Big Dr. D down in Georgia (0:01:12). We show the fan(s) some love on the love show (0:12:27) and also acknowledge the existence of music and sounds (0:21:06). We ride out the love wave wondering if Ben Simmons could hit a couple hundred threes to save his life (0:37:11), new music Friday review (0:41:20), enjoying various places we do not live in (0:51:59), a fruitful Hawaiian rock music review (0:57:10), some metacognitive podcast reflections (1:16:45), and finally, the topic that will dominate the conversation at your holiday table… what's the deal with rock music from Wisconsin?! (1:20:35).

Oh yeah baby. We're back again. We collectively launch ourselves out of a cannon by discussing the latest new music Friday offerings from artists both dead and alive, all of whom could use microphones better than us (0:01:07). Jarrett furiously re-enacts the guy who speaks the ESPN introductions before hyping up the Brady doc (0:07:59). Do you enjoy rappers saying funny things? You'll enjoy it even more when we say them! (0:16:36). We send you home with all your favorite classics, including: Is everyone on earth popular? (0:22:05), Thumb biters origin stories, (0:28:36), the Month Draft (0:34:34), a Bite Thy Foot-Thumb fantasy football update (0:52:10), introducing a new music segment for Season 2 (0:57:54), and finally, you know we can't end without talking a little Pokémon (1:04:54).

You begged and pleaded… you wrote your local government officials… “please, make them stop releasing podcasts!” Well, guess what… nobodies care! Season 2 kicks off with the boys complaining about the Celtics but at least basketball is still good (0:00:39). You remember music? We talked about that (0:10:41). Norm MacDonald was funny so we remember that and shamelessly reenact his content (0:19:00). We hit that mindless groove strong as we finish off with Pokémon [the card game] (0:22:24), elite tier mall talk (0:27:16), Pokémon… the video game (0:32:10). Last, but certainly not least, the Bite Thy Thumb boys sing you to sleep and send you on your way (0:41:44).

The Bakers' Dozenth episode of the Bite Thy Thumbs pod begins by navigating the fine lines between petty larceny, college meal plans and someone's dad's credit card (0:04:10). Speaking of ugly midsections, the Pats draft McCorkle, a drastic reduction in tragic collegiate athlete stories, and many other NFL Draft storylines (0:27:59). We wrap up by discussing the perils of dynasty fantasy football (1:02:51) and looking forward to post-vaccine life and the pleasures that come with it (1:21:01).

Do do do, DODODO, DO, do! With the 12th episode, in the 2021 Bite Thy Thumb podcast, the boys select reviewing 4 tantalizing dynasty rookies and yep that's our NFL draft analysis (0:01:56). Breaking down the various McCorkles of the QB landscape and a controversial conspiracy theory for the Niners pick at 3 (0:26:00). Baseball is all about cigarettes (1:00:22) and preparing for the worst with the Patriots' draft (1:30:27).

We humbly begin episode 11 by shooting Julian Edelman's career directly out of a cannon (0:00:49). Can't believe it took this long, but we finally got a fiery Ethan vs Jarrett screaming match: do championships even matter?? (0:08:00). We cool off by going around the world in rap music (0:21:03) and breaking down ALL Six Flags [spoiler: the 4th flag is scandalous] (0:30:47). Congratulations, Wyoming, you killed our love for rap music (0:47:45). We wrap up by ruining food in ways such as Pizza burger (0:54:05), bagel ice cream clams (0:59:00), and Popeyes n Po' Boys (1:02:35), and finally, an ode to Mickstape as we forget we're podcasting and watch Jayson Tatum murder the Warriors on national television (1:12:40).

Boys. Beverages. B-minus podcast material. The IPA tasting episode has arrived in all its glory (0:05:20). Along the way we cover the horrors of hoop assembly (0:43:30), naming all 1 of our fans (1:09:30), Celtics centric group therapy (1:32:30), and finally, El Jameses' Latin music corner (1:48:55). BONUS: I do a pretty buzzed top-40 radio host introduction for the greatest outro in podcasting, exclusively performed for the Order of the Torty Biters.

Despite all your prayers, wishes, and legislative measures, the boys are back for episode 9. We abolish the draft... AGAIN! (0:03:22). Ethan thinks the P in IPA stands for pond water, except ponds obviously aren't real (0:30:15). Jarrett is a Jayson Tatum/Celtics apologist (0:36:16), LeBron and Lola Bunny are the best frontcourt duo in basketball history (0:41:34), Hawaii rap and our first Hawaiian bun sponsorship (0:48:51), and lastly, previewing Wyoming rappers and the IPA tasting episode (0:59:26).

Back by lack of popular demand, the boys return for episode 8, talking round-ball, specifically a few teams doing some swip-swaps of some player men (0:05:30). We move on to Dumb and Dumber.... but for once we aren't talking about ourselves! (0:26:53). The Patriots are slightly less bad than they were last time we congregated (0:53:15). We wrap up the episode with Jimethan's gaming talk corner before previewing next week's Hawaii rap (1:43:45).

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to listen to 3 strapping young men sample Irish whiskey over the very podcast air waves being broadcast to YOUR smartphone? Wonder no more my friends (0:01:00). We take a break in between glasses 2 and 3 to analyze the greatest movie/TV characters of all time, from Thomas Shelby of Peaky Blinders to Tow Mater of Cars [who Ethan accuses of being named Tug Mater] (0:34:00). After finishing our scotch, we discuss brave Texans smoking out the bees (1:23:00), lying about early childhood memories (1:38:47), finally hitting an unsavory random rapper assignment (1:49:05), then talking Idaho rap and previewing our next state: Hawaii (2:14:18)

Episode 6 opens up with the boys helping Jarrett pick a new baseball team for the 2021 season (0:02:15) and revisiting the Astros' cheating scandal (0:11:25). We have a guest appearance from our pal Drake, who stops by the studio. Just kidding, but we did talk about him (0:17:08). We ride out into the sunset to the tune of painfully reliving adolescent haircut phases (0:36:50), some extended Celtics' sadness (0:46:15), Alaskan rap report cards (0:52:10), and eventually ride directly into the sunset, exploding into oblivion [to the sound of us previewing Montana rap and the whiskey tasting episode next week] (1:01:13).

Blasting off episode 5 with a flashback to James' wild night of unrequited love, the big city, grand theft auto and mostly getting robbed (0:01:00). Jarrett confesses to committing NASCAR (0:14:50) before getting sad about the Celtics (0:29:50). We can confirm OK rap is o-kay rap and decide to schedule Alaska for next week (52:12). James and Ethan are briefly permitted to “get their Pokémon on” to wrap up the evening (1:00:57).

The lack of sports in this cruel world has forced us to talk about the very under-discussed topic of “music” (0:02:30). Acknowledging that John Cena is the best rapper in New England history (0:18:25). Can we interest you in some spaghetti sugar and ranch? (0:40:50). A surprisingly honest conversation about whether or not college is a scam (0:52:00). Don't care for deep conversations? Skip ahead to our ground-breaking fast food analysis to end the night (1:21:00).

We start Episode 3 with the inaugural DTAH Fantasy Football draft... Ethan makes a controversial selection 1st overall and we also forget to narrate most of it (0:00:30). One of us drafted the Titans' defense before Deshaun Watson, Calvin Ridley, Michael Thomas or Antonio Gibson (0:10:00). The very same person drafted the Pittsburgh Steelers defense 12 rounds later (0:30:27). We get feisty about Boston sports venue rankings and whether or not hockey is trash (0:58:45) Wrapping up with talking about dead malls because that's cool in a creepy way, alright (1:20:35).

The only Chiefs-Bucs prediction we got even close to correct was that the recap episode wouldn't post until a week later (0:00:20). Finally some coherent football analysis? (0:03:35) Watching a Brady championship as a jaded Patriots' fan (0:10:55), becoming the first podcast to discuss Brady v Belichick (0:22:38), mixed reactions to the halftime show (0:30:13), best and worst of SuperBowl commercials (0:36:25), & wrapping up with non-cancellable national anthem takes (0:41:45).

The boys start Episode 2 by illegally talking about S*perBowl copyright infringement (0:02:15). We establish our footing as the premiere podcast in naming Washington DC sports teams poorly (0:12:45), Carson Wentz trades and NFL talk (0:18:35). Discussing two equally prestigious types of athletes, Olympic AND intramural (0:27:55), reminiscing on halftime shows of years past (0:37:55), horribly incorrect predictions for Mahomes v Brady (0:53:50). Finally, the beer catches up to us & our sports takes become.... spicy? Ill informed? You decide! (1:14:30) BONUS: a dynasty start-up draft episode with James coming soon? (1:40:53)

The guys kickoff the inaugural #BiteThyThumb podcast with a couple adult beverages and a couple #thoughts... okay, it's several thoughts at the very least. We start the show by reacting to the Jared Goff trade & how much stinking he'd previously done before talking NFL (0:01:11). We move on to tackling the biggest questions facing our nation, including $DOGE and other stonks (0:32:15), Fantasy Football (0:40:45), NBA talk & the travesty that was the OKC Hornets (1:04:11), naming the past 20 years of World Series winners for absolutely no reason (1:17:56), where Machine Gun Kelly ranks among greatest guitarists of all time (1:34:34), and wrap up with everyone's favorite: 3 white guys discussing rap music. Well, to be fair, James is half Colombian. (1:37:20)