First Baptist Church of Minneola

Secular - After the Sunday service, Pastor James stood at the door shaking hands as everyone left. Little Noah came up, clutching a dollar bill. He looked serious. “Pastor,” he said, “I want to give this to you.” Pastor James replied. “Why, thank you, Noah! But what's this for?” Noah shrugged and said,…

Secular - It was a bright Sunday morning, and the kids in Sunday school were unusually restless. Miss Carol, the teacher, was doing her best to keep everyone focused as she started her lesson on the Ten Commandments. She wrote “THOU SHALT NOT” in big letters on the whiteboard and said, “Now, class, these…

Secular - Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who was a former tax collector. It was most likely written between AD 50-60. Matthew left everything behind to follow Jesus. Matthew wrote primarily to Jewish believers—people who knew the Old Testament well.…

Secular - An elderly lady was walking out of church one Sunday when the pastor stopped her at the door. He smiled and said, “Ma'am, don't you think it's about time you joined the Army of the Lord?” She looked at him and whispered back, “Pastor… I'm already in the Army of the Lord.” He raised an eyebrow…

Secular - During children's church, the Sunday school teacher asked the kids, “Why is it important to be quiet in church?” One little girl raised her hand confidently and said, “Because people are sleeping!” Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who was a…

Secular - One Sunday morning, the Sunday school teacher was trying to explain how people get to heaven. She thought she'd make it simple, so she asked the class: “Kids, if I sell my house and car, have a garage sale, give all the money to the church, and spend every day helping the poor… would that get…

Secular - Sam was hiking with his friend Jake when they came to a wobbly rope bridge dangling over a canyon. Jake said, “Don't worry, Sam. Trust me—it's totally safe!” Sam looked down at the frayed ropes and creaking wood. “Why should I trust you?” Jake shrugged. “Because I'm standing behind you.” Historical/Cultural…

Secular - Two men hired the same contractor. One insisted on the sand—“cheaper and faster!” The other insisted on the rock—“takes longer, but stronger.” The storm hit. The sand house became beachfront property… without the “house” part. The rock house? Still standing, and the contractor said, “Told you—solid…

Secular - I once told myself, “If you take a deeper look, you'll find the problem.” So I leaned closer… then closer… until I was nose-to-nose with the situation. That's when I realized— the only thing staring back at me… was my own reflection. Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew,…

Secular - There is an old saying, money can't buy happiness. This is True— but it can buy first-class tickets on a plane, and that's basically happiness with free meals. Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who was a former tax collector. It was most likely…

Secular - At church one Sunday, Pastor Jim gave a sermon on forgiveness. Afterward, little Tommy tugged at his mom's sleeve and whispered, “I'm ready to forgive Uncle Bill now.” His mom smiled. “That's Great! What did Uncle Bill do?” Tommy frowned. “He hasn't done it yet. But I know he's coming to Thanksgiving……

Secular - After church, Brother Caleb proudly told everyone, "If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other too!" Just then, grumpy old Larry walked by and slapped him. Caleb calmly turned the other cheek. Larry slapped that one too. Caleb paused, then said, "Okay… now the Bible's out of cheeks.…

Secular - Old Brother Harold decided to get in shape after the pastor's sermon on "Walking with God." So every morning, he put on his best sneakers, grabbed his Bible, and marched up and down the church parking lot. After a week, the pastor asked, “Brother Harold, how's your walk with God going?” Harold…

During Sunday service, the pastor said, "A good attitude is like a clean shirt—people notice when you're not wearing one." Brother Larry shouted, “Amen!” His wife whispered, “Maybe you should try both next time.” Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who…

Dave asked his friend how he stay so positive every morning. he said, “Simple. I wake up, smile at the ceiling, and whisper: ‘Let's see what nonsense we're pretending doesn't bother us today.'” Then I drink coffee until my optimism kicks in… or until I've faked it well enough to pass for a functional…

A pastor asked the congregation, “Who wants to go to heaven?” Everyone raised their hand—except one man. The pastor asked, “Brother, don't you want to go to heaven?” He replied, “Oh, I thought you meant right now . I am helping with Fellowship Dinner after the service.” Historical/Cultural Context -…

Jacob was having one of those mornings—late for work, cranky from no sleep, and of course, the coffee machine stopped working. He stood in the kitchen, eyes half-shut, and muttered, “The enemy is attacking my joy through caffeine withdrawal.” He laid hands on the machine and prayed, “In Jesus' name,…

During a Sunday service, the pastor was teaching about patience and waiting on God. He said, “Sometimes, God's timing is perfect, even if it feels like we're waiting forever.” From the back pew, an old man grumbled loudly, “Yeah, I'm still waiting on my wife to understand that ‘waiting' part!” Historical/Cultural…

During his first sermon in Africa, a new missionary was thrilled when the whole congregation loudly said “Amen!” after everything he said. Excited by their enthusiasm, he preached passionately. Later, he learned that in the local dialect, “Amen” sounded like “What?” They weren't agreeing—they were just…

One Sunday morning, a pastor woke up and decided he just needed a break. He called in sick, told the associate pastor to cover for him, and drove out to a distant golf course where no one would recognize him. Up in heaven, an angel saw what was happening and said to God, “Are you going to let him get…

A minister is baptizing people in the river. A drunk man stumbles by, and the pastor asks, “Do you want to find Jesus?” The man says, “Sure.” The pastor dunks him in the water and asks, “Did you find Jesus?” “Nope,” the man says. So he dunks him again. “Now?” “No.” He dunks him a third time, longer this…

A young missionary was practicing baptism techniques in preparation for an upcoming service. With no one around, he decided to use a plastic bottle for practice in a nearby river. A local villager walked by, saw him dunking the bottle repeatedly, and shouted, “Pastor! If you're baptizing today, could…

One Sunday morning, Pastor Bill decided the church needed a fresh, attention-grabbing sign to draw in new visitors. He came up with a bold one: "Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back." He proudly put it up Monday morning. Later that week, an elderly lady walked in and…

A parishioner approached the minister after the Sunday service. “Preacher, I've been meaning to ask—why do we sing hymns so loudly?” The minister thought for a moment, then said, “Well, when you sing loudly, you're filling the church with joy!” The parishioner nodded, then asked, “And if I'm off-key?”…

Sunday School Teacher: “Okay, kids, what do we say when we do something wrong?” Little Brian (without blinking): “Blame Satan.” The teacher laughed, but Brian continued: “Because last time I said it was my fault, I lost tablet time. Now I just say, ‘Satan made me do it.' Mom gets mad at Satan instead.”…

Secular - A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about faith and always being ready to give an answer for what we believe. She decided to test the kids. Teacher : “Alright, kids, let's see who can answer this question. What's small, furry, has a bushy tail, and climbs trees?” The kids sat there…

I heard a joke once about a man who was stuck on his rooftop during a flood. He prayed for God's help, and soon a neighbor came by offering to help. The man waved him off, saying, ‘No thanks, I'm waiting for God!' Then came a boat, and he turned it down too. Finally, he drowned. When he met God, he said,…

Secular - A couple of guys, we'll call them John and Al, were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first driver sped past, he yelled, “Leave us alone…

I got two stories of living in a christian life. I couldn't decide which one I liked better. 1 During Sunday school, the teacher was explaining how God created Eve from Adam's rib. A little boy, fascinated by the story, listened intently. Later that night, his mom found him lying in bed clutching his…

There was a small-town church holding a special weekend retreat, and the pastor wanted to teach a powerful lesson on faith in action. He gathered the whole group outside and announced they were going to do a trust fall exercise. He called up Brother Bob — a well-known member of the church who was always…

Reality walks into a Coffee Shop, but no one acknowledges it. It sighs and mutters, “Figures. Everyone's too busy living in their own little worlds.” Meanwhile, Perception walks in right after, and the whole place cheers. Reality groans, “Of course. Always the popular one.” There is a difference between…

Billy loved spending weekends at his Grandpa Joe's house. Grandpa was full of wisdom, stories, and—most importantly—hilarious ideas about “helping.” One Saturday morning, Billy's mom reminded him to clean his room before heading outside. Sighing, Billy trudged upstairs, but Grandpa Joe stopped him. “Don't…

In a small village, there was a man widely regarded as the village fool. He would stand at the market every day, and people would offer him two coins: one was large and made of cheap metal, and the other was tiny but made of gold. Every time, the fool would take the large coin. One day, a curious boy…

A man was sitting on a park bench, deep in thought, when a bird landed near him. The bird looked at him and said, “Why the long face?” The man sighed. “I'm trying to figure out what freedom really means.” The bird tilted its head and chirped, “Freedom is simple! Look at me. I can fly wherever I want,…

A woman walks into a department store and spots a sleek, shiny thermos on display. Curious, she asks the salesperson, “What's that shiny thing?” The salesperson smiles and says, “That's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” The woman is amazed. “Wow! That's incredible! I'll take it.”…

A missionary couple had just arrived in a remote village deep in the jungle. Determined to make a good impression, they brought gifts and supplies and set up a small church to spread their message. One of the first challenges they faced was the language barrier. The villagers spoke a dialect that the…

A man is driving through the countryside when his car breaks down near a monastery. He walks to the door, knocks, and a monk answers. The man explains his situation, and the monk invites him in, offering a warm meal and a place to stay for the night. As the man lies down to sleep, he hears a strange,…

A minister was walking down the street when he noticed a small boy sitting on the curb, looking very sad. He walked over and asked, “What's the matter, son?” The boy looked up and said, “I don't have any friends. Nobody will play with me.” The minister, always wanting to help, knelt down and said, “Don't…

Secular - A pair of missionaries arrived in a distant village determined to share the gospel. The villagers were known for their hospitality, so the missionaries were invited to dinner with the village chief. During the meal, the chief asked, “What brings you here?” One missionary said, “We've come to…

A man was walking down the street when he saw a sign outside a small shop that read: "God's Will Repair Services." Curious, he walked in and found an elderly man tinkering with an old clock. “Excuse me,” the man said, “what exactly do you repair here?” The old man smiled and replied, “Oh, anything that's…

A teacher asks her students, “Who do you think God is?” One kid says, “God is a super old man with a big beard who sits on a cloud!” Another pipes up, “No, God is like a superhero—faster than light, stronger than anything, and invisible!” A third kid smirks and says, “Nah, God's definitely my mom. She…

One Sunday morning, a man named Bob walks into church for the first time in, oh, about 20 years. He's feeling inspired, ready to turn over a new leaf, and is practically glowing as he takes a seat. But as soon as he sits down, he notices that he's seated in the quietest section of the church. Everyone…

Secular - A man says, “God, I want to follow Your plan. Just tell me what it is.” God replies, “First, I want you to stop procrastinating.” The man says, “Oh, I can totally start that… tomorrow.” A man was going through a rough time, so he decided to have a heart-to-heart with God. Man: “God, I'm doing…

Secular - A young boy asked his mother why she talks to God when she prays. She replied that it's like having a conversation with the best friend she can always rely on. The boy, eager to understand, asked if God talks back. Mom chuckled and said sometimes He whispers in our hearts or nudges us to do…

Secular - A pastor was known for his powerful sermons, but one day he decided to try something new to engage his congregation. He announced that next Sunday, he would preach while standing on his head! The church was buzzing with curiosity. The day finally arrived, and as the pastor stood on the pulpit,…

A church was debating what color to paint the church building. One group passionately wanted white, while another was equally passionate about painting it blue. After several heated discussions, they finally decided to settle it with a vote. In the end, white won by a narrow margin. The next Sunday,…