Inner Work with Steli Efti

I’ve been spending the last few weeks of summer at the beach in Halkidiki and have made a daily ritual of swimming in the ocean each morning. While the water here is typically known to be gentle and serene, it recently has been much more turbulent and unsettled. I’ve had to adjust my swimming technique to navigate the rocky waves and trust in my body to adapt to the tumultuous conditions. This experience reminded me of a lesson that is true of many things in life - the journey is more enjoyable when you can freely flow with the waves that come your way. Diving into this thought more and some of the philosophical musings I’ve been pondering from my time at the beach. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep164 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

We won't find truth outside of us. There's no system, no organized set of teachings, no framework of thinking that will lead us to truth. Ultimately, the only place where we find truth is within ourselves. Reading passages from Jiddu Krishnamurti's Total Freedom reminded me once again of this big adventure that awaits each of us: to seek within ourselves. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep163 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I’ve been having so many intense, vivid dreams lately - so intense that I feel tired and unsettled even after waking up. I knew these dreams were trying to tell me something about myself that I couldn’t see with open eyes during the day, but I didn’t feel like analyzing them or dealing with them in the moment. But one of the dreams that I couldn’t shake is a very common dream that many people experience, but one that is pretty unusual for me - dreaming that my teeth are falling out. In this episode I do some live dreamwork to decode and dissect the underlying message this dream was trying to reveal to me. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep162 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I’ve been reading Demons by Dostoyevsky and there are two small anecdotes from the book that immediately resonated with me—two topics that many of us as humans deal with throughout our lives. The first is the impulsive act of judging others too quickly and the arrogance we must overcome to give one another a fair chance. The second is the lost ability of being able to laugh from the heart. So often in life we wear masks to protect our own self-image and gain approval from others, but at a detrimental cost to our true inner selves. Talking more in this episode about the profound wisdom and depth I discovered from these passages and how I’ve seen these topics reflected in my own life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep161 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Today I want to share with you one of my favorite books of all time, The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. I loved the experience of reading this book so deeply that I already can’t wait to read it again. It does a wonderful job of portraying many major life themes in a profoundly delightful way. I found so much beauty and wisdom contained within each page that it has stuck with me for days, and even weeks, after reading it. If there’s one book you read in your entire life, let it be this one. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep160 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Rather than feeling present and peaceful, I felt fragmented and frustrated in recent weeks. My nights were filled with uneasy sleep and weird dreams. And in the course of the days, I struggled with confounding urges: When I worked, I wanted to take a break. When I took a break, my mind kept thinking about work. And the same was true for other areas of life: For much of my day, I was doing one thing, while some part of me felt compelled to do something else. And just recently was I able to make sense of all this. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep159 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I recently finished listening through about a hundred mini recordings from my week in total darkness, which was a very intense experience to relive. While reflecting on my dark retreat and the time since then, I’ve realized it’s been a very challenging and intense 3 months for me post-darkness. I also didn’t anticipate how different coming out of this experience would be compared to other types of retreats I’ve done. I’ve been in such a sprint for the last 3 months that I’m still digesting many of the insights and lessons I uncovered while in darkness, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes me close to a year to truly internalize this experience. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep158 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

This topic is something we’ve touched on previously but it’s a theme that keeps popping up for me. It’s the notion of “you are not above this”. I keep finding myself in situations where a thought or feeling arises that I’m not comfortable with and my first instinct is to reject it. I think to myself, I’m above this, I’ve evolved beyond this feeling or action. It’s human nature to reject the parts of ourselves we aren’t comfortable with. But this only further distorts our own self image. We have to acknowledge that if we’re having this feeling, then it’s our current truth and we have to claim it as our own. It may not be who we strive to be, but it’s still a part of who we are whether we like it or not. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep157 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

We all know life is full of ups and downs, yet it’s so easy for us to get frustrated and torture ourselves when the pendulum of life suddenly swings from blissed out harmony to chaos and struggle. We must remember that life is a wheel that keeps spinning. These moments and feelings, both good and bad, aren’t constant. The sooner we can fully understand and internalize this, the easier it gets to just ride the waves and enjoy the journey. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep156 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Great joy overcame me one day before the end of my dark retreat: I was about to go back into the world. Tomorrow I would see my children, embrace them, give them all my love, and receive theirs. An almost ecstatic bliss enveloped me, and I wanted to cherish this state as much as possible. But then another realization dawned on me: blissing out on anticipation would cost me everything the present moment would have to offer, all the lessons that were still waiting for me in the dark. This episode is a short audio diary I recorded during my dark retreat in March of 2022. Check out my weekly newsletter: https://steli.substack.com/ Connect with me: https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

There’s a quote by Byron Katie that’s been stuck in my mind. It reads, “Don’t be spiritual, be honest instead. It’s very painful to pretend yourself beyond your true evolution.” I love it because it ties back to this inner work journey I’ve been on of going deeper within my own psyche and emotions and learning to be fully present and in the moment. I haven’t fully internalized many of the moments of clarity that I’ve had throughout my journey yet. Sometimes I will pretend myself beyond my true evolution, because often times the truth is not that pretty. We stumble around truth and pretend to be spiritual when in reality, simply being honest is the highest level of expression of spirituality. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep154 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I recently came back to a book I read many years ago called Loving What Is by Byron Katie. She has a really great self-inquiry method called The Work that I’ve been putting into practice daily for the last couple of weeks. It’s a very simple 4-question framework that is so practical and pragmatic that anyone can do it. In this episode I’m breaking down this method, the inner truths I've learned about myself and the lasting positive impacts it’s had on me in just the last 2 weeks. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep153 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I've been pondering a quote lately from my favorite Dostoevsky book, The Brothers Karamazov, which reads, "we ought to treat everyone like little children, and most importantly ourselves." It got me thinking about the way we are with our children - how loving, patient, lighthearted and encouraging we are when we're parenting these tiny little humans. Why can't we be this way with everyone in our lives, especially ourselves? How incredible would the world be if we could remember to treat one another with this same level of tenderness and also extend this grace inwardly to ourselves? Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep152 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

When I was 18 all I wanted to be was successful, which at that time to me just meant rich. I pictured myself with the fancy car, expensive apartment and crushing it as a business man like Gordon Gecko in Wolf on Wall Street. But something I’ve been reflecting on lately is how glad I am that plans I had for my life when I was younger didn’t work out. My life now is tremendously richer in many more ways than I ever could have imagined at 18. When things don’t go according to plan it’s usually for a reason we aren’t quite capable of understanding yet. It’s important to maintain a level of humbleness and grace (and a little bit of humor doesn’t hurt either). I’ve learned that getting upset won’t change what’s happening in the moment. And maybe sometimes things don’t go according to plan so that better things can fall into place. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep151 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Ever wake up and think of all the things you gotta do, and it just destroys you? I can't tell you how many times I woke up feeling miserable because of everything I'd have to tackle on that day. In my younger years, it would actually make me cancel everything and fall into a depression. Later I learned to willpower my way through my responsibilities, no matter how I felt about it, and that was a great step forward. But if you do that for too long, it eventually eats up your soul. You become very good at what you're doing, but you're also disconnecting from yourself. When the first thing you do every day is suppressing your feelings about what you will do today, you lose touch with yourself, and the longer you do this, the higher the price you eventually pay for it. Today, I tried something different. A very simple tweak that made a huge difference—I'll talk about that in today's episode. Check out my substack: https://steli.substack.com/ Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep150 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth", wrote Dostoyevsky. And the longer I live, the more I realize this to be accurate. So many of life's problems boil down to struggles with truth. It's not just the lies we tell others: It's mostly the lies we tell ourselves, the truths we'd rather avert our eyes from. In short, it's the lies that we don't recognize as such, that often trip us up in life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep149 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

How often in life are we hurrying from one task to another on any given day? Or rushing hastily to reach the next big milestone ahead of us? I've been pondering this recently and had the realization that when we are in a hurry to do something, it's usually because there is an underlying fear of never getting there. We must remember that it's only by remaining present that we can take the necessary steps, at the right pace, to reach our end goal. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep148 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I've experienced love in so many new ways over the past year, have deepened and widened my relationship with and understanding of love so much—I was almost tempted to call this episode "The Power of Love", like a cheesy pop song. In this episode, I share some of these experiences, and how they moved me in sometimes unforeseen ways. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep147 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Spending a week in complete darkness would be an intense experience. That I knew. What I didn’t anticipate was how intense it would be to come out of the darkness. In fact, re-entering normal life was an even wilder adventure than the dark retreat itself, and it profoundly changed the way I view the world. In this episode, I share how coming back into the world of light has altered my understanding of myself and others, how we relate to our environment, and how we deal with the incessant ferocity of daily life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep146 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Darkness has illuminated my inner world. With nothing to see outside of me, I began to see things clear within: fears I didn’t know I grappled with. My complicated relationship with love. Mysterious light visions. While I shared the physical aspects of my dark retreat experience in episode 144, in this episode I focus on the emotional and psychological aspects. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep145 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I recently attended a dark retreat. I was in complete and utter darkness, alone, for an entire week. It was one of the most intense things I've ever done and I haven't really shared much about it with anyone until now. In this episode, I will share the physical experiences of living in true darkness for five days, how my experience evolved as the week went on, and some of the initial learnings I’ve had about myself in darkness. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep144 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Recently I spent a week in complete darkness at a dark retreat. And very soon, I was faced with something I didn't expect: Anxiety. I wasn't even halfway through my first day of darkness, and out-of-control anxious thoughts kept appearing, and I had no idea how I'd make it through a week of darkness. Until eventually I realized what the cause of all these anxious thoughts was, and how I could transform all that nervous energy into peaceful presence. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep143 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I’ve been pondering a story for the last couple of days that I want to share with you. It’s a story I first heard at an ashram a few months ago about a young monk, a tiger and a barking dog. While it didn’t really move me at first, it’s been recently popping up in my mind, so in this episode I’m dissecting the metaphors and exploring it’s many meanings. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep142 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I just spent a week at a darkness retreat - all day and night for an entire week, I was alone in a room in complete darkness. It was a very intense experience - it felt like climbing Mount Everest with your mind. I knew returning to “normal” life after would be an adjustment, particularly since the work week ahead was going to be a very challenging one. I decided to start the week with a small experiment to ease myself into work, and I discovered some surprising learnings as a result. In this episode, I share what I did and the importance of taking mindful breaks to do some inner listening. There's a lot that can be learned from the inner echoes of our own minds. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep141 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

An important point that I need to keep remembering is that it’s truly a miracle how adaptable we are. The capacity of a human being to heal and transform and overcome obstacles is tremendous. We are always healing, fixing and overcoming. We need to remember that no matter what difficult situations or feelings we’re experiencing, we aren’t alone - millions of other people have or will also experience the same thing as you. Don’t let the “I should be better” syndrome creep in and create unnecessary fear and tension in your life. At the end of the day, everything in life can be fixed or changed. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep140 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

How much of who you are in this very moment can you fully see and accept? It’s one of the hardest questions that life asks of us every day. In this episode, I discuss the human experience of how different situations bring out feelings that are already deep within us and the courage needed to seek out the underlying meaning contained within our own emotions. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep139 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I’ve been spending my mornings lately reading “The Essential Rumi”. I find his writing to be so beautiful, touching, creative and poetic and I’ve really enjoyed starting my days with reading his words. One of the poems in this collection that has had a profound impact on me is “After the Meditation”. I’ve been stuck on it for the last week, re-reading it every morning and finding new meaning within it. In this episode, I discuss and dissect the poem and the concept of finding your “heart-donkey”. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep138 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

It’s been a very large part of my personality to define my self worth and the value I add to the world through what I’ve accomplished in a day. But I’ve learned that no matter how many to-do items I cross off my list, there’s never a sense of completion. I’m now embracing the art form of non-doing. Non-doing isn’t the physical act of literally doing nothing, but a state of mind to achieve - peacefulness, awareness, presence. It’s the embodiment of an empty vessel, letting things happen through you and within you, but not being or becoming those things. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep137 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

There’s a part of me that’s resurfaced recently that I haven’t had to face in months. It’s the part of me that is relentless in downplaying every single thing that I do - the inner voice that’s constantly whispering in my ear “you are not enough”. This feeling is like quicksand; the faster I try to overcome it by filling my day with more actions and accomplishments, the quicker I drown. It took me a while to realize that "enough" is an attitude - not a physical or external state you can arrive at. It’s a conscious decision you have to make that requires a lot of courage. It begs the question: if life doesn’t owe us anything, why do we owe anything to life, or to the world? Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep136 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Since moving back to Europe, I’ve noticed how much the conversations around me involve other people that aren’t in the room. Something about this is off to me—gossip isn’t something I consume or surround myself with. I don’t like it or find any value in it. But as I started reflecting and thinking about it more, it dawned on me that there are layers to gossip and different ways to experience it. In this episode, I discuss all of these layers—the dangers and negative effects of gossip, but also the necessity of being validated by others and the challenges that come with navigating this fine line. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep135 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Where you do your inner work matters. Spiritual trips like retreats, yoga and meditation are vacations. The real inner work is done in the every day life - in your house, with your family and especially with those people in your life who are the most inconvenient. The ones that get under your skin and expose your inner wounds are your spiritual teachers, enlightening you to darker inner truths you carry inside of yourself. In this episode I talk about the importance of doing inner work at home around family and the challenges I still face with this process. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep134 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

This concept is something we’ve discussed in previous episodes, but there’s more to this idea that I want to dig deeper into. It’s the notion that there are two sides to the same coin - that what we hate about others, we embody within ourselves. In this episode, I share a few different stories and anecdotes about my mother and her life that helped me realize that everything in its extremes is always wrong. The truth never lies at the extremes, it’s usually oscillating somewhere in the middle of the entire spectrum of life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep133 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

“Shut the fuck up and do it anyways” used to be my mantra. I lived my life in such a disciplined, pragmatic way, which was great for producing results but I was so out of touch with my own thoughts and feelings that it was creating a negative impact in my life. I realized there is tyranny in practicality. I’m not saying there’s no use in being pragmatic, but life is not always about being practical. How effective is it to think in such a disciplined way when it offers zero flexibility? In this episode, I discuss the spectrum between practicality and flexibility and the challenges each side of the coin demands of us. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep132 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

You can’t be upset with others and at peace with yourself at the same time. Whatever negative thoughts you observe about someone else or the world around you is a direct projection and reflection of something you’re dealing with within yourself. I've been practicing this for years, and yet, it's still challenging to live this truth daily. We’ve talked about this on the podcast before, but in this episode I’m diving in a little deeper. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep131/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

For the last 2 to 3 months I’ve been pondering the concept of mystics and the idea of mysticism. To me, a mystic is someone that is placing the mystery of life at the center of their being. As someone who has lived so pragmatically for many years of my life, I found this concept to be wildly exciting, adventurous, and beautiful. I previously lived my life in a way that had so many steps and routines, it was working against me - hindering me from moving forward in the ways I wanted to. So now, I'm embracing a more mystical approach to experience a more expensive reality. In this episode, I talk about the dangers of living too practically, why flexibility and living in the here and now is so important, and striking a balance between these two concepts. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep130 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I had an interesting experience recently at 4AM one morning where my hands turned into a tree. Not literally, of course, but they felt heavier, thicker, and larger than they really are. To me this was a symbolic display of how I was feeling recently with my two young sons. I had been constantly on the go and trying to be super dad 100% of the time - it was wearing me down. This experience reminded me of an old truth - there’s as much magic in the world as your heart and mind is open to receiving. And there’s none if you choose to close yourself off from it all. If we remember to just do less, to relax and enjoy a bit more and go at a slower pace, there’s a chance to perceive some of the magic in the world in between every day moments. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep129 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I recently had such a stressful dream that when I woke up, the feelings of worry, anxiety and guilt within my dream continued to linger long after I was awake. Typically when I have these little negative thought clouds, I’m able to effortlessly puff them away and return to a sunny state of mind. But I knew this dream was trying to tell me something, so I did an IFS meditation to decode this dream and what it was telling me about myself. In this episode I walk through my distressful dream and discuss the consequences of puffing away negative thought clouds instead of confronting them head on. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep128 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

For the past month I’ve been doing a daily practice of asking myself one specific question multiple times a day. It’s a very simple question and it isn’t some magical, life-changing technique, but it has been extremely illuminating in helping me identify certain patterns in my life. The question is “what is your true intention in this very moment?” And the answer I get most often is a hard truth to face: to avoid doing something else. In this episode I discuss how this daily practice has helped me add more purpose and clarity in my day to day life by being more intentional with my actions, no matter how big or small they may be. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep127 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I’ve been genuinely excited about returning to Germany - getting the chance to hug my children and see my mother, my brothers, my friends and loved ones. I had a moment of clarity when thinking about this upcoming reunion, and while it sounds cliche, I realized that every day is a gift. It’s not a given that I’ll make it to Germany. Tomorrow is never promised. In this episode I talk about the concept of inviting death into my day - not as something to fear, but as something to deepen my appreciation and gratitude for each day and all the wonderful gifts I’ve been given in life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep126 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I recently did a five day water fast, with 4 days of juice fasting (2 leading up to and 2 after the water fast). In this episode, I share how I prepared myself for the fast, what I experienced, and what I learned about my relationship with food and life simply by withholding food for a week. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep125 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

This episode is a deeply personal one in which I discuss my relationship and experience with God. Even talking about it now is still something I’m getting comfortable with. The way I experience God specifically is tricky business—it’s partially a science, partially an art. I’ve been instilling certain practices into my daily life to help nourish this connectedness and by doing so, I’ve discovered that not only has my level of worry and stress decreased dramatically, but my appreciation for life has increased exponentially. There’s so much I have to share about this and while it can be awkward or hard to put into words, this episode is my way of sharing this genuine experience with you. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep124 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

As I was meditating recently, I had a realization - something I already knew, but was shifted into crystal clear focus for me. It was a beautiful moment that further clarified my tremendous gratitude and love for books and reading. One of the most amazing experiences to me with reading is that you get to enter new worlds through different human beings—you get to live a thousand lives through many different books if you read them with an open heart and mind. In this episode I discuss my love for reading and books, the journey I’ve had with reading throughout my life and how books have allowed me to live infinite lives through the stories they tell. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep123 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I've spent a good amount of time over the past 2 years working on the anger that I thought I didn't have. And for the most part, I thought that I was good by now—I felt I had a good relationship with my anger. Until something unexpected happened: I got angry, and I hid it (even from myself). And then my jaw started to get painfully tense again, and it wouldn't relax. I started to work on it, tried all kinds of techniques that I have in my anger management toolbox, thought I had resolved the underlying issue—but my jaw still was tense. Ultimately, I learned that there was something for me to learn which I wasn't ready for, and I would never have uncovered, if it wasn't for my anger and its physiological manifestation, the tense jaw. It took a couple of days of inner work, which wasn't pleasant, but in hindsight, I'm incredibly grateful for the lesson learned. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep122 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Listen to your heart. Get in touch with your body. Trust your intuition. All of these are easier said than done, because they require something from the mind it doesn't like to do: relinquish control. The mind always wants to run the show, and it won't hesitate for a moment to pretend to be all these different parts of ourselves, putting on the costume of the heart and imitating it's voice, telling us what it, the mind, wants us to hear, rather what the heart is actually telling us. In this episode, I share my daily experiences of unmasking the mind, and what I learned from doing so. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep121 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I recently had an experience where I came close to what I believe enlightenment might feel like. This happened a few days after attending a silent retreat and going on a walk in nature—the intense state of pure love I experienced I'm now playfully going to be referring to as "englowment". It was a beautifully terrifying experience that was almost too much for my mind to comprehend. But since then, it’s led me to a new state of happiness and peace I haven’t previously experienced in my life. In this episode I’m sharing more about this experience and the lasting, positive impact it’s had on me for weeks after. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep120/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Silence is an essential element of inner work. But in modern life, it's pretty much as rare as a precious metal. It's so easy to always be distracted, constantly consuming some kind of information or entertainment, engaging in some activity—we've got infinite ways to keep our minds busy. You have to consciously create silence in your life. Silence is the space in which insight and wisdom can grow, and in silence you can hear your inner voice loud and clear. Silence is holy. In this episode, I share 7 ways I create silence in my days, and how it has transformed my life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep119/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

This is part of a conversation we've had in August of 2020, where we discussed the courage it takes to share your weaknesses. Many people think that I don't care what other people think about me—but nothing could be further from the truth. For most of my life, I cared deeply about impressing others, and I got very good at hiding my own struggles and weaknesses—not only from others, but even from myself. And I even judged people who shared their weaknesses openly, was repulsed by it. But healing doesn't happen in hiding—healing happens in the light. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep118/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

Recently I've been experimenting a lot with timing: changing not so much what I do, not really adjusting my habits, but simply being more mindful of when I do these things. And I found that even doing the exact same thing can have an immensely different impact on my life just because of when I do it. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep117/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

There's a German word I really love: Bewunderung. It's commonly translate as 'admiration', but that doesn't quite capture the full meaning of the word. In this episode, I talk about the art of keeping and cultivating a sense of wonder about life, and the people in your life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep116/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

I've now been studying Internal Family Systems (IFS) for a long time, and it's taught me so much about myself that I decided to take an online course on it. But I don't really want to learn more about IFS to know IFS. I want to learn more about IFS so I can use it for my own inner work. And so rather than mastering the theory of more aspects of IFS, I decided to instead really focus on applying what I learned to myself, and just do one exercise I found particularly helpful again and again—and it led to some surprising discoveries about myself. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep115/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/

A lot of spiritual practices try to teach you to become something or someone else, achieve a certain state of being. But you don't need that. Inner work is not about getting to some magical place where everything will be different. It's about living your own truth. You already are what you need to become. You already know what you need to know. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep114/ Connect with me: https://steliefti.com https://twitter.com/steli https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/