Love In Your Life

What are the things we feel judged about? Have we to comply with societal norms and expectations? Should we not all feel accepted for whoever and however we show up here, regardless of what most people feel is "best?"   The Laws of Trust, Honesty, Tolerance, Gentleness, Joy, Defenselessness, Generosity, Patience, Faithfulness, and Open-Mindedness are listed among the ten laws that Jon Mundy mentions as the "laws of happiness."      These terms are self-explanatory. We can all understand the value of living with the guidance of what these terms represent.    The highlight of what I see to be apparent in being "assessed" and that which is gleaned from reports that are generated following the assessment process, is that in acknowledging ourselves we allow for the "other." As I see myself more clearly, I am open to the personality differences of another. And as I open to both, I accept and honor differences in both.        Now there's a path to happiness!

What are your ideas about your best work? What do you decide about those ideas? Do you explore them or do they get stored somewhere inside, as you push them away because you don't have the time, patience, or trust that it's worth pursuing? If you are stuck in a work-life that feels wrong, you do need to pay attention. Listen to the tugs; they are connected to a knowingness within you. We say we have a "gut feeling," an intuition. I like to think of it as our heart trying to have an intimate conversation with our head. We are not certain about this thing called passionate work. We know what seems to have meaning to us individually, uniquely. But maybe there is "purpose" and meaning in work that is useful. Maybe we grow into the passion for our work because we feel an alignment with the value of what we do for work. Exploring these ideas has created an opening in my own thinking, in my personal beliefs about meaning and purpose in the work that we do. Maybe we create more stress with this idea of finding passionate work, seeking work that is purposeful. Maybe all work is meaningful and it is up to the individual to see the purpose in the work. After all, everything depends on how we choose to see it, doesn't it?

Wayne Dyer once said, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change." How do we do that---change the way we look at things? I believe that it all begins with who we are Being...are we leading with self-love, self-respect, self-awareness, and acceptance or are we totally being influenced by external factors? COVID has caused so many of us to reconsider our options...we have become more insistent on not only what we want to do but also how we want to do it. It is not unlike having experienced an involuntary job loss, in the sense that this change presents an opportune moment to reflect on what we really want. It's a gift, a blessing under the guise of a "problem." It depends on how we look at it, right?

Amber didn't get to her happy career spot without some detours, even as she may not characterize it that way. She remained mindful, with every choice she made, of potential options all along her path. She intuitively maintained a "contingency plan" that accompanied every career move. Why? Because she had her eye on a goal...one of satisfaction in all the ways that were important to her. Listening to her, I could not help thinking about how and why we couldn't all be blessed with that level of self-awareness. Even when we begin not knowing what we want to do for a career, how can we step forward into one thing, learning along the way, paying attention, to what we like and what we do not? How do we prevent closing the door to other possibilities? Amber's story is inspirational. It teaches openness, self-acceptance, courage, and persistence. That's what we hear, what we learn from her. She knows that anyone can get to the work that is meant for them if they pay attention along the way and make adjustments accordingly.

When you are aware of who you are, it generally leads you to understand your own motivations. That generally results in your awareness of others. So how and why is that important enough to discuss? We are told, often these days, that social intelligence is something that can be developed. The reason we might want to improve in our own level of awareness is to enable us to have a degree of compassion for ourselves, which then naturally leads to being aware and understanding of others with whom we live, work, and play.

Engaging in a self-assessment process can be informative but not in the acquisition of brand new information kind of way. It's more like in the acknowledgment of what we already know, so it's more confirming and validating. We smile in acknowledgment of what is being revealed to us on a report about our personality and interests. And there are residual benefits of going through the assessment process. These benefits are inevitable and helpful. The reports allow us to extrapolate to others, mostly those with whom we live, work, and play. In accepting what is true of us, we somehow end up clear about how others may differ and how we might accept what is true about them. It is personally rewarding to experience self-acceptance in the client and even more exciting when they understand the value of how it translates to acceptance of the other. It's "I'm okay, You're Okay," which is a beautiful thing.

Whether we recognize it or not, we each have a philosophy. If we don't see it now, we will acknowledge it one day. And this life investigation leads us to be a certain way, which then leads us to do certain things. It leads us to the work that we choose, the person we decide on for our life partner, and whether or not we procreate. We need to be what makes us happy. When we are experience happiness, it is contagious and we bring that wherever we are. It's infectious. It's our responsibility to ourselves and the universe to be what is our purpose and that which is entirely in line with your philosophy. So, how does that happen? Is this "radical reflection" something reserved for a segment or for all of us? We all want to live meaningful lives, have a purpose for our time here, and be happy. Recognition of our personal philosophy can help us get there more efficiently.

We speak often of the nature of our work. Do we like what we are doing, and if not, why? How can we move into work we enjoy? But there is another aspect to the work we do. There is the leadership and the corporate mission and vision. There are other employees with whom we work each day. These two aspects represent at least fifty percent of the reason we may experience a level of happiness with our "work." We might even decide against leaving a job for higher income because of how content we are with our boss and co-workers. After all, money is not everything. How is your company culture? What are the things you look for and prefer in your boss and the people with whom you work daily? It is another factor to consider in making choices.

Have we honestly considered taking on our career by remaining open and present to what is and what comes to us? Is there a sweet advantage to adopting this outlook for ourselves? Is this a matter of letting go of judgment about what we "should be and do" and comparing ourselves to others? These are questions that I believe are worthwhile to explore. We owe it to ourselves to live the life we were "meant to," which can only really mean that which leaves us feeling a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. There is no resentment here nor is there a comparison to any other. It simply is self-love and self-care with a sense of service. I think when we judge, whether it is ourselves, another, a situation, or a job (as one that is "beneath" us, for example), we lose opportunity and possibility. We may discount viable and even wonderful prospects. Something to consider.

Speaking with Deb, one gets the impression that there are no big daunting questions about career choice. "Just remain open," she says. The suggestion is not to concern yourself with finding a "career of passion," but rather, be present and evaluate the opportunity when it presents itself to you. Deb definitely seemed to "Go confidently in the direction," and while I'm unsure whether the remainder of Thoreau's quote is relevant, it's only because she doesn't think of a career path as something we necessarily "dream" of. She herself possessed only a type of self-knowledge. And she made use of the process of elimination. "Like what you so, stay present to opportunities, and once you identify what you do NOT like, leave that behind. It's a refreshing perspective and one that would appear to ease pressure and manage one's expectations in a positive manner. We love this fresh perspective, because we don't need more pressure, we need less. We don't need to focus on the future, we need to be present to the moment. We may make too much of the career selection process; we could overthink" finding our purpose. Maybe our purpose shows itself to us in the career choices that we discover in time, and only when we keep our faith in positive forces in the universe.

When we can't identify the work of our dreams, it may be because we haven't been tuning in to ourselves. It may be that we haven't parents or authority figures to provide the kind of feedback that stimulates our unique interests and capabilities. And if we make it all the way to high school graduation without that kind of self-knowledge, perhaps it is better that we delay further formal education. Take that gap year and try to "figure it out." Nevertheless, we can't waste the gap year. We must step in somewhere. We must act in our own best interest to discover ourselves and our place in the world of work by getting involved. Start small and just do it. The best that can happen is that you fall into a space and place that hints at something you enjoy. Then you take it further. You will inevitably land somewhere. Our quote from Teddy Roosevelt reminds us that the credit doesn't go to he who hesitates and waits. It goes to he who moves and attempts a position and fails. The failures only inform him, not defeat him. We love "The Man in the Arena" quote because it encourages and supports us to do what we are, even when we aren't exactly clear what that is. It affirms to us that although we may not be one of the "lucky ones" who simply know precisely what their role in life is, we get one step closer to our purpose each attempt we make to get in the arena.

We have another resource for ensuring that our intention guides us and that is the energy we bring into a situation. Our energy vibrates at a certain frequency and we are responsible for how we show up and influence a particular time and space. So what is the energy you bring and how can you be a positive force for good for yourself and all that is in your path? By remaining in the love of who you are and what is in your life. By accepting what is and letting go when we might be tempted to hang on, to be attached to the result of that to which we remain attached. In EQ terms, Michael Singer's book, The Untethered Soul, reminds us to receive our emotions --that which is our energy in motion--for the value they bring to us in coming into contact with our purpose---who we are and what we are intended to do in our being here in this lifetime. The beauty in all of this is that rather than focusing on what we do not have or need or lack (scarcity mind), we are entirely focused on all that we are (mind of abundance), allowing us to get on with our purpose and make our unique contribution that ensures our own personal happiness and success. When our life works, we will always be a force for good in the world, inspiring others to make their lives work. You won't be telling them, you will instead show them how.

If there are only about 25% of us who choose the most appropriate career path for ourselves, could it be that these are also certain personality types? Are certain personalities more likely to have whatever it takes to be in touch with what is the best path for ourselves? Or is it too serendipitous to make such a correlation? And in thinking about that aspect, meaning if there is a connection between personality and choosing more appropriately for ourselves, is it possible to consider how certain personalities fare better in other aspects of life? Let's consider health and our unique responses to a scary diagnosis. Why is it that some people hear the same dire diagnosis and come out of it entirely differently. If we look at those who experience what is known as "spontaneous remission" and those who simply go downhill, might we see personality differences? If so, do we dare draw conclusions if/when it is appropriate? On the health front, as mystifying as it is, we do know that studies continue on the mind/body connections. I am not sure we will ever be able to conclusively understand why or how these occurrences are. Still, the questions remain about personality and optimal choices. And it only emphasizes the need for all of us to utilize as many resources as we can to allow ourselves the greatest opportunity to make decisions that help to ensure our happiness and success.

Does our personality type cause or explain our behavior? Can our behavior be predicted or explained based on how we score on a "personality" test? The simple answer is no. One type is NOT better than another and our type can not explain or predict our behavior. While our "personality style, type or preferences" are formed quite early on in our lives (some experts do mention that tender age of five), there is no "if, then" statement that can be made; there is no definitive information that can be given to indicate a behavioral response based on type. We may have a predominant style, but each situation and every experience one has allows us to grow. We incorporate lesser dominant styles as we continue on the path of time in interactions with others. We mature. And we learn how to interact using our own style and potentially recognize the preferences of the other, making allowances with that understanding.

Whether we are selecting the right career path, or choosing the most suitable life partner, it's best that we have a high self-esteem. How we feel about ourselves, how we value ourselves, forms the backdrop for our self-awareness. It also influences our decision-making, so we can understand how feeling positive about our self opens up possibilities to choosing in accordance with that positivity. When we make choices from a perspective of self-concern and self-love, there is a greater likelihood that we end up happy and successful. In other words, when we love ourselves, we are more likely to choose appropriately and honor our true selves. To be clear, it is a personal choice. We can choose to love ourselves, which then in turn assists us in making good decisions. And we deserve that. We ought not deprive ourselves of this right--self-respect and self-love is both our right and our responsibility.

Whether we are referring to exercises in emotional intelligence or abiding by universal principles, knowing what we are feeling and embracing what those feelings are here to provide us is key. There is intention in the universe and attending to our feelings, without judgment and rather total acceptance offers us deeper insights into our purpose. Identifying the feeling and sitting with it to get in touch with its "message," begins the process. Sending love its way to welcome it and let it be allows for understanding and love to be our guide. We want that and need that. Listen to one set of steps that walk you through the process for this valuable practice. "Your time is limited and you're supposed to be using it for something meaningful." Michael Singer

Arnold Patent's 24 Universal Principles are all about living our best lives. These principles correlate with a show that speaks of achieving personal and professional happiness and success in our personal and professional lives. It's about our perceptions versus the truth; Our separation ideas versus our reality in the oneness that we are. As many of our resources insist, Patent's Univeral Principles remind us that we entered this existence knowing exactly who we are but signed on for a human experience, which caused us to forget. This is one of at least two podcasts that presents the value of the 24 points identified by Patent, which he refers to as "Universal Principles." Listen, learn, and access his website, arnoldpatent.com to gain more wisdom from his words.

All the problems of the world, whether private or public, local or global, can be solved with two resources: emotional intelligence and the teachings in A Course in Miracles. Does that sound outlandish and too bold a statement for you to buy into? Well, consider this: Your EQ will determine your behavior, performance, and decision-making. How we behave and perform and the decisions we make will make the difference in the quality of our own mental and physical lives and the relationships we have with others. A Course in Miracles includes the teaching and concepts in emotional intelligence development. It speaks about the ego, projection, and forgiveness in a psychologically sound manner. Most importantly, it is about removing "the blocks to love's presence." These are powerful systems that can positively influence and change our lives and the lives of those around us.

We have been discussing living a purposeful life through being self-aware and identifying our passion through self-awareness. But there's another way to consider how we might live our best lives. How might you respond to the question : Who are you? What are you? What are you really good at? What do other people in your life say about you? If we have had parents or authority figures provide feedback about our talents and abilities early on in life, we have been in receipt of this information by the time we have to make career decisions. If not, if we are not so fortunate, what we may consider doing may be tainted by what the world seems to value-namely a degree of fame and fortune. It's another question-who are you and where is the excitement for you?

Knowing how to maintain our physical health begins very early on in our lives and therefore is familiar to us. We essentially know how to attend to our physical well being. We are also aware of the numerous resources to assist us in the maintenance of our physical health. It's not the same in caring for our psychological well being. We are not always as familiar with resources available to help us. Even when we are, accessing those resources may be accompanied with self-punishing thoughts and unconscious behaviors. We may feel guilty that we even need help; we may be embarrassed about it. We may reject the notion, and resist getting the help we need, leaving us feeling like a failure. None of those reactions (and that's what they are) are even necessary. We are better to develop the compassion for ourselves and reach out, knowing that help available. Besides, the people who love us are there for us. They are more than willing to open their hearts and hold our hand.

We hear the term "mental health" an awful lot lately. What does it really mean to be mentally healthy? Here's what the research says about mental health: It is a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his/her abilities He/she can cope with the normal stressors of life He/she can work productively and fruitfully I can't help but see the correlation between knowing who you are and what you want to do in life with mental health. If we simply consider what self-awareness provides us, we can easily imagine how that might contribute to a healthy self-image. A positive self-image gets us the level of confidence necessary to make life choices that make sense for our ultimate happiness and success. And this all correlates easily with emotional intelligence, as self-awareness is the first component of an emotionally healthy individual.

It seems every teacher is a continual learner. As they acquire new information, particularly what is pertinent to their teaching, they first assimilate it for themselves and then share the new learning. In other words, they tune in to remain current and relevant. We are all teaching and learning every day, even if and when we are not conscious of it. We don't need to be in the position called teacher, do we? So for me, I learn when I read and I learn from my students, colleagues, friends, and interviewees. What I received from our last guest, Joe, was the importance of paying attention. Holding a vision, he stepped forward with confidence that as long as he headed toward that picture of what he wanted, he could land in a desirable space. And he did. Whether we are new to the job market or transitioning, it is to our benefit to heed the message of paying attention, having some sort of a vision for ourselves, and then heading in that direction. That's what we learn from Joe's story. Trust plays in as well. And that's facilitated by this idea of attention and vision. To quote another favorite--"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined" (Henry David Thoreau)

There is an adage: Do what you love and you'll not work a day in your life. Joe Kreuz embodies this better than anyone I know. So how did he manage to do what evades so many of us? Listening to Joe tell his story makes me think that he did a couple of things. First, he paid attention early on; he was definitely self-aware. He had a vision and a model in his own father. He started out with a general idea and went "confidently in the direction of (his) dreams," in the words of Henry David Thoreau. And then, the universe "conspired in helping him achieve" those dreams, to quote from a beloved book, The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho). Perhaps no one is surprised that Joe is a people person who has cultivated relationships that he says will last a lifetime. But clearly, he has weathered storms during his career, just like all of us. Covid was another hit just this past year. Here again, he credits his wife and a great partnership with helping him through those times--clearly two critical relationships. Tune in to hear Joe speak with the ease of someone who neither takes himself too seriously (his words) nor takes his success and happiness for granted.

Just as intellectual intelligence is known as IQ, so too is the measure of emotional intelligence known as EQ. If we understand exactly what emotional intelligence is, then we also recognize how EQ is part of the answer to solving the world's problems. Consider that each human being is either aware of their emotions and can manage them or they are being run by them. Here's the definition by Daniel Goleman: "...(EQ) refers to the array of personal-management and social skills that allows one to succeed in the workplace and life in general. EQ encompasses intuition, character, integrity, and motivation. It also includes good communication and relationship skills." So, if you are not aware and able to manage your emotions through sensitive expression, then what is apt to occur is that you will be led by your unmanaged emotions, risking unproductive and negative expressions that are off-putting to others with whom you interact. With only that much, is it not easy to see how extrapolating the ability to be emotionally intelligent from the personal to the national and global challenges of and in the world is an answer?

If we sometimes feel overwhelmed by the need for world change, all we need do is take on the challenge right where we stand. It's like the quote by Desmond Tutu who said that "there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time." Of course, he was not speaking literally, we understand. But he refers to the notion that while things seem daunting, we sometimes freeze with intimidation of the enormity of the challenge. What can little me possibly do to change the big world? First, we need to change our minds. Ask yourself, am I being led by fear or love? What is it that I see out in the world that is reflective of me and how I think or believe? Draw the connections with truth and authenticity and then make a decision to contribute to peace and positivity. It's up to you, after all--your choice!

We are only too aware of polarizing positions in our world. And the reason that we are so aware is that these positions are too present in our lives. While we know this has to change, and we hear it often enough, why is it that we continue to live separated in our positions and critical of what appears to be different. Do we need to be right or want to be happy? We all know that love is the answer. When we hear it coming in the voice of another or read it on the page of someone's writing, we experience that sense of knowing. We agree; the truth is always recognizable, if only deep within our hearts. Living with love, insisting on love as our guide with all we do and say makes us whole. We easily derive a sense of peace. It always begins with self-love and radiates outward from there. That's where we achieve the highest calibration in terms of our energy. That is our greatest opportunity to do what we love and experience love in our personal lives.

It is about doing what we love, loving what we do, and being willing to be one hundred percent honest with ourselves and the world. It's the path to happiness and success. So why aren't we all happy and successful? Why do we have pain and strife in our world? Integrity and love are sister concepts. When we are loving and acting in accordance with our truth, we won't fail because we are living with and in integrity. Consider reading Martha Beck's new book on the subject: The Way of Integrity FInding The Path to Your True Self. If we really thought about it, doing and behaving as we truly are is not only natural but also a relief. Why? Because for so many of us and for such a long time, we have been doing otherwise. Reasons for this have to do with self-consciousness, a feeling of not being enough, just as we are. It is a lie we tell ourselves as we look out into the world to obtain verification of only that. What appears to the contrary, we sadly reject in favor of this erroneous idea that we do not have what it takes. But the unfortunate truth is that I can assure you and you might receive all kinds of material to reassure you that what is true about you is not only good enough but perfect. It only works when each of us knows and embraces our own truth with self-love and acceptance. If you haven't already, I hope to add to the motivation for you to give the gift of this truth to yourself now.

We are either contributing to the peace and love in the world or to the negative energy that causes hurt and ultimate destruction.

There is a little book called Life's Little Instruction Book that was initially written in 1940. The author is H. Jackson Brown, Jr., and his 21 points have definitely stood the test of time. We review each step here, highlighting the importance of each, and referring back to so many other shows in which we captured the same essence. It's "rules to live by," and "how to be happy," although his list is on Success. It's the same thing. A successful life is a happy life and vice versa. We review and provide commentary on each of these 21 essentials of how to live. You may add your own as you listen in on the points he deems esssential. They truly are the rules to live by.

Minnie's story serves to highlight what so many of us experience. From the lack of career guidance to accepting work that had little or nothing to do with her passion, she speaks powerfully about how she felt and the advice she can deliver as a consequence. Like many, there were sparks of illumination in some of her professional roles. While she did not necessarily consider herself drawn to Development work per se, she realized that she loved being able to learn about a cause and then deliver impassioned speeches to prospects. She discovered not only a sense of accomplishment but also touched a sense of purpose and meaning in that work. From a sense of knowing that "she liked to talk to people" and that she preferred not to sit at a desk all day, her best realizations occurred when she was able to "stop the noise" and pay attention to her authentic voice. We can "ignore our intuition" so easily and be "led by fear" so often. In other words, we can live an unconscious life but will only regret it. In Minnie's words, "a head filled with noise drowns out our authentic voice." Attending to that voice of wisdom within is the only way to discover the work that is meant for you.

John Gottman identified relationship barriers as what he referred to as the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." These are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. We recognize these as self-protective mechanisms that, in fact, are guaranteed to destroy our relationship. That's because they originate in unresolved pain from our past. Instead of being in relationship and intimate with another, they signal distance from our partner. We tend to "fool ourselves" with these subconscious efforts to protect ourselves, but what happens, in reality, is that we self-sabotage. They are designed to do exactly what we don't want to happen, to alienate us from our partner. Ask yourself about your behaviors within your so-called "intimate relationships." Do you find yourself critical, defensive, holding contemptuous feelings for the one you said you loved? Do you stonewall when your partner is reaching out to address an issue of importance to him or her? Awareness is the first step to resolution. Take this bit of understanding and shine a light on your and your partner's behavior. Change your mind first, before you decide to change your partner.

You've sent in your resume for a job you feel you can do and are interested in doing. You were invited for a face-to-face interview. All signs point to you being a "fit" to the corporate culture. So, why did you not get the job? It is essential that you prepare ahead of time for a face-to-face interview. It is likewise important to "review" what took place during the face-to-face opportunity you were given to sell yourself. How did you do? What took place at the initial interaction? Did you approach smiling and with a firm handshake or were you so nervous that it got in your way? Were your responses to their questions right on, highlighting the best of what you have to offer? Did you stick to answering the question that was asked or did you veer off into lengthy tangents? What would you have done better? Were you able to state clearly how you were able and willing to do the job in the specific organization and department? Remember that you can always learn on the job specifics but you can't be motivated where you have little or no interest. That will likely show through for a good interviewer and it is important. They are looking for your skill and your interest but also they need to be able to visualize you as a member of the team. How do you feel you did in that regard?

We were forced to step back. No matter what we did or how much we enjoyed our work, we were given the gift of time away from what we thought we knew, especially in our work lives. It's like the world called a time-out. We drew a collective sigh and breath as we took a deeper look into who we are and what we're up to. How did we or can we use what we have learned, especially about ourselves and our own needs? We may even have considered our personal lives. Were they/are they all they could be? Does our relationship meet our needs or have we been somehow settling for less than we deserve? Have we been the best we could be as partners ourselves? What about the children and the people we cherish? Did it take a pandemic to allow us to appreciate what we have? It is entirely reasonable to think that many of us have benefited from the time away from our routines of life. At a minimum, we have understood the importance of those we love but perhaps there are much greater lessons learned. Perhaps your response was much more profound. Whether you used this time to get clear on what is truly important, or allowed that fact to become the driving force for real change in your work and/or home life, it is, as always, your call. Hopefully, you will recall this time when your personal shift transitioned from what you have lost to all you have gained.

What are the factors that are at work to influence our career choices? Are we conscious of these influencing factors or not? Whether we are consciously aware of the factors that influence our choices in career path selection or not, they are nonetheless present and at work "behind the scenes" of our life, so to speak. If you are one to have given this any thought, you likely know this and recognize what those influencers have been for you. In general, we have our lifestyle preferences, such as married with or without children. To some extent, this choice will dictate how we manage our home/work-life balance. Then we have our personality and the needs that motivate us, in terms of financial expectations, etc.. There are inevitably cultural influencing factors as well. We have a fair amount of common ground here as workers, but we ought to understand our uniqueness so that we decide most appropriately.

Blaming looks externally for the source of our discontent. The problem with that is it assumes you are a victim, not in control of your own happiness. With the understanding that you alone are responsible for your happiness, you look to the self as the source. You are empowered with the knowledge that you are not a victim. In fact, you are clear that there are never any victims in the consequences of one's life, there are only volunteers. Following this logic, you can change your mind, your circumstance, and therefore impact the status of your contentment. Blaming someone else for what happens to us or with us only weakens us. Although it may cause the one being blamed to feel a sense of guilt, it provides zero traction for us to change what made us unhappy in the first place. Instead, we are well-advised to own responsibility for what happens, as that alone allows us to positively impact our own status.

While blaming ourselves sounds too much like judgment and criticism, asking ourselves to take responsibility allows us to feel a level of control. We should each know and understand the difference, so we can ensure that we are being kind both to ourselves and to all others. Holding ourselves responsible and accountable is a good thing. It demonstrates the power we authentically own over how we respond to what happens. We accept responsibility, knowing we are able to change what we do in the future. There is no blame or "finding fault with," but rather a sense of having control over our choices and decisions in an effort to improve.

What is happening to us here? We have gone from unearthing the horrors of abuse against women to a global pandemic, mixed with highlights of prejudice against people who are different from us. We have been forced to separate, wear masks that hide our kind signals of acceptance (smiles), and socially stand away from one another. We must avoid expressions of warmth and love, such as hugs or kisses. We can not enjoy gatherings of any sort, to celebrate marital unions or the life of a loved one who passes from this world. How many of us have actually stopped to think of the message being sent here? Who is sending the message? Is it some higher spirit to get our attention or is it simply ourselves to ourselves? The self-fulfilling prophetic nature of our experience is obvious. We attract the experiences to us that will further our own point of view (This is explained in Paul Levy's books and teachings). But our 'own point of view' is terribly flawed, obviously. If we created it, can we undo it? Can we dream ourselves awake?

Knowing who we are and what we need is key to understanding what is necessary for our career lives and our personal lives, as well. Spending some time in self-analysis allows us to connect with that authenticity and offers us the perfect opportunity to love ourselves for precisely who we are. It also affords us the opportunity to love and accept another for who they are. If there is synergy, we have the potential for a positive, productive union. The "assessment" piece just gets us to decision-making a little sooner, and a bit more efficiently, maybe. Without it, we could use up precious time (I intentionally did not use the word 'waste,' as I believe nothing is wasted; we are always learning). Paying attention. That's what it comes down to. Attending to your own inner voice or intuition. And paying attention to the other, with whom you need to engage. Knowing your preferences and understanding another's is better than nice to know. It's proven to be a need to know to avoid unnecessary errors and get right on to what is best for you. It's a more direct route to happiness and success and we each deserve that!

We continue down this road with the value of knowing your personality "type," and being aware enough to appropriately guess another's. Why is that important? Knowing your style and motivational needs for a job interview allows you to stay in authentic communication, as you describe how you're a match in skill, motivation (interests), and culture. Having an understanding of how we categorize the styles helps you in making an educated guess on your interviewer's needs. Meeting them at their needs will greatly assist in you coming across most effectively. If we are speaking personally, everyone prefers to be treated the way they need to be treated, to feel good about the interaction. So if you are able to adjust yourself and still remain in authentic communication, you leave a positive impression and increase the chances of continuing to remain in the relationship. At the other end, it helps facilitate decisions about the unlikelihood of a match, thereby saving both parties time and trouble. Finally, one benefit of this analysis not often discussed is the fact that in understanding style differences, we gain a degree of empathy and tolerance for others. We realize that although we all share humanity, we do not always share similar personality traits or with what we need in a job match or a mate match. I think this understanding allows us to drop any judgment in that realization. A "side effect benefit to a more peaceful co-existence!

How do we understand our temperament and what it means in seeking a proper career match? Can it help us to be aware of our needs when it comes to job satisfaction? And what does any of it suggest for my personal happiness? Knowing what motivates us helps us understand our needs and wants. Yes, it clarifies the kinds of job details that meet our unique needs and even tells us what we want to avoid. So, how can we understand those aspects of our nature and personality so that we consider them as we proceed in our search? Whether seeking to select your most suitable career path, or become more aware of what you need in a partner, taking the time to assess your needs, motivations and /or style preferences will provide a process.

As we look out into the world, it's so easy to lament the loss of things we thought we had. For example, I thought we had conquered racism. No, not every single bit of it, but I saw us living peacefully together as one, no longer mired in the horrors that I once saw reported in the news and depicted in movies on the screen. I only knew of it, never was witness to any violent behavior that we would characterize as racism. The closest I came was in hearing people refer to others in unappealing ways, mostly due to their character and not their race alone. So I keep going back, in my mind, to what is this injustice here to reflect back to us about what are we doing to ourselves for ourselves. Because I am of the belief that things happen for us not to us, I keep considering the message. To me, COVID's message has something to do with our separation, our division, we need to stay "distant." Well, isn't that what got us there in the first place? The more we insist on our division, separation from one another, the more we consider our differences rather than our oneness, being separated is what we will have. It's not far-fetched to draw these connections and conclusions. It makes total sense. It's like the universe is saying to us, okay, so you're separate, then being socially distant and cut off from the opportunity to connect intimately with conversation, sharing a meal, and celebrating holidays and joyous occasions won't be a problem! It's what you want, isn't it? But that's what was evident in your thoughts and actions! Change our thoughts and we change the world! What world do you want to live in, the one guided by Love or Fear?

Which challenge are you most disturbed by right now? Is it the riot that occurred at the Capitol, where a mob mentality resulted in causing devastating damage? Is it your mental health that has been taxed with personal issues on top of a global pandemic? Maybe it's just the pandemic itself, that pushed you out of work and out of business? Perhaps you feel strongly that you are being lied to and controlled by those in this country's leadership? You lack trust and do not feel that anyone is listening, that your voice is not being heard. Just writing the litany of our recent issues makes me feel a sense of gloom and doom. But here's why we can't and shouldn't give in to the hopelessness that may arise in us: We have every right to expect that change is not only possible but probable. Who is it up to? Us! Each and every one of us has the power to change our circumstances and be a part of the solution. Find it in your heart to remain open. As Michael Singer, the author, tells us: Do not let anything to close your heart. He says that closing your heart blocks your energy flow, which is how you are a source of light for all those around you. Another of my favorite quotes by Booker T. Washington: "I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him." That (hating) would be a perfect example of closing your heart! There is so much more that unites us than divides us. What does it take to convince us?

We don't realize how powerful we really are! We think that our lives reflect what others think about us and do to us, but that isn't true. We are in charge of our lives; we are responsible for the results we experience. This is not speculation or theory, it is real and true. And it's great news! Depending on how we respond to good and bad events, we either learn from them or we get discouraged, often giving up the possibility of ever trying again. We want love in our lives and we can keep love, but it does depend on how we choose to hold our experiences. We have a choice in how we respond to all that happens. Thoreau said, "What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen."

Many of us enjoy movies with a message. Since it's Christmas time, I was reminded of my own joy in watching old Holiday movies that remind me of valuable life lessons. Two of the best ones, as far as I am concerned, are A Christmas Carol and It's a Wonderful Life. When we first meet George Bailey, the protagonist of It's a Wonderful Life, we can't help but like him. He is an ethical, hard-working son from a good family, who happens to save his brother's life. One of the first things we learn about George is that his passion is world travel. He is an "explorer" at a very young age and just can't wait to spread his wings to travel the globe. It's all he talks about. His determination held out even as a brief tragedy, the death of his father, delayed him. His younger brother gets to pursue his dreams ahead of him. By now, viewers are feeling a bit sad and frustrated on behalf of this super guy. We want him to have his dream, to get out of Dodge and see the world. But his plans are once again dashed when he falls in love with a local girl. Between that wrench and the dilemma of "doing the right thing" by his Dad's legacy, he settles into a life of domesticity and small-town existence. He doesn't even get to have his thoughtfuly planned honeymoon! George's life bears little resemblance to what he may have envisioned, so is what happened his true purpose? Or did his life's meaning take a detour? How are we to assess his life, other than by the results that unfold and demonstrate his value to so many? How else could his true purpose be revealed other than precisely how it did? ?

Does everyone live the life that is "intended" for them, even when it doesn't look that way? Or do some of us get that wrong, and have to repeat our lessons in the next life? We often hear it said that the life we have is full of intention. Our purpose is evident in the unfolding of our time here. What happens is prescribed for the unique evolution of our souls. But then we have examples of those with whom we are familiar, living lives of quiet desperation. Are we to believe that this was their prescription? Did they really come here to suffer in a particular way that gets them the limited progress intended for them this time, which they then must continue in their next life? We all experience suffering; it's part of the human condition. But it does appear to be true that while some seem to get it quite right, others appear horribly off track. It is often the case that these folks admit to being off the mark; they're not happy. Maybe, no matter what it looks like, life is as it should be for each of us. If we feel an "imbalance," maybe we are using the wrong evaluation criteria. Maybe, it all gets balanced, with sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Maybe it doesn't matter a hill of beans, because this experience, where we believe we separated from our Source, isn't true at all. What we need is to come to that conclusion on our own, though, even if true. No one is spared suffering but perhaps much of it is a matter of choice and perception.

Passion leads to purpose, so does this mean that if I don't know my passion, there is no purpose to my life? Of course not! Viktor Frankl wrote, " Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose." This is a reminder that no matter what our life circumstance is, we will be okay, but if we fail to be and do what was intended for us to be and do, our lives will become unbearable. Discovering what we love to do, what we're good at, and what we are noted for, gives hints to our passions. And doing that work will reveal our purpose in a direct way. It will answer that question about why you were born. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that "good luck is another name for tenacity of purpose." Keep your eye on the ball of your intention to live your purpose and "luck" will seem to find you. After you define your purpose, blend your talent or gifts with service to your world and you live with love in your life every single day. It's the only way to live!

Mark Twain said "The two most important days in your life is the day you were born and the day you find out why." You came here for a purpose. It's your job to discover that purpose. When we listened to last week's show with our passionate teacher you had to have heard the joy she expressed in doing work that fulfills her. She said that being a teacher "lit up her soul." I have often said that we are each one of three types: The one who knows for sure what they are meant to do at an early age, the one who begins down a particular road and somehow "falls into" work that they love, and the one who never quite feels at home with what they do for a living. Those in this third category are no different than those in the first two, in terms of having a distinct purpose. One might ask why they are a member of this third group? How did they come to choose this rather unfulfilling path? Are they doomed or can they still figure it out for themselves, no matter how old they are nor how long they have been working disconnected from their heart's calling? What is blocking their ability to hear and see what is in their hearts? Here's the thing: Heart messages are only revealed once we are open and willing to accept what is for us. Meaning, it's not that there is no such message for you; it's that you aren't hearing or seeing it.

Lindsay walks us through her story. From her choices in pursuit of higher education to her first job, to where she is today, we hear her thoughtfulness in the discovery process. There were steps and missteps, but in the end, she chose the proper fit in the field of education. She tells us exactly how she uncovered her passion, asking herself the right questions, and being willing to pursue the direction where she felt "most fulfilled." She reflects, on " the moments when (she) was happy" as she reviewed her work life. How many of us are so thoughtful in our career decisions? How willing have we been to ask ourselves the right questions, hear the answer, and then act upon it? It takes courage and belief in not only the personal benefits of doing what we love but also in how we can bestow our unique value to the world. Here is advice directly from one who has done just that. Listen and be inspired to pursue your own dreams!

Why is it important to know and understand the difference between the true and the false self? Do we all have both and how can we live in alignment with our true selves? Our false self is nothing more than our body and all that is connected to our ego structures. I call it our name, rank, and serial number. That's who most of us, at least for a time, think we are. But who our parents are, where we grew up, and what schools we attend are all interesting but they are not who we are. Our true identity, in fact, has nothing at all to do with what we look like nor how smart we are, or how much money we have. Our authentic selves are stable and unattached to this world. It has been referred to as our soul or the face we had before we entered our mother's womb. Our true selves are unchangeable and have no end. Living authentically can allow us an incredible life journey!

Maybe instead of asking ourselves what we want to DO for a living, we ought to ask what we want to BE. That's a much more pointed question and could get us at the "right answer" quicker than expecting us to know what we want to DO in choosing a suitable career path. Doing is activity; being is a state of identity. The dictionary states that "being is the nature or essence of a person." We can't possibly know what we want to do before we understand who we are and what we want to be. Optimally, we want to align our choice with our nature or essence. That correlation must feel like home to us. Could it be that in questioning ourselves in this manner, we would get closer to the truth of who we are and what we are consciously accepting as our destiny? Asking the question of being inserts the authenticity of the soul's purpose, while the doing could easily involve more elements of our ego, which we know is highly influenced by worldly factors that have little to do with who we are. We already know that we are not taught much from either parents or teachers on how to go about an internal reflection of heart and soul on the matter of career. That is up to us as individuals to seek out and choose. It is a responsibility that we can neither deny or afford to ignore.

Intro to who I am and what is the purpose of this Podcast.