Premature Evaluators

Hey…. There isn’t much here in the way of descriptions. But the podcast kinda speaks for itself. Like…. for an hour it does.

Do Not Resist:     The Accountant:  

    Join Mal, Eli, and Avery on an adventure of two movies that need some love. Trailers below:   DEEPWATER HORIZON MASTERMINDS

Click below to watch the trailers as we review them! Well… not like, as we review them. Maybe pause and then go watch and then unpause. Be sensible yo.     BLAIR WITCH MAGNIFICENT SEVEN  

Well hello there adored listeners! We know that sometimes we may come off as a bit sarcastic in our terms of endearment for our loyal listeners. That’s just who we are — or at least, how we talk. But rest assured! We absolutely love and appreciate you all! (Yes, even Chad.) This episode is all … Continue reading S2:E21 Listener Appreciation Hour →

This whole podcast is a sausage party, you say? Mmm… maybe. But we are reviewing the movie. Also, Hell or High Water. Or Hell Sausage. Whatever. This is a great episode. For real. It’s going down for real.

We’re back bitches! I mean… loyal listeners, we have returned! I mean…. just enjoy. We love you.

Did you say you wanted some good ole fashioned remakes?!?! No? Well have them anyway. Remakes has pretty much been a constant theme here at Premature Evaluators. But it’s not our fault. For every two original movies that we get to review we are presented with 3.2 million remakes. Which kind of dilutes the pool … Continue reading S2:E16 At the Speed of Plot: Star Trek Beyond | Ghostbusters →

July Releases We’re back and we got some explaining to do… I mean, not really. Thank you guys for sticking through the chaotic free-for-all that was Episode 14. We’re back in the studio and not in Avery’s kitchen — so that’s an improvement.

This very special Anniversary Edition recording was made with all of the love and joy that could be mustered in the Premature Evaluators universe! So no, it’s not cinematic or podcasting gold… but it’s good. Or pretty good. Or adequate. But definitely worth listening to. Maybe.

Today we review X-Men Apocalypse and talk a lot about reviewing Captain America: Civil War. Also, it’s the episode that Mal absolutely had the most fun on. Hands down, one of the most fun episodes every. Also…. if you’ve ever wondered who writes these descriptions — it’s probably obvious that it isn’t Mal.

We’ve dedicated this episode to a review of Captain America 3: Civil War.

So the title…. yea… you just gotta listen. Thanks.

We revisit some of our past segments via fan request. Yea, it’s true. Like, literally fans asked us for these. For real. Really.

Talk about a ranting episode…. There’s more passive aggressive anger in this episode than there was “uncles” at yo mama’s house! No, really, this is a great episode. Warning though, this is the last of the two episodes to suffer from a volume issue. The volume on this one is lower than usual but definitely … Continue reading S2E7 Sloppy Seconds: Criminal | Green Room →

Episode 6 features so much sexy scary content that you might need to change you undergarments more than a few times and for new, entirely different reasons. Please excuse some of the buzzing and crackling through the first 15 minutes. We have a new setup in the studio and are working out some of the … Continue reading S2:E6 Extra Sexy, Scary Episode: Before I Wake | Jungle Book →

School break is over and you can’t live at your mom’s anymore. It’s time to move out and become a man. Or a woman, if you’re a girl. Or a woman if you’ve just been trapped in that body, we don’t judge. We’ve all been there… Young and jobless and stupid and having a sexual … Continue reading S2:E5 Millennial PSA: Get a Job | Backtrack →

We decided it was time to end the embargo against the Lost Episodes. You guys have earned it! Travel back in time with us to Christmas, 2015! Enjoy!! And Merry Christmas, every douche.

In today’s very special episode we discuss love and relationships and all that Valentines-esque stuff. Also superpowers and robot angel demon kids. We made this episode especially for you! Happy Valentines! Will you be ours? You already are. Movie Reviews: Perfect Match DIRECTED BY Bille Woodruff SCREENWRITER Dana Verde Gary Hardwick Brandon Broussard CAST Terrence … Continue reading S2E4: Podcast Shaming: Perfect Catch | Midnight Special →

Welcome to Episode 3! Where movies meet March and March meets drunk and disorderly! With the unfortunate theme of March Movie Madness we don’t figure it’ll take you too long to guess what this episode covers. But we do it with surprising style! THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR DIRECTED BY Johannes Roberts SCREENWRITER Johannes Roberts Ernest … Continue reading S2:E3 March Movie Madness: The Other Side of the Door | The Brothers Grimsby | 10 Cloverfield Lane →

Episode 2, as promised and on time! One day that won’t be a running joke because every episode will be on time. This month is not that month apparently….. But Season 2 is strong with the Punctualness thus far! Let us have faith! We really hope you guys are loving the new format and production … Continue reading S2:E2 March has Fallen: Desierto, London has Fallen, →

Welcome to the first episode in 2016! We promise that it will be better than the first episode in 2015… If you haven’t heard it, rewind in time and take a listen.   On today’s episode we review Deadpool, The Choice and The Pack. You’re excited about at least two of them. We’ll tell you … Continue reading S2:E1 February 2k16 Coming Soon: Deadpool, The Choice, The Pack →

Remember back in the day when it was a man’s world? No longer! Today’s world is equal opportunity! No longer does it require iron will, perseverance, courage and determination be accompanied by a penis! No, now our female equals can do some day-saving! And we can kick back, have a beer and enjoy progress! On today’s … Continue reading S1:E24 Feminism- Mad Men Style: Jupiter Ascending | Tomorrowland | Insurgent →

Sometimes you want to watch movies. Sometimes you want to play video games. And then, occasionally, you want to watch a movie about a game that you used to play. I mean, maybe that happened once… because after that once you learned what we’ve all learned over the years: they suck. Movie Reviews: Angry Birds … Continue reading S1:E23 Angry Cast: Angry Birds | Doom | Postal →

Let’s face it America: We is a zombie nation. We loves us some zombies. All of the movies are about zombies. All of the books are about zombies. There are even zombie cereals. Zombie politicians. Zombie porn stars… there’s no end to the zombie craze! Hopefully it’s just a zombie fad. But, if so, this … Continue reading S1:E22 The Listening Dead: Extinction | Pride and Prejudice and Zombies | Maggie →

Who cares about racing? We do! Well… sort of. We care about these movies about racing. Well… we care about the reviews that we’re doing about these movies about racing. And that means that you should too! Need for Speed was one of the most highly anticipated movies of the decade and we’re super happy … Continue reading S1:E21 Feed the Need: Need for Speed | Rush | →

We believe the children are our future. And as such we’ve dedicated this episode to them and the movies Hollywood has so graciously laid at their tiny feet. Sure… they’re probably getting a little short-changed compared to our childhood movies. But it’s all that they know. Probably all that they deserve too. Movie Reviews: Pan … Continue reading S1:E20 Childish: Pan | Underdog Kids | Descendants →

It's important to recognize that in today's economy Hollywood is having to tighten its belt just like the rest of us. Today we'll be talking about independent or low-budget films. There's not a whole lot of description needed here. I mean, maybe there is... but I'm not going to type all of that. No one is really paying me... so.... #LowBudgetPodcastingProblems

    When we reached out to Samuel and told him we were going to focus this episode on him he was ecstatic! We’ve never heard such angry joy before. We are pretty convinced that you will be jumping for joy by the end of this podcast as well. Press play, sit back, and feel … Continue reading S1:E18 Samuel L Jackson: Kite | Reasonable Doubt | The Samaritan →

These ain’t your daddy’s spy movies! Well, unless your dad is Tom Cruise. Not saying that’s impossible… just… unlikely. Unless you’re one of his star children. We really think you guys are going to love this episode. Not because it’s awesome and you’ve loved every episode before… which is true… but because we put a … Continue reading S1:E17 Moderation Impossible: Hitman Agent 47 | Mission Impossible | Man from UNCLE →

So we heard Halloween is coming. In typical fashion, we decided to do an episode on “horror” movies. In atypical fashion, we’re doing it early. We’ll like do another as October 31st approaches. But just in case we decide otherwise later… here’s this. Movie Reviews: Demonic   The Visit   Poltergeists Avery, Eli, Stuart

So something odd happened… We’ve done another Batman v Superman review. Yea, doesn’t seem that odd given that we’ve talked about this movie at least once a week for the past month. But Eli wasn’t able to make this recording. So it’s just Stuart and Avery. Which means basically we’ll do whatever nerdy thing we … Continue reading S1:E15 Mice Will Play | Batman V Superman, Suicide Squad →

Welcome to nerdgasm! We initially planned this podcast around discussing all of the upcoming Marvel and DC movies. We then realized that we’d essentially done that throughout the infancy of our podcast. No, we don’t nerd out every week… but for a solid month we probably talked about Batman V Superman every week. And groaned … Continue reading S1:E14 DC VS MARVEL Movies →

 Welcome to podcast porn! Well, if by porn you mean ridiculously crappy sexy movies. Yea, I guess that’s porn. WARNING: This episode has been flagged by Families for America for excessive naughtiness. Proceed with caution. Also, Stu is still nailing it with the tag lines. Call him at his personal number to offer him encouragement. We … Continue reading S1:E13 Too Sexy for this Podcast →

It’s Episode 12! YOU ARE NOT READY! Actually, it’s us that were not ready… as you probably noticed, this episode release is a tad bit late. That’s because of Avery. He up and thought he had more important things to do than to serve our listeners. Tar and feather him! But be gentle. He has … Continue reading S1:E12 From Books to Movies to Crap →

It’s finally here… SEASON ONE: EPISODE ELEVEN! NICOLAS CAGE! We haven’t been this excited about an episode since… the last one. This episode has 439% more Nicolas Cage than any other episode ever! Even still, we’re not sure if we’ve done him enough justice. He is our protector. Our hero. Our entrainment. Our joy. Peace. … Continue reading S1:E11 NICOLAS CAGE MARATHON →

Welcome to the pivotal #10! This changes everything! Season 1: Episode 10 goes where no podcast has ever gone before! Ok… none of that is true.  I mean, it is episode 10. That’s true. But otherwise it’s a pretty mediocre walk through awesomeness. Let’s be real, we’ve never done anything less than awesome. Movie Reviews: … Continue reading S1:E10 A Movie By Any Other Name →

Season 1: Episode 8 takes a look at two 80's favorites which are headed to the box office to take a beating. We also came near enough to having a theme of Singing Teenie Boppers. Actually, given the direction of Terminator: Genisys, we might have managed it anyway.

This is the episode you’ve been waiting for! Well, so like, you finished Episode 7 and figured 8 was coming next… AND IT DID! And now you are excited! We have some thoughtful podcast critiques from Stu, Avery embraces the hope of Jim White and Eli takes a moment to formally take a dump on … Continue reading S1:E8 Great Jim White Hope →

Don’t be mislead by the title. I mean, if the title made you think  this wouldn’t be a terribly offensive episode then right, don’t be mislead. It is exactly that. But not by design! Pinky swear! In this episode, the cast helps Avery who is struggling to name a segment that should be pretty easily … Continue reading S1:E7 Tyler Perry’s Fantastic Four →

Avery, Eli and Stu leave the mic running and discuss Netflix’s Daredevil WARNING: This special episode contains a plethora of spoilers. This isn’t our norm, so we thought we’d warn you. Netflix: Daredevil

What happens when a host of a podcast shows up to a recording on drugs? Are pretty awesome podcast, that’s what. And just to clarify, that host was Stu. And that drug was caffeine. Avery‘s thankful for an opportunity to nerd out over the new Starwars trailer (and it won’t be the last time). And … Continue reading S1:E6 Straight Men →

This is a special 420 edition of Premature Evaluators! Nah… we didn’t even really know it was 420 until pretty late in the day. We’re not hip anymore. Well, Eli and Avery aren’t hip anymore. Stu isn’t in this episode. He was “working”. Also… Eli sh**s on Kevin Smith for 30 minutes. This episode is … Continue reading S1:E5 Probably About Kevin Smith →

Premature Evaluators are in full-effect! That means something to somebody… Why are you even really reading the show notes? They kind of suck right now. The whole site kind of sucks right now. But that’s just because we’re putting so much effort and time into providing you, the listeners, with a quality podcast! Oh… And … Continue reading S1:E4 Not About Dildos →

We’re going to open up to you guys a little. Let you into our thoughts and hearts. This is probably the first recording that we don’t feel ashamed of. I mean, not totally… Please take a listen and provide us with any feedback that you might have. Believe us, we take feedback to heart. (The … Continue reading S1:E3 Cybernatural →