Cock and Ball

'It's like opening a pack of Starburst and finding out you've got the green one'In this pod, Jim and Jules take on the task of dissecting another topsy-turvy week for Tottenham. After finding out that Spurs can't do it on a cold, wet night in Burnley after all, they discuss fine margins, Conte's tantrums, and a much-improved performance at Leeds, which saw the back of Marcelo Bielsa. They also look ahead to this week's FA Cup game up at Middlesbrough.Substance and satire in your handy, weekly podcast. COYS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

WE ARE BACK!We actually have an episode to bring you this week as Tom, Ash and Jim could be arsed to record. Tom welcomes our Russian overlords, Ash talks about managing IBS and JIM makes sure that the lads actually talk about football after a magnificent Spurs performance away at the Etihad. Join us as we lavish praise on Kane and the squad as a whole and relish being another side's bogey team for once, with all the substance and satire you have come to expect from Cock & Ball.If you like what you hear, please rate, review and recommend. COYS See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

" I don't know what the Korean is for "meep meep" but my God he's quick"Hope is a fragile thing, but Jules and Fenn are full of beans after a classy 3-1 win over Brighton last weekend. Join the lads to answer only fun questions like is Kane back to his best, could Cuti be one of our greatest centre halves, and why is Bentacur already our alpha midfielder?The boys also predict a punchy FA Cup run, preview our two winnable league games (famous last words) and answer listener questions. That's right, there's more than one of you after all.Your favourite blend of satire, substance and slapstick. Share the pod and don't forget to rate and review. COME ON YOU SPURS!" See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

With special guest Steve from The Hot Spurs Podcast!Two podcasts in one, you lucky people! First, Ash and Jules are joined by the wonderful Steve to answer important Spurs questions such as Nando's or Bella Italia and Chick King or Sam's? Later they are once again joined by Cock and Ball's Serie A correspondent Chris, as the trio dissect the incomings and outgoing from January.If you enjoy the Pod, please review, recommend and subscribe. COYS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Runs like an Emu with clubfoot"Late goals and sh*t shows; join Tom, Ash and Jules as they navigate the highs of the late, late show at the King Power Stadium and a fourth defeat of the season to our West London rivals at Stamford Bridge. Ash forgets to use words, Tom makes noises and Jules tells it how it is.Don't forget to like, review and recommend to all your COYS AF mates. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"The only thing that's worked hard is his fork!"Ah Spurs; the things you do to us. Ash and Jules summon up their courage to wince their way through a bad week at White Hart Lane. A limp exit to the Cobham cretins, a stuttering win against Morecambe and our players looking as weak as our transfer business. Just as well there isn't anything significant on the horizon... apart from Eric Dier's booming podcast presence. Join for our classic blend of Spursy satire, substance and self-loathing. We know you'd have it no other way. COYS See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘He's Santa but he's slimmed down and had a hair transplant'After a Christmas break, Tom, Jim and Jules are back to talk about Spurs' games over the festive period. They look at whether the draw against Southampton should be a cause for concern, the late win over Watford, and come dangerously close to giving Harry Winks some credit. Substance, satire and a bit of new year cheer. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"The cock had gone soft for a while. Then Conte came in and suddenly we've gone a bit hard, haven't we?"After a short hiatus from Spurs actually playing football, the boys are back this week to give you some much-needed analysis and festive cheer. Tom, Ash, Jim and Jules look back on Tottenham's 2-2 draw with Liverpool, ask whether Harry Winks can actually play football after all, and come up with as many Christmassy football puns as they can think of.It's your usual handy podcast, full of the substance you come for and the satire you stay for.Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code CLEANBALLS at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpodMerry Spursmas. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Would you leave your dog with him?"Oh Spurs. The things you do to us. Join Fenn and Jules to wince through our embarrassing defeat to NS Mura, whether Santa Claus saved us from a Burnley bruising and just how badly we can mess up back-to-back games against newly promoted Brentford and Norwich. If nothing else, we can always laugh.Don't forget to rate, review, and pass the pod to another Spursy mate. Or frankly, anyone. COME ON YOU SPURS!Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code CLEANBALLS at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"It's like being at the birthday party of a 5 year old and clapping when they blow out the candle"An injury crisis at Cock and Ball means the return of Ash's big bro Chris, this week the brothers discuss victory at home to Leeds and preview NS Mura and Burnley. Join us as Ash seeks cheap thrills and Chris requests a Conte pitch invasion.Please remember to rate, review and recommend. COYS!Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code CLEANBALLS at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"It doesn't matter who it is, Spurs will break him: it's our thing"This week Fenn and Ash were delighted to be joined by Spurs podcast royalty and host of The Fighting Cock, Flav. Tom and Ash explore Flav's love of Spurs before debating who makes it into a Spurs Cult XI.Don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. COYSAnd! Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code CLEANBALLS at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'I'm a nervous man because of the crimes I've committed'[Disclaimer: we're only joking. No crimes were committed before, during or after the making of this podcast by your favourite foursome].After a mixed week with a win in Europe and a dull away draw against our Northern cousins, it's left to Tom, Ash, Jules and Jim to contemplate the start of the Antonio Conte era.Have we learnt anything new after these two games? Will Ash ever accept criticism of an Italian manager? Did Jim ever make it home for tea?It's these kind of questions and more that help us keep on the Spursy train. Take a listen to your favourite blend of satire, substance and slapstick, share the pod and don't forget to rate and review. COYSGet 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code CLEANBALLS at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"He essentially fit in at Spurs like a foot in a glove"Fenn is joined by Jim and Ash as they swim the swampy waters of last week in N17, including the departure of Nuno and hiring of a certain feisty Italian. Ash fails to contain his excitement, Fenn evidences his lack of culture and Jim is worried about a cat. The lads also try to come up with a suitable Conte chant, prepare to be disappointed but amused"If you are #COYSAF don't forget to review, recommend and subscribe. UP THE SPURS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"He's the emo at a pop party"This week, Jim and Jules do their best to try and not talk about back-to-back losses at Vitesse and West Ham. As they recorded before the Burnley game, and thanks to editing wizarding hitherto unseen in podcasting, Tom and Ashley decide to show their face as Spurs progress in the League Cup against Burnley. Seamless. Don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. COYS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"But alas, we ruined Geordie Arabia"Tom is joined by Ash and Jim to discuss the spectacle surrounding Spurs' 3-2 victory over the Magpies and the game itself. Jim searches for moral compasses, Ash finds a link between Vitesse and Dj Luck and Mc Neat and Tom wonders what excites Martin Taylor. The lads also preview the upcoming fixtures at Vitesse and Stratford.Don't forget to rate, review and recommend to a friend. COME ON YOU SPURS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"I disagreed with everything you said about the Arsenal game. This is personal now."This week, Tom, Jim and Ashley dissect Tottenham's wins over NS Mura and Aston Villa. They talk about Nuno's change of system, how good Heung-Min Son is, junctions on the motorway, and a very fat man called Daniel Lambert. As you do.Substance and satire in your handy, weekly podcast. COYS See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"It wasn't good, was it?"Oh Spurs, what are you doing to us? Ash, Jules and Jim get aboard the unhappy ship Spurs to ruminate on a dismal North London Derby defeat. Was it the fault of the players, the tactics, or our metaphorical (and sometimes literal) anchor Harry Kane? Who knows. Either way, we sail on to another Europa Conference game on Thursday and look on the horizon as the Villans come to town with all the satire, humour and tales of s**thousery we can muster.Review, subscribe, and pass the pod. COYS. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"If he had to kick a puppy in the face to win a game, you know he'd do it"Ash is joined by Jim and it's the return of big bro Chris. The lads ponder on the result against Rennes, the meltdown at home to that Oil rich team from West London and the Carabao Cup victory against Portugal FC. Ash calls for Hojbjerg's appointment as player-manager, Jim tells a story about the Chuckle Brothers and Chris plays a game of Snog, Marry, Kill.Don't forget to review, subscribe and tell a friend. COME ON YOU SPURS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It turns out Eagles are tougher than Cocks. Join Ash, Jim and Jules to dissect a comprehensive battering at the weekend featuring a terrible Tanganga, midfield doppelgängers and three centre back combinations about as useful as a chocolate teapot. It's okay though because we can remedy the situation with some Brittany based dish recommendations ahead of Thursday's ECL group opener at Rennes, and then predict how the visit of QPR with oil will go this Sunday in the groundbreaking Carbon Net-Zero match.Some Spursy satire because reality is just too much sometimes. Like, subscribe and pass the pod. COYS See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"The Italians never learned from Vesuvius"Who said the international break was quiet? Join Ash, Tom and Jules as they marvel at Argentina's ludicrous logistical nightmare, reminisce about fruit smuggling and their own security checks(!), and of course gaze into the Crystal ball for this weekends fixture. All your usual Spursy satire in the time it takes to walk from Seven Sisters to White Hart Lane. If you like what you hear, don't forget to subscribe, review and tell and friend. COYS See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"The International Break is the footballing equivalent of blue balls"Jim is joined by Ash and Jules aboard the the good ship Spurs for a merry chat about this week in N17. Along with reviewing Pacos, Watford and discussing the transfer window, Jim explores the Essex coast, Ash passionately defends Ndombele and Jules enjoys French pastry.If you like what you hear, please subscribe, review and tell a friend. COYS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“A beaver done a cock”This week, Tom and Ash reluctantly navigate around the midweek loss against the City of Furniture before diving into the wolf pack and coming out with our feathers' intact following a hard-fought win at Wolves. Additionally, Shakespeare gets a non-essential reboot in an ode to Romero (I think you can see where this is going) and the boys look ahead to getting into the “UCL proper” and continuing our perfect start against Watford this weekend. Still short-staffed, still soothingly entertaining.Please subscribe, review and tell a friend. COME ON YOU SPURS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"He was probably sitting there with his brother playing Lego"This week, Tom and Ashley crudely drill into a hilariously shocking win against the reigning champions, lay into Kane a bit more, and applaud the start of the new era under Nuno. Plus, the search for a Tanguy continues, and there is much debate about how to pronounce our next “UCL” opponents. Less podders, same amount of substance and satire. Follow, subscribe and tell your friends. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"I've seen rock formations move more quickly"The light is darkest before the dawn, or so they say. Join Ash, Jim, Tom and Jules as they preview the coming season, whether Tanguy is spending too much time in the canteen and the current whereabouts of he-who-must-not-be-named. Your usual dose of Spursy satire is back for another season: you love to see it.As ever, please review, subscribe and tell mate. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"He looks weaker than a Sun headline"As Don Paratici does the business, Ash and Jules take a moment to cherish our departing icons and welcome our new signings. Erik will ball roll no more; Toby is done at the Carvery; and who the hell is Cristian Romero?If you like what you hear, please like, subscribe and recommend to a friend. COME ON YOU SPURS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Don't nutmeg a senior pro, that'll be a no no!"As pre-season gets underway, Jules, Tom and Jim speak to Wolverhampton Wanderers' sports scientist Raj Soni-Tricker about preparations for the new campaign, how sports science has changed the game and what Spurs fans can expect from new boss Nuno Espírito Santo.As always please review, subscribe and tell a mate. COYS! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Well that was nice, wasn't it?As the Euros are finished with until 2024, the boys looks back on an incredible tournament which saw Italy narrowly beat England in the final at Wembley. They talk through what this new crop of England players mean for the country, Ashley revels in being Italian, and the boys' predictions turn out to be as daft as you'd expect.Thanks for listening! Feedback welcome. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'I know what my DNA is, it's why I'm ginger... the Tottenham DNA is just Russian dolls, but with bottles'In the first podcast of the 2021/22 season, Tom, Ash, Jim and Jules react to the news that Spurs' search for a manager, which has seemingly been going on since the 50s, is finally over. Nuno Espírito Santo is the man in the hot seat now - what will he bring, and how excited should Spurs supporters be?We've had a rebrand too (let us know what you think), but it's still the same old substance and satire. Felicidades! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“You upset me in the last pod to be honest. You were all ‘oooh, nice little plucky Leicester'”In this bumper podcast to mark the end of the season, (don't walk too quickly down Seven Sisters…) Tom, Jim, Jules and Ash take a look back at the campaign for Tottenham, have a look at the final two league games of the season, and answer questions as varied as ‘should Gareth Bale stay?' and ‘Is Thai green curry nice?'Meanwhile, Jules and Ash have a… minor disagreement about penalties while everyone else gets out the popcorn, and we talk about what is to come this summer.Your usual substance and satire. Thanks for listening. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘We were playing a Wolves side that showed about as much enthusiasm as I do at church.’The boys are back to look over a remarkably unremarkable win over Wolves. From Del Boy and our Viking leader to Eric’s vegetable needs, Jules Ash and Jim chat about what makes Leicester so special, the lessons we can learn and why sky have such a crush on Conner bloody Coady. Join us for a gentle saunter with substance, satire and laughter at the end of a season we’re quite glad to see the back of.. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“That was my leeds supporting girlfriend, I’ve since changed the locks and not spoken to her"After a chastening and comprehensive defeat, Tom, Ash and Jules muse over the possibility of a Bielsa-fuelled future or frankly, anything other than the present.The lads also touch on Potterball, the importance of some expertise at the top of the club (sigh) and what we need to get back to upper mid table mediocrity.As ever some attempted satire and substance in the time it takes to walk from Seven Sisters to White Hart Lane, maybe even for a £60 sudo-friendly against Aston Villa. Glorious. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"I'm a fan of an average doner, l'm a fan of Stuart Dallas"Feast on our unedited, all natural Cock and Ball. This was completely planned and had nothing to do with Ash forgetting to save the edit.This week Tom is joined by Ash and Jules as they revel in the demolishing of an abject Sheffield United and Bale's brilliance. Tom also delves into the THFC Trust statement and what direction the club needs to move in. Plus they look ahead to this weekend’s fixture against Bielsa much-admired LeedsAll the satire and substance you expect from us, in the time is takes to walk from Seven Sisters to White Hart Lane (via Chick-King) See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'It felt like we brought a water pistol to a gun fight.'This week, Tom, Ash, Jim and Jules look back on Spurs' narrow defeat in the League Cup final and discuss what could've been done differently. They look ahead to the rebuilding job for the squad in the summer, who the new manager could be - and more pressingly, the weekend's game against already-relegated Sheffield United.Your usual, handy mix of substance and satire. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“I hope José is crying into a glass of whiskey, contemplating his life choices”This week, Tom and Ashley (and a belated Jim) welcome Ash’s brother Chris to the pod. In a turbulent week for Spurs, we rejoice in an end to the so-called European Super League, the sacking of Jose Mourihno and an inspired win for Ryan Mason’s first game in charge. Plus we take a closer look as some of the club’s other obscure suppliers beyond the Dulux Dog and do our best to predict the outcome of the biggest game of the season in the shape of the League Cup final versus Man City.If we're your cup of tea, please subscribe, review and tell a mate. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'As a certain man said, there used to be a football club over there. I can't believe we might have to say that again'.In a Third Eye podcast special, the boys give their reaction to the news that 12 European football clubs - including six from England - plan to break away and form their own European 'Super League' competition. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'Spurs are a rival to City in the same way I'm a rival for Blake Lively with Ryan Reynolds'.This week, Tom, Jules and Ash look back on Spurs' 3-1 defeat to Manchester United. Jules talks about some of the tactical decisions Tottenham made, Tom looks at a possible future without Harry Kane, and Ash wonders how José Mourinho picks his defenders. The boys also look ahead to Everton, which no-one is planning to watch because they'll be drunk instead. Wahey!Mostly substance, just a little satire. Slainte. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'I don’t understand why he’s not the messiah any more. He’s just a very naughty boy.'This week, Tom, Jim and Jules look back on Spurs' 2-2 draw with Newcastle United, and look ahead to the weekend's game against the other United, which occasionally won things once. The boys dissect what went wrong, what the future could look like for Spurs and why Joelinton loves Tottenham. They also find out who the best Desmond is and talk about buses a lot.Substance, Easter puns, and even some satire too. You love to see it. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Introducing the all-new Third Eye Podcast from Cock & Ball - looking at some of the big issues and discussion points from across the game.In this season opener, the boys talk about international football ahead of Euro 2020, asking the question on everyone's lips: Is football coming home?Let us know what you think through the usual Cock & Ball socials. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'I don’t just want to see José fired. I want to see him fired out of a cannon!'This week, Tom, Ash, Jim and Jules look back at Tottenham's disasterclass in the Europa League, and the Premier League win at Aston Villa too. Tom talks about pies, Jim wonders whether Joe Hart knows how to function as a normal human, Ash dreams of firing José in more ways than one, and Jules reminisces about the 90s.Lovely, pie-based substance, coupled with the satire you crave. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"I'm going to level with you, lads. We're talking about a game I didn't even watch..."This week, Tom, Jim, Ash and Jules look back at Tottenham's Europa League win over Dinamo Zagreb, and the North London Derby loss to Arsenal. They also look ahead to this week's games. Tom makes us wonder why cereal is a thing; Jim talks about why goal music shouldn't be a thing; Ash questions whether Spurs' defence is a thing; and Jules questions what to do with a thing called José Mourinho...A little bit of substance, plenty of satire. You're welcome. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'Does anyone strike the ball better than Bale? I think the only thing that strikes better is the French!'This week, Jim is joined by Ash, Jules and a temporarily-substituted Tom to look back on another two wins for Spurs over recent days. Jim gets everybody singing, Tom learns at 27 years old what a sieve is, Ash defends defenders like any self-respecting Italian should, and Jules compares Davinson Sanchez to a dog. Or maybe a cat. We're not quite sure.Anyway. Substance. Satire. Spurs. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'He's a bit of a tool isn't he? And not a sharp one'.In this week's pod, Tom, Ash and Jules look back on two 4-0 wins for Spurs in the Europa League against Wolfsberger, and the Premier League against Burnley. Tom talks about what Spurs' best back four is; Ash discusses Tottenham's younger players; Jules has things to get off his chest about Eric Dier; and Jim gave it a miss, so sat laughing while he cut out all the naughty bits of the pod which could land us in hot water.A bit of substance, mainly satire. You know the drill. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'Sissoko the GOAT? I think the goat needs sacrificing!'This week, Tom, Jim, Ash and Jules look back at Spurs’ Europa League victory away at Wolfsberger and the Premier League loss at West Ham. Tom gets everyone playing ‘stadium or service station’, Jim talks about the captaincy, Ash looks for positives, and Jules questions Heung-min Son’s form.Substance and satire in a handy forty minutes. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Is Lllwll Spurs' form over the last six games, or the name of a Welsh town?"This week, Tom, Jim, Ash and Jules look back at a disappointing week for Tottenham with losses at Everton and Manchester City. Tom isn't quite sure how he feels about Spurs any more, Jim explains why you shouldn't try to eat a Wolfsberger, Ash says nice things about Harry Winks, and Jules confuses his own substitution with something altogether more... Valentine's Day-themed.It's the substance and satire you need for that commute you're not doing because you're working from home. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Vinicius looked lonelier than an Incel with no internet" This week Tom, Ash and Jules discuss Chelsea blues, the Lamela conundrum and bouncing back against the Baggies. They also tackle some listener questions including the best dancers in N17. Join us as we review another week in the life of a Spurs fan and look forward to our games against Everton and Manchester City with our typically satirical outlook. Don't forget to subscribe and review! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'The problem is, our manager is a dinosaur, and the meteor's on its way'.This week, Tom, Jim, Ash and Jules look back at defeats for Tottenham against Liverpool and Brighton. They also look ahead to games against Chelsea and West Brom; and they answer all the important questions, like: 'How many chickens would it take to overpower a lion?'; 'Is it a bacon butty or a bacon sandwich?' and 'What's the best kind of meal deal at Tesco?'It's the substance and satire you love us for. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'The Wycombe keeper's kit looked like it was made out of recycled mid-2000s Powerpoint presentations'.This week, Tom, Ash, Jim and Jules look back at Tottenham's clinical win over Wycombe Wanderers, and look ahead to the Liverpool and Brighton games. Ash talks about what worked at Wycombe, Jim takes us through a fishy Spurs XI, and Jules tries to do a northern accent...Listen. Follow. Share. You know the drill. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"They were torn apart, like a Peshwari naan at a curry night"This week, Tom, Ash, Jim and Jules look back at Spurs' 1-1 draw against Fulham at Craven Cottage, and a good 3-1 win at Sheffield United. Ash talks about how good Tanguy Ndombele is, Jim looks at some Spurs stats, Tom makes fish puns, and Jules disappears halfway through to eat gnocchi, so that's nice.Let us know what you think, spread the word and send us any questions you have. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Offside is like being pregnant. You can't be a bit pregnant. You can't be a bit offside."This week, Tom, Jules, Jim and Ash take a look back at two cup wins for Spurs, against Brentford and Marine. They talk about the magic of the FA Cup, which side they'd put out in a combined Aston Villa-Fulham XI, and they look forward to the games against the Cottagers and Sheffield United.As ever, let us know what you think, and give us a follow. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'Doherty looks like a dog who's lost his owner'.In the first pod of 2021, Tom, Jim, Ash and Jules look back at Spurs' convincing win over Leeds United. Tom takes us through the Spurs 100 goal list, Ash discusses Jimmy Greaves, Jim talks about Marine manager Neil Young, and Jules... well, Jules is there too.Let us know what you think, and Happy New Year! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

'Zaniolo hasn't got knees and Lamela hasn't got hips, but between them you might be able to stitch together a Frankenstein's footballer.'In the last pod of 2020, Tom, Ash, Jim and Jules talk about Spurs being able to do it on a cold night in Stoke after all; but not being able to escape from the Wolves' lair with three points. They also look ahead to Fulham, Leeds and the January transfer window.Have a good New Year, and give us a follow! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.