Elephant Talk

Andy speaks with Bing Liu, director of the 2018, Oscar nominated documentary Minding the Gap.    They discuss how boys become men and the masculine script in America through the lens of Bing’s childhood growing up in suburban Illinois, without a loving father figure.   

Wrapping up season 2, Andy shares his thoughts on Elephant Talk.

Winding down season two, we bring you another follow up to an earlier ET conversation. Jo and Jacob appeared in episode 10, and were disappointed with how we set up their conversation. It didn’t reflect their experience. We invited them back to learn where we went wrong. We’re thankful they reached out! 

From Fayetteville, Arkansas, and the ET summer road trip, come two elderly couples who share their secret sauce to partnership. And because of listener interest, we follow up with Stacie from episode 13, about her decision not to have children in her relationship with Kenyon. Enjoy!

Ever wondered what the world of coupledom looks like from a bartender’s perspective? Elephant Talk spoke with three bartenders last year to learn what role the bartender plays in couples’ lives.

Andy turns the lens on himself. In the spirit of Elephant Talk’s mission to be open, honest, and real about our relationships, we bring you a conversation with Andy and his ex-wife, Carol. They talk about their marriage and what went wrong.

Our conversations today span the arc of relationship--from moving in together for the first time, to reconnecting and finding love again after decades. Alex and Zack discuss their decision to live together after two years of long-distance relating.    Michael and Robin from episode eight, come back to share their marriage counseling philosophy. They talk about gratitude, relationship performance art, and getting couples off the fence of ambivalence.

Witnessing change is our subject today. We hear all the time, we’re not supposed to “fix” our partner, but how do we move away from that to something else? Our couples today, Hilary and Pierre and Alexander and Janice, have been married a long time. They both have practices that keep them curious about their partner and help them evolve together rather than apart.

We all have trauma of one sort or another. How does our trauma impact our relationships? Keith and Annie have been together for a number of years. Their partnership has some risk taking and adventure. And, like so many of us, childhood trauma is in there also...and it offers them an opportunity to look at how they relate to one another.

Larry and Macy found each other later in life and delighted in their shared eccentricities--chihuahuas, jello, and colorful clothes. Then, Larry was diagnosed with colon cancer. Their path through his illness is nothing less than truly inspiring and shows us the power of words.   BDSM...Master/Slave...are you feeling uncomfortable or perhaps excited? Meet Orpheus and Indigo. Married more than two decades, their relationship is an example of how great communication equals amazing intimacy.  

Sara Connell is a domme, a sex educator and a polyamorous transgender woman. She hosts the Queer Sex Ed podcast. Our producer, Kim Poletti, talked with her about her experience coming out as bisexual and then as a trans person. Jonathan and Daniel opened up about their experiences coming out as gay in small-town Texas. They’ve been dating two years and describe the support each gives the other as they evolve individually.

Elephant Talk met these two couples on the road last summer in Texas. Bob and Peggy have been married 40 years and keep their relationship light-hearted by using humor and not taking things personally. They’ve enjoyed an adventurous life together from dinner at the White House to living abroad for a decade.    James and Jacy met as teenagers and married seven years later. As newlyweds in their early twenties, they represent a smaller number of couples in the US choosing to marry early. More couples are waiting until later in their twenties to tie the knot. James and Jacy share their story of dating, breaking up, and coming back together.

This episode is about things that can divide us...step children, politics, race. And, it’s about how these two couples choose their common love over the areas of tension, every single day. Katie and Talyn are a biracial couple and Talyn is a step-parent to Katie’s children.    Richard and Parie are step-parents to each others children. They also have very different political beliefs. Both couples demonstrate moving beyond their differences in support of the greater love they share.

Marypat and Kurt have been married 21 years. In addition to their deep love for one another, they also have significant areas of disagreement including finances and how to raise their kids. This episode explores their love story and challenges. We follow their conversation with a counseling session between Dr. Susan Heitler and Marypat and Kurt. We hear how language can be a powerful tool for re-writing our story and bringing collaboration back to the relationship.

Despite a diagnosis of brain cancer, Kevin was an optimist and continued to "make it a great day" every day until the end. This is a story of finding love and letting it go. A story of how we learn to let love in. A story of Emily and Kevin and life after his passing.

Sometimes one plus one equals four. Two different couples show how their gifts to the world are multiplied as a couple. Sienna and Aldo run a small artisanal chocolate company and became first-time parents shortly after we spoke. Raj and Gaby used their relationship as a tool for self-growth. Now, they counsel other couples on how to be proactive about relationship health.

Human beings are wired for connection. Disabled people have the same desire for connection as non-disabled people. Dr. Danielle Sheypuk is a disability-rights advocate and psychologist who specializes in dating, relationships, and sexuality among disabled people. She crusades to normalize disability within the dating world, and shatter the stereotypes and prejudices about disabled people. The possibility for steadfast love and a hot sex life is there for everyone.

Amy Baglan is on a mission to evolve the online dating world. Using her startup experience and her passion for yoga and the mindful life, she founded YogaDates in 2012, which grew into the online dating site MeetMindful. MeetMindful is a place where individuals can connect with people interested in health and wellness, mindfulness, personal growth, or spirituality. Our host, Andy Horning, sat down with Amy to learn more about the seeds of MeetMindful and how it has impacted her own dating life.

Host Andy Horning talks with Rich Tafel, Managing Director of Raffa Social Capital Advisors and the former President of Public Squared, a social entrepreneur strategy-consulting firm. Rich's passion is driven by a belief that we are all here to make the world a better place. From 1993 to 2002, Rich was the founding Executive Director of the Log Cabin Republicans, advocating equal rights for LGBT people in the U.S. He was one of America’s earliest political activists campaigning for gay marriage. He also pastors Church of the Holy City in Washington, D.C.

Host Andy Horning talks with Global Glue Project co-founder Gillian Pierce. The Global Glue Project's mission is to discover the glue that holds couples together. It is a relationship conservation project, filming couples around the world about the beginnings, middles and ends of all things relationship. Gillian talks about the inspiration behind the Project and how it's affected her personal view of love.

In recognition of June being PTSD Awareness Month, Host Andy Horning talks with disabled military veteran Tim Hilke. They discuss Tim's experience being a suicide survivor, living with PTSD, and how these illnesses have affected Tim's wife, their marriage and their life together.

Host Andy Horning talks with his parents, Lynn and Joe, about their fifty-six years of marriage, raising four kids, and how aging has changed both their individual and partnership transformations. Andy also reflects with his siblings about their varied experiences and personal intentions based on what was learned from growing up with their parents.

Comedian and TV host W. Kamau Bell often talks about how good things come from awkward conversations. Andy asks listeners, "What's the cost of not having courageous conversations? What would it be like if we embraced awkwardly courageous moments in our relationships and in our lives?"

Is sex purely a pleasure state? Or, can we use it to open a window into our own spirituality and who we are as energy beings? Grace and Corwin in their 20’s practice a form of Taoist sexuality. They see their relationship as an art form, a third entity that guides them to unexpected places. Contrasting in age but similar in practice, Andy and Johanina in their 70’s, see their relationship as an improvisation. They were each married before and knew one another for years before seeing each other with new eyes.

Stacie was 28, Kenyon was 42. Kenyon is already a father of two kids and has decided he doesn’t want any more children. For Stacie, a young woman in a relatively new stepfamily relationship, the unanswered question remains if she wants kids of her own in the future. In the second half of the show, Andy talks with Waylon Lewis, founder of the online magazine Elephant Journal, and host of the webcast “Walk the Talk.” They discuss Buddhism, dating, and how Waylon’s mom is ready for him to get married.

Jimmy Kimmel shared a difficult experience with his newborn son in an emotional opening monologue on May 2, 2017. There was a deep connection he gave his audience by being vulnerable, open and strong. 

Sympathy can turn to empathy when we share the same experience with another person and connect more deeply through it. Mark and Deb’s story shows how the power of their shared experience and their shared faith helped them through multiple unforeseen struggles. In the second half, Andy talks with Dr. Susan Heitler, an author and clinical psychologist at the Rose Medical Center in Denver. She and Andy talk about the importance of words that create tension, like "but," and words that enhance togetherness, like "and," as well as her 6 Safe Sentence Starters for couples.

He was experienced in the world of non-monogamy. She was a neophyte. Together, Robert and Morgan live into their sexual desires and remain committed to one another. Their recipe is one of rules, deep listening, and holding space for the hurt. Andy also talks with Orpheus Black, an author and erotic educator, specializing in hierarchical dynamics, non-monogamous relationships, and extreme sexual encounters. They discuss building safety and trust between partners wanting to explore kink, BDSM, and meditative bondage.

Jacob was four years into his transition when he and Jo met, and fairly new to being read as male. Jo had been out as a queer woman. Their story of courtship, marriage and family has the commonalities of what many consider a typical relationship. But underneath it all are layers of insecurity, apprehension and distress. In the second half of the show, Andy talks with Carole Clements, a professor and practitioner of contemplative psychology. They discuss the evolving vocabulary and terms regarding gender and identity.

A bonus segment of Andy's talk with Carole Clements, professor and practitioner of contemplative psychology. They discuss the evolving vocabulary and terms regarding gender, identity, and heteronormativity. 

After a year of letter corresponding, Sheila and Joe decided to meet in person for the first time. She took the bus to the prison and waited for Joe in the visiting room. That first meeting lasted five hours. Two years later they were married. It would be twelve more years before Joe was released from prison and they could begin their life together on the outside. Andy talks with Dr. Sue Johnson, relationship researcher, teacher, developed of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and author of the seminal books Hold Me Tight and Love Sense.

Michael and Robin's relationship was built from obligation, guilt, and crisis. Years later they reevaluated their marriage and recognized they were still in love with each other but not with the relationship.  Andy talks with Dr. Julie Hanks, a licensed clinical social worker, family therapist, consultant, and author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships.

For fifteen years, Host Andy Horning has met twice a month with the same group of men. The only rules are to show up, be honest, be open to feedback, and share the space together. Andy asks, "What does it mean to be both a man and a husband in a partnership?"Andy talks with evolutionary biologist Marc Bekoff about the importance of studying animal behavior to understand human behavior.

Most people might think that an intimate partnership of two sex educators would be filled with crazy hot sex. But, what happens when two experts who know all the answers to a fulfilling sex life start to feel under pressure? Andy talks with documentary filmmaker Doug Block about the real secret to a happy marriage.

When Shannon told his personal story of infidelity to the public, it was only his side of the story. Even years after the affairs, he didn't know Cindy's true feelings or point of view. Andy talks with creative mogul Alex Bogusky about how to advertise real love.

"Our relationship is an improvisation. I want to dance with you, and discover new steps." Elephant Talk's Valentine's Day bonus episode. 

In a society that has not historically valued or recognized interracial and cross-cultural couples, Charles and Paolo see their relationship as a testament to the multifaceted nature of intimate relationship. Travel writer Kyle Wagner talks about her assertion that travel can be the ultimate test of a relationship.

When they met, she was Medusa and he was Captain Jack Sparrow. Their love of characters didn’t stop there. Tracey and Sam have been together for over twelve years. During this time, their relationship has been tested again and again, with illnesses, injuries, loss and despair. Convergence Coach Raven Wells unveils what he calls our culture’s greatest myth and truest religion - romantic love.

Kai is from the US and Xia was born and raised in China. They met while he was teaching English literature at a university in China and have been married for more than ten years. When Kai is given a life-threatening diagnosis, Xia feels her “luck” has run out. Mind-Body therapist Dr. Katherine Puckett discusses why it’s more important to be real than optimistic when managing illness with a partner.

Love, real love, in all of its raw, beautiful, dirty, confusing, funny, ugly, and sexy forms is what connects us. It’s the grittier sides just as much as the beautiful sides of love that make partnership wonderful. Curiosity and a passion for finding connection, fresh perspectives, and honest communication are the driving force behind every episode. Tune in, it is time to explore real love.