UNsoulmated Podcast (or How to Ruin a Lasting Marriage with a Divorce)

UPDATE ON DAY 237+: My journal continues via the following locations: If you listen via SOUNDCLOUD, go to: https://soundcloud.com/user-656945584 If you listen via iTUNES, go to: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unsoulmated-2-or-how-to-survive-divorce-by-burning/id1426722406?mt=2 Or simply go to www.unsoulmated.com for all of the links available to listen to the entire show.

Day 236. I elaborate further on the peer who "waved" at me via Facebook and his history. In addition, I get a call from my ex for a serious talk about some things that my five-year old daughter told her.

Day 235. I get a Facebook "wave" today (the Facebook equivalent to a flirty wink) from someone I would not have expected to get a "wave" from, and it now adds a whole new dynamic I was not prepared for. So now I have to figure out a way to not only break the news gently to unwarranted advances from single women because I am not ready to date, I have to be prepared to break the same news to single men.

Day 234. There have been times in my life in which I would question why things could happen to me if there were a God who loved me. But then, so many instances in my life happen in ways that is hard to believe is simply coincidence, and these things always bring me back to my Faith.

Day 233. My first official booked gig is a success and I now have the bug for more bookings. At the same time, tonight's gig also put me in an awkward position that I believe I handled poorly and want to consider ways to be better at those kinds of situations in the future.

Day 232. There are opposing forces in the comedy community that I am a part of that wants the attention of the local comics: one that can offer more opportunities but less prominent ones, whereas the other offers fewer opportunities but the ones you get are high profile ones. My inner turmoil is to decide which one speaks to me more based on the character of the two organizers.

Day 231. I look back to the very moment my eyes were opened to my shortcomings when it came to seeing the broader world around me, and I owe that eye-opening moment to my Lost Soulmate. In addition, my new comedy bit on "Gay Marriage" is a hit.

Day 230. There's this guy that I went to high school with. Never really cared for him and I find his comments to often times be annoying and arrogant. Today he gives me some advice on dating and it's the worst advice I have ever heard so I put down my passive personality to ste the record straight with him.

Day 229. Because some people still believe that the traumatic thing about my divorce was that I was cheated on, I discuss the real reasons why my divorce was so upsetting to me, and it isn't because my spouse cheated on me.

Day 228. There is a change in the way the open mic is conducted on Mondays now and that is the addition of a voting system to determine who gets guest spots on featured shows. This is already proving to be a possible issue with the potential of people bringing in droves of their family and friends to vote for them.

Day 227. During my prayers and meditations the previous night, I feel a feeling I did not expect to be feeling right now, if ever. At first it frustrates me that I am feeling it but then I realize how important it is to my healing that I am feeling that way now.

Day 226. I am understanding more how difficult beginning comics have it but am ready to face the challenges that will come with beginning work as a professional comic. I only have to figure out how to care for my children while doing it.

Day 225. My friends try to be considerate by not bothering on what would have been my 15th wedding anniversary day yesterday but in reality, I wasn't at all sad about it and actually marked it a day of celebrating the freedom of ever having to recognize that day again.

Day 224. More news unfolds for the careers of creative talents such as James Gunn, Chris Hardwicke, and Dan Harmon, all of which were recently accused of bad behavior and having to deal with possible repercussions for their behavior. I talk about what this could mean for the industry. Also, I end with my comedy set from tonight about growing up Asian in a small town in the 80s.

Day 223. My predictions for the satirical site I was previously involved with comes true in an overwhelming way. Then a Friend Request acceptances leads to a completely awkward exchanged with someone I had do not remember who insists I should remember her.

Day 222. An article about marijuana use reminds me of a tender moment I had with my Lost Soulmate. Also, I get a message from my "Hot Chick" friend that makes me very happy for her.

Day 221. I story about one of my friend's first date with our ol' pal, NP Douche. This is a new story that I had not heard before and now I share it with you all.

Day 220. Friends reach out to try and cheer me up but some fall for the old trap of giving unwarranted advice. This is usually a pet peeve for me because it can come off as dismissive of your feelings. One friend in particular tries to "fix" everything by giving me a sermon on God and Faith but I find some loopholes in his philosophy.

Day 219. When I am alone and the children are with their mother, I risk the potential of giving into my depression. Today was one of those days because it just hit me that I have lost half of the time I would have had being with my children in their early years. That is a lot to lose and isn't fair considering that I was not the one to want to break up our family.

Day 218. The universe continues to lean in my favor, this time making it possible for me to find an excuse not to meet the young lady that I spoke to the night before, which is a relief due to the stress I was feeling about the possibility of hanging out with another woman right now. In addition, in entertainment news, James Gunn -- writer and director of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY -- gets fired for past comments he made, which is timely in my recent concerns about the satirical website I had originally been involved with.

Day 217. I get a get out of jail free card from the guy starting the satirical comedy site, which ends up being a relief for me. I back out of doing a new comedy bit due to annoying circumstances, but was able to watch two other unsure comics grow tonight in their own acts, which makes me happy to see.

Day 216. Some recent comments from people have gotten me wondering if the change in my physical fitness could end up typecasting me as someone who is not hilarious and funny. Although there are examples of comedians and comedic actors who are not overweight and miserable, the number of those is minute and could pose a challenge for me.

Day 215. A meme on my Facebook feed makes me ponder the nuances of dating in your 40s. The dynamics that you have to work around with people your age who have children and other complications that makes dating more difficult than what it was 20s years ago.

Day 214. I consider how serious you have to be to break into comedy and reflect on the fact that some people do not realize how serious it is and will use the open mic space for their own entertainment, which is considered disrespectful in the comedy circuit.

Day 213. My son calls me from his mother's, upset about the rules that he has to follow under my ex's fiance's roof. I do my best to show my son that I recognize his feelings but also to respect the rules that he has to follow when he is with his mother, even when they do not align with how we do things in my home.

Day 212. I wrap up my vacation week with the inevitable lecture talk from my brother. This time, he focuses on my divorce and things I did wrong leading up to my marriage. All of which I am fully aware of and was in no mood to have those old wounds opened again.

Day 211. A suggestion from a friend regarding an interested party who happens to be Atheist makes me consider what it would be like to date someone who does not share the same religion as I, and whether or not it is even possible.

Day 210. I am having difficulty with the idea of having to one day talk to my children about relationships when I, myself, am now against having relationships. But in order to allow them to have healthy relationships of their own, I have to overcome my own biases before I can have "the talk" with them.

Day 209. An interesting quandary popped into my head: if given the chance, would I change my views on dating if the person I could date were a celebrity? Not that this would ever be the case but hypothetically speaking, I decide that if given the chance, I would have to give it a hard pass.

Day 208. A conversation with my brother leads to discussions regarding how being popular can go to one's head. I consider this potential and how it will apply to myself one day.

Day 207. Traveling with children can be difficult but one thing I learned today was that it wasn't difficult is being able to travel without missing my wife. In fact, I didn't once think about her today, which is strange because this time last year, we took this very same trip as a married couple, so you would think the memory of this would make me miss her, but alas, I did not.

Day 206. My kids lately have been telling me all the things that annoy them about NP Douche. I admit that hearing these criticisms makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

Day 205.B. My rise to popularity in the local comedy scene is moving fast and I have already been invited to join some of the veteran comics for a entertainment website project they would like to start. I am genuinely excited by the prospects of doing comedy content for them and this project but the subject matter has me concerned how it could affect possible future career choices for myself.

Day 205. I continue my analysis of the Bible and how I believe it should be used in today's modern climate. This episode explores how I believe the New Testament was intended to override the inconsistencies and issues with the old law against the nature of human beings. The New Testament is a divine addendum to God's Law which He realize would be impossible for the humans that He created to follow. Jesus Christ didn't just die on the cross for our sins, but his sacrifice was also ushering in the new law, one driven by love and not just a list of things that we are not to do.

Day 204. As I begin preparing for my upcoming vacation with my kids, I have time to ponder my thoughts on what the Bible actually means in today's climate and formulate a new idea as to why there is an Old Testament and a New Testament. Part 1 of 2, I speak to the Old Testament and why God decided it needed to come to an end to make room for a New Testament.

Day 203. Comics are notorious for inadvertently offending people and having to apologize when they do. I seem to already am building that reputation for myself as an aspiring comic but have decided that only the rarest of circumstances will get an apology out of me. On the most part, if you simply have a different opinion about a subject, that's not enough to warrant an apology.

Day 202. Amidst all of the firecrackers outside, I am reminded of a not so great memory of dating from before my marriage and the continued engagement with this person today really brings it home that I don't ever want to be in the position again where any of my decisions in life has to include one other to be on board with those life decisions.

Day 201. A quiet day can be ruined by people being annoying. I learn from my five year old daughter that her mother has been telling her something that her mother and I had previously agreed we would never tell our children, then I am later bombarded with a whole slew of unwarranted advice from a family member about how to be a comedian.

Day 200. I get an unexpected apology from someone I didn't require an apology, and still have not gotten an apology from someone who should apologize to me. This makes it easy to forgive one and not the other. Also, I elaborate more on the idea of subjective comedy and growth in joke writing.

Day 199. Once again, life shows me that no matter what I do, it will decide when new opportunities should arise at its own pace. A am surprised by a new development I was not expecting today, tomorrow, or anytime soon. I am really hoping this new opportunity pans out.

Day 198. I slight change in plans but I am able to still talk to my friend who got divorced shortly before I found out about my impending divorce. I see similarities between his divorce and mine. I also learn that my other friend has had a change in heart when it comes to his life philosophy.

Day 197. Saturday evening, I will be hanging out with some old friends. The significance of these old friends involve history between us, but more recently, one of these friends got divorced 3-4 months before my wife announced we were separating. It will be interesting talking to this friend for the first time since his and my divorce.

Day 196. It's been years since I have felt like I was a part of a family outside of my own biological family. And now with my own family partially broken up, the desire to belong has become greater and tonight's open mic opened my eyes to my potential new family.

Day 195.B. I mentioned in a previous episode a short one-act play I wrote called "Rocks". I used this as an example of how subjective comedy can be. I personally had a lot of fun writing this little play but still wonder if I will probably ever be the only person in the world that finds the play amusing. This episode, I do a cold read of the play for your listening (dis)pleasure.

Day 195. There are benefits of just being in the friend zone, some of which can be very satisfying when you are single. But if you cannot handle being just friends without wanting to get physical, it's best you avoid it altogether.

Day 194. Over the years, I have formulated a position that states that it is more difficult for a dramatic actor to transition into comedic acting than it is for a comedic actor to do a dramatic performance. This has caused some of my peers who are really into drama to become rather, ahem, dramatic in that they do not agree with me, but I stand my ground.

Day 193. A friend advises me to set up potential partners by befriending single women I am attracted to, so when I am ready to date, my foot will already be in the door. I halfheartedly take this advice but my first attempt at setting the groundwork with one candidate proves to be much more drama than I want to deal with.

Day 192. You have to be careful when you are still healing from heartbreak because sometimes the most random things can trigger old feelings and then you are suddenly a blubbering mess by the koi pond. Today, a Billy Joel song does this to me.

Day 191. I suddenly realize today that things that were once drastic changes in my life has become normalized. In a way that indicates that I should be closer to a regular life again, without outrageous surprises and unexpected drama, and am happy about the prospect of all this change soon becoming "normal".

Day 190. An important learning for me that my ex could never fully grasp is the fact that in reality, even when I feel like no one notices me or cares to pay attention to me, people DO notice me and do catalog what they see about me.

Day 189. Another night at the comedy club. Tonight a fight almost breaks out and I get a public offer for a one-night stand. Plus, a really ridiculous comedy bit I wrote that I decided was too ridiculous to use onstage tonight, so instead, I am sharing it here.