Podcast appearances and mentions of krishna reddy

Durante a segunda metade do século XX, Paris serviu primeiro de escola de arte e depois como cidade agregadora do pensamento africano, com os maiores vultos culturais senegaleses, americanos, cubanos ou angolanos a passarem pela Cidade da Luz. A exposição "Paris Noir", no Centro Pompidou, conta este período e quer projectar estes artistas pioneiros no futuro. No pós-Segunda Guerra Mundial, numa altura os movimentos das independências estavam em pleno andamento em África, muitos pintores, escultores, mas também filósofos, escritores, poetas e pedagogos africanos ou vindos das Américas instalam-se a Paris, participando nas grandes correntes artísticas como o surrealismo ou o abstracionismo a partir dos anos 40. No entanto, esta passagem não tinha qualquer reflexo nas retrospectivas organizadas até hoje no Centro Pompidou, um museu parisiense dedicado à arte contemporânea.Esta reflexão, levou os curadores do museu a idealizarem a exposição "Paris Noir", aproveitando a ocasião para mostrar 40 obras adquiridas nos últimos anos pelo fundo dedicado ao continente africano no seio desta instituição francesa. Em entrevista à RFI, Eva Barois de Caevel, comissária associada desta exposição, explicou que a palavra noir, ou preto, vai muito para além da definição de uma raça ou de uma geografia, mas que a exposição agrega diferentes artistas que devido às suas origens foram vítimas de racismo ou subvalorizados no mundo da arte."Nesta exposição temos também, por exemplos afro-colombianos e afro-brasileiros, assim como cubanos ou dominicanos. É muito importante porque esta não é uma exposição sobre geografia ou raça. É uma exposição que trata de uma experiência comum compartilhada e estes artistas fazem parte da História. Para encontrarmos estes artistas, muitas vezes é levada a cabo uma investigação aprofundada sobre cada um e, a partir de um, descobrimos um outro e um militante pela resistência, muitas vezes leva-nos a outro militante. E descobrir estes artistas e fazê-los descobrir ao público foi o nosso mote e posso mesmo dizer que descobrimos muitos mais, mas não conseguimos mostrar todos. Às vezes o público até pode achar estranho já que a nível geográfica não ficamos só em África, mas não tem só a ver com ser negro e africano. Por exemplo, estamos a expor aqui um artista indiano, Krishna Reddy, que viveu em Paris vários anos e estava na cidade durante o Maio de 68 e foi vítima de racismo porque era constantemente confundido com um argelino. E as suas obras reflectem isso. E, assim, claro que nesta exposição não nos cingimos só a artistas de países francófonos, mas temos também lusófonos e artista vindos de outras regiões", explicouA história desta exposição começa a ser contada em 1947 quando é fundada a editora Presença Africana, pelo senegalês Alioune Diop, com a consciência negra a sedimentar-se à volta de pensadores como Leópold Sédar Senghor com a participação de Aimé Césaire, político, poeta e escritor da Martinica, e da sua mulher, Suzanne, a participarem na revista Tropiques. Juntam-se a esta efervescência artistas afro-americanos como o escritor James Baldwin ou o pintor Beauford Delaney.É neste clima que se realiza o primeiro congresso de artistas e escritores negros na Sorbonne em 1956. Ao mesmo tempo, Sarah Maldoror, uma jovem francesa com origens na Guadalupe, cria em Paris a primeira companhia de teatro para negros depois de constatar, ainda como actriz, que só lhe davam papéis de empregada de quarto tanto no teatro como no cinema. Foi exactamente no círculo da editora Presença Africana que Sarah Maldoror conheceu Mario de Andrade, escritor e fundador do Movimento Popular de Libertação de Angola, que viria a ser seu marido.Este encontro levou-a a interessar-se pelos diferentes movimentos de libertação nos países lusófonos em África, com Maldoror a realizar algumas das obras cinematográficas mais emblemáticas destes movimentos como Armas para Banta, rodado em 1970 na Guiné-Bissau, ou SAMBIZANGA, rodado em Angola em 1973."A escolha de Sarah Maldoror era óbvia para nós desde o início para figurar nesta exposição. Por um lado, porque Maldoror é uma artista fascinante, mas também por causa de um aspecto realmente importante que é o facto de a história de muitos dos artistas nesta exposição nunca ter sido registada ou cuidada pelas instituições francesas. Foi sim, cuidada pelos próprios artistas ou por pensadores contemporâneos. Sarah Maldoror é uma figura extremamente importante nesse aspecto. Trabalhámos com a sua filha, Anouchka de Andrade e foi a Anouchka quem nos emprestou algumas das obras da exposição. Teremos uma mostra de cinema com os filmes de Sarah Maldoror em Abril e ao longo da exposição vamos mostrando aqui trechos dos seus filmes . Ela tem não só esta faceta de coleccionadora, mas de documentarista e queremos homenageá-la. Conseguimos restaurar os seus filmes e estamos muito interessados em continuar a estudar os seus interesses e como eles entraram no seu cinema. E, claro, o seu compromisso militante , que acho que também será celebrado durante a retrospectiva, com muitos testemunhos, muitos convidados, entre eles artistas. Será um grande evento dentro desta exposição", disse Eva Barois de Caevel.Entre algumas das obras dos fundos de Sarah Maldoror apresentadas nesta exposição, estão dois quadros do pintor angolano Vítor Manuel Teixeira, conhecido como Viteix, que se instalou em Paris em 1973. Viteix vai voltar a Angola em 1976 tentando através da sua arte criar uma união nacional e concluindo alguns anos mais tarde uma tese de doutoramento na Sorbonne sobre este tema.A exposição estende-se até aos anos 2000, com muitos artistas e combates a passarem por Paris como testemunham as obras de Victor Anicet, Basquiat ou o dominicano José Castillo. Mas esta é, sobretudo, uma exposição virada para o futuro, sendo a última a ser apresentada neste museu parisiense antes de grandes obras de reabilitação que deverão durar até 2030. Nesse momento, o desejo de Eva Barois de Caevel é que o Centro Pompidou reabra as suas portas com uma nova visão da cultura e intervenção social."Esta é realmente uma exposição que para nós é um ponto de partida, como uma grande cartografia que serve de primeiro marco e que a partir de 2030 se vai desdobrar em propostas temáticas para o museu. Há muitos assuntos que podemos retirar daqui desde o militantismo, à questão da Argélia ou à questão da tricontinentalidade, todos esses são assuntos que precisam ser abordados em sua totalidade", concluiu a comissária associada.

Some cancers can be cured, even after they spread. The new approach offering hope in the later states of cancer. Guests include prostate cancer patient Chester Fitch and Dr. Krishna Reddy, radiation oncologist.

✨ Abhinay Krishna Reddy, A Young Author, has a very clear understanding about passion and profession. Though He's just started, He exactly knows how He has to go about His relationship with ink and paper and His idea of professionalism. "Blue

Andariki Namaste!! Vini cheppandi ela undo episode. socials: @billiontwenty on every platform contribute: www.buymeacoffee.com/billiontwenty

I found a somewhat quiet spot. And I'm earthing. And I was thinking about how talking so much about all of this related to mental health is really to learn about it, just to be free of it, not to keep talking about it forever, to be free of it and be that other kind of human being that I've experienced myself to be. And that really requires looking without condemnation, but really wondering, to figure out how it all works. And in order to learn about it, if one calls it good or bad, it prevents learning. And I was thinking about how it's important to be free of fear, because it's the fear that drives us to seek help from the mental health system. And to me, that exacerbates things more than necessary. And it could take a good amount of practice and wondering and tweaking to find a way to make it so one can avoid the mental health system. So I wanted to take a second and read a quote by Krishna merde. I feel like what he points to, has something to do with mob consciousness. And I'm not saying it's totally equivalent, but he says, I think man has come to a point where he feels that one must have a new mind, a new quality of mind. I mean by mind, the activities of the brain consciousness, sensory perception and intelligence. Is it possible before man destroys themselves completely, to bring about a new mind? Is it possible for human beings to bring about a totally different category, or dimension of the mind. And to me, I feel like math consciousness is consciousnesses attempt to bring about this new dimension and category in the mind. And it's not really working so easily as people at the level of thought, consciousness, transform it into something else. Sort of capture those minds and convert that process back into a process dominated by thought and thinking about oneself and one's own problems, and making it into a me mental illness. So maybe it's already happening. It's just a matter of people supporting people to journey through it. Maybe nothing else needs to be done except for that. Just having more compassion while people go through this process without dragging them back into believing that they have a mental illness. And he says also, when you put away something false, the mind becomes lighter. And the mean is false. And when we put that away, we become lighter, we become more energetic. And he describes something interesting, he says, discard everything that is false, which is everything that thought has put together. Then the mind has no illusion. And he talks about reading the book of oneself. And he says, I began with the first chapter which says, Be aware of your senses. And the next chapter says, human beings have their partial senses, exaggerating one sense and denying the others. The third chapter says, See all the senses can operate. That means there is no center of a particular sensory operation, and the fourth chapter, and so on and so on. I'm not going to read the book for you read it and explore it so much with what he points to is talking about map consciousness and I feel like he had a transformation experience he definitely did. But luckily, he was held and kept safe by so many people who didn't think that anything that was happening was wrong. Plus, it was 100 years ago now, so there wasn't really that paradigm so much. So I'm starting to read more Krishna Murty stuff again, instead of focusing on mental health, and I have done a lot of writing, but I feel not so compelled to go to it. It's like that process could go on forever. And I don't know if I want to keep fueling that. Just because it can go on forever doesn't mean that I should feel like to go on forever. And I could change my mind and get right back into it very soon. But for now, I'm not sure how much of my notes I'll go over. I remember reading through some of it just to see if there was anything I really wanted to say. And I wrote down that thought in a way is yesterday sound at sound of yesterday. And something I realized today was that I was watching a talk by Krishna Murthy. And he was talking about how we live very mechanically in the thought, programs basically. And I feel like these thought programs are in our brain. And they're soundscapes in there yester sound. And I feel like the sound is actually blocking the energy of our heart. So our heart is love. And we all have a heartbeat, we all have that love. But it's being blocked by this cage of yester sound. And I feel like when that breaks open, it's just living according to love and not this mechanical thought programs. And so I wonder if I can live according to love, and I was seeing a lot more beauty lately, but that seems to have decreased somewhat, I'm not sure why I think it could be because I've been taking this Seroquel for longer than I've wanted to mainly to get myself to ecpr which is in a couple days. So after that, I will stop taking the circle. I'm kind of tired of needing to drag myself to stay in this sort of limited form. And today, I met somebody who wrote a book on her journal of being a psych nurse. And it had several stories about her connecting with patients on the psych unit that she worked on. And I read the whole thing in one sitting. And then I told her and she's like, wow, that was quick. And I said, well, it's my genre. And it's interesting, because I'm pretty sure in a video yesterday or the day before I said to myself that I feel like I want to do something just to put myself in that mode of mental health. And then it just came up in conversation that she wrote this book, and she happened to have a copy. And she gave it to me to read and I read it and it was quite touching is very much exactly in alignment with ecpr. So I feel like it could be a synchronicity in a way. And I told her that I have a label and she was surprised that I wear the bracelet with my label on it and I explained why. Even though I was almost thinking well, it would be good to not have that immediately as how I would be helped, possibly but whatever. And these last couple days I've had a bit of doubt on the self dialogue process in general. Not the process but possibly about sharing Or I feel it's important to always be dropping the meanings that I make. So I make all these meanings to have a different context. But it's important not to cling on to any of them. The greatest moment of the day was saving a little beetle from a spiderweb, I saw him walking in circles because his leg was attached to a spiderweb. This little guy stuck on spider web. And I saved him with a stick. And I don't know how many people take the trouble of saving insects, but his little life will live on as it's meant to. Speaking of which, that's really good timing, there's a fly on my head. And I can't remember if yesterday I talked about how a blue bird nearly landed on my hand, I would hold it out like this. And he might have thought there was food, but he attempted to land twice, and there was no food. So that could have been why he didn't land. But I'm going to try and see if one day he'll land just for the sake of love, not for the sake of food. Because I haven't fed this bird because it's not the greatest to feed wild birds. And I haven't yet attached my grasshopper takeoff video or my feet relaxing video. So yeah, I feel like something shifted these last few days. And it could be taking this Eric Well, it could be taking the Hardy nutritionals or both. And I feel a bit more calm. In terms of doing the self dialogue, I just want to really enjoy being in California. And I don't want to be doing two hours of self dialog day. So maybe I'll keep it more to a journal of what's happening in terms of this hardy nutritionals process. And seeing if I can be off the Seroquel in California, seeing how long I'll be able to stay in California. I am hoping mid July at least. And maybe mid August, but we'll see how it goes. Because I may just have to go home and and come off these medications and up the Hardy nutritionals or something. I'm not gonna stay down here and take circle every day. I feel like my job is partly to stay sane in an insane world. And I was watching a video by Simon Sinek and I didn't wash the whole thing because he started talking again about navy seals, like he likes to do and I just don't think promoting killing is my thing. So using that as an example of high performance is, I don't know just a little bit it shouldn't be Just so yeah, anyway. But he did say that a tip for something along moving towards your spark or something is, as long as what you're doing isn't getting in the way of what other people want. Are you getting what you want getting in the way with what other people want. So this self dialog is good because this doesn't prevent anyone from getting help from psychiatry, if that's what they want. It's just creating other contexts to help myself, avoid psychiatry, get through it when I do have to access that, hopefully transcend psychiatry, and and also, maybe one day move this whole process into a realm that isn't a medical problem. Right now it's turned into a medical problem, anything can be turned into a medical problem. But yeah, part of this shift, I think, is something to do with just remaining kind of quiet and seeing what other layers just need to fall away. And this is a good place to do it, just because I'm in California somewhere quiet. It's just going into this sort of healing mode, I think. Maybe healing some of the stuff that has more, has more of an opportunity to heal in this quiet, beautiful place, instead of just self dialogue, self dialogue, writing down insights all the time. Because the thing with that process is when I decided to go back into it, it will definitely just reignite. That's not something that one loses. So knowing that I can kind of turn off that faculty and and just be for a while. Like today I was sitting outside and I was very content with just listening to the flies buzzing around, land on leaves and play Chase. And as two of them would fly by me about four inches apart. I swear I could hear where the producers of Star Wars got their inspiration for all their aircraft flying through space in those fighting scenes like war. And today, I saw a lizard that just the way the sun was hitting the side of his abdomen. There was a rainbow on his skin, and it must have just been the perfect angle for me to see that and it's probably like that on all of them all the time. But he was really absorbing all the colors of the light, not just the heat of the sun. And I took a video of a lizard that I put my toe near and he wouldn't move. I was kind of cool. That infinity of nature is always there to connect with it any moment. And I heard somebody talking about accents. And then sometimes words, like my brain have a hint of something regarding my consciousness, but I was thinking of mania as a sort of accent of a different language. Just like there can be many different kinds of English accents. One could be accented with mania, and speak in a little bit different way, like some people say that gay people speak in a way that is gay. And that's sort of a stereotype that may or may not be true. And people may or may not want to ascribe to but there could be, at some point, just a manic accent. In that if we're able to prune the process and remain somewhat functional, we might just have an accent of mania instead of this thing that psychiatry would like to call a mood disorder. I think we're moody because we're reacting to society. And we're calling it out to the detriment of ourselves. So in my consciousness, the me isn't doing well, but the mind is just fine. What other layers of this me can fall away, because I'm in a safe place where I don't really need those defenses right now. I'm not working in mental health, I'm not needing to get all up in arms about stuff. So can I release that and practice abiding in this other state, and bring that back when I go back home versus being so charged by things? And I really don't know. But I have been sitting quietly and meditating many nights, and I don't think it's necessary, per se, but I could, in a way help to calm my nervous system. And I did call this sort of glad Park thing in a way. So this would be an ideal scenario. And that in that ideal environment, permeate my biology and my nervous system and and see what happens, if there can be some healing there. And that might show more than talking about stuff in circles, to be able to abide in that calmness and take that back. So I will talk about a few things. But I'm seeing now as I'm talking about it, the value of perhaps just calming down with it all. Maybe that calmness will help to ground some of that manic energy if it comes when I eventually journey off these medications. And it's the gesture of the mind to reach out and touch us. And I really feel like it's breaking up these mechanized thought structures, and we're actually learning how to be human beings without these mechanical actions. And I wonder how to really bring in the love and the compassion and to have that animate and to be really grounded in that and not reactive even when it comes to mental health stuff. Like, can I bring acpr back home without even needing it? Can I use this time to heal. And there's another thing that Krishnamurti said in a video that really struck me with what I've been talking about with language and stuff was the observer creates the linguistic difference between the observer and the thing observed. And he talks a lot about being with fear and facing fear. And I think that by taking Seroquel, I definitely don't face the fear. And I'm not with the fear, I Medicaid it away. And he also talks about authority. And I feel like when I go to the psych ward, it's like, using that authority to save me because I can't face the fear. And I really don't know, I haven't gotten into that. But the fear will need to be faced. And maybe it's not fear at all. Maybe it's just this strong physiological reaction that I interpret as fear so I don't allow it to run its course. And Krishnamurti talks about a non mechanical way of living. And he says, the way we live now is very mechanical. And I know from the felt sense of mob consciousness, that it's definitely not a mechanical state is breaking out of that mechanized way of being and being totally fluid and flowing with the moment. And I just wonder why that can't be maintained. Why can't that effortlessness be maintained? And then when we go back down to the level of mechanization, it feels so difficult. It feels like so much more effort, and that effortlessness requires sensitivity and intelligence. But the trouble is, there's too much noise in this world to live that way and be that sensitive.So this is my rental car. So I'm getting packed up for my trip to LA. It looks like I am going to make it to ecpr. I'm going to leave tomorrow morning at 6am. But this is some of the stuff on packing and some of the stuff I carry with me always down here. I always carry my phone charger, because I'm making videos or editing them or so many different things on the phone. So I don't like to run out of charge. And sometimes, depending on what I'm doing on my phone, it can run out pretty quick. And I always have my headphones and an extra charge for my phone separate. And I love my little macro lens. It's super awesome. And I like to capture small little things being cool. And I'm always carrying with me my zap straps, I have to because I can strap one roll my wrist and one around an object and tie them together and be quite secure. Or I can use just one and tie it around my wrist. And then there's just enough Seroquel to knock me out cold as well as to trazadone as well. If I ever get in the position where I just want to knock myself out and and lay there. It's total emergency never had to use it. But I find it helps me feel safe. And this is like a little towel a little travel pal. I always forget to use it. I haven't ever put myself in the habit of using it. If there's oranges around my wad an orange peeler, a little mini knife. I used to eat avocado, so I'd open it with a knife and then eat it with this mini spoon. But I don't think I'll bring these or this. But I do have in my bag. He may or may not want your own little plastic fish. I will have a bathtub at the hotel. So I might want to bring this probably not. I'll put it in the to go pile. And my love was probably well, maybe I will bring this. And I always have chapstick with me. So these are always with me. And my rental car keys probably only need to bring one and a water bottle. Somebody gave this to me. So one thing I didn't bring with me to California and I hadn't bought one yet. And then somebody gave one to me and it's for hot and cold. So that's awesome synchronicity. And I always carry a hankie cuz I have a runny nose, so bad. So I use this when I can. And so like chapstick and hanky are like the most important things in the whole thing, and then probably the charger. And then probably the lens. Well, this is always going to be with me since I've had a bit of struggle. And last night, I did okay on the half circle and one trazadone as well as lithium. And I will do that when I'm in LA as well and have my passport in case I need it. And my wallet with some money and credit cards and ID and stuff. And then this is my hardy nutritionals for the time, I'll be away for three times a day. And this is the book that I read that I told you about. It makes me a little bit inspired to write a book and just create a little something of information about what it's like to stay in a psych ward or something like that. And earplugs I wear those every night. And this is really important. Super important squeaky fart buddy. Probably won't bring that to the workshop though. But it might help if I was supporting somebody and they're talking their distress, I would just go there we go. That's the motion. I won this prize. Very awesome. So anyway, and have some snacks. You know, have some coffee. annex and close my, my medication which I'll probably just take enough, I'm not going to take all that and my new notebook. So I was listening to a talk. And I haven't listened to all of it but it was by Matthew Federici, and he was talking about some studies where people with the best outcomes that our patients are mindfully non adherent. And I love that term. And it definitely describes me and it's describes what I was trying to be when I was in the psych ward. Last year, I was trying to be mindfully non adherent. But unfortunately, that doesn't always work in the psych ward when a person is certified and has no say whatsoever, unless the doctor actually happens to listen, which didn't happen in my instance. And he said, it's the highest level of self advocacy. When somebody has a belief system, and they speak up about treatments they would or would not want. And it has actually been studied. So it's not something just made up. And I heard somebody before, say they read a study that people who were non compliant actually did better in the long term. which just shows we know best. And we know what's best for ourselves and what resonates and what doesn't. So yes, mindful non adherence. And I'm really hoping that ecpr helps with that sort of approach, and gives more space for mindful non adherence, because there's more other types of support. So one can further the range of one's mindful non adherence. So I'm going to bring this book tomorrow just maybe to show people or I'm not sure what will happen. But I'm spending the day looking at some stuff to just get back into that mode, somewhat. I stole my blue feather. And tonight, I'm going to go to a full moon meditation at this meditation place. And the full moon time tonight is exactly 9:09pm, where I am, and the ceremony or the meditation is from 730 to eat 30 or something. So wonderful get to be up there, while it's the actual full moon. And another part of the significance of this is that it's full moon in Aries. And probably because it's the Aries time of the year. And the thing for me is that I am an Aries. My birthday is in a week. So it's really cool to be able to go to this full moon, meditation, whether it's wishes of peace for the world. Whereas last year at this time, not only was I not in California, I was in carcere rated in a psych ward. So it's amazing to one year later be living my dream. not perfectly because I'm taking some Seroquel to get by right now. And probably taking it even more because I'm not at home with my network of support, but I'm here partly to heal and partly to move towards facilitating bringing more of a network of support to my hometown. ecpr is not yet in my country. And it would be amazing to be able to bring it so I'll be talking more about that I think because by this time tomorrow, probably have an idea about if I'm going to do that. And I probably will even if I'm not quite certain because who knows what we'll expand out of it. But it's pretty amazing. Because this time last year, I wasn't sure if I was going to turn 34. Part of that whole people who die at 33 like Kurt Cobain and other celebrities, even though I wasn't thinking of myself as a celebrity, I was just thinking, I really don't know if I'm going to make it to 34. I almost ran away from the hospital one of the days and who knows what would have happened to me if I would have done that, because they probably would have locked me up in isolation and things. But it was so terrifying to get through. Even when I decided not to run away, it was just the scariest 33 days of my life. And this time last year, that's what was happening. I spent my birthday in the psych ward. And previous days, I voted in the psych ward, done some weird things in the psych ward. And it seems like this year, I won't celebrate my birthday in the psych ward. And I'm not in this place where I'm thinking that I don't know if I'm going to live another day. Whether it's by my own hand, or it was just the most terrifying thing. If you've been through it, you know what I'm talking about. It's so scary, and it was made worse by the medication. And that's why I will never go back of my own volition. I will never go back there on my own two feet. And this is a blessing in disguise, because this will make me extra diligent. And it has made me extra diligent. Another thing I want to do with this car, and I'm not sure if I will, uh, depends on how I feel being away for a night in LA for ecpr. But I'm thinking about driving to Vegas for one night to see Celine Dion. And the reason is, because when I was first hospitalized and diagnosed when I was out of the hospital, I spent a lot of time just watching her videos, her world tour video, and then her live in Boston video. For some reason I was just completely untrained. And just watching her saying and also be silly with people on her tour. And everything just really helped me it was very grounding. And I don't know why Celine Dion, it just sort of was something that I found very calming. And because of that, I've wanted to go and see her in Vegas. And I tried to in 2014 I think it was, but she actually ended up canceling her show. But I went to Vegas anyway, but I didn't see her. And my sister is going to be kind of mad at me. But I'm not going to tell her because she would definitely be mad that I'm going without her. And I am too but the thing is that the way things are with my brain, I never know if I'm going to get back to the states again. I don't know if when I go back and I get back into advocacy and mental health somewhat if my brain might freak out and I might end up who knows, like I really don't know how much longer I'm going to live I could live another 50 years I could live another two days I really don't know. So knowing that I kind of want to go it's a five hour drive. And I really like driving more so than flying. So I'm wanting to go and we'll see how it goes if I do end up making the trip and I will tell her later and it just feels like somewhat of a completion in a way of going and seeing her and honoring that energy seeing her live and I don't really create that many goals per se but that was one that created just as one of those bucket list things but I don't want it to be a bucket list thing. I want it to be a an acknowledgement of of the The journey of making it from a place of sitting there hopeless, watching her and feeling somewhat calm to being able to go and see her live in Vegas. And another thing I'm realizing with this, putting less attention into the self dialog of insights is that it's moving towards that embodied thing I was talking about, but I sort of ignored in favor of continuing to just talk about abstractions is helpful context. But I could create that forever. And that might be to the detriment of my physical body. And I feel like I need to be strong, I need to be strong for the journey ahead, the next part of the journey in being embodied in such a way that it might help others to know if I end up coming off my medication, it might help others if I bring the CPR back home, and and I feel like in order to do that, I need to be physically and mentally strong. And I'm somewhat mentally strong and in navigating, if I do feel the stress for myself, but I don't know if I'm mentally strong to face some of the stuff that might be some of these unanticipated consequences of that which I feel this energy to do. developing some of that equanimity that Tom Wooten talks about, and, and having a physically strong body right now I feel out of shape and slightly overweight. And that's not really good for going back and trying to do what it is I want to do, to sort of feel my best in my body and be mentally and physically strong would be the most beneficial. So if someone told myself that, after my birthday, I'm going to put some more effort into eating healthy and, and getting into some form of shape. And perhaps I'll share more of that as opposed to this whole abstracting stuff, though, I do want to look through it and make sure I didn't miss anything really good. I've been looking at it and seeing that there's a lot of stuff that I see that I've already talked about, or it's just not that interesting, maybe it wasn't the time when I wrote it down. And that could be one thing is just writing stuff down and then taking pictures of the pages and sharing it on my blog. I think part of the reason to do that is that some of the stuff that I say sounds like it could be from somebody else, maybe I don't know, but just showing, showing the process a little bit showing that there's this other source of information that we connect to as people who are bipolar. And that's part of what this is to is just to show what it's like to have a bipolar brain, and maybe other people will resonate with it somewhat. And it might show ways to actually harness the process in a way so it doesn't get out of hand and and take on a life of its own and then take away from one's life. Because I've been in spaces where I write stuff down and I literally feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack that was years ago. So as a process and and that was part of the process was to share that there's something else happening and it's not just this meaningless mental illness and it's something that one can have a relationship with, one can have a relationship with this other information coming through. And this process to me shows that relationship somewhat. And shows that it doesn't really have to even mean anything. It's just like, in a way, one could See oneself as almost having this addiction to this other information that we're not making up ourselves. It's not really an addiction, but I'm just saying, there's this urge, there's this urgency, there's something there, there's this energy that drives us to write this stuff down. And we write it down, it doesn't even feel like our own yet, when we read it, we have this desire in a way to make some sense out of it. And maybe it doesn't really make any sense. Maybe part of it is just to have that relationship with it. So the energy doesn't make us feel like we want to explode in a way. If we can write and listen to ourselves, then maybe we don't feel so much like oh, I need somebody to listen to me, I need to change the world. Maybe it's just changing one's own world, but having some sort of relationship with this information, these insights, this other way of seeing these visions. And maybe the what to do with it will come about one day. Because I pretty much establish with myself that it's an unending unlimited process. And now instead of it taking me over and running my life, which it hasn't, for a long time, I can sort of tap into it and turn it on if I want, and then turn it off. Sort of like we can close our eyes, if we don't want to see is like turning that sense off. And I really do feel like it's this other dimension of the human mind. And even Krishnamurti said that in his quote, and to me, it's just incredible that he says those things yet. To me, it's so obvious that this other dimension of the mind is trying to boot up. But the trouble is, there's more people in the world that this is not happening to. And when they see this happening to people, they get scared. And they do something that messes up the process, instead of just remaining curious and open and unconditionally loving. And that's all stuff that's part of ecpr. So to me, ecpr could even be providing space. For those brains, who have this flowering of their brain happening, goes through the process and see what happens, nobody knows what happens, not even the people who are going through it. And we don't know what happens when we provide space for a lot of people to have this dimension of their brain open up instead of closing it off. And I don't think that has been done at all, because even with what is being done right now, that's considered good. And it has some value is still filtering and warping people's brains back into fitting into society as if society is the gold standard. And I don't think it is, I think there's a gold standard opening up in our brains that we have not even begun to scratch the surface of what it can do. And providing safety, psychological safety is one thing, but when I move into something beyond that, I really want to support people to really move into their magic move into their superhuman capabilities. Which we don't even know what that is. But we really have to provide the space and love for that to happen. The human brain really needs this space and love and non judgmental ness, or it's, I don't know what's gonna happen. Well, things are already happening, we're just not really making the connection and people want. Because the human brain only thinks about itself. It doesn't think about the human brain as a whole of humanity. And other entities that are conscious, and it's just, it's just a Gong Show, really. And in saying that I need to transform myself into my superhero, superhuman version of myself, which might not look very much different. And partly, one of the promises I made when I was still in the map conscious state the very first time I was so intense, I felt like I was dying. I felt like I was in a coffin. I could hear people at my funeral. But I was laying there next to a friend, and I immediately just jumped up and I thought I said out loud, I stand up for my niece. And I sensed in myself that I need to be the best I can be for my nieces and other innocent young children who At this point, don't stand a chance in life, even if they get the best of what life has to offer. If I'm alive and something happens to somebody that I care about, I would not let this happen to them what's happened to me? I would not, I would know better. And so I feel like this whole thing is done, like this way of treating people is done. It's going to be made obsolete. So the real question has nothing to do with mental health. And Krishna Marie's quote, again, is, is it possible for human beings to bring about a totally different dimension, or category of the mind. And I really feel like this is already happening. The mind the, the totality, Gaia, is putting people into these states to energetically animate us in this different way to bring about this other dimension. But unfortunately, it wears out and then the way it's received as a person is falling out of it prevents it from taking hold, because really what that needs, what that seed brain who's going through that transformation needs is unconditional love and space. And something else will happen then if someone's judged and labeled, obviously, it makes if somebody is judged and labeled by some kind of professional, what is their trajectory versus this other way? And it really is an act of faith by people who don't know what's happening for to be that supportive and trust that something good is going to happen. Can we go from labels to loveSome days with me the last rays of waves it's 844. And I don't know if I'll be up here until 909, when it's exactly full. I don't think I've ever been to a group meditation like this before. guy was talking about Christ and the Christ ification of many. And I feel like my consciousness is that it's calibrating us for that. Christ ification energy. And it's interesting how so many people who go into that state, often at some point, connect with a feeling of being Christ. And I think it's an advantage to have that calibration happen. Because if all of a sudden a massive amount of that energy does come in, and there is a Christ, suffocation of many, the people have already tasted it, or gonna understand it more. Blah, blah, blah. And he also talked about receiving a higher spiritual imprint, which to me sounds like the blueprint, a map consciousness. I feel like there could be a school of philosophy of map consciousness of people who actually experientially touch these realities that are pointed to so many different wisdom traditions. But when they come back from that they sound like crazy people. If that state that they're pointing to was just like the state we're in now. It wouldn't be anything different. So wouldn't be that which they're pointing to. When we're in that state, we're actually pointing to it. But it just appears kind of wonky. better move towards my car. So it's just hitting nine or nine now. So the full moon is officially full. Still, no, no, no. This is the full moon. So I'm ready to go to ecpr and La. I have an hour and a half drive at least, but I'm leaving extra time just in case. Let's see if the traffic is as bad as said to be. And I have my breakfast ready. I'm not going to drink any fluids because I don't want to have to pay. If I would have been doing better, I would have booked a hostel and stayed for a couple of nights. But since I'm not feeling the greatest, I'm only going for one night. I'm laying here in my weirdest hotel room ever in a kind of creepy area of LA. And I did the first day of ecpr today and I feel really good about the training information even though it might not seem like it because I'm really tired. I woke up super early to drive to LA which took about two and a half hours and then I was in training all day. And now I'm in my weird hotel room. This is what it looks like. And there's like the weirdest little kitchen thing that I think it's all mine. But it's so weird, I don't even want to go out there. Not sure if anyone else has access to this weird kitchen. And then there's a balcony, which I think is shared, and I don't want to go out there either. And I am supposed to go for dinner with the trainers, which I really want to do. It's a great opportunity to get to know them. Find out more about what they're doing. Look, it's my toes. And I'm going for dinner with the facilitators. So I feel like I need to study up a little bit. Get my mind in the right orientation. Like, what am I doing here again, what is my passion in this area. During the training, I had this idea to create my own class, but not really a class, but something about alternatives and options. And I created a document about that. Maybe I'll talk about it some other time. But it's about creating a safety first. And it's whatever works for the person. So for me, I have advanced directives, sabse, draps, servqual, things like that. And then also creating connection and, and then moving towards thriving, and have a bunch of stuff written down. But I was also thinking it'd be cool to set it up to helps have people co create that. And others have done that too. That's how rap was created. I'm pretty sure ecpr had an element of that in it too. And I don't know what the difference with what I'm envisioning is, but I think it's a little bit of having a person understand that they're really purposefully going to attempt to thrive. Attempt thriving, instead of just getting by. And it's great to have emotional CPR on the times of distress. And it's great to have wrap plans. I remember talking about creating a Wham plan, which is more about thriving. I don't really know what I'm talking about, because I'm tired, but and I think I do need to create some kind of social enterprise. With me being the first social enterprise person in the social enterprise. And they talked about learning through participation. Well, I need to continue learning through just continuing to create this stuff. And I feel like in my consciousness, we go from sharing gestures of mania, all that energy and all those gestures. And when the energy runs out, we actually need gestures of love and unconditional regard, in order to gain some of that energy back that we lost by sharing it all away. We try to share it and when people don't play back with us, then it's lost. And I wrote down that I'm not trying to do anything. We are meaning the collection of all of us as a narrow tribe, we're all trying to do something. But when we try to do it separately, it's not as powerful as if we were to get together and dial dialogue and play in order to see what it is that we're trying to create. And also awakening that dimension in the brain. So the Potential project came back to mind again. And I've been wanting to think of a word for positive triggers. And I realized that it could be energizers things that are energizing, because we're taught to be aware of our triggers. But I'm curious about energizers. And what spurs us into being in the energized state where we're sharing energy and connecting and reaching out and caring. So hopefully, dinner goes well, and I'll be able to share stuff. And who knows what will happen. I'm here with Dr. Daniel Fisher, who talked about psychosis as a monologue. And it's really cool to be heading in this direction. In my big, weird hotel room, this little ladder of mine, I'm gonna let it shine This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, this little ladder, man, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. That song popped in my head. So I figured I would just sing it. Songs pop in my head, sometimes, like they do for all of us. But often, there's nothing going on in my head. And then a faint song comes in. I have the sense that as this dialogue goes on, and a more embodied in actually creating something alongside with this process of self dialogue. Hopefully I'll smile more. Before I started working in peer support, two years ago, I worked at a medical office. And I was always smiling and laughing, and joking around, and being loving and caring, and I really was thriving. And then and then I got involved in mental health, working in mental health, and I lost that. But I think that's what I want back the most is that joy. And being able to laugh at myself, again, so much of the self dialogue I feel will come across as very serious. But if I was embodying my mania, I wouldn't be serious at all. And I also feel that before I can share any of that context that I created, I kind of have to live it. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of words. So I need to move towards embodying my mania and be firmly rooted in that before sharing this process of self dialog as something beneficial to help one embody one's mania. I did the harvest phase for sure. And now practice part of practices taking this class in LA, just going forward. And I have the car for another number of days after I go back to where I'm staying and I'm probably going to drive to Vegas now that's definitely something a manic would do. Drive to Vegas for one night to see Celine Dion. So that's definitely concrete action embodied. It's not just abstractions. So those would be things that show this embodying the mania. And I feel like as a person who goes into altered states I don't really have I don't really have a bucket list because my life is not really in entirely my own, I don't always have a say over what happens to me. And I don't know how much longer I get to live or how much longer I get to live the way I want to. So I feel like a bucket list almost implies you have this whole bucket of things you want to do. But I guess it's because it's the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. And I don't know where that saying came from kick the bucket. But I feel like it could be something around attempting thriving list that doesn't have a good ring to it, though, could be called like a crazy days list. Something you would do if you're crazy, but also something you would do before you go crazy again, because you don't know if you'll get a chance to. So you better do it. Now, it's almost the opposite of a bucket list where one day we'll get to it, it's like we have to do it now. And that's something we feel in mania too is we have to do it right now. But can we still have that feeling yet not be manic. The point of all this, too, is embodying one's mania, and thriving, as one would win in the state of mania. Without the state of mania, which I've talked about before, it's important to practice these thriving gestures when we're not actually thriving, when we're sort of even not just spending the even time waiting for the next crisis to happen. or doing the things we would do if we're waiting for the next crisis time to happen. And not really taking advantage of those times where we're even. And we actually can do stuff. Because a lot of what rap talks about is wellness tools to make you feel better when you're not feeling good. All the sections except for one or based on when you're not doing well. And there's seven sections and one is about maintaining Daly. And then if you're not doing well, and you're doing worse and you're doing worse, well what about when you're not just maintaining, but when you're in this space where you can put some energy towards thriving. We don't even talk about thriving in this genre of living as a labeled person. And I think it's time for that to change. And I can't remember if I share it, I created this love to experience project have people come in and have fun experiences, who've been labeled and just have a chance to come in and have fun, like improv and stand up comedy and practice of play and a voice coach to connect to one's voice. So important, because we lose our voice we lose our communication. So that's why I'm determined to create this safety. So then, when one attempts to thrive and maybe comes down from that, because they've shared all their gestures and sort of run out of juice. It could almost be a juice list or maybe just an energy list. Things that one will do with one's energy when one has some energy and what one wants to put one's energy into and it's probably something that is going to give one energy I feel this is kind of mapping new territory to purposefully be manic without being manic and I don't think manic or mania is a bad word actually really liked those words. They're just energy people use them for different things. Like super sales will be called mania like price Oh mania or something. So it's usually positive connotations. And even manic I like to say, Man, I see man and the letter I in the letter C. Meaning man, I as n eyes and see seeing or see the speed of light. So there's a lot of good stuff in there. I will continue my report later from my weird hotel room. I'll be kind of happy when it's tomorrow. And I'm across the street and my car is parked outside the building and I'm no longer at this hotel and I don't have to sleep in this town again. I don't usually think that way but I don't love being alone in creepy hotels. So I made it through the night at my creepy hotel. I went for dinner with Dr. Fisher and Maria and had a good chat. And then I go back to the hotel and I talked to my friend on the phone for a while and then we got on to some cool stuff about ideas after talking about some of our challenges, which is cool, and I was laughing my butt off from what we thought we might try to create. So I'm here with my coffee waiting for day two vsepr don't have to go back to the hotel because I'll be driving back to my spot tonight. And I got a tip to try Benadryl for sleep. So I will pick some of that up and try that for tapering off the Seroquel basically just not taking the circle anymore only been taking half. So I reached my goal. I got myself to ecpr and who knows what's next statue over there. I think that could be the inspiration for avatar to ground. Pretty sure that's where they got the inspiration. And I got this little Dave's buttermilk bar from my hotel continental breakfast. So I'm gonna see what that's all about.So I'm back from LA. And back in the peace and quiet. And the beauty. My hair is a bit messy because I was driving with the windows down. And Google Maps took me a different way, I guess, because it was a bit faster, and it was very beautiful. And it was just nice to see all the green in the hills and the trees and stuff that I couldn't really look at very closely because I was driving. And the CPR training was really good. And the group was great. I learned a lot about facilitating. And I learned a bit about the people who are involved in this movement to make ecpr more available. And for me experiencing that it just felt very natural, like, that's the way things should be. So in my mind, it wasn't this amazing thing, because it was just like, well, this is how it should be. Even though it is an amazing thing. It's hard to really say what I'm trying to describe. But after the training, I also felt kind of like I had less hope in a way because this ecpr training isn't cheap. And it's sort of beyond my control to get that kind of funding to start that sort of movement, at least is partly beyond my control. Whereas something like going out for a walk is within my control. So I started thinking about that. And I started thinking about how there's no answers, really. I keep searching for answers, and there are no answers. And even if this isn't answer, it's not something that I have complete control over. I can't just go back home and just be like, yeah, we're just going to run a group because it costs money. And I just feel like the recovery movement, even though it's new, it's already old. I want something like a rediscovery and recreation movement, rediscovering the energy when connected with rediscovering lost parts of oneself, recreating oneself daily. I just feel a sense of what can I really do? What do I really have the power to do. And so I feel like going through a few of my documents and just editing them and editing out everything that is outside of my direct power. Like if I want to get healthier, I can eat healthier food, that's something I can do. But if I want to have ecpr as a group at home, I don't have the direct power to do it. I thought I did. But they were saying it needs a sponsored agency and blah, blah and stuff that I don't have that position to offer. I'm still going to move towards seeing if I can help if I can do some presentations on a CPR and get people to hopefully pick it up. But I have to also make sure to focus on the things that I do have power to do a power to do self dialog. I power to go to Vegas, I have power to start eating healthier and getting some exercise because I really haven't been doing that. Simple things. I feel like for finding the dimensions that I want to work through me not necessarily work on but what do I want to work through me. And so part of it is thinking back to some of the stuff I talked about myself with which I don't remember if I tried to just think of it and summarize it. I don't think I could but perhaps things Come to me. I know laughter is important. And altruism, which I haven't really connected with fully at all. And I guess I feel like there's just not that many people in the world I connect with my friend who were going to share brains and get creative, I really connect with him. And I connect with my family, because they're my family. And other people, for sure. I guess I feel sad that many of us who have been labeled, are sort of medicated into mediocrity and medicated into a shorter lifespan. And, and I find it sad. I find it sad to hear people talking of such simple things and painful things. It's almost like keeping one's life so simple, because life has been so painful. And that's just really sad to me. And and I don't even want to wait for an ecpr movement for people to be thriving. I just I don't know, I don't even know what I'm trying to say or what I'm feeling. But I talked today with them about how I'm sort of walking a fine line staying down here in California, because I have to take this half a circle to sleep, and I've been taking it longer than I would ever want to just to get to ecpr. So tonight, I'm not going to take the half circle, and I'm gonna see if I sleep. I didn't stop and get the Benadryl and maybe I should have, but I'll take the circle if I can't sleep. But if I can good. I'm just tired of relying on these medications. And I talked about that. And I'm taking the Hardy nutritionals. I don't know if it'll work. So it's just I don't know, and I don't have a lot of energy. And I just don't feel the greatest. I was thinking that labeled Lives Matter people with labels and diagnoses that whether they're correct or not. And then the people trying to help and support them are burning out. And it's just, it's all messed up. And and when I watched that talk by Matthew Federici, he mentioned, too, that people can move beyond needing service and needing medication. And that people shouldn't be told that they're going to need this stuff for life. And he also mentioned something interesting. That reminds me of exactly what I'm doing with this process of self dialogue. He said, new dialogues emerge out of new eyes, different perspectives than the traditional perspective. And what I've been talking about is many different perspectives than the traditional perspective, as I've seen from my numerous perspectives, because part of what happens through meta consciousness is the ability to take perspectives and see from many different perspectives. And I think he said new dialogues and new insights, he either said that, or I just wrote it down and even say, crisis defined with a mental health label. So implying that it doesn't necessarily have to be defined in that way. And I really feel like people who are advocates yet still connected to the system. They know a lot more and they're just holding back. They're only saying so much because they know they can only say so much. And they say quite a bit beyond what the system would think. So they're providing valuable insight, but I still think they hold back So perhaps the more of us who have more contacts and more perspectives and more of a voice, a stronger voice, then people who are in the position of advocates can actually speak up even more, because there's more evidence. It's, it's the people speaking up, or the evidence, that's going to be the biggest evidence. So yeah, I've talked about a lot of different possibilities in these dialogues from the very beginning talking about creating respite, I'd love to create a respite where people that get labeled get to help homeless people, because people that get labeled often connect to altruism, and then that way they could help homeless people and then be altruistic, and then feel better about themselves and put their newly acquired sensation and orientation in their brain to use instead of just trying to bend it back to the old egoic way of being. And then when that starts to happen, it starts to get bent back, a person seems even more egoic because they're not liking this. This shift back from the way that they were growing. So so those are like dream size projects, that again, I don't have the power to carry out on my own. And then there's things like, I'm going to create something just to remind myself of what is within my control, and what can I move towards in terms of being superhuman to be able to help people with their magic. I don't want to help people with mental illness. I want to bring about this totally different dimension in the human mind, this other category, to category beyond categorization, and haven't been in touch with it for a long time. So for the scary aspects of it, and I want to re invite it into my life. But I feel like I need to be prepared to live that energy. live with that energy. Live as itI sit here and I really don't know how I feel. ecpr was all about connecting with and talking about feelings. And I say I feel a lot, but generally I don't share feelings, partly because a lot of them are suppressed by the medications. Last night, I definitely felt something. I went to sleep without taking the half a Seroquel. And at some point during the process of falling asleep, my heart did that thing where it sped up and was beating really fast and strong, and I was terrified. And this time, it actually didn't wake me up right away. And I remember just laying there with this intense fear of death. Like I don't want to die one day, or I don't want to die right now. It actually seemed different than last time. Last time, a few weeks ago, it felt like that sensation of panic where I thought I was going to kill myself, like I have to kill myself, but I don't want to. And this time it was different. It was a different experience of that death terror. It really felt like I really don't want to die one day. Yet at the same time, I fear that when I do die, it'll be by my own hand. So it's kind of paradoxical that I would have that intense. Not wanting to die one day yet, fearing dying by my own hand. That's quite something I don't know what it is. But so when I did wake up after probably like 20 seconds, I took the half a Seroquel last time it was different. It woke me up immediately because I jumped up feeling like I might actually do something to end my life. But it's always about getting to my safety plan. Before I do that before I feel I need to do that. And I always do. So once I got my zap strap. And once I took the Seroquel, I felt fine, not fine, but I went to sleep. So this time it was a different flavor of death. And I have to remind myself that it could just be psychological death, then part of my psyche dies. It creates a bodily reaction just like if I think of something scary, my body's gonna react even if I'm sitting right here. And we're doing that to ourselves all the time. We're thinking things and our body's reacting. So it makes sense that if the psyche is dying, there's a bodily reaction. And if I wasn't here in California, I might actually see what that turns into without taking the Seroquel and I talked about getting Benadryl and I didn't get Benadryl. So today I did because of that reaction to it. And I talked to the people at hardy nutritionals and they said, it's better to go off it. Bye going down to a quarter and then going down to an eighth. So I feel tired and I feel out of shape and I feel like I'm not eating healthy. When I got here I was at least eating okay ish and under eating a bit and I was slender, which I prefer that, especially when I'm taking medications so my body can deal with all the toxins of the medication. And I feel a little bit like going home. And then I realized that I wouldn't be able to sit outside I wouldn't have access to this. expansive nature doesn't mean that I won't go home. It's just I'm a bit conflicted. I'm not really feeling that great mentally. So I'm getting through the days but not in the greatest fashion, I'm kind of blurred out and the days are a blur and I i've talked recently about things like super humaneness. And it's like I'm wanting to talk myself into those possibilities yet at the same time. Aside from being in the psych ward, I'm not in the greatest place right now. And it almost seems like when I go to those far off possibilities, by speaking about them. It feels like I crash even more after that. So it's difficult to know what to do. I feel like I need to focus on doing nothing and getting healthy and I keep talking about this, but I just ate a bunch of chips with some kind of dip. I just feel so lazy when it comes to that stuff. So I'm supposed to go down on my medication 1/8 at a time for the next eight weeks. So right now is me not doing the greatest but not doing terrible either. I wonder if I'll stay here for the weeks and do that process at the same time or what will happen. Anything could really happen right now I could end up going home tomorrow. Or I could end up staying till mid August. I miss my family I miss my community of people is beautiful here. But it's also beautiful just to have a community of people that one cares about. I really care about my community. Here there's a community of beauty and there's a few people around but but not a lot. And I've talked about before how I do best when I'm around people. So here I have sun, I have nature. I have wildlife and insects. tried to save one of your brothers earlier from the road, but I just kept walking. They were very determined to walk across the path. And now I sit down and there's one of you on me. Oh, you're looking away. Right now there's four butterflies doing a dance. That's beautiful. And the other thing about the death thing. Krishnamurti talks a lot about death. And I feel like I could just go through it somehow. They're so cute or they go What I'm thinking of is that we all die at some point. Yet, we're so worried about this life when we're living it. We're all gonna die. So it doesn't really matter. And I'm not saying that in the sense of do nothing or it doesn't matter. So just be mean. It's more just the fact of it all and. And I've also been thinking about reward and punishment. And when I was thinking about how we've all been forced into mediocrity, I'm not sure why I would care if people have something negative to say about what I'm sharing. When most people just have mediocre minds. And I'm not saying that I don't, and I do too. But why would I care? What a mediocre mind who can't really grasp this? has to say about it? Why am I not more concerned about if it might be helpful to somebody? Why am I so afraid? And there's people out there that are courageous, they'll just share and say what they want to say and share their message. And and if somebody says something about it, they just aren't concerned. Even if somebody does say something, they forget about it the next day, they go on with their lives. So in a way that people that might benefit will put more energy towards it than the people that would not. I guess it's partly because what I have to say sounds like it's against psychiatry. And part of it is it's against the way it's delivered. Yeah, at the same time, I feel like I still utilize psychiatry stuff, and maybe I will have to in the future. So I guess it's difficult, because I want to be strong and have transcended it yet. I'm in this place where I feel on the tipping point of being in some major distress. Another thing I've been thinking about a little bit is that if I feel like I'm in distress, or I'm afraid of death, or whatever it is, it's it's a common human experience. It's not just me, it's not mine. Maybe I'm feeling that and experiencing that, but it's not mine. It's, it's from somewhere. It's just part of the collective and part of mine as well. To feel like I'm struggling Well, we are struggling, we're all struggling. I guess I just hope in eight weeks I'll have come off some of this medication, I'll feel better. It's probably better to do it here. Otherwise, I'll be just sitting at home in somebody's basement. Maybe it would be beneficial if I just spent all my time sitting outside doing nothing. Because it's something that I wouldn't be able to do if I was back home. And at this point, I don't know if I'm gonna go see Celine Dion. I have this rental car for four or five more days and that's what happens. I have these plans, but then a lot of times it just becomes a waste because I'm not even feeling like I can use Lies it sucks to not be able to trust that one can just do what one wants to do when one wants to do it. That little butterfly over there so cute. He looks like he is this little fluffy body and he's flapping his wings up and down like measuring the wind or something and waiting for his friends to come along so you can join their dance and see now I'm off self dialog yet. I feel like I'm doing worse than when I was on that and talking on feeling some kind of urge to do so. And then I forget so yeah, death reward and punishment. And I wrote a bit of my story for Katie motorhomes emerging proud campaign for the blog, and I think I'm gonna give word for to go ahead and publish it. I wanted her to wait until after I got to ecpr even though I'm feeling kind of low and not clean. I almost feel like I don't care anymore. But I do care. But it's I'm not. I'm tired of caring about worrying. My family, I'll see the story and they might worry or I don't know, I just I don't know. Okay. Usually you would run away by now. Did you get hurt? Yeah, right. Good luck. And then I was reading a talk by Krishna Reddy. And he was talking about how we always wait for this pressure before we do anything. And I was thinking a bit about math consciousness when we're in it. We have this pressure of the universe making us act. And then when we're not in that anymore. It reminds me a bit of harvest practice and body. Can we do those things without the pressure being applied? And then yet, it seems like this other pressure is happening for me where it's something building up and then leading to this thing happening at night where it feels like dying. And being afraid of that. Maybe it'll just pass maybe I can just let it pass. Why do I have to be afraid of that? And what's causing that pressure to build up is being in California and just sort of doing whatever causing a different kind of pressure to build up Maybe the butterflies now. Maybe I could just ask what's the cause of this pressure butterfly. He left. His friends flew by and he left his back. Oh, oh. I have no idea if I caught that on camera. But if I do go back, I think I'm gonna buy a stand up paddleboard and just spend time on the water. But it's not water season there yet. So, maybe last year or day, maybe last year, another month, maybe two, maybe three. Somehow I need to take an interest in this body. Think I'm going to quit drinking coffee to start maybe I'll just sit out here and start doing some of that self dialogue. At least it's something even if it's just for my own entertainment not doing anything altruistic right now. Maybe releasing this blog article be good. Start some conversation. Dr. Fisher was talking about how relationships heal. yet here I have a couple relationships but they're new and it's not like home so I came down here and it's beautiful in so many things but I don't have my relationships which are the strongest and most important thing. We some learning relationships are important. So tonight, I really hope that I sleep better with that Benadryl and I'll take a quarter of a Seroquel and the trazadone and see what happens. Maybe it's good that some of this is coming out, but just little by little. I think I just want my energy back. Life is more challenging when one doesn't have energy.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/bipolar_inquiry. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

हम उनकी गतिविधियों से समझ सकते हैं कि अभिनेता विशाल का राजनीतिक हित बहुत है। उन्होंने अभिनेता गिल्ड और प्रोड्यूसर्स गिल्ड चुनाव लड़े और जीते। उन्होंने 2017 में आयोजित आरके नगर विधानसभा उपचुनाव में चुनाव लड़ने के लिए अपनी याचिका प्रस्तुत की। लेकिन उनकी याचिका खारिज कर दी गई। वह राजनीति में तब से शामिल नहीं हैं। बताया गया है कि विशाल ने आगामी विधानसभा चुनाव लड़ने का फैसला किया है। इस बार उन्होंने इस चुनाव को न केवल खुद के साथ, बल्कि उन दोस्तों के साथ करने का फैसला किया है, जो लोगों के कल्याण की कामना करते हैं, जो अपने जैसे लोगों की सेवा करते हैं, साथ ही पीपुल्स वेलफेयर मूवमेंट के भाइयों के साथ।

We are still on lockdown doing the show remote. We talk about the virtual comedy show we did, John Jhas a virtual therapy session and everyone is eating like shit. John J also talks to Dr. Krishna Reddy and Jander Gray.  

Comedians Krishna Reddy and Cassy White stop by the Trophy Dad Podcast to share dad stories and to talk about vaccinations and 2020 Democratic Candidate Andrew Yang. Beer of the Week: Coney Island Brewery - Mermaid Pilsner F*cked Up Clip of the Week (Knock Out Video): https://www.liveleak.com/view?t=schGR_1551815513

A new weekly segment, where scientist and comedian Krishna Reddy takes you through some of the major scientific breakthroughs of the last week.

Comedian/Scientist Krishna Reddy joins the Trophy Dad Podcast to chat about using the wrong bathroom as a kid and Santacon. Beer of the Week: LIC Beer Project - Party Crasher F*cked up Clip of the Week (Dog chewing on a dildo): https://www.liveleak.com/view?t=CiGb0_1545040804 Clip 2 (Racist Russian on the subway): https://heavy.com/news/2018/12/anna-lushchinskaya-2/?fbclid=IwAR3cW3zeSliMIo3UW7SHXEUKZDLqRdW8RPf_jQo2QLtWKZSgO-4iXih5_R4

Subscribe, 5 ⭐ And Please Write A Review! The funniest or biggest hater reviews are likely to get a shout out on the show.   Where To Listen, Watch, Review, and Share With A Friend! Spotify http://bit.ly/swequity iTunes http://bit.ly/se-it Laughable http://bit.ly/2k7y6Ff Facebook: http://bit.ly/se-fbp Law Smith is an SMB Consultant, Digital Strategist, Stand Up Comedian and President of Tocobaga Consulting. Eric Readinger is a Website Producer, Video Editor, and Partner at Tocobaga Consulting.

This week we had Krishna Reddy in to talk about his new podcast Jest Tube . We talk about Gasparilla, John J’s injuries, Stuey’s world Travels, and the Grammy awards.

via Jest Tube Podcast description on iTunes For the first episode, Krishna is joined by Law Smith, a comedian, business/marketing expert, and host of the Sweat Equity podcast. With the help of Pedialyte, Law powers through a 'new dad hangover' to chat about the parallels between growing a business and a lab, the world of grant writing, and the challenges of public awareness of science. Law even manages to use a beer bong as a business metaphor. Recorded at the TocoWorks studio in Tampa, FL.  

Johnny B, John Jacobs, and Krishna Reddy are in the Fat Cave talking frantically! This show is all over the place, they discuss how burglers should be required to dance, a beaver attack that is actually hilarious, crystal meth, JB's coaching mishaps, why you should vote, gay people, and who Krishna Reddy really is. It's nutty!