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Read to the bottom for FREE access to Linda's Workshop, "Mary and Martha Decide to Homeschool". Yvette recently had the privilege of sitting down with Linda Lacour Hobar, author of The Mystery of History, for an interview for The Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. In this discussion they explore how you can determine if you are a “Mary” or a “Martha” personality type, and how that will affect your homeschooling, parenting, and marriage.  Through homeschooling her children, and service as a missionary, Linda discovered a genuine love for world history where famous and not-so-famous people have shaped time itself by the mighty hand of God. Watch the video of this full interview for free on the Schoolhouse Rocked Backstage Pass website. In the year 2000, Linda sensed a clear call to write The Mystery of History series for her children, grandchildren, and generations to come. Since then, this “Chronological, Christian, Complete” program has become a hit with readers of all ages. While fact-filled and thought provoking, Linda’s writing style is warm and personable. The Mystery of History has been awarded “Best Homeschool History Resource” in 2012; Cathy Duffy’s “100 Top Picks”; Mary Pride’s “Practical Homeschooling Reader Award”; and The Old Schoolhouse “Excellence Award.” Backstage Pass members get access to an exclusive, 25-minute bonus video, in which Linda Lacour Hobar gives "10 Tips for Homeschooling as a 'Mary'". Not a Backstage Pass Member yet? Save 10% on any paid membership when you use the coupon code "PODCAST10". Backstage Pass memberships go directly to support production on Schoolhouse Rocked: The Homeschool Revolution. More from Linda Lacour Hobar: Get your copy of The Mystery of History Check out The Mystery of History Video Lecture Series online! Get Linda's Mary and Martha workshop for FREE! Use the coupon code ruMaryorMartha to download of Linda's "Mary and Martha Decide to Homeschool" workshop today. (Coupon expires 12/30/2019) Let’s pretend that Mary and Martha decide to homeschool. Following their character, Martha would probably have all her plans in place (and be frustrated), and Mary would probably be at the feet of Jesus (and way behind schedule.) We all have a little of Mary and Martha is us, but this workshop is designed to encourage Marys – who love the Lord and their children, but need help and structure to successfully homeschool. The presenter of this workshop is a self-proclaimed Mary (Linda Lacour Hobar, author of The Mystery of History) who managed to homeschool for 17 years, and still likes to talk about it. Download your free workshop here, when you use the coupon code ruMaryorMartha.     Transcript (automatically generated - spelling and grammar errors are guaranteed!) Yvette Hampton:           Hey everyone, this is Yvette Hampton and I am so glad to have you back with me for the podcast and I have an amazing guest on today who I actually have had on the podcast once before. So you are a return guest, which is really fun. Linda Lacour Hobar is the author of The Mystery of History. I'm sure many of you use it, but If you don't, you definitely want to check it out. Our family uses it. We use the audio version and we have the book version as well, which we absolutely love.                         As a matter of fact, I remember when we first started homeschooling and we were looking for a history curriculum that was taught from a Biblical perspective. And that was really important to us. And we've talked a lot about this on the podcast that we wanted something that was going to direct our girls’ hearts towards Scripture. And so many, many people said, well you need to get The Mystery of History. And I was like, it has a really cool name, so it must be great. And now I am sitting in the dining room of Linda and it is so much fun to get to sit here. We for those of you who have been tracking with us over the past year, my actually past couple of years, you know that we travel a lot and we've been traveling for filming the movie. And so this summer we have traveled a lot.                         We have been on the road the entire summer and we were coming through Memphis and you had mentioned to me awhile back that you lived in the Memphis, Tennessee area. And so I called you up and I said, Hey, can we come and see you? And so here we are sleeping in hers. I'm an empty nester and have three guest rooms. I'm like, absolutely. You come on, you are. And, and it's been fun. Talk about that a little bit about your family. Cause you were a homeschool mom for many years. Actually, through your whole, your children's childhood, right? So you've got three kids. Tell us about your kids really quickly. Yes. So we homeschooled for 17 years and my children are very much grown up now. They're 34 30 and 26 which means that I was homeschooling back in the late eighties and nineties right before there was.com can you even imagine there was no internet, there was no cell phones. Linda:               So, I'm a true veteran. Yeah. I wish sometimes that we were back in those days because it seems like things would have been simpler in a way where they probably yes and no. There was fewer opportunities which actually left us home more and at home we got things done. So there is that beauty because homeschool does work best at home. Right. I would say one of today's homeschool moms challenges is that there is so much opportunity that you have to kind of be careful because you could wind up, you're away from the house and then you're not homeschooling your everywhere else but home. So it's right. Sometimes there's simpler days really. There's some legitimate to that. Yes, yes. And we always are having to find a balance between having our kids socialized, of course, because that was always the big thing for so many years is you know, homeschool kids are cooped up in their houses all day, every day of the week and they need to get out and explore the world and socialize with people. Yvette:             And so, it was, I think the tides have shifted, but somehow, they've shifted almost to the extreme, right? Being away from the home so much. So we do have to find an important balance. And you've been in the homeschool community for a really long time because, I don't know, when did you first write The Mystery of History? Linda:               Volume one: 2000. I was having a midlife crisis of sorts. I was turning 40. It was the year 2000 and now y'all all know how old I am. And I was praying for about a year. The Lord was stirring it in my heart, but it was in the year 2000 that I started writing. Yvette:             Wow. God has used you in an amazing way to write this curriculum that still, you know, 19 years later God is still using it and you've gotten your revisions coming out.                         You have a new revision that just came out for volume one and it's beautiful. You guys, I got to see it today and it's colorful and it's vibrant and it a, you've just done an amazing job in, it's not just the colorful pictures in it, but the content that is in it and we, our family lives The Mystery of History. It's, it's what we use for history. So take God be the glory. That's right. And as I'm hearing, you know, I've really gotten to hear your heart for families and homeschool moms and really what God has put on you to help moms like myself who really are not history buffs like you are. And so you've been able to help me to teach history, but you go to homeschool conventions and you get to speak to families all over the country, which is amazing. And I remember meeting you back in, I think it was March, we were at Teach Them Diligently in Nashville and we were talking about some of your workshops and you said you did one on Mary and Martha. Linda:               “Mary and Martha Decide to Homeschool.” Yvette:             That's right. And I was so intrigued by it and I was like, wow, I really want to know more about this. And so that's why we're doing a podcast with you today. Cause I want to talk more about this whole Mary and Martha idea cause I'm not sure yet where I fall in line with. Am I a Mary? Am I a Martha? So, so let's talk about this. Explain to me this workshop that you do on and Martha. Well, in order to do this subject, any justice, we really do need to go to the Scripture first and find there's four stories about married Martha in the new Testament. And for those who may not know, these sisters, there's Mary Martin, their brother Lazarus, and their stories really are fabulous. It still amazes me that we actually have this insight into these new Testament lives. I mean just how precious they are. So, without being too much of a Bible teacher, I am going to just follow the Scripture so that we start there because really, we're only deriving and gleaning things that we think we could know about them. I mean, I've not met these ladies, but based on some of their responses to Jesus, this is what picking up. So Linda:               Then that all applies to homeschool moms and we're going to get there. So if I may, I'll start with Luke tin has the classic story that most people know. That's the one you might be familiar with. You hear pastors preach on it. And this is the story where basically Jesus comes to visit Mary and Martha and Lazarus in their home. And Martha is a bit perturbed with her sister because Martha feels like she's doing all the work in the kitchen. And she were literally fusses and kind of wags her finger and like, Jesus, will you not rebuke my sister who's just sitting around listening to you? And so that's the famous story. And the end of that story is that Jesus does not rebuke Mary. He's actually like, no, Martha, you're missing it. She's doing the better thing because Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus sitting, wanting to eat clean wisdom from him and learn from him listening.                         And of course, all my Martha friends will say, somebody had to put the food on the table, and I know that and we're going to get to that. And she has a servant's heart. Martha does. But Jesus does push back on that. He's like, you're missing it. You're missing the heart. You know, don't be so consumed. But another story in the new Testament that's much longer, but we can get a lot of the two gals out of it is the S the passages that come out of John 11. And so this is the story. So we've already had the story in John of them just serving Jesus. But this is another story now where Lazarus, their brother is actually dying. And so Mary and Martha, a call out to Jesus like, please come because our brother is so sick, he's dying. Well, interesting. The passage says in John 11:5five, “Now, Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.”                         So right there to clear the air. He doesn't favor one sister over the air. He never does. He loves them all. And then it goes on to say, so when he heard that he was sick as in Jesus, when he heard Lazarus was sick, he stayed two more days in the place where he was. So Jesus purposefully delayed his visit to let something horrible happen. The man's just sick. Jesus doesn't go right away. And it's not because he doesn't care. It's because he has a plan. So I think it's very interesting that we see that Jesus just allowed something to happen. So Lazarus does die. And then what happens next is that we get a picture of Martha's response first to Jesus once he finally shows up and she's peeved. And then we have a picture of Mary when Jesus shows up. So let me glean a little out of this just with you.                         It says now Martha, as soon as she heard Jesus was coming when and met him, but Mary was sitting in the house, so can't you just picture Martha? She kind of marches over there like Jesus and she says, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you. Now, what is critical in this is that Jesus has such a relationship with Martha. He must respect her, right? Because what he does to respond to her is give her a theology lesson, one that he won't give Mary, but they don't give to Martha. This is an incredibly faithful woman. I mean, I do love Martha. And he goes on to say to her, I am the resurrection and the life like boom. I mean he just lays it on her and you know, keep in mind this little new Testament family, they haven't yet known Jesus to die and be risen from the dead yet they don't know and they don't know that I don't even know what the hell are you referring to.                         So that's like, okay, but Martha says, and we have the record of her faith and testimony. Martha says, yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the son of God who has come into the world. Whoa. I mean this is an amazing woman, right? And again, she has not yet seen Jesus die and come back to life. But she is like convinced. So she has great faith. But anyway, the story goes on and Martha sins word and says, Jesus is so many of you. But, but she tells her in secret. I don't know why Martha feels like she has to tell that to Mary in secret, except that maybe she's afraid Mary's going to cause a scene. This is just my guess is like I know when I go to a restaurant with my family and they're always like, mom, you know, don't call the scene if you don't like me to bring them birthday presents at restaurants because I want to call it a scene.                         So, I just picked her. Mary is much more demonstrative or feelings or something. So Martha's like just in secret, like Jesus is summoning you, which again, Martha has to meet him on the road. But Jesus summons Mary. So he is tuned in her broken heart. The brother's dead, right. So what's interesting is, so then it says also Mary has a little support group. So she's there with her friends as it says, you know, the Jews are with her in the house or comforting her. So Larry has a support group. Martha doesn't, she's self-sufficient, right? But Mary has a little group of people in any way. It says Mary then went to Jesus and saw him and she fell down at his feet and said, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. The exact same words Martha said, but in a different posture, right?                         And in a different manner. Martha's kind of busted and a Mary's broken and at his feet. And I think the picture, I get a Mary over and over that she up, very broken woman. We don't know her whole story, but I see a lot of brokenness on her. She's very distraught a lot. So she's more weeping. And then when Jesus sees her weeping, do you know what he did? Is it's the shortest verse in the Bible. You know the one come to Jesus. What? Jesus wept. Jesus isn't weeping because Lazarus is dead. He's weeping because he loves his people and he sees their pain. He's weeping at Mary's broken heart. He's not so prized, and he's not surprised. And of course, the next part of the story is that he does in fact raise Lazarus from the dead. We don't hear peep out of the sisters.                         Again, I'm on that particular thing. But Lazarus is raised from the dead. What an incredible, just foreshadowing of what price is going to do. So any way to beat him. But here's something neat. There's another story of them. Okay, so I've given you, there's the classic stories. Then there's the raising of Lazarus, but there's one more. John 12 get this as a six days before the Passover came to Bethany where Lazarus was, who had been dead, who he raised from the dead and there they made him a supper, get this and Martha serve. It's like, and she had learned a thing. She's still serving because Martha is Martha, right? So Jesus get her, she's an toner and Mary's doing a better thing, but she's still serving because somebody still has to put the dinner on the table and it's Martha. Yeah, this woman is faithful, so I still love her, but this is what is happening.                         In contrast then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, wiped his feet with her hair and the houseless filled with the fragrance of the oil. How many of you guys lose, you know, use essential oils, right? Can't you just imagine the fragrance we're talking about a year's worth of wages is what this oil costs. This is an extravagant act of worship. Now picture this too. She's wiping his feet with her hair. Well, I know that that was a certain tenderness and all, but I also, there's a part of me thinking this was a spontaneous act of worship. Was she unprepared? Did she not like bring a cloth? Right? And like knowing in speech, she's like, I'll just use my hair like she is. So this is so just, she's probably really not thinking ahead because again, they could have used this money maybe differently, but we know in her spirit, she's anointed him as the savior.                         He is, she wants to serve. And it's again a foreshadowing up because the, these oils, this is like burial, ceremonial preparation and all this. And I don't even know if she knows that, but she's just doing this. Now what's so neat is that of course the disciples bus, Oh, you know, this could have been used and given to the poor. Jesus says, let her alone. She has kept us for the day. My burial, they still don't even know he's going to die. Right. And so let her alone and then it goes on and there's this bonus in Mark that just, this is what gets to me, Mark, another gospel writer will say this is Jesus speaking. And he says, assuredly, I say to you, where ever this gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be told as a Memorial to her, Oh wait a minute, the Bible over and over spotlights Jesus.                         But in this one instance, Jesus is going back to what Mary had done again. I'm picturing a broken woman. She's not getting the dinner on the table. People are fussing at her. She's got a support group. She cries a lot. She's kind of a mess. She had broken this oil, puts it on his feet and everything and Jesus says that that act would be remembered where ever the gospel is preached. Well, that's a message for eternity and I just am kind of like still a little taken back that of all the little heroes of the faith, he could have pointed out, he points a little light at Mary just a minute. Like it's okay with him that she's on meth. Yes. Like he really is okay. K with that and loves her despite her. Like maybe he just loves it. She so needs him because this is what I'm picturing is and needy woman.                         I'm thinking of homeschool moms all over the country right now. Right. That's the context of this talk is you got to know these sisters. Yes. Yes. So, okay, so the workshop that you do is titled Mary and Martha decided to homeschool. Right? Which, which I love this cause as you're talking about Mary, I'm thinking of we're, we're probably split down the middle between homeschool moms. You know, the mom said, I talked to you, many of them are married, many of them are Martha. And there are so many aspects and personality traits from each one of them. So can we talk a little bit more about that? Because I want to figure out like, yeah, who, who personalities, who am I? I want you to tell me today who I am. We have a crave coming to know me a little bit. So you might already have an idea.                         I think I am and, and I'm a giveaway to probably by the way, I'm already speaking, but let's, let's hold that thought. Okay, let's go to the personalities. Just kind of dissect them. And I got a little professional help with this one because there was a man named Anthony who writes about these learning styles. And so based on some of his, I've applied his findings to married Marco. So he didn't do the Mary Martha part. That was just for me. But he would say, let me back up a minute. That people by personality typically are either concrete or they're abstract. So let's pause concrete meaning some people really thrive and bloom and grow on very tangible things. Black and white, right or wrong a B, I mean they're just concrete and so they manage things well. Then the abstract person is all over the place.                         The abstract is really a gross in the intangibles. The non-measurables. So they're inspired by beauty, love, peace, things you can't touch and hold. But that means something. Okay. So you have two very different, so people typically are concrete or abstract, but on top of that there's a way that people process those things and they process some typically either sequentially, which is in order or randomly, which is absolutely no order. So let's go back to those definitions. The obviously the sequential person finds natural order logical. There's an a, there's a B, there's a C, there's a one, there's a two, there's a three. And in fact of violate that is rock in the universe. You know what I mean? This person is tight ship. Yup. The random person is actually so confined by that. The random person doesn't operate well because a random person, they're just, they're just all over the place and it's like they're going to go with what feels right next.                         Not what's logical at all. So it's a collision of views and handling. So what I have in my, what I've derived with Mary and Martha from the new Testament is that I think that if you put a concrete sequential together, those are all the thinkers of this world. I think that's Martha. I just think that's her. And they would be very task oriented. And then if you were to put together the abstract as well as the random, well you got a hot mess and that's pretty much married. All right. Those are just what I derived from these sisters from what we can get. And you know, I haven't met them, but I can't wait to get to him and to meet him. But I think that that's what they are. And so again, Anthony Grigorik has defined those four and now some people, there's a few random people that crisscross on the seventh those.                         But I'd say most people, if they're concrete, they're also sequential. And most people, if they're abstract, they're also reading them. So really talking left brain, right brain, you're talking about free spirits versus, right. The non, which we need both in the world. Oh, absolution. Yeah, in a nutshell, we'll just call them thinkers and feelers. That's an easier way to look at it. And everybody thinks everybody feels but to different degrees. So let's just generalize thinkers, feelers. So now that I've said all that, let's go back to Martha. Okay. As a thinker, that means she's very task oriented and Oh my goodness, I know this Martha. Well, this is my story of Martin. I know this. Martha will because my mother is a Martha extraordinary, my sisters and Martha, my first born is a Martha. My husband has marked the qualities in that. There's a lot of things that are very precise.                         So, let me give it away now I am so not that, okay, I'm going to be a Mary, let me give to us now. I'm a Mary all the way through. So that means my entire life I have been surrounded by Martha's and in comparison, they're the efficient people. They're the logical people, they're the people that you want to get a job done, you give it to them kind of people. And you know, I can't measure up. I mean at least that's kind of how I feel. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, like I've been, you know, like, so that's been my problem. I've been like kind of surrounded by that. And some other examples of that is I'm like, let's go back to my mother again. She was a great mother and how she like took care of us because she liked to clean, she liked to cook and she's well organized in the pantry with Stockton.                         But it meant that if it was time for dinner, it's time for dinner. It doesn't matter how pretty it is outside, if you want to ride bikes no sooner now kind of a person. And she wanted things done a certain way. So all of say I was very cared for, loved by what my mother did for us as her gift is, she is a servant through and through, never complaining. Right. Okay. So that's all like beautiful. But I'm not any of those things. So let me ask you a quick question that about her. Did she, you said she was a servant through and through. Did she have more of a servant, hospitable heart or did she do those things because it was the, the thing that needed to be done? Both. Both. Okay. Both. I would say both. Yeah. Because it was with joy.                         She did those things. So she had met Mary and her two. Oh yeah. Because, sure. Yeah. Strongly loved us and all that, but it was going to express itself through Martha and Scott. You know what I'm saying? Okay. That's just the right thing to do. Okay. So let me now transition to the Mary yes. Definition and the Mary personality by what I've just described. I think Mary's on the opposite end of this spectrum. I think she's abstract and random. And so what that looks like is that she's very driven by feelings to a fault. They are the higher calling and C, Martha, the higher calling is getting the job done. She's a thinker for Mary. The higher calling is really paying attention to her heart. It just is. It's the higher calling. And so Mary can put feelings above a task. That doesn't mean she's a loser.                         He's not lazy, but she can rank things differently. Sure. She's a free spirit and she's all over the place. She runs late. Forget a planner. I mean, I'm notoriously late. Truthfully, she's really not the most responsible woman. She's not the person you want to pile on too much responsibility cause it really just may not get done right. But it's really like okay with her, which is what Martha can never understand. Like mothers just doesn't understand that, you know? So in contrast how I said my mother very much love just by what she did for us. And that's just true. I really don't have a servant heart. I hate to admit it now. I love people. I'm a people person, but like I don't love people by what I do for them. I love people by the experience I'm going to have with them. Okay. It's just a little bit different because in my mind, I guess I'm like, well, you can get the ketchup.                         I mean, I just don't write about my chair where my mother would because I don't know what that's like an act of love for her. And I'm like, but, but because I'm, there's so much abstract as in so much feeling, everything's in tangible, but my values are love, joy, beauty, peace. That means what I'm going to do is I'm going to pray with you. I'm going to invest time with you. I may counsel you, I write, I'm going to journal, I'm going to ride bikes at sunset. And let dinner get cold. I mean I'm going to be spontaneous. Yep. It goes on and on, whereas, you know, like spontaneity and my mom like those just whatever, which by the way, I haven't permission to completely give her as an example because she's so smart that ever. And we have done one of these sessions together and the little quiz I have coming is all based on my mom and she totally loved this.                         So, I'm not picking on my mom because she knows absolutely how much I love her. And let me say those too. We've both grown a little as we've aged, I probably become more of a Mart than she's probably become more of a mirror in that sweet. I mean, you know, cause we all have, we all have some of this, but anyway I guess so being a Mary and eventually we'll get to homeschool with it, but it meant clearly I'm a softy mom who's going to struggle with boundaries. I'm going to struggle with, you know discipline. I'm going to struggle with rules because inside I don't like any of that. Right. routine and schedule actually just SAPs the life out of me. It stifles me. I want freedom. I want creativity. I want, yeah, I'm, I'm all that. And so, where Mark, that's going to get the job done.                         So, can you just imagine them in homeschool, right? I mean, you've got two very different homes. So anyway, I think you need to go to your little sponsor thing. Yes. Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. So let's bring it back to homeschooling. And how does, how does being a Mary or a Martha relate to us as homeschool moms? Okay. Now again, I know I'm generalizing a little bit here. Give me some grace on that, but I could give you just four little snapshots. I think of what this means. A Martha looks like as a homeschool mom. All right, so you're ready? So I would say number one, this is the gal with lesson plans. Premade. Okay. And advanced. She's the pantry. Field trips. She can handle them. She's the co-op leader. And she should be like, this is the woman again.                         She's going to get it done. Yep. I would also say she might follow the classical model of education because we all know it's the hardest, takes a lot of preparation. I would say she again can run that homeschool co-op very well. And in my imagination, because I don't know, I'm not one, but I would imagine her homeschool is lined with filing cabinets and there's a place for everything. Yes. So we're at a timeline on her wall. Oh yeah. Yeah. It actually on the wall. Now in contrast, if we dropped Mary in to a homeschool world, and maybe this is just me, but she doesn't handle the lesson plans. She runs late for the field trips when you're as a field trip coordinator. And it was a mistake because it's like I had to make all the phone calls and didn't go very well.                         I liked them because I liked the adventure and spontaneity, but I need somebody else to organize it. Right. I would also say she's more inclined to follow an unschooling or eclectic approach because for one, she buys everything. She's feelings oriented. Right. So she can't make a decision. Right. You can't just pick one. Right. And she's all over the place. Let's see. I would also say you really don't want her in charge of your homeschool co-op, but you want her there on the committee to welcome the new people. Yeah, she's going to pray and counsel and share and love on them. That will come very natural to her. But you know, running the meetings, I don't know. And then last I would say her classroom is lined with artwork that she intends to frame one day, but you know, it's never going to happen.                         You know how hard it is to frame those little things, the momentum that you think you're going to frame. So I just have a little tip, Mary low. So if you're hanging up with one piece of scotch tape, you know what happens in time is those tops curl and then that little piece of artwork is curly. So just give up the idea that you're going to hang it in a frame because you're not, neither are you going to scrap bark, but hang it with two pieces of tape and don't last a lot longer. [inaudible] You're great. And then one day they all, yeah, to put the day that was, that was free Yvette:             So, okay, so in regards to actually homeschooling and figuring out who we are, you have a quiz? Linda:               Actually, why don't I give you the quiz. Okay. And let's see. I haven't heard these questions yet. I know I'm springing them on you. Just raw. I have to write this down. You do? Okay. So for your listeners, all of explain what I'm doing, I basically, I have 20 questions. Okay. So I'll try to go through them fast. Okay. 20 questions and really you either give yourself a minus one or a plus one depending on what I dropped down one through 20 [inaudible] cast right now. Yes. That might good. Helpful paper. Yeah, in Mary. Okay. Paper. You've got to go find paper and you're going to need to double space this. Just a quick one through 20 and if you're with a friend named Martha, she has a pen and paper for you. Now, you know, Mary actually didn't make it on time to the podcast even, you know she's not here.                         She's getting the, yeah, she's watching it later. Okay. Listening later, one through 20 I'll, I'll run through these quick and you're going to go minus one or plus one and then we're going to add them up at the end. And then we will, I have a scale that'll show you like where you lean. Okay. And by the way, this one are plus one minus ones or plus one. So you either get negatives or positives. Okay? By the way, if you wind up with a zero, you're like the perfect person. You're right in between the [inaudible] enjoying math. Am I going to have to add these at the end? You will. I use my calculator if you need to, but you know. Okay, so number one, okay. If more often than not, your library books are overdue. Give your cell phone minus one. Because what that means is that you probably am married.                         So, see Mary gets got minus ones. Okay? So that's it. Now. By the way, I'm notorious for being late at the library books. It doesn't matter how many times I write it down on the calendar, I just can't do it. And of course as homeschools, we take them by the basket, right? And so I always, I just, one's going to get lost under the couch. I just decided it was a handling fee and just paid them some. Okay. Number two, if you have ever menu planned for a month or have several meals in the freezer, give yourself a plus one because that's a Martha. So do I get it for myself? A zero self-esteem never happened. Yeah. If you have never menu plan for a month and you don't have meals in the freezer, if you don't, just put a zero. But if you have that, give yourself a plus.                         No one, Nope, never done that. Okay. Number three, if your family assumes you'll run late or you relate to this workshop, cause I usually do this in a workshop, give yourself a minus one the family just knows you'll be like minus one always late. Okay? Number four. If your shirts or shoes are organized by color, give yourself a plus one. See, I'm describing my mom. Everything's color coded in her closet. There's no way that's happening in my closet. Okay. Number. Let's see. Number five, if you're a curriculum junkie, because it's so hard to sell the old stuff, you get a minus one. So your curriculum junkie, you can't part with it cause you know how hard it is to sell curriculum on the internet. Oh my gosh. You have to [inaudible] numbers. That's a minus one. You can't do it. I got ya. Yeah. Number six, if you're in extreme coupon or, or at least close to it, you get a plus one.                         That's the thing with those coupons. I have time for that. I've decided coupons. I mean, why did they want to pay me for cutting out little pieces of paper? I just really don't understand that. I just go with, there's a tag and it's yellow, then it costs less and I buy three coupons. I throw them away. I can't do it. I like your logic. I can't do it. It's can I? Oh I know. Yeah. And I know some gals who beat me up for that. But you're good at it. They're gifted and they should do it, but like I'm not cause they're Martha's given it up. Right. Number seven if you're to do list is on the, on the back of your hand or on an envelope or on a receipt, you get a minus. Wow. Okay. Confession. Friends. I had to really work hard to give her this piece of paper.                         She's at my house and I had a hard time finding it. Aren't you glad I didn't give you an envelope writing this on my arm? I'd have to, by the way, I don't know where many Martha's who write on the back of their hands, but this is a Mary thing and I sometimes wish Sharpie. I put an important note right there. Oh yeah. No, I don't. You know, I'm pretty certain I'm a Mary, but I do not write on my hands. Okay. I don't like my hands to be dirty. Oh, okay. Well that's, that's bothersome to me. That's funny. All right. Number nine, if you scribe [inaudible] as one, we're on eight. Oh, don't listen to my numbers cause I've moved some things around. Okay. Okay. Next. If you cry spontaneously to love songs on the radio or to hymns at church, give yourself a minus one. Yvette:             Oh no, I don't. That's why you don't cry. I am not a crier. Oh my goodness. Linda:               Okay. Number 10 if you buy in bulk, but you work out of labeled containers that are just the right size for your cabinets or cupboards, you get a plus one. Oh. So if you're that lady, you know, you go to Costco, you buy in bulk, and then you have a place for it at home and smaller individual, not me. Okay. But that's my mom numb. Next. If you often start school in your pajamas and you do family read-alouds from your bed, which is unmade, well you get a minus one. There's just nothing like Charlotte's Web in the sheets. Right, right from the sheets.                         I love read-alouds in the bed yet unmade. And that was the, that was [inaudible] doesn't mind this one because I time everything. Got it. Next, if you organize small parties or meetings on an Excel spreadsheet, you get a plus one. I think that Martha and Excel go well together. Huh? Here's the next one. If you save the baby teeth of your children, give yourself a minus. What does a pregnancy test count? Because the [inaudible] I have saved my pregnancy. Is that disgusting? I shouldn't admit that on kids baby teeth. It's over time break apart, but I have them. I can tell you where they are in these little containers in my bedroom. Here's, here's my theory. I feel like, listen, those baby teeth are like metals of honor because you know how hard it was for them to get those towels. That's how you feel about the pregnancy test.                         11 stinking years! It took me to get as and or pregnancy tests. Why you can't, I had many, many negative ones, so yeah, after that many years to get a positive one, you keep it still in a Ziploc. At least put it in a Ziploc. It's fine. She washed them off. But yeah, these babies, he's like, we should make jewelry or something. [inaudible] That baby in the middle of the night. We were cutting those tapes together, making back lists out of my pregnancy test, I promise. Okay. That would be gross. Oh wait, where were we? Is that the minus one? And you're getting one for having a pregnancy test or I'll have to change my desk. Okay. Okay. we just got a few more. If you had a shopping list for a homeschool convention before you went [inaudible], you get a plus one, or maybe you just know what you're going to, you know, next year. Linda:               If you pray often for God's mercy because of mistakes that you've made, you get a minus one. Say again, I think, by the way, let me answer it. This little thing about Mary, you know, sometimes I think when pastors talk about Mary and Martha and they talk about Mary at the feet of Jesus, I think they make her out to be this very saintly, Holy woman. And I'm like, you know, Martha was the faithful one who's not going to break the rules and get into Mischief. But Mary, I don't think she was at Jesus's feet cause she was so wholly, my personal theory is I think she was a very broken woman with a lot of sin in her life who was at his feet out of pure worship and need, and so again, if you're the woman praying for God's mercy a lot, because you really, you know, you don't, you don't keep healthy boundaries easily.                         You, you do make mistakes. Big ones. I think that's a Mary thing. Okay. Anyway, I just think that's a misunderstanding of her. It is speed. It's not good. She likes this flow. Right, right, right. It's more like, Oh yeah, she needs Jesus. She needs Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Next, on a much lighter note, if you set up the coffee pot or tea before you go to bed at night, you get up plus one. When I go home to see my mother, this always happens. She'll be like, Hey honey, so do you want to set the coffee up tonight? I'm like, why would I do today what I can do tomorrow? She though would set her teapot up at night before she goes to bed. So then in the morning she just has turned it on, like just got a little cups go, we'll take it.                         And I never, I don't do that. No I don't do that. My oldest daughter who I told you is a Martha really? And that's because she started making her own lesson plans in fifth grade. That's when I figured that out. Why we're making them. She started making her own. I'm like, Oh you need more structure. Yeah. So anyway, she told me to like a week ago, I kid you not. She's like, Oh by the way, cause he just got this new workout routine and she's like, I'm just making the coffee like at night, but not turning it on. But I have it already and I just bust it out loud. I'm like, you are a Martha, like as you're doing it at night before you go to bed, which a great idea, but I'm just not in my universe. It's not going to happen. Okay. Sorry I do today.                         What you could put off till tomorrow. That's kind of, and I think this is, Oh no. Okay, hold on. Almost there. If you unpack the same day that you get home from a trip, I think you get a plus one because the end of a trip, no, I'm going to unpack my hair products. Right. My toothbrush and that was about it. The rest is going to sit for a couple of days. Just beat. I can't do that now. But Martha is in the, it is sorted. It is, yeah. My husband impacts the day he gets home. I mean it's put away if one lunch this week was a happy and granola bar that you found in the bottom of your purse, you'd get a minus one because he, again, Mary's, I'm thinking of time. Time is a tangible thing and she's into intangibles. That's why she runs late. She doesn't manage time well.                         So, she forgot she was leaving to run an errand right near noon when she should be hungry or you know, it's not on her radar. Right. So lunch is the granola bar. Yeah, bottom of the purse. If you offer your house, gets a hot breakfast, you get a plus one. I think that's kind of a Mark the thing now friends, she spent the night with me last night and she got boiled eggs this morning. But I don't know if that counts. You didn't get like paying the whole [inaudible]. I think it counts. They were delicious. But I gave you like a buffet. Yes it was fantastic. But Martha could do more than that. It was pretty, it wasn't, you know what? And by the way, some people listen to me giving this and they just kind of assume like maybe I'm just a disaster like around my house and stuff because they know claiming to be like a Mary who's a little bit, all this storehouse is very [inaudible] and comfortable.                         Well, I'll tell you why I figured that out. Mary is inspired by beauty to the point that she might keep it kind of tidy. Well, don't go look in my drawers event, right? Because there'll be real messy on the inside. But on the outside is kept kind of pretty because that does motivate me. I need that. So my space is, you know, kind of together. Yes. But that's different from, you know, they're different. So anyway. Okay. We're getting closer. Spontaneous field trips that count for school. You get a minus one, right. Can I go on field trip 10 on that one? You know, like, Hey look, there's a Caterpillar Digger next door. Yes. Dig it up, whatever. Let's count that. We travel full time almost. I mean right now full time, the other day we were driving through Texas and we came across Cadillac ranch, which I had never heard of before.                         And it's this random place in the middle of the desert where this artist, he, he buried a bunch of Cadillacs in the ground. Like they're like standing halfway up like Stonehenge kind of. Yes. Kind of get a storm. I got a point. Yes. And then it gets better because people take spray paint cans out there and you can spray paint on the Cadillacs. They've been there for like 40 something years. I'm from Texas and I don't know about Cadillac. One part of Texas. Where is this? Oh, I don't know. Panhandle. Oh no, but I don't know. Okay. Texas is huge. It is huge. So it's, I could have missed it somewhere in Texas. That's a great, it's on route 66 I can tell you that much. I couldn't tell you the town. But it's fascinating. And so there, I mean it does. Are we doing here that tourist field trips, spontaneous, spontaneous field trips and so we drove by it and we both were like stop the car. We have to go to Cadillac ranch and start. It's an, and it was amazing and our girls had a great time cause they got to spray paint cars cause who gets to do that? And that's fun. That's neat. Anyway, continue on. I'm sorry, we've got one more. Can you tell you got two Mary's here. So I tried. Okay. And you said I had one more. Okay. You're carrying a planner right now. Give yourself plus one cause you're sitting right here at my kitchen table. But normally I'm often Yvette:             Doing this at a convention and so if they have a planner on them, they get a point. So, okay, let's does a phone count as a planner? Well you've got a phone nearby. I always have my phone. You all near me and I always have my planner on my phone. I can't tell if your planner is on your phone then. Okay, so this is a plus one. You got a plus one plus one. Okay. Yes. Oh my. Okay. So now I need to yes, you add that up too quick and I'm going to give you a scale. We'll find out what you are, our listeners, I hope you'll be doing the same. And then based on your results, we have a couple of closing remarks. Okay.                         So, I have negative four. Oh, okay. Oh, you said Oh you want to meet. Okay. So here's how it goes with the points. So if you are M minus 10 to a minus four. Okay. Really are a married, I am married [inaudible] but you're a low scoring married. Okay. Which means I hear a little bit of Martha too, right? Yeah, yeah. Or it's balanced cause like a minus 10 is the, so you're saying I balanced is what you're really saying. Well, hold on. I want to show you, see if you're a minus three, two a plus three Oh really? A Mary Martha mix. Okay. Very healthy. So you're real close to that. Okay. Yeah. So you have some tendencies. Okay, you're close, but you, you are. Okay. Now if you scored a plus forward to a plus 10 I think you really are a Martha. Oh no.                         Yeah. And that's not what you scored. So like I literally would score minus 10 on this. Okay. Oh and my mother was four plus 10 wow. Okay. Like we are the very opposites. Every everybody saying is a true story here on my little, which is incredible because when we look at our children and how we educate our kids, and I love that you said with your daughter you realized and for fifth grade that she was a Martha. It's very helpful to understand our children's personalities, especially if they differ from our own. And, and that helps us to educate them better at home because if we don't understand them and how they think and how they respond to life, if you have a, if you're a Mary and you have a Martha for each child and you're trying to homeschool them and a Merry world, it will frustrate them.                         But, and also the flippy disciple. And if you, if you're a Martha and you're trying to educate your Mary child, you're making a cry, you're going to make them cry and you're going to fight with them and battle with them. And it's going to be a constant, the battle between the two of you. So what's the answer? How and a new way to celebrate this in what I would say is, first of all, I encourage, if you're a Martha, embrace that and always be a Martha. God has given you gifts and talents. Go change the world and use them. And if you're a Mary, do the same. Embrace your Mary cause God gave you, and maybe you're an impasse, maybe you're feelings driven. And maybe that means life isn't always pristine and it can get messy. Sometimes it does and a lot of drama can follow Mary. Sure. However, if that's how you're designed, embrace Linda:               It and think about who Jesus said would be remembered in eternity at the same time that gospel would be preached. He was referring to Mary's extravagant act of worship. The woman who is again appears to be a broken woman who truly loves him out of the deep need. And so it's like if that's you, then just wear it and love it and let Jesus just be worshiped. Mean. She wiped his feet with her tears and yes, I could cry about right now thinking about that because that moves me so much like I'm trying to imagine if I could see Jesus and how I would so want to fall before he sure did he ever saved me. I mean, I am a broken woman. I am. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and I've been redeemed. The gospel is good news. It is good news that Jesus saves.                         And so, like Mary just hold onto that and take a ride with that. And you're not going to get this homeschooling all done well, right? You're just not farmed out what you can. As a matter of fact, I have 10 tips for all marries who are listening and we can do that as a bonus time. Okay. But just in closing, for those who you know, need to cut it whichever you are, embrace it. Because Jesus loved Mary and Martha and Lazarus and what great plans he had even in their crisis. Yes. And isn't that assuring that there's always plans, there's God's plans, you be a Lazarus dies and they're still a good plan that Jesus has out of that. So anyway, I just wanted to say that, but homeschooling, I think it's a Martha world. It's heavy and Nat [inaudible] sufficient. And so I had felt over the years, you know, like some that I just didn't measure up.                         I mean, I didn't go to bed feeling very successful all the time. And as a homeschool mom and I had to adjust to my kids to get back to them. My kids were all far more structured than me. Yeah. I was the most free spirit of the family, so I had to step up. I needed to adapt and sometimes I just had to step up and that's what I will share as a couple of quick tips I have for Mary for the married life, and I love that about you because now your children are all grown, they're all married, you've got grandkids, and so I love that. I can look at women like you who have been there especially who have been Ameri and you felt like you were messing it up because we talk about that a lot. We talked about that in the movie.                         We talk about that on the podcast. I just had dinner with a couple of friends the other night and we all were talking about how we just feel like we're just messing it all up. I said, you know, it's so funny because oftentimes people will come to me and asked me questions about homeschooling and I can give them every reason why they should homeschool, but don't ask me how to homeschool because I feel I'm, I'm a Mary and I definitely always feel inadequate. I always feel like I'm messing it up and, and God continues to show me over and over again that he's doing it. Now he's using me and I still, like you said, I still have to be diligent. I can't just throw up my hands and say, Oh well God's going to do everything to be done. But at the same time, God's to fill in the gaps Yvette:             And there are always going to be gaps. But it's so encouraging to me to talk to a mom like you who's been there and now we can see the results of what your children have, have turned out to, you know, they are productive adults who love Jesus and that's what it's all about. Yeah. I still think we could call ourselves a successful homeschool family. And I have one last word. Some people may be listening going, and she's the one that wrote The Mystery of History. And in case that shakes your confidence in me because like you're writing behind the scenes that I'm not an altogether woman. Well, that's because God, to God be the glory. Amen. I ever authored the minister of history, but you know what ins, what drove those words? It was my feelings. SOC like I didn't pick a Martha to write and he picked a Mary.                         That's wrong. Because I think that history handled through some emotion and feeling we better see his hand in it. So anyway, that's where the passion comes from. And so, but it was hard and you can see that and how hard it was for me to do this. God, were you sure? Yes. He was like, I got this. You know, because for what? It's about him, right? I didn't invent these stories. They're nice stories and say any way he was able to use something that the world might call weak, right? Oh, to shine on him. But he has used you in an amazing way. And we were just talking about this at dinner tonight. And I was saying the thing I love most about the ministry of history is that it's easy for me as a homeschool mom to be able to use that curriculum because really I feel like I'm just kind of talking through it and having a conversation with my kids about it instead of it being so rigid textbook because I'm a Mary, I am not a rigid textbook kind of girl.                         Drives me nuts. And for some, you know, for the Martha's out there, they love that. And that works for them though the ministry of history is shine it. Yes, there's plenty of structure in it and there are, I mean, you can take it in several different directions as far as how deep you want to go with it. But for me it's great because I can see your emotion in it. I can see you didn't just take the facts and write them on a page. You, you brought meaning and feeling into it. Yes. And I love that about it. So, and it's all from a Biblical perspective, which that's what it's all about for us. So really quickly let me ask you, you've got the quiz is this, we do of course show notes that people can refer to on the podcast. Do you have that quiz handy that I can, we can send to people?                         Well, the best way probably did get that. It would be if your listeners wanted to get hold of the workshop, I had this workshop recorded in full and then they can get a little bit more and the quizzes are part of that and they can stop and start and take that. So yes, we can make sure that you're listing okay. To special coupon code. We'll put that in the notes. Okay. Okay. So we'll put a coupon code in the notes and give them access to that and then you can give them the final results of whether they're married or Martha or a Mary Martha. Yes. That scale will be a part of that is great. We are going to stop with the podcast, but for our backstage pass members, we're going to continue on. And you're going to talk about 10 tips. 10 quick tips for those of us who are married Mary homeschool mom doesn't need to hear this because she already knows what she's doing. She's a pretty natural at this. This is the struggle in Mary and there just a few little things I did. I mean these aren't like, this isn't rocket science. You just a few little [inaudible].                         Okay, so we'll continue on with that for backstage pass members. If you're not a backstage pass member yet, definitely go on the schoolhouse rock website, go to backstage pass member and then you can learn more about what that is, and you have access to all kinds of amazing videos and content and stuff. Linda:               And please subscribe to my website too - TheMysteryofHistory.com. Yvette:             And send Linda really kind emails and tell her how wonderful she has because I know that “Marys” need to hear those things. “Marys” have feelings and sometimes I think people I know we're way over time, but that's okay. I know sometimes people, they'll see your name on a book. You know, this lady Linda Lacour Hobar wrote The Mystery of History and, and you become a, almost a character to them instead of a real person.                         And it's been so neat to just get to know you over the last couple of days and though we've met before, but being in someone's home is completely different. And so, you know, we've, we've lived with you for the last couple of days. I've gotten to know your girls and that's a life changer for me because it's all about those. They are, when I get to meet the kids, that's the best class I write for them. Yep. Your girls are precious. Well and they love you and they were excited to hear your voice and attach me to the life. Yes, yes. Cause we listened to your audio. But thank you for what you are doing for the homeschool community and for all that God is doing through you. It's all for his glory. So thank you backstage. Mass members continue on with the video. It will be available in backstage past and we'll talk about 10 tips for us marries. And in the meantime, you guys have a great week. Thank you for listening today and we will see you back here next week. Bye.  

Learn how to prioritize everything you have going on in business... and how to find the number one most valuable project that deserves your time. For more on productivity go here: www.youtube.com/redirect?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.milesbeckler.com%2Fhow-to-make-time%2F&redir_token=UheMn9CxGrEEGIw9Rka0vZ-IsHJ8MTU2NTkzMTIwM0AxNTY1ODQ0ODAz&event=video_description&v=bvCNn7d7frk Or watch this video next: www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KOyIjg7MGE This video is going to help you understand exactly what is most valuable for you to work on. Next, in a moment we're going to jump on my computer and I'm going to show you a three step process that you're going to be able to go through to help you identify the most valuable and important thing for you to work on next. Because we've all been there, right? Whether you just went on vacation and came back whether you just finished up a really big project and you don't know what to do next, or you had friends and family come out for a few days and then you're trying to get back to work and like, what the heck am I doing right now? So this process is what I personally use to kind of get it all out of here and get it down and then organize it in a way, a clear data-driven decision of like, that is exactly what I'm working on next. Because once you have that confidence in what you're doing next, everything else starts to line up and you can kind of ignore everything else from there. You're just getting started in business online. You can use the same exact process for choosing the right business model, the right approach, the right content marketing campaign, etc, because ultimately there's 1,000,001 ways to make money online. You need to figure out one way and then stick with it. If you're following this person, that person, this person, and jumping all over the place, you're never going to make any progress. This will work in that same scenario. So let's jump right into it. I'm going to share my screen with you here in a moment and we're going to get my little drawing tablet out. So one second on that here. And here we go. I've got to clean out that last thing I had going on there. Just doing some copy coaching there. Alright, and on here. So the first thing that I recommend you do is writing everything out. Now there is a process, it's called daily pages and I believe it's from a course called the artist's way, which I've been through. And the theory here is when your mind is absolutely full and it's just running, it's just running with you. You should do this and that and this and that. And you can't focus in on one idea. That's because it's running. And the simple act of simply writing it all down is the number one way for you to gain clarity. Because once it's all out of your head, then your mind is free. So number one, write it down. Okay? Then number two is order. The biggest things, the biggest tasks with a time. That's a clock by the way. And a dollar representation. Okay? So what I mean by this is now that you've written down everything, this is going to be messy. I'm talking just notepads. It's stuff you can burn, you can throw it, you could shred it, it doesn't matter. Throwing your comp has been ultimately write it all out. But out of that, you sometimes go back through and you underline and you might think, well like, okay, so number one, I'm going to use myself as a little bit of an example. So number one, I could do a new affiliate site, right? Okay. Number two, I could build a new funnel. Okay? Number three, I could build a new upsell, Okay? And so on and so forth. Do you want to list out everything that you have going on? Everything that was in your mind, bouncing around, whether it was dumb, pointless, irrelevant. Get it down on this list. But here's the key for this second step. You want to go through and you want to go ahead and note how your estimate, right? It's just an estimate. And I'm gonna change color for this on how much money? On a scale of one to 10 this thing could bring you and how much time it's going to take you on a scale of one to 10 okay? So let's do the money first. So if I'm thinking of new affiliate site, I'm thinking somewhere around $3,000. So I would say that's $300 a month is what I would expect from a new affiliate site. So I would put that somewhere as a three on my list. A new funnel might bring me in an extra hundred thousand dollars a month, so our, excuse me, $100,000 a year, so I'm going to put this at a seven a new upsell might bring me in, you know, may I could attach it to a lot of different things. I'm going to say that's a five. I'm being arbitrary. Sometimes you just got to jump. I'm just trying to use some sort of a parameter that helps me understand about what it will take. And then we have the time factor k, so I'm just going to put t over here. So how long is it going to take me to build a new affiliate site? Now time horizon is important here. What is your time horizon? For me, a new affiliate site is a 10 out of 10 on time, which means that's the longest term thing. I'm building that one. As the case study.

Have you ever wondered how some divorced couples make their co-parenting so seamless and cooperative? Christina interviews renowned Co-Parent Coach and author, Karen Bonnell, for tips on achieving co-parenting success. Christina Vinters is a nationally designated Chartered Mediator on a mission to inspire and facilitate healthy family transitions. She is an “ex” Divorce Lawyer (Non-Practicing Member of the Bar), Author of Pathways to Amicable Divorce, and the DIY Divorce Manual, and Peacemaking Business Consultant. Karen’s work as a Collaborative Divorce Coach spurred her determination to write “The Co-Parenting Handbook” “ with Kristin Little, Child Specialist.  Karen has over 30 years of experience working with couples and families facing transition, loss, growth and change. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Karen has been board certified and licensed as an Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner since 1982. She served on the faculty of University of Michigan, Eastern Michigan University & Seattle Pacific University before beginning full-time private practice in 1984. She regularly writes for, speaks to and trains healthcare and legal professionals. As a certified Compassionate Listening trainer, Karen utilizes this heart-centered approach to authentic speaking and capable listening used around the world in high-conflict situations such as Israel/Palestine. Her deep listening skills make all the difference working with co-parent pairs in conflict as they find their way through the pain of divorce into a future with optimism. Guest Links: Website: https://coachmediateconsult.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pg/karenbonnellcmc/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/karenbonnellcmc  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenbonnell Modern Separations Links: Website: https://www.modernseparations.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/modernseparations Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcewell Twitter: https://twitter.com/cvinters LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cvinters Episode Transcript   Christina: Today I have the privilege of talking to Karen Bonnell, one of the leading experts in North America on co-parenting. Karen is a registered nurse practitioner, as well as a mediator, divorce coach, and co-parenting coach. She's the author of the widely-read and respected Co-Parents' Handbook, which is recently been republished as The Co-Parenting Handbook. She's passionate about helping parents be the best co-parents they can be. I think you'll find she's incredibly warm and encouraging, and you'll get a lot out of this discussion. Here we go. Christina: Good morning, Karen! Thank you so much for being here with me today. Karen: Christina, it's my pleasure. Christina: I am really thrilled to have you here because I love that your focus is on helping parents focus on the best interest of the children. Why don't you start by telling us a bit about yourself – how you got in the field of divorce, and what exactly is a parent coach? Karen: Wow, OK. Kind of a big question. So, Christina you might already know that I'm a nurse by training, and one of the hallmarks for nurses is really looking at a person's health, a family's health, or community's health holistically. And so my background really set me up for looking at families who are going through transition enormous lies on change, in a very holistic way. Which is to say that in order for a family to be healthy, all members of the family need to be tended to. So as I went through my own two-home family, family restructuring many, many years ago, before co-parent coaching was available,  I realized that without that support, without that education, that understanding, it made that transition much harder than it needed to be. So shortly thereafter, I got involved in a collaborative law community which is where I cut my teeth on divorce coaching, which led me headlong and heart-full into co-parent coaching. So a co-parent coach is someone who walks alongside parents from the moment they realize they may need to separate through their divorce and then hoist their divorce process to ensure that kids are well cared for; they become the strongest, most skilful parents they can be. Even as they come to a close with their intimate partnership. Christina: That makes so much sense. The systemic approach that you've taken and how that transition from nursing happened and make so much sense in this context. Yeah, I agree. You can't have a family functioning well if one or two parts of it are experiencing trauma or just stressed in general. Karen: Well, our floundering in the fear of uncertainty or really encourage to be adversaries in this system wherein the end of the day, we still need a parenting team to raise healthy children. So that whole risk of that litigation model for families is very real. Christina: For sure, and I will be doing an episode specifically on collaborative law, but for listeners who may not have a chance to listen to that particular episode, can you give us just a brief summary of the collaborative law and how you fit into that process? Karen: Oh, sure. So I mostly work as a mediator, Christina, just as you do. But there are times when a family... depending on the complexity of their situation or their emotional needs or just their particular orientation, would prefer to walk through their divorce process with attorneys at their elbows.  And in a collaborative process, those attorneys are there truly as counsel; everybody is in the same room, it's fully transparent, it is a respectful process, not necessarily easy. But respectful process where all parties, all the professional people – the attorneys, the mental health professionals, like the coach, the financial neutrals sort of circle the wagons for the couple as they figure out their property settlement, as they come to decisions about how to raise their children in two homes. So it's a non-adversarial process that just ups the support from what might otherwise just be mediation. Christina: OK, and within that process, you're broaden as an expert to help with the co-parenting pace, and help them workout the logistics and communication around that? Karen: Correct. Typically, helping them go through their parenting plan worksheet and preparation for creating their state-mandated parenting, you know, contract – their parenting form. And I'm also typically helping them prepare for their financial meetings, really helping them unpack difficult emotions. So that when they walk into those business meetings, they can do that with a strong mind and a calmed heart. So, kinda both of those worlds in a collaborative process. Christina: OK, interesting! And so what are the issues that you encourage people to think about right upfront? What are the types of things that you would address at the very beginning? Karen: Right at the very beginning, I work with parents to bring their children into the room. One of the conversations that I know I can engage parents around is “Tell me about your children”. And I ask them specifically, “Tell me about being a parent to your child,” “So, what it's like to be a mom to Lucien?” “What is it like to be a dad for Michaela?” Depending on the configuration of the families, by the way of two moms, two dads, or a mom and a dad. And that way, I can really help them anchor, and I tell them specifically, everything we do from this moment forward is in the service of those little beings that I know are the center of your heart. And that includes how you learn to treat each other, how you bring this relationship – this intimate partnership or a marriage to a close. And how you renegotiate and strengthen; how you'll be a parenting team “until death do you part”? Christina: And a lot of parents I find it takes them a while to acknowledge that there will be that ongoing relationship. It seems to me quite difficult for a lot of people to wrap up the intimate relationship. But at the same time acknowledge that they really do need to work on having that constructive parenting relationship for the sake of their children. Karen: That's exactly right, and part of their resistance is often oriented around feeling forced to move too quickly into, what we might call friends as parents. And I'm very, very clear with intimate partners who are emotionally distraught, bereft, hurt, betrayed – that they may never be friends with their co-parent. And I don't need them to be friends. I need them to be respectful, and I need them to be civil and that will take time to find their way through their grief, through their hurt, through their pain. That will then allow them to be those things. In the meantime, what I want them to do is respectfully to separate. So less is more in this situation. Less communication, less back and forth, things that do need to be talked about haven't talked about in a guided setting, in a facilitated setting. Where someone can help manage the trauma, so that we're not re-traumatizing very, very tender hearts, very, very hurt people. Right? So our first step is how do we really separate so we can heal, grieve what we need to grieve – what we lost. So that we can begin to form a future where we can parent our children. Christina: Now, what will you say are your top tips that parents should really have at the forefront of their minds – specific tip? So being respectful is absolutely key. I'm thinking more tactical or strategic tips that will help them move towards a successful co-parenting plan. Karen: Step one: Choose your professionals – the people who are going to support you through your separation and your divorce. Choose professionals who are going to support you as a member of a family that's in transition. In other words, your allies don't need to champion you in this, on your co-parent. We don't need to feed that adversarial energy, OK. So choose professionals who can hold your pain while at the same time not pouring gasoline on a fire. Okay? Number one. Number two: Self-care. Self-care. Can I underline that enough? I want you to make sure you're sleeping. Please cut back on your alcohol use. Try an exercise everyday. Do what you can to be a good enough parent. Don't worry about falling apart from time to time. There are so many strong emotions that go with the losses of an intimate partnership and these changes in the family. We gotta be gentle with ourselves. So allow for that healing process. Know that there's gonna be grief. Try not to fight it. Try and work with it. OK? So that's number two. Choose your professionals wisely, do your self-care, acknowledge that there's grief. Right? The third piece, the third step is as your nervous system begins to settle down, then it's time to educate yourself about what it would mean to be co-parent. “How would I do that?” “How do I show up at curriculum night in two weeks when I know my other parent, you know my children's other parent, is gonna be there as well?” “How do I do that?” “Very practical. I can walk in the room, here's how I'll choose my seat, here's how I'll greet my co-parent, and then I'll step away.” So just recognizing that there are literally steps for how to do this that will help you heal, while simultaneously help you move forward. Christina: And I'd like to pick up on some of the terms that you used there. So you mentioned “other parent” and “my co-parent” – I'm curious, are those the words that you recommend people use to refer to each other? Using the term 'ex' which is so common in our culture is so negative. That has so many negative connotations attached to it. What are the terms that you recommend or that you find people use that sit well into.. that doesn't feel awkward? Karen: Right. So one of the first things I teach my parents who come into the office is that we're gonna begin a very active process of separating their husband-wife relationship, their spousal relationship, their intimate partnership, from their parenting. And the language that we choose really helps with that separation. You know, what we talk about is ending here is an intimate partnership, a marriage. What's not ending is that two people who became parents seven years ago, six months ago – whenever that occurred – eighteen years ago. And so I wanna help them get clearer and clearer about what are we closing up, what are we ending, what are we grieving? And what are we actually still engaged in? So I do ask my co-parent teams, don't use the term ex. How about, if you wanna identify your former spouse, how about former partner, former spouse? How about, you know sometimes we joke about 'wasbands'. But terms that are, are more endearing and less pejorative. Then some of the other terms, you know, jerk for example. Let's not use “I'm not co-parenting with a jerk”. “I'm co-parenting with my children's mother or father.” I also encourage them to reclaim just terms 'mom' and 'dad'. How many times did children of parents who are divorcing start to hear instead of “Go ask your dad” or “Go ask your mommy”, “Go ask your father” – with a  big 'your' in front of it. As if I've de-zoned that relationship, and that puts you over in a 'that' category; in “another camp”.  “Your father”, “Your mother”. And so parents actually practice that. What is it like to say “OK, when you're at home with dad...” as opposed to “When you are at your father's house...” Notice that it's not just my intonation, but my word choices that are gonna impact children. So, we start to practice. It's awkward, it's new, it's not what people do in the culture. But you know, we're helping parents reframe what their children's experiences which, over time, is much more enriching than feeling like they live in a divided home. Christina: It's amazing what a big change just one word can make. I actually hadn't heard that before and that's really eye-opening. My concept of 'dad' rather than 'your dad'. Even if you say it in a nice tone. Karen: Right. Christina: And so, what is your process for working with clients? Karen: Well, they know how to get to me... most people email and say, you know, 'we made a decision to separate, we'd like to meet with you'. They come in, we spend an introductory session just to make sure that they are clear about my process and that there's a good match – there's still a chemistry. I don't care who you are or how expert you might be. There's still chemistry you need to work with people that you feel comfortable with and feel like I can provide a trusting environment. Then we do many of the things that we've just talked about. You know, they introduce me to their children, they often bring pictures. I begin to lay the groundwork for separating, the intimate partnership from their parenting pair, their parenting team relationship. And depending on their readiness, we actually begin to talk about things like, “So if you're still living in the same home, when do you intend  to make that a two-home family?” “How do you imagine you might share your children?” So this is my language – share your children across two homes. “What are the skills you think you might need to keep their lives integrated and problem solved on their behalf?” That is part of what we'll be working through. I actually use a worksheet, it's available in the Parenting Plan Workbook, where parents talk about with each other the different options and 'why you might choose this one versus that one?', and ''how might we do the holidays in this first year too, but in yours three and beyond?' That might look quite different. So all of these is part of the psycho-education about how families adjust to a change of this magnitude. Christina: Now do you ever come across situations where one parent is interested in working with you and figuring out how to structure a positive co-parenting relationship, but the other spouse doesn't wish to participate? And if so, are you able to work with just one? Or how... do you have ways of trying to get the other parent interested in participating? Karen: Yes, I do. So just recently, I had a co-parent let me know that her co-parent's attorney didn't want her to see me. And so in that case, I ask if there was any chance that both of the attorneys – mom's attorney and dad's attorney –  will get on the phone with me just to talk about... My thought was that dad's attorney was uncertain or just simply didn't know what went on in my office. And so that would be one trick of the trade. The other is I usually can get a parent who wants to work with me to hook their other parent in by saying “Hey, she'll talk to you for free, give her a call, you can email her, here's her website, she'd be happy to give you a copy of her book, if you wanna contact her.” Like there are just things that I'll do to kind of say, Give me a chance. Just give me a minute, you don't have to work with me. Just come once. I mean that's my really big deal. Just come once. I don't need you to ever agree that you're gonna come back or that your'e gonna mediate your parenting plan with me. That's not important. But my experience is if I get them to come in once and find that out that it's actually safe, that's it's really about their kids, about that I really am neutral in terms of... You know I think sometimes dads are still afraid that working with a woman that I'll be biased toward a mom. And the fact is I have a very strong bias and I tell both parents that with these children need both their parents. And that what we know in terms of outcomes is that kids do better physically and emotionally when they have a strong and engaged relationship with both parents. It's not a competition about who's the better parent. Kids just need two good enough parents. That's what kids need. Christina: And parents must see once they go to that first meeting, they must see the immense value just right off the bat. I'm sure most people, once they realize what it's all about they go, “Oh, OK. I can see that this is gonna be really great for my kids going forward.” Karen: You know, there's a huge relief. Sometimes I have to slow down. Your listeners might not know, but I live in the Silicon Valley of the North. You know I live in the backyard of Microsoft and Amazon. And so sometimes my software engineers simply just need to be slowed down. They're all about efficiency and bullet points and box checking, and I sometimes need to spend a little time to say, “You know this is probably the most important contract that you will ever design. And you'll be living with it for, you know, however many years until their children are through college and although the contract expires in high school, at the end of high school, I really support my co-parents to really live inside a parenting plan structure until their kids are into adulthood, for their sake. So they don't fall into feelings of 'How can I meet both of my parents needs now that I'm in college?'. So sometimes it's about slowing dad down or mom down. Efficiency is really important – I know your time is extremely valuable, and just above your kids. And we're gonna find your way through it in the most efficient way possible with no corners cut. Because they deserve that. Most of the time I can get them to settle down. Christina: You've of course written the very popular book in the field, The Co-Parent's Handbook. And I see that you're now writing a new book about dating after divorce. So I'm wondering what advice do you have for parents on that topic? Karen: The new book will be out in the Spring, hopefully, that's the plan. It's called the Step-Family Handbook, and it's everything from first dates, as co-parents, to creating a step-family. And it's very, very important; a data point that most parents don't know is that the adjustment to step-family for children is actually more difficult than the divorce. And so as much as parents worry about their children during the divorce process, I really want them to understand that the transition to step-family is also an enormous, enormous adjustment. And although we, as parents, are often just so thrilled, so happy, so relieved, to be in love again, to have found a partner that's gonna walk forward with us – that's not necessarily our children's experience. And so recognizing the fears and trepidations that kids have really help guide how we introduce a new adult into their lives right from the beginning. So, that's what the new book will be about is that walk in that journey and how it skillfully pace, allowing children to recognize that we're now dating, that... what dating means, who this person is, how to build a relationship with the new adult who's not a parent? And who may be around our household in a parent-like capacity? Those are all skills and as a parent and a potentially soon-to-be-stepparent, learning that architecture and how it works is really important. Christina: Well thank you, Karen so much for sharing your wisdom with us today. What would be the best ways for our listeners to get in touch with you? Karen: The best way is by email. Just go to the website, which is coachmediatecounsult.com. There's a, you know, way to email me directly to my email address or through the website itself. Of course my phone number, I'm here in the States. People are welcome to call as well, email is a little easier. And you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter, and you know, Pinterest. So there's lots and lots of ways and I invite people to connect in any way that makes sense for them. Christina: OK, perfect! Well, Karen, thank you again for today and for all the really important work that you're doing for families. Karen: You're welcome. Thanks so much, Christina, for having me. It's really been my pleasure.

Welcome to episode 314 of Hit the Mic with The Stacey Harris. I'm really excited today because I'm going to empower you to really look at your Facebook page objectively. I'm going to walk you through the three things that I really want you to be doing whenever you assess what's happening with your profile on Facebook and by profile I should say page because remember we're using our Facebook pages for marketing and not our Facebook profile. Basically I'm going to teach you to DIY a Facebook page review. I love, love, love talking about reviews. We actually do them once a month inside of Hit the Mic Backstage. Every month we do profile reviews so members leave me a link and we review absolutely any profile. Basically, what I'm going to do is I'm going to walk you through the steps I take and the three major things I look for. There's definitely other things I look for but these are the three biggest missteps I see people making and so I want you to DIY yourself an objective look at your page. Okay? I want you to look at this and look at this from the perspective of somebody else's view, how it would look to a potential customer, how it would look to a potential client, a new lead, somebody who doesn't know who you are, doesn't know what you do and has just found your page or maybe they just got to your page from your website but they are not super clear on who you are. Ready to jump in? DIY Facebook page review.   All right, up first we're going to start right at the top of the page with your graphic. With the new Facebook page layout rolled out over the course of the summer, I say over the course of the summer because seriously they trickled out to people but pretty sure everybody has it now. With the new review, you see we have a larger unobstructed cover image. We've got our profile photo which is also a little bit larger to the left and then we have a massive call to action button. I want you to look at these three pieces first and foremost because here's the real talk, that's the first thing anybody sees. It's a huge, huge opportunity for you to connect with your audience, for you to connect with the people who are landing on this page. Make sure that that image is an image that tells me who you are as in an image of you if you're a personal brand. If you're not, a very clear logo or a team photo something like that. The thing to consider though is the bulk of the time that I see this image is going to be after I hit the like button and when you share status update or when I see an ad from your page. Make sure that as good as this image looks in this, air quote, "full size," make sure it also looks good in the smaller size which you can get really clearly in looking at that status box just under the like button where you would post the status. That gives you a better idea of what it's going to look like in the feed. It looks good both ways. It's eye catching both ways but make sure again it's you, okay? Especially for those personal brands. Most of you listening to the show are freelancers and coaches and any infopreneur space or providing services and when I buy something from you or I hire you for something, it really is about you so don't hide. Use that photo space to connect, okay? Also with that photo, make sure that when I click on that photo, the description isn't blank. Point me somewhere. Learn more about theStaceyHarris.com/about, that's what mine says because I want to use every opportunity to drive them away from Facebook and to my website because Facebook is distracting. My website is fairly focused on what I want you to do. Make sure that you're taking every inch of real estate that you get to point them some place, to get them to do something. The same is true with that cover photo. Again, we have a large, unobstructed cover photo. I'll actually put the sizes in the show notes of the episode down the resources section so you can actually create these. Canva is a great way to do it. If you have Photoshop and the expertise to use Photoshop, use Photoshop. I often create quick ones in Canva. In fact I just recently created one for the new free podcasting training that I'm offering. That's the cover photo now and guess what? I made that cover photo in Canva. If you look at the show notes page for this episode and you look down at the opt in at the bottom Facebook ads, I created that in Canva. Don't think you have to hire a designer. If you do not have the wherewithal to do that or the connections to do that, don't let that be a barrier to prevent you from creating something or really using that space to drive something somewhere to drive traffic to taking a specific action. Use that space. You can absolutely create something simple in Canva. You can actually create something really gorgeous in Canva or yes, hire a designer it that's what you want to do. Use the space. Okay? Use it. Then, make sure that that cover image ties in with that call to action button so for example, as I mentioned, the free podcast training is what's in the cover image on my page right now. When you hit that sign up button it takes you right to the actual lead page that you sign up for that training in. See how clever that is? It really is about making it a no brainer for people but also the description for that cover image also includes a link to that same lead page. If someone clicks on the cover image, I'm still able to point them to where I want them to go. I'm still able to get them to take the action that I want them to take. It's not about over-complicating this. It's not about making this more difficult than it needs to be. It's about keeping it really simple and really clear. Here's a free podcast training. Sign up. It's that simple. You can do this with an opt in before I had the podcast training up there I had just a straight up promo for Backstage. It said, Hit the Mic Backstage and then there's a little [blog 00:07:05] about what it is and the cost and then there was that sign up button. Again, super, super simple but tie it together. This is such a common misstep so really use these three pieces in conjunction. Really use these three pieces to be a really strong initial touch point for you and the person looking at your page whether a lead or a potential client ... A lot of you are speakers. A lot of you are building JV partners, an affiliate income. When people look at whether they want to hire you to speak, when people look at whether they want to partner with you, when people look about whether they want to have you on their podcast or have you write a guest post for them, these are the things that we're looking at so make sure you have your house in order and that initial touch point is so important because not a lot of people are going to scroll real far. Some people may literally only engage with that image that's in your profile, that image that's in your cover and maybe your like information or that first post or two that you have on your page. Maybe sure you're using this real estate. Okay? Number two. Don't forget your about information. Again, especially when people are looking at hiring you or they are looking at hiring you to speak or they are looking to purchase something from you, they are digging into who you are. Maybe you've wet their beak and they are excited and they want to know all the things, they might actually venture into your about area. Make sure that it's updated. We actually did a profile review several months ago now in Hit the Mic Backstage and I was talking about the about area for somebody and I went and showed them my about area as an example because they hadn't filled theirs out at all. I realized and I probably shouldn't tell the story but I'm going to. Mine was horribly outdated, horribly outdated. I referenced programs that didn't exist anymore. I didn't have any mention of Backstage which is a huge part of my business. I had to go through and update it. Make sure you do that especially when you're DIYing your Facebook page review. This is a good time to clean the house so make sure the phone numbers are updated, the address is updated if you have a physical space or a mailing address. Make sure that your descriptions are current, your links are current. Make sure all of that stuff is there and easy to consume for your clients or potential clients and all of that. Edit that page info, check out that about area make sure it's up to date. Yes, this is a mistake I'm totally teaching you guys out of experience. I was so embarrassed in doing this for review but you know, I'm all about transparency guys. That's what happened. Also, make sure that you have regular times to go check in with this stuff. Make sure that you go in and update this information whenever there's a change. Recently we moved from Arizona to California and so I need to update the address because our mailing address is different now because we have a California mailing address now. My phone number stayed the same but my address has changed so I need to update that there. Make sure that you do that stuff. All right, we started with our cover images and profile images then we talked about our about area. The third thing I want you to evaluate is your actual content. The best way to do this is not to scroll through your post and look at that reach number. That is not the best way. What I want you to do is I want you to actually go into your insights. I want you to actually go in and look at your reach and your page views and your likes and how people are engaging with your videos and your post and the action people are taking on your page. The people who like your page, are they your target demographic? Because if they are not, then you've got a whole bigger problem you need to deal with. It's not going to matter how good a page is, how engaging your post are if you're talking to the wrong audience, jump into your insights and actually look at these things because no profile review is complete without looking at the analytics. This is something that we don't get to do when we do our profile reviews in Backstage and that's why we have a how to use your insights training inside of Backstage because you have to look at these numbers. You have to see how your content is actually doing and that reach number or how many likes it got is not always an indicator of how your content is actually doing. Make sure, make sure without any doubts you're looking at these insights regularly and really digging deep into them whenever you're doing a profile review, whenever you're breaking down your page and its ROI and how it's performing and how it's delivering as far as part of your marketing strategy. Okay? The things I really want you to pay attention to is I really want you to pay attention to the people and making sure that you're talking to the right people. Don't only look at who your fans are made up of but also look at that people reached and people engaged because often just because your fans are totally on track you'll find that the people reached are slightly off track. The best example of this that I've got is I had a client who booked a one on one call with me and she didn't really understand her insights. We dug into her insights together and what was really interesting is in looking through her insights she was telling me this is who our target market is and I don't feel like this section of them are really on Facebook. I think they are out of the age range. When we looked at it in fact, not only were they a huge section of the people who like the page, they were the most engaged of the audience and the most commonly reached but they had kept writing content that was to a demographic that was a little bit younger because they were so convinced that they weren't able to reach this older age group on Facebook. When in reality, that's exactly who their Facebook audience was. Knowing who this is, knowing who's engaging with your page, who's actually seeing the content from your page, who actually likes your page, it's going to be hugely informative in how you write your copy, the kinds of call to action you create and how you use it. Because oftentimes you'll find that you'll reach two sections of your audience but you don't reach them in the same places. You reach them in different networks or you reach them with different copy. Pay attention to that. The other thing I want you to look at is I actually want you to look at your content so actually look at your post not only will it tell you when your fans are online and the post types that are doing well but you will actually see all your post published down below and you can look at the type of post it was. If you did any targeting with it, the reach of it, the engagement. What I think is interesting here is play with some of that targeting, customize your audience especially if you're one of those groups that's again talking to two different maybe age groups with the same page. Maybe look at, "Hey, this isn't going to speak to that group so let's target to this smaller demographic and then we'll have another post that we target to this other smaller demographic instead of one post that tries to speak to all the people." Then you can go look at these numbers and you can see what performed well, what connected with people. You can see what types of content or posting from the perspective of a link or video or a photo. You can see the topics that are really connecting so use this information to really, really look at, "Hey, this is what's actually happening." Not just the reach, not just, "Oh, this is how many people Facebook tells me this post actually gotten in front of." No, look at how they are engaging with it. Look at all of the information. You can actually click on the post and you'll get even more information like the likes, the likes that happen on the post versus shares, comments, comments on the post versus comments on shares, shares on the post versus shares from other shares. You can also look at clicks. You can actually see if people are clicking the links because often they won't comment or like a post but they will click on the link and in a lot of cases that's the goal. You may think, "This didn't performed really well. It got a big reach but no one is engaging with it but everyone clicked the link," not everyone necessarily but a lot of people clicked the link so it did performed well. Okay? This is why digging into the insights is so important because that's not information you're going to get from just looking at the front of your profile and saying, "Oh it reached 2,000 people, fantastic." Okay? All right. That's it, that's really what I wanted to pay attention to. The front end, make sure that top of your real estate those graphics are on point. Make sure you keep your about area updated and make sure you are regularly digging into your insights. If you have more questions or you want my eyes on your profile, be sure to join us Backstage. This is the exact kind of stuff that I built that community to do. We do have an entire training on how to use Facebook insights which is hugely popular and not used by enough of you so come check it out. All right, hitthemicbackstage.com to see how you can join us inside of the community and check out the brand new ... It's not so brand new anymore I guess but I'm still really excited about it, the really cool private community right inside of our site. Okay. I'll see you on Friday.

Welcome to episode 298 of Hit the Mic with The Stacey Harris. Hello, hello, 298, here we are, and we're going to talk a little bit about if you're actually marketing on social media or if maybe you're just spending a lot of time on social media which, as a heads up, not the same thing. I want to dive in on this because I've been having a lot of conversations with people through consulting calls and networking things and this has been coming up for probably the last 6 or 8 months, where people will tell me that they're spending a lot of time on social and they're just not seeing results. They spend hours everyday in Facebook groups and on Twitter and on Facebook, or the really common one right now is Facebook and LinkedIn. "I was spending tonnes of time on LinkedIn, but I'm just not seeing results." I asked them some questions. I say, "Well, what groups are you spending time in? What kind of content are you posting? What your analytics telling you about the content? How's it be reacted to? How's it being engaged with? How's it being seen? What networks are driving traffic back to your site?" They go, "Well, I can't think of any specific groups," or, "I'm in this group, and this group and this group, but I don't actually post that much in those ones." They can't tell me what information they're getting from their analytics because they're not getting any information from their analytics because they're not posting content consistently and if they are posting even irregularly, they're not checking their numbers. They can't tell me anything they're actually doing on LinkedIn, any people they're engaging with or connecting with, the kind of connections and conversations they're trying to have, and that tells me that they're not actually using these tools to market. What's happening is they're lurking. They're reading a lot of posts, they're scrolling a lot, and scrolling is the enemy because what happens is it's like winding a clock. You're just moving time. You're not actually doing anything productive, and that's why I want you to do a few things differently with your social media time, and that's what we're going to break down today, and these are hints that I've given you guys some of them before. We're going to look at them a little differently today, but when you do these things, it gives you a clear course of action to follow.   It's all going to start with doing things like building a social media strategy, knowing where you're spending time, and then where within that channel you're spending time, what kind of content you're posting, who you're talking to. All of that's going to come from your social media strategy and I definitely encourage you to take a step back and build one of those if you haven't yet, but I want to talk more today about the tactile, spending your time on social, tracking it, using it wisely, and really making it work for you because, and I know you've heard me say this before, there is absolutely 1 finite resource for me. I cannot produce more time. I can make more money, I can meet new people, I can get new clients, I can find new people to support me, I can expand my team, I can outsource new things to contractors and automate things. I cannot actually produce more hours in my day. I can't even produce more seconds in my day, so I am ridiculously conscientious about how I spend my time. When I feel like I am wasting time, that will drive me crazy faster than anything else because I only get so much in the day, especially when you're somebody who like me, is very intentional about not working all of the time, who is very specific about what hours I want to work and when I don't want to be working, because I don't want to go down that rabbit hole that I was early in my business, working crazy, obscene long days, and I realized in going through that, the reason I was doing that sometimes was because I was not using the time throughout the day very wisely. That's why I'm so specific about how I spend my time and there are definitely times where I'm better at this than others, which is the other part of the reason I'm sharing this episode today. If you're somebody who's hearing me say these things and they're like, "Absolutely. I'm so protective of my time. I'm not wasting time anywhere," yet you can think about to the last couple of weeks or the last couple of months, I know this is true for me, where you're like, "Oh, I probably could have been more productive then. I probably could have been more productive today. I could probably be more productive right now," then keep listening, because here's the deal. This is one of those muscles that we have to keep exercising. I just recently in the last couple weeks, started looking at a new way to track what I'm doing everyday and tracking my time and my tasks, and I went back to looking at my default calendar and when I did things, because I needed to tighten this up again. Hang with me through these things that we're going to talk about today because they're absolutely going to change how you spend your time on social. Okay? Number 1, what exactly is in your social media foundation? Knowing what needs to be in that foundation, and taking a step back in case you haven't heard me talking about social media foundations before, social media foundations are the things that have to go out. Your content, your promo, your upcoming events, your webinars, your opt-ins, your curated content from other sources. It's just stuff that has to go out every single week, and if you don't know what's in that list, it's going to get really hard for you to batch task that because you're going to be all over the place. You're going to be pulling things from here, pulling things from there, doing a little of this, doing a little of that. The very thing I want you to do is get really clear on what goes in your social media foundation because that is going to be the first thing we're actually going to put on our calendar and schedule time for. Sit down and think about how your foundation is created. For example, we have 2 episodes of this show that go out every single week. Right now, it's Tuesdays and Fridays. It's been that for a while, most of the last 298 episodes. I know that every week those 2 episodes need to go out, so I make sure that those get scheduled. Now, in full disclosure, I don't do that. Charles, who is my right hand here at The Stacey Harris, he does that. Maybe you have a VA doing it, maybe you have an admin in your office that does it, maybe you have your high school kid do it, I don't know. Maybe you do it, however it gets done. You have to know that that content's going out, and when it's going out. For example, I know that that goes out once the day of the episode goes live on Facebook, I know it goes out on Google Plus and LinkedIn, I also know it goes out everyday for 7 days for a new episode on Twitter. All that's actually written out in not just my big strategy document, but in a quick sheet social media doc. Anybody who joins the team can see exactly what needs to happen with the foundation. Number 2, we have recycled content, meaning the last 297 episodes before this one, and that is not to mention the 100ish, 75ish maybe episodes we did of "Hit The Mic TV," blog content, guest content I've done on other sites. All of that goes in queues, and we use eClincher so we can actually build queues that recycle the content. That way, they can go out automatically. We don't have to update that every week. That takes a little bit of the time we have to spend putting in that foundation, but we know what frequency that's scheduled for, and again, it's in our quick sheet for the foundation, knowing exactly what needs to go out in that foundation, because those new episodes need to get added to that queue. Next up, I know how much curated content goes to each source, so again, this is in that quick sheet. I do 2 episodes a day for Facebook, or 3 pieces for LinkedIn, or whatever it is in your strategy. Put that into your quick sheet. Then, the last piece is any additional promo. I've got some opt-in promo and backstage promo that goes in, again, a recycled queue using eClincher so that we don't have to fill that up. Then, I've got a couple of pieces that get added in when there's something going on, whether maybe I'm a part of an online summit, or I'm speaking at a conference, or I've got an event going on, or I'm doing a webinar, or we're doing an especially big membership push, or maybe we've got SocialPro launching, whatever it is, we have space for that in the foundation, and again, all of this is in a quick sheet, so I want you to take a step back and realize exactly what needs to go in your social media foundation, and then you're going to do part 2 of this first one, which is schedule that. I suggest starting with 2 hours a week. If you want to put in a little elbow room, do 3 hours. As you get more comfortable doing it, you will get faster, but you need to make sure this is actually on your calendar. Marie Forleo says this and I really, really love it. If it's not on your calendar, it's not real. If it's not scheduled, it's not real. For me, that's ridiculously true because there's always going to be something else that's coming to grab your attention. There's always going to be something else that's going, "Oh, I'm an emergency. Come pay attention to me," and rarely are these things actually emergencies, but they are shiny objects, they are attention pullers. As my friend, Brandy Lawson over at TekGrl.com says, it's a squirrel moment. "Squirrel!," and it'll pull you away. However, if you come back to your calendar and you know that Monday from 3 to 5, this is what you do, then awesome. Monday, from 3 to 5, this is what you do. It will become habit. Figure out what that time is, put it on your calendar, and treat it like a client. Give it the same priority, the same importance, the same intentionality that you would give your client work, because if you don't do that, if you skip over this, you will not have client work at the same maybe consistency as you currently do, or maybe you're already struggling with that consistency and you'd like to see that consistency happen. Continually, consistent marketing, quality marketing, that gets you there. This is a key part of it. It's a huge component to that. So, outline exactly what's in that social media foundation, build a quick sheet that outlines it, and then schedule it, and then actually doing it, because FYI, listening to this episode, not going to change anything. Only if you go take action on what I'm talking about on this episode will you see change. Part 2, networking on social. The stuff that's got to happen day in, day out. Figure out those 2 primary networks I've talked about in the past. Again, this is going to go back to that strategy you've already built. They get time on your calendar every single day. 15 minute chunks of time. Not an hour, not 2 hours, 15 minute chunks of time. Depending on what network it is, depending on what your needs are, what your level of involvement is, how many is gig to be up to you. I do 4 to 6 per day, so an hour to an hour and a 1/2 on social. These, again, go on the calendar. You're going to schedule these again because if it's not on the calendar, it's not real. Actually schedule these in on your calendar. Again, 15 minute chunks of time. I am not asking you to take an hour out of the middle of your day. I'm asking for 15 minutes here, and 15 minutes there, and you're going to assign these things specific tasks, so maybe it's respond to people on Twitter, maybe it's send LinkedIn invitations, maybe it's respond to LinkedIn invitations, maybe it's engage in a LinkedIn group, maybe it's answer questions in a specific Facebook group, and then you're gig to go in and do those things. Now, the tasks you assign, I don't want it to be "Check Twitter." I don't want it to be, "Look at Facebook groups," because that's going to lead to scrolling. I want something specific and actionable. "Post question in 'Hit The Mic Backstage.' Post question in my private community," whatever your Facebook group is. "Answer questions, respond to 5 posts in XYZ group." Knowing exactly how you're spending that 15 minutes. Give that 15 minutes a goal, because now you're going to go from scrolling and looking for something to do on social to knowing exactly where you're going and exactly what you're executing on. When you know exactly what you're doing and exactly what you're executing on, it's really easy when you're done to see whether that was done or not. When you say, "Oh, I've got 15 minutes of Facebook time," there's nothing to say, "Okay, this is what I did with this time, and now I can measure these results." There's no way to check in on that. When you say, "I'm going to answer 5 questions in my Facebook group, my free Facebook group that I have," it's really, really easy to go, "Yep, I answered 5 questions. Here's the resulting conversations, here's what happened with those 5 interactions. Here's how those relationships moved forward." There is a clarity that comes from that specific task, that comes from knowing exactly what it is you're executing on, okay? That's what I want you to do. I really, really challenge you to take action on this episode. Right now, stop what you're doing, unless it's driving. Stop what you're doing, and actually say, "This is when I'm going to execute on building my 1 sheet, scheduling my social time, scheduling my daily social interaction time, and then do that. Then, let me know, okay? Here's some accountability. I want you to reach out to me. Tell me that you've done this. Tell me that you're going to do this. I will check, okay? Let me know. Go over to the Facebook page, or Twitter. I You'll really find me anywhere at TheStaceyHarris, okay? Check in because I want to see action on this episode. This one is one of those ones that's newly a good episode if you guys do stuff with it, all right? Speaking of good episodes, next Tuesday, the big 300. I'm excited, I won't lie. I'm going to do a live show. We're going to talk about podcasting lessons, we're going to talk about what's going on in social right now, we're going to talk about all sorts of cool stuff. If you want to find out when and get an email reminder, and have the first crack at some prizes that we're going to be giving away, yes prizes, prizes, free stuff, come hang out. Go on over to TheStaceyHarris.com/episode300 and you will find a link to submit your email address and let me know that you want a reminder. I will send you a reminder and say, "Hey, we're going to be live. Come join us." Then, we'll be live on that same page next Tuesday, September 20th, at 9am Pacific Time, which makes it 12 Eastern. I had to do the math in my head real quick. Join us. It's going to be a really good time. 300 episodes, just about 3 years. I think technically October or November is 3 years of this show, but 300 episodes, that's nuts. I will see you there. Join me live. Thanks for listening. I will see you on Friday. Resources Join us inside Hit the Mic Backstage Sit down 1 on 1 with The Stacey Harris Episode 300 Invite Connect with Me Connect with me on Facebook Tweet with me and include #HittheMic Be sure to leave your review on iTunes or Stitcher for a shoutout on a future show