Don't Watch List

Happy (sad?) Claire-Has-Covid-Day!  Ever wanted a show about queer pirates that feels like it should be a television musical but somehow isn't? Well Claire's got just the recommendation for you this week! They're reviewing Our Flag Means Death, a period romance that is.... loosely based on the golden age of piracy - following the reinvented lives of Stede Bonnet and Captain Black Beard. Before we go: Claire: Two newly released albums (which is a little bit cheating, but we'll allow it) Harry's House by Harry Styles and Dance Fever by Florence and the Machine. Listening comes with a 100% Sobbing Guarantee. Elyse: Moulin Rouge, a jukebox musical that also happens to be the most romantic movie of all time. If you like Mamma Mia, but a little bit darker, and more focused on romance, and 79% more likely to make you cry, then this movie is for you. Warning: This episode contains plot spoilers for the television series Our Flag Means Death. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy (Belated) Cinco de Mayo! Continuing on with the Reality TV trend, Elyse chose to review the "social experiment" sensation Love is Blind. Hosted by the possibly the most annoying people on the planet, this show seeks to find out if "Love truly is blind." Spoiler alert- it's super not. C'mon folks, it's reality TV. These people are, like, the worst. Love is gonna be as shallow as a puddle in the desert. Tune in to find out why this series is start-to-finish built for drama! Seasons one and two of Love is Blind are currently streaming on Netflix. Before we go: Claire: We Read It One Night, a podcast hosted by sisters, Alison and Rachel as they give recaps of romance novels and movies. If you like our vibe (which like, why are you bothering to read this if you don't?), then you'll definitely like theirs. Check it out wherever you usually get your podcasts. So I guess wherever you're reading this description from. Elyse: Bad Vegan, a Netflix documentary that follows vegan restaurant owner and Clean Eating influencer Sarma Melngailis as she slowly gets conned into bankrupting her business. One thing you should know going in? She didn't eat the pizza. Warning: This episode contains minor spoilers for the reality television series Love is Blind. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Little Treat Day!  Get yourself a little treat (or a big treat, who are we to stop you) and settle in to this week's episode, where Claire reviews our first reality TV show of the podcast - Survivor. Hosted by Certified "Chef Kiss of a Man" Jeff Probst, this reality TV show follows the trials and tribulations of a set of contestants who compete against each other over the course of 39 days to become the Sole Survivor. When you pit 20 hungry and exhausted castaways against each other for over a month, sometimes reality really can be trashier than fiction. Good luck figuring out where this show is streaming - you'll get two random seasons on Netflix, four on Hulu, a handful on Amazon Prime. It's like a fun, shitty little scavenger hunt. P.S. Claire and Jordan's Correct Survivor Season Watch Order - 13, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 25, 26, 27, 28. After watching those, contact the show (at dontwatchlist@gmail.com) for the continuation of the list. P.P.S. Don't eat Buffalo Wing Cheez-Its. If Claire hadn't edited out that section you'd know exactly why, but suffice to say, you've been warned. Before we go:  Claire: The Hulu movie Fresh, which is a new take on dating in the modern age!  ....or is it? It definitely doesn't have to do with cannibalism and meat-selling. Definitely no selling of any meats. Minimal meat-selling, and minor amounts of cannibalism. Don't worry about it! :) Elyse: Taylor Tomlinson's Netflix comedy special Look At You. A Zillennial's take on the trials of life in your 20s - Therapy, mental health, long dead parents. Classic Zillennial hehe xD rawr. Warning: This episode contains minor spoilers for the reality television series Survivor.  Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Discussing-Niche-Topics Day! This week, Elyse and Claire again fail to make their episode shorter than one hour. Baby steps, listener. Baby, virtually non-existent steps. Elyse leads this episode with one of the most popular shows on Netflix right now - Bridgerton. A cross between Pride & Prejudice and Gossip Girl, this show really has it all. Drama, scandal, gossip, romance, balls, and most importantly, HANDS. A fun revamped version of the period romance, this indisputably trashy TV show set in the Regency area really has something for everyone. Before we go: Claire: Lovely War, a novel by Julie Berry. Lovely War is a spiral narrative, with the outer narrative following Aphrodite defending her infidelity with fellow god Ares to her husband Hephaestus. In order to do so, she tells the story of four lovers during World War I - and through these stories show how love and war are inevitably drawn to each other. Elyse: The Tinder Swindler, a Netflix documentary about a romance Ponzi scheme. A con artist scams women through connecting with them on Tinder, and subsequently uses the money he gains from them to pursue the next victim of his scheme. Be sure to watch the whole documentary to see the satisfying petty vengeance one woman pulls on this conman. Warning: This episode contains plot spoilers for the television series Bridgerton. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy New Episode Format! This week, Elyse and Claire spice things up by changing Don't Watch List's episode format (in the hopes of making each episode a bit shorter, which Listener, you'll see has questionable results). Claire and Elyse from now on will switch off who recommends - or doesn't recommend - each biweekly show. Claire boldly takes on the first episode using this new configuration, and dives into the Netflix sensation Inventing Anna. A dramatized retelling of real events, Inventing Anna follows the story of a Russian-born con artist who goes by the name of Anna Delvey as she fronts her way through the ranks of New York's elite, all towards the end of fulfilling her dream of creating what she calls the Anna Delvey Foundation. A fascinating show through and through, both of our hosts highly recommend giving it a watch. Before we go: Claire: The Night Circus, by Erin Morgenstern. The Night Circus is a fantasy novel from 2011 that follows a mysterious competition (with secret rules) being held between the protagonists of this novel. If you're looking for something with delicious caramel apple description, give this book a read. Elyse: Bunny, by Mona Awad. Bunny is a thrilling psychological horror novel that you'll assuredly be thinking about for weeks after reading. It'll have you wondering what's real, what's not, and have you desperately begging all your friends to go read it so you'll have someone to talk to about it. Warning: This episode contains plot spoilers for the television series Inventing Anna. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Belated National Margarita Day!  Which is the best hobby - gaslighting a margarita, gatekeeping Patrick Swayze movies, or lying for fun? Follow-up question - what does that have to do with trash TV? The answer to both is the same: wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy. This week, Elyse analyzes the complex nature of reboots through the new iteration of How I Met Your Mother, which fittingly is called How I Met Your Father. What makes a good reboot? Is there such thing as a good reboot? Think on it for yourself, because we're sure not going to get into all that mess. Coming out weekly with new episodes, you can find the first few episodes of How I Met Your Father currently streaming on Hulu. Claire, on the other hand, introduces Murderville - an episodic murder mystery improv comedy show. This show has a unique concept, as every week a new guest star improvises their way through the show, giving each episode a different flair. A very interesting show who's analysis gets briefly derailed by a conversation about why Elyse is so damn suspicious all the time. Check it out now on Netflix. Before we go:  Claire: Howl's Moving Castle, the Studio Ghibli animated movie. Claire was absolutely enamored by the soupy animation and beautiful soundtrack, and highly recommends checking out this classic movie if you haven't already. Elyse: The Enigma of Amigara Fault by Junji Ito. This is a short horror manga that is sure to stick with you for far longer than you realize.  PSA: Starting next episode, we will have a new format! So enjoy the long episodes you have, because from now on you're getting mere hour-long episodes or less. Probably. Warning: This episode contains plot spoilers for the television series "How I Met Your Father" and "Murderville".  Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy I-Can't-Believe-They-Didn't-Montage Day! (and Valentine's Day, or whatever.) Today, in honor of the day of love, Elyse and Claire bring you a special little treat - the third installment of quite possibly the worst trashy movie series of all time: After We Fell. Why did they choose the third movie instead of, say, the first? Don't ask stupid questions, listener. Since this is a break from their usual trend of TV reviews, Elyse and Claire kick off by explaining the difference between the classic elements of trashy movies, and how they differ from those of trashy TV shows (after about 20 minutes of lying in various ways for fun and attention). They provide a rapid-fire summary of the first two movies in the franchise to provide important context for the nonsensical non-plot that follows in After We Fell, and then dive into their favorite and least favorite parts of the movie. Stick around for the whole episode to catch a surprise secret segment included at the end ;). Before we go: Claire: The Phantom Prince, a memoir by Elizabeth Kendall detailing the complicated account of her relationship with the infamous serial killer, Ted Bundy. The particular edition Claire recommends is the version including an afterward from Elizabeth's daughter, who grew up with Bundy as a father figure during the course of Elizabeth's six-year relationship with him. Elyse: Elyse refuses to give this anti-Before We Go the dignity of being linked to here. Warning: This episode contains "stuff that happens" spoilers for the movie series After. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Elyse-writes-the-description-late day! Guess who's 23 and bad at Wordle? You'll have to listen to find out. You'll also have to listen to hear about the two shows chosen for this week - Claire brings us The Bold Type, and Elyse pulls in UnREAL. The Bold Type is, according to Claire, a "genuinely terrible show." Despite this, they highly recommend. The show itself centers around women working in magazine publication and has some problems with plot continuity, in the most entertaining way. Our second show this week, UnREAL, is a drama that satirizes the world of reality TV - pointing a magnifying glass to the ugly side of trashy television. Before we go: Claire: Don't Look Up, a movie which serves as a thinly-veiled metaphor for climate change and is filled to the brim with big names and memeable potential (usually in the form of Timothee Chama--Chala...Ch... That guy.) The only question we're left asking at the end is... why did he make them pay for the snacks?? Elyse: Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusions by Jia Tolentino. A series of personal essays ranging from feminism, to the evolution of internet culture, to starring in reality TV (topical!).  Warning: This episode contains plot spoilers for the television series The Bold Type and UnREAL. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy "The CW has not been profitable since 2006" Day! A very very warm anti-Gyllenhaal welcome to our first guest episode of the podcast - Claire and Elyse's dear friend Mimi! Mimi is yet another connoisseur of trash TV, and in this episode she reveals the intricacies of the long-running non-profitable hit CW TV show, Supernatural. One of the three fabled major Tumblr fandoms, this show is full to the brim with trash - and Mimi certainly delivers on the dirty details explaining why. Definitely not an episode to be missed! (Partly because the plot of this show has a gun. Allegedly.) If you wish to follow along with Mimi's expertly curated analysis, feel free to find her slide deck for this episode here: https://cdn.fbsbx.com/v/t59.2708-21/269747683_284585396990009_5101723175211441471_n.pptx/Supernatural-a-side-eyed-glance-back-at-the-thing-that-will-not-leave.pptx?_nc_cat=104&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=0cab14&_nc_ohc=QowV6Q5vEL0AX_XzD5f&_nc_ht=cdn.fbsbx.com&oh=03_AVJmRURcvto6uBRApVbRIYb8jw_u1_nR3mrQLGB9jnD44A&oe=61E9F180&dl=1  Before we go: Claire: How the One-Armed Sister Sweeps Her House, a compelling novel by Cherie Jones. This "plotless" story follows the tragic aftermath of a robbery gone wrong, diving deep into each character's life and their interconnectedness while trying to move forward past the trauma. Elyse: The Guest List, a murder mystery novel by Lucy Foley. Want a quick, wild murder mystery set at a wedding on a stormy remote island in Ireland? Give this a read! Mimi: 1) Ranking of Kings, a fantasy adventure anime centered around a sweet young prince looking to prove his merit to the throne, written by Sōsuke Tōka. 2) Succession, a dramedy TV series that satirizes the uber-rich elite by following a dysfunctional dynasty of a family. Watch now on HBO Max. Warning: This episode contains major plot spoilers for the television series Supernatural. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Honda Days, listeners! Grab a cozy little beverage, your newest treat from your advent calendar, and take a seat by the fireplace (if you don't have a real one, computer generated is fine) while you listen to Claire and Elyse jostle about some words in today's episode. First off, Elyse shares her second favorite TV show centered around crime and con-artistry - Imposters. If you like Six of Crows, White Collar, or the Oceans movies, you're guaranteed to love this series, which is currently streaming on Netflix. Next up, Claire tackles a classic comfort trash TV show - Gilmore Girls. This show watches like a love letter to small towns: it covers the gossip, the drama, the characters, and of course, the romances that can only unfold the way they do in a town the size of a hamster. Gilmore Girls is conveniently also currently streaming on Netflix, so you can watch both of these shows at once! At the same time. Simultaneously. Ask a friend to borrow a laptop and really dial in this holiday season. PSA: We will be skipping next episode in order to take time off for the holidays. However, we'll return with a bang on January 20th, 2022, inviting our lovely friend Mimi on to review a trashy TV show near and dear to her heart. Before we go: Claire: The 502s, a country-folk-rock-swing-indie combo vibe band (or more concisely, an Americana-genre band). If you're interested in this type of music, Claire also put together a new playlist dedicated to this particular genre called Crunchy Bonfire - a playlist dedicated to the vibe of standing around a bonfire while wearing a flannel and a beanie, drinking an IPA. Listen to their expertly created playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ZjWuwKCT2IRtvDWoFtYCg?si=f53f1b02822c412a. Elyse: Flowers! Go to the grocery store, find the cheapest flowers you can, put the ones you think look pretty together in a vase and voila! A bright and happy living space for the final dark days of the season ahead. Not to mention, they make excellent decoration if you happen to have family and friends over for the holidays. Warning: This episode contains plot spoilers for the television series Imposters and Gilmore Girls. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy season of the 'Nog! I'm going to be real with you, listener. You can just skip 02:41-04:40. Just skip on over it. Please. Claire kicks us off today! Make it or Break it - a fantastic mess that happens when you combine high-stakes athletics with the daily struggles of teenage life (your typical she-slept-with-her-best-friend's-boyfriends, pregnancies, poisonings. Y'know. Teenage stuff.). Elyse picks up after that with one of her favorite comfort shows - a happy-go-lucky medieval musical comedy, Galavant. Unfortunately, this show isn't currently available to stream on any platform, but if you're interested, we encourage you to watch it through your very completely *cough* legal and government-sanctioned *cough* websites you usually use to obtain TV shows and movies. Before we go: Claire: A Boston-based holiday market - the SoWa Winter Festival. This winter festival features fresh holiday cocktails (spiked cocoa and mulled wine, among others), and sells products from local artists and vendors based all around New England. Check it out if you happen to be in the area! The SoWa Winter Festival is open both weekdays and weekends until December 12th. Don't forget to buy tickets beforehand if you want to go! More information found here: https://www.sowaboston.com/sowa-winter-festival. Elyse: A video game called Inscryption. The less you know about this game the better - at its essence, it's a combination of a deck-builder, puzzle game, and an escape-the-room game, all wrapped up in a creepy, spooky, horror-like package. Currently only available on PC. Warning: This episode contains plot spoilers for the television series Make it or Break it and Galavant. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Gobble gobble, listeners. Happy Turkey Day! This week, your favorite hosts are doing what they do best - leaning into a theme as hard as possible, potentially to a fault. This episode is jam-packed with new Thanksgiving content: grammar lessons, mulled wine, and a brand new episode format. Claire and Elyse are breaking out of the good, bad, and trashy, and are instead ranking the Gossip Girl Thanksgiving specials from worst to best based on... uh... let's see... *shuffles papers around* um. Vibes. It's based on vibes. Apparently. Tune in to find out Claire and Elyse's official, fair, and completely unbiased ranking of these specials. Before we go: Elyse: Red (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift. A callback to to Claire's intro from a previous episode, which was teasing the Red release. Elyse recommends that you start with either "The Lucky One (Taylor's Version)" or "I Bet You Think About Me (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)". The former is a new take on an old classic, while the latter is a completely new release paired with a music video directed by the lovely Blake Lively (star of Gossip Girl, among other things). Streaming on Spotify or wherever you listen to your music. Claire: Age of Adeline, a movie starring Blake Lively (the director of the "I Bet You Think About Me (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)" music video, among other things). This movie, telling the tale of a love that can never last, will assuredly melt your heart as the days begin to chill. Currently available to stream on Hulu. Trigger Warning: Gaslighting and eating disorder mention. Spoiler Warning: This episode contains major plot spoilers for the television series Gossip Girl. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy new holiday drink menu at Starbucks day! Let's talk trash! And babies. And Timothée Chalamet for some reason? While also peppering in a quick argument about whether or not ghosts can smell or taste. We have a lot of ground to cover in this episode. Today, Elyse discusses the logistics of baby-napping - I mean the best ways to prevent your baby from being baby-napped - in her prelude to her chosen show this week, Switched at Birth. As the first mainstream TV show to feature the deaf community in a centered and significant way, this show has a lot of positive things going for it. However, we'll see that it does fail to hit the mark on some important parts of that representation. Claire then takes things away with a show off-the-beaten-path that captured their heart within the first several episodes - Ghosts. This show is about a quirky group of characters, some living, some dead, as they attempt to live together in harmony. Cheeky and fun, Ghosts is a can't-miss for all our fellow trashy TV lovers out there. P.S. Timothée Chalamet starring in Statistics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvWefB4NGGI P.P.S. The names of the characters Claire was struggling to think of were Samantha and Jay :) Before we go: Elyse: The musical 35mm: A Musical Exhibition, by Ryan Scott Oliver and Matthew Murphy. A multimedia production performed anthology-style, where each standalone song is paired with a connected photograph. Elyse recommends checking out the song "The Ballad of Sara Berry" in particular if you're looking for somewhere to start. Watch either on Youtube for the full multimedia experience, or listen to the songs wherever you get your music. Claire: The musical Come from Away by David Hein. This is a beautiful, funny, and heart-wrenching musical based on the true story of a plane that had to land unexpectedly in the small and welcoming town of Gander, Newfoundland during the events of September 11th, 2001. Currently streaming on Apple TV+. Warning: This episode contains minor plot spoilers for the television series Switched at Birth and Ghosts. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Halloween day! In this specially themed episode, Elyse and Claire kick things off by celebrating all things Halloween. They share their favorite parts of the holiday, ranging from bean fondling, to Nightmare Before Christmas discourse, to revealing a brand new Enemies of the Podcast list. They've failed to get haunted for years, so this year they've settled for the next best thing - revisiting their favorite spooky trash TV show, Pretty Little Liars. In an unprecedented twist of events, they tag team the good, the bad, and the trashy of this series. From problematic relationships to heart-melting romances, the Marvel Conundrum to Claire's #1 Do Not Do for trashy TV, this show's analysis is guaranteed to be as dramatic as its plot. Before we go: "Has anyone heard of the Left/Right game?" by Reddit user u/NeonTempo: A sinister 10-part short story series about a fictional urban legend called the Left/Right Game. If you feel so inclined, read the first part of the story here: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/7asz8x/has_anyone_heard_of_the_leftright_game_part_1/. And who knows, maybe you might get haunted trying to play the game yourselves. Good luck, and happy haunting, listeners :) Warning: This episode contains minor plot spoilers for the television series Pretty Little Liars. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Bones Day! Or not. Truthfully, I haven't checked the forecast. This week, in the spirit of the Spooky October season, it's all about the thematically sinister genre of the Psychological Thriller. Claire pulls us into the spine-chilling world of What/If. This show is filled with "What"s - What's the perfect balance between compelling and mysterious? What makes the atmosphere of a Psychological Thriller so, well, thrilling? What makes a good shocking twist? They also introduce a new shocking twist of their own - a brand new addition to the classic three elements that make up a Trashy TV Show. Afterwards, Elyse rants for her half of the episode about the new Hulu TV adaptation of one of her favorite books - Nine Perfect Strangers - and talks about how well the show measured up to the novel. From pacing, to celebrity actors, to how much of the source material to throw away or keep, there's a lot of ground to cover here. Both Claire and Elyse bring up their favorite shows that were originally based on books, and discuss what worked and what failed to impress. Before we go: Claire - My Sister the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite. A psychological thriller about two sisters, one of whom must make the difficult choice between two people she loves - a charming doctor she works closely with, or her sister the serial killer. Witty and darkly comedic, this is the perfect thriller for the spooky season. Elyse - Dónde Están los Ladrones?, Shakira's fourth* studio album, released in 1998. Need something to warm you up from the chill of autumn? Take a listen to this assortment of romantic songs, all inspired by things we've lost. Elyse recommends starting with her personal favorite song from the album, "No Creo". *Correction: In the show, Elyse mistakenly said this was her second album, but upon checking Wikipedia, turns out it was the fourth. Oops! Warning: This episode contains minor plot spoilers for the two television series What/If and Nine Perfect Strangers. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

Happy Oatly's-On-Thin-F*cking-Ice Day! This week, Elyse tackles Once Upon a Time, discussing what happens when fairy tales come to the modern world - some of the major talking points include creepy little boys, cringe dialogue, and (naturally) the Hero's Journey. If you've already seen Once Upon a Time and are jonesing for more, check out its spinoff Once Upon a Time in Wonderland! Claire then dives into You, starring the reluctant and yet incredibly wonderful Penn Badgley. They touch on what makes a well-written unsympathetic villain, introduces the idea of a "Hook Season" and its narrative purpose, calls out Elyse with brutal accuracy on her media consumption habits, and so much more. Be sure to binge the first two seasons of You to prepare for season 3 premiering on October 15th! Will these shows end up on your Don't Watch List? Listen to find out! Before We Go: Elyse - Slay the Spire, a deck-building roguelike videogame developed by Mega Crit games (available on PC, Switch, iOS/Android, PS4, and Xbox). In this game, you must carefully construct your deck of cards as you attempt to defeat increasingly difficult opponents, so you can finally emerge victorious at the top of the Spire. Claire - Squid Game, a South Korean dystopian TV show currently on Netflix. This chilling series follows individuals in crippling amounts of debt who get roped into competing in a series of children's games so they can win a life-changing cash prize, at the expense of the lives of others. Warning: This episode contains minor plot spoilers for the two television series Once Upon a Time and You. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!

We're verbally famous now! Er, whatever that means. In our premier episode, Claire and Elyse review two trashy TV shows near and dear to their hearts - going through the good, the bad, and of course, the trashy. Claire kicks things off discussing Criminal Minds - they talk about the ins and out of the monster-of-the-week structure, character tropes, and the girlboss/daddy energy present throughout the show. Elyse follows up with the pinnacle of trash television - Gossip Girl. Toxic romance, high school bullying, iconic fashion - this show really has it all, making it the perfect show to outline the three necessary elements to every good trashy TV show. Will these shows end up on your Don't Watch List? Listen to find out! Before We Go: Claire - Murdaugh Murders Podcast, a chilling podcast hosted by Mandy Matney, a journalist who has been respectfully following the story for several years. Elyse - Celeste, a wonderful platformer-style video game written and designed by Maddy Thorson, and scored by Lena Raine (the names Elyse was struggling to recollect during the episode) Warning: This episode contains minor plot spoilers for the television series Criminal Minds and Gossip Girl. Have any questions? Comments? Suggestions? Email us at dontwatchlist@gmail.com!