Pine Reads Pod Reviews

"With millions of dollars at stake, walking away isn't an option."  Do you crave an adventure beyond Earth or do want to solve a good mystery? Well, in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Review, Nick and Noah sit down and put on their space monocles and try to crack open the mystery of a mind bending substance and the shady company, Babel Communications, in Scott Reintgen's novel, Nyxia. 

“…not to critique the American Dream or anything, BUT…” Teens, authors, and a last goodbye! Tune into this very special episode to hear author Matt Mendez and three teen reading ambassadors from World of Words join us as we review Dealing in Dreams! Christy tries to radicalize some teenagers! Matt talks about allegory! Our teen cohosts weigh in on the age question! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“You cannot joust without stirrups, you idiots!” Sci-Fi Jeff Bezos and King Arthur! Sapphic King Arthur retelling in space! Christy gets heated about medieval Europe! Jen gets roasted! We get a lot of the Arthur myths totally wrong! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"Humans are the problem.” Disaster teens face off against angst. The real monster was their trauma. Creepy lullabies, Stranger Things, hat semantics, and a good good cat! Christy wants to stab a boy! Jen says a bad word! We’re here for girls with swords! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“Listen, just because you majored in three things, doesn’t mean you get to make fun of us!” Is this book really YA? Are our hosts really grownups? Will we ever figure out what episode number we're up to? Vivisection, mountainous callouts, Penny Dreadful, and compulsive heterosexuality! Jen went to corpse camp! Chris doesn’t know what color muscle is! Christy says some cursed things! All that and more on this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“I could punch an owl, is what I’m saying.” Gender fluid Italian adventures with magic! Alanna, but actually becoming a boy!   Flap copy, life-or-death makeouts, fantasy Franco-Italian relations, and the relative merits of queer allegory! Christy has some serious revelations about her gender! Michelle claims geese kill people! We discover a typo and commit some book sins! All that and more in our review of The Brilliant Death by Amy Rose Capetta!

“Meredith, it’s the Illuminati!”   The power of friendship steals from imperialists! Magical realism meets interesting historical fantasy! Sneaky teens have a bad time!   We start a new format! Jen’s got more Classics knowledge than she knows what to do with, Michelle shares a hot take, and Christy yells about secret societies! All that and more in our review of The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi!

“I got that Finding Nemo vibe.” Is the world still a scary place with robots to keep everyone in check? A lonely scientist, her robot babies, and the return of our favorite goose! Lee gets his dogs! Cheyenne talks about her dog! We just really love dogs! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“I want her to show this dog the wild side.” Do robots actually speak dog? An old man, a Tesla, and some hypothetical chickens in some hypothetical danger! Lee admits he likes dogs better than geese! Cheyenne debates robot voices and the Uncanny Valley! We wonder how this wild robot is planning to escape! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“As practical as lowering your expectations might be, I don’t think we should be telling that to twelve-year-old girls.” What on earth is going on with the dragons? Beauty standards, fairytale deconstruction, squirrels, and unexamined prejudice! Christy is consistently disappointed! Cheyenne has low standards for the day! Hillary proposes a bit of reorganization! All that and more in this episode of Pine Read Pod Reviews!

“Not to go full Shrek, but let’s go full Shrek.” Am I weird? A real live middle grade author, The Lion King, Hugh Dancy, and yet more Shrek references! Christy returns! Cheyenne lies to children! We’re joined by acclaimed author of Pumpkin Spice Secrets, Hillary Homzie! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“It sounds nice already.” How soon can we get the sequel to this book? Animal kindness, a very old turtle, a robot mom, and her goose son! Lee gets emotional for once! Cheyenne loves bears! We learn a lot about animals! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“I don’t think there are robots in Disney…Wait…WALL-E!” Can robots have haunted pasts? Disney princesses, Madagascar (2005), shipwrecks, and robots on a deserted island! Lee admits he read Percy Jackson out of order! Cheyenne is hoping for some Iron Giant throwbacks! Christy…isn’t here? All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“I love Hando. He’s my new boyfriend.” How much to adults matter in a middle grade novel? Space Jam, good dogs, disability rep, and life at twenty-two! Christy gets J. K. Rowlinged! Cheyenne breaks the rules to finish a book! We desire more godly basketball! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"Presumably he gets out of the volcano." How many times can we possibly screw up this recording? Typographical othering, Grey's Anatomy, three-legged dogs, and intersectional representation! Christy spills some literal tea! Cheyenne continues her cultural identity crisis! We have some technical difficulties! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"This series does not pull punches." Our predictions were right, but at what cost? Impromptu cesarean sections, Audubon Society nature guides, troubled mother-daughter relationships, and interpersonal sniffing! Christy doesn't trust men who smell too nice! Alex calls his cohost emo! We're sorely disappointed by the lack of impaling! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"I would argue that a villain doesn't have to be likeable to be complicated." Does Christy's copy of this book contain a printing error or some kind of dire portents? Bickering cohosts, phylogenetic trees, emo super powers, and magical lessons in consent! Alex claims fish are a social construct! Christy can't stop being smug for one second! We're filled with great fear and trepidation! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“She saved the goldfish, man! How can you not love her?” Are there other forces in the Universe than teenagers wanting to bone? Winnie the Pooh, space mobsters, bad dads, and plot twists. Christy can’t get the female main character’s name right! Lee reads the whole book in a day! We’re joined briefly by a non-canonical podcast host! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“Were the stakes not high enough already?” What ever happened to Clippy? What accent do people have in space? Giant alien parasites, space cows, and a sweet-talking Russian boy. Christy doesn’t want to give the killer AI legs! Lee’s rooting for Ezra! We contemplate the possibility of punching a hole in Time-Space! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"I have a soft spot for killer AI's." WE'RE BACK! AND BETTER (we hope) THAN EVER! Are emotions stronger than nukes? West World, space zombies, and jump scares! Christy gets an error message every time she has a feeling! Lee is scared of clowns! We go down another Avatar: The Last Airbender rabbit hole! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews

A hiatus, an egomaniac, and a not terribly credible British accent! Check out this special announcement to find out what's in store for Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“What are Disney and Apple doing with all that money?” What happens if you’re stuck in space with the person you just dumped? Matt Damon, Dracula, Hoth, and instant messenger! Christy is the kind of monster who uses the word “metatextual” in casual conversation! Lee might be going on intergalactic adventures with his ex! We get side-tracked into 1960’s sci-fi movies! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"This is the kind of book that makes optimism feel realistic." Where in the world is our  Takumi? Fan fiction, hot dogs, deep sighs, and bed sharing! Christy has some questionable eating habits! Matty's twenties won't start until twenty-five! We pine over a fictional kindergarten teacher! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"Please stop sleeping with your roommates!" Does high school ever really end? Phineas & Ferb, Zac Efron, the ace representation we've beeen waiting for, Pokemon, and the neverending drama of other people's relationships. Christy drags her friend! Matty finally gets to read the book they've been waiting for! We agree that college is nothing like Pitch Perfect! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"All I wanted was no love triangles, and instead I got two." Is this our most negative review ever? Probably. Inconsistent audio quality, pop culture references, bad bi rep, gatekeeping, and oh so very much fanfiction! Christy (unsurprisingly) has strong feelings about Harry Potter ships! Matty adopts a character who has been wronged too thoroughly! Julian is censored by Amazon! All three of us are very gay and very mad! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“I did not cry, but only because I am a stone cold, emotionless rock.” Why did no one tell us we were gay? Callout posts, Infinity War tears (but not spoilers), the merits of an unplanned sequel, and problems with bisexual representation. Christy reveals a shameful secret! Matty listens to musicals instead of watching movies! Julian makes his cohosts cry! All three of us tell our coming out stories! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"Never trust a Book 1 love interest." Do people pay taxes in YA dystopias? Fairytales, debatable magic, Abraham Lincoln birthmarks, and peeling people like grapes! Christy thinks all lit majors are pedants, herself included! Cheyenne has questions about Doctor Who! We're still grossed out by the premise of this book! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"Recycle your bottles and your cans and your paper goods. Please don't recycle your relatives." When will we ever know peace again on this abominable Earth? Gordon Ramsay, emotional trauma, human flaying, and skin books! Christy challenges a flap-copy writer to a brawl! Cheyenne wants to be turned into a record when she dies! We go down a deep rabitt hole of skin book questions from which we will never emerge! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"Sometimes a family is a mom, a daughter, a stone elephant, a pigeon, and an evil lamp." Does Percy Jackson get a Twitter notification every time some other pantheon almost ends the world? Spider-Man pajamas, Darth Vader, supernatural super stores, and one very rude bird! Christy gives an impassioned defense of pigeons! Cheyenne feels really old! We beg a certain trio of podcasting brothers not to sue us! All that and more in Episode 10 of of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"It's like Night at the Museum, but every night and with less Owen Wilson!" Terrifying middle schoolers, Indian epic poems, responsible museum curatorship, strong female friendship, and lots and lots of lying! Christy only cares about Owen Wilson and Robin Williams! Cheyenne reveals some strange numerical compulsions! We really hope the Spider-Man pajamas stick around! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

“It was really good, but I’m kind of emotionally devastated now.” Will book 2 bring redemption for a certain boy? Black Lives Matter, questionable redemption, and quite a lot of swearing! We're joined once again by the incredible Dr. Stephanie Troutman for a post-read talk on Tomi Adeyemi's Children of Blood and Bone. Matty talks about questions of God! Christy talks about questions of Snape! Dr. Troutman doesn’t ship Reylo! All that and more in Episode 8 of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"I think it's gonna be hard to ignore this book." Would suddenly developing necromancy powers be alarming? Black Panther, Avatar the Last Airbender, Annie, and the cutest little Buzz Lightyear we ever did see! For episode seven of Pine Reads Pod Reviews we're joined by special guest Professor Stephanie Troutman, feminist scholar and activist, for a pre-read discussion of Tomi Adeyemi's stunning debut, Children of Blood and Bone. Christy roasts her dad for his movie taste! Matty's pulling for some more queer content! Dr. Troutman finally gets revenge on her kindergarten haters! All that and more in this episode!

"Black Bolt and Crusher Creel should co-parent." When will we learn to love ourselves like Raava? Parenting advice, Orange is the New Black, semi-permanent comic book death, and bad bad superhero dads. Christy talks trash about Johnny Storm! Matty hates beer! We finally get answers about Lockjaw's origins! All that and more in this episode of Pine Reads Pod Reviews!

"Technically this isn't YA or a novel, but it's Spring Break, so who cares?" Do superheroes' parents give them terrible names on purpose? Episode Five of Pine Reads Pod Reviews, in which we discuss comics, incarceration, and Throg the Frog of Thunder. Christy tries to summarize the history of the Inhumans! Matty gives us the lowdown on Lockjaw, the giant pug! We go on a wikipedia dive far deeper than we ever intended! All that and more in this episode!

"Sometimes they're jerks, because they're teenagers and they're humans, but they're trying really hard...and they're heroes." What sort of wounds would you heal if you could? Candy criticism, queer romance, Professor Quirrell, and the Rapture! Christy loves Baby Cthulu! Sierra reads Beowulf for fun! We discover that we can never escape the Shrek references! All that and more in Episode Four of Pine Reads Pods Reviews!

"I feel like this episode might reveal a little more than I want to about how much I've been Twitter-stalking Hutchinson." Does bringing someone back from the dead in a Starbucks parking lot get you a free zombie frappuccino? Episode three of Pine Reads Pod Reviews, in which we discuss Mean Girls, Starbucks, alien abduction, and vampire boarding schools! Christy doesn't have her crap together! Sierra learns about asexual reproduction in lizards! We debate the existence of this mythical thing called "adulthood!" All that an more in this episode!

"Are you honestly telling me that Gerald the Herald is not a character Garth Nix stole from a rejected Shrek script? Wake up and smell the conspiracy, Cheyenne!" The best wisdom is offered by dogs, right? Episode two of Pine Reads Pod Reviews, in which Christy realises she's officially an old person, Cheyenne points out the dirty jokes, we're horrified by the logistics of giant amphibians, and Ardent is a very good boy.

"I will have a problem with it if he turns out to be the love interest and remains a newt."   Announcing the first episode of our newly revamped podcast, Pine Reads Pod Reviews! From now on, we'll be releasing both pre-read and post-read discussions of newly released young adult and middle grade books. Tune in every Thursday!   Cheyenne calls out Frozen! Christy calls out Cheyenne! This episode we discuss Garth Nix, Shrek 5, the implications of newt/human romance, and a whole lot of talking dogs. Could it be that we've gotten off track? Probably, but every fairytale retelling needs its wacky characters, and we just might be the wackiest of all.

Can grey morality be optimistic? Should children be able to kill gods? Is a Dungeons and Dragons reference too nerdy even for this podcast? Can these hosts stay on topic for five minutes? Will Christy ever stop harping on about he flawed morality in Harry Potter? Big news, big moods, and big bad dudes! Episode eleven, in which Alex is a cambrian cutie, Christy accidentally says a naughty word, big plans are revealed for the podcast, and we discuss the realities of female puberty.

Red wolves, mean girls, competent adults, and our bad jokes! All that and more in our review of The Ethan I Was Before by our friend Ali Standish! In which Christy wants to know why there are so many dead kid books, Julia's microphone misbehaves a whole lot, we cry a little bit over wolf pups, and everyone should be on #TeamRoddie.

Can a narrator be too perfect? Can a billionaire be four different people at once? Can the people who wrote this book's synopsis do math? Listen to this episode to find out what we think! In which Kayla doesn't believe in friendly gaming culture, Christy may or may not be trying to seduce her cohost, our hero can apparently read minds, and we worry that augmented reality tech might get one of us hit by a car.

What does John Green's newest book have in common with Catcher in the Rye, Name of the Wind, Slaughterhouse Five, and Rent? Listen to this episode to find out! In which Christy is bodysnatched and cries in a laundry room, Alex's dormmates play a wholesome game of water-pong, John Green advocates for much-needed teenage optimism, and maybe, just maybe, things are gonna be OK.

In which we meet a brand new cohost, Cheyenne debates the merits of first-book romance, Christy has a lot on her plate, and we grapple with name-swapping.

In which cohost Alex gets bleeped, Christy sits on a throne of smug, we debate the merits of Elias's superpowers, Christy's cats make a brief guest appearance, and we all sometimes wish we were fictional.

In which cohost Alex goes deep on the alien biology, Christy is unimpressed by God's crystal cat carrier, and Roger is repeatedly compared to oatmeal.

In which new host Alex regales us with wacky stories about Isaac Newton, Christy can’t remember anyone’s names but really wants a t-shirt, we are repeatedly sidetracked into Harry Potter, and our hosts argue about dynamite!(Episode correction: Christy and Alex refer to a character by several different names this episode, none of them correct. His name is not Osborn or Osgood. It is Oswyn, and we apologize.)

In which new cohost Meghan has a thing for Rhys, Christy is concerned with the biting, Feyre needs feminism, and a great deal of trash is talked about Tamlin.

In which cohost Marissa judges more books by their covers, Christy is unimpressed with the back muscles, and we have serious concerns about Scarlett's priorities.

In which we are introduced to our show and our hosts, cohost Marissa talks about Downton Abbey, Christy can't decide if Keenan is a would-be lover or evil mastermind, and we're all very excited for Sabaa Tahir to torture us in the sequel.