Pondoff's Anonymous

For Episode 38’s show notes, I’ll leave it to the words from a girl I know… “We gathered to remember Randy Hoff, a life that ended way too early. I never knew Randy but I know those that love him dearly. It is inspiring to see their commitment to talk about something that has been stigmatized for so long - suicide and mental health. The only way to save lives is to talk about this. Pain is what people are trying to end, unbearable pain, not their lives. We have to keep this conversation going - to bring into the light what has hid in the darkness for way too long. And, if you are one who is suffering unbearable pain right now - reach out. We need you in this world. Let us help you find a way out of the pain.” -Ashley Pondoff Please tune in to hear from Randy’s mother and daughter as they honor him and continue the conversation on suicide prevention, grief recovery, and how to shatter the stigma surrounding mental health and those that die by suicide. Stigma… Man. F*** stigma. Let us pray. -Chris *I would like to personally dedicate this episode to Weston Randy Hoff, Randy’s nearly two-year-old nephew, who, by no coincidence, is identically equipped with Randy’s bright blue eyes. Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

On episode 37, Jeff and I sit down and discuss: -We’re back in the Studio! Thank you, Jesus! -Jeff took a mental health break. Power to him! -The Bold and the Beautiful is getting fucking good, man. Sup, Stephy. Sup, Hope. -I’ve been to a ton of fucking funerals. Had one this past Saturday. -I’m a bad coach, man. But I know how to delegate. And. -F*** six flags. Let us pray. -Chris Chris Pondoff Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

On Episode 36, Jeff and I talk about: -a two week break -Labor Day -Zillow is the new porn -Chris used to live in a shit hole when he was all drunk. Sorry for the short and sweet show notes, life is 2020 right now. But all is well and God is great, mother fuckers! Enjoy the show, tell your friends, and let us pray! -CP

Ben Curtis was on LAW & ORDER! And he came on our shitty, fucking podcast!?! I should quit now! For those of you that know me and understand my obsession with L&O, THIS IS MY MOUNTAIN TOP! (The only thing that could top this is having Joey Potter or Hope from The Bold and The Beautiful on.) Amen! Praise the Lord! And, check-fucking-please! Haha. In all seriousness, it was an absolute honor and privilege having Ben on. He has risen, fell, and rose again, and his story shows hope, resilience, and an incredible act of self-realization, self-empowerment, and personal fucking freedom. Ben saw fame, money, and the lack of what we call a “no guy” lead him down a path to drug use and alcoholism in “the city that never sleeps”, NY, NY. The more I think about it, had Ben and I ever ran into each other in Manhattan, we could have had one hell of a time. Not that Manhattan fits the proverbial “small world” cliché, but a guy that gets thrown into jail because he was all fucked up buying weed on a bicycle while free-ballin’ in a Scottish kilt would definitely be a guy that I could have partied with back in the day. Maybe it’s a good thing that God kept us from bumping into each other after all. Haha. Make sure you tune into this one, guys, and hear Ben, Jeff, and I have great conversation about overcoming addiction and listen as Ben gives amazing tips about how to fucking love yourself. Oh, and even if you are not a diehard L&O’er, you still may recognize Ben... Yep, he is “Steve the Dell Guy” from the infamous DELL commercials back in the 2000’s! Thanks for always listening, guys! And, Ben, thank you again, brother! I’ve repeated one of your quotes daily since we recorded and don’t plan on stopping soon… “What we don’t resist, will persist.” Amen. Let us pray. -Chris *Ben Curtis is now a Personal Freedom and Performance Coach and is helping countless folks realize their worth and fight their demons. Check out his YouTube video below, and if you think he could help you, please do not hesitate to reach out! Also, please follow him on Instagram and look for him on Facebook. Ben’s IG: @bencurtisofficial FB: https://www.facebook.com/benbelieves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-ZzcjjW7yA https://www.youtube.com/BenCurtis

Episode Notes Vacation episode, comin’ at ya’! I went to Table Rock Lake! The last time I was in Branson, I rolled my balls off on ecstasy. Not this time! This time It was Ashley, Charlie, and I’s first vacation as a family. As: "The Pondoffs”… Very similar to: "The Griswolds.” Lots of “cluster-fuckery”, but also lots of fun. As much as I make fun of the sentimental shit, I really am a lucky bastard with this family of mine. Thanks, God. ‘Preeciate ya’. Anyway, tune in, holla at ‘ur boys, and tell your friends that we rock. Except when we’re sorta offending people. (Sorry if we have… and by “we” I mean “I” because Jeff doesn’t offend people. After all, he’s a liberal.) Seriously though, I’m not perfect, so please don’t cancel me. Have a great week, y’all! And as always, Let us pray. (Shall we.) -Chris

It’s a bonus episode! I got to take over while Chris is on vacation and give you some quick thoughts on dealing with anxiety. This stuff helps me, I hope it helps you. Here are some links to the couple things I promised you in this episode: Breathing exercise video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdbbtgf05Ek Salsa Recipe! https://www.dropbox.com/s/arm8bqqav2p6m68/salsa%20recipe.docx?dl=1 Check out our podcasting host, Pinecast. Start your own podcast for free, no credit card required, forever. If you decide to upgrade, use coupon code r-de97d3 for 40% off for 4 months, and support Pondoff's Anonymous.

What’s up, y’all! On Episode 32, It’s just Jeff and I. We talk about: -Xanax -Coping -Friday’s South Tavern’s fish fry. -Some employee at Friday’s didn’t know me when Jeff name dropped my ass. -I’m calling her fucking boss. -I should be apart of the God d**n interview process! -We then talk about cravings. -And dopamine. -And how now I’m a little fat. Tune into the podcast! Let us know how we’re doing! And holler with problems, tips, and (if you’re hot AF) ‘dem digits! Kidding. We’re both married. For now. Let us pray. -Chris

“Wake up, wake up, wake up…” This episode will drop on Monday, August 3rd. But, we recorded it on the first of the month. “So cash your checks and up.” On Episode 31 Jeff and I bullshit back and forth about a variety of different things: -Jeff quit Facebook. -Kindness. -My wife went to Pepperdine. Have you fucking seen Pepperdine? Yeah well, if she had money, she sure doesn’t anymore. Finally, after jabber jawin’ like two coked up barbers, I get to this episode’s topic: My college experience. Belleville, meet Champaign, IL. Champaign, meet Belleville. (As an aside, whether I drive the topic home or not on this episode is for y’all to determine, but as I say a couple times on the show, I only skim the surface here. There’s a little more to the story and maybe one day I can dive deeper. Hence the episode being titled, “Part 1”. I cannot promise that I will ever get there, but… maybe. Never say never. Especially considering that these parts of my story could potentially help folks. So, we shall see.) Take a listen to see if something resonates. And as always, we are both so grateful for all of you for supporting the podcast. Let us pray. We love you, Josh. Your memory and kindness still lives in our hearts today, brother. -Chris

On July, 6th 2016, I drove to my guy's house to pick him up for a baseball game while he was in town visiting from Florida. When he let me into his house that afternoon, It took me all of two seconds to realize that we weren't going to a baseball game that night. Eric was sick. When we first started this podcast, there was one person at the top of my list to have on. So, on Episode TWENTY-NINE (HA!), I give to you, my surrogate little brother, Eric Conley. *Cue the Ultimate Warrior’s entrance music. (There’s a reason we waited this long, jerkoffs.) Anyway, growing up with two sisters, I was always good at finding surrogate brothers. But, it wasn’t until high school that I got stuck with a little punk kid wannabe baller named Eric as my “little brother”. Haha. In all seriousness, I met Eric when he was little as his sister and I were… ya’ know… close friends. I remember always saying, “Eric, go outside and hide and I’ll come out and seek ya” so I could get him out of the house and make out with his sis. Kid would fall for it every time. She wouldn’t, however. In fact, if anyone was playing hide-and-seek.. it was usually me seeking her in high school and into college… And lemme tell ya’, she hid pretty fucking well. Not “restraining-order-well”… but well enough to move a couple of towns away and into a different county. And on goes the story of that lengthy saga. ANYWAY. Back to Eric. He and I always stayed close. I tried my hardest to be a “role model” for him, and at times that responsibility felt pretty good. However, before I was able to commit to a life of sobriety, I was anything but a role model to him. “Hey Eric, don’t fuck around with pills.” Meanwhile I was telling him this with a bottle-and-a-half of whiskey in me and about 8 lines of coke. Nice fucking role model, eh? At least back then. You guys, this episode is the most powerful episode we have done yet. July 15th, 2020 (this past Wednesday) was the ten year anniversary of the death Eric’s mother, Diane. And since the birth of this little show, Eric and I had this week earmarked as his recording week, to honor his late mother. Spending as much time in her home as I did when I was a kid (she would always call me Eddie, as in Eddie Haskell), I had a firsthand view of how much she loved Eric. Eazy was her baby boy, no matter how much it would piss his sisters off. And Diane, well she was a warrior. Period. She battled multiple rounds of cancer and never gave up. No matter how f***ing sick she was. But it took a toll on Eazy. It did. And he couldn’t cope. Well, he “coped” I guess. Eric turned to drugs. We all handle things differently… we all grieve differently… and unfortunately… a lot of us self-medicate. As Eric puts it in this episode, he had “a pocket full of lent” and once last chance to get sober at the end of his ride. So tune in, and hear his story. I bet you’ll cry… I think you’ll laugh a little… and I know that you’ll wrap up with a renowned sense of hope and a big ole’ fucking smile. Eric – Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your incredible fucking journey, brother. And thank you for doing what you do in your line of work today. You are helping save lives and you sit right in the pit with people like us. Oh, we'll makeup that ball game soon too, my man! Promise! You can buy the fucking hot dogs. Love you, bro. Your mother is so fucking proud of you. I even loved you back when I was dunking on your ass and that John guy from Champs in your parents drive-way. Give me the rock! And, Let us pray. -Chris

Episode 28, y’all! Thanks for allowing us a break for the 4th! Personally, I needed one. And nobody blew off any fingers in the Pondoff household. So, I’d say the holiday was a success. Guess what. Had a Covid scare! All good though. That test was like a prostate exam through my nose! Aye yai yai! Speaking of prostate exams... The last time I had my prostate checked, the doc had both his hands on my shoulders. Ha! I’m here all day! Anyway, episode 28 is more than just Jeff and I bullshitting. I dive right on into some foster care sh*t. Brutal? At times. Heavy? Most of the times. Worth it? Ab-suh-fucking-lutely. Listen, there’s so many kids our there that don’t stand a God d**m chance. And that really fucking sucks. Here, let me read you a txt that foster parents get when a kid is looking for a home. Ball crushing, right? Yep. We need more fixers, y’all. We have plenty identifiers. WE NEED. MORE. FIXERS. Maybe it’s you? Let us pray. -Chris

It’s, “I’ll see you later”. Man. This episode sure does have some “feels”. It would have been a lot easier to do three or four months ago… before she “Dear John’d” us. For those of you that don’t know, Yvi Martin, the pastor of the church that I go to in STL (my f***ing pastor) is leaving us for Kansas City, MO. F*** me. But God bless her. It’s a pretty awesome deal for her and her fam. And even more awesome for the people in KC that she’ll be serving. They’re a lucky group… For some reason though, I cannot get George Strait’s song, “All My Exes Live in Texas”, out of my head. But instead of Texas, it’s Kansas City. Coincidentally though, Yvi is actually from Texas. Anyway, tune in and hear her story and listen to her words… We talk about her upbringing, her literal call, and her witness to people’s lives being transformed by Jesus’s love and grace. (Shit’s for real, b.) We also workshop a plan to be where-the-rubber-meets-the-road on bringing Jesus’s love and grace to hookers and call-girls over on the east side. The plan is still in its infancy, but I’m dedicated to making this happen. (Amen. Ya' hear, Wyclef). But seriously, Yvi’s words are fucking inspiring. Like for real inspiring…. not bullshit inspiring. She’s been instrumental in my recovery journey with her truthfulness, authenticity, and love. She’s been a constant rock for my family through fostering a child, getting married, and some death shit. She’s fierce, she’s wise, and she will meet you where you are… Especially if it’s in the fucking pits. Is someone chopping an onion around here? Aye yai yai. Yvi – To say we will miss you is an understatement beyond all understatements. Thank you for being our “mother hen” these past 4 years. So, as God once told you, you can “go” again. In peace. While I go OD on ice cream and pizza to try and get over you. Let us pray. -Chris

Forgiveness, y’all. Don Henley don’t have shit on us. Is it just me or does or every time we go on social media, three things become more clear? 1) Nobody fucking forgives anyone anymore. 2) Nobody seeks forgiveness anymore. And. 3) Must be nobody fucking out there. Like literally. There’s no way people are getting laid right now. Not on the reg at least. Pick a side. Stand firm. To hell with your neighbors. Jesus Christ! Go get fucked (literally… for real) and blow off some steam… and maybe you can find some fucking peace and kindness in your heart and soul. And maybe, just maybe, you can start listening some more. Even if y’all disagree. ESPECIALLY if y’all disagree. Look… I don’t have this thing down perfect… but I really am trying… I promise… And just by trying this shit… I become more peaceful, less arrogant, and I’m generally not spending hours and hours of my day all liquored up and pissed off. And it really is dope AF to live this way. For real. Forgiveness, y’all. It looks good on you. It’s in the bible. It’s a cornerstone of recovery. And there’s no better sex than makeup sex. Let us pray.

We gotta talk about it… Regardless of cancel culture… We gotta talk about it. Plus, your podcast actually has to be good and have some listeners to get “cancelled”, right? So, we should be safe. On episode 24, Jeff and I talk about it. We have an imperfect conversation about it. And we open ourselves up to it. So, if you are inclined, check it out and give us a listen. Maybe something will resonate… or maybe you’ll just want to hate fuck us all over the internet. We shall see. That being said, I wanted to leave y’all with the below quotes that are important to us. “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” -Jon Acuff “Trouble the Narrative.” -Austin Channing Brown And, my personal favorite... “I don’t know shit about fuck.” -Ruth Langmore Let us pray. -Chris Chris Pondoff Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

We’re back! Did you miss us? Ha. You probably didn’t even know we were gone. Well, thanks anyway for the Memorial Day break! On Episode 23, Jeff and I do a little catching up. I love old westerns and Dawson’s Creek. And I binge-watched both this Memorial Day Weekend. Jeff grew a beard. A big fucking beard. The man is a beast! I used to get all fucked up on Memorial Day weekend. I’m so glad I don’t anymore. Tune in and check this one out! We had a blast recording it and I think y’all will enjoy it. Maybe it will be a good break from the real world that is surrounding us. And, for all that shit that is going on… Let us pray. Amen. -Chris Chris Pondoff Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

When my old man died, my life was over. No joy. No happiness. No fucking smiles.So I thought.When I decided to quit drinking and doing other shit, my life was over again. No joy. No happiness. No fucking smiles.So I thought.When I was born, I was immediately baptized a St. Louis Blues fanatic, and my life, every spring/early summer, was over. No joy. No happiness. No fucking smiles.So. I. Thought!On May 12th, in honor of Tommy "TP" Pondoff, or Tommy “Orr” Pondoff, or Tom “Jesus Saves and Pondoff Scores on the Rebound” Pondoff, I sat down and recorded this episode detailing my lifelong journey with the sport of ice hockey. My “way of life” if you will.After setting that table, I dive into my spiritual as fuck Stanley Cup story from last summer, which I rarely discuss in great detail, where Tom was ever so fucking present... and most likely had a hand in keeping Jamie Benn's weak ass wraparound out of the net during game 7 OT Dallas.So, tune into the podcast and hear a message of hope from a guy who was about as hopeless as it fucking gets.And, If you will, please let it be a reminder that:-If you're in the brutal depths of your grief journey. You can and will find joy again. I promise.-If you're spiraling towards rock bottom, and the thought of a happy life outside of addiction seems impossible, you can and will find happiness again. I promise.-If the current state of the world has your anxiety and depression off-the-fucking chart, you can and will find your smile again. I promise.(-And, If you're a lifelong Chicago Blackhawks fan since 2010 (and have most likely stopped telling everyone how big of a fan you are as their franchise sits now), you can and will find... nope... come to think of it... y'all are fucked.)God I crack myself up.Miss you everyday, TP!Give Blood. Play Hockey.Let us pray.Amen.-ChrisChris Pondoff Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

In the words of the “late”, great Tupac Shakur:“Even as a crack fiend, Mama. Ya’ always was a black queen, mama. You are appreciated.”When it comes to my relationship with my mother, no truer words have ever been spoken.Well, at least the part about being appreciated.You are soooo f-ing appreciated, mom. Exclamation point.My mother has shown up and loved me despite.Period.End of sentence.Despite all the shit I have put her through the years.Temper tantrums, taking my old man’s side on every issue, attacking her friend because I thought he was hitting on her…All that shit.And, especially, for all the times that I took her for granted. She still showed up. She still loved unconditionally.So, to say that I am grateful for her is the understatement of my lifetime. She truly has never left my side.I now realize my gratitude for her.I promise. I realized this gratitude when I was a little boy.I realized this gratitude the day I got out of inpatient.I realized this gratitude on my wedding day.But even more so today, I live in a constant state of gratitude for her. Even during our arguments, or even during some “foul mouthed tirades” I may go on, or even during my recovering alcoholic mood swings, or even when she is always taking my older sister’s side on everything…All that shit.I am grateful, mom, and I love you.Now, I’ll text you my grocery list.

Twenty episodes! Allow us to pat ourselves on the back, shall we?Listen, we realize twenty episodes is no huge feat, but you cannot get to two hundred without hitting twenty, right?Kind of like how you cannot get to home-base without first getting to first, second, and third, right?Unless of course you and her are the only two left sitting at the bar on a random Tuesday night, and after one last shot of tequila and one last key bump y’all you decide to sneak outside for a quick smoke ‘n poke… In that case, no need to waste any time with French kisses and titty play.Or so I’ve heard.Anyway!Twenty episodes! How ‘bout that!?For real though, what a fun time this has been!Not only have Jeff and I have had the absolute privilege of having on some cool as fuck guests on, we have had tangible human beings reach out and take the necessary steps to make a change in their life.And that shit gets me off.After all, that is what we’re here for.Oh. And we are not going anywhere. So help us, God.We have even gotten Jeff "The Liberal" to say a few swear words on this thing! Hell, he even calls out some double-lifed Christian hypocrites on this episode. And I could not be more proud of him! So, come on in and check out this show, guys, and listen as we recap what we’ve accomplished and join our discussion regarding our vision moving forward.Fuck.Maybe you would like to help.Or, maybe you need some fucking help. Either way, NEVER hesitate to reach out!God bless you all!Let us pray.-ChrisPondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

If I could legally steal people’s music… kidding.If I knew how to source and reasonably pay for intro music, I would have paid to use the “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase’s WWF/WWE ring entrance music to introduce Mark to the show.Instead, because I suck at podcasting, I will just welcome him with my magical words.On Episode 19, Jeff and I welcome my good friend, The STL Tax Lawyer, Mark Milton.Thanks for joining us, Mark!Mark and I went to high school and college together (I L L), so we have known each other for quite some time. (One of us is a successful lawyer with college degrees and the other is a former coked up, drunk college dropout who got a job from his daddy and now talks into a recorded zoom call once a week with a cheap hat that says, “Pondoff’s Anonymous” on it. You be the judge as to who's who.) Having said that, we have been friends for quite a while now, so I obviously moved my tax returns from H&R Block’s consistent proctology exam to Mark, who has been a Godsend. My wife and I use him, and we highly recommend him.You may be asking, “Why are (we) having a tax guy on our recovery and mental health Pondcast?”Well lemme tell ya’ something, Mean Gene.Sorry. Couldn’t resist.The short answer is this…Mark has encountered countless people who have tax problems that are either directly or indirectly a result of their addiction. So, we talk about that.Mark has also encountered people that are trying to turn their life around and often fear that their tax issues problems are too big to face and attempt to get in front of. So, we talk a lot about that. And, in my opinion, we dispel most of the fear you may have regarding this issue. Often times, we make the “monster-under-our-bed” mistake and fear that these problems are far too large for us to handle.This is not true. You CAN get in front of this.Last, Mark will give our audience (of seven) some good insight into the Government’s stimulus package and how it will be dispersed, even if you haven’t filed your tax return in the past couple of years.So, tune in, and please listen and share as always.Hopefully this episode can shed some light for you guys.Thanks again to Mark for being apart of the program this week and, as always, thanks to all of you for listening and supporting us!Be well and stay safe out there!Let us pray, amen.-ChrisRelated Links:www.irs.gov www.stltaxlawyer.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com https://linktr.ee/pondoff https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw

On Episode 18, Jeff and I talk quite a bit about our anxiety disorders and how they can literally hijack our hours, days, and weeks if we don’t get them under control.We also talk about Jeff’s personal medical issues he had and how a hot doctor had to thoroughly examine him. If you know what I mean.My doctor is beautiful as well. She saved my life. And I love her.Anyways… onto part three of this little pond-cast mini-series. On Episode 9, we recorded part one titled “The Ugly Liability” where we talked about how big of a liability I had become to my friends, my family, and all the bar regulars out there that I used to drink with. On Episode 17, we did part two titled, “The Bad Reliability” where we detailed how I had lost all sense of reliability that I once had with the folks listed above. And finally, on Episode 18 titled “Footprints”, I try my best to articulate my “great humility” or my "ultimate humbling"… or my "castrating humiliation", if you will.Man. I can really, really, reallllly relate to that Footprints prayer / poem.I AM that guy walking the beach with Jesus.Ugh.So, tune in! And hopefully my personal redemption story will help you or someone you know realize that once you’re truly humbled, then you can start to ascend into a life of gratitude, hope and peace.It has worked for me… and a ton of people like me.I promise.I'm by no means perfect at this life, as I error often, but I am grateful to say that I'm more mindful and self-aware than I ever have been before this. It’s like my pastor always says…“Chris, you’re a work in progress.”That I am.Which is truly evident towards the end of this episode when I briefly and accidentally mention an encounter I had with a Russian hooker in Vegas on my 21st birthday.Nobody’s perfect.Thanks for listening! Let us pray.-CPChris Pondoff Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

On Episode 17, Jeff and I sit down and discuss our lovely Zoom backgrounds.Well his. I record from my shitty basement office that I’ve been reduced to. Thanks, Ash. Thanks, Charlie.Anyway. In this episode, we ramble and chat mostly about three things.1) The 800lb gorilla. We’re still “quarantined” and it’s hard to not discuss it a little bit.2) The 200lb gorilla. The namesake of this episode. How un-fucking-reliable I had become as the grips of alcoholism got tighter and tighter.3) 100lb baby gorilla. Please pray for my cousin. She’s been through so fucking much in three or four lifetimes, let alone one. She’s one of my greatest inspirations when it comes to the whole faith-hope-love game and has helped me in my own grief journey more than she could ever possibly know.I don’t know why I kept adding gorillas. They just kind of rolled off the tongue and I write show notes like I talk.And 8 + 2 + 1 = 11.And I AM number 11.I hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday!He is risen!There is reason for hope! Because, “God does his best work when it’s dark!”Let us pray.Chris Pondoff Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal) cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.com www.pondoffsanonymous.com IG: @pondoffsanonymous FB: Pondoff's Anonymous YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtnYAJ-jbjcn5Uct4I5Ifrw Podcast Access: https://linktr.ee/pondoff

On Episode 16, it is our distinct honor and privilege to welcome Matt Miofsky, lead pastor of The Gathering here in St. Louis.Did that sound hoity-toity?It kind of did, didn’t it?So be it. This guy is one of my tickets to heaven!And, he’s Jeff’s literal boss.So, ass-kissing, we shall.In all seriousness, Matt has been at the top of our list to have on the podcast since we launched this thing. Initially, I wanted to wait for the perfect time to have him on… and then it hit me… no better time than now… with the beginning of Holy Week leading up to Easter on Sunday.F*ing genius, right?Quarantine be damned.Normally, I’m this show’s biggest critic. But, not on this one… I absolutely loved the conversation we had on this episode!Matt, Jeff, and I have a real-life conversation about church and Jesus and the power of the resurrection. Matt gets into how the church can be the church’s own worst enemy and how Matt quite often is trying to undo a lot of the wrongs church has done to folks over the years.We chat about the power of addiction and darkness and discuss real-life examples that happen every day that Matt and I have been witness to. We won't bore you with the impossible-to-read stories in the bible that happened thousands of years ago (which are super relevant too… but it’s nice to see this God and Jesus shit play out in our everyday lives, right?).Right.You see, my story (because it’s the one I know and “own” in terms of sharing) is one where the impossible became possible. And yes, it’s because of Jesus. For some of you, that may turn you off… I get it… the church way isn’t your bag. It wasn’t necessarily mine either at one point… granted, I always had faith and believed in heaven… but I never knew the power of the love of Jesus… never.Until I leaned the fuck into him and decided to allow him to work in my heart.And THAT decision…That decision took me from the suffocating darkness into a life of light, love, hope, and joy.When you have nothing to lose, why not try it a different way?So, tune in!Maybe you can make your decision to lean in like I did on this upcoming Easter Sunday. You can listen and watch The Gathering’s Easter Service online, and you can hear Matt describe the power and the hope of the resurrection in detail. And how THAT actually is good f*ing news! Not like the churchy, religiousy khaki-panted good news door-knockers tell you. It's more like when a friend calls you on the phone and says, "Hey... I have some great news to share with you!" And then they tell you about a new baby, a new relationship, or that some gal that you have the hots for is sweet on you... THAT KIND OF GOOD NEWS. Because that's what this shit is! You can resurrect your own life by leaning towards Jesus and you can start this Sunday. Like I did. And look at me... I'm still rough around the edges and say the "F' all the time! Can I get an AMEN!?! Ha! I was rambling... and I had to end with, "can I get an amen", because I think Miofsky hates that. Anyway. Just remember, as you’re enjoying Easter with us, always remember that Jesus can resurrect your (or your “friend’s”) life from the dead and the darkness that consumes us. I promise you. This shit works, B.Let us pray.-ChrisVisit gatheringnow.org to join us for Easter online!

On Episode 15, we are so honored to welcome our guest, my friend, Joey Miner.Welcome, Joey!*The crowd goes wild.Joey has been a lifelong friend of mine as we first met when we were like 6 or7. Fast forward 30 years and now we’re on a recovery podcast being all vulnerable and shit about our past experiences with rock bottom.Crazy.And, Pondoff... it's a fiddle, not a banjo, you absolute dumb fuck. Ugh. Anyway. Joey is one of the most talented musicians I’ve ever known and has been playing in the legendary local (STL/So. Illinois) band Well Hungarians for six years now.Joey has been clean from heroin for 7 years.But, Joey still drinks.And he wants to chat with y’all.You see, Joey is the perfect guest for our podcast. Joey is a real mother fucker that still experiences the highs and lows of life and he himself is like all of us… admirably imperfect.On this episode we discuss Joey’s drug use, his recovery journey, and his present state during this fucking pandemic.And Joey couldn’t be anymore fucking baller for coming on and sharing with you. His heart is as big as they come and he literally, with every fiber of his being, cares about people.So, tune in, and hear a real-life story from a real-life person on his battle with addiction and mental health.You won’t be sorry.Let us pray.-Chris*Pondoff’s Anonymous would like to dedicate this episode in memory of Joey’s cousin, Rachel Boaz. Joey, we’re praying for you and your whole fucking family, brother. We love you.(You can reach Joey on FB @JoeyMiner or Instagram @wh_joeyminer)(For More information on the Well Hungarians, visit their website: https://wellhungarians.net/)

On Episode 14, Jeff and I sit down and talk in depth about how absolutely fucking brutal “shelter-in-place”, “self-quarantine”, and “isolation” are to folks that are struggling with an addiction or a mental health issue.This episode is so, so important. It wasn’t my favorite to listen back to… because it’s hard shit we’re all dealing with now. So pardon the lack of hunky-dory, here.(As I’m writing these episode notes, I’m broken hearted over an email I just received this morning letting us know of a young man’s OD death this morning.)God! I say “uhh” a lot starting off this pocast. Ugh. Fucking speech class 101, you idiot.Sorry about that, y’all. New setting.Check out our new mics! Courtesy of Heil Sound! Thanks to Steve Warford and Heil who donated these baller ass mics to us! Check them out at: https://heilsound.com/! They are some great people and are highly recommended! Call Steve at their shop in Fairview Heights, IL anytime for help with anything sound.Guys. This isolation shit is real, now, as you all know.Along with all the heroes out there in the likes of doctors, nurses, social workers, teachers, first responders, etc. (this list goes on and on), what is front and center in our hearts and on the top of our prayer lists are those who are struggling with alcoholism, addiction, mental health, grief and overall fucking loneliness.Self-isolate… is a personal hell for those of us in recovery. I can attest to that personally.We often live each day, one day at a time, by our routines. We are often regimented on our schedules and leave little room in them for idle time.Remember that saying, “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” or “playground” or whatever-the-fuck?There’s so much fucking truth to that.So, if you find yourself in this new arena of loneliness and are really feeling the temptation of relapse, PLEASE REACH OUT!In fact, we’ve recently started a Facebook Group “sub-page” off of our Facebook Page (Pondoff’s Anonymous) called Pondoff’s Anonymous – PA Online Meetings. Please join it… we created it to be a safe place for you while you’re unable to attend your meetings. We’re open-minded and ready to listen. And could use anyone with experience in sobriety to help those that show up. Spread the word!As we close the episode, I want everyone to know that this is real. People can and already have died from the loneliness and their addiction during these short 10-14 days of this isolation. It IS HAPPENING!So, please, keep your eye out and prayers up for these folks. If you know someone that fits this mold, call them… tell them you love them… and please let them know that we are here to help.Let us pray.For real this time. Join us at the end of this episode for a closing prayer.Amen.-Chris

On Episode 13, we welcome Jeff Stevens, founder of Wellbeing Brewing, which is the country’s first brewery solely dedicated to brewing Non-Alcoholic Craft Beer.How ‘bout that!?!*Disclaimer… trigger happy folks… we certainly discuss the potential risks in engaging in NA beers if you ARE a recovering alcoholic. So, before you empty your clips at us, please listen to our discussion first.Jeff, as he says on his website (www.wellbeingbrewing.com), is a “NON-alcoholic”.I love that!On this episode we discuss Jeff’s recovery history and how he always longed for a fun, healthy alternative to drink when going out. Jeff discusses in depth his path through his own recovery journey and having NA drinks."But Jeff, NA beers as I know them taste like shit.""Exactly. That’s why I came out with an NA beer that tastes good."Voila.Y’all. Check out this episode! Jeff Stevens, Jeff “The Liberal”, and I have a fun conversation on the NA beer market here in STL, nationally, and even in Europe, where NA beer is a really big deal.So, when life gets back to normal, ask your server if they serve Wellbeing. And, If they don’t, ask them why the fuck not. Olive + Oak in Webster Groves is a huge fan of Wellbeing and serves quite a bit of it. Generally, if Olive + Oak likes it, it’s a hit.Check us out, guys! And if you like what you hear, please subscribe to us on YouTube and like our FB page! By doing that you expand our reach and our potential to help some people out! And then grab yourself a Wellbeing!Thanks, God Bless, and be safe and stay well!Let us pray.-CP

On Episode 12, we welcome the one and only, Mike Wellington.Mike is a professional golfer and still caddies at times on the pro tour.Mike also has Bipolar Disorder.And he’s not afraid to tell you about it.Six years ago Mike started a foundation called “Birdies4Bipolar”, and he subsequently wrote an amazing book titled, “Birdies, Bogeys, and Bipolar Disorder”, which published in 2016, and details his journey with his disease in depth. I could not recommend this book more. It is an intriguing, gut-wrenching, and inspiring book, not just for folks that may suffer from Bipolar Disorder, but also those of us that do not suffer from it.(I firmly believe it is critically important for us to learn about this disease… because it may be only a matter of time before we encounter someone we love who lives with this diagnosis or someone who has yet to be diagnosed but is, in fact, suffering from the disease. Also, educating ourselves about Bipolar Disorder will give us some perspective on depression, as well as give us some tools to battle our own demons.)So. What does this have to do with addiction and recovery?A lot, actually.It’s mental health, y’all. Plain and simple.We discuss his disease at length and dive into healthy ways to deal with it. None of which include “self-medicating”.Mike’s episode is courage, compassion, and eagerness to help all balled up into one.Speaking of balls…Do you know my old man’s most famous golf joke?“I played the other day… and the best two balls I hit were when I stepped on a rake.”*Pause for laughter.So, please, join us on episode 12 and learn about Bipolar disorder and depression and always remember if you, or someone that you know, suffers from either, that the light of hope is at the end of the tunnel.Let us pray.-CP*If you’re interested in acquiring a copy of Mike’s book, “Birdies, Bogeys, and Bipolar Disorder”, you can find it on Amazon (link below) or shoot us an email anytime and we can help you find a copy.https://www.amazon.com/Birdies-Bogeys-Bipolar-Disorder-against/dp/1632990644

On Episode 11, we welcome our third guest, My good friend, Megan Gehrs!Short and sweet… Megan is a fucking baller… a warrior… and a grinder.I’ve known Megan for quite some time and used to hit it pretty hard with her back in our hometown (Belleville, IL). It’s probably safe to say that we don’t remember well over 50% of the time we were in the same room, because we were both so fucking hammered.Jeff – Did you say “French Salon”?Jeff – I want you to paint me… like one of your French girls.Anyway. Back to Megan!I can’t wait for you guys to hear her story! It’s excruciating to listen to at times… but it is so fucking important.This is what the disease of alcoholism looks like, y’all.But, at the end of the day, this story will give you so much hope. You CAN overcome this! You CAN live without vodka in your water bottles! You CAN help save other people from this shit!So please, reach the fuck out if you need help… or just someone to chat with! Reach out to Jeff and I anytime… and Megan! If something she said flickered a light for you, give her a shout! She’s like us… so eager to help! See her email address with the links below:Thanks for listening, y’all!Buckle in for this one!Let us pray.-CP

On Episode 10, we welcome our second guest! My good friend, Theresa!Hi, Theresa! Thanks for coming on!*I suck at WRITING intros. Like suck really hard. Did you read that?!? Sheesh. I'm better at actually saying intros... like not as good as "Uncle" Tom Calhoun down at the rink during Blues games... but better than how I just wrote Theresa's intro. That's for sure. When I re-read the intro... I sound like a huge fucking tool. Anyway. I digress. Let me start with this…“Welcome, this is a Farmhouse. We have cluster flies, alas.”Keep singing? Okay. I'll stop. But we gotta start with some jam bandin', dude, ahhhh… love and peace, bro. Let’s bust some toots and oneies, man! Ahhh… so stoked, brah. Sooo epic.Smelly ass fucking hippies. Ha.Okay… enough bull shit here… check out this episode. For real. It’s brutal and heavy but we mix in some laughter and love. We gotta break this rough shit up.Theresa’s beautiful sister, Michelle, passed away from and overdose on fentanyl two years ago this month (she passed in February, 2018) and we discuss her life before her addiction, during her addiction, and after her tragic overdose. How badass is Theresa? Coming on here and sharing this! Fucking powerful! Theresa, thank you so, so fucking much for coming on with us and having the courage to tell your story and Michelle’s. I promise you it will resonate with a large portion of our audience.With this episode, I hope and pray that we begin shattering these stigmas and help people realize how fucking deadly this shit is.Theresa… again... you’re a fucking baller. And we love you.Let us pray.PS: Recommended Background Music:1) “Farmhouse” by Phish2) “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd3) “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd4) “Turning Away” by Pink Floyd”5) “Miss You” by Phish (This song is about Trey losing his sister… I mean… Aye yai yai)And Finally…For you, Michelle.6) “Shine On” by Pink FloydGod bless, and Godspeed.-CPNeed help? Question? Email Chris: cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.comfacebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

How was your Valentine’s? Mine sucked but we made the best of it. Olive + Oak and the entire STL restaurant community are amazing fucking people.Did you see that wreck at Daytona?!? Man! We were prayin’ hard for the “Rocketman” Ryan Newman.Okay. Enough bull shit.I want to tell y’all some stories. Of me… being a drunk stupid asshole. So buckle in… because I’m basically going to explain to y’all just how much of a fucking liability I became to my friends, family, roommates, and everyone I came into contact with post cocktail number four and / or shot of Rumplez number 3.Tune in and tell your friends!Let’s turn losses into wins!And when you're done list-uh-nin’Maybe you’ll put down that fucking Henny-Hen-Hennn.Let us pray.PS: Fuck cancel culture.Need help? Question? Email Chris: cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.comfacebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

Jeff and I share our church stories. Well… parts of our church stories at least. We go to The Gathering in St. Louis, MO, which has three sites scattered across the St. Louis Metro. “The St. Louis Metro”? That sounded pretty douchey, didn’t it?Anyway.Did you know, that you can still say the word “fuck” AND be a Christian? Well, you can. Despite what the mean old nuns told you as they were beating Jesus out of you with their rulers during your Catholic Education.I go to the Clayton Site of the Gathering. It’s been around for eight years.Eight years!?!Do you want to know what I was doing eight years ago!? Strippers and blow. That’s what.So… come on in and pray with us.The water is warm.And holy.The GatheringNeed help? Question? Email Chris: cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.comfacebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

I’ll never forget, one time in my basement, when we were rolling our balls off and one of my guys was wigging the fuck out over something… and I told him to take a “chill pill”… and he popped two more rolls of X in his mouth… and said, “chill pill taken”. About 30 minutes later he was chasing me and my then GF around my basement with a butcher knife.Fun times.Ecstasy… and all that other shit… is bad as fuck for you.But you know what’s not bad?Seeing a God d*mn doctor and discussing your anxiety, depression, and loneliness with them.Jeff and I discuss the "happy" pills that we take. For me, it's generic Paxil (for anxiety) and Trazodone (depression and anxiety and sleep aid... a non-narcotic OBV). Did you know your PCP (Primary Care Physician) can prescribe you medications to help with your crabby ass shit? And even refer you to someone to discuss your crabby ass shit to more in-depth?It’s funny how people will shoot chemicals into their veins to feel better… but heaven fucking forbid they just go to the doctor and chat for 10minutes and try something their way.To each their own I guess.But seriously, check out this episode, and maybe a new idea will pop into your head.That’s all we’re trying to do here. Help kick some tires… maybe that’s all you need to try and change up something in your life.Let us pray.Need help? Question? Email Chris: cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.comfacebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

Finally! Our first guest! (It’s about fucking time) Allow me to introduce to you my good friend, Nick Boatman. When I was drinking and snorting my life away, I watched from afar as Nick took his life back from addiction’s death grip. Now, he has completely taken fucking off and has been nothing short of inspiring. God fucking bless. Nick goes into his addiction --- at one time he was fucking homeless due to this shit --- and how he’s gotten things back on track, to say the least. He now makes a living helping others… helping others… aka… saving peoples’ fucking lives. Oh, and he’s got a pretty good fucking love story now too. I’m a sucker for that shit.Tune in and hear our conversation! It WILL resonate. I promise!Come on in and pray with us.Need help? Question? Email Chris: cpondoff@pondoffsanonymous.comfacebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

What is this? A bonus episode? Absolutely! New Year’s Eve. Did you get fucked up? Jeff got fucked up with my sister. Wait… Never mind. I’m a family man now. I used to get straight fucking hammered on New Year’s Eve AND New Year’s Day. Pictures of me during past new years are pretty disgusting. Ugh. Have another rail, you fat fucking coke head. Anyway, what’s the best antidote to joylessness? Fucking serving others. Seriously. It’s simple stupid stuff here. Serving others brings joy back into your lives. And there are tons of opportunities out there do get involved. Reach out and we can point you in the right direction! Finally, guests are coming! Promise! We just want to get our feet wet here. And, yes, I still HATE show notes. Will you pray with me?facebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

Shit’s gettin’ more professional. A little bit. Let’s talk about Christmas. Even though when (if) you listen to this it won’t even be close to Christmas. Jeff had a nice Christmas. His mother-in-law got him tools. Don’t like the cursing in the podcast? There’s a reason, yo. I used to HATE Christmas. Hate it. With a passion. But this past Christmas was awesome. Real God shit, man! Jesus was super present in our lives this Christmas. I ran around crazy like Henry Hill in Goodfellas, errand after errand, all while stirring fucking meatballs all day… but it was awesome! However, I’m well aware that for a lot of people… Christmas is fucking brutal. Especially if you’re grieving and heart broken. I’ve been there. That storm is only temporary. I hate writing show notes. But I love you mother fuckers. Thanks for listening.facebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

Abundant! Fucking "ABUNDANT" life, Pondoff! That's what you were trying to say. Ugh. Maybe a little show prep? Ha. Yeah right. On episode 3, "To Be a Kid Again", Chris discusses one of the mindsets that he had to revert back to in order to find joy again in a sober life."Discusses"? More like "rambles on with no filter". Let us pray. facebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

That first episode felt good. Here. Let me tone down the fucking mood a little with a brutal personal tragedy story. What am I? A fucking funeral director? Probably could be. Regardless, if you're still listening, I'll try and move the conversation from point A to point B and illustrate how I got stuck in the quicksand world of self-pity and lack of accountability. Nothing was my fault. Ever. "I'm sorry I fucked your girlfriend, but..." "I'm sorry I hay-makered your 60year old father for no reason, but..." Take back your life. Take back the responsibility of your actions. It's fucking liberating. facebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com

Who the f* am I? Why am I here? What are we trying to accomplish? My name is Chris, I'm 5'8 and a tad portly, and I'm 2,000+ days sober. Ever since I've stopped drinking and snorting my way through life, I've become less and less of a prick and subsequently faithful as fuck to Jesus. Not bible-belt judgmental asshole Jesus... but more like the guy that knows I'm an imperfect human asshole and loves my shit (and yours) anyway Jesus. I'm done sitting on the sidelines and am thirsty to help people that are struggling and literally fucking dying from alcoholism, addiction, and suffocating castrating fucking grief. Join us. Let's fucking do this. And as always, let us fucking pray. facebook.com/pondoffsanonymousinstagram.com/pondoffsanonymouspondoffsanonymous.com